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Vision Podcast

سايقت ريلا وبالليل نايم معه ريلا

I drove Rila and slept with Rila at night.

اضى مرة غابين سرقت سيارته

Once, while he was absent, his car was stolen.

ظل يركض وراها

He kept running after her.

لما وصل لها قال اهم مش ان اخذت الرقم

When he reached her, he said, "Isn't it important that I got the number?"

حبولي

Love you

رائع

Wonderful.

مرة واحد طلب من امه اعطته

Once a man asked his mother to give him.

راح يشتري

He is going to buy.

رجع قاعد يقول ياما ياما ياما

He kept saying, "Oh my, oh my, oh my."

قالت له امه شوفي قال

His mother said to him, "Look, he said."

ابوي اندعس

My father was run over.

شو قالت له قلت له فكرتك ضيعت الشلن

What did she say to him? I told him that I thought you wasted the penny.

مرة واحد شال ابرة تمزك

Once, someone removed a needle and it hurt.

واحد يقول لواحد فيك ماك تكتم السر

One says to another, "You can't keep a secret."

قال له ابشر لعيونك

He said to him, "You will be pleased for your sake."

قال له هات لك متين ليردين

He said to him, "Bring me two hundred so that I can return them."

قال له اعتبرني ما اسمعتش

He said to him, "Consider me as if I didn't hear anything."

واحد راح يخطب

Someone went to propose.

اه

Ah.

قال له العروس بتدرس

He said to her, "The bride is studying."

قال له خلص برجع بعد ساعة

He said to him, "Okay, I'll be back in an hour."

مرة واحد بكت النص احط فرجع

Once someone cried, "I put the text back."

مرة واحد دخل مطعم تلعق قاعان

One time, a man entered a restaurant and licked the floor.

واحد اتجوز

One got married.

صحيح ذالي يوم بقول لعروسة صباح الخير يا اني

It's true that one day I'll tell the bride good morning, my dear.

سيقلت له ما من خيبتك

I will tell him there is no disappointment in you.

هذا مرة واحد باريسي وامريكي ومصري

This is once a Parisian, an American, and an Egyptian.

اه

Oh.

الباريسي كان راكبين الطيارة

The Parisian was on the airplane.

الباريسي صار يقول هاي بلدنا

The Parisian started saying, "This is our country."

صار يقول له كيف

He started asking him how.

صار يقول نزلت رجلي خبطت ببرج ايبل

He started saying, "I stepped down and bumped into the Eiffel Tower."

ايش

What?

راع الثاني

The second shepherd

صار يقول له الامريكي هاي بلدنا

The American started telling him, "This is our country."

صار يقول له كيف عرفت

He started to say to him, "How did you know?"

نزلت رجلي خبطت بتمثال الحرية

My foot hit the Statue of Liberty.

وصل المصري

The Egyptian has arrived.

غالبت نصاري يقول له كيف عرفت

Ghalib said to Nasari, "How did you know?"

نزلت رجلي صرغ بؤتي

My foot stepped on my toe.

مESSENG

MISSING

مرة واحد اسمه ماشي خبط لباب الختيارة

Once there was a man named Mashi who knocked on the old woman's door.

قالت من؟ قالة trench

She said, "Who?" He said, "trench."

قالت له سمعك

She said to him, "I hear you."

هذا مرة اثنين ام محششين

Is this just a repetition of two stoners?

هو المحشش الاول و ام الالو الثاني

He is the first stoner and the second is Umm Al-Lu.

والوالد من اول ما اتوفى بطلنا نشوفوه

And ever since the father passed away, we stopped seeing him.

مرة دكتورة راح يزور مستشفي المجانين

One time, a doctor went to visit the insane asylum.

اه

Ah.

فات عليهم كل المجنون

All the crazy things passed them by.

الي بين الطفوق التخيط

The one between the highlands is the tailor.

يلي تعطي التخيط

You who gives the tailor.

