Lumpen Il•lustrat Vol. LUMPENCALÇOTADA DELICIOSA

Advertencia! Tots els membres del programa van drogats i són uns farsans.

Warning! All program members are on drugs and are frauds.

Qualsevol personatge o esdeveniment que aparegui és exclusivament fruit de la nostra imaginació.

Any character or event that appears is solely the product of our imagination.

Tota semblança amb la realitat és pura coincidència.

Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

L'Unpen il·lustrat.

The illustrated Unpen.

I hi ha una cosa que us agrada molt als catalans, les calçotades.

And there is one thing that Catalans love very much, the calçotades.

Bé, hi ha diverses coses que us agraden molt als catalans,

Well, there are several things that Catalans really like,

i probablement les calçotades no són, ni de lluny, una de les més representatives.

And probably the calçotades are not, by far, one of the most representative.

Però m'agrada començar els articles amb una hòstia d'amagògia pura,

But I like to start articles with a punch of pure demagoguery,

a la cara del lector, per avisar-lo del pa que s'hi cou a casa meva.

in the reader's face, to warn him of the bread that is being baked at my house.

Si vius a Catalunya, quan arriba febrer ja pots agafar l'agenda i calar-li foc,

If you live in Catalonia, when February arrives you can take the agenda and set it on fire,

perquè tots els putos caps de setmana els tindràs ocupats amb una calçotada o dues.

because every single fucking weekend you'll have them occupied with one or two calçotades.

De fet, alguns pobles del Principat, el febrer i el març,

In fact, some villages of the Principality, in February and March,

tenen, per llei, tots els caps de setmana de tres dies,

they have, by law, all weekends of three days,

a fi que els visitants disposin de temps suficient per celebrar totes les calçotades

so that visitors have enough time to celebrate all the calçotades

que reclamen els diversos imperatius socials.

that demand the various social imperatives.

N'has d'organitzar una amb els de la feina, una amb els teus amics,

You need to organize one with your coworkers, one with your friends,

una altra amb els amics de la teva parella, una amb els de l'equip de futbol,

another with your partner's friends, one with the soccer team,

una amb els companys de la universitat, una amb la família,

one with the university friends, one with the family,

una amb els amics d'infància, una amb els del club de lectura nudista,

one with childhood friends, one with the nudist book club,

una amb els de l'Associació d'Amics d'Israel,

one with the Friends of Israel Association,

i fins i tot una calçotada en arcovega en cuir,

and even a calçotada in leather arch.

amb els de l'Assemblea Popular del barri.

with the members of the Neighborhood Popular Assembly.

Podria estar-me fins demà enumerant molts altres grups,

I could go on until tomorrow listing many other groups,

cadascun dels quals t'exigeix una calçotada pròpia, però és tard i vol ploure.

each of which demands its own calçotada, but it is late and it wants to rain.

És cert que podríeu organitzar una macrocalçotada amb centenars de persones,

It is true that you could organize a massive calçotada with hundreds of people,

però vosaltres sou catalans, no andalusos o gitanos.

but you are Catalans, not Andalusians or Gypsies.

No podeu barrejar els vostres diversos cercles socials, hi ha en joc la identitat.

You cannot mix your various social circles; your identity is at stake.

Durant dos mesos entres en una espiral insensata i voràs de calçotades,

For two months, you enter a reckless and gluttonous spiral of calçotades,

que ocupen tot el teu temps.

that take up all your time.

La vida consisteix a ser devorat per un grup de WhatsApp bullent

Life consists of being devoured by a bustling WhatsApp group.

on es planifiquen i executen les compres d'àpats goliars per a més de 20 persones,

where the purchases of goliard meals for more than 20 people are planned and executed,

conduint el cotxe cap a cases rurals o merenderos perduts

driving the car towards rural houses or lost picnic areas

per aquests mons de Déu, perseguir la gent perquè paguin els deutes,

for these worlds of God, to pursue people to pay their debts,

endrepar com si fos el dia d'abans d'una guerra,

to prepare as if it were the day before a war,

veure per suportar les eternes hores d'inferno social,

to see to endure the eternal hours of social hell,

escoltar i riure les mateixes opinions i gracietes de tertulià sobre l'actualitat política,

listening to and laughing at the same opinions and jokes of talk show hosts about current political affairs,

magnificar cada cop amb més mandra els pàl·lids progressos laborals i emocionals

magnify with increasing laziness the pale work and emotional progress

que has aconseguit des de l'última trobada,

what have you achieved since the last meeting,

i fingir que t'interessen i et creus els dels altres.

I pretend that I’m interested in you and you believe what others say.

Lluitar durant tota la setmana contra els dolors estomacals per poder estar fresc,

Fighting against stomach pains all week to be able to be fresh,

el dissabte següent, i suportar una humillació pública de fotos compartides al Facebook,

the following Saturday, and endure a public humiliation of photos shared on Facebook,

on apareixes més calpi i borratxo que mai,

you appear more bald and drunk than ever,

però amb un pitet descomunal i la boca empastifada del que sembla ser,

but with a huge bib and a mouth smeared with what seems to be,

a primer cop, d'ull, merda.

At first glance, shit.

Però per quan fi arriba el final d'aquesta marató sociograstronòmica,

But when the end of this sociogastronomic marathon finally arrives,

no és la placidesa la que et dóna la benvinguda,

it is not the calmness that greets you,

sinó una mena d'inquietud existencial que et rosega,

but a kind of existential unease that gnaws at you,

com si ara que has recuperat el control de la teva vida no sabessis què collons fer amb ella.

as if now that you have regained control of your life, you don't know what the hell to do with it.

Pantejant, amb els ulls afonats, la panxa palpitània encesa,

Panting, with sunken eyes, the quivering belly lit up,

devastada per crues digestions i l'esperit derrotat pels feixucs pes

devastated by harsh digestions and the spirit defeated by heavy burdens

de tribulacions misántropes inhilistes,

of misanthropic nihilist tribulations,

et quedes enxubat a casa tot el cap de setmana,

you stay stuck at home all weekend,

sense llum, amb les persianes tancades a pesar dels fètids gasos

without light, with the blinds closed despite the fetid gases

que s'escolen pel teu cul i podreixen la cambra.

that seep through your ass and rot the room.

Estàs perdut, estàs desorientat, odies a tothom, sobretot a tu mateix.

You are lost, you are disoriented, you hate everyone, especially yourself.

No trobes sentit a res.

You don't find meaning in anything.

T'has acostumat a ser un engranatge d'aquell mecanisme diví

You have gotten used to being a cog in that divine mechanism.

anomenat època de calçotades.

called the calçotada season.

La llibertat et sembla un càstig i finalment et talles les venes a la banyera.

Freedom seems like a punishment to you and in the end, you cut your veins in the bathtub.

El nombre més alt de suïcides a Catalunya es produeixen entre finals de març

The highest number of suicides in Catalonia occurs between the end of March.

i principis d'abril, quan s'acaben les calçotades.

In early April, when the calçotades come to an end.

És una dada ben coneguda, però els diaris no ho diuen mai

It is a well-known fact, but the newspapers never mention it.

per culpa de la pèrfida unió de pagesos.

because of the treacherous union of peasants.

Els ingredients essencials d'una calçotada són els calçots,

The essential ingredients of a calçotada are the calçots,

la salsa romesco, carn diversa, pa de pagès, graelles, material per fer foc,

romesco sauce, various meats, country bread, grills, material to make fire,

papers de diari i, sobretot, cocaïna.

newspaper clippings and, above all, cocaine.

Els propòsits de la ingesta d'aquesta droga són dos.

The purposes of taking this drug are two.

El primer, desfermar una loquacitat absurda per poder xerrar durant hores,

The first, to unleash an absurd loquacity to be able to talk for hours,

amb gent a la que odies en secret.

with people you secretly hate.

I el segon, però no menys important, perdre l'apatit,

And the second, but no less important, losing the appetite,

un dels efectes secundaris menys comentats de la farlopa.

One of the least mentioned side effects of cocaine.

Però en aquest cas ens ajudarà a mantenir-nos lluny de la temptació de menjar ni un sol cansot.

But in this case, it will help us stay away from the temptation of eating even a single crumb.

Ni un de sol.

Not a single one.

No sóc el primer que assenyala amb un fil de bava penjant de la boca que l'emperador va despullat.

I am not the first to point out with a thread of drool hanging from my mouth that the emperor is naked.

Però no per això em privaré d'assegurar,

But for that reason, I will not refrain from assuring,

foll com un profeta que baixa de la muntanya després de parlar amb Déu,

mad as a prophet coming down from the mountain after speaking with God,

que el calçot tan sols és una mena de ceba llarga que no té gust, només regust.

that the calçot is just a kind of long onion that has no taste, only an aftertaste.

Però un regust que, a més, és atrós.

But a taste that is, moreover, terrible.

En poques ocasions, el xovinisme català rellueix tanta força com la defensa dels calçots.

On rare occasions, Catalan chauvinism shines with such strength as in the defense of calçots.

És habitual escoltar com els sabaruts pontifiquen

It is common to hear how the know-it-alls pontificate.

que la gràcia d'aquesta verdura és, precisament, la salsa romesco.

that the charm of this vegetable is, precisely, the romesco sauce.

Com que sembla ser...

Since it seems to be...

una puta ceba de pam, no és prou indigesta,

a foot-long onion, isn't it indigestible enough,

algú va tenir la idea de maridar-la amb una salsa que compta,

someone had the idea of pairing it with a sauce that counts,

entre els seus ingredients, all cru, el pa fregit, el bitxo i una mena de pebrot anomenant nyores.

among its ingredients, raw garlic, fried bread, chili pepper, and a type of pepper called nyores.

El que es mereix l'inventor d'aquest disbarat és que els déus li concedeixin la immortalitat

What the inventor of this nonsense deserves is for the gods to grant him immortality.

i l'obliguin a passar la eternitat al cim del Canigó, lligat amb pilotes a un pal.

and they make him spend eternity at the top of Canigó, tied with balls to a pole.

Allí, una àgueda majestuosa li introduirà a la boca trossos de pa sucat en salsa romesco,

There, a majestic águeda will introduce pieces of bread soaked in romesco sauce to him.

fins que la digestió li faci explotar la panxa.

until the digestion makes his belly explode.

Llavors, quan el dolor s'escampi pel seu cos,

Then, when the pain spreads throughout his body,

les mans invisibles dels déus prendran...

the invisible hands of the gods will take...

l'escampall de sang i vísceres i guariran les ferides de l'home

the sprawl of blood and entrails and will heal the wounds of man

perquè l'àliga pugui repetir la tortura ad aeternum.

so that the eagle can repeat the torture ad aeternum.

Els calçots són una de les estafes més grans de Catalunya.

Calçots are one of the biggest scams in Catalonia.

Al cas Palau, a l'Estatut del 79, són foteses, comparats amb el producte estrella de Valls,

In the Palau case, in the Statute of '79, they are nonsense, compared to the star product of Valls,

l'existència del qual justifica que el poble de l'Alcamp sigui arrasat per un exèrcit de transformers,

the existence of which justifies that the town of Alcamp be razed by an army of transformers,

que es converteixin en tractors jondir.

that they become deep tractors.

Sobre el costum de presumir de la capacitat d'engolir quantitats obscenes de calçots,

About the habit of boasting about the ability to swallow obscene amounts of calçots,

no m'hi pronunciaré, perquè és una pràctica perllosa en la que moren molts catalans,

I will not express myself on it, because it is a dangerous practice in which many Catalans die.

privant-nos així d'individus amb activitats...

depriving us thus of individuals with activities...

i d'actituds indesitjables que corrompen el nostre país.

and of undesirable attitudes that corrupt our country.

Higiene social, tot correcte.

Social hygiene, all correct.

Següent tema.

Next topic.

Les calçotades s'han de festejar sempre en ambients rurals.

Calçotades should always be celebrated in rural settings.

Alguns indrets de la ciutat també n'organitzen,

Some places in the city also organize them.

però sobre l'aula calçotada a un restaurant és una heretgia pitjor que un tió amb barretina

but regarding the calçotada in a restaurant, it is a heresy worse than a stick with a barretina

cagant cromos de la selecció espanyola per Nadal.

shitting stickers of the Spanish national team for Christmas.

Aconseguir un mas és fàcil si vius a les comarques lleidatanes o a les Terres de l'Ebre,

Getting a farm is easy if you live in the Lleida region or in the Ebro Lands,

perquè moltes famílies n'han heretat algun.

because many families have inherited one.

Els gironins tampoc tenen massa complicacions

The people of Girona also don't have too many complications.

perquè tots tenen algun amic neorural afincat en una casa de camp.

because everyone has some neorural friend settled in a country house.

Els que les passen més putes són els que viuen a les comarques barcelonines

Those who have it the hardest are those who live in the municipalities of Barcelona.

i alguns de les de Tarragona.

and some from Tarragona.

Els que tenen possibles lloguen entre uns quants una caseta rural al Baix Empordou a la selva

Those who have the means rent a rural house in Baix Empordà in the forest.

i s'hi passen tot el cap de setmana.

and they spend the whole weekend there.

Els més modestos s'han de conformar amb els merenderos,

The more modest ones have to settle for the picnic areas,

espais amb barbacoes, taules i bancs,

spaces with barbecues, tables, and benches,

sovint gestionats per alguna empresa que lloga graelles i ven estris per fer foc.

often managed by a company that rents grids and sells tools for making fire.

Si li dic merendero en lloc de berenador, com proposa l'Institut d'Estúpids Catalans,

If I call it "merendero" instead of "berenador," as proposed by the Institute of Stupid Catalans,

és perquè aquestes han estat, en les últimes dècades,

it is because these have been, in the last decades,

zones d'esbarjo eminentment castellanoparlants.

recreational areas predominantly Spanish-speaking.

Berenador no és una paraula que surgi habitualment en català.

"Berenador" is not a word that commonly arises in Catalan.

No veureu la Time Out anunciant els millors berenadors del Vallès

You won't see Time Out announcing the best snack bars in Vallès.

com si fos la moda a seguir després de les bodegues.

as if it were the trend to follow after the wineries.

No veureu cap berenador als anuncis d'Estrella Damm,

You won't see any snack bars in Estrella Damm's advertisements,

amb noies amb biquini i joves de ciutat sense samarreta,

with girls in bikinis and city youth without shirts,

amb les mans ennegrides i el pit suat rostint carn a la barbacoa.

with blackened hands and a sweaty chest grilling meat on the barbecue.

No veureu cap tuit gastronòmic reaccionari del Monzó

You will not see any reactionary gastronomic tweet from Monzó.

recomanant aquell o altre berenador.

recommending this or that snack bar.

Des de fot dècades, els merenderos van ser un territori xarnego.

For decades, the picnic areas were a xarnego territory.

Famílies d'obrers immigrants, amb aquells fills que algun dia serien

Families of immigrant workers, with those children who would someday be

els primers de l'anisaga a entrar a la universitat,

the first ones from the anisaga to enter the university,

passaven els diumenges cremant pa i viandes a les barbacoes de vora la carretera

Sundays were spent burning bread and food on the barbecues by the roadside.

mentre esperaven que pugés el parcimoniós ascensor social.

while they waited for the slow social elevator to come up.

Els últims anys, els merenderos han estat subvintejats pels quillos,

In recent years, the picnic areas have been taken over by delinquents.

els fills descarriats del bon xarnego pujolista,

the wayward children of the good Pujolist xarnego,

integrat i treballador, una canalla nihilista adonista

integrated and hardworking, a nihilist hedonistic child

que es passaria pel forro dels ous la immersió lingüística

what the hell would linguistic immersion matter

o la cultura de l'esforç si abans es dignés a fer l'esforç d'aprendre aquests conceptes.

or the culture of effort if he/she would first deign to make the effort to learn these concepts.

Però els amos i senyors dels merenderos no són els quillos.

But the owners and lords of the picnic areas are not the tough guys.

L'altre dia un conegut meu tornava d'una lumpa encalçotada a un merendero

The other day, an acquaintance of mine was returning from a calçotada at a picnic area.

i li vaig preguntar com havia anat allà.

and I asked him how it had gone there.

Ell em va respondre,

He replied to me,

prou bé, però vam tardar l'hòstia a coure tota la carn, allò estava ple de sudakes.

Pretty good, but it took forever to cook all the meat, it was full of sweat.

Sudakes és una paraula pejorativa molt estesa per referir-se als panxitos.

Sudakes is a widely used pejorative term to refer to beer bellies.

Aquests nous immigrants han assaltat tots els espais de Catalunya

These new immigrants have assaulted all the spaces of Catalonia.

on s'hi pugui organitzar un pícnic.

where a picnic can be organized.

Porten amb ells quantitats ingents de carn,

They carry with them huge amounts of meat,

com si haguessin sacrificat i espassejat el cadàver mateix, de Queotzal.

as if they had sacrificed and flayed the very corpse of Queotzal.

Bé, és una manera de parlar, perquè Queotzal

Well, it's a way of speaking, because Queotzal

és un dels déus amb plomes i amb una barbacoa

he is one of the feathered gods and has a barbecue

sud-americana, només hi trobareu porc i vedella.

South American, you will only find pork and beef.

Mai pollastre, perquè saben que el pollastre només estofa amb sentiments.

Never chicken, because they know that chicken only simmers with feelings.

La verdura, per descomptat, brilla per la seva absència.

The vegetable, of course, shines by its absence.

Nevi o plogui, faci sol o queiguin maturits,

Whether it's snowing or raining, sunny or ripe fruits falling,

famílies sud-americanes s'ajunten cada cap de setmana

South American families gather every weekend.

per endrepar i celebrar la vida en comunitat,

to mend and celebrate life in community,

mentre els nens s'estomaquen, els adults cuiden

while the children play, the adults take care

i els altaveus dels cotxes vomiten l'úbric rebrecón.

And the car speakers spew the lubricated ruckus.

Rebrecón, no, reguetón.

Rebrecón, no, reggaeton.

A ells, per descomptat, els sua la polla el concepte de calçotada.

They obviously don't care about the concept of a calçotada.

I no marxaran del merendero només perquè sigui l'època

And they will not leave the picnic area just because it is the season.

en què els catalans es trobaran.

in what the Catalans will meet.

Els catalans festegen aquest merdós simulacre

The Catalans celebrate this damn mockery.

de ritual de reafirmació de l'amistat corregut com a calçotada.

a ritual of reaffirmation of friendship held like a calçotada.

No marxaran perquè no ho han de fer, perquè el merendero és seu,

They will not leave because they do not have to, because the picnic area is theirs.

perquè mentre vosaltres us passeu el cap de setmana escarxofats a casa

because while you spend the weekend lounging at home

devorant sèries com si això us hagués de fer millor persona,

devouring series as if this would make you a better person,

o rebuscant a la Time Out el següent restaurant

or searching in Time Out for the following restaurant

del que podreu presumir de banxusma

of what you will be able to boast about banxusma

amb una escala de valors igual de podrida que la vostra,

with a set of values just as rotten as yours,

o pagant quantitats insensates de diners a una discoteca

or paying ridiculous amounts of money at a nightclub

per ballar unes cançons i fotre uns claus que demà no recordareu,

to dance to some songs and drive some nails that you won't remember tomorrow,

els sud-americans trien els seus amics,

South Americans choose their friends,

el seu menjar,

his food,

i recuperen els espais que els catalans heu deixat abandonats.

and they recover the spaces that the Catalans have left abandoned.

Així que quan torneu al merendero,

So when you return to the picnic area,

feu-vos amb el cap cot i demaneu permís per respirar.

Bow your head and ask for permission to breathe.

No esteu a casa vostra, sou hostes, sigueu educats,

You are not at home, you are guests, be polite.

i si s'ha de ballar reggaeton, es balla.

And if you have to dance reggaeton, you dance.

No és pas més patètic que posar-se un pitet gegant

It is not more pathetic than wearing a giant bib.

per menjar-se una ceba sucada en un salsa

to eat an onion soaked in a sauce

mentre es fas una cara de coitus interruptus.

while making a face of interrupted intercourse.

PS dos punts.

PS two points.

Vull aclarir que amb el reggaeton

I want to clarify that with reggaeton

hi tinc una relació d'amor purament intel·lectual.

I have a purely intellectual love relationship.

Jo soc víctima d'una esquizofrènia emocional i política

I am a victim of emotional and political schizophrenia.

que em porta de la misantropia extrema amb tics totalitaris

that leads me from extreme misanthropy with totalitarian traits

i de despotisme il·lustrat

and of enlightened despotism

a una mena de situacionisme humanista de caire anàrquic.

to a kind of humanist situationism of an anarchic nature.

Quan em trobo immers en aquesta segona fase,

When I find myself immersed in this second phase,

puc llegir articles de Diagonal

I can read articles from Diagonal.

sobre el sant caos urbà de les ciutats llatinoamericanes

about the holy urban chaos of Latin American cities

o sobre l'explosió vitalista de la música dels seus guetos.

or about the vitalist explosion of the music from its ghettos.

I llavors tinc ganes de calar-me a foc els peus

And then I feel like setting my feet on fire.

i començar una conga que recorrega el país

and start a conga that travels across the country

per cremar-lo al pas de la Guauancó.

to burn it at the Guauancó crossing.

