21. POMES VERDES, La història de la Laia, una adolescent ben normal.

La monitora de l'autocar cada matí em diu el mateix.

The bus monitor tells me the same thing every morning.

Laia, es pot saber què et passa? Últimament sempre vens tard.

Laia, can I know what's wrong? Lately, you always come late.

I jo somric. Bon dia, Montserrat.

And I smile. Good morning, Montserrat.

Faig una queixalada a la meva poma verda i baixo de l'autocar.

I take a bite of my green apple and get off the bus.

Aquest desembre és congelat de debò.

This December is really cold.

En sèrio hem de començar les classes tan d'hora?

Seriously, do we have to start classes this early?

Fa massa fred per estar a punt per això.

It's too cold to be ready for that.

Quan entro a l'insti, la conserja cada dia igual.

When I enter the school, the receptionist is the same every day.

Laia, canvia una mica la cara, carinyo.

Laia, change your face a little, darling.

I jo somric. Bon dia, Josefina.

And I smile. Good morning, Josefina.

Faig una queixalada a la meva poma verda i entro.

I take a bite of my green apple and enter.

Es pot saber què li passa a la gent? Tant se'm nota...

Can you tell what is happening to people? Does it show on me that much...?

El què se'm nota? Se'm nota, en sèrio.

What do you notice about me? You really notice me.

Però si ni jo sé què és el que se'm ha de notar.

But I don't even know what is supposed to show.

Ah! Algú m'agafa per l'esquena. La Marta, segur.

Ah! Someone is grabbing me from behind. It's Marta, for sure.

Laia, tia, que estàs empenadíssima. Porto deu minuts cridant-te.

Laia, aunt, you are really pregnant. I've been calling you for ten minutes.

I jo somric. Apa, exagerada.

And I smile. Come on, exaggerated.

Faig una queixalada a la meva poma verda i ella arrenca a córrer.

I take a bite of my green apple and she starts to run.

Va, que farem tard.

Come on, we'll be late.

Cada matí, el mateix camí per arribar al mateix lloc.

Every morning, the same path to reach the same place.

Normalment, els passadissos de l'institut ressonen de rialles, crits i corredisses.

Normally, the hallways of the institute resonate with laughter, shouts, and scurrying.

Però jo sento un silenci absolut.

But I hear an absolute silence.

Els nervis em recorren el cos i tot es paralitza. Fins i tot jo.

Nerves run through my body and everything becomes paralyzed. Even me.

Passadís de la planta baixa sencer. Giro a l'esquerra i pujo dos pisos.

Hallway of the ground floor completely. I turn left and go up two floors.

Passadís de la dreta fins als lavabos. Giro a l'esquerra. Pujo un pis més.

Right corridor to the restrooms. I turn left. I go up one more floor.

Passadís recte. Passo per davant la sala de profes sense mira.

Straight corridor. I walk past the teachers' lounge without looking.

Segueixo recte fins l'aula C3. Crec que vaig tard.

I continue straight to classroom C3. I think I am late.

Vaig tard? Merda. Guardo la poma a la motxilla.

Am I late? Shit. I'll put the apple in my backpack.

Bon dia, Laia. Que ho saps, que fas tard?

Good morning, Laia. Do you know that you are late?

Són les sis del matí, quan surto del llit i sento el neguit de tota la nit.

It's six in the morning when I get out of bed and feel the anxiety of the whole night.

No, no em puc ni dutxar, perquè he de marxar i aprenc del meu gat.

No, I can't even take a shower because I have to leave, and I'm learning from my cat.

La cara ja està.

The face is already done.

Ja torno a fer tard, se'n va l'autocar. Agafo una poma i me'n vaig sense esmorzar.

I'm running late again, the bus is leaving. I grab an apple and go without breakfast.

I el pare que em mira.

And the father who looks at me.

D'acord, no ho tornaré a fer. Aniré a dormir d'hora.

Alright, I won't do it again. I'll go to bed early.

Però és que em passo les nits llegint articles científics de l'escola.

But I spend my nights reading scientific articles from school.

Vale, una cola.

Okay, a soda.

Com els hi explico que és per tu.

How do I explain to them what it is for you?

Que em passo les nits mirant-te als ulls.

I spend the nights looking into your eyes.

Les teves fotos brillen.

Your photos shine.

I em fan sentir com una nena petita.

They make me feel like a little girl.

