Juan Carlos Ortega i el locutor de les mil i una veus
Catalunya Ràdio
Múltiples personalitats
Juan Carlos Ortega i el locutor de les mil i una veus
Fins demà!
See you tomorrow!
Oh! Per qui serà aquest tiro?
Oh! Who will this shot be for?
Has begut, un altre cop?
Have you drunk again?
No m'agraden aquestes bromes, no poden sortir a la tele.
I don't like these jokes, they can't be on television.
Ah, ho tallarem. Perfecte.
Ah, we'll cut it. Perfect.
Sort que no és la tele.
It's good that it's not the TV.
Vale, doncs ja està. Què fem?
Alright, then that's it. What do we do?
Amb qui parlem avui?
Who are we speaking with today?
Estàs enfadat.
You are angry.
Anaven bé. No estic enfadat.
They were doing fine. I am not angry.
Fem el... Qui ve?
Let's do the... Who's coming?
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Vale.
Okay.
Estàs enfadat.
You are angry.
Fem el programa. Estic enfadat.
Let's do the program. I'm angry.
No parlem.
We don't speak.
De res.
You're welcome.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
He pensat aquest gínel. Ja està.
I've thought about this gínel. That's it.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Podem començar més tard i parlem del que et passa.
We can start later and talk about what’s happening to you.
Fem. Si em cau superbé, el Juan Carlos Ortega.
We do. If I fall, it's superb, Juan Carlos Ortega.
Ja està. Fem el que tu vulguis i ja està.
That's it. We'll do whatever you want and that's it.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Juan Carlos Ortega.
Has begut. Vinga, va.
You have drunk. Come on, let's go.
Juan Carlos Ortega. Què li podríem preguntar?
Juan Carlos Ortega. What could we ask him?
Juan Carlos!
Juan Carlos!
Ei, t'estimo!
Hey, I love you!
Múltiples personalitats.
Multiple personalities.
Amb Juan Rabonet i David Fernández.
With Juan Rabonet and David Fernández.
Benvinguts a Múltiples personalitats,
Welcome to Multiple Personalities,
un programa on us volem compartir amb vosaltres
a program where we want to share with you
les nostres múltiples personalitats
our multiple personalities
i les dels nostres convidats.
and those of our guests.
Això està presentat pel...
This is presented by...
David Fernández.
David Fernández.
I un amic seu.
And a friend of yours.
Ah, Juan Rabonet.
Ah, Juan Rabonet.
Molt bé, molt bé.
Very good, very good.
Molta gent es dedica a l'entreteniment,
Many people are involved in entertainment,
als mitjans de comunicació,
to the media,
però molts pocs són els que aconsegueixen crear
but very few are those who manage to create
un contingut autènticament original.
an authentically original content.
El nostre convidat és d'aquests pocs escollits.
Our guest is one of those few chosen ones.
Som els joves!
We are the youth!
Perdoneu-li, que ha begut.
Forgive him, he has been drinking.
La seva capacitat per crear personatges
Their ability to create characters.
en univers imaginaris és prodiciosa.
In imaginary universes, it is fruitful.
Avui ens parlarà de les seves múltiples personalitats
Today he will talk to us about his multiple personalities.
el gran Juan Carlos Ortega.
the great Juan Carlos Ortega.
Uh-uh!
Uh-uh!
Què tal, amigos?
How are you, friends?
Uh-uh!
Uh-uh!
Hostia, qué aplausos más buenos.
Wow, what great applause.
Es cutre, eh?
It's shabby, isn't it?
M'agraden molt.
I like them a lot.
Estan fets amb intel·ligència artificial.
They are made with artificial intelligence.
Què tal?
How are you?
Molt bé, benvingut.
Very well, welcome.
Ens ha fet molta il·lusió que vinguis.
We are very pleased that you are coming.
Voy a no contestar cosas.
I am going to not answer things.
Vamos a hacer como si yo fuera el típico invitado cabrón
Let's pretend I'm the typical obnoxious guest.
que contesta con monosílabos, ¿vale?
that responds with monosyllables, okay?
M'agrada molt.
I like it a lot.
Vinga.
Come on.
M'agrada molt.
I like it a lot.
O sea, voy a joder-vos a la entrevista.
I mean, I'm going to mess you up in the interview.
No tens ganes de...
You don't feel like...
Sí, ja està bé.
Yes, it's fine now.
Solamente un minuto o dos, ¿vale?
Just a minute or two, okay?
No, no, no, no pensis.
No, no, no, don't think.
Un invitado que os cueste, ¿vale?
A guest that costs you, okay?
Es una feina.
It is a job.
Solamente dos minutos.
Only two minutes.
Venga, va.
Come on, let's go.
No, no, el que vulguis.
No, no, whatever you want.
Sí, podem jugar a això, que és un convidat complicat.
Yes, we can play this, which is a complicated guest.
Benvingut, Juan Carlos, com estem?
Welcome, Juan Carlos, how are we?
Molt bé.
Very good.
Estàs blanquejat, l'Anac?
Are you bleached, Anac?
Moltes gràcies per venir.
Thank you very much for coming.
Com és un dia a la vida de Juan Carlos Ortega?
What is a day in the life of Juan Carlos Ortega like?
Un dia normal.
A normal day.
Me levanto, gravo y luego ya me voy a dormir.
I wake up, record, and then I go to sleep.
Qué guay.
How cool.
Bueno, y...
Well, and...
¿Y grabas todo el día?
And do you record all day?
Sí.
Yes.
No, todo no.
No, not everything.
Un trozo, un poco.
A piece, a little.
¿Qué pensabas?
What were you thinking?
¿Qué piensas de los filósofs grecs?
What do you think of the Greek philosophers?
Los persocráticos me gustan más.
I like the pre-Socratics more.
Porque eran los que se llamaban los físicos.
Because they were the ones called the physicists.
Luego ya, con Sócrates, ya bajó.
Then, with Socrates, he came down.
Bueno, bueno, bueno.
Well, well, well.
¿Y els postsocràtics?
And the postsocratics?
Bueno, en eso estamos todos incluidos, ¿no?
Well, we are all included in that, right?
Después de Sócrates seríamos nosotros.
After Socrates, it would be us.
¿San Feliu de Llobregat o San Feliu de Guixols?
San Feliu de Llobregat or San Feliu de Guixols?
Llobregat.
Llobregat.
¿Quién es el secret del teu cabell?
What is the secret of your hair?
Juventud interna.
Internal youth.
Y checador de pelo.
And hair straightener.
Vale.
Okay.
¿Belcro o cremallera?
Velcro or zipper?
Belcro.
Belcro.
Va, ja està, tio.
Come on, that's it, man.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, tio, no.
No, no, man, no.
Es que no.
It's just no.
Me pongo en el lugar de un espectador
I put myself in the position of a spectator.
o alguien que lo haya puesto justo.
or someone who has just put it there.
En ese momento.
At that moment.
Y diga, hostia, ¿pero qué es esto?
And he says, damn, what is this?
Sí, sí, molta atenció.
Yes, yes, a lot of attention.
Hijo puta, ¿no?
Son of a bitch, right?
Molta atenció.
Very attentive.
No, no, parem-ho, parem-ho, parem-ho.
No, no, let's stop it, let's stop it, let's stop it.
Sí.
Yes.
No, parem-ho, parem-ho.
No, let's stop it, let's stop it.
Hi ha algun tema complicat per tu
Is there any complicated topic for you?
del que no vulguis parlar?
What do you not want to talk about?
Perquè volem només preguntar-te coses que t'agradin
Because we only want to ask you things that you like.
i que estiguin dintre de la teva zona de confort.
and that they are within your comfort zone.
No.
No.
¿Hi ha alguna cosa de la que no vols parlar?
Is there something you don't want to talk about?
Algun company que hagis treballat,
Any company you have worked for,
que no vulguis que parlem d'ell?
that you don't want us to talk about him?
No, podéis hablar de todo.
No, you can talk about everything.
Lo que me cuesta mucho es opinar últimamente.