Però després, un mal dia, he d'agafar el puto metro

But then, one bad day, I have to take the damn subway.

i em sent obligat a respectar el puto subnormal

And I feel obligated to respect the damn idiot.

que escolta reggaeton pel mòbil sense auriculars

who listens to reggaeton on the phone without headphones

ni cap gest a la cara que indiqui que realment ho està disfrutant prou

nor any gesture on the face that indicates that he is really enjoying it enough

com per creure convenient que compartir-ho amb la resta dels passatgers

as deemed appropriate to share it with the other passengers

és una missió divina que ens salvarà del gris tèdi urbà.

It is a divine mission that will save us from the urban dull gray.

Llavors m'adono que el reggaeton és objectivament repulsiu

Then I realize that reggaeton is objectively repulsive.

i que la teva llibertat comença on acaba la meva

And that your freedom begins where mine ends.

i que les lleis això i la mà d'allò altre

and that the laws this and the hand of that other

fins que m'adono que Hitler sembla d'un vol al meu costat

until I realize that Hitler seems to be a flight next to me

i torno a llegir Diagonal i Walt Whiteman.

I read Diagonal and Walt Whitman again.

Com sempre, Valero Sant Martí té raó.

As always, Valero Sant Martí is right.

Què, Jordi?

What, Jordi?

Alguna opinió?

Any opinion?

Què haig de dir?

What should I say?

A veure, tu com a persona...

Let's see, you as a person...

Tinc l'orgull de no haver anat a una calçotada en la vida.

I take pride in never having been to a calçotada in my life.

No sé per què no vas anar-hi.

I don’t know why you didn’t go there.

L'entenir està agotint.

Understanding is exhausting.

Com pot ser? És increïble.

How is that possible? It's incredible.

També et diré una cosa pitjor de part meva.

I will also tell you something worse on my part.

Jo totes les calçotades que he fet, les he fet a Girona.

I have done all the calçotades in Girona.

I a més quins.

And also which ones.

El 80% a més quins, que és encara pitjor.

The 80% plus which is even worse.

Perquè jo no t'he escoltat mai amb tons pares.

Because I have never listened to you with parental tones.

No, avui anem de calçotada, no.

No, today we are going to a calçotada, no.

No, això no s'ha fet pas mai.

No, this has never been done.

Llavors...

Then...

Avui portes tu el guió.

Today you bring the script.

Avui porto jo?

Am I bringing it today?

Sí.

Yes.

Molt bé, llavors, començarem.

Very well, then, we will begin.

Valero Sant Martí, xec, la introducció a Valero Sant Martí.

Valero Sant Martí, check, the introduction to Valero Sant Martí.

Qui no el conegui, que vagi a la biblioteca.

Whoever does not know him, should go to the library.

No, lo bo, lo bo.

No, the good thing, the good thing.

El combinat, el combinat.

The combination, the combination.

L'angrès.

The English.

Eix, anem per parts, anem per parts.

Alright, let's take it step by step.

Una mica de rigor radiofònic.

A bit of radio rigor.

Aquí tenim els nostres estimats ancians

Here we have our beloved elders.

que protagonitzen la secció.

that star in the section.

Com oblidar-ho?

How to forget it?

I per tant hem de respectar unes normes.

And therefore we have to respect certain rules.

Ui, que preparat que ve això avui.

Wow, this is really prepared today.

Diu el Durant que talli.

He says to cut.

Ara que ho volia fer maco, volia posar una música.

Now that I wanted to make it nice, I wanted to play some music.

Doncs posa-la, home, posa-la.

Well, put it on, man, put it on.

Doncs posa-ho, posa-ho.

Well, put it on, put it on.

Digue-me-la, però a veure, ara que canviarem les normatives d'aquest programa?

Tell me, but let's see, when are we going to change the regulations of this program?

Ara canviarem les normatives.

Now we will change the regulations.

D'aquest programa les coses van com van i surten com surten.

From this program, things go as they go and come out as they come out.

Espera, dona'm un segon.

Wait, give me a second.

Tu digue'm, a mi jo poso el senyor YouTube que no té prèmium,

You tell me, I’ll put Mr. YouTube who doesn't have premium.

senyor director, pagui el prèmium del YouTube.

Mr. Director, pay the YouTube premium.

Ix1717.

Ix1717.

Pagui el prèmium del YouTube perquè...

Pay for the YouTube premium because...

No, ara entra la meva filla que està aquí a la porta esperant.

No, now my daughter is coming in, she is here at the door waiting.

Avui tenim un combinat molt especial.

Today we have a very special combination.

Ni més ni menys.

No more and no less.

El company, el camarada i l'amic, el Mamut Golov,

The companion, the comrade, and the friend, Mamut Golov,

la Pantera de Senegal, el Wittgenstein de Montjuïc,

the Senegal Panther, the Wittgenstein of Montjuïc,

un expert en el llenguatge.

an expert in language.

L'autor de la frase, el llenguatge és el llenguatge.

The author of the phrase, language is language.

El llenguatge, això mateix, això mateix.

Language, that's it, that's it.

Bob Senegal, bona nit, benvingut.

Bob Senegal, good night, welcome.

Un aplauso.

A round of applause.

El Jordi, per lo que sigui, no pot aplaudir.

Jordi, for some reason, cannot applaud.

No, no, el Jordi només pot...

No, no, Jordi can only...

Som quatre persones en una sala i no has pogut aplaudir.

There are four people in a room and you haven't been able to clap.

Aplaudim, aplaudim.

We applaud, we applaud.

Queda molt millor.

It looks much better.

Ara sí, ara sí, ara sí.

Now yes, now yes, now yes.

És Senegal, català!

It's Senegal, Catalan!

Molt bé, ja està, aquesta era la introducció.

Very well, that's it, that was the introduction.

Aviam.

Let's see.

Aviam, quina experiència tens tu amb Valero Santmartí?

Let's see, what experience do you have with Valero Santmartí?

Que era el text que acabem d'escoltar.

What was the text that we just heard?

Quina experiència he tingut?

What experience have I had?

No el coneixes.

You don't know him.

No ho crec, no ho crec.

I don't believe it, I don't believe it.

Jordi, tu el coneixes?

Jordi, do you know him?

Sí, però és que no aguanta ni una ronda a l'Irlanda, cabró.

Yes, but he can't even handle one round in Ireland, you bastard.

Hòstia puta, no saps de qui estàs parlant, eh?

Holy shit, you don't know who you're talking about, do you?

Ara també s'ha de dir que és un senyor...

Now it must also be said that he is a gentleman...

el qual tots nosaltres respectem molt,

whom we all respect very much,

però que ja està gran.

but he/she is already grown up.

És més gran que nosaltres.

He/She is bigger than us.

S'apropa més a tu que a nosaltres, jo crec.

It gets closer to you than to us, I think.

Jo no és que...

It's not that I...

No s'ha desvetllat mai...

It has never been revealed...

Sí que s'ha desvetllat.

Yes, it has been revealed.

Sí, s'ha desvetllat.

Yes, it has been revealed.

Joan Ferrus.

Joan Ferrus.

Ah, sí?

Oh, really?

Home!

Home!

Joan Ferrus?

John Ferrus?

Home!

Home!

Joan Ferrus, doncs, no ho sé, entreu a internet i mireu-li la cara.

Joan Ferrus, well, I don't know, go online and look at his face.

Sí, ja sou guionista i coses d'aquestes.

Yes, you are already a screenwriter and things like that.

A veure, no, el tio es nota, el tio es nota.

Let's see, no, the guy is noticeable, the guy is noticeable.

Això era un llibre que vas escriure fa molts anys parlant sobre la catalanitat.

This was a book you wrote many years ago talking about Catalan identity.

El tio...

The uncle...

No, no, no, això era del blog, això era del blog.

No, no, no, this was from the blog, this was from the blog.

Sí, el blog, jo només follo pèl.

Yes, the blog, I only f*** bare.

Jo només follo pèl, mitiquíssim, que el...

I only fuck hair, legendary, that the...

Expliqueu, expliqueu.

Tell us, tell us.

Això era molt 2004.

That was very 2004.

Sí, però si t'hi fixes tot el que diu,

Yes, but if you pay attention to everything it says,

és que fins i tot el de les sèries, tot el que és important...

it's that even the one about the series, everything that is important...

Tu saps la Bíblia?

Do you know the Bible?

Sí.

Yes.

Has escrit-ho fa molts anys.

You wrote it many years ago.

Però, o sigui, m'estàs posant...

But, I mean, you are putting me...

Jo només follo pèl, també.

I only fuck hair, too.

M'estàs posant Valero Sant Martí a l'altura dels senyors que van escriure la Bíblia.

You are putting Valero Sant Martí on the same level as the gentlemen who wrote the Bible.

Una mica per sobre, sobretot.

A little above, especially.

M'agrada, m'agrada, m'agrada.

I like it, I like it, I like it.

Un palet per sobre.

A pallet on top.

No, no, però mola perquè...

No, no, but it's cool because...

Expliqueu als ignorants qui és aquest senyor.

Explain to the ignorant who this gentleman is.

A veure, això era un tio que...

Let's see, this was a guy who...

Una miqueta.

A little bit.

Això era un tio que tenia...

This was a guy who had...

A terra de l'Ebre.

In the land of the Ebro.

Això era un tio que tenia un...

This was a guy who had a...

Sí, un tio que tenia un blog que es deia

Yes, a guy who had a blog called

Jo només follo a pèl,

I only have sex bareback.

que el seu avatar era el tio aquell que feia de MacGyver.

that his avatar was that guy who played MacGyver.

Sí, sí, amb el bigoti.

Yes, yes, with the mustache.

El Magnum.

The Magnum.

El Magnum, amb un parche a l'ull,

The Magnum, with a patch over one eye,

i el tio era de flics.

And the guy was a cop.

I llavors, a partir d'aquí va a...

And then, from here it goes to...

De flics?

Of cops?

Era de flics, era de flics.

It was a cop era, it was a cop era.

Però què vol dir flics?

But what does flics mean?

Què vol dir flics?

What does "flics" mean?

Flics.

Cops.

El tio Flix.

The uncle Flix.

Bueno, és que jo no he entès mai per què...

Well, it's just that I have never understood why...

Flics.

Cops.

Però què estem ara?

But what are we now?

A Miami?

To Miami?

I van fotre net i van fotre les pel·lícules d'ahir.

They cleaned up and messed up yesterday's movies.

A Flix, cony, hòstia puta, a Flix.

In Flix, damn it, fucking hell, in Flix.

Posem-ho al dia.

Let's get it up to date.

Sempre m'ha sortit...

It has always worked out for me...

Sí, t'ha sortit flics perquè és més flexi.

Yes, you've got flicks because it's more flexible.

I tu ets molt flexi.

And you are very flexible.

Bueno, tio, això és com Microsoft i...

Well, dude, this is like Microsoft and...

I és Microsoft.

And it is Microsoft.

I Nike.

I Nike.

No és el mateix perquè és un poble de Catalunya!

It's not the same because it's a town in Catalonia!

I Nike, saps d'on ve?

I Nike, do you know where it comes from?

Del grec.

From Greek.

No, bueno, sí, clar, de la diosa Niquet.

No, well, yes, of course, from the goddess Niquet.

Que a més se suposa,

That is also supposed to,

que la merdeta aquesta de símbol és...

that this little piece of shit of a symbol is...

Bueno, vaig mirar un...

Well, I looked at a...

Ella masturbant, saps?

She’s masturbating, you know?

No, vaig mirar un croquis, és...

No, I looked at a sketch, it is...

Tu saps aquella antena que hi ha de Jesucrist allà a Montjuïc?

Do you know that antenna of Jesus Christ over there in Montjuïc?

L'antena de Jesucrist a Montjuïc, sí.

The antenna of Jesus Christ in Montjuïc, yes.

Doncs això, que si no t'ho expliquen,

Well, that's it, if they don't explain it to you,

doncs bueno, sí, pot ser que t'arribi a passar pel cap

Well, yes, maybe it crosses your mind.

el de Nike, si et dius Niquet i tal,

the one from Nike, if your name is Niquet and such,

bueno, doncs pot ser.

well, then maybe.

Però és Jesucrist fent així, no?

But it's Jesus Christ doing this, isn't it?

Que és molt radiofònic el que estic fent ara mateix.

What I am doing right now is very radio-friendly.

Sí, s'està veient moltíssim a través de la ràdio.

Yes, it is being seen a lot through the radio.

Jo el que no m'acaba de...

What doesn't quite...

Podem anar a fumar, ja, o no?

Can we go smoke now, or not?

Però hem de començar una miqueta, no?

But we have to start a little bit, right?

Hem de parlar una mica de...

We need to talk a little about...

Bob Senegal, aviam.

Bob Senegal, let's see.

Estàs bevent d'emblemon?

Are you drinking from an emblem?

Això mateix.

Exactly that.

També et diré que és bastant millor

I will also tell you that it is quite better.

que el que s'estava bevent aquí el conductor,

that what the driver was drinking here,

que estava bevent-se una Dr. Pepper

that was drinking a Dr. Pepper

crim en soda.

crime in soda.

Tenim accions, tenim accions de Dr. Pepper.

We have shares, we have shares of Dr. Pepper.

Per això l'estem promocionant.

That's why we are promoting it.

Literalment li ha preguntat,

He literally asked him.

Dr. Pepper, crim soda?

Dr. Pepper, crime soda?

I li ha preguntat al venedor.

And he/she has asked the seller.

I això quin gust té? I li ha dit.

And what does it taste like? And he told him.

Se l'ha mirat així molt fortament

He has looked at her very intensely like that.

i...

I...

No, jo li he dit

No, I have told him/her.

esto que sabe

this that you know

el crim soda, i se l'ha mirat molt fortament

the crime is soft, and has been looked at very strongly

i m'ha dit, a crema de soda.

he told me, to soda ash.

Escolta, no, a veure,

Listen, no, let’s see,

Raül...

Raül...

No, no, és que al final les coses són com són.

No, no, it's just that in the end things are as they are.

I què sap? Està molt fort això?

And what does he know? Is this very strong?

No, és com...

No, it's like...

Crema de soda.

Soda cream.

És la típica piruleta aquella que et donava el metge

It's the typical lollipop that the doctor used to give you.

quan eres petit, saps?

when you were little, you know?

Que s'havia molt de piruleta,

There was a lot of lollipop.

hi ha molt piruleta, com hi ha al Rajoy.

There is a lot of lollipop, like there is in Rajoy.

No, no, no, és analcòlic.

No, no, no, it's non-alcoholic.

No, no, jo només és pit.

No, no, I only have a breast.

Soda analcòlica.

Soft drink.

Molt bé, Massif.

Very good, Massif.

L'heu dit?

Have you said it?

Som el team 25, no?

We are team 25, right?

Home, sí, 25.

Man, yes, 25.

Avui parlarem de 25.

Today we will talk about 25.

Doncs ja pots començar a parlar.

Well, you can start talking now.

El conductor no ens mereix això, i tu tampoc.

The driver doesn't deserve this, and neither do you.

Ens mereixem una estrella.

We deserve a star.

Ens mereixem una estrella, Jordi.

We deserve a star, Jordi.

L'úbric Redretón.

The rugged Redretón.

Jo em prendré una estrella ara, quan m'acabi la Coca-Cola.

I will take a star now, when I finish the Coca-Cola.

Hi ha una multa que s'ha de penjar.

There is a fine that needs to be posted.

Avui farem un triplete que em fotrà el fin de l'aigua.

Today we will make a treble that will annoy me at the end of the water.

És una, com es deia, Dr. Piper,

It is one, as it was said, Dr. Piper,

una Coca-Cola i després una estrella.

a Coca-Cola and then a star.

La panxeta.

The belly.

Haurem de trucar a l'Errejón.

We will have to call Errejón.

Ai, la panxeta.

Oh, the little belly.

Que em fa mal la panxeta.

My belly hurts.

Doncs tenim aquí un paper groc.

Well, we have a yellow piece of paper here.

Anava a parlar de l'Errejón.

I was going to talk about Errejón.

Hem compartit els tres un paper groc aquesta setmana.

The three of us have shared a yellow piece of paper this week.

No, en tenim un cadú.

No, we have a caducity.

Personalitat.

Personality.

Jo no el volia, però aquí s'ha de compartir.

I didn't want it, but here we have to share.

I posa el nom propi.

And put the proper name.

Ara fot anys que no me'n foten.

Now it's been years since they've bothered me.

Collons, a mi a mi m'en fotia també.

Damn, I didn't care either.

Tu te'n recordes? Jo crec que estaves una vegada

Do you remember? I think you were there once.

que anàvem pel carrer,

that we were walking down the street,

quan érem particularment en Arguments,

when we were particularly in Arguments,

anàvem cridant i fotent palmes pel carrer,

we were shouting and clapping in the street,

va passar la Guàrdia Urbana,

the Urban Guard passed by,

òbviament ens va sudar la polla, no només això,

obviously, we didn't care at all, not just that,

sí que hi era el Durant, ara que me'n recordo.

Yes, Durant was there, now that I remember.

El nivell de decibels

The level of decibels

era de presència duraniana.

it was a Durinian presence.

El nivell de decibels era de presència duraniana.

The level of decibels was of Durian presence.

Va passar la policia

The police passed by.

i no només vam tenir

and not only did we have

el decoro de baixar

the decorum of lowering

una mica la veu, sinó que encara

a little the voice, but still

el vam pujar més al volum perquè vam dir...

we turned up the volume because we said...

Vam ostentar.

We boasted.

Llavors la policia va...

Then the police...

Allò era el que va passar. Ve la policia

That was what happened. The police are coming.

com dient, va, pa' xulo xulo, mi pirulo,

as they say, come on, for a cool guy, my dear,

agafa, ens treu

take, he/she takes us out

un paperet exactament igual que aquest

a little piece of paper exactly like this one

on posava ordenància, també la mateixa merda,

it was the same shit that put in order,

ordenància de convivència no sé què,

regulation of coexistence I don't know what,

en aquest cas no diu això,

in this case it doesn't say that,

diu per volum

says per volume

o no sé què collons, i jo agafo,

or I don’t know what the hell, and I take,

me la dona, la trenco, la tiro al terra

I take it from her, I break it, I throw it on the ground.

i llavors me'n treu una altra i em diu per tirar papers a terra.

And then she takes another one out and tells me to throw papers on the ground.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

Saps? No me la trenquis aquesta que l'he pagat.

You know? Don't break it for me because I paid for it.

I me'n vaig a emportar dos, bueno, no me'n vaig a emportar cap,

I'm going to take two, well, I'm not going to take any.

però van arribar, van arribar.

but they arrived, they arrived.

Què va passar a l'història?

What happened in history?

Som víctimes del Collboni.

We are victims of Collboni.

En aquesta ràdio es pot fer

On this radio, you can do it.

spam anticollboni o hem de fer veure

anticollboni spam or do we have to pretend?

que remem a favor? Jo ho puc fer d'una forma molt irònica, si vols.

What do you remember in favor? I can do it in a very ironic way, if you want.

A veure, aquesta ràdio,

Let's see, this radio,

diguem-ne que està...

let's say it's...

Està indirectament

It is indirectly.

finançada...

financed...

No, collons, molt directament per l'Ajuntament.

No, damn it, very directly to the City Council.

Llavors, aquí, el nostre

Then, here, our

estimat alcalde, Betania B,

dear mayor, Betania B,

recordar-nos que les ordenances municipals

remind us that the municipal ordinances

impedeixen beure alcohol en la via pública.

they prohibit drinking alcohol in public places.

I que són per complir-les.

And what are they for if not to be fulfilled?

I eren tres persones, va vèncer una llauna...

And there were three people, one can won...

Al mig de Montjuïc, segurament.

In the middle of Montjuïc, probably.

Baixant a Poblesequia.

Going down to Poblesequia.

Al Galàxia Zilló, amb una estrella regular,

In the Zilló Galaxy, with an ordinary star,

Bob Senegal, amb una d'Amlemon,

Bob Senegal, with one of Amlemon,

que té més mèrit.

that has more merit.

És que haurien de multar, ja, per beure això.

They should impose fines, already, for drinking this.

Clar, és que...

Of course, it's that...

Ah, però espera, que es porta alcohol, jo no hi havia caigut,

Ah, but wait, it brings alcohol, I hadn't thought of that.

he vist unes llimonetes aquí...

I have seen some little lemons here...

Es porta alcohol, però només 3%, eh?

It's alcohol, but only 3%, okay?

Bueno, i una estrella que em porta 3,8?

Well, and a star that takes me 3.8?

4,7. Ah, 4,7.

4.7. Ah, 4.7.

5,4. Per cert, Jordi, va, serveix-me una,

5.4. By the way, Jordi, come on, serve me one.

que ja s'ha pagat la Coca-Cola.

that the Coca-Cola has already been paid.

Bé, ho faig jo, que per algú

Well, I'll do it, that for someone

sóc jo el que es dedica a això.

I am the one who dedicates themselves to this.

Gràcies.

Thank you.

Bueno, a tot això, el Fiera aquest i jo

Well, about all this, the Fiera and I.

ens heu de veure desfilant a la barra, eh?

You have to see us parading at the bar, right?

Allò és un espectacle digne de veure.

That is a spectacle worth seeing.

Doncs nosaltres tenim el...

Well, we have the...

un amic que ha sigut pare

a friend who has become a father

recentment, que ell sempre...

recently, that he always...