Que em faig un selfie gaic.

I'm taking a gay selfie.

Que semblo un mosaic.

That I look like a mosaic.

Però he arribat bé.

But I have arrived safely.

Respiro i em torna la lei.

I breathe and the law returns to me.

I em deixo portar.

I let myself go.

Descanso i ja està.

Rest and that's it.

Com els hi explico que és per tu.

How do I explain to them what it is for you?

Que em passo les nits mirant-te als ulls.

I spend the nights looking into your eyes.

Les teves fotos brillen.

Your photos shine.

I em fan sentir com una nena petita.

They make me feel like a small girl.

Que em faig un selfie gaic.

I'm taking a gay selfie.

No sé què em passa, que jo ni m'entenc.

I don't know what's happening to me, that I don't even understand myself.

Des de que hi ets, que tot és diferent.

Since you’ve been here, everything is different.

I sembla fàcil, però per mi no ho és.

It seems easy, but for me it is not.

Ni els llibres, ni les sèries, no m'ensenyen res.

Neither books nor series teach me anything.

I cada cop que et veig, i cada cop que hi ets,

And every time I see you, and every time you are there,

em tremola el cos.

My body is shaking.

I em guardo per mi sola el meu secret.

I keep my secret to myself.

L'Eva és la meva tutora i la meva profe de literatura.

Eva is my tutor and my literature teacher.

No us puc explicar gaire cosa més d'ella, perquè és tot el que sé.

I can't tell you much more about her, because that's all I know.

Estic enganxada, absolutament enganxada,

I am hooked, absolutely hooked.

de veure els llibres que ens posa de deures

to see the books that he/she assigns us as homework

i quan arribo a classe i ens demana la nostra opinió...

And when I arrive in class and he/she asks for our opinion...

Blanc. Absolut.

White. Absolute.

Però en vull més, més llibres, del que sigui,

But I want more, more books, whatever it is,

d'aventures, d'història, de misteri, de literatura clàssica,

of adventures, of history, of mystery, of classical literature,

el que sigui, més.

Whatever it is, more.

M'asseca a primera fila, perquè quan fem la lectura,

I sit down in the front row because when we do the reading,

amb veu alta, ella també llegeix una part

In a loud voice, she also reads a part.

i és com si m'ho digués a cau d'orella,

"and it's as if he were whispering it to me,"

com si xiu-xiuegés.

as if whispering.

Quina paraula, xiu-xiuejar.

What a word, to whisper.

Estic boja? Només la sento jo.

Am I crazy? Only I can hear it.

La resta de classe no la sent, no l'escolta.

The rest of the class does not hear her, does not listen to her.

Només jo. Jo i ella.

Only me. Me and her.

M'hipnotitza.

It hypnotizes me.

M'ha mirat, m'ha creuat la mirada.

He looked at me, he crossed my gaze.

M'està aguantant la mirada, m'està mirant.

He is holding my gaze, he is looking at me.

El temps es para i el meu cor batega cada vegada més de pressa.

Time stops and my heart beats faster and faster.

Em pregunto si ella està pensant el mateix que jo.

I wonder if she is thinking the same as me.

Laia, estàs aquí? Et toca?

Laia, are you here? It's your turn?

Hòstia.

Damn.

Havia assumiat una altra vida,

I had taken on another life,

molt diferent de la que havia anat vivint,

very different from the one I had been living,

molt diferent de la vida del seu pare.

very different from the life of his father.

Una vida traçada per la seva voluntat,

A life shaped by her will,

més que per unes circumstàncies,

more than because of some circumstances,

sempre pensant que ja tindria temps de rectificar-la,

always thinking that I would have time to correct it,

però que en el fons, sense gaires ganes de rectificar res.

but deep down, without much desire to rectify anything.

Havia vist tantes misèries,

I had seen so many miseries,

tanta persona vil i tant de tot,

so many vile people and so much of everything,

que la seva delícia era tirar molles de pa als pardals,

that his delight was throwing breadcrumbs to the sparrows,

a més de fugir quan el veien,

besides running away when they saw him,

li empastifaven la barana.

they smeared the railing.

Un home és una cosa misteriosa,

A man is a mysterious thing,

una màquina que no s'acaba mai de saber com està feta.

a machine that can never be fully understood in how it is made.

Perquè els metges i els homes de ciència diuen

Because doctors and scientists say

és això i allò,

it is this and that,

i sempre és més del que diuen.