What I find very difficult is to express my opinion lately.
O sea, cada vez me cuesta más dar mi opinión.
In other words, it becomes increasingly difficult for me to express my opinion.
Soy muy cobarde.
I am very cowardly.
O sea, tengo mis opiniones, como todo el mundo,
I mean, I have my opinions, like everyone else,
pero cada vez me cuesta más, por cobardía.
but it gets harder for me every time, due to cowardice.
¿Es cobardía?
Is it cowardice?
Sí, es cobardía.
Yes, it is cowardice.
¿O es prudencia?
Or is it prudence?
No, cobardía.
No, cowardice.
¿Cobardía?
Cowardice?
Es puta cobardía.
It's cowardice.
Por el miedo a enfrentarme a críticas y tal.
Because of the fear of facing criticism and such.
Soy humano y tengo este miedo absurdo.
I am human and I have this absurd fear.
Y entonces digo, no, prefiero no decir nada.
And then I say, no, I prefer not to say anything.
Yo creo que dentro de dos años o tres
I think that in two or three years.
me convertiré en un...
I will become a...
cabrón que todo lo dirá, lo que se le pase por la cabeza.
bastard who will say everything that crosses his mind.
Lo vomitará.
He will vomit it.
Tens ganes, no?, de fer-te gran i ja perdre aquell filtre.
You want to, right?, to grow up and lose that filter.
Sí, pero aún lo tengo, aún lo tengo.
Yes, but I still have it, I still have it.
También es cierto que tampoco tengo opinión formada de muchas cosas
It is also true that I do not have a formed opinion on many things either.
y puedo cambiar de opinión.
And I can change my mind.
¿No os pasa?
Doesn't it happen to you?
Sí.
Yes.
Yo veo a Pedro Sánchez hablando y digo, coño, es verdad, es verdad.
I see Pedro Sánchez talking and I say, damn, it's true, it's true.
Pero luego oigo a Fijo y digo, es verdad también.
But then I hear Fijo and I say, it’s true too.
Me falta como un anclaje a la realidad y a la verdad.
I feel a lack of an anchor to reality and truth.
Per tant, ets cobard.
Therefore, you are a coward.
Com dius tu, a l'hora d'opinar en públic, però en privat no passa res.
As you say, when it comes to publicly expressing opinions, but privately nothing happens.
Sí, en privat inclús me passo opinant.
Yes, even privately I tend to express my opinions.
Això em passa a mi també.
This happens to me too.
Antes os he dicho fuera de antena
I told you earlier off the air.
que político considero yo que es un psicopata, hijo de puta.
Which politician do I consider to be a psychopath, son of a bitch?
No, no, no ho direm.
No, no, we won't say it.
No ho direm.
We won't say it.
No és Sánchez, perquè tot el mundo està diciendo que és Sánchez.
It’s not Sánchez, because everyone is saying it’s Sánchez.
No és Sánchez.
It's not Sánchez.
Hi ha otro que para mí es el claro ejemplo de la psicopatía.
There is another one that for me is the clear example of psychopathy.
Y no ho direm.
And we won't say it.
No ho direm.
We won't say it.
No ho direm, no ho direm.
We won't say it, we won't say it.
¿Per què creus que te hem convidat?
Why do you think we invited you?
Comença.
Start.
Perquè imagino que ens ha fallat...
Because I imagine that we have let each other down...
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No?
No?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Perquè som amics i és fàcil en tot el que vingui.
Because we are friends and it's easy in everything that comes.
Bueno, fàcil no ha sigut.
Well, it hasn't been easy.
No, fàcil no ha sigut.
No, it hasn’t been easy.
Hòstia, és que m'he adormit.
Holy shit, I fell asleep.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
A veure, no passa res.
Let's see, it's all right.
No, perquè t'admirem molt.
No, because we admire you a lot.
Sí?
Yes?
Sí, t'admirem...
Yes, we admire you...
Això m'enterneix, hòstia.
This moves me, damn.
Súper fan.
Super fan.
No, però t'admirem moltíssim.
No, but we admire you very much.
Joder.
Damn.
Saps què m'ha passat?
Do you know what happened to me?
Una temporada a Madrid,
A season in Madrid,
fent teatre,
doing theatre,
i a la nit,
and at night,
això és l'edat també, eh?
this is also age, right?
En comptes de sortir,
Instead of going out,
em posava podcasteus...
he was putting me podcasts...
Que bonico eres.
How lovely you are.
...amb els meus amics,
...with my friends,
i soc superfan d'un en concret...
I am a super fan of one in particular...
Quin?
Which?
...que és...
...that is...
el de les élites.
the one of the elites.
Ah, sí.
Oh, yes.
Lo que las élites no quieren que sepas.
What the elites don't want you to know.
El señor que crida...
The man who calls...
Soc tan fan...
I am such a fan...
Tirar un cap enrere...
Throwing a head back...
Ah!
Ah!
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Se me ocurre una idea de un programa.
I have an idea for a program.
A veces es oyendo ese mismo registro, pero en serio.
Sometimes it's about hearing that same register, but seriously.
O sea, yo oigo muchos podcasts, ¿no?
I mean, I listen to a lot of podcasts, right?
De todo tipo, pero de ciencia, de economía, de lo que sea.
Of all kinds, but of science, of economics, of whatever.
Los seriosos.
The serious ones.
Dan muchas ideas para la comicidad.
They give many ideas for comedy.
Oír cosas serias.
Hearing serious things.
Es, para mí...
It is, for me...
Sí.
Yes.
Y yo estaba oyendo un programa de...
And I was listening to a program about...
el típico programa de podcast de lo que las élites no quieren que sepas,
the typical podcast program about what the elites don't want you to know,
y vivimos en Matrix y todo esto, ¿no?
And we live in the Matrix and all this, right?
La pastilla azul.
The blue pill.
Y dije, coño, esto hay que hacerlo.
And I said, damn, this has to be done.
Y entonces, a veces, cogiendo frases de las que ellos dicen,
And then, sometimes, taking phrases from what they say,
pero por acumulación, exagerándolo,
but by accumulation, exaggerating it,
la comedia surge, es maravilloso.
The comedy emerges, it's wonderful.
Pero es que no...
But it's just that no...
No exageras.
You're not exaggerating.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Sí, es que hay mucha gente que le da la vuelta al marcador a eso, tío.
Yes, there are a lot of people who turn the scoreboard around on that, man.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
O sea, es maravilloso que las élites no quieren que sepas.
In other words, it's wonderful that the elites don't want you to know.
O sigui que el primer que fas és enamorar-te d'una història,
So the first thing you do is fall in love with a story,
o d'un context, o d'un escenari,
or of a context, or of a scenario,
i a partir d'aquí crees els personatges i les situacions.
And from here you create the characters and the situations.
Sí, o sea, me gusta mucho tener un anclaje...
Yes, I mean, I really like having an anchor...
Si me pongo serio, decídmelo, ¿eh?
If I get serious, let me know, okay?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No passa nada.
Nothing happens.
Tener un anclaje en la realidad.
Having an anchor in reality.
Uh, qué serio.
Uh, how serious.
Sí, me gusta mucho.
Yes, I like it a lot.
O sea, que el humor que hago no esté volado,
In other words, the humor I make isn't out there.
que tenga una cadena atada.
that has a chain tied.
Al suelo, querido amigo.
On the ground, dear friend.
Y entonces, por ejemplo, el otro día, el último que hice,
And then, for example, the other day, the last one I did,
fue como estaba el gobierno nuevo de Sánchez
it was like the new government of Sánchez was
y estaban decidiéndose qué ministros y para ver y tal, ¿no?
And they were deciding which ministers and to see and so on, right?
Pues entrevisté a una señora
Well, I interviewed a lady.
que era la elegida como ministra de todos los ministerios.
that she was the chosen one as minister of all ministries.
Ella sola iba a encargarse de los 22 ministerios, ¿no?
She was going to take care of the 22 ministries on her own, wasn't she?