Bob Paternitat, li podem dir?

Can we call him Bob Paternity?

No, ell sempre ha volgut que li diguem...

No, he has always wanted us to call him...

Bueno, en realitat li vaig posar allò el nom i li va semblar bé...

Well, actually I named it that and he thought it was fine...

el tio Manel.

Uncle Manel.

És veritat, us recordo.

It's true, I remember you.

El tio Manel. Per què?

Uncle Manel. Why?

Doncs no ho sé.

Well, I don't know.

Tio Manel!

Uncle Manel!

Per la cançó dels catalans.

For the song of the Catalans.

Doncs el tio Manel...

Well, Uncle Manel...

Doncs no sé què volia dir jo del tio Manel.

Well, I don't know what I meant to say about Uncle Manel.

No hi ha programa que no...

There is no program that doesn't...

El Durant no tiri una puta...

The Durant doesn't throw a whore...

Aquell Durant, l'altre dia va ser tu.

That During, the other day it was you.

Però compta, compta.

But watch out, watch out.

A veure, el Sanitol de rigor.

Let's see, the necessary Sanitol.

Sanitol!

Sanitol!

Està aquí.

It's here.

Sanitol!

Sanitol!

Senyor Roger.

Mr. Roger.

Fica-li una mica pel mig.

Put it a little in the middle.

Ara ja sí que sí, no me'n recordo

Now yes indeed, I don't remember it.

de què cony volia del tio Manel.

what the hell did he want from Uncle Manel.

Ah, doncs el tio Manel...

Ah, so Uncle Manel...

La recent paternitat.

The recent fatherhood.

No, que vol que se li digui tio Manel

No, what do you want to be called Uncle Manel?

perquè treballa precisament pel senyor alcalde

because he works precisely for the mayor

i diu que des que estan associats...

and says that since they became associated...

El coneixeu els dos.

You know both of them.

Sí, que està voltant el tio Manel.

Yes, the guy Manel is wandering around.

El tio Manel només és un lacallo.

Uncle Manel is just a freeloader.

A més, un lacallo que no se'l pot fer fora.

Additionally, a lazy person that cannot be dismissed.

Vull dir...

I mean...

Que té plaça de lacallo.

That has a place of a horse.

S'ha intentat.

It has been tried.

S'ha intentat, però...

It has been attempted, but...

De fet, hi ha una persona que va estar de baixa molt de temps

In fact, there is a person who was on leave for a long time.

per veure si el tio Manel queia, però...

to see if Uncle Manel would fall, but...

Com dues mil pàgines d'auto

Like two thousand pages of self.

allò el senyor jutge va venir així

the lord judge came like this

no, que el senyor que també em seguia pel Twitter

No, that the gentleman who also followed me on Twitter.

i em feia bullying pel Twitter.

And I was being bullied on Twitter.

No va trucar l'errejón?

Did Errejón not call?

I al final va sortir el senyor juez i va dir

And in the end, the judge came out and said.

bueno, nois, jo què sé, al saler del recreo

Well, guys, I don't know, at the playground.

le pegues un punyetazo, però...

you punch him, but...

Feu una mica invisible

Make yourself a little invisible.

i feu les pauses.

And take breaks.

No, doncs el tio

No, so the guy.

diu que l'associat és una meravella

he says that the associate is a wonder

que gestionen, i això que té el carnet de la CUP

that they manage, and this despite having the CUP membership card

és que és un poc de vergonya.

It's just a little embarrassing.

No, gestionen de puta mare

No, they manage like shit.

el...

the...

La nostra sequia.

Our drought.

És una llei seca...

It is a dry law...

Passem a la nostra secció fumar.

Let's move to our smoking section.

Molt bé.

Very well.

Ara, companys i companyes, passem a la secció fumar.

Now, colleagues, let's move on to the smoking section.

I quan tornem, fem...

And when we return, we do...

Música senegal?

Senegalese music?

No, ah, vols música?

No, oh, do you want music?

Bueno, no, a mi m'és igual, eh?

Well, no, I don't care, okay?

O passem a la nostra secció sènior.

Or we move on to our senior section.

Avui fem la vostra secció...

Today we do your section...

Tenim secció sènior.

We have a senior section.

Com oblidar-ho?

How to forget it?

Ho havíem oblidat, ho hem tingut a mirar.

We had forgotten it, we had to look at it.

Com oblidar-ho, però ho hem oblidat.

How could we forget it, but we have forgotten it.

Jo és que he passat a la CBD,

I have moved to the CBD,

però he fumat molt de THC a la meva vida,

but I have smoked a lot of THC in my life,

i ja m'ho perdonareu.

And you will forgive me for it.

Doncs anem a fumar, i no ho notareu, però...

Well, let's go smoke, and you won't notice it, but...

Harvest, harvest, harvest!

Harvest, harvest, harvest!

I anem a comprar birres, que estem...

Let's go buy some beers, because we are...

Donarem pas a...

We will give way to...

No me'n heu d'estiminar.

You shouldn't underestimate me.

Sempre igual, sempre igual.

Always the same, always the same.

Sempre igual.

Always the same.

La Barcelona canalla, la Barcelona de nit,

The naughty Barcelona, the Barcelona at night,

la Barcelona bohèmia.

the bohemian Barcelona.

Diuen que ha canviat molt.

They say that he has changed a lot.

Jo penso...

I think...

Amic Lluís,

Friend Lluís,

que la vida bohèmia no ha canviat massa.

that bohemian life hasn't changed much.

El que ha canviat ha sigut la censura, oi?

What has changed is the censorship, right?

Bé, el temps canvia,

Well, the weather changes.

i quan canvia, canvia per tot.

And when it changes, it changes for everything.

Hi ha una cosa molt important,

There is something very important,

i és que als anys 20

and it is that in the 20s

hi havia molta censura.

there was a lot of censorship.

Molta censura perquè va ser

A lot of censorship because it was.

quan va entrar el general Primo de Rivera

when General Primo de Rivera entered

i va fer tancar les cases de prostitució,

and had the brothels closed down,

va fer tancar, doncs,

he made it close, then,

les cases de joc,

the gambling houses,

i això va fer que molta gent de Barcelona

and this made a lot of people from Barcelona

que volien sexe

that wanted sex

i que volien, doncs, diversió,

and what they wanted, then, was fun,

se n'anaven fora de Barcelona,

they were going out of Barcelona,

se n'anaven a Portugal,

they were going to Portugal,

se n'anaven a França,

they were going to France,

i allà ho tenien.

And there they had it.

Ves quines coses.

Look at those things.

Llavors, quan va acabar la dictadura

Then, when the dictatorship ended

de l'alpina Rivera

of the alpine Rivera

i va venir la Segona República,

and the Second Republic came,

les cases de barrets

the hat boxes

van obrir les portes de bat a bat, oi, senyor Lluís?

They opened the doors wide, didn't they, Mr. Lluís?

Sí, bé, però, vull dir,

Yes, well, but, I mean,

això també és lògic, eh?

this is also logical, isn’t it?

Perquè a la vida tot evoluciona.

Because in life everything evolves.

I, escolti, ja...

I, listen, already...

Sap quina era la casa de barrets

Do you know what the hat house was?

més famosa a Barcelona?

more famous in Barcelona?

No ho sé, perquè n'hi havia moltes.

I don't know, because there were many of them.

La Mare d'en Petit?

The Mother of Little One?

Sí, que la Mare d'en Petit...

Yes, that the Mother of the Little One...

Ai, la Mare d'en Petit va ser el primer lloc

Oh, the Mother of Little One was the first place.

on es van ja fer servir

where they were already used

els preservatius.

the condoms.

Sí.

Yes.

Avui en dia vostè va a la farmàcia

Nowadays you go to the pharmacy.

i, escolti, això ha canviat, una noia...

Yes, listen, this has changed, a girl...

Però abans,

But before,

escolti, jo recordo quan era jove

Listen, I remember when I was young.

que vostè anava a la farmàcia

that you were going to the pharmacy

i no podia dir-li a una dependenta

and I couldn't tell a saleswoman

escolti, doncs, venia el dependent

Listen, then, the clerk was coming.

escolti, escolti...

Listen, listen...

Aviam, s'ha equivocat aquí, no?

Let's see, you made a mistake here, didn't you?

Vista, vista...

Sight, sight...

No, escolti, si no és per la vista, és per baix.

No, listen, if it's not for the sight, it's for below.

Sí, no és un acudit,

Yes, it's not a joke,

és la veritat.

It is the truth.

Aquesta casa

This house

va ser la que va començar a dir-se

it was the one that started to be called

casa de barrets. I sap per què es diu casa de barrets?

hat house. And do you know why it's called hat house?

L'altre dia vaig llegir-ho en una revista eròtica.

The other day I read it in an erotic magazine.

Sí, perquè el condó,

Yes, because the condom,

clar, es posava a sobre del...

of course, it lay on top of the...

d'això, del membre,

of this, of the member,

esclar, barrets, això és com un barret, eh?

of course, hats, this is like a hat, right?

Quines coses, eh?

What things, huh?

Quines coses més curioses.

What more curious things.

Però, escolti, vostè sembla que se li hagi parat el rellotge, eh?

But, listen, it seems like your clock has stopped, huh?

Parlem de preus, parlem de preus.

Let's talk about prices, let's talk about prices.

Parlem de preus. A l'any 29

Let's talk about prices. In the year 29.

sap què costava un servei

he knows how much a service cost

d'una senyora pública a una...

from a public lady to a...

a un petit?

to a small one?

No ho sé. Tres pessetes.

I don't know. Three pesetas.

Doncs, miri, ara aquest xicot

Well, look, now this young man

que ho fombrant a la presó,

that they will do it in prison,

escolti, podria que hagués volgut

Listen, I could have wanted.

que haguéssim estat a aquella època,

if we had been in that time,

perquè, pobre home,

because, poor man,

bé, no sé si es va portar bé

well, I don't know if he behaved well

o es va passar,

or it happened,

però, pobre home, li costarà...

but, poor man, it will be difficult for him...

Què te'n costarà de duros

What will it cost you in pesetas?

aquest polvet?

this powder?

Doncs això és el que li ha passat.

Well, that is what happened to him/her.

Un quilo de pa,

A kilo of bread,

deu cèntims.

ten cents.

Imagini's, eh? Jo coneixia un senyor que cada setmana

Imagine that, right? I knew a gentleman who every week

anava a Cala Medanpetit.

I was going to Cala Medanpetit.

Sí. I jugava a la carteta.

Yes. And I was playing with the card.

A la Medipetit va ser com primer

At Medipetit, it was like first.

feien la carteta. Explica això,

They were making the little card. Explain this.

vostè ho sap, això de la carteta?

Do you know about the letter?

Bé, que es posava en casa...

Well, he/she was putting himself/herself at home...

I el que treia

And what I took out.

la carta, que convenia,

the letter, which was suitable,

doncs, miri, és el que s'emportava

Well, you see, it's what he was taking away.

la senyora cap al llit.

the lady to bed.

S'emportava la senyora cap a dalt

The lady was taking her up.

i feien la feina, eh?

And they did the job, huh?

Ai, la Barcelona golfa,

Oh, the naughty Barcelona,

la Barcelona, doncs,

so Barcelona,

canalla, abans

kids, before

era com ara, eh?

It was like now, huh?

I hi ha una cosa molt curiosa,

And there is something very curious,

i és que en aquella època van sortir llibres

And it is that at that time books were published.

que deien que el sexe,

they said that sex,

després dels cinquanta, és el millor.

after fifty, it's the best.

Es disfruta més, sexualment,

It is enjoyed more, sexually,

després dels cinquanta que en vint anys.

after fifty than in twenty years.

No ho sé, això ho hem de preguntar a la gent jove, però

I don't know, we have to ask the young people about this, but...

això ho deia la premsa, eh?

the press was saying this, right?

Sí, sí, però no, però, escolti...

Yes, yes, but no, but, listen...

Sovint, sembla

Often, it seems

que el sexe està lligat a la joventut,

that sex is tied to youth,

però no és així, no és així.

but it is not like that, it is not like that.

Diu que fer sexe,

He says that having sex,

tant si amb la teva senyora com amb

whether with your lady or with

una altra pública, això va al teu gust,

another public one, this is to your liking,

millora la salut cardiovascular,

improves cardiovascular health,

redueix l'estrès, augmenta

reduces stress, increases

l'autoestima.

self-esteem.

Escolti, quins beneficis té això, eh?

Listen, what benefits does this have, huh?

Sí, sí, escolti, i poc,

Yes, yes, listen, and little,

preu, perquè això és

price, because this is

un preu miserable.

a miserable price.

Ai, senyor, però hi ha senyores que els fa

Oh, sir, but there are ladies who do it.

fàstic el sexe, eh?

disgusting sex, huh?

Mira, hi ha de tot. Hi ha molta

Look, there is all kinds of things. There is a lot.

hipocresia i molta poca vergonya.

hypocrisy and a lot of shame.

No en faig cas. Et fa fàstic el sexe

I don't care. You find sex disgusting.

si estàs escoltant el programa

if you are listening to the program

i mantenir relacions sexuals?

And maintaining sexual relations?

Potser estic experimentant

Perhaps I am experimenting.

erotofòbia.

erotophobia.

Què és l'erotofòbia? Què és?

What is erotophobia? What is it?

Doncs, un odi al sexe,

Well, a hatred of sex,

tant entre dones com entre homes, o sigui,

both among women and among men, that is,

no volen saber res.

they don't want to know anything.

Però això, tot això són cuentos,

But this, all of this is just stories,

perquè el sexe ha sigut,

because sex has been,

és i serà

is and will be

sempre una cosa important

always an important thing

i distreta, saps?

And distracted, you know?

Ai, senyor, hauríem d'acabar,

Oh, Lord, we should finish.

però jo voldria

but I would like

explicar una anècdota

to explain an anecdote

una mica eròtica,

a bit erotic,

però no és així. Resulta que

but that's not the case. It turns out that

als anys 20

in the 1920s

va haver-hi una llei que prohibia que

there was a law that prohibited that

les artistes sortissin

the artists were coming out

a l'escenari ensenyant

on stage teaching

les calces. Sí.

the panties. Yes.

S'aixecaven les fondilles

The foundations were being lifted.

i hi havia un artista,

and there was an artist,

l'altre dia en parlava una revista,

the other day a magazine was talking about it,

que deia que

that said that

la Matí, que era una noia

the Matí, who was a girl

francesa que la van treure de França,

French woman who was taken out of France,

i quan va venir aquí el Paral·lel,

and when the Paral·lel came here,

em sembla que era el Molino,

I think it was the Molino,

doncs va haver-hi unes senyores moralistes

so there were some moralistic ladies

que van anar a veure...

that they went to see...

Estava prohibit que les artistes

It was prohibited for the artists.

ensenyessin les cuixes i ensenyessin

showing the thighs and showing

les calces.

the braces.

I la van portar a la comissaria,

And they took her to the police station,

això és històric, eh?

this is historic, isn't it?

El comissari li diu, en castellà,

The commissioner says to him, in Spanish,

perquè estava obligat, oiga, hemos recibido

because I was obliged, hey, we have received

una queja de usted

a complaint from you

porque usted en el escenario

because you on stage

sube la falda

lift the skirt

y enseña las bragas.

and shows the panties.

I diu, perdone, senyor comissario,

And he says, excuse me, Mr. Commissioner,

esto es mentira,

this is a lie,

porque yo cuando subo al escenario

because when I go on stage

y me subo la falda, no llevo

and I pull up my skirt, I'm not wearing

bragas.

panties.

Això és històric, què li sembla, eh?

This is historic, what do you think, eh?

Bé, ja que parlem de bragas

Well, since we're talking about panties.

i d'aquestes coses curioses, doncs

and of these curious things, then

vostè sap el que és un...

you know what a... is

un pulveritzador?

a spray?

Sí.

Yes.

Per refrescar l'ambient, oi?

To refresh the atmosphere, right?

Sí, sí, clar, home, i tant.

Yes, yes, of course, man, absolutely.

Sobretot quan un ambient

Especially when an environment

s'ha posat tan calent...

he's gotten so heated...

Escolti, escolti,

Listen, listen,

vostè fa servir molt el pulveritzador?

Do you use the sprayer a lot?

Encara, a aquesta edat?

Still, at this age?

Home, com tothom, ves?

Home, like everyone else, right?

Home, no, però estic parlant del pulveritzador de casa, eh?

No, but I'm talking about the home sprayer, okay?

No pensem malament sobre el Lluís, home.

Let's not think ill of Lluís, man.

Home, no.

No, home.

No posi cara de sàtir, eh?

Don't make a satyr face, okay?

No, no, sàtir, eh?

No, no, satyr, huh?

Escolti.

Listen.

Doncs, per acabar aquest comentari,

Well, to conclude this comment,

espero que us hagin agradat aquestes anècdotes,

I hope you have enjoyed these anecdotes.

el pulveritzador, una cançó

the sprayer, a song

que va fer popular

that made popular

la Olga Ramos, una noia desapareguda

Olga Ramos, a missing girl

que cançava cantants eròtics,

that sang erotic singers,

però en aquella època, als anys 30,

but at that time, in the 30s,

això s'havia de cantar d'una manera

this had to be sung in a certain way

dissimulada. Avui en dia ja,

disguised. Nowadays,

escolti, com que hi ha el perreu

Listen, since there is the perreu.

i tot això, escolti, ja ha passat.

And all this, listen, has already happened.

Però en aquella època, escoltar el pulveritzador,

But at that time, to hear the sprayer,

les noies deien

the girls said

aaaaaaah,

aaaaaaah,

escolti, quina cuixina!

Listen, what a kitchen!

Esteu escoltant?

Are you listening?

Ah, no, el pulveritzador no.

Ah, no, the sprayer no.

Escoltem-lo ara.

Let's listen to him now.

Queridos contertulios,

Dear discussants,

queridos fans,

dear fans,

muy buenas noches.

Very good evening.

Es aldabada postrera

It is the last door.

ha sonado en la escalera.

It has sounded in the stairway.

Están ustedes en un local

You are in a venue.

que no es un local,

that it is not a venue,

completamente de ayer.

completely from yesterday.

Aquí todo es pura reliquia.

Here everything is a pure relic.

Comenzando por nosotras.

Starting with us.

Nosotras,

We,

¿de dónde somos nosotras, hijos míos?

Where are we from, my children?

Del Museo de Cera.

From the Wax Museum.

Y sobre todo

And above all

los cuplés.

the couplets.

Los cuplés son auténticos del ayer.

The cuplés are authentic from yesterday.

Y voy a comenzar por uno muy fino,

And I am going to start with a very fine one,

algo picaresco,

something cheeky,

que se llama el pulverizador.

that is called the spray gun.

El pulverizador.

The sprayer.

Mirar, a esto,

Look, at this,

a este pulverizador, hijos míos,

to this sprayer, my children,

les falta la gomita

it's missing the rubber band

y el chismecito.

and the gossip.

Pero yo lo voy a accionar

But I am going to take action on it.

como si estuviera completo, ¿comprende?

As if it were complete, do you understand?

Así, cuando quieras,

So, whenever you want,

ataca, fortunata.

attack, fortunate.

Si quieren perfumarse,

If they want to perfume themselves,

de forma delicada,

delicately,

colonia o talco,

cologne or talcum powder,

echarse

to lie down

con toda discreción.

with all discretion.

Sobre todo el talco, ¿eh?

Above all the talcum powder, right?

Sobre todo el talco.

Especially the talc.

La casa recomienda

The house recommends.

y da su garantía

and gives its guarantee

para estar bien al día

to stay up to date

el pulverizador.

the sprayer.

¡Ay, ay, ay!

Oh, oh, oh!

Un momento, un momento, un momento.

One moment, one moment, one moment.

Como en las películas, tengo que decir

Like in the movies, I have to say.

que la temática de este cuple

that the theme of this couplet

puede herir espíritus sensibles.

It can hurt sensitive spirits.

¡Ay, ay, ay!

Oh, oh, oh!

Hay que pulverizar, hijas mías, hijas mías.

We must spray, my daughters, my daughters.

¡Ay, ay, ay!

Oh, oh, oh!

¡Qué aroma es!

What a scent it is!

¡Qué aroma embriagador!

What an intoxicating aroma!

¡Ay, ay, ay!

Oh, oh, oh!

¡Qué gusto da rociarse!

What a pleasure it is to spray oneself!

¡Qué gusto da rociarse la Virgen!

What a pleasure it is to sprinkle the Virgin!

¡Qué gusto da rociarse con el pulverizador!

What a pleasure it is to spray oneself with the spray bottle!

Déu-n'hi-do, déu-n'hi-do els nostres col·laboradors.

Well, well, our collaborators.

Les persones que més respectem del planeta, probablement.

The people we respect the most on the planet, probably.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Quin tou d'anècdotes, com oblidar-les.

What a lot of anecdotes, how could I forget them.

El pulverizador...

The sprayer...

Aviam.

Let's see.

Com ho veus, això del pulverizador, Jordi?

What do you think about the sprayer, Jordi?

Jo crec que els senyors

I think that the gentlemen

són més punquis que nosaltres.

they are more punk than us.

Són molt punquis, tio.

They are very punk, dude.

Eh...

Eh...