And it's always more than they say.

Els mateixos humors, els mateixos camins,

The same moods, the same paths,

entortolligats per dintre,

twisted inside,

però cada home amb la seva ànima,

but every man with his soul,

com...

as...

I encara que intentava explicar-s'ho,

And even though I was trying to explain it to him/her,

més li semblava que no sabia res.

more it seemed to him that he knew nothing.

Mirall trencat.

Broken mirror.

M'ha volgut dir alguna cosa fent-me llegir això?

Has he wanted to tell me something by making me read this?

O... o ha sigut casualitat?

Oh... or was it a coincidence?

Un paràgraf cadascú.

One paragraph each.

Com quan érem petits.

Like when we were little.

Diu l'Eva que ja no en sabem de llegir en veu alta,

Eva says that we no longer know how to read aloud.

que hem de practicar.

that we have to practice.

I per això llegim un paràgraf cadascú.

And that's why each of us reads a paragraph.

Encara em queda una estona fins que em torni a tocar.

I still have a while until it touches me again.

Som 28 a la classe.

There are 28 of us in the class.

L'Eva deu tenir uns 32 anys.

Eva must be about 32 years old.

O més jove, potser 30.

Or younger, perhaps 30.

És del primer any que és profe del meu institut.

It's her first year as a teacher at my school.

Té els cabells castanys, més aviat foscos, arrissats,

She has brown hair, rather dark, curly.

però tampoc molt arrissats.

but not too curly either.

Undulats i llargs fins a sobre de l'espatlla.

Wavy and long down to the shoulder.

Els ulls són verds.

The eyes are green.

Com verd caqui o verd pistatxo.

Like khaki green or pistachio green.

O sigui, un verd com tirant a marró.

So, a green that leans towards brown.

No un verd super claret tirant a blau, no, no.

Not a very clear green leaning towards blue, no, no.

Més aviat tirant a marró.

Rather leaning towards brown.

No és gaire alta.

She is not very tall.

Una mica més que jo.

A little more than me.

Però no gaire més.

But not much more.

Si jo me deixo U60, ella potser deu me dir U65,

If I let myself go U60, she might tell me U65.

o una mica més, U67.

or a little more, U67.

M'encanta com vesteix.

I love how she dresses.

Té un estil brutal.

It has a brutal style.

Botes Martins, pantaló fins una mica per sobre del turmell,

Martens boots, trousers that are a bit above the ankle,

jersei oversize,

oversized sweater,

una mica els ulls pintats sempre.

a little bit of painted eyes always.

Els n'he vist mai.

I've never seen them.

Quin silenci.

What silence.

Què passa? Per què em mireu?

What's happening? Why are you looking at me?

Merda, em toca.

Shit, it's my turn.

Allà dins hi havia viscut gent.

People had lived in there.

De la vanitat, de l'odi, de les miques d'amor.

Of vanity, of hatred, of the scraps of love.

Em quedava la pols i un trist espectacle d'esplendor i d'oblit.

I was left with dust and a sad spectacle of splendor and oblivion.

28 paràgrafs més.

28 more paragraphs.

Li hauria de dir alguna cosa?

Should I say something to him/her?

Jo no sóc cap nena petita.

I am not a little girl.

Tinc 17 anys. Vull dir, podria ser, no?

I'm 17 years old. I mean, it could be, right?

Coses pitjors s'han vist.

Worse things have been seen.

Potser ella pensa el mateix, però no s'atreveix a fer el pas

Perhaps she thinks the same, but she does not dare to take the step.

perquè sóc la seva alumna.

because I am her student.

I, esclar, és complicat.

I, of course, it's complicated.

Jo estic segura que ella alguna cosa veu o sent.

I am sure that she sees or feels something.

Sempre em somriu, mai em rondina,

She always smiles at me, never scolds me.

encara que arribi tard.

even if I arrive late.

Ni em posa cap avís ni res.

Neither gives me any warning nor anything.

Els meus companys tampoc, però...

My colleagues neither, but...

a mi menys.

not me either.

Ho noto.

I feel it.

Hi ha una mena d'energia que sé del que parlo.

There is a kind of energy that I know what I'm talking about.

Quan ens toca biblioteca, la miro passejant entre els passadissos.

When it's our turn for the library, I watch her walking between the aisles.

Li encanta la literatura francesa.