قاعد بصار شو بتساوي

What are you doing sitting there?

إلا واحد حاط إذنه جنب الحيط

"Except for one who is placing his ear against the wall."

قال لك خلنا نشوف هذا شو ماله

He said, "Let’s see what this is about."

فات علي قال له شو بتسوي

Fateh said to him, "What are you doing?"

قال له اسمع اسمعي دكتور

He said to her, "Listen, listen, doctor."

أجل دكتور حاط إذنه بسمع جنب الحيط

Yes, doctor, he put his ear to the wall.

خمس دقايق عشر دقايق

Five minutes, ten minutes.

قال له ورق ما تستامع شيء

He said to him, "You won't hear anything."

قال له ما هذا اللي مجنني

He said to him, "What is this that is driving me crazy?"

مرة صاروخ عمر رديم

Once the rocket Omar Redim.

صار تحميلة

It became a suppository.

مدرس بسأل الطالب

A teacher is asking the student.

شو بتختار العقل أم المال

What do you choose, the mind or money?

جاوب الطالب قال المال

The student answered, "The money."

بتاسم المدرس

The teacher smiled.

قال له أنا بختار العقل

He said to him, "I choose reason."

بتاسم الطالب وإنه بقوله

In the name of the student, and he says.

كل واحد بختار اللي ناقصه

Everyone chooses what they lack.

هذا مرة بي حجر متخبي

This is a time with a hidden stone.

لويش

Why?

فاشخ واحد

One is prevailing.

في مرة واحد

Once a man

برضو حرق أمه وإنه بقولها منوري يا حج

He also insulted her and said to her, "You brighten my day, my dear."

في مرة تاس بيقول لها خروف

Once, Taz told her "sheep."

أعطيني بوسي قال له وين

Give me a kiss, he said where.

مرة شاب

Once a young man.

فات على حلاك

You have surpassed your beauty.

كان مستاجل كثير بدو يحلق

He was very eager to get a haircut.

فكان عنده أزمة

He had a crisis.

في عنده صبي صغير

He has a small boy.

قال له خلي الصبي يحلق لي مش مشكلة

He told him to let the boy shave him, it's not a problem.

المهم قاعدوا على الكرسي

The important thing is that they sat on the chair.

وبلش يحلق له

And he started shaving him.

هو بقص في الشعرات

He is cutting the hairs.

قص طرف إذنه

He trimmed the tip of his ear.

إجي قال له الحلاك يا كلب قصيت إذنه وضربوا كف

He came and told him, "You dog, I cut off his ear and slapped him."

الولد نزل لتحت إجي الكف براس لزبون

The boy went down and hit the customer's head with his fist.

ماشي رد كمل

Okay, go ahead.

رد قص كمان شيك فيه ثاني من إذنه

"I will cut another chic thing from his permission."

رد قوله يا كلب قصيت إذن لزبون كبسوا كف

His response was, "Oh dog, you were cut short because the customer came in and pressed the button."

نزل وإجي بالزبون

"Get down and come with the customer."

قص إذنه كاملة

Cut his ear completely.

قال له عرض أختك خبيها بلاش أشوفها

He told him, "Don't show me your sister's offer, it's bad."

مرة اثنين فاتوا على حلاك

Once two people went to your shop.

الأول حلاك و الثاني سوارة

The first is a bracelet and the second is a bangle.

آه حلو

Oh, sweet!

قل لك مرة مسكوا واحد طفيلي بيهرب

Once, they caught a freeloader trying to escape.

ركبوله جلده

They fitted him with a skin (or leather).

مرة طردوا عنزة من المدرسة

Once, a goat was expelled from school.

طردوا عنزة من المدرسة

They expelled a goat from the school.

لقوا محصور التاس

They found the trapped tiger.

النكتة يقول لك في واحد جاب شقالة لزوجته

The joke says that there is someone who brought a vacuum cleaner for his wife.