Jo tinc un petit recull aquí de frases

I have a small collection of phrases here.

que ells deixen anar.

that they let go.

Aviam, aviam.

Let's see, let's see.

Una noia francesa que la van treure de França.

A French girl who was taken out of France.

Parlant d'una puta.

Talking about a whore.

Però això aquí va bé.

But this works well here.

Procetuta.

Prosecution.

Ells dos.

The two of them.

Jo crec que la van treure de Bangladesh.

I think they took her out of Bangladesh.

Ja que parlem de Braga...

Since we're talking about Braga...

Què tindrà a veure amb la Bangladesh en tot això?

What will it have to do with Bangladesh in all this?

Perversions, perquè no existia Pornhub a la seva època

Perversions, because Pornhub didn’t exist in their time.

i no sabien el que era Bangladesh.

and they didn't know what Bangladesh was.

Correcte.

Correct.

No, és que no existia Bangladesh.

No, it's just that Bangladesh didn't exist.

No existia.

It did not exist.

Per començar, està a 67, em sembla, Bangladesh.

To begin with, it is at 67, I think, Bangladesh.

Ja que parlem de Braga i coses curioses,

Since we're talking about Braga and interesting things,

la més bona.

the best.

Un li diu a l'altre,

One says to the other,

no posi cara de sàtir.

Don't make a satyr face.

No posi cara de sàtir.

Don't make a satyr face.

Sàtir, sàtir, perdó.

Satyric, satyric, forgive me.

A més, mira que l'hi he escrit a ell.

Furthermore, look what I've written to him.

I el concepte, hay que pulverizar.

And the concept, it needs to be pulverized.

Bueno, aquí s'ha de fer una porra.

Well, here we have to make a guess.

Qui dels dos havia sigut més clàpula?

Who among the two had been more foolish?

El Josep o ell?

Joseph or him?

El que dissimula, el que no crida.

The one who conceals, the one who does not shout.

El que dissimula, el que dissimula.

He who hides, he who hides.

El que té cara de sàtir.

The one who has the face of a satyr.

El que té cara de sàtir, eh?

The one who has the face of a satyr, huh?

Aquí ho hem vist molt clar.

We have seen this very clearly here.

Avui no li acabo de pillar jo el volum correcte

Today I can't quite get the right volume.

al cony de programa, eh?

to the damn program, huh?

És una cosa que sempre s'ha tingut en compte

It is something that has always been taken into account.

des que et van donar un Premi Ondas

since you were awarded an Ondas Prize

al millor tècnic d'Espanya.

to the best technician in Spain.

Jo ho sento amb els cascos, eh?

I feel it with the headphones, okay?

No se sent res.

Nothing can be heard.

Ho sento amb l'ambient.

I apologize with the atmosphere.

Amb l'ambient.

With the environment.

Mal ambient, eh?

Bad atmosphere, huh?

Amb l'ambient sàtir.

With the satirical atmosphere.

Bueno, Durant, avui tu què portes al programa?

Well, Durant, what do you bring to the show today?

Què tenim?

What do we have?

Pues jo he portat un convidat

Well, I brought a guest.

i vaig apuntant frases a l'atzar.

I am jotting down random sentences.

L'úbric redretón.

The greedy glutton.

És tu quan t'has equivocat llegint l'úbric redretón.

It is you when you made a mistake reading the red book.

És que ja em passava d'editar-ho i tot, tio.

It's just that I was already going to edit it and everything, dude.

Prenedor merendero, m'ha encantat.

Picnic taker, I loved it.

I després tenim el concepte canalla i criatura.

And then we have the concept of kid and creature.

Aquí, vull parlar sobre el concepte canalla i criatura.

Here, I want to talk about the concept of child and creature.

Parla'n, parla'n.

Talking, talking.

Són dues paraules que just en català

They are two words that only exist in Catalan.

es refereixen a la quixalla, als nanos,

they refer to the quixote, to the kids,

a nens petits, a persones petites

to small children, to small people

que no han crescut, no, encara?

Haven't they grown yet?

Mhm.

Mhm.

El castellà té un context negatiu.

Spanish has a negative context.

Ser un canalla i ser un criatura.

To be a scoundrel and to be a child.

Una criatura és un monstre.

A creature is a monster.

Ser un canalla és ser un tarambana.

To be a rascal is to be a scamp.

Bueno, en català també es diu, no?

Well, it's also said in Catalan, right?

Ets una criatura.

You are a creature.

No, és un castellanisme.

No, it is a Spanishism.

Si a tu et diuen, en un català formal,

If they tell you, in a formal Catalan,

ets canalla, vol dir que...

you are a rascal, it means that...

Ets un canalla.

You are a rascal.

Sí, canalla és com...

Yes, rascal is like...

No, en català hi ha un matís.

No, in Catalan there is a nuance.

Actues com un nen petit.

You act like a little child.

No és que actues com un gamberrete.

It's not that you act like a hooligan.

Sí, canalla té una connotació...

Yes, "canalla" has a connotation...

Va dir...

He said...

M'encanta el...

I love the...

Tu ets una persona disglossiada.

You are a disglossic person.

M'encanta el programa...

I love the show...

Lumpen Filòlegs.

Lumpen Philologists.

Filologia il·lustrada.

Illustrated philology.

M'encanta el programa Lumpen Filòlegs, saps?

I love the show Lumpen Filòlegs, you know?

Bueno, mira, escolta'm, aquí...

Well, look, listen to me, here...

Ha vingut el Bitkenstein de Senegal, eh?

Bitkenstein from Senegal has come, huh?

Bueno.

Good.

Un especialista en llengua, llenguatge...

A specialist in language, speech...

El llenguatge és el llenguatge.

Language is language.

La llenguatge és una frase invencible.

Language is an invincible phrase.

Mai, sí, sí.

Never, yes, yes.

Llavors...

Then...

Això és com el Rajoy.

This is like Rajoy.

Un plat és un plat.

A dish is a dish.

L'alcalde l'eligen els veïns.

The mayor is elected by the residents.

Va dir alguna mentida?

Did he/she tell any lies?

ETA és una gran nació.

ETA is a great nation.

Mentre...

While...

Sobretot aquesta última.

Above all, this last one.

Sobretot la d'ETA és una gran nació.

Above all, ETA is a great nation.

No va dir cap mentida.

He did not tell any lies.

No va dir mai cap mentida.

He never told a lie.

És que jo crec que és un tio que està...

I think he is a guy who is...

Dos catalanes hacen cosas.

Two Catalans do things.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

És mentida?

Is it a lie?

No, no.

No, no.

Em sembla que ja vam parlar en un programa

I think we already spoke on a program.

de la increïble crònica del Mundial del Rajoy.

of the incredible Chronicle of Rajoy's World Cup.

Alemanya és Alemanya.

Germany is Germany.

I Espanya és Espanya.

And Spain is Spain.

Com anava la cosa?

How was it going?

I Japón ja se sabe, pero te puede sorprender y...

In Japan, it is already known, but it can surprise you and...

Y era muy bien Mariano Rajoy allá...

And Mariano Rajoy was very well there...

Rajoy, eh?

Rajoy, huh?

No, i a més al tio...

No, and besides the guy...

Tu ho vas veure...

You saw it...

És que em sembla que ja n'hem parlat d'això en aquest programa.

I think we have already talked about this in this program.

Però bueno, que el tio deia que eren notes d'àudio.

But well, the guy said they were audio notes.

Qué jefe que era.

What a boss he was.

Tu no ho sabies, això?

You didn't know this, did you?

Qué jefe que era.

What a boss he was.

Quan al tio li van dir...

When the uncle was told...

És que escribe que parece que esté hablando.

It’s like writing as if you were talking.

I diu, no, no.

And he/she says, no, no.

És que...

It's just that...

Alemanya és Alemanya.

Germany is Germany.

Diu, és que jo li envio una nota d'àudio al periodista del periòdico.

He says, I send a voice note to the journalist of the newspaper.

Però, a més, al periodista.

But, moreover, to the journalist.

Hem tinsat GPT.

We have tinted GPT.

No, no n'hi havia encara, no n'hi havia.

No, there wasn't any yet, there wasn't any.

Estàvem allà.

We were there.

No, encara no n'hi havia.

No, there weren't any yet.

I amb problemes d'addicció, el pobre senyor.

And with addiction problems, the poor gentleman.

El Rajoy.

The Rajoy.

El Rajoy?

The Rajoy?

Sí, a veure.

Yes, let's see.

No anem sobrats d'addicció aquí, eh?

We're not exactly overflowing with addiction here, are we?

No.

No.

No, però jo no soc pacient.

No, but I am not patient.

D'addicció sí que anem sobrats.

We are certainly not lacking in addiction.

Tampoc anem sobrats d'addicció.

We are also not lacking in addiction.

Home, a mi el que m'agafa...

Man, what grabs me...

Bueno, a veure...

Well, let's see...

Va, dona'ns un Winston.

Come on, give us a Winston.

Ara, ara, ara.

Now, now, now.

Tres pius als cims, xavals.

Three pius at the peaks, boys.

Un moment, un moment.

One moment, one moment.

Anem a passar a la secció.

Let's move on to the section.

Als cims, per moure.

At the peaks, to move.

Abans jo era un tio normal.

Before, I was a normal guy.

Bueno, no he sigut mai normal.

Well, I've never been normal.

Abans era...

Before it was...

Que vol dir això?

What does that mean?

Mirava judo.

I was watching judo.

No m'enteixis, Jordi.

Don't misunderstand me, Jordi.

Què collons has de ser tu?

What the hell do you have to be?

Mirava judo escoltant oi.

I was watching judo while listening to oi.

Escoltant oi.

Listening, right?

Però t'estàs referint a fa dues setmanes?

But are you referring to two weeks ago?

No, no.

No, no.

Ah.

Ah.

Fa...

It has...

A la meva vida, sencera.

In my whole life.

A temps pretèrits.

In past times.

Un moment.

One moment.

I ara...

And now...

Me'n vaig a dormir a les cinc de la nit.

I'm going to bed at five in the morning.

A les cinc de la nit.

At five in the morning.

A la matinada o de la...

At dawn or in the...

Fer una mudança als cims.

Make a move to the peaks.

Com, com, com?

How, how, how?

Als cims, al joc del mòbil.

At the peaks, in the mobile game.

Espera, espera, espera.

Wait, wait, wait.

Acompanya'm en aquest viatge, conductor del programa.

Accompany me on this journey, host of the show.

Dóna'm la mà i acompanya'm en aquest viatge.

Take my hand and accompany me on this journey.

Poseu-vos el casco, poseu-vos el casco.

Put on your helmet, put on your helmet.

Estem parlant d'aquella una persona que ha passat...

We are talking about that one person who has gone through...

Sí, Jordi, has deixat...

Yes, Jordi, you have left...

Una casa de tres pisos, tio.

A three-story house, dude.

Has deixat de dormir, mentre bevies cervesa, al quartet de la rentadora.

You stopped sleeping while drinking beer in the laundry room.

Escoltant oi i mirant judo.

Listening to music and watching judo.

I fumant-te 50 pitis al minut.

I smoking 50 cigarettes a minute.

I amb la dona, m'ha anat al costat, dient, hòstia, una casa de tres pisos.

And with the woman, she went next to me, saying, wow, a three-story house.

Això et dediques ara, Jordi?

Is this what you do now, Jordi?

Sí.

Yes.

És que estic acabat.

I'm finished.

Podem fer una votació com a bons demòcrates que som per expulsar el Jordi del nostre programa?

Can we hold a vote, as the good democrats we are, to expel Jordi from our program?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Espera't, perquè el Montanyarrussa està allà.

Wait, because Montanyarrussa is over there.

O sigui, això és el moment ball.

So, this is the dance moment.

Ara ve la pujada.

Now the climb is coming.

Sí.

Yes.

Llavors tu te'n vas a les cinc perquè estàs allà, a tope, pel tercer pis?

So you leave at five because you’re there, fully engaged, on the third floor?

T'has posat moqueta ja, a la casa?

Have you put carpet in the house yet?

No, me l'han donat directament.

No, they have given it to me directly.

No van a esperar, les cinco menos ni beber.

They are not going to wait, five to nothing to drink.

Ah, t'han donat ja.

Ah, they've already given you.

No van a esperar, les cinco menos ni beber.

They are not going to wait, it's five to and they won't drink.

Amb tres pisos.

With three floors.

M'heu escoltat, no?

You have heard me, right?

De com et quedes, eh?

How do you feel about it, huh?

Que m'han regalat una casa al Sims.

They gave me a house in The Sims.

Però tres pisos, tio.

But three floors, dude.

I l'hauria de haver vist aquest matí, com ha vingut, pobret meu.

And I should have seen him this morning, how he came, my poor thing.

Jo estic segur que el Durant...

I am sure that Durant...

M'ha patat el jefe.

My boss has messed up.

Jo estic segur que el Durant era més com jo del SimCity, tio.

I am sure that Durant was more like me in SimCity, dude.

Hòstia, el SimCity, quina meravella.

Wow, SimCity, what a marvel.

És que, a més, a tots els que hem sigut comunistes

It's that, moreover, to all of us who have been communists

o derivats,

or derivatives,

com ens agrada ser diocito...

how we like to be little gods...

Pujar impostos.

Raise taxes.

Com ens agrada ser diocito

How we like to be little gods.

i vinga, ara, impost municipal

and come on, now, municipal tax

de basures. Más, más, que con esto construiré

from garbage. More, more, for with this I will build

una residencia de lujo.

a luxury residence.

Y con esto tengo paracañerías nuevas en el barrio

And with this, I have new plumbing in the neighborhood.

que va a conectar con la isla de no sé qué pollas.

that will connect to the island of I don't know what the hell.

Jo simpatitzar sempre amb el comunisme,

I have always sympathized with communism,

que jo sempre m'he ensenyat un...

that I have always taught myself a...

rotllo absolut. Depèn de com els juguis, home.

absolute nonsense. It depends on how you play them, man.

Són de diocito. A veure,

They are from diocito. Let's see,

quina és la idea del comunisme?

What is the idea of communism?

Hi ha uns senyors que són més llestos que la resta

There are some gentlemen who are smarter than the rest.

per algun motiu. Algú pot considerar que és un motiu

for some reason. Someone may consider it a reason

a dir incorrecte o justificable.

to say incorrect or justifiable.

Altres potser no ens ho posarem, no?

Others perhaps we won't put it on, right?

Aquí... I diuen, bueno,

Here... And they say, well,

les coses han de ser així.

Things have to be this way.

I llavors posen el SimCity

And then they put on SimCity.

i pim-pam, pim-pam...

and ping-pong, ping-pong...

A veure, de Mario Esmà,

Let's see, from Mario Esmà,

tu no saps el Sims

You don't know The Sims.

el que és i el SimCity?

What is SimCity?

No en tinc cap idea.

I have no idea.

És que realment et vas criar entre lleons.

It's just that you really grew up among lions.

És que el problema de tot això...

Is that the problem with all this...

Jo he nascut fa...

I was born...

El 2004? El 2005?

2004? 2005?

2004-2005.

2004-2005.

Ell cada dia neix un any més tard i jo cada dia neix més avanç.

He is born a year later every day and I am born earlier every day.

Això computa actualment una edat de...?

This currently counts as an age of...?

Ell té com 7 anys i jo en tinc 94.

He is about 7 years old and I am 94.

Anem així.

Let's go like this.

Sí.

Yes.

Ell cada dia és més jove i jo cada dia soc més vell.

He is getting younger every day, and I am getting older every day.

De fet, tu em compares a ell i a mi

In fact, you compare him to me.

i sembro el seu avi.

And I sow his grandfather.

Hi ha una diferència de color una mica important,

There is a slightly important difference in color.

saps? Però...

You know? But...

És la menys important.

It is the least important.

Però bueno, si la que et vas follar era molt morena,

But well, if the one you slept with was very dark-skinned,

molt morena, potser...

very dark, perhaps...

No?

No?

Home, no. Aquí estem parlant de...

No, we are talking about...

De molta morena.

Of much brunette.

Aquí és pur estirpe.

Here is pure lineage.

Sí, Jordi...

Yes, Jordi...

Deixeu-ho parlar a l'home.

Let the man speak.

25.

25.

25 o 25.

25 or 25.

Hòstia, 25.

Whoa, 25.

25, 25.

25, 25.

Per... per... per oblidar-ho.

To... to... to forget it.

No, per oblidar-ho, no.

No, to forget it, no.

Bueno, ara ja per la posteritat.

Well, now for posterity.

25.

25.

Ja, ara... avui hauríem de pagar-ho i...

Yes, now... today we should pay it and...

Ja demà és altre dia, no?

Tomorrow is another day, isn’t it?

Demà és l'últim dia.

Tomorrow is the last day.

Però jo no espero per demà.

But I am not waiting for tomorrow.

El faré avui o si no...

I'll do it today or else...

O si no ja...

Or if not already...

O si no, fotre'm una carta.

Or if not, send me a letter.

A veure, a veure...

Let's see, let's see...

Podem contar l'història, com va passar?

Can we tell the story, as it happened?

Claro, si us plau.

Of course, please.

És el que volem.

It is what we want.

No, no.

No, no.

Sí, els ullents, amb el dubte.

Yes, the listeners, with the doubt.

T'ajudo, t'ajudo, Durant.

I help you, I help you, Durant.

Explica, explica.

Explain, explain.

T'ajudo, Bob, Bob, Bob.

I'll help you, Bob, Bob, Bob.

Jo no soc Bob, jo no soc Bob.

I am not Bob, I am not Bob.

El Durant és el Durant.

The Durant is the Durant.

Un plato és un plato.

A plate is a plate.

I ets una gran nació.

And you are a great nation.

Baixàvem rutinàriament, com fem sempre,

We were coming down routinely, as we always do,

del punt més elevat d'aquesta nostra tan estimada ciutat

from the highest point of this our beloved city

que està combatida en un...

that is fought in a...

Bueno, no enganyeu els ullents.

Well, don't deceive the listeners.

El punt més elevat està a l'altra banda.

The highest point is on the other side.

Eh?

Huh?

Que el punt més elevat d'aquesta, la nostra ciutat,

That the highest point of this, our city,

està a l'altra banda.

it's on the other side.

Allò és Sant Cuganya.

That is Sant Cuganya.

Dins de la ciutat, la muntanya de Montjuïc,

Within the city, the mountain of Montjuïc,

està a dins de la ciutat.

It is inside the city.

Està allà amb el costum de beure aigua.

He is there with the habit of drinking water.

No sé per què m'he posat en formalista.

I don't know why I got involved in formalism.

Sí, collons, home, Montjuïc, què collons.

Yes, damn it, man, Montjuïc, what the hell.

Allò del tibidabo és de quatre pijos.

What happens at Tibidabo is for a bunch of posh people.

La meva àvia se va tirar tota la via

My grandmother threw herself the whole way.

dient que Borrassar era el campanar més alt de l'Empordà

saying that Borrassar was the tallest bell tower in the Empordà

i era mentida, però...

and it was a lie, but...

Borrassar era el campanar més alt de l'Empordà.

Borrassar was the tallest bell tower in the Empordà.

Igual que tu et van batejar a la catedral.

Just as you were baptized in the cathedral.

Igual que a mi m'ho van... exacte.

Just like they did to me... exactly.

O sigui, aquí, aquí...

I mean, here, here...

La vida, què és, si no dialèctica en si mateixa?

Life, what is it, if not dialectic in itself?

Parlem un poc, per exemple.

Let's talk a little, for example.

Si el senyor deia aquell espanyolot,

If the gentleman said that Spaniard,

la vida és un sueño...

life is a dream...

Y los sueños sueños son.

And dreams are but dreams.

Procedésim, procedésim.

We shall proceed, we shall proceed.

Calderón of the ship.

Calderón of the ship.

Correcte.

Correct.

Finíssim.

Very fine.

Procedésim, procedésim la història.

We shall proceed, we shall proceed with the story.

Doncs llavors, com sempre...

Well then, as always...

Com sempre, aviam, aigua.

As always, let's see, water.

Estamos deshidratados del trabajo.

We are dehydrated from work.

Una botella d'aigua o...

A bottle of water or...

Sol de cabras.

Goat's sun.

Un aquarius, un dia especial...

An Aquarius, a special day...

Una cabra.

A goat.

Una garrafa, una garrafa.

A jug, a jug.

I un dia vam dir... bueno...

And one day we said... well...

Avui està parlador, el Jordi, eh?

Today, Jordi is talkative, huh?

Una cervesa.

A beer.

I ara continua la història ahir.

And now the story continues from yesterday.

És la més trista perquè...

It is the saddest because...

Hòstia puta.

Holy shit.

Es nota que estàs de figaire, últimament, com parla, macho.

It's noticeable that you've been acting cocky lately, the way you speak, man.

Està figaire.

It's messy.

No m'escuta nadie.

No one listens to me.

Fins que arribem...

Until we arrive...

Baixem la muntanya.

We go down the mountain.

La muntanya és la nostra llei.

The mountain is our law.

Sí.

Yes.

I un cop arribem a la ciutat, que és el teu barri...

And once we arrive in the city, what is your neighborhood...

El barri del...

The neighborhood of...

Allà ja anem cuidant.

There we are already taking care.

Oi, oi, puto blanco!

Hey, hey, fucking white!

Podem llançar tothom?

Can we throw everyone?