Entonces, con ese anclaje en la realidad,
So, with that anchor in reality,
que es lo que ha ocurrido,
what has happened,
ya yo disfruto en mi casica, hago mis voces, soy feliz.
I already enjoy in my little house, I make my voices, I am happy.
Solamente eso.
Only that.
En ese momento soy feliz.
At that moment I am happy.
En el resto del día, no.
Not for the rest of the day.
¿Te han grabado alguna vez en el programa?
Have you ever been recorded on the show?
No.
No.
¿Cómo haces los personajes?
How do you create the characters?
Pero por vosotros me dejaría grabar.
But for you, I would let myself be recorded.
Solo por vosotros.
Only for you.
Ay, qué maco.
Oh, how beautiful.
Hola, Toribio, ¿cómo estén?
Hello, Toribio, how are you?
Hola, ¿qué? ¿Cómo estén?
Hello, what? How are you all?
Ay, hola.
Oh, hello.
El Toribio es un compañ de aquí de la Estudi.
Toribio is a colleague here at the Estudi.
Hola, ¿cómo estén?
Hello, how are you?
Calla, que sí, parla yo.
Shut up, yes, let me speak.
Lo conozco perfectamente.
I know him perfectly.
Ay, por favor.
Oh, please.
No es que le volía atrasar.
It's not that I wanted to delay him.
Perdón, y no volía interrompre.
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Ya, pero es que parla yo.
Yeah, but he speaks to me.
No, no, ya lo sé.
No, no, I already know.
Bueno, pues achanta la boquinita, echa el cierre, cara al liebre.
Well then, shut your little mouth, close it up, face the rabbit.
Claro.
Of course.
T'ho he dit 30.000 vegades.
I've told you 30,000 times.
Ara està trobant la veu.
Now he/she is finding his/her voice.
Te mato, cabrón, si quiero.
I'll kill you, bastard, if I want.
Que havia perdut la veu.
That he had lost his voice.
Vale, vale.
Okay, okay.
Que havia perdut la veu, ja l'ha trobat.
That he had lost his voice, he has already found it.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
És el registre que...
It is the register that...
Sí, el que registra.
Yes, the one who registers.
El pitch, el pitch.
The pitch, the pitch.
Ha vingut el Behuetas.
The Behuetas has come.
Hola.
Hello.
Hola, Behuetas.
Hello, Behuetas.
¿Cómo estén?
How are you?
Me gusta mucho lo de Behuetas.
I really like what Behuetas does.
¿Qué tal, amigo?
How's it going, friend?
Quim Plaer, em fas molta ràbia i tu havia de dir a la cara.
Quim Plaer, you make me very angry and I had to say it to your face.
Oh, ¿por qué ràbia?
Oh, why anger?
¿Por qué?
Why?
Porque te semblas más jove de lo que eres y yo más bello de lo que soy.
Because you look younger than you are and I look more handsome than I am.
¿Usted qué edad tiene, señor?
What is your age, sir?
¿Y a ti qué te importa si yo tengo una edad o tengo otra?
And what do you care if I am a certain age or another?
Pues achanta la boquinita tú también.
Well, shut your little mouth too.
Pero qué cara, usted debe...
But what a face, you must...
¡Ortega, estoy hablando yo, sisplau!
Ortega, I'm talking, please!
Estás hablando muy a prop.
You are speaking very close.
Sí.
Yes.
Satura, satura.
Saturate, saturate.
Sí, posaré el micro.
Yes, I'll put on the microphone.
Tiene usted que tratar bien a los invitados.
You have to treat the guests well.
Sí.
Yes.
Sí, la primera norma es esa.
Yes, the first rule is that.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, que ha venido el Dalai Lama a darme instrucciones.
Oh, the Dalai Lama has come to give me instructions.
Dígame usted, señor.
Tell me, sir.
Dígame.
Tell me.
¿Qué medita?
What is he/she/it meditating?
¿Qué hace terapia?
What does therapy do?
Nunca.
Never.
¿Qué hace cositas para estar mejor?
What does he/she do to feel better?
Bueno, Toribio...
Well, Toribio...
¿Hace estas cositas, usted?
Do you do these little things?
Me da miedo.
It scares me.
No, sí, sí, no pasa re.
No, yes, yes, it's okay.
A ver.
Let's see.
¡Horta de ir!
Horta to go!
Me da un poco de miedo.
It scares me a little.
Toribio.
Toribio.
O sea, Toribio.
I mean, Toribio.
¿Qué?
What?
Toribio, ¿li volía hacer alguna pregunta, alguna reclamación?
Toribio, did you want to ask a question or make a complaint?
¿Usted estaba indignado?
Were you outraged?
No, volía decir que estaba indignado, Pacho.
No, I meant to say that I was outraged, Pacho.
¿Por qué?
Why?
Porque se había trobado...
Because he had found...
Me ha copiado la veu.
He has copied my voice.
¿Cómo?
How?
Ha ocultat molts personatges.
He has hidden many characters.
¡Veo!
I see!
¡La madre que me va a parir!
The mother who is going to give birth to me!
Pero es que tiene una veu usted que es molt, molt...
But you have a voice that is very, very...
¿Qué ha hecho aquí?
What has he/she done here?
Toribio acaba de enloquecer en los estudios.
Toribio has just gone mad in his studies.
¡Sisplau!
Please!
Vale, Toribio, gràcies.
Okay, Toribio, thank you.
¡No, no puc!
No, I can't!
¡Taxi!
Taxi!
Da mucho miedo este señor.
This man is very frightening.
¡Taxi!
Taxi!
¡Un avión!
A plane!
¡Algo que venga a buscarme!
Something to come find me!
Que vuelva David a su cuerpo.
May David return to his body.
¡Me ha copiado la veu!
She has copied my voice!
David, vuelva.
David, come back.
David, vuelve al cuerpo.
David, return to the body.
¿Se ha anat el Toribio?
Has Toribio left?
Se ha anat.
He has gone.
¿Qué sientes cuando se va?
What do you feel when they leave?
Pues ahora mateix em sento una miqueta com...
Well, right now I feel a little like...
No, quan fas aquests personatges, no?
No, when you create these characters, right?
És una manera d'entendre la vida, no?
It's a way of understanding life, isn't it?
¿Qué cabrón que és?
What a bastard he is!
Estem amb Juan Carlos Ortega i quan comences...
We are with Juan Carlos Ortega and when do you start...
Ricardo Darín.
Ricardo Darín.
Quan comences...
When do you start...
A veure, sisplau.
Let's see, please.
Quan comences una...
When you start a...
Donen Solider.
They give Solidarity.
Tenc el Washington.
I have the Washington.
Quan comences...
When do you start...
Donen Solider, jo.
They give Solidarity, me.
Quan descobreixes la teva vocació i ets jove,
When you discover your vocation and you are young,
normalment és perquè veus algú i t'hi vols assemblar.
Usually it's because you see someone and you want to resemble them.
O veus un equip de gent o has llegit alguna cosa o has sentit algú.
Either you see a team of people, or you have read something, or you have heard someone.
Quan vas començar, a què et volies assemblar?
When you started, what did you want to be like?
Clar, és que jo no quería parecer-me a ningún humorista
Of course, I didn't want to resemble any comedian.
porque mi vocación nunca ha sido esta cosa vuestra,
because my vocation has never been this thing of yours,
que hacéis de comèdia, ¿sabes?
What are you doing as a comedy, you know?
Me he convertido en uno de vosotros a mi pesar, ¿no?
I have become one of you against my will, haven't I?
Yo quería ser serio, coño.
I wanted to be serious, damn it.
Yo quería ser Gabilondo, Del Olmo, esas cosas.
I wanted to be Gabilondo, Del Olmo, those things.
Pero tú, fam, Olsant, yo me recuerdo de Crónicas Marcianas,
But you, fam, Olsant, I remember Martian Chronicles,
que me semblaba maravillós, també,
that seemed wonderful to me, too,
lo que feia Sam Alsavis, que portabas allá...
what Sam Alsavis was doing, that you brought over there...
Sí, no, empecé a hacer humor, pero...
Yes, no, I started making humor, but...