He loves French literature.

A mi també.

Me too.

En sèrio, m'encanta.

Seriously, I love it.

No sé francès, però m'encanta la literatura.

I don't know French, but I love literature.

Jo els llegeixo traduïts, esclar.

I read them translated, of course.

Elles els llegeixen l'idioma original.

They read to them in the original language.

Que complicat.

How complicated.

Agafa un llibre i seu a la taula.

Take a book and sit at the table.

Dues taules per davant meu.

Two tables in front of me.

Acaricia cada pàgina amb amor.

Caress each page with love.

Somreu.

Smile.

Jo aixeco el cap del llibre i la miro.

I lift my head from the book and look at her.

Intento mirar el títol del llibre que he agafat.

I try to look at the title of the book I have picked up.

D'autres vies que la mine.

Other lives than mine.

De Manuel Carrer.

From Manuel Street.

D'altres vides diferents de la meva.

From other lives different from mine.

Merda, ja em torna a tocar?

Shit, is it bothering me again?

En tots els meus personatges

In all my characters

hi ha característiques meves.

There are characteristics of mine.

Però cap dels meus personatges no és jo.

But none of my characters is me.

Sona el timbre.

The bell rings.

No, no, joder, encara no.

No, no, damn it, not yet.

Tothom comença a recollir els llibres.

Everyone starts to pick up the books.

Se sent chivarri al passadís.

There is a commotion in the hallway.

Eva, perdona,

Eva, I'm sorry,

que et volia comentar una cosa.

I wanted to mention something to you.

Em mira. M'està mirant.

He/She is looking at me.

Està esperant que li digui alguna cosa.

He is waiting for me to say something to him.

Què faig? Li dic que no puc parar de pensar en ella.

What should I do? I tell him that I can't stop thinking about her.

Que he trobat el seu Instagram

That I found their Instagram.

i que ha fet una compta falsa per mirar les seves fotos.

and that he has created a fake account to look at her photos.

Li dic que sé que ho ha deixat

I tell her that I know she has left it.

amb la seva parella i que em sap molt greu.

with their partner and I am very sorry.

O que no me'n sap.

Or that I don't know.

Li dic que em passo les nits

I tell him that I spend the nights.

llegint la literatura francesa.

reading French literature.

Li dic que avui quan surti de l'Ínstia

I tell him that today when he leaves the Insty.

aniré a la biblioteca del poble a buscar

I will go to the town library to look for.

d'altres vies que la mine de Manuel Carrer.

other paths than Manuel Carrer's mine.

Que m'agrada molt.

I like it a lot.

Res.

Nothing.

Que em sap greu haver arribat tard.

I am sorry for having arrived late.

I arribo al meu lloc, comença aquest joc

I arrive at my place, this game begins.

i ja estic badallant.

And I'm already yawning.

No em cal una mosca volant.

I don't need a flying fly.

I agafo un paper

I take a piece of paper.

i escric el primer

and I write the first

que em passa pel cap.

what comes to my mind.

Som-hi, jo et tinc al costat.

Let's go, I have you by my side.

I em crides i em dius que surti al davant

You call me and tell me to come forward.

a dir el resultat.

to state the result.

M'aixeco i em veus tremolar.

I get up and you see me shaking.

Però tot això no és res.

But all of this is nothing.

Per mi és un sospès.

For me, it's a suspect.

No puc ni avançar.

I can't even move forward.

Ningú no m'ho pot notar.

No one can notice it.

Com els hi explico

How do I explain it to them?

que és per tu.

what it is for you.

Que em passo les nits

I spend the nights.

mirant-te als ulls

looking into your eyes

les teves fotos brillant.

your photos shine.

I em fan sentir

They make me feel.

com una nena petita.

like a little girl.

No sé què em passa

I don't know what's happening to me.

que jo ni m'entenc.

that I don't even understand myself.

Destaca i ets que tot és diferent.

You stand out and you are that everything is different.

I sembla fàcil

It seems easy.

però per mi no ho és.

but for me it isn't.

Ni els llibres ni les sèries

Neither the books nor the series.

no m'ensenyen res.

They don't show me anything.

I cada cop que et veig

And every time I see you.

i cada cop que hi ets

and every time you are there

em tremola el cos.

My body is shaking.

Em tremola el cos.

My body trembles.

I em guardo per mi sola

I keep myself to myself.

el meu secret.

my secret.