مرة يوم يومين والشقالة كلها بتلاحق زوجته

One day or two, and the maid is following his wife everywhere.

فين ما تروح في أي حتة في البيت هي وراها

Wherever you go, anywhere in the house, she is behind you.

يوم ثاني أو يوم ثالث سألت الزوجة زوجها قالت له

On the second day or the third day, the wife asked her husband, and she said to him.

هاي الشقالة شو فيها بتلاحقني على طول

This girl, what's her problem? She's always chasing me.

قال له لأنها أصلا هي تعبد البقر

He said to him, "Because she actually worships the cow."

بحكي لك مرة اثنين راحوا على البحر

I'm telling you about a time when two people went to the sea.

الأول صاد والتاني ضاد

The first is Sad and the second is Dad.

عبير عتنك

The fragrance of your kindness.

آه عبير وعتنك آه حلو

Ah, Abeer, your scent is so sweet.

عكس نوح تعال

Opposite Noah, come.

مرة واحد صعيدي

Once, a man from Upper Egypt...

بدي يتجوز

I want to get married.

أهله يتجوزوه

His family will marry him off.

إذا أول يوم شفتها بنت بنوت

The first day I saw her, she was a little girl.

بتطخ طلقتين

I shot two shots.

إذا مش بنت بنوت تقتلها وبتخلص منها

If she's not a girl, then kill her and get rid of her.

دخل العريس أول يوم لقاها بنت بنوت

The groom entered on the first day he met the girl.

طلع برة تختلقتين

Get out, you little rascal.

تاني يوم لقاها مش بنت بنوت

The next day he found her not to be a girl.

طخها وقتلها وخلص منها

He shot her, killed her, and got rid of her.

خلص منها

Get it over with.

بسأل طانت بقوله ليش بطلع لك شوارب

I'm asking my aunt why mustaches grow for you.

بقوله طالع للماما

He said, "I'm going to mom."

بقولك في أغبياء اخترعوا باس بالعرض ليش

I'm telling you, there are fools who invented a pass horizontally. Why?

أغبياء اخترعوا باس بالعرض

Fools invented a pass across.

بالعرض بالعرض

By the width, by the width.

أغبياء اخترعوا باس يمشي بالعرض ليش

"Fools invented a bus that moves sideways, why?"

عشان كلهم ركبون جدا

Because they are all very intimidating.

في مرة واحد

Once upon a time.

في شي اللي حكوا نكتي

There is something they said about jokes.

بعد يوم رجوا على صاحبهم لقوا بضحك ليش

After a day, they went to their friend and found him laughing, asking why.

ليش

Why?

في باس الحموات والكنات طلعوا رحلة

In the heat of the summer, the relatives and in-laws went on a trip.

على الطريق فيه نزول

There is a descent on the road.

باس الحموات وقع وانقلب

The mother-in-law's kiss fell and turned over.

وماتن كل الحموات

"And all the mothers-in-law died."

فالكنات كل اللي بتكيف

So the channels are all that you enjoy.

اللي بتزقف اللي بتغني اللي بتزغرة

The one who claps, the one who sings, the one who cheers.

إلا واحدة بتعيط

Except for one crying.

سألوها ليش ليش زعلاني

They asked her, "Why are you upset?"

وكل اللي ماتن قال حماتي مش معاهن

"And everyone who died said my mother-in-law is not with them."

مصطول

Stoned

قاعد بدهن فاجع عليه واحد

Someone is sitting down and suddenly someone else splashed paint on him.

بيقوله حط تحتك جريدة عشان ما تعبيش

He told him to put a newspaper underneath him so he doesn't make a mess.

لا بيقوله لا هيك طايق

No, he says he can't take it like this.

في واحد محشش

There's a guy who's high.

هو ماشي وقف عليه شارع

He was walking when he stopped on the street.

أجيته سيارة فراري

I got a Ferrari car.

راكبها واحد ناصح ناصح ناصح

One wise, wise, wise person is riding it.

إيش حكا له المحشش

What did the stoned person tell him?

تسابق صار رفعك الناصح

Racing has become a lift for the advisor.

يعني شو قاعد تحكي كياسيفيا لسيارة فراري

What do you mean by talking about a Ferrari car, Kiasofia?

فقال له هيك

He said to him, "Like this."

كاظر كاظر تسابق

Kather Kather race.

مرة واحد محشش راح للدكتور

One time, a stoned guy went to the doctor.

فالدكتور حكا له

So the doctor told him.

ما كشف عليه حكا له عندك سرطان في المخ

What was revealed to him is that you have brain cancer.

إلا حكا له

Except for what he told him.

هيك السكران المحشش

This is how the drunk and high person is.

يوه الله أكبر من وين أجي المخ

"Oh, God is greater, where did my brain come from?"

سأل واحد شو رأيك بالزواج مبكر

Someone asked, what do you think about marrying early?

قال له ما يسعى بالزبط

He said to him, "What exactly is he striving for?"

قال له مرة تصحينا لصحور

He told him once to wake us up for the pre-dawn meal.

برمضان

In Ramadan

فقالت له أنت ما بخصوم أصلا

She said to him, "You have no opponents at all."

قال لي أنا لا صحور ولا صيام

He said to me, "I have neither pre-dawn meal nor fasting."

ربنا بحطني في النار

My Lord has thrown me into the fire.

وواحد محشش

And one is high.

هو محمل

He is loaded.

ماشي على الطريق وقفت أول دورية

I was walking on the road when the first patrol stopped me.

شو بتقوله وقف يا كبير

What do you mean by saying stop, big guy?

قالت له إيش محمل

She said to him, "What are you carrying?"

حكا له محمل جاد

He told him a serious story.

قال طب أنت إيش بتطعمي الجاد

He said, "So what are you feeding the bird?"

قال له إيه أنت بطعميه خبز

He said to him, "What? Are you feeding him bread?"

وإحنا مش لقينه الغبز هالتي

And we can't find the dough like this.

قال له خذ محلف 200 ليرة

He said to him, "Take a witness for 200 liras."

وقفت أثان دورية

A patrol stood firm.

قال له وقف قال هم لعم

He said to him, "Stop." He said, "What for?"

قال ليش محمل

He said, "Why aren't you carrying it?"

قال له محمل جاد

He said to him, "The burden is serious."

قال ليش بتطعميه

He said, "Why are you feeding him?"

قال له بطعميه ولله زبالي

He said to him, "With my food, and by God, you are my trash."

قال tamam يزبالي وإحنا بنوكلة

Tamam said, "We are in trouble."

أي هاي مخلف 200 ليرة

This is a leftover of 200 liras.

قال الله حول الله يا رب

Said God around God, O Lord.

ذا لما عشة ادؤ مكملة

This is not a complete sentence in Arabic. It seems to have some errors or be missing context. Could you please provide more details or correct the text?

ما مش شو فيها

What's wrong with it?

واقفته أخير دورية

I finally stopped by a patrol.

قال لا عمي أنا ما بطعمي

He said, "No, uncle, I am not eating."

أنا بعطي كل جهازي مصروفة وهي بتشتري لحالها

I give all my device's expenses, and it buys for itself.

واحد محشش دي قطع الشارع

A stoned guy just crossed the street.

فجاية تريلا من بيت

A trailer suddenly came from the house.

قال أقطع ما أقطع أقطع ما أقطع

He said, "I cut what I cut, I cut what I cut."

بالآخر قطع

In the end, it broke.

وطيارته آخر الدنيا

"And his plane is the end of the world."

بس خلصته ودعسته لبقول

I just finished it and stuffed it in my mouth.

وعارضته أختي كنت عارف

And my sister opposed him; I knew it.

ترجمة نانسي قنقر

Translation of Nancy Qanqar