Y ahora soy fan del humor, ¿eh?
And now I'm a fan of humor, huh?
No me cambiaría por ningún otro oficio, joder.
I wouldn't change for any other job, damn it.
Pero volías asamblarte a Luis Del Olmo y a Iñaki...
But you wanted to be like Luis Del Olmo and Iñaki...
Haces radio, de verdad.
You really do radio.
Totalmente, de verdad, pero sin hostias, sin bromas.
Totally, really, but no bullshit, no jokes.
Pero, claro, como debo tener de fábrica sentido del humor,
But, of course, since I must have a factory-installed sense of humor,
debo tenerlo, ¿no?
I must have it, right?
Entonces, cuando empecé a hacerlo,
So, when I started doing it,
me di cuenta de que no me lo podía tomar en serio, ¿no?
I realized that I couldn't take it seriously, could I?
Y dije, pues casi mejor que los parodio, ¿no?
And I said, well it's almost better that I parody them, right?
Casi mejor que hago broma.
Almost better that I make a joke.
Y desde entonces estoy haciendo esto en mi vida.
And since then I have been doing this in my life.
En mi vida.
In my life.
Pero la solemnidad ens fa molta gràcia, ¿no?
But the solemnity amuses us a lot, doesn't it?
Això ho deies abans, que, quan més seriós,
You said this before, that the more serious.
és el teu context, més comèdia li pots donar.
It's your context, the more comedy you can give it.
Sí, sí, totalment.
Yes, yes, absolutely.
El humor, per a que faci gràcia,
Humor, in order to be funny,
si multipliques la distància que hi ha entre el ton i el contenit,
if you multiply the distance between the tone and the content,
és l'hòstia.
it's the shit.
O sigui, un contenit molt seriós, molt solemne,
That is to say, a very serious, very solemn content,
amb un ton divertit, no, no mola.
in a funny tone, no, it doesn't rock.
És al revés, un ton molt seriós, molt seriós.
It's the other way around, very serious, very serious.
I el contenit, al·locat.
And the content, allocated.
Almenys és allò que m'agrada a mi.
At least that's what I like.
Però també em riu molt amb altres humoristes que no comparteixen aquest registre.
But I also laugh a lot with other comedians who do not share this style.
O sigui, que cadascú faci el que vulgui.
So, let everyone do what they want.
Sí, és veritat, ja està bé.
Yes, it's true, that's enough.
Hòstia, ja està bé de donar leccions aquí de com ha de ser l'humor.
Damn, that's enough of giving lessons here on what humor should be.
Ja està bé.
It's fine now.
No, no.
No, no.
¿Me queréis sacar como titulares de cómo ha de ser el humor?
Do you want to tell me how humor should be in headlines?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Basta, ja.
Enough, already.
Que cadascú faci el que vulgui.
Let each one do what they want.
Toribio.
Toribio.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
¿Qué?
What?
Me he poseído de Toribio.
I have possessed Toribio.
¿Qué es el aceite de la concha Vargas?
What is Vargas shell oil?
Calla.
Shut up.
Hostia, pero ¿cómo puedes saber ese nombre?
Holy shit, but how can you know that name?
Hombre, porque estuve con ella hace años.
Man, because I was with her years ago.
Pero Concha Vargas, juro que nadie sabía esto.
But Concha Vargas, I swear that nobody knew this.
Concha Vargas es el nombre que le puse al primer personaje de ficción que hice, a la primera voz.
Concha Vargas is the name I gave to the first fictional character I created, to the first voice.
Cuando tenía yo 18 años.
When I was 18 years old.
¿Cómo parlaba?
How did he/she speak?
¿Qué está pasando?
What is happening?
Sisplau, sisplau.
Please, please.
¿Era una voz así?
Was it a voice like that?
Más o menos, pero le aceleraba con el pitch.
More or less, but I was speeding it up with the pitch.
Yo grababa en estos jóvenes.
I was recording in these young people.
¿Cómo era?
How was it?
No lo puedo hacer porque grababa en un magnetofón Toribio.
I can't do it because I was recording on a Toribio tape recorder.
Entonces, lo aceleraba.
Then, I accelerated it.
La base de la voz era esta.
The base of the voice was this.
Pero luego le ponía un poquito de aceleración.
But then I would add a little acceleration.
Y la sigo haciendo.
And I'm still doing it.
Y yo le puse Concha Vargas.
And I named her Concha Vargas.
Porque había un... en la tele estaban haciendo toros.
Because there was a... they were showing bullfighting on TV.
Y salió un cartel taurino.
And a bullfighting poster came out.
Y ponía ganadería, no sé qué, Vargas.
And I said livestock, I don't know what, Vargas.
Y la que lo presentaba, la señora, la locutora.
And the one who was presenting it, the lady, the announcer.
Era Concha.
It was Concha.
Dije, pues Concha Vargas.
I said, then Concha Vargas.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Ahora estoy haciéndome a mí mismo como si hubiera hecho algo histórico.
Now I am making myself as if I had done something historic.
Como cuando Charlotte.
Like when Charlotte.
Y cogí un sombrero.
And I took a hat.
Y cogí un bigote.
And I took a mustache.
Y cogí...
And I took...
Como la creación del momento.
Like the creation of the moment.
T'agrada molt la ciència i ets molt crític amb les pseudociències.
You really like science and you are very critical of pseudosciences.
Sí.
Yes.
Això és molt sagitari, no?
This is very Sagittarius, isn't it?
Qué cabra, no?
What a goat, right?
Espérate, lo era más antes, eh?
Wait, it was more before, huh?
Yo antes sí que era un talibán de esto de las...
I used to be a bit of a Taliban about this...
En contra de las pseudociencias y tal.
Against pseudosciences and such.
Pero mucho, mucho.
But a lot, a lot.
O sea, me cabreaba mucho.
I mean, it made me very angry.
Los ufólogos, las seteadoras de cartas, los parapsicólogos...
UFOlogists, card readers, parapsychologists...
Con la edad me he vuelto no más comprensivo ni estas cosas, eh?
With age, I have not become more understanding or these things, huh?
Pero, bueno, que cada uno opine lo que quiera.
But, well, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
O sea, yo estoy convencido de que no hay evidencias científicas en esas cosas.
In other words, I am convinced that there is no scientific evidence for those things.
Pero antes me cabreaba.
But before I used to get angry.
Y ahora, oye, vivimos cuatro días.
And now, hey, we live four days.
Que cada uno piense lo que le dé la gana.
Let everyone think what they want.
Ya está bien.
That's enough.
¿Recordes...?
Do you remember...?
Personalitat.
Personality.
¿Recordes la última...?
Do you remember the last…?
La endevinaia de la semana.
The riddle of the week.
Ara no, ara, Toñi.
Not now, now, Toñi.
Un segon, un segon, Toñi, que avui pregunto una cosa.
One second, one second, Toñi, I'm going to ask something today.
Es que estic aquí.
It's just that I'm here.
Ja ho sé, Toñi.
I know, Toñi.
Bueno, va.
Okay, let's go.
Aquí ha llegado.
Here he/has arrived.
Bueno, va.
Okay, come on.
Ha arribat el Toñi.
Toñi has arrived.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
El Toñi Salazón.
The Toñi Salazón.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
A una secció.
To a section.
La endevinaia de la semana.
The riddle of the week.
Una secció.
A section.
De adivinar.
To guess.
Que es diu l'endevinaia de la santa.
It is called the prophecy of the saint.
A ver si puedo adivinarla.
Let's see if I can guess it.
Yo, ojalá, ojalá, ojalá.
I, hopefully, hopefully, hopefully.
Toñi Salazón, benvingut.
Toñi Salazón, welcome.
Benvingut, Toñi Salazón.
Welcome, Toñi Salazón.
Que ha quedado claro que es la cortinilla de Susi.
It has been made clear that it is Susi's curtain.
Ha arribat.
He has arrived.
Ui, com m'agrada que en tallis tu.
Oh, how I love it when you cut it for me.
M'agrada que en tallis tu.
