"Jugada Mestra" - Coolhunters (capítol 13)

M'ha pillat el toro.

I've been caught out.

M'encanta pensar que t'aplaudien per com et netejaves les ulleres.

I love to think that they applauded you for how you cleaned your glasses.

És que me les netejo molt bé, eh? Molt bé, molt bé.

It's just that I clean them very well, huh? Very well, very well.

En fi, benvingudes i benvinguts al Teatreneu de Barcelona,

Well, welcome to the Teatreneu in Barcelona,

en rigorós fals directe, això és Juga de Mestre,

In strict false direct, this is Juga de Mestre,

el podcast de TV3.

the TV3 podcast.

Què tal, Xarri Pí, com estàs? Molt bé, aquí estem, un altre cop.

How are you, Xarri Pí, how are you? Very well, here we are, once again.

Aquí estem. Aquí estem.

Here we are. Here we are.

Als Afores de TV3. Hi ha molt, estar aquí.

In the outskirts of TV3. There's a lot to be here.

Hi ha molt. Estar aquí, avui, aquí i ara, és molt.

There is a lot. Being here, today, here and now, is a lot.

A fora fa molt de fred, diuen. Sí.

It's very cold outside, they say. Yes.

No sé què vol dir això, perquè fa calor, avui, però...

I don't know what that means, because it's hot today, but...

Això és una frase que es diu molt quan algú vol canviar de feina.

This is a phrase that is often said when someone wants to change jobs.

Avui diuen que a fora fa molt de fred.

Today they say that it's very cold outside.

Sí, per cagar-te una mica, eh? On aniràs?

Yes, to freak you out a bit, huh? Where will you go?

Passaràs gana. Sí.

You will be hungry. Yes.

On et pagaran amb més visibilitat que aquí?

Will they pay you with more visibility than here?

T'estàs equivocant, t'estàs equivocant.

You are mistaken, you are mistaken.

Quan un jefe et diu que t'estàs equivocant...

When a boss tells you that you are making a mistake...

És que has de marxar d'allà, has de marxar ràpid.

You have to leave there, you have to leave quickly.

Sí, sí. Doncs vinga, som-hi.

Yes, yes. So come on, let's go.

Avui tenim un programa d'aquells especials, eh?

Today we have one of those special programs, huh?

Ja ho veureu, que per aquí aquests dies ha passat gent.

You'll see, there have been people around here these days.

Ha passat gent. Ha passat gent, gent interessant, com sempre.

People have come and gone. Interesting people have come, as always.

Ho hem empaquetat i ho entreguem així, amb un llacet ben posat.

We have wrapped it up and we deliver it like this, with a nice bow on it.

Però abans, jugades mestres.

But first, master plays.

Ja ho sabeu, cadascú a explicar la seva jugada mestra.

You already know, everyone explaining their master move.

I al final el públic s'obrirà,

And in the end, the audience will open up,

i es decideix quina és la que més li agrada.

and it is decided which one he/she likes the most.

De poc que tenim, s'obrirà, eh? És de poc.

From the little we have, it will open up, right? It's just a little.

Si tenim una cosa sobirana, és el públic del Teatreneu.

If we have one sovereign thing, it is the audience of the Teatreneu.

Per ser sobirans, avui. Vigileu, vigileu.

To be sovereigns, today. Watch out, watch out.

Avui la meva jugada mestra és en solidaritat amb el món del teatre,

Today my master move is in solidarity with the world of theater,

perquè sabeu que ja estan passant moments una mica xungos.

because you know that things are already getting a bit tough.

Estan passant fred. Estan passant fred.

They are feeling cold. They are feeling cold.

Fa molt de fred a dins, dels teatres, també.

It is very cold inside, in the theaters as well.

I alguns d'ells tenen molts problemes.

And some of them have a lot of problems.

Estic parlant que el Mago Pop està fent una obra de teatre.

I am saying that Mago Pop is performing a play.

Uf! I això és fotut.

Phew! And that's tough.

Però el teu està petant, el Mago Pop.

But yours is bursting, the Mago Pop.

I he pensat que a mi no m'agrada la màgia,

And I have thought that I don't like magic,

però si hi ha diners, canvio d'opinió ràpid.

but if there is money, I change my mind quickly.

Sí? Sí.

Yes? Yes.

I aleshores he pensat en fer el meu propi xou de màgia,

And then I thought about doing my own magic show,

imitant el Mago Pop, però amb el que sé fer jo,

imitating the Mago Pop, but with what I know how to do,

i he creat el xou del Demagogo Pop.

I have created the Demagogue Pop show.

El Demagogo Pop. El Demagogo Pop.

The Pop Demagogue. The Pop Demagogue.

I...

I...

Demagogo Pop.

Demagogue Pop.

Un truc de màgia acollonant.

An amazing magic trick.

Jo no s'ha vist mai a la televisió, i a internet, tampoc.

I have never been seen on television, and on the internet, neither.

Farà el que ho serà.

He will do what he will be.

Tampoc s'haurà vist mai la setmana que ve, perquè es veu internet, això.

You also won't see each other next week, because you see the internet, that's it.