Però s'ha de dir...

But it must be said...

Per què m'ho he deixat sol?

Why did I leave it alone?

No, segueix, segueix.

No, go on, go on.

Perquè ets un borratxo, calla!

Because you are a drunk, shut up!

Que ets un borratxo, que et callis!

You're a drunkard, shut up!

Mira si saps explicar aquest moro per la història.

See if you can explain this Moor in history.

No, com sempre, baixem de treballar junts, llavors...

No, as always, we stop working together, then...

Caminant fins al barri.

Walking to the neighborhood.

Fins al downtown.

Until downtown.

Downtown.

Downtown.

Dry.

Eixut.

Dry town.

Dry town.

Ah, dry, perquè estem secs.

Ah, dry, because we are dry.

Ah!

Ah!

Ara, ara!

Now, now!

Bravo, bravo!

Bravo, bravo!

Un salve, faixó!

A salute, fawn!

Estem secquíssims i baixem.

We are very dry and we are going down.

Va ser amb el dry town per...

It was with the dry town for...

El dry town, m'encanta el concepte, eh?

The dry town, I love the concept, huh?

Per fer una mica el refresh.

To refresh a bit.

El refresh.

The refresh.

Ens refresquem i llavors ens rellegem del jefe.

We cool off and then we reread from the boss.

Clar, com sempre.

Of course, as always.

El fill de...

The son of...

Bueno...

Well...

El que ve a ser ser un bon ciutadà de la península ibèrica.

What it means to be a good citizen of the Iberian Peninsula.

És treballar, refrescar-se i cagar-se en el jefe.

It's working, cooling off, and shitting on the boss.

I un bon jefe que ha imposat...

And a good boss who has imposed...

La dictadura més brutal.

The most brutal dictatorship.

La dèi seca que...

The dry god that...

Chicago 1918.

Chicago 1918.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Llavors...

So...

Llavors, què vam fer?

So, what did we do?

Vam prendre...

We took...

Per Dam Lemon.

For Dam Lemon.

Dam Lemon, eh?

Damn Lemon, huh?

Es diu Dam Lemon, sí?

It's called Dam Lemon, right?

Dam Lemon.

Dam Lemon.

Porta 3%, 3%.

It carries 3%, 3%.

És ridícul.

It's ridiculous.

Si tot això ve de multes, ja et dic jo que el problema és aquest.

If all this comes from fines, I can tell you that the problem is this.

I et vam multar per fotre't una Dam Lemon.

We fined you for getting a Dam Lemon.

Sí, sí, sí.

Yes, yes, yes.

No m'ho puc creure, eh?

I can't believe it, huh?

Per un Dam Lemon.

For a Dam Lemon.

Una furgoneta, a més, eh?

A van, moreover, huh?

Una fragoneta.

A small strawberry.

Una fregoneta.

A broom.

Dani, Dani, Dani!

Dani, Dani, Dani!

Uns monipes.

Some monipes.

Amb la fragoneta.

With the van.

Uns monipes, no?

Some moles, right?

Sí, home, que...

Yes, man, that...

És que no falla.

It just doesn’t miss.

Aquí quina colla de...

Here, what a bunch of...

De covards lamentables.

Of lamentable cowards.

Això em sembla que...

This seems to me that...

Podríem donar-hi una altra oportunitat, però no...

We could give it another chance, but no...

Senyor director de la ràdio, quan soni això, li posa allà...

Mr. Radio Director, when this plays, put it there...

I ja està.

And that's it.

Capítim, capítim.

Chapter, chapter.

I així seguim rebent els grans soldazos que ens paguen, saps?

And so we keep receiving the big paychecks they pay us, you know?

Bé, això ens apareix a la plaça of the little birds.

Well, this appears to us in the square of the little birds.

Hòstia, jo durant no estic...

Holy shit, I'm not during...

Jo no estic tan...

I am not that...

És que et diu així, a la plaça.

It's just that they call you that, in the square.

Of the little birds, sí, sí.

Of the little birds, yes, yes.

Of the little birds.

Of the little birds.

Dels ocells petits?

Of the small birds?

Sí, per cert, on és la meva, aquí?

Yes, by the way, where is mine, here?

La plaça dels ocells petits, es diu així?

Is the square called the square of little birds?

Ocellets.

Little birds.

Ah, a la plaça dels ocellets, d'acord, d'acord.

Ah, to the little birds' square, okay, okay.

Sí, bé, aquí...

Yes, well, here...

Ocells petits, sí.

Small birds, yes.

I van vindre...

They came...

Eren tres dones, no?

There were three women, right?

Tres dones i un home.

Three women and one man.

Bé, no està mal.

Well, it's not bad.

No està mal, eren bonics.

Not bad, they were nice.

Estava correcte?

Was it correct?

Tot correcte, tot correcte.

All good, all good.

Abans de la multa, tot correcte.

Before the fine, everything was fine.

Abans de la multa, tot correcte, de fet ja...

Before the fine, everything was fine, in fact already...

Jo pensava que era una amonestació...

I thought it was a warning...

La que em vaig gestionar a mi va pejada.

The one I managed for myself went wrong.

Tu t'has fixat que ja no porto el vape?

Have you noticed that I'm not using the vape anymore?

Amb un vape rosa.

With a pink vape.

Tu t'has fixat que ja no porto el vape?

Have you noticed that I no longer carry the vape?

Jo em vaig posar una mica de...

I put on a little bit of...

Perquè jo crec, jo crec que...

Because I believe, I believe that...

Me vaig posar una mica policial.

I got a little police-like.

Jo crec que allò dels filtres per fumar...

I think that thing about cigarette filters...

Passi.

Pass.

Desentona una mica.

It looks a bit out of place.

Fa poc d'un fumador com Déu mana, un Winston ja de primera, però vale.

Not long ago, a smoker like God intended, a first-rate Winston, but alright.

Però ja allò del vape, jo he arribat a la conclusió que aquí...

But as for the vaping, I have come to the conclusion that here...

Si no es pot fumar, no es pot fumar.

If you can't smoke, you can't smoke.

I si es fuma, es fuma.

And if it smokes, it smokes.

Però maricona de les justes.

But a real faggot of the fairs.

Seguim, proseguim.

Let's continue, let's proceed.

El vape és pitjor, no?

Vaping is worse, isn't it?

A veure...

Let's see...

A nivell estètic és pitjor.

Aesthetic-wise, it is worse.

A nivell estètic, ara, exacte.

Aesthetic level, now, exactly.

Sort que tenim en Durán aquí...

We have Durán here...

A part, si l'ús ho fa una mica, com Déu mana.

Apart from that, if the use makes it a bit, as God commands.

Per favor, o sigui, no, no...

Please, I mean, no, no...

A nivell ontològic...

On an ontological level...

No, no, a nivell de salut us puc passar uns informes tremendos de l'UBOCES, però collons.

No, no, on a health level I can send you some terrible reports from UBOCES, but damn.

Tu, que quan t'imagines...

You, when you imagine...

A nivell ontològic, la diferència entre el Rita...

On an ontological level, the difference between Rita...

Tu imagina't el John Wayne amb un vape, loco.

Just imagine John Wayne with a vape, crazy.

Cognoscientment no quadra.

Cognitively it doesn't add up.

Imagina't el John Wayne amb un puto vape.

Imagine John Wayne with a damn vape.

O el Ronald Reagan allà, amb el tio aquell del rifle, l'Associació Nacional del Rifle...

Or Ronald Reagan over there, with that guy with the rifle, the National Rifle Association...

El Winston Churchill vapejant.

Winston Churchill vaping.

Amb un vape, exacte.

With a vape, exactly.

El Winston Churchill vapejant.

Winston Churchill vaping.

No, que els nazis, els nazis, vau, vau, vau.

No, because the Nazis, the Nazis, you, you, you.

I prenent-se una Coca-Cola cero, eh, cabrón.

And having a Coca-Cola zero, huh, bastard.

I no cal, no imagino a cap dels quatre d'aquí...

And there's no need, I can't imagine any of the four from here...

Amb un puto vape, loco.

With a fucking vape, dude.

Doncs n'hi ha un que...

Well, there is one that...

Que no l'has vist.

That you haven't seen it.

Però no, no m'ho vull imaginar.

But no, I don't want to imagine it.

N'he provat un vape, però...

I've tried a vape, but...

N'hi ha un que ha pecat molt, aquí.

There is one who has sinned a lot, here.

L'hi he vist bé amb un Winston i no...

I have seen it well with a Winston and no...

Tu ets molt més de xixa que de vape.

You are much more into smoking than vaping.

Sí.

Yes.

Ah, però no, no, no, però la xixa és un altre rotllo, eh?

Ah, but no, no, no, but the thing is a different story, huh?

Jo soc molt, però xixa, el que passa és que aquí la xixa s'estila en un tipus de...

I am very, but girl, what happens is that here the girl is in style in a type of...

Jo no soc gaire de xixa.

I'm not much into girls.

No, però...

No, but...

Jo soc de fumar porros com un fill de puta.

I am into smoking joints like a son of a bitch.

No, però és que aquí la xixa s'estila en un tipus de llocs que ja només pel tipus de presència que tens al voltant no crida.

No, but the thing is that here the vibe is more suited to a certain type of place that, just by the type of presence you have around you, doesn't stand out.

Tu has de veure aquest en un garito de xixes.

You have to see this in a ladies' bar.

Però si tu te'n vas al Marroc, a un lloc que són com bars normals i corrents,

But if you go to Morocco, to a place that is like normal bars,

i tenen uns tios allà donant voltes amb el covell,

And there are some guys there walking around with the bucket.

que et van canviant el d'allò, i vinga, i vinga, i vinga...

that they keep changing it from that, and come on, and come on, and come on...

I vinga, i vinga...

And come on, and come on...

I vinga...

And come on...

I què arriba a la trinca?

And what arrives at the grip?

Si el tema és drogar-se, del que sigui.

If the topic is getting high, whatever it may be.

Sí, però la veritat és que és una droga molt tranquil·la, molt agradable, a mi em fa molt...

Yes, but the truth is that it's a very calming drug, very pleasant, it makes me feel a lot...

Sí, a mi m'agrada, el mi amor.

Yes, I like it, my love.

Mi amor?

My love?

Mi amor, si n'hi ha un gust que el diu mi amor o el love.

My love, if there is a taste that says my love or love.

Ah, sí?

Oh, really?

Mira, què és?

Look, what is it?

Del...

From...

De prostitució.

Of prostitution.

De fracassosada, de fracassosada.

Of failure, of failure.

Estàs ficant, estàs ficant!

You are putting it in, you are putting it in!

Estem parlant de xixa.

We're talking about xixa.

Que delicioso.

How delicious.

No sé si és el mi amor o...

I don't know if it's my love or...

Aquí sempre...

Here always...

Espera, espera, espera, espera.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

El Jordi acaba d'obrir un meló molt gordo.

Jordi has just opened a very big melon.

A veure.

Let's see.

Que és una cosa que jo vaig descobrir fa, diguem-ne, un temps indeterminat per no...

What is something that I discovered some, let's say, indefinite time ago to not...

Ai, la veritat.

Oh, the truth.

Per no ferir sensibilitats.

To avoid hurting sensitivities.

Que estava parlant amb una persona indeterminada i em parlava del seu ex i em diu...

That I was talking to an unspecified person and they were telling me about their ex and they said to me...

Well terminated.

Well terminated.

I em diu, no, bueno, pues vam parlar de totes les coses, no sé què, no sé quantos, diu...

He tells me, no, well, so we talked about all the things, I don't know what, I don't know how much, he says...

Diu...

He says...

I dic...

I say...

I diu...

And says...

I nada, i al final me dijo que quería hacer el amor.

And nothing, and in the end, he told me that he wanted to make love.

I jo...

And me...

Què?

What?

I dic, i te lo dijo así?

I say, and did he tell you like that?

I diu...

And he says...

Pero usted también...

But you too...

Espera, espera, espera, espera, espera.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Home, així de saque.

Home, just like that.

No, no, tu imagina't que són una parella que ha trencat.

No, no, just imagine that they are a couple that has broken up.

Llavors, diguem-ne...

Then, let's say...

No, però...

No, but...

Diguem-ne que tenen una trobada on recapitulen i posen tot allà.

Let's say they have a meeting where they recap and put everything there.

És menys greu que en monada.

It is less serious than in monada.

No, però llavors el tema és...

No, but then the issue is...

Però no es follar, no?

But it's not about fucking, right?

Calla, tu, llons, home, ja, borratxo.

Shut up, you, fool, man, already, drunk.

Borratxo, que callis, borratxo.

Drunk, shut up, drunk.

Llavors, clar, em diu...

Then, of course, he/she tells me...

No, i diu, imagina't...

No, and he says, imagine...

I dic, i després de tota...

I say, and after all...

Imagina't...

Imagine...

I després de tota...

And after all...

I després de tota la moguda que heu tingut, encara volia follar.

And after all the commotion you had, I still wanted to have sex.

I dic, i què t'ho va dir així?

I say, and who told you that?

I qui l'ha fet l'amor?

And who made love with him/her?

I em diu...

My name is...

No.

No.

M'hi ha dit, fer-ho un delicioso.

He told me, to make it delicious.

I jo, perdona?

And me, excuse me?

Primera vegada a la vida que escolto del delicioso.

First time in my life that I hear about the delicious.

I què passa al cap de 48 hores?

And what happens after 48 hours?

Però bueno, diguem-ne que com l'altra persona era d'unes latituds

But well, let's say that since the other person was from certain latitudes.

en les quals aquest tipus de frases fetes, per dir-los d'alguna manera,

in which this type of idiomatic expressions, so to speak,

no les coneixia...

I didn't know them...

Eren dos quotidià.

They were two daily.

Podrien existir, però és que ja quan l'altre dia el Jordi agafa

They could exist, but it's just that the other day when Jordi takes...

i em diu que estava fent un delicioso, dic, espera, alto, stop.

And he tells me that he was making a delicious one, I say, wait, high, stop.

Me voy a poner en serio.

I'm going to get serious.

Què collons?

What the hell?

Tu vas allà a la teva senyora i li dius que hi vols fer un delicioso?

You go there to your lady and tell her that you want to make a delicious one?

M'has fet un delicioso?

Did you make me a delicious one?

Vinga, Jaume, a dormir!

Come on, Jaume, it's time to sleep!

Visca Pujol!

Long live Pujol!

Aquí estem quatre persones.

Here we are four people.

Bueno, a mitges.

Well, halfway.

A mitges.

Halfway.

Bueno, tres i mitja.

Well, three and a half.

Això que som quatre a mitges, que som persones a mitges...

This thing that we are half four, that we are half people...

A mitges no en fem aquí.

We don't do things halfway here.

Nosaltres anem d'un en un.

We go one by one.

Jo tinc una filla de vuit anys.

I have an eight-year-old daughter.

La coneixen, els nostres mitges.

They know us, our stockings.

La coneixen, la coneixen.

They know her, they know her.

Hem rebut molt bones crítiques a Trustpilot.

We have received very good reviews on Trustpilot.

Però, estic convençut que jo soc més vell que vosaltres.

But, I am convinced that I am older than you.

I vosaltres heu fet més deliciosos que jo.

And you have made more delicious than me.

Jo no he fet un delicioso en ma vida.

I have never made a delicious one in my life.

A mi no em fotis... Com deia aquell?

Don't mess with me... What was that guy's name?

És una forma de parlar, també.

It's a way of speaking, too.

Saps allò del sudà?

Do you know that about sweating?

És diferent.

It is different.

Hi ha alguns sud-americans que diuen coger...

There are some South Americans who say to grab...

Tu sí que has fet deliciosos.

You have indeed made delicious ones.

Ja veus, ell sí que ha fet deliciosos.

You see, he has indeed made delicious ones.

Jo soc una mica internacional, m'agrada anar...

I am a bit international, I like to go...

T'agrada fer deliciosos?

Do you like to make delicious things?

Deliciosos a tot arreu.

Delicious everywhere.

A tu vas deliciosos i delicios.

To you, they go delicious and delicious.

Deliciosos a diferents països.

Delicious in different countries.

I haragats reint.

I wish you well.

A tu, lo que haga falta.

For you, whatever it takes.

A ver, que tots hem fet...

Let's see, we've all done...

Això és com el...

This is like the...

Nosaltres tenim Bob Comunista, que per cert és protagonista d'aquest programa.

We have Bob Communist, who is, by the way, the main character of this program.

Som tots més vells que un bosc.

We are all older than a forest.

I ara farem veure que ningú és més jo, no?

And now we will make it clear that no one is more me, right?

No, no, però aquí hi ha una cosa.

No, no, but there is one thing here.

Hi ha l'acte...

There is the act...

O sigui, com deien...

That is to say, as they said...

El continente y el contenido.

The continent and the content.

Ara estem parlant.

Now we are talking.

El continente y el contenido.

The continent and the content.

El contenido l'hem fet tots.

We all made the content.

Però a mi el continente, don delicioso, no em dóna la gana.

But to me the continent, oh delicious one, does not appeal.

I després, Bob Comunista...

And then, Bob Communist...

Ara que he dit lo de Sweet,

Now that I've mentioned Sweet,

a mi em fa gràcia perquè un dia, amb l'Arnau,

I find it funny because one day, with Arnau,

a veure...

let's see...

Amb un...

With a...

El que va anar a viure a Alaska, no?

The one who went to live in Alaska, right?

El que va anar a viure a Alaska, correcte.

The one who went to live in Alaska, correct.

El nostre col·lega que està allà...

Our colleague who is over there...

Calla que més, quasi.

Be quiet, almost more.

I cobra la renda bàsica aquella d'Alaska, de dretes.

It collects the basic income from Alaska, which is right-wing.

Saps?

You know?

Bueno...

Well...

Com es deia? Sarah Palin.

What was her name? Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin.

Sarah Palin.

Amb l'escopeta.

With the shotgun.

A mi els que he posat la catxondo,

To me, those I've made fun of,

a qualsevol gran germàricà, saps?

to any big Germanic, you know?

Home...

Home...

Bueno, qüestió.

Well, question.

Doncs bé, ara ja direm...

Well then, now we'll say...

Bueno, qui sigui.

Well, whoever it is.

I agafa...

And takes...

No, perquè aquest home també té un sou públic o semipúblic,

No, because this man also has a public or semi-public salary,

i llavors aquesta gent ha d'estar protegida.

And then these people must be protected.

Doncs, parlant d'això, de fer l'amor i tal,

Well, speaking of that, about making love and so on,

en aquella època, lo del delicioso...

At that time, the delicious...

Vull dir, ni...

I mean, neither...

Ni...

Neither...

No ho puc llegir a fer.

I can't read it to do it.

Espera.

Wait.

Delicioso.

Delicious.

Tots els sud-americans que coneixíem

All the South Americans that we knew.

tenien 13 anys igual que nosaltres.

they were 13 years old just like us.

Però jo crec que no ho deien abans.

But I think they didn't say that before.

Que només era de jugar al futbol.

That it was just about playing football.

No, no, i el millor de tot.

No, no, and the best of all.

Llavors el tio, no sé què parlàvem de fer l'amor,

Then the guy, I don't know what we were talking about making love,

em diu...

he/she tells me...

Però fer l'amor què és això?

But what is making love?

En plan mirant-se els ulls i oh my darling?

In a way, looking into each other's eyes and oh my darling?

Aquesta va ser la descripció de...

This was the description of...

Quan em va preguntar...

When she asked me...

Es posen un pla, eh?

They make a plan, huh?

A què et refereixes a fer l'amor?

What do you mean by making love?

Que és això de mirar-se els ulls i oh my darling?

What is this about looking into each other's eyes and oh my darling?

I jo...

And I...

Doncs sí.

Well, yes.

Jo crec que el convidat d'avui alguna vegada a la vida

I believe that today's guest has at some point in life

ha dit oh my darling.

he said oh my darling.

Jo crec que el convidat d'avui, el molt cabron,

I think that today's guest, the very bastard,

a totes els hi diu oh my darling.

he calls them all oh my darling.

El convidat d'avui és un fucker.

Today's guest is a fucker.

I un romàntic.

And a romantic.

I un senyor.

And a gentleman.

O sigui...

That is to say...

I a totes els hi diu oh my darling

And he tells everyone oh my darling.

i no és mentida en aquell moment.

And it is not a lie at that moment.

Potser ho serà al cap de deu minuts.

Maybe it will be in ten minutes.

No, no, en el moment sempre és veritat.

No, no, in the moment it is always true.

I a més és que sé que el Durant també és oh my darling

And also I know that Durant is oh my darling too.

i jo també ho soc una mica.

And I am a bit of that too.

El Durant...

The Durant...

Però clar, aquest home ve d'unes latituds

But of course, this man comes from some latitudes.

on això ve de genètica, saps?

This is genetic, you know?

I aquí tenim genètica de convergent.

And here we have convergent genetics.

Aquí tenim genètica de convergent.

Here we have convergent genetics.

Persones avorrides que follen amb la llum apagada

Boring people who have sex with the lights off.

i amb el jesucito de fondo penjant.

and with the little Jesus hanging in the background.

No...

No...

A mi em falta un jesucito.

I am missing a little Jesus.

Tinc una bandera de col·lició

I have a collision flag.

però m'hauria de posar un retrat de Jordi Pujol.

but I would need to put up a portrait of Jordi Pujol.