I like that you cut it for me.
Vinga.
Come on.
¿Cuál es esa adivinanza, querido amigo?
What is that riddle, dear friend?
No.
No.
Ha arribat.
It has arrived.
Ha arribat l'endevinaia del Toñi Salazón.
The riddle of Toñi Salazón has arrived.
Abans d'això, abans de l'endevinaia, hi ha una pregunta molt important.
Before this, before the guessing, there is a very important question.
¿Sin això no seria possible aquesta endevinaia?
Without this, would this riddle not be possible?
¿Sin això?
Without this?
Sí.
Yes.
Eh, eh.
Hey, hey.
¿Sin això?
Without this?
Eh, eh.
Hey, hey.
I llavors em diuen a mi que parlo mal català quan ho parlo, hòstia.
And then they tell me that I speak Catalan poorly when I speak it, damn.
¿Sin això?
Without this?
Redaça't una miqueta, que això ha vingut a riure-te.
Calm down a little, this has come to make you laugh.
Ha divertit-me molt.
I have had a lot of fun.
Vinga, ara.
Come on, now.
Abans de començar amb l'endevinaia de la setmana.
Before starting with this week's riddle.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Això ja ho sabem.
We already know that.
La pregunta més important.
The most important question.
Sí.
Yes.
Vols...
Do you want...
Ojo, que ve la pregunta.
Watch out, the question is coming.
A ver.
Let's see.
Què fas?
What are you doing?
¿Què fas?
What are you doing?
Si la endevineya sí o no tiempo.
If I guess it yes or no time.
Sí.
Yes.
Perfecte!
Perfect!
Vinga, per allà.
Come on, over there.
Era essencial.
It was essential.
La teresa pregunta era essencial.
The Teresa question was essential.
Sí.
Yes.
Por supuesto.
Of course.
Porque si no, todos se desmoronan.
Because if not, everything falls apart.
Si te digo que no, ya no hay sección.
If I tell you no, there is no section anymore.
Sí.
Yes.
Si em dius que no...
If you tell me no...
Te puteo.
I fuck you.
...em farías rabia, ¿eh?
...you would make me angry, wouldn't you?
Sí.
Yes.
Perquè som molt fanteu, eh?
Because we are very mischievous, aren't we?
Ah.
Ah.
Moltes gràcies.
Thank you very much.
Desde que feia assaio de... de lo del programa aquell.
Since I was rehearsing for... that program.
Concha Vargas.
Concha Vargas.
De lo de Concha Vargas.
About Concha Vargas.
Eh, se no sé qué ni es.
Eh, I don't know what it is.
Pero...
But...
Había un personaje que decía...
There was a character who said...
¿Qué le fue?
What happened to him/her?
¿Qué le hizo?
What did he/she do to him/her?
Bueno, vamos a la
Well, let's go to the
a la endevinalla
to the riddle
Què et sembla si anem a la endevinalla?
What do you think about going to the riddle?
Saps quan la roda
Do you know when the wheel?
Sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes.
Lo de la roda ho fa sempre
The wheel always does that.
Vinga, anem
Come on, let's go.
Vinga, va, vinga
Come on, come on.
Un, dos, tres
One, two, three
i
i
Tinc cap
I have a headache.
Però el cap del pèl
But the hair on the head
O sigui, no el cap de ningú de res
That is, not the head of anyone for anything.
Intento concentrar-me
I'm trying to concentrate.
El cap del cap del
The head of the head of
Tinc cap, però el cap del cap
I have a head, but the head of the head.
No l'adverbi, eh
Not the adverb, huh.
O sigui, el cap
I mean, the head
L'objecte en qüestió
The object in question
no té cap
it has none
Però no té pèl
But it has no hair.
És que, clar
It's just that, of course.
Si vens aquí a fer-me una trampa
If you come here to trick me
Tinc cap
I have a headache.
Ull i cos
Eye and body
No és que no tingui cap ull
It's not that I don't have any eye.
És que té cap
It is that he/she has a head.
Bueno
Good.
El que penso jo
What I think is...
Seria així, eh
It would be like this, right?
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
No, l'endevinalla és
No, the riddle is
No tinc cap ni os
I have no idea.
Té cos
It has a body.
Però no té carn
But it doesn't have meat.
O sigui
That is to say
Vamos a ver, pa que ens entenguem
Let’s see, so we can understand each other.
Sí, no, no, para que quede claro
Yes, no, no, to make it clear.
Que no es posin nerviosos
Don't get nervous.
No necesita osos para aguantar la carne
You don't need bears to hold the meat.
És a dir
That is to say
Bueno
Good.
Puede ser un gusano
It can be a worm.
No, això no li pos d'una a les gossos
No, that doesn’t put one on the dogs.
Hi ha gossos que diu
There are dogs that say.
Mira, un gusano
Look, a worm.
I no le puedes dar
And you can't give it to him/her.
Bueno, anem
Well, let's go.
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
I no tinc cap ni os
I have neither head nor tail.
Què sóc?
What am I?
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
Però a lo mejor
But maybe
Jo crec que està tot
I believe that everything is fine.
No està complicada, eh
It's not complicated, is it?
Cap de ningú i cap de cabeça
Head of no one and head of head.
Debe estar por ahí
It should be around there.
Pero no termino de comprenderlo
But I don't quite understand it.
No tinc cap
I don't have any.
No tengo cabeza
I don't have a head.
O no tengo ningún
Or I don't have any.
¿Cómo sigue?
How are you doing?
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
I no tinc cap ni os
I have neither head nor tail.
Tinc cap
I have a headache.
Tengo ningún ojo
I have no eye.
También podría ser así
It could also be like this.
Si entendemos cap como ninguno
If we understand "cap" as "none".
Bueno, pues se ha vingut a complicar
Well, it has become complicated.
No, es que yo creo que
No, it's just that I think that
Cap ull i cos
No eye and body
Tinc, cap, ull
I have, head, eye
No, a ver
No, let's see.
Si hay una coma ya no es tinc cap
If there is a comma, I no longer have any.
Una pista
A clue
Me he pulsat una coma y me he equivocado
I pressed a comma and I made a mistake.
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
Y no tinc cap ni os
And I don't have a bone to pick.
Què sóc?
What am I?
¿Es un ser vivo?
Is it a living being?
Pregunta, ¿es un ser vivo?
Question, is it a living being?
No, es un ser viu
No, it is a living being.
Entonces no puede tener ojos
So it can't have eyes.
Toma, això
Here, this.
Toño y torillo, vinga, va
Toño and Torillo, come on, let's go.
Es muy fácil
It's very easy.
Es una cosa muy fineta
It is a very fine thing.
El dit, aquest
The finger, this one.
¿Que serveix per què?
What is it used for?
No, el pene de un homo
No, the penis of a man.
¿Que serveix per què?
What is it used for?
Es una cosa muy fineta
It's a very fine thing.
Que serveix per cosir
What is used for sewing
Una agulla
A needle
¡Cullons!
Damn!
¡Muy bien!
Very good!
A la primera
At the first try.
Tinc cap ull i cos
I have a head, an eye, and a body.
Va, cap sí
Come on, of course.
L'ull
The eye
L'ull de l'agulla
The eye of the needle.
Ah, tinc cap
Ah, I have a headache.
Ull
Eye
No, però no és una agulla, és un alfiler
No, but it's not a needle, it's a pin.
No és una agulla perquè té ull
It is not a needle because it has an eye.
Un alfiler no té ull, no?
A pin doesn't have an eye, does it?
Però no té cap l'agulla
But it doesn't have the needle.
Això no és un cap
This is not a head.
El cap té el...
The head has the...
¿Cómo es diu alfiler en català?
How do you say pin in Catalan?
¿Sabes lo que pasa, Ortega?
Do you know what happens, Ortega?
Que yo me he preparado mucho
That I have prepared a lot.
¿Cómo se dice en catalán alfiler?
How do you say pin in Catalan?
Bueno, pues res
Well, then nothing.
¿No sabéis cómo...?
Don't you know how...?