Correcte. I faràs allò que fas amb les mans?

Correct. And will you do what you do with your hands?

Faré allò de... Sí, sí, exacte.

I will do that... Yes, yes, exactly.

I acabaré, com cansat, faré així de...

And I will finish, as tired, I will do like this...

No em moure, però m'agrada molt acabar...

I won't move, but I really like to finish...

Amb un somriure de... Sí, sí, sí.

With a smile of... Yes, yes, yes.

Molt bé. Faig el truc de màgia.

Very well. I’m doing the magic trick.

Sisplau.

Please.

Faria... Recordeu, eh?, soc el Demagogo Pop.

I would... Remember, okay?, I am the Pop Demagogue.

Demagogo Pop.

Demagogue Pop.

Faria entrar a una hostessa, però, clar,

I would have a hostess come in, but, of course,

per les retallades, eh?, Demagogia.

because of the cuts, huh?, Demagoguery.

Sí.

Yes.

Trucs ràpid.

Quick tricks.

I Masclinomopop, també, una mica. Masclinomagopop.

I Masclinomopop, too, a little. Masclinomagopop.

Masclinomagopop.

Masclinomagopop.

T'has perdut el primer truc, ja, Carles.

You've missed the first trick, already, Carles.

No l'has ni vist, el primer truc. Com ho ha fet? Com ho ha fet?

You haven't even seen it, the first trick. How did he do it? How did he do it?

Vindrà Demagogia quan menys t'ho esperis, eh?

Demagogy will come when you least expect it, huh?

Vaig a fer el truc de màgia, ja hem parlat tu i jo, abans,

I'm going to do the magic trick, we've already talked, you and I, before.

de sobre del truc de màgia.

about the magic trick.

No parlem perquè estàs tot el dia amb el mòbil

We don't talk because you're on your phone all day.

i ja no et comuniques Demagogia.

And you no longer communicate Demagogy.

No ho heu vist, no ho heu vist venir.

You haven't seen it, you haven't seen it coming.

D'acord, mira, tinc una mica d'atrezzo,

Okay, look, I have a bit of equipment,

m'han donat unes cartes.

They have given me some letters.

Estan tancades? Vull que les obris.

Are they closed? I want you to open them.

No me l'esperava, aquest.

I wasn't expecting this one.

No, no, veus? No t'ho esperaves perquè Internet t'està entuntant.

No, no, see? You weren't expecting it because the Internet is dulling you.

Demagogia! Demagogia.

Demagogy! Demagogy.

No pots parar de fer trucs.

You can't stop doing tricks.

Sí, sí, sí. És una baralla espanyola.

Yes, yes, yes. It's a Spanish deck of cards.

Espanyola.

Spanish.

Potser hi ha coses catalanes a dir, perquè Espanya ens roba!

Maybe there are Catalan things to say because Spain is robbing us!

Demagogia. Bueno, aquesta no era...

Demagoguery. Well, this wasn't...

Sí, sí. M'està agradant, eh?

Yes, yes. I'm liking it, you know?

M'haig de girar un munt de Demagogia, aquest.

I have to turn on a lot of demagogy, this one.

La que acabes d'obrir, jo ara em giraré,

The one you just opened, I will now turn around.

i vull que triïs una carta, la que tu vulguis, i l'ensenyis al públic.

I want you to choose a card, whichever you want, and show it to the audience.

Jo no miraré, tot i que sé que hi ha un monitor i ho podria mirar,

I won't look, even though I know there's a screen and I could look at it,

però no ho faré. No sóc aquest tipus de mag.

But I won't do it. I'm not that kind of magician.

Espera't, espera't, és que... Aquesta em va bé?

Wait, wait, does this one work for me?

Vinga, aquesta.

Come on, this one.

La veieu, tothom? Ho heu vist tots?

Do you see it, everyone? Have you all seen it?

Molt bé. Jo, sense mirar-la, trenca la carta.

Very well. I, without looking at it, break the letter.

La trenco? Sí, sí, sí. Segur? L'estripo?

Should I break it? Yes, yes, yes. Are you sure? Should I tear it?

Sí, sí. L'estripes... Sí?

Yes, yes. The stripes... Yes?

I quan acabis, li tires a la Charlie a la cara.

And when you're done, you throw it in Charlie's face.

Home! Amb carinyo.

Home! With love.

Tira'm a la cara, que fa molts dies que no em tiren res a la cara.

Throw it in my face, it's been many days since anyone has thrown anything in my face.

Com consentiment, eh?

With consent, right?

Sí? Ho has fet? Un moment, un moment.

Yes? Have you done it? One moment, one moment.

Consentiment total. Vinga, va.

Total consent. Come on, let's go.

Uau.

Wow.

Jo fa molt de temps que no tiro res a la cara de ningú, també.

I haven't thrown anything in anyone's face for a long time either.

S'ha notat, s'ha notat.

It's been noticed, it's been noticed.

Jo no he vist... Vosaltres heu vist la carta, que era?

I haven't seen... Have you seen the letter, what was it?

Jo no he vist res. No.

I haven't seen anything. No.

I el truc final del Demagogo Pop és...

And the final trick of the Demagogue Pop is...