El que et falta és un retrat de Jordi Pujol?

What you need is a portrait of Jordi Pujol?

Tu saps que...

You know that...

Firmat per Montserrat de Mesa.

Signed by Montserrat de Mesa.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Firmat per Montserrat de Mesa.

Signed by Montserrat de Mesa.

Tu saps que jo vaig estar a Glòries

You know that I was at Glòries.

amb un joven landès

with a young Dutchman

amb el retrat de Pujol jo enmarcat.

with the portrait of Pujol framed.

O sigui, era d'un edifici oficial

That is to say, it was from an official building.

que havia acabat allà

that had finished there

i jo el tenia a les mans signat.

And I had it signed in my hands.

O sigui, signat d'impressió

That is, signed in print.

però signat pel president.

but signed by the president.

Fa menys il·lusió també, t'ho diré.

It's also less exciting, I'll tell you that.

Per 20 euros.

For 20 euros.

I clar, és que quan tractes amb jovenalesos d'aquests

And of course, it's just that when you deal with these young people...

és que et poses en planta en ranc

it's that you put yourself in a rancorous stance

que podria tenir ara mateix

that I could have right now

president al llit

president in bed

un polvasso allà amb el president

a big one there with the president

i no tinc...

and I don't have...

Mira, ara no vull entrar en el rotllo aquest.

Look, I don't want to get into this right now.

No vull entrar en el rotllo aquest.

I don't want to get into this whole thing.

De tenir el president?

To have the president?

No, el de jovenlandèsos i aquestes coses.

No, the younglanders and those things.

No!

No!

És una cosa que tens tu al cap

It's something you have in your head.

de no sé què

of I don't know what

perquè mires coses d'un lloc molt concret d'internet

why do you look at things from a very specific place on the internet

que està al fons de la dreta sempre

that is always at the bottom right

igual que els lavabos als bars

just like the restrooms in bars

i llavors acabes adoptant un tipus d'humor

and then you end up adopting a type of humor

amb el qual no combreu.

with which you do not compromise.

Jo no estic parlant del jovenlandès

I am not talking about the young Dutchman.

estic parlant del Jordi Pujol.

I am talking about Jordi Pujol.

És simplement

It is simply

no entro a valorar aquesta part.

I will not assess this part.

Te l'hagués vengut l'avi Ramon

I would have sold it to you, grandpa Ramon.

l'hi hauries comprat per 50.

You would have bought it for 50.

I tu també durant...

And you too during...

60.

60.

Veus?

Do you see?

És que al final et pots posar estupendo

It's just that in the end you can end up being great.

amb coses que no et pots posar estupendo.

with things you can't wear, fantastic.

Però la meva estupenditat és molt barata.

But my stupendousness is very cheap.

Podríem estar follant amb un quadro del Jordi Pujol

We could be having sex with a painting of Jordi Pujol.

a sobre del capsal del llit.

above the headboard of the bed.

Què més pots voler a la vida, no?

What more could you want in life, right?

És com un somni.

It's like a dream.

Doncs aquest és el problema

Well, this is the problem.

que en aquell moment no n'era conscient

that at that moment I was not aware of it

de quan jo volia això a la meva vida

since when I wanted this in my life

i per ranci no tinc en Pujol allà.

And for rancid, I don't have Pujol there.

En quin moment internet

At what point internet

es va apropiar de les nostres vides?

Did he/she take over our lives?

Fa molts anys, durant.

Many years ago, during.

2003, no? Aproximadament.

2003, right? Approximately.

No fa molt, no?

Not long ago, right?

De 8.

Of 8.

Ui, però si tu ja ets quasi

Oh, but you're already almost there.

com li diuen això, natiu digital, no?

They call you that, digital native, right?

Què va?

What's up?

De 2005.

From 2005.

Què va, que el Sinvergüenza

No way, that the Scoundrel.

té la meva edat, quasi.

He is about my age.

Ah, vale.

Oh, okay.

El que passa que ell fa veure

What happens is that he pretends.

que jo vaig néixer l'any 39

that I was born in the year 39

i que ell va néixer el 2006.

and that he was born in 2006.

És que aquesta gent tenen una genètica

It's just that these people have a genetics.

que es conserva...

that is preserved...

Ens portem dos anys.

We are two years apart.

Que es conserven molt joves.

They remain very young.

I bueno...

And well...

És un Sinvergüenza.

He is a shameless person.

La mateixa frase que diu

The same phrase that says.

Black don't crack.

Black doesn't crack.

O sigui, això és bàsicament

So, this is basically

el que fas por ahí, no?

What are you doing around there, right?

Quan vas a fer

When are you going to do it?

Oh My Darlings.

Oh, my darlings.

Bueno, bueno, hombre, hombre.

Well, well, man, man.

Literalment, literalment.

Literally, literally.

Però no, aquí no s'expliquen

But no, they are not explained here.

coses personals.

personal things.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Sóc passat de 30, ja.

I'm over 30 already.

Aquí mai s'han explicat

Here, it has never been explained.

coses personals, eh?

personal things, right?

Ja, toquem els 30.

Yes, we are hitting 30.

Jo també,

Me too,

però sóc passat de 30.

but I am over 30.

Per boquet.

For good measure.

Vale, el dia que tu deixes

Okay, the day you leave.

tallar este net...

cut this clean...

Vostè està a prop

You are close.

ja era 40...

it was already 40...

50, ja.

50, yes.

Vostè està a prop de la mort,

You are close to death.

senyor Moura.

Mr. Moura.

Jo sóc de tocadiscos.

I am from turntables.

Tocadiscos...

Turntable...

Galàxies!

Galaxies!

Ara, el dia que se fa

Now, the day that is made

lletrenetes, el Moura...

little letters, the Moura...

Uh...

Uh...

Escolteu, avui...

Listen, today...

Amb una peluca...

With a wig...

La veritat és que portava

The truth is that I was carrying.

una quantitat de material,

a quantity of material,

i de cop el Durant

And suddenly the Durant.

ha portat un guió

he has brought a script

tan bon preparat

so well prepared

que no he pogut fer res.

that I haven't been able to do anything.

Home, que jo tinc allà

Home, that I have there.

els tres guionistes

the three screenwriters

esclavitzats, que...

enslaved, that...

I ara que tenies vacances,

And now that you had a vacation,

m'hauries fet allà un...

you would have made me a...

Un...

A...

Però aviam,

But let's see,

expliqueu-li a l'audiència

explain to the audience

perquè són els nostres

because they are ours

amics i confidents.

friends and confidants.

Què li hem d'explicar?

What do we need to explain to him/her?

El programa d'avui

Today's program

s'ha gestionat en dues hores

it has been managed in two hours

abans de començar.

before we start.

A Galàxies fa senyals,

To Galaxies it makes signs,

no sé si vol dir que

I don't know if it means that

vull anar a fumar,

I want to go smoking.

vull anar a pixar o què.

I want to go pee or what.

Jo també m'estic pixant,

I'm also peeing.

podríem fer un...

we could do a...

Un break?

A break?

És la primera vegada

It's the first time.

que aparem per anar a pixar

we are going out to take a piss

i no per anar a fumar,

and not to go smoke,

i aprofitem mentre fumem

and we take advantage while we smoke

per anar a pixar.

to go to pee.

Home, a veure,

Okay, let's see,

això està...

this is...

Però heu vist

But have you seen

que la parada...

that the stop...

Mira, mira...

Look, look...

És que...

It's just that...

És, home, vés a pixar,

Come on, go take a piss.

home, no...

man, no...

Jo no dic que fem aquest

I am not saying that we do this.

programa amb imatge

program with image

perquè no interessa,

because it's not interesting,

però uns talls de quan

but some cuts from when

el Jordi fa aquest tipus

Jordi does this type.

de coses, saps?

About things, you know?

Però com si fos un...

But as if it were a...

Però és el primer cop, eh?

But it's the first time, right?

Com si fos un ancià,

As if he were an old man,

un ancià donant saltets

an elderly man hopping

i dient...

and saying...

Ha aixecat-se les mans,

He has raised his hands,

ha aixecat la mà...

he has raised his hand...

Sí, sí, ha aixecat la mà,

Yes, yes, he/she has raised his/her hand.

ha demanat permís...

has requested permission...

Senyoreta,

Miss,

fuga't al lavabo!

escape to the bathroom!

Ha començat a demanar permís

He has started to ask for permission.

i ha fugit.

He/She has fled.

Bueno, jo ja m'estic pixant

Well, I'm already peeing myself.

i ha de passar,

it has to happen,

ens fumem tres pitis

we smoke three joints

així d'una.

just like that.

Fuma-te tres pitis

Smoke three joints.

i apreta l'interludio.

And tighten the interlude.

Fumeu un per mi també,

Smoke one for me too,

perquè jo...

because I...

Vols posar alguna cançó

Do you want to play a song?

que vulguis?

What do you want?

Sí, ja la puc...

Yes, I can...

Digue'm el nom,

Tell me the name,

que la posem...

let's put it...

Puc follar, has dit?

Can I fuck, you said?

Fuma, fuma, fuma.

Smoke, smoke, smoke.

Fumeu per mi,

Smoke for me,

estic dient.

I am saying.

Què posem?

What do we put?

Quin tipus de música voleu?

What type of music do you want?

El que vulguis,

Whatever you want,

el que tu...

what you...

Estàs al mando.

You are in charge.

Estàs al mando, nen.

You're in charge, kid.

Tot el que no sigui funana

Everything that is not funana.

hem de sabre.

we have to know.

No, funana no.

No, funana no.

Digues,

Tell me,

el que vulguis.

Whatever you want.

Dispara.

Shoot.

Ara, ara.

Now, now.

Home!

Man!

Vale,

Okay,

fiquem paus...

let's take breaks...

Ah, espera, espera, espera,

Ah, wait, wait, wait,

que he descobert

that I have discovered

que aquesta cançó mítica

that this iconic song

de Black Sabbath...

from Black Sabbath...

Home, evidentment.

Home, obviously.

Està relacionada

It is related.

per Megadeth, també.

for Megadeth, too.

He descobert

I have discovered

l'original,

the original,

que la posem ja,

let's put it on now,

i...

i...

Però és aquesta?

But is this it?

A veure...

Let's see...

Ui, jo no sabia

Oh, I didn't know.

que hi havia una anterior

that there was a previous one

a Black Sabbath.

a Black Sabbath.

És boníssima,

It's really good.

és més bona.

she is better.

O què?

Or what?

Roxy Kudelic dels 70?

Roxy Kudelic from the 70s?

No, és puc, tio.

No, I can’t, man.

Black Sabbath!

Black Sabbath!

I és anterior?

And is it earlier?

És anterior, és anterior.

It is earlier, it is earlier.

Anterior?

Previous?

És anterior, t'ho prometo.

It's earlier, I promise you.

Espera't un moment, eh?

Wait a moment, okay?

És anterior, és anterior.

It is earlier, it is earlier.

Envia'm-la a mi.

Send it to me.

Espera,

Wait,

que així l'envio jo amb ell.

So I will send it to him myself.

Seven seconds, vale.

Seven seconds, okay.

Seven seconds or less.

Set segons o menys.

Seven seconds...

Set segons...

La tàctica del bàsquet

The tactics of basketball

i la maristó de Maier.

and the Maristó of Maier.

Seven seconds or less.

Set segons o menys.

Que era el Mike Danton

Who was Mike Danton?

i l'entrenador,

and the coach,

em sembla que era com...

I think it was like...

Set segons o menys?

Seven seconds or less?

I vinga, i tot...

And come on, and all...

Pa, pa, pa!

Dad, dad, dad!

El Xixi Creus i el...

The Xixi Creus and the...

El Xixi Creus li ha fet

Xixi Creus has done it for him.

una jugada

a play

amb menys de set segons

with less than seven seconds

en la seva carrera

in his/her career

i mira que es va retirar

And look how he/she withdrew.

amb 42 anys.

at 42 years old.

I el David Gaslón...

And David Gaslón...

Durant,

During,

si no la coneixes,

if you don't know her,

fliparàs.

You will freak out.

Em va saltar al YouTube

It popped up on YouTube for me.

l'algoritme que és més llest

the algorithm that is the smartest

que la fam.

that the hunger.

Home, diguis, claró!

Sure, of course!

Doncs no la coneixes,

Well, you don't know her.

la cançó.

the song.

No, la cançó no.

No, not the song.

És tremenda.

It's tremendous.

Jo deia, ui, aquesta cançó

I said, oh, this song.

és megamítica, no sé de qui és.

It's megamythical, I don't know whose it is.

Vols dir que és anterior, això?

Do you mean that it is earlier, this?

Comprova-ho.

Check it.

Mira a veure de quin any

Look to see what year it is.

és de Black Sabbath.

It's by Black Sabbath.

No, no, no, és de Black Sabbath.

No, no, no, it's by Black Sabbath.

Jordiquis, eh?

Jordiquis, huh?

Jordiquis.

Jordiquis.

A veure...

Let's see...

Jordiquis!

Jordiquis!

Jordix!

Jordix!

Eh, comprova...

Eh, check...

Ho podeu comprovar?

Can you confirm it?

No, no, no, la Black Sabbath

No, no, no, the Black Sabbath.

és anterior, t'ho dic jo, ara.

It is earlier, I'm telling you, now.

Segur?

Sure?

Home, el 79, Black Sabbath!

Home, the 79, Black Sabbath!

Ja tenien els collons negres.

They already had black balls.

Ja estaven a l'incens.

They were already in the incense.

Home, sí, no?

Home, yes, no?

Doncs tallem la veu i l'escoltem.

Then let's turn off the voice and listen to it.

Sí!

Yes!

Bona nit.

Good night.

Molt bé, molt bé, nois.

Very good, very good, guys.

Ja tornem a ser a casa, ja som a casa.

We're back home, we're home.

Ja som a casa.

We are home.

Estimats oients i oientes.

Dear listeners.

I oientis.

And hearing.

Bueno, què ens ha deixat?

Well, what has it left us?

Benvinguts, benvingudes, totes.

Welcome, everyone.

I totis.

And all.

I totis i tothom.

And everyone.

M'encanta.

I love it.

És la viva essència del projecte pujolista que toma.

It is the living essence of the Pujolist project that is being taken.

Evidentment.

Obviously.

George Puyol és el putamu.

George Puyol is the worst.

Tu vas néixer aquí o...?

Did you born here or...?

No, no he nascut aquí.

No, I was not born here.

S'ho ha pensat massa, vull dir...

He has thought about it too much, I mean...

No, no, he nascut a la selva, a Àfrica,

No, no, I was born in the jungle, in Africa.

i, bueno, em vaig arribar quan vaig tindre 13 anys.

Yes, well, I arrived when I was 13 years old.

13? O sigui, fins als 13 allà.

13? So, until 13 there.

Fins als 13 allà, sí.

Until 1 there, yes.

Però eres de poble o de ciutat?

But are you from the countryside or the city?

Ciutat, ciutat.

City, city.

De ciutat.

From the city.

Sempre sigo en ciutat, sí.

I always follow in the city, yes.

De la capital de les pobles.

From the capital of the towns.

Que t'agrada un cas oplon, que flipes.

You really like an oplon case, it's amazing.

De la capital?

From the capital?

De la capital, sí.

From the capital, yes.

Sí? Ah, bueno, llavors ets...

Yes? Ah, well, then you are...

T'agrada un cas oplon, que flipes.

You like a crazy case, that's unbelievable.

Ets mig de la selva.

You are half of the jungle.

No, és ciutat, ciutat.

No, it's city, city.

És ciutat, ciutat.

It's city, city.

És ciutat, ciutat, sí.

It is a city, a city, yes.

Vaja, té un cas oplon, que flipes.

Wow, he has an amazing case, it's mind-blowing.

No, no, a veure, si a més no hi ha res com tenir pasta de veritat en un lloc d'aquests.

No, no, let's see, if nothing beats having real money in a place like this.

El millor que hauria sentit d'ell és dir-li a gent innocenteta, molt progressista i molt d'esquerres,

The best I would have heard from him is telling innocent, very progressive, and very leftist people,

ell dient que ell esmorzava pel matí i li llençava als lleons les restes i la gent s'ho creia.

He said that he had breakfast in the morning and threw the leftovers to the lions, and people believed it.

És que...

It's just that...

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Perquè he tingut unes conversacions, me'n recordo...

Because I've had some conversations, I remember...

És que tu deus estar...

You must be...

Em van dir, bueno, vull anar al teu país perquè vull veure lleons.

They told me, well, I want to go to your country because I want to see lions.

Deus estar...

You must be...

Deus estar una mica fins a la polla de la condescendència, no?, de...

You must be a bit fed up with the condescension, right? Of...

Sí, molt.

Yes, a lot.

Tu te'n recordes, senyor Roger, d'un dia nosaltres després de sortir del MOOC, de Mañaneo, a la plaça...

Do you remember, Mr. Roger, one day after we left the MOOC, from Mañaneo, at the square...

Te'n deixo no recordar gaire, aquestes coses.

I won't let you remember much of these things.

No, doncs, te'n recordes un brasilany que va acabar de Mañaneo a casa nostra?

No, do you remember a Brazilian who ended up at Mañaneo at our place?

M'ha vol sonat.

He/She must have wanted to sound me.

Que et va caure molt bé, per això jo crec que...

You liked him/her a lot, that's why I think that...

Tu te'n recordes del nom.

Do you remember the name?

Un així gordet, que hi havia una procre de Girona, que li deia...

A chubby one, that there was a procre from Girona, who said to him...

Ai, és que quina llàstima que em fas, perquè estàs discriminat.

Oh, what a pity you make me feel, because you are being discriminated against.

I el tio li deia...

And the guy would say to him...

En català, a més.

In Catalan, also.

Deixa'm en pau.

Leave me alone.

Doncs deixa'm en pau, jo estic perfectament, a mi no m'esté discriminant ningú,

Well, leave me alone, I'm perfectly fine, no one is discriminating against me.

jo estic aquí estupendament, ets tu la que t'estàs fent aquí un ninot de palla,

I am here wonderfully, you are the one making yourself a straw man here.

i la tia vinga allà a condescendència del tio, però si sóc un tio normal i corrent com tu,

and the aunt comes there with her condescension, but I'm just an ordinary guy like you,

que estic aquí de festa, fotent-me unes birres, fotent-me unes ratlles,

that I am here partying, having some beers, doing some lines,

però què m'estàs explicant aquí de...

but what are you telling me here about...

Victimisme mai.

Victimhood never.

No, però és que el problema és que és victimisme envers d'un altre,

No, but the problem is that it is victimization towards another.

o sigui, tu t'estàs fent víctima a algú que no ho està...

So, you are making yourself a victim to someone who is not...

I hi ha alguna cosa més racista que aquesta?

Is there anything more racist than this?

Cap, cap ni una.

None, not a single one.

Cap, cap.

None, none.

Ui, pobreta.

Oh, poor thing.

És que ja, oi, pobreta, aquest és de Brasil, l'altre que és negret, no sé què...

It's just that, you know, poor thing, this one is from Brazil, the other one who is black, I don't know what...

Bueno, és que de fet aquesta noia...

Well, the thing is this girl...

Escolta'm, tu ets de Llinals del Vallès.

Listen to me, you are from Llinals del Vallès.

No, no, aquesta noia...

No, no, this girl...

Ets de Llinals del Vallès.

You are from Llinals del Vallès.

Jo estava en un...

I was in a...

Jo seria resistent contra te, va.

I would be resistant against you, come on.

Jo estava en un bareto, en un bareto, que m'havia quedat en un bareto fent les meves coses,

I was in a dive, in a dive, that I had stayed in a dive doing my things,

i me'n recordo que em vas fer un traje a la promena aquesta que quan vaig arribar,

And I remember that you made me a suit for this promenade that when I arrived,

al principi no volia parlar amb mi perquè em diu

at first, he didn't want to talk to me because he tells me

Ah, tu ets el massip aquell, el neoliberal.

Ah, you are that massip, the neoliberal.

Diu, i al principi no volia parlar amb mi, i jo, a veure noia,

She says, at first she didn't want to talk to me, and I, well, girl,

jo per sort, com que he basculat per tots els bàndols, ja me les sé totes,

I, luckily, since I have swung to all sides, already know them all.

li dic, a veure noia, anem a parlar les coses tranquil·lament,

I tell her, let's see girl, let's talk about things calmly,

tu i jo ens anem allà en aquella terrasseta, ens fem una cervesa,

you and I will go there to that little terrace, we’ll have a beer,

compro un parell de Winstons per la conversa,

I buy a couple of Winstons for the conversation.

eh, i a poc a poc li veus com li anava canviant la cara de

eh, and little by little you could see how his face was changing from

hòstia, estic parlant amb el dimoni i no m'estic sentint malament.

Holy shit, I'm talking to the devil and I'm not feeling bad.

Per dir, l'argument aquest de tu primer te construeixes l'opinió...

To say, this argument of yours that you first construct the opinion...

Està passant això?

Is this happening?

Està passant això.

This is happening.

Cago en la verge.

I shit on the virgin.

Puc fer el soroll perquè quedi gravat?

Can I make the noise so that it gets recorded?

Sí.

Yes.

Això és com la ràdio antiga, no?

This is like the old radio, right?

Bé, bueno, el Barça, no? El Barça.