¿Vengo yo a un sitio donde no se sabe cómo se dice alfiler?
Am I coming to a place where they don't know how to say pin?
Es el protagonista y ya está
He is the protagonist, and that's it.
Son la última merda
They are the last crap.
No, eso era meva
No, that was mine.
Gracias, Toñi
Thank you, Toñi.
Adiós, Toñi
Goodbye, Toñi.
¿Sabes lo que pasa?
Do you know what happens?
¿Qué?
What?
Me ha encantado la sección
I loved the section.
Pero es que me he pasado
But I've overdone it.
Yo te la di
I gave it to you.
Ay, se ha emocionado
Oh, she has gotten emotional.
No, que no pasa re
No, it's nothing.
¿Qué pasa? Voy contigo, te ayudo
What's going on? I'm coming with you, I'll help you.
No, que no pasa re, ya está
No, it's nothing, it's fine now.
¿Qué te pasa?
What’s wrong with you?
Hostia, encanta
Holy shit, I love it.
No, no, no, no, que...
No, no, no, no, that...
Cuídale, que estás al lado de él
Take care of him, as you are next to him.
Mímale
Pamper him/her.
Toñi, Toñi
Toñi, Toñi
Son molts días de curro
It's many days of work.
Toñi, sisplau
Toñi, please
Son moltes horas
It's been many hours.
Toñi, Toñi, Toñi
Toñi, Toñi, Toñi
He pensado
I have thought.
He dicho que no he ido a la casa
I said that I haven't gone to the house.
Para que luego te lo destrocemos así
So that then we can break it apart like this.
Me lo ha destrozado, pero...
It has destroyed me, but...
Son muchos días
It's been many days.
Muchas horas preparando
Many hours preparing.
Toñi, sisplau
Toñi, please.
¿Puedes ir a por la casa?
Can you go for the house?
Gracias
Thank you
Sí, me'n vaig
Yes, I'm leaving.
¡Taxi!
Taxi!
Sí, es molt bon tio
Yes, he is a very good guy.
Hay que decirle que se la ha currado mucho
You have to tell him that he really put in a lot of effort.
Ya hay mucha feina
There's already a lot of work.
No se hace en un momento esto, ¿eh?
This doesn't happen in a moment, you know?
No, no, no, no
No, no, no, no
A mí me ibas por posar yo a Juanraer
You were going to put me to Juanraer.
Y, hostia, aquest tio es molt bo
And, damn, this guy is really good.
Y tal
And so on.
Porque, perdona, David, tú
Because, excuse me, David, you
Sinceramente, ¿tú crees que esa persona que ha estado
Honestly, do you think that person who has been
Es otra persona diferente a ti?
Is it a different person from you?
La primera verdad, míreme a los ojos
The first truth, look me in the eyes.
¿Por supuesto?
Of course?
¿Estás convencido de que no eras tú?
Are you convinced that it wasn't you?
No, mai
No, never.
Pero es que tú, las tevas personas...
But it's just that you, your people...
No, es un actor
No, he is an actor.
Sí, es muy actor
Yes, he is very much an actor.
Bueno, yo si hago un personaje
Well, I do create a character.
Sé que soy yo haciendo un personaje
I know that it's me playing a character.
¿Tú crees que es otra persona diferente a ti
Do you think it is a different person from you?
El que ha estado aquí, no?
The one who has been here, right?
Evidentment
Obviously
El tio...
The guy...
No, no, no, quan prepara un personatge
No, no, no, when preparing a character.
Se'n va al zoo a buscar el seu animal
He/She is going to the zoo to look for his/her animal.
¿Qué diu?
What does it say?
Sí, el meu color, el meu...
Yes, my color, my...
Però, bueno, això m'ho va ensenyar Daniel Deilegne
But, well, Daniel Deilegne taught me this.
Daniel Deilegne
Daniel Deilegne
¿Lo conociste?
Did you meet him?
No, ni ganes
No, not in the mood.
Però et diré que
But I will tell you that
Sempre m'inspiro
I always find inspiration.
Amb Daniel Deilegne
With Daniel Deilegne
Que cosa no vull fer
What thing do I not want to do?
I miro-les a les pel·lis
I look at them in the movies.
Últimes personalitats
Last personalities
¿Quién és l'últim descobriment científic
Who is the latest scientific discovery?
Que t'ha volat al cap?
What has flown into your head?
Pues que es uno detrás de otro
Well, it's one after another.
Yo creo que
I believe that
Mira, se le ha dado el premio
Look, he/she has been awarded the prize.
Nobel hace...
Nobel does...
Lo sé, creo que dos años
I know, I think two years.
¿A quién, a quién, a quién?
Who, who, who?
A John Hayden
To John Hayden
Pues el de John Hayden
Well, the one by John Hayden.
Porque descubrió la...
Because he/she discovered the...
La metamorfosis de las arañas múltiples
The metamorphosis of multiple spiders.
Metamorfosis de las arañas múltiples
Metamorphosis of the multiple spiders
No, lo de la no localidad
No, the thing about the non-locality.
Es una cosa que me vuelve loco
It's something that drives me crazy.
La concepción de que el universo
The conception that the universe
La realidad que vemos
The reality that we see
No tiene nada que ver
It has nothing to do with it.
Es una sombra remota
It is a distant shadow.
De lo que la realidad es
Of what reality is
O sea,
In other words,
Creo que dentro de
I think that inside of
Veinte, treinta años
Twenty, thirty years
Llegará el que de verdad
The one who truly matters will arrive.
Será el gran descubrimiento
It will be the great discovery.
El nuevo Einstein
The new Einstein
El tío que mezcle la relatividad
The guy who mixes relativity.
Con lo cuántico
With the quantum.
Wow
Wow
Volvemos ahora a la cosa
We return now to the thing.
No, no, doncs hi ha una persona
No, no, there is a person.
Que està treballant amb això
Who is working on this?
Ah, sí? En fusionar la relatividad
Ah, yes? In merging relativity.
Con la mecànica cuántica?
With quantum mechanics?
Sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes
Està buscant la gran llei universal
He is searching for the great universal law.
Sí
Yes
Que unifiqui
Let it unify
Totes les forces de l'univers
All the forces of the universe
La teoria de la mecanica cuántica
The theory of quantum mechanics
La teoria del todo
The theory of everything
Sí, la nuclear fuerte, la nuclear débil
Yes, the strong nuclear, the weak nuclear.
La nuclear mediocre
The mediocre nuclear.
Tot, tot, tot
Everything, everything, everything
Sí, sí, sí, gravitones
Yes, yes, yes, gravitons
Bueno, bueno
Well, well.
Tienes un vocabulario, eh?
You have a vocabulary, huh?
Bóson de Higgs
Higgs boson
Molt bé, tienes un vocabulario
Very good, you have a vocabulary.
Tot, tot, tot, tot
Everything, everything, everything, everything.
I es diu Roger Bernús
And his name is Roger Bernús.
Roger Bernús
Roger Bernús
I donem la benvinguda
We welcome you.
A un dels científics més importants
To one of the most important scientists.
Del segle XXI
From the 21st century
Roger Bernús, benvingut
Roger Bernús, welcome.
I un gran divulgador
And a great communicator.
Sí, gran divulgador
Yes, great disseminator.
Exacto, exactament
Exactly, exactly.
Som...
We are...
Bueno
Good.
Com s'hi deien?
What were they called?
Totalment
Totally
No, no, no
No, no, no
Lo pensa moltes vegades
He thinks about it many times.
I he agafat un bat
I have caught a bat.
Te lo juro que lo he pensado
I swear to you that I have thought about it.
Lo he pensado muy montonaste veces
I've thought about it a lot of times.
¿Cómo estás?
How are you?
Bueno, no sé
Well, I don't know.
No, no, no
No, no, no
Pero...
But...
Sí, això que dius ja
Yes, what you say already.
¿Cómo ha vingut avui?
How have you come today?
No lo sé
I don't know.
Sí, avui també passa a vegades
Yes, it happens sometimes today too.
¿Cómo ha vingut avui?