Jo tinc un paperet a una butxaca.

I have a little piece of paper in my pocket.

No fotis. Sí.

No way. Yes.

No escris res. No sé quin dels dos estàs tu buscant.

Don't write anything. I don't know which of the two you are looking for.

Toca el meu cul, una mica, que fa temps que no em toques.

Touch my ass a little, it’s been a while since you’ve touched me.

Aquest podcast està derivant en...

This podcast is diverging into...

Quin record... Aquest.

What a record... This one.

Ara, vull que l'obris, tots teniu la carta al cap,

Now, I want you to open it, you all have the letter in mind,

i llegeixis, aviam si correspon...

and read it, let's see if it corresponds...

La mateixa que hagués triat Hitler.

The same one that Hitler would have chosen.

Demagògia! Demagogo Pop!

Demagogy! Pop demagogue!

La mateixa carta que hagués triat Hitler.

The same letter that Hitler would have chosen.

I amb cors, eh? Al voltant de Hitler no està...

And with hearts, huh? Around Hitler is not...

Però bé, funciona, no? Està molt bé.

But well, it works, right? It's very good.

Està molt bé. Demagògia. Demagògia.

It's very good. Demagogy. Demagogy.

Jugada mestra! Jugada mestra!

Master move! Master move!

Vols que demanem el pressupost?

Do you want us to ask for the budget?

M'agrada la mateixa cua que hi ha per entrar al Mago Pop,

I like the same queue that there is to enter Mago Pop,

com el teu teatre.

like your theater.

Només falta que inhalis una mica d'heli,

You just need to inhale a bit of helium,

per semblar-te una mica al Mago Pop, també.

to seem a bit like the Mago Pop to you, too.

I comprar-te un teatre. I comprar-te un teatre.

I will buy you a theater. I will buy you a theater.

Però igual aquest... I ser amic d'Antonio Banderas.

But still this... And being friends with Antonio Banderas.

I tenir talent, una mica.

I have some talent.

Ser baixet. Ser baixet.

Being short. Being short.

Ser baixet i fer trucs...

Being short and doing tricks...

És igual.

It doesn't matter.

Molt bé. No, no.

Very well. No, no.

Copiar-los. Bàsicament, copiar-los, els altres mags.

Copy them. Basically, copy them, the other wizards.

A veure, jo no em posaré en un mag, eh? Jo no m'hi ficaré.

Let's see, I'm not going to get involved with a magician, okay? I'm not going to get into it.

Si ve a denunciar algú, que sigui en tu, Tomàs.

If someone is coming to report someone, let it be you, Tomàs.

Aviam si desapareixes.

Let's see if you disappear.

No, cap altre mag ha de denunciar, no crec que ho faci.

No, no other magician has to report it, I don't think he will.

Prou, prou. Prou.

Enough, enough. Enough.

Vinga, Charlie, el teu torna. Ara sí.

Come on, Charlie, your turn. Now yes.

Jo porto una altra cosa totalment diferent al Mago Pop.

I bring another totally different thing to the Mago Pop.

Els nens tenen el Club Super3.

The children have the Super3 Club.

I tothom sempre pensa en els nens, però ningú pensa en els iaios.

And everyone always thinks of the children, but no one thinks of the grandparents.

I a mi m'encanten els iaios. I no tenen el seu Club Super3.

And I love grandparents. And they don't have their Super3 Club.

Llavors he creat el seu Club 93.

Then he created his Club 93.

Ah.

Ah.

El Club Super93.

The Super93 Club.

Està molt guai, el Club.

The Club is really cool.

Club Super93. L'he fet jo, eh? És original, el meu.

Club Super93. I made it, okay? It's original, mine.

Bueno, original, li has posat un nou.

Well, original, you have put a new one on it.

Que no, que no.

No, no.

Llavors, ara, el Club Super93, què s'hi pot veure?

So, now, what can you see at Club Super93?

S'hi podrà veure sèries com xinxant,

You will be able to watch series like "xinxant."

però en comptes d'un nen verd, serà un vell verd,

but instead of a green child, it will be an old green man,

que no s'ha vist mai, això, saps?

that has never been seen, you know?

No existeix.

It does not exist.

I l'únic que passa...

And the only thing that happens...

en el Club Super93 és que no podrà fer el trompa-trompa,

in the Club Super93 you won't be able to do the trompa-trompa,

perquè té tanta panxa tan gorda que no es veu els ous, saps?

because he has such a big belly that you can't see his balls, you know?

Ai, ai, ai, ai.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

No pot fer el trompa-trompa, però bueno...

He can't be a show-off, but well...

I que igual el que fa d'orelles és més llarg que la trompa.

And maybe the one who has ears is longer than the trunk.

Exactament. Bueno, seria un elefant, també, no?, d'alguna manera.

Exactly. Well, it would be an elephant, too, right?, in a way.

Sí. Bueno, no sé si ens hem entès, és igual.

Yes. Well, I don't know if we understood each other, it doesn't matter.

No, que als iaios li cauen els ous.

No, because the grandpas are losing their eggs.

Sí, vale, vale.

Yes, okay, okay.

És