Well, good, Barça, right? Barça.

És que quina meravella.

It's just what a wonder.

És una meravella.

It is a marvel.

Una cigarreteta no fa mal a ningú.

A little cigarette does no harm to anyone.

Sí, i tant que no.

Yes, and more than anything else, no.

No sé què anava a dir, perdó.

I don't know what I was going to say, sorry.

Tu has vist alguna vegada com fan els FX dels videojocs?

Have you ever seen how they make the FX for video games?

Que és que, bueno, ara potser la tecnologia ha avançat molt,

What is it that, well, maybe technology has advanced a lot now,

però fins fa 10 anys, literalment...

but until 10 years ago, literally...

Home, si tens 94 anys.

Man, if you are 94 years old.

Tu has vist com fan els FX dels videojocs?

Have you seen how they make the FX for video games?

Saps que fa no tants anys encara, o sigui, els de Croc, els de Mortal Kombat...

You know that not so many years ago, I mean, the ones from Croc, the ones from Mortal Kombat...

Sí, que són cocos i...

Yes, they are coconuts and...

Són cocos i...

They are coconuts and...

Ara ja suposo que estàs al tot...

Now I suppose you are all caught up...

No, això es fa...

No, this is done...

El Joc de Trons, per exemple, el so del drac...

Game of Thrones, for example, the sound of the dragon...

Et pots apuntar al micro?

Can you sign up for the mic?

Perdó.

Sorry.

Jo, com que crido molt, me l'enfoco fora.

I, since I yell a lot, point it outside.

El so del drac...

The sound of the dragon...

No, si estàs correctament lluny, el que passa és que estàs...

No, if you are far enough away, what happens is that you are...

Per ser molt a la jaqueta que portes avui.

For being very in the jacket you are wearing today.

Li vaig robar a mon pare, què et sembla?

I stole it from my father, what do you think?

No, si ja sabia jo que la tenia de comprar-te a les rovies.

No, I already knew I had to buy it for you at the rovies.

No, no, li vaig robar a mon pare.

No, no, I stole it from my father.

Estava superguapa, teta, i aquesta aquí, superde...

She was super gorgeous, babe, and this one here, super...

Bacilón de los 80, yonqui.

Bacillus of the 80s, junkie.

El so del drac, per exemple, està fet agafant un...

The sound of the dragon, for example, is made by taking a...

No sé, un cavall fent no sé què.

I don't know, a horse doing I don't know what.

Un drac fent no sé quantos.

A dragon doing I don't know how many.

Un boig cridant.

A madman shouting.

I al final, els sons es fan així.

And in the end, the sounds are made like this.

No pots crear un so del no-ret, tampoc.

You can't create a sound from nothing, either.

No, però a aquestes altures de la pel·lícula ja tenim carpetes de carpetes de carpetes

No, but at this point in the movie, we already have folders of folders of folders.

de samples, de samples, de samples...

of samples, of samples, of samples...

Però jo suposo que quan tu et ve...

But I suppose that when you see yourself...

Per cert...

By the way...

Quan et ve HBO i et diu

When HBO comes to you and says

ara farem una pel·lícula de dracs, històries...

now we will make a movie about dragons, stories...

Tu al drac, a nivell artístic...

You to the dragon, at an artistic level...

Per cert...

By the way...

Si tu...

If you...

Un moment que no he acabat.

One moment, I haven't finished.

Si tu ets la persona que has de dissenyar el so d'un drac,

If you are the person who has to design the sound of a dragon,

no tiraràs de llibreries gratuïtes que trobis per internet

you won't rely on free bookstores you find on the internet

sonidodragon.com

sonidodragon.com

No, pas, però escolta...

No, go ahead, but listen...

Llavors tu vas allà i t'ho curres.

Then you go there and work on it.

Per cert, et vaig passar de les mil coses que us passo al dia

By the way, I passed you a thousand things that I send you every day.

perquè estic addicte completament a internet.

because I am completely addicted to the internet.

Dani, Dani!

Dani, Dani!

Estic completament addicte a internet.

I am completely addicted to the internet.

Et vaig passar la IHF Música, però la IHF Música de veritat.

I passed you the IHF Music, but the real IHF Music.

Ara, jo li vaig posar

Now, I put it on him/her.

Fes-me una cançó...

Make me a song...

Primer li vaig posar

First I put it.

Fes-me una cançó de música màquina catalana.

Make me a Catalan electronic music song.

Tururut.

Tururut.

Home massiu.

Massive home.

Vale, llavors vaig dir

Okay, then I said.

Anem a apurar una mica més.

Let's push a little further.

Fes-me una música...

Make me a song...

Electrònica...

Electronics...

No, fer electrònica amb melodies èpiques...

No, making electronic music with epic melodies...

Ni puto caso.

Not a damn thing.

Ara,

Now,

les coses com són.

Things as they are.

Ara no fot ni puto caso, però en un any...

Now I don't give a damn, but in a year...

Parlem d'aquí a un any i mig.

Let's talk in a year and a half.

Això serà la puta polla con cebolla.

This will be the bloody awesome thing with onion.

O sigui, serà...

So, it will be...

Puta polla con cebolla.

Fucking dick with onion.

Ara què tenim?

Now what do we have?

Tots els dissenyadors...

All designers...

Que t'he gustat tot, eh?

So you liked everything, huh?

Ara tenim els dissenyadors gràfics en plan lobista,

Now we have the graphic designers acting as lobbyists,

que volen cremar totes les màquines.

they want to burn all the machines.

I són imbècils, perquè jo fot uns cartells

And they are idiots because I make some posters.

des que hi ha la IA.

since there is AI.

O sigui, abans havies d'agafar i tenir l'illustrator.

That is, before you had to get and have Illustrator.

Però aquest ha de ser la feina de l'illustrador, ara.

But this must be the illustrator's job now.

No, no, és que clar, el problema és que el que es queda enrere

No, no, it's just that the problem is that what is left behind.

el que es queda enrere, es queda enrere perquè vol.

What is left behind, is left behind because it wants to.

Per exemple, a dia d'avui, tu marginalment

For example, as of today, you marginally

pots ser infinitament més potent

you can be infinitely more powerful

que qualsevol altre si et dediques hasta el dia.

that anyone else if you dedicate yourself until the day.

Jo ara agafo i fot...

I'm going to take and...

Companys, us estic ensenyant un objecte.

Colleagues, I am showing you an object.

Un objecte que porta de nom propi Clipper.

An object that bears the proper name Clipper.

A mi em requereix fer...

I am required to do...

I això fa foc.

And this makes fire.

Correcte.

Correct.

A nivell tecnològic, això ho portem 50 anys enrere,

Technologically, this takes us back 50 years.

100 anys enrere, 500 anys enrere, 1.000 anys enrere?

100 years ago, 500 years ago, 1,000 years ago?

No, però si és molt fàcil.

No, but it is very easy.

Haurem de prohibir les pedres...

We will have to prohibit stones...

Durant, si és molt fàcil.

During, if it's very easy.

El que passa és que quan aquestes coses passen

What happens is that when these things happen

20-30 anys, passen la prova...

20-30 years old, they pass the test...

Però ara va tot molt ràpid.

But now everything is moving very fast.

No, però passen la prova de l'algodón.

No, but they pass the cotton test.

Tu imagina't, òbviament, quan els fanalers van...

Just imagine, obviously, when the streetlights go...

Quan va sortir la llum per gas,

When gas light came out,

perquè al principi anava per gas, els fanals,

because at first I was going for gas, the streetlights,

òbviament va haver-hi protestes dels fanalers

Obviously, there were protests from the lamplighters.

i van dir, no, no, és que ens treuen la feina

And they said, no, no, it's just that they're taking our jobs away.

i ara ens quedarem al palo.

And now we will be left hanging.

No, et quedes al palo i faràs una altra cosa

No, you stay on the sidelines and do something else.

que serà més profitosa per la societat

that will be more beneficial for society

que fer una cosa que pot fer una puta màquina.

why do something that a damn machine can do.

I ja està, així de fàcil, digues, company.

And that's it, just that easy, tell me, buddy.

Vaig fer un event en un hotel,

I hosted an event in a hotel.

em van regalar un sandre...

they gifted me a sandre...

Un encendedor...

A lighter...

Un sandre?

A catfish?

Un encenedor.

A lighter.

Que es sent amb el sol.

What is felt with the sun.

I tot va acabar amb un deliciós sol.

And it all ended with a delicious sun.

Sí, has de posar...

Yes, you have to put...

Has de posar la llum, llavors fas foc

You have to turn on the light, then you make a fire.

i poses el cigarro...

and you put the cigarette...

A mi això no em sembla gaire modern, eh?

I don’t find this very modern, you know?

Bueno, estalvies...

Well, savings...

Estic parlant de fa 10 anys, eh?

I'm talking about 10 years ago, okay?

Escolta'm, estalvies gas...

Listen to me, save gas...

A més, és renovable, és...

Furthermore, it is renewable, it is...

El carboni...

Carbon...

Sí.

Yes.

No, no, no...

No, no, no...

Escolta'm, nosaltres tenim un il·lustre convidat d'aquest programa,

Listen to me, we have an illustrious guest on this program,

senyor Alberto Amigo,

Mr. Alberto Amigo,

que sempre que ha sortit...

that whenever it has come out...

Pop Cocoteras.

Coconut Pops.

Que el tio, tu no has vist, t'ho prometo, eh?

That guy, you haven't seen it, I promise you, okay?

El tio sempre porta una lupa a sobre.

The guy always carries a magnifying glass with him.

No importa...

It doesn't matter...

El context.

The context.

No, no, a vegades porta una lupa com de foli,

No, no, sometimes he carries a magnifying glass like a sheet.

com si fos un paper, però de lupa.

as if it were a sheet, but of magnifying glass.

A vegades porta una lupa clàssica, no?,

Sometimes he carries a classic magnifying glass, doesn’t he?

la que s'agafa amb un mana aquí i tal.

the one that is grabbed with a hand here and such.

La del doctor Slum.

The one of Doctor Slum.

I tu no t'imagines el plaer que és ser aquest tio

And you can’t imagine the pleasure it is to be this guy.

quan arriba una època,

when a season arrives,

de l'any en què el sol està bé i tal?

from the year when the sun is fine and such?

Quan el sol està dalt.

When the sun is high.

Tu no saps el plaer que sent aquest tio...

You don't know the pleasure this guy feels...

Matant formigues.

Killing ants.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Que es posa a la cantonadeta que està sortint el sol

What is placed at the little corner where the sun is coming out

quan estem de mañaneo

when we are making plans

i s'encén el piti amb la lupa

and the cigarette is lit with the magnifying glass

i el veus que està orgàsmic, el fill de puta.

And you see him that he is orgasmic, the son of a bitch.

L'altre dia, he de reconèixer,

The other day, I have to admit,

vam pujar...

we went up...

Mira, vam fer una cosa l'altre dia durant...

Look, we did something the other day during...

No sé si ho sabeu,

I don't know if you know it,

Cantunis, que era el barri que hi havia de ionquis aquí a Barcelona,

Cantunis, which was the neighborhood where there were junkies here in Barcelona,

que és com Valdemingó, més de Madrid,

which is like Valdemingó, more of Madrid,

que està a la Zona Franca.

that is in the Free Zone.

La Zona Franca.

The Free Zone.

L'elogia a Madrid, això és el que has d'evitar.

The praise in Madrid, this is what you must avoid.

No, és perquè existeix encara més carrer.

No, it's because there is still more street.

Però com a ser bon patriota això ho has d'evitar.

But as a good patriot, you must avoid this.

Però potser jo...

But maybe I...

Doncs m'ho compares amb un barri de Bangladesh.

So you're comparing it to a neighborhood in Bangladesh.

A les estadístiques...

In the statistics...

Això que compares amb Madrid és d'Espanya.

What you compare with Madrid is from Spain.

A les estadístiques, a les estadístiques,

To the statistics, to the statistics,

hi ha gent que té menys de 30 anys,

there are people who are under 30 years old,

és a dir, no han conegut Cantunis com era.

That is to say, they have not known Canton as it was.

Doncs queda un trosset, que queden dos bars...

Well, there's a little piece left, with two bars remaining...

I per això tenim una secció que es diu

And that's why we have a section called

Com oblidar-ho?

How to forget it?

Durant... Com oblidar-ho?

During... How could I forget it?

Hi ha un trosset a Cantunis

There is a little piece in Cantonese.

que no ha sigut encara enderrocat...

that has not yet been demolished...

Ara li diuen Sant Adrià, només.

Now they only call it Sant Adrià.

...que són dos bars i un parell de tendes

...which are two bars and a couple of shops.

i un parell de fàbriques de làpides.

and a couple of slab factories.

No t'ho perdis, eh?

Don't miss it, okay?

Home...

Man...

Doncs feia molt de temps que ho sabia,

Well, I had known it for a long time,

que allò està...

that it is...

Bon negoci.

Good business.

Que allò...

That...

Vull dir, hi ha quatre telediaris

I mean, there are four news programs.

i l'altre dia vaig dir, anem-hi.

And the other day I said, let's go.

25!

25!

Anem-hi.

Let's go.

Doncs hi vam anar...

Well, we went there...

25!

25!

Vam arribar allà,

We arrived there,

vam fer una cervesa al bar,

we had a beer at the bar,

el meu company va fer una ratlla als lavabos,

my colleague made a line in the restrooms,

jo no em vaig voler en aquell moment,

I didn't want to at that moment,

i després ens vam pujar

and then we got up

per la part de darrere de Montjuïc,

for the back part of Montjuïc,

o sigui, jo veia el castell des de darrere...

that is to say, I saw the castle from behind...

Sí, vaig veure les fotografies.

Yes, I saw the photographs.

I vaig...

I'm going...

Saps on està el far?

Do you know where the lighthouse is?

Sí.

Yes.

Doncs el far...

Well, the lighthouse...

Mira, estava tan a gust allà, sol,

Look, I was so comfortable there, alone,

que sabia que no pujaria absolutament ningú,

that I knew absolutely no one would come up,

que li vaig dir, dame la lupa.

What I told him, give me the magnifying glass.

I em vaig encendre un piti amb la lupa

I lit a joint with the magnifying glass.

i vaig sentir el que és ser Alberto Amigo

I felt what it is to be Alberto Amigo.

fumant-se un piti i encenent-se-ne amb la lupa.

smoking a joint and lighting it with a magnifying glass.

Al gener, i em vaig treure la samarreta

In January, I took off my shirt.

i vaig prendre el sol.

I sunbathed.

Visca Barcelona, visca el Mediterrani...

Long live Barcelona, long live the Mediterranean...

I visca el canvi climàtic!

And long live climate change!

...i putos protestants,

...and fucking Protestants,

i visca el canvi climàtic, fins de puta,

And long live climate change, for fuck's sake.

que si no, no podríeu prendre el sol al gener.

because otherwise, you wouldn't be able to sunbathe in January.

De què us creixeu, malparit?

What are you bragging about, you bastard?

Però jo no vull prendre el sol al gener.

But I don't want to sunbathe in January.

Doncs jo sí que vull prendre el sol al gener.

Well, I do want to sunbathe in January.

Doncs jo vull tenir fresqueta, eh?

Well, I want to be cool, okay?

Si no, m'aniré a viure a l'equador.

If not, I will go live in Ecuador.

Doncs llavors te'n vas allà a Holanda...

So then you go over there to Holland...

No, que jo ja estava molt bé on estava.

No, because I was already very well where I was.

Protestants, fills de puta!

Protestants, sons of bitches!

No, protestants els holandesos,

No, the Dutch Protestants.

a mi no em vinguin a...

don't come to me to...

Però això, allà sí que tens fred.

But there, you really are cold.

Doncs els catòlics ja estaven bé com estaven.

Well, the Catholics were fine as they were.

Fa fred quan fa fred, fa calor quan fa calor.

It is cold when it is cold, it is hot when it is hot.

Hem de tornar a ser reis del món.

We must be kings of the world again.

Prendre el sol al gener, a l'hivern,

Sunbathing in January, in the winter,

és el millor que hi ha.

it's the best there is.

És el millor, mira el que li diu el company.

He is the best, look at what his colleague is saying to him.

Ho surt, eh?

It works out, right?

Perquè jo me'n recordo quan fa com 10-11 anys,

Because I remember when it was about 10-11 years ago,

estava en un poble...

I was in a village...

Tu què tenies, un any?

What were you, one year old?

No, més o menys.

No, more or less.

És veritat que tenim un company

It is true that we have a colleague.

recent fet a la majoria d'edat.

recently come of age.

Edat variable.

Variable age.

Sí, edat variable, sí.

Yes, variable age, yes.

En funció de l'Home by Darling,

Based on the Man by Darling,

en funció de l'Home by Darling és calibre, no?

"Depending on the Man by Darling is caliber, right?"

En funció de l'Home by Darling és calibre.

In function of the Man by Darling is caliber.

T'ha pentat jo la meva...

Have you combed my...

La setmana passada tenia 26 anys, per lo que fos.

Last week I was 26 years old, for whatever reason.

És veritat.

It's true.

Vaig tenir 26 perquè, clar...

I was 26 because, of course...

I el delicioso ve.

And the delicious one comes.

El delicioso?

The delicious?

El delicioso Milano.

The delicious Milan.

Andiamo Milano!

Let's go Milan!

Porca Itàlia.

Damn Italy.

Home, clar, li vaig dir a Nahid,

Sure, I told Nahid,

clar, tinc que facturar.

Sure, I have to check in.

A Nahid.

To Nahid.

Llavors, per facturar,

Then, to check in,

jo ara vaig a Milà,

I am now going to Milan.

tot l'any, quan vaig a Milà,

All year round, when I go to Milan,

ja tinc una casa pagada.

I already have a paid house.

I ja has de tornar d'aquí a poc.

And you have to return soon.

Eh?

Eh?

D'aquí a poc ja has de tornar.

Soon you will have to return.

Ja tornarà, sí, m'ha dit que tornarà.

He will return, yes, he told me he will return.

Ah, no, tornarà ella.

Ah, no, she will come back.

Torna ella, sí.

She returns, yes.

És veritat, és veritat.

It is true, it is true.

Però jo volia facturar perquè...

But I wanted to check in because...

Et deus fotre unes inflades de deliciosos?

You must be getting some delicious puffs?

Per què?

Why?

Perquè tens tota la cara, cabró.

Because you have the whole face, you bastard.

És que té una cara.

It's just that he/she has a face.

Tens una cara d'inxarta, deliciosos.

You have a twat face, delicious ones.

No, és que és negra, no.

No, it's just that she's black, no.

Als collons és que és negra, no, no, no.

What the hell, it's black, no, no, no.

Negra és la factura, la factura que deixes al teu pas.

Black is the bill, the bill you leave in your wake.

La cara que té, la...

The face that it has, the...

Jovencito simpático,

Nice young man,

la 20 pa' acá,

the 20 this way,

que lo bien que lo...

how well that...

No vamos a pasar.

We're not going to pass.

Director, pot pagar el YouTube Premium, per favor?

Director, can you pay for YouTube Premium, please?

És una vergonya no tenir...

It's a shame not to have...

Pot pagar el YouTube Premium?

Can you pay for YouTube Premium?

Des que ens va denunciar el Tribunal de la Gaia, tio,

Since the Tribunal of Gaia reported us, dude,

que tot són complicacions.

that it’s all complications.

Ens ha denunciat una de sants?

Has one of the saints reported us?

Però ara...

But now...

No, i és que...

No, it’s just that...

Pots barra lliure.

You can have a free bar.

És que el nostre programa és tan marginal

It's just that our program is so marginal.

que encara no ha arribat a un tio tan cregut

that still hasn't reached such a conceited guy

com el que porta aquella ràdio, saps?

like the one that carries that radio, you know?

Vull dir...

I mean...

Aquí no es va dir cap mentida.

No lies were told here.

Aquí no s'ha dit cap mentida.

No lie has been told here.

Aquí...

Here...

Que tamina una de sants ha passat.

What a pious lady has passed.

Servidors...

Servers...

Vam prendre aquest tamina a Ràdio Sants

We took this tamina at Ràdio Sants.

i insultem directament el seu director

we directly insult his director

des d'aquí a aquest nostre programa.

from here to our program.

I mai s'ha consumit aquest tamina

And this tamina has never been consumed.

a Ràdio Estafany 98.0 de la FM.

to Ràdio Estafany 98.0 FM.

Mai s'ha aconseguit cotamina.

Cotamina has never been achieved.

I sí que s'ha consumit a Ona Sants.

And it has indeed been consumed at Ona Sants.

Has dit cotamina?

Did you say cotamina?

És tan divertit?

Is it so fun?

La cotamina és molt més divertida.

The cotamine is much more fun.

Cotamina.

Cotamina.

Us vaig a posar una musiqueta

I'm going to play you some music.

que, com són cançons d'aquestes de punk

that, like these punk songs

que duren dos minuts...

that last two minutes...

Aquest programa està aconseguint

This program is achieving

que m'allunyi del bacallà

let me stay away from the cod

per acostar-me a...

to get closer to...

A la guitarreta.

To the little guitar.

No, no, i està sent un patriota

No, no, and he's being a patriot.

una altra vegada.

another time.

Un patriota, o sigui...

A patriot, that is to say...

Que això és el més important.