How has it come today?
¿Cómo ha vingut?
How did you come?
¿En quin mitjà de transport?
By what means of transport?
En Gaust
In Gaust
¿Sí?
Yes?
Sí
Yes
¿Amb l'accelerador de...
With the accelerator of...
Sí, sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
La barbícula
The barbicule
La Neutron, sí
The Neutron, yes
Sí, qué bueno
Yes, how good.
Te veo bien
I see you well.
No, bueno
No, well.
A mí me va a bajar
I'm going to be let down.
Y...
And...
Bueno, la vida, la vida
Well, life, life.
Exacto, sí, sí, sí
Exactly, yes, yes, yes.
Que dices dónde vas a parar
What do you say, where are you going to end up?
Exacto
Exactly
Sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes.
Menos mal que alguien lo dice, tío
Thank goodness someone says it, dude.
Porque es lo típico que todos pensamos
Because it's what everyone typically thinks.
Pero que nadie se atreve a decirlo
But nobody dares to say it.
No, no, es muy valent
No, no, he is very brave.
Es muy valent
He is very brave.
Sí, sí
Yes, yes
És molt valent, molt valent
He is very brave, very brave.
És molt valent, és molt valent
He is very brave, he is very brave.
És molt valent, molt valent
He is very brave, very brave.
El que acaba de dir és...
What you just said is...
Vinga, vinga, vinga
Come on, come on, come on.
Vinga, el test
Come on, the test.
Ja ho he vingut
I've already come.
Com si...
As if...
Sí, no, ara
Yes, no, now.
Sense tal que diga
Without such a statement.
Quan...
When...
Ah, sí
Ah, yes.
Quan de la falsedat
When of the falsehood
Ja ho he dit
I've already said it.
Ara sí
Now yes
Mira, jo diria que el carisma
Look, I would say that charisma
És algo
It's something.
Que tu tens, per exemple
That you have, for example.
En la introducción a tu pregunta
In the introduction to your question.
Ja l'has comentat, no?
You have already mentioned it, right?
Algunos tenemos, has dicho
Some of us have, you said.
Otros no
Others not.
Yo me acojo
I take refuge.
A lo que has comentado
To what you have commented.
En la primera parte de la...
In the first part of the...
Es algo que tú tienes, por ejemplo
It's something that you have, for example.
Y poca gente
And few people.
Él también, Juarra
He too, Juarra.
También tiene carisma
He also has charisma.
Sí
Yes
Yo me...
I...
A veces lo tienes
Sometimes you have it.
A veces no, no siempre
Sometimes no, not always.
No, perdona
No, excuse me.
A veces puede parecer
Sometimes it may seem
Como que...
Like...
Dime
Tell me
Así con...
Thus with...
Bueno
Good.
Así con...
Thus with...
No toques, hombre
Don't touch, man.
Vale
Okay
Para mí
For me
Hay macarón
Oh macaroon!
Hay otro
There is another.
Sí, porque...
Yes, because...
Sí, no, no
Yes, no, no
Sí, no, claro que quiero
Yes, no, of course I want to.
Mira, yo te diría que
Look, I would tell you that
Me gusta porque es el típico plato de niños
I like it because it's the typical children's dish.
Macarrones
Macaroni
De niños de toda la vida
Children for life
Y yo me alimentaría con los típicos platos
And I would feed myself with the typical dishes.
Y le gustan los niños
And he/she likes children.
¿También te pasa a ti?
Does it happen to you too?
Sí, sí
Yes, yes
¿Verdad?
Right?
Porque la cocina así de vanguardia
Because the kitchen is so avant-garde.
¿Qué te parece a ti?
What do you think?
A mí la...
To me the...
Home
Home
Depende
It depends.
Home
Home
Sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes
Qué cabrón, tío
What a bastard, dude.
Esta pregunta
This question
Pero...
But...
Sí, sí, sí
Yes, yes, yes.
Es que es la típica cosa que queremos decir
It's just the typical thing we want to say.
Y no nos atrevemos
And we do not dare.
Y el tío, con la gracia con la que lo cuenta
And the guy, with the grace with which he tells it.
Y la claridad con la que lo dice
And the clarity with which he/she says it.
Es que es un gran observador, a més a més
It's that he is a great observer, furthermore.
Observa muy bien la realidad
Observe reality very carefully.
Y es capaz de hacer toda una...
And is capable of doing a whole...
Y cómo comunica de bien
And how well he communicates.
Con ese lenguaje sencillo, en el fondo
With that simple language, deep down
Palabras sencillas que todo el mundo no entendemos
Simple words that everyone doesn't understand.
Pero quirúrgico
But surgical
Sí, sí, sí, es pa-pa-pa-pa
Yes, yes, yes, it's pa-pa-pa-pa.
Tienes la pregunta, dime
You have the question, tell me.
Sí
Yes
Bueno, jo he de sopar
Well, I have to have dinner.
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa
Sí, va-sa-pa-pa-pa
Yes, go-go-go-go.
A moment
A moment
O-o-dé
O-o-dé
I entra pa' dins
And go inside.
Acabat
Finished.
I...
I...
Eta
Eta
I-i-i-i
I-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i
I-i-i-i-i
Però és que...
But it's that...
No, no
No, no.
En general
In general
Vale, vale
Okay, okay
Ja
Yes
Es difícil, porque cualquier cosa ideal,
It's difficult because any ideal thing,
o sea, las vacaciones ideales,
in other words, the ideal vacation,
serían para mí un pueblo con mucho silencio,
it would be for me a village with a lot of silence,
con naturaleza.
with nature.
Ah, ha de haber silencio.
Ah, there must be silence.
Sí, ha de haber, porque si no, hostia, me...
Yes, there must be, because if not, damn it, I...
A mí también.
Me too.
Sí, ¿también te gusta el silencio?
Yes, do you like silence too?
¿Qué ruido es el que más te molesta a ti?
What noise bothers you the most?
Ahora la difusión.
Now the dissemination.
Igual que a mí.
Just like me.
Esa...
That...
Sí, sí, la radial.
Yes, yes, the radial.
La radial, sí, sí, la radial.
The radial, yes, yes, the radial.
¿Y el sonido que más te gusta?
And what is the sound you like the most?
Sí, también sería lo mismo un poco.
Yes, it would also be a little the same.
Bueno, él lo dice como de coña un poco,
Well, he says it jokingly a bit,
pero sí, a mí también, sí.
but yes, me too, yes.
Es que a aquest so,
It's just that to this sound,
cuando dejas la nevera abierta,
when you leave the fridge open,
¿sabes?
Do you know?
El ruido blanco, ¿no?
The white noise, right?
El ruido blanco que dices.
The white noise you mentioned.
Es fantástico, es fantástico.
It's fantastic, it's fantastic.
Sí, es fantástico.
Yes, it's fantastic.
Bueno, engañado.
Well, deceived.
Gracias, señor Bernus.
Thank you, Mr. Bernus.
Igualment.
Likewise.
Aquí.
Here.
Adiós.
Goodbye.
Gracias, señor Bernus.
Thank you, Mr. Bernus.
Bueno, ha estat un plaer.
Well, it has been a pleasure.
Ah, ja està, no?
Ah, that's it, isn't it?
Sí, ha estat un plaer.
Yes, it has been a pleasure.
Oye, me ha encantado mucho este...
Hey, I really loved this...
Es molt curtet, eh?
It's very short, isn't it?
Només, abans...
Just, before...
Me ha dicho, un segundo, me ha dicho,
He told me, just a second, he told me,
¿eres molt curtet?
Are you quite slow?
No, no, que es molt curtet.
No, no, it's very short.
Es que pensaba que se estaba despidiendo de la entrevista
I thought he was saying goodbye to the interview.
y que su frase para despedir era
and that his farewell phrase was
«ets molt curtet, adéu».
"You are very short, goodbye."
Moltes gràcies per venir, «ets molt curtet».
Thank you very much for coming, "you're very slow."
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Seria molt curtet.
It would be very brief.
Molaría mucho después.
It would be really cool later.
Mira, en el hormiguero, eh?
Look, in the anthill, huh?
Viene un invitado y para el otro.
A guest is coming and for the other.
«Gracias por haber venido, eres un corto».
"Thank you for coming, you are a short."
Hostia, seria brutal, eh?
Damn, that would be awesome, right?
Insultar al oyente, al espectador.
Insulting the listener, the viewer.
No, volem acabar de bon rotllo.
No, we want to end on good terms.
Vale.
Okay.
I amb un somriure.
And with a smile.
M'ha encantat, Sara, aquí lo dic en sèrio, ara.
I loved it, Sara, I'm serious about this now.
Sois mis amigos, os quiero mucho.
You are my friends, I love you all very much.
De verdad.
Really.
Esto es fuera de la coña.
This is no joke.
Igualment.
Likewise.
Sois muy...
You are very...
Me hacéis reir mucho y esto es complicado.
You make me laugh a lot and this is complicated.
És recíproc.
It is reciprocal.
Gràcies.
Thank you.
Doncs per acabar de bon rotllo i amb un somriure,
So to finish on a good note and with a smile,
una última pregunta i un regal.
One last question and a gift.
Tu penses molt en la mort?
Do you think a lot about death?
Continuament.
Continuously.
Sí, tío.
Yes, dude.
No, de verdad, continuamente.
No, really, continuously.
Me jode mucho que esto acabe, que la vida se acabe, tío.
It really pisses me off that this ends, that life ends, dude.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Però...
But...
Bueno, saps que s'acabarà, no?
Well, you know it will end, right?
És la forma d'acabar en alto, no?
It's the way to end on a high note, isn't it?
Sí, perquè hem pensat regalar-te uns epitafis.
Yes, because we thought of gifting you some epitaphs.
Ho regalem sempre...
We always give it away...
Ai, sí, porfa!
Oh, yes, please!
Els convidats.
The guests.
Sí, sempre ho regalem als convidats.
Yes, we always give it to the guests as a gift.
Tenim uns epitafis perquè te'ls emportis a veure si t'agraden.
We have some epitaphs for you to take a look at to see if you like them.
Juan Carlos Ortega Moreno.
Juan Carlos Ortega Moreno.
No ploris per mi, estic amb Carl Sagan.
Don't cry for me, I am with Carl Sagan.
Hòstia, m'agraden molt.
Wow, I really like them.
Lo voy a poner en...
I'm going to put it in...
Bueno, hi ha més, eh? Has de mirar tots.
Well, there's more, you know? You have to look at all of them.
Ah, que hi ha més?
Ah, is there more?
Sí.
Yes.
Aquí descansen Juan Carlos Ortega i les 1.302 persones
Here rest Juan Carlos Ortega and the 1,302 people.
que duia dins, que duia dins.
that she carried inside, that she carried inside.
Mira les estrelles i diga'm, val la pena entrestir-se.
Look at the stars and tell me, is it worth it to be entwined?
Qué buen rollo acabar así una entrevista, ¿verdad?
What a good vibe to end an interview like this, right?
Con este recordatorio de que todos vamos a convertirnos en cipreses.
With this reminder that we are all going to become cypress trees.
Todos nos convertiremos en cipreses.
We will all become cypresses.
Gracias, gracias, gracias, Juan Carlos Ortega.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Juan Carlos Ortega.
Gracias, Juan Carlos.
Thank you, Juan Carlos.
Us estimo, us estimo.
I love you, I love you.
I el senyor Barnús encara no ha marxat, oi?
And Mr. Barnús still hasn't left, has he?
Ah, sí.
Ah, yes.
Bueno, el taxi està a punt d'arribar, però si ens pot dir qui vindrà al següent programa?
Well, the taxi is about to arrive, but can you tell us who will be coming to the next program?
Bueno, bueno.
Well, well.
Dilo, dilo.
Say it, say it.
Una persona.
A person.
Bueno.
Good.
Una persona.
A person.
Ah.
Ah.
Una persona.
A person.
Y un cabello.
And a hair.
Una persona.
One person.
Y una persona.
And a person.
Una persona.
A person.
És...
It is...
Hòstia, va venir?
Damn, did he come?
En sèrio?
Seriously?
Molt bé, Ortega, eh?
Very good, Ortega, huh?
Va.
Go.
Està molt bé.
It's very good.
Que sí, que estàs bé.
Yes, you are fine.
Ja s'ha estat molt bé.
It has been very good already.
Jo m'ho he passat molt bé.
I had a great time.
Sí, sí, t'ho he passat molt bé.
Yes, yes, I had a great time.
Sí, sí, molt bé.
Yes, yes, very good.
M'he divertit molt.
I had a lot of fun.
Sí.
Yes.
Ui, que guai, l'Ortega.
Wow, how cool, Ortega.
Una cosa...
One thing...
Estaves enfadat abans de debò o et...
Were you really angry before or were you...
Estaves enfadat abans de debò?
Were you really angry before?
No, no estava enfadat ni estic enfadat.
No, I was not angry nor am I angry.
M'ho estic passant molt bé.
I am having a lot of fun.
Vale, com estàs més...
Okay, how are you more...
No, estic més...
No, I am more...
Estic bé.
I am fine.
Tens un perfil més baix.
You have a lower profile.
Ja està.
That's it.
Què hem de fer, ara?
What should we do now?
Res, estem sortint els crèdits i tu i jo parlem una estona i ja està.
Nothing, we are finishing the credits and you and I will talk for a while and that's it.
Però estàs enfadat o no?
But are you angry or not?
Una estona i ja està, que no m'he enfadat.
Just a moment and that's it, I'm not angry.
Però sembla que estiguis enfadat.
But it seems like you are angry.
Que no m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
No m'he enfadat, Juanra.
I haven't gotten angry, Juanra.
No me, eh, eh, eh.
Not me, eh, eh, eh.
No, no, me, no me, eh.
No, no, me, not me, eh.
No me, eh.
Not me, huh.
No m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
No me, eh, eh.
Not me, eh, eh.
No m'he, no m'he, no m'he enfadat.
I haven't, I haven't, I haven't gotten angry.
No m'he, no m'he, no m'he.
I haven't, I haven't, I haven't.
Però hi ha un apòstrof.
But there is an apostrophe.
No és no m'he, m'he, eh, eh enfadat.
No, I haven't, I haven't, eh, eh gotten angry.
És no m'he enfadat, no m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry, I haven't gotten angry.
Com és?
How is it?
No m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
És una M, apòstrof.
It's an M, apostrophe.
H, E, no m'he enfadat.
H, E, I'm not angry.
I després, com enfadat, comença amb una E
And then, as if angry, it starts with an E.
i acaba amb la E de me,
and ends with the E of me,
pot fer com una...
it can do like a...
No sé com es diu en català, però aquesta ja és sinalefa.
I don't know how to say it in Catalan, but this is already synalepha.
Llavors està com no m'he enfadat, no m'he enfadat.
So it’s like I’m not angry, I’m not angry.
No m'he enfadat.
I am not angry.
Sinalefa, sinalefa.
Sinalefa, sinalefa.
Però si estàs enfadat, has de dir no m'he enfadat.
But if you're angry, you have to say I'm not angry.
Però si no estàs enfadat, és no m'he enfadat.
But if you're not angry, then I'm not angry.
No m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
Llavors no estàs enfadat.
So you're not angry.
No m'he enfadat és...
I’m not angry, it's...
O sigui, no m'he enfadat.
So, I haven't gotten angry.
Així sembla una mica enfadat.
He seems a bit angry.
Sí, però així sembla una mica.
Yes, but it seems a bit like that.
Això vol dir que estàs enfadat.
This means that you are angry.
No m'he enfadat.
I am not angry.
Això sembla agressiu, passiu, que sí que estàs enfadat.
This seems aggressive, passive, that yes you are angry.
No m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
No t'has enfadat.
You haven't gotten angry.
Perdó.
Sorry.
No m'he enfadat.
I haven't gotten angry.
Vale, ha begut.
Okay, he has drunk.
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