That this is the most important.

Això és el més important.

This is the most important.

Era per on va.

It was the way he/she/it went.

Ara, com que no hi ha el Jordi...

Now, since Jordi is not here...

El Jordi és més...

Jordi is more...

Per ell és més important el punk.

For him, punk is more important.

Per mi és més important Catalunya.

For me, Catalonia is more important.

Ara, quan acabi aquesta,

Now, when this is over,

comença l'altra.

the other one begins.

És el discurs en cel.

It is the speech in heaven.

Us deixo els micros, eh?

I'll leave you the mics, okay?

Que, per cert, no ho hem dit,

Which, by the way, we haven't mentioned.

però el Jordi s'ha pirat.

but Jordi has run away.

És veritat.

It is true.

S'ha pirat, sí.

It's been hacked, yes.

Galàxies!

Galaxies!

Però perquè és un pare responsable.

But because he is a responsible father.

Ara és un pare...

Now he's a father...

I s'ha anat a fer un deliciós.

He has gone to have a delicious meal.

Hem de dir als nostres oients

We have to tell our listeners

aquí sinceritats per sobre de tot.

Here, sincerities above all.

Mentre estem nosaltres tres...

While we are the three of us...

Oh, escolta, escolta, que t'ha...

Oh, listen, listen, that has happened to you...

Va bé.

It's fine.

Fota-li, fota-li, fota-li!

Hit it, hit it, hit it!

Fota-li!

Go for it!

Fota-li, fota-li, fota-li!

Give it to him/her, give it to him/her, give it to him/her!

Un deliciós...

A delicious...

Tremendo temazo, eh?

Tremendous track, huh?

Bueno...

Well...

Y ahora entrará el bolo.

And now the ball will come in.

Me la posa durísima.

She gets me really hard.

M'encanten els mutes aquests del punk rock, aquests.

I love these punk rock outfits, these.

I ara ve la bona, eh?

And now comes the good part, huh?

La tallo la nostra veu i la posem quan torni.

We cut our voice and put it back when it returns.

Vinga, va.

Come on, let's go.

Fens ara.

Do it now.

Dos por uno en Justy.

Two for one at Justy.

Mitad de precio y doble de sabor.

Half the price and double the flavor.

El millor de tot és que ho deixarem, ja.

The best of all is that we will just leave it.

Toma'm por saco.

Take me for granted.

No, no, i un més, i un més.

No, no, and one more, and one more.

Perquè, per favor, senyor director.

Because, please, Mr. Director.

A veure.

Let's see.

Ho paguem a mitges entre tots els programes.

We split the cost evenly among all the programs.

Per favor, l'Ajuntament.

Please, the Town Hall.

Collboni, suelta la pasta!

Collboni, release the dough!

20 cèntims tots els programes i paguem al YouTube el premio.

20 cents for all the programs and we pay YouTube the prize.

Es pot saltar, es pot saltar, ja.

You can jump, you can jump, now.

No, això ho hem fet de conya, home.

No, we did this as a joke, man.

Això ho hem fet de conya.

We did this as a joke.

Hem anat a buscar un anunci expressament.

We went to look for an advertisement specifically.

És com el...

It's like the...

It's...

It's...

17-17.

17-17.

Això també està...

This is also...

Aquí està tot teoritzat, home.

Here everything is theorized, man.

És tot mentida, home.

It's all a lie, man.

I ara ve.

And now he/she comes.

Seguim doncs a l'Ajuntament.

So let's continue to the City Hall.

media antes del quai sepant d'alguuna cosa alador.

Half before the platform knowing something alongside.

Sí taken a pal الج, home.

Yes, taken a pal, man.

Perfecte, I qué tal amb Tops?

Perfect, and how's it going with Tops?

Pa'l espanyol.

For the Spanish.

Seguim al revés.

We are going in reverse.

Bye.

Adéu.

Música

Music

Mira aquí, eh? Acadèmia pura aquesta gent, era aquí, ni una nota fora de temps.

Look here, huh? Pure academia these people, it was here, not a single note out of time.

Ells són l'acadèmia, tiro.

They are the academy, I shoot.

Ja, bueno, perquè jo sóc punk i de veritat, saps? A mi això em sembla punk i de postal.

Yeah, well, because I'm punk and for real, you know? To me, this seems punk and like a postcard.

Però era el primer disc, eh?

But it was the first album, right?

Bueno, el primer disc 72 anys després que s'inventés el punk i de veritat.

Well, the first album 72 years after punk was invented and for real.

Això està molt bé, és molt divertit.

This is very good, it's very fun.

Però això no és punk.

But this is not punk.

Jo estic molt a favor.

I am very much in favor.

Ets punk i me... Ets punk i canyero, vostè?

Are you punk and me... Are you punk and a buddy, sir?

Punk i canyero, és un concepte.

Punk and canyero, it's a concept.

Nosaltres a la vida som canyeros, així en general.

In life, we are generally canyoneers.

Avui a Twitter n'hi havia un que deia

Today on Twitter there was one that said

La majoria d'oportunitats a la vida les perdem...

Most opportunities in life we lose...

Deixem parlar d'aquest.

Let's stop talking about this.

No sé punk i canyeros.

I don't know punks and street gangs.

No, el tio deia un.

No, the guy said one.

Deia, la majoria d'oportunitats a la vida, o de trens, els deixem passar per falta de curiositat.

I said, we let most opportunities in life, or trains, pass us by due to a lack of curiosity.

I n'hi havia un que deia

There was one that said

La curiositat va matar el gat.

Curiosity killed the cat.

I jo li deia, per alguna cosa tenia set vides.

And I told him, for some reason he had seven lives.

No, torna, torna, repeteix, repeteix.

No, come back, come back, repeat, repeat.

Bé, n'hi havia un que deia

Well, there was one that said

Diu, la majoria de trens en aquesta vida passen per falta de curiositat.

He says that most trains in this life pass by due to a lack of curiosity.

I ha tingut que venir el conservadoret de torn a dir

And the curator had to come again to say.

La curiositat va matar el gat.

Curiosity killed the cat.

Ai, la panxeta.

Oh, the little belly.

I jo li he dit, per alguna cosa té set vides el gat.

And I told him, for some reason the cat has seven lives.

Fill de puta.

Son of a bitch.

Oi, oi.

Oh, oh.

L'has donat, l'has donat.

You have given it, you have given it.

On s'hauria de donar?

Where should it be given?

Doncs el Jordi s'ha marxat a fer el delicioso.

Well, Jordi has gone to do the delicious.

Nosaltres podem anar tancant el programa?

Can we start closing the program?

Hauríem.

We should.

A més perquè tu ara tens la història aquesta que hem d'anar a sopar i tot.

Moreover, because you now have this story that we have to go for dinner and everything.

Bueno, podem ens adonar-nos.

Well, we can notice.

Però en plan famosos, no?

But like famous people, right?

Sí, home, ara...

Yes, man, now...

Què teniu pensat per sopar vostè?

What do you have planned for dinner?

Aquí hi ha un...

Here is a...

L'entrem allà, que venim de la ràdio.

We’re coming from the radio, let us in there.

Amb tot de tia, és delicioso, delicioso.

With everything, aunt, it's delicious, delicious.

I al final, a Tiwan, pues són 15.50.

And in the end, in Tiwan, well it's 15.50.

Clar, el sopar pot ser delicioso també, eh?

Sure, dinner can be delicious too, right?

És que a més a més el sopar és més delicioso que qualsevol cosa.

It's just that besides, dinner is more delicious than anything else.

Jo pensava que estaves fent aquí un joc de paraules i...

I thought you were making a play on words here and...

El sopar pot ser el més delicioso?

Can dinner be the most delicious?

Es pot sopar un delicioso?

Can one have a delicious dinner?

I tant.

I do.

De fet, el Doran és molt més partidari de fer un sopar delicioso que sopar delicioso?

In fact, Doran is much more in favor of having a delicious dinner than having a delicious dinner?

Sí.

Yes.

Ara, el matís l'hauria d'interpretar una mica.

Now, the nuance should be interpreted a bit.

Hauríem d'agafar paper i bol i fer una anàlisi sintàctic de les paraules.

We should grab paper and pen and do a syntactic analysis of the words.

De quina és la diferència entre un sopar delicioso i un delicioso sopar?

What is the difference between a delicious dinner and a dinner delicious?

No, no, no, perquè no em facis el Joan Solà.

No, no, no, because don’t pull a Joan Solà on me.

No em facis el Joan Solà, que està mort, i el Vicenç Vives també.

Don't make me into Joan Solà, who is dead, and Vicenç Vives too.

I ben mort que està.

He is indeed dead.

I estan tots a la caixa, no sé si estan ben...

And they are all in the box, I don't know if they are okay...

I ben mort que està.

Well dead he is.

Es va guanyar el que es mereixia, ja està.

He got what he deserved, that's it.

I aquí el tenim.

And here we have it.

Com el Real Club Deportiu Espanyol, que es va guanyar el que té, no?

Like the RCD Espanyol, which earned what it has, right?

Jo tinc les coses...

I have the things...

Ha d'estar a segona.

It must be in second.

Saps com són?

Do you know what they are like?

Jo el Joan Solà aquest, bàsicament, el recordo, tu ja saps que jo,

I remember this Joan Solà, basically, you already know that I,

particularment amb la filologia catalana, no és que sigui,

particularly with Catalan philology, it's not that it is,

però és que jo me'n recordo que un dia estava per allà a la tele,

but I remember that one day I was over there on the TV,

i em sembla, no sé si era el programa del...

and it seems to me, I don't know if it was the program of...

Va morir a la...

He/She died at the...

El Graset?

The Chubby?

No, home, no, aquell gran que feia cròniques de viatges de Catalunya.

No, come on, that one who wrote travel chronicles of Catalonia.

L'Estapé?

The Stape?

No, el...

No, the...

El que caminava?

The one who was walking?

No, aquell alt prim, que tenia una filla amb síndrome de Down, que es deia Elena,

No, that tall skinny one, who had a daughter with Down syndrome, named Elena.

i té un llibre que...

and he/she has a book that...

Màrius Serra?

Màrius Serra?

No, home, no.

No, come on, no.

No, aquest era un nen.

No, this was a boy.

No, de fet, el Màrius Serra està...

No, in fact, Màrius Serra is...

Se li va morir un nen.

A child died on him.

El Màrius Serra està considerat el...

Màrius Serra is considered the...

O sigui, és...

That is, it is...

Ja sé què vols dir, el...

I know what you mean, the...

El Labordeta català, no?

The Catalan Labordeta, right?

El Labordeta català.

The Catalan Labordeta.

Ho vam parlar en aquest programa.

We talked about it in this program.

Sí, però...

Yes, but...

Que no me surt ara.

Don't come out now.

Sí, però a mi tampoc em surt ara.

Yes, but it's not working for me either now.

Per cert, el Màrius Serra està considerat com Pompeu Fabra, Vicenç Vives, Joan Solà,

By the way, Màrius Serra is considered like Pompeu Fabra, Vicenç Vives, Joan Solà,

i després està considerat Màrius Serra, que és veritat que el tio en sap, eh?

And then Màrius Serra is considered, which is true that the guy knows his stuff, right?

Sí, home.

Yes, man.

Però jo me'n recordo que el Joan Solà, o sigui, després vaig investigar qui és,

But I remember that Joan Solà, that is, later I researched who he is,

i justament es va morir al cap de quatre dies,

and he just died four days later,

que me'n recordo que va fer una carta de comiat...

I remember that he/she wrote a farewell letter...

Sí, el vas matar tu, podem parlar d'això.

Yes, you killed him, we can talk about that.

El vaig matar jo.

I killed him.

Em va fer una carta de comiat a l'avui, i em va fer molta gràcia perquè el tio diu...

He wrote me a farewell letter today, and I found it really funny because the guy says...

Diu...

He says...

Bueno, és que a mi la gent que fa aquest tipus de conyes em cau bé.

Well, it's just that I actually like people who make this kind of jokes.

El tio deia...

The uncle said...

Bueno, doncs clar, estàvem allà, tots els catedràtics, amèrics, no sé què,

Well, of course, we were there, all the professors, Americans, I don't know what,

discutint la diferència entre capsa o caixa.

discussing the difference between box or container.

I ell mateix...

And himself...

És molt fàcil, una gran i una petita.

It's very easy, a big one and a small one.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Si això...

If this...

No, però wake up, wake up.

No, but wake up, wake up.

Sí, filòlegs wake up.

Yes, linguists wake up.

Exacte, és que ell mateix...

Exactly, it's just him...

La caixa gran i la capsa petita, punt.

The big box and the small box, period.

No, és que aquí està el tema, i ell mateix en feia la conya.

No, that's the point, and he himself was making a joke about it.

És que mira fins on retorcem les coses que no tenim clar,

It's just that look at how far we twist things that we are not clear about,

entre tots els senyors filòlegs amèrics, aquesta història.

among all the American philologist gentlemen, this story.

Doncs els filòlegs amèrics, que wake up una mica,

Well, the American philologists, who wake up a bit,

facin el delicioso, i vagin als llocs d'allà que parlem de braques i coses curioses,

make the delicious, and go to the places there that we talk about braces and curious things,

una noia francesa que van treure de França,

a French girl who was taken out of France,

que eren els nostres il·lustres col·laboradors,

who were our illustrious collaborators,

i deixin de discutir entre la diferència entre caixa i capsa,

and stop arguing about the difference between "caixa" and "capsa,"

que és com diferir entre...

which is like differing between...

Una escala i un ascensor, no?

A staircase and an elevator, right?

És que els dos serveixen per pujar.

It's just that both are used for climbing.

Ja, però és que tots entenem la diferència entre escala i ascensor?

Yes, but do we all understand the difference between a staircase and an elevator?

Bueno...

Well...

Encara que tots serveixin per pujar?

Even if they all serve to go up?

Escolta, i després hi ha gent com l'Errejón, que és diputat,

Listen, and then there are people like Errejón, who is a deputy,

és a dir, que hi ha gent que el vota...

that is to say, there are people who vote for him...

I d'aquestes coses espanyoles, que tant t'agraden, és molt pesat amb Espanya.

And about these Spanish things that you like so much, it's very tiresome with Spain.

És que Catalunya borrés, tio!

It's that Catalunya is crazy, dude!

Espanya és divertida!

Spain is fun!

Sí, no com Espanya!

Yes, not like Spain!

Home!

Home!

Vas portar el migdia aquí parlant de l'Errejón, l'Errejón!

You spent the afternoon here talking about Errejón, Errejón!

Anda, que no t'ho estàs passant bé amb l'Avalos.

Come on, you're not having a good time with Avalos.

Mira, mira com riu!

Look, look how he/she laughs!

Els senyors oients ho havien d'estar veient.

The gentlemen listeners must have been watching it.

Man on tropo.

Man on tropo.

Esto es una cosa...

This is one thing...

Anda, que no sé per on pillar-lo, el cabrón.

Come on, I don't know where to catch him, the bastard.

Es divertente, man on tropo.

It's fun, man, don't worry.

Esta será una jornada muy divertida.

This will be a very fun day.

Es divertente, man on tropo.

It's fun, but it's too much.

És que és divertent.

It's just that it's funny.

És que, nen, Catalunya s'ha quedat...

It's just that, kid, Catalonia has been left...

Ells són un putero, bueno.

They are a bunch of tricksters, well.

Catalunya s'ha quedat...

Catalonia has been left...

A l'Avalos...

At the Avalos...

Mira, mira que et diré...

Look, look what I'm going to tell you...

És que Catalunya és lliure.

It is because Catalonia is free.

Home, això sempre.

Home, always this.

Això sempre.

Always this.

He vist que Jordi Pujol...

I have seen that Jordi Pujol...

Però és que a Catalunya no hi tenim gent.

But we don't have people in Catalonia.

Ni com el Joan Tardà, que no sap dir Escova en castellà, saps?

Not even Joan Tardà, who can't say Escova in Spanish, you know?

No hi ha ningú més espanyol que el Joan Tardà.

There is no one more Spanish than Joan Tardà.

Que és el problema que té la guerra republicana.

What is the problem with the Republican war?

És que vosaltres esteu...

It is that you are...

Sí, però després...

Yes, but afterwards...

Però, en canvi, per cert, al Turull li va donar un infart.

But, on the other hand, by the way, Turull had a heart attack.

És veritat, pobret meu.

It's true, my poor one.

Jo crec que està fins la bolla.

I think he's had enough.

Ja no pot més, diu, aprendre-ho.

He can no longer learn it, she says.

Home, és que va fer una vaga de fam de tres dies, o així.

Well, he went on a hunger strike for three days or so.

Tres dies i deu minuts.

Three days and ten minutes.

Escolta'm, que...

Listen to me, that...

Tu i jo hem fet vagues de fam més llargues, eh?

You and I have done longer hunger strikes, right?

Ah, per cert...

Ah, by the way...

Però, evidentment, ben amenitzades.

But, obviously, well entertained.

Que escoltarà el programa, aquesta amiga...

That friend will listen to the program...

Al Turull, escolta, el programa...

To Turull, listen, the program...

No, una amiga que ens ha caigut molt bé, que és de Vic.

No, a friend we really liked, who is from Vic.

I jo li deia, dic, és que totes les barrabassades millors

And I said to him, I say, it's just that all the nonsense is better.

les heu fet allà, i començant per la gàbia aquella

You made them there, starting with that cage.

que vam fer allà a la...

what we did there at the...

Ui, ui, la gàbia.

Oh, oh, the cage.

La gàbia, la gàbia.

The cage, the cage.

Allò que era Hospitalet.

What was Hospitalet.

Conteu-m'ho, conteu-m'ho.

Tell me about it, tell me about it.

No, en el moment àlgid del procés...

No, at the peak of the process...

Ah, vale, em pensava que em deies la gàbia de la discoteca.

Ah, okay, I thought you were talking about the nightclub's cage.

No, ui, no, no.

No, oh no, no.

Los indepes, los indepes.

The independents, the independents.

La gàbia de la discoteca, tenim un fotón, el Duran i jo...

The nightclub cage, we have a great photo, Duran and I...

Vaja fotón.

What a photon.

A una discoteca d'Hospitalet que punxava jo,

At a nightclub in Hospitalet where I was DJing,

que quan vaig acabar de punxar, vaig acabar de baixar al públic,

that when I finished playing, I went down to the audience,

com ha de ser un bon DJ,

what a good DJ should be like,

i ens vam tancar en una gàbia aquella, i tenim una foto,

and we locked ourselves in that cage, and we have a photo,

jo tirat al terra fumant, el Duran agafat a les barres,

me lying on the ground smoking, Duran holding onto the bars,

i em sembla que hi ha algú més por ahí donant voltes.

And I think there’s someone else out there lurking.

Algú més por ahí donant voltes, sempre hi ha.

Someone else out there wandering around, there always is.

Increïble.

Incredible.

Doncs xapem el programa?

So, are we shutting down the program?

I bona nit.

Good night.

Bueno, Bob Senegal.

Well, Bob Senegal.

No, segur, per ser el primer dia estic una mica...

No, for sure, since it's the first day I'm a little...

Ja s'ha fitxat, eh?

So, it's already been signed, huh?

Ja s'ha fitxat, diu, per ser el primer dia...

He has already been signed, he says, for it being the first day...

Home, benvingut sempre.

Home, always welcome.

Moltes gràcies. Aquí ja hi seré més i més.

Thank you very much. I will be here more and more.

T'ha agradat?

Did you like it?

Molt, molt.

Very, very.

Sí? Això és el més important.

Yes? That is the most important thing.

Una mica timid avui, però bueno...

A little shy today, but well...

No, jo me'l llamo el Conec, jo ja us ho explico.

No, I call him the Conec, I'll explain it to you.

Estimats oients.

Dear listeners.

Digues.

Say.

Ell al principi es fa molt almodocito, no?

At first, he gets very almondy, doesn't he?

Que no sé què...

I don't know what...

A mi...

To me...

A la que ell deixes anar és un autèntic miure.

The one you let go is a true treasure.

És una... una trituradora.

It's a... a shredder.

És una trituradora.

It is a shredder.

Home, a mi si fa que tot això porti deliciosos...

Home, I do feel that all this leads to delicious...

Ha, ha, ha...

Ha, ha, ha...

Això ha sigut una mica...

This has been a little...

Deliciosos sempre.

Always delicious.

Durant aquest programa va d'això.

During this program, it’s about that.

De delicious.

Delicious.

De delicious life.

Of delicious life.

Aquí hem de parlar de...

Here we have to talk about...

Aquí es parla del que vindria a ser el més important de la vida,

Here it talks about what would be the most important thing in life,

que és...

what is...

Bitcoin,

Bitcoin,

Speed,

Speed,

i puta real Madrid!

And fuck Real Madrid!

Bitcoin,

Bitcoin,

Speed,

Speed,

i puta real Madrid!

And f**k Real Madrid!

I queda delicioso, però està en un segon terme.

It looks delicious, but it is a secondary matter.

Home, no comparis.

"Man, don't compare."

Bueno, despedim.

Well, let's say goodbye.

Això ha sigut l'Open Illustrat.

This has been the Illustrated Open.

Oi!

Hey!

L'Open Illustrat.

The Illustrated Open.

O algo així.

Or something like that.

Algo així.

Something like that.

Oi.

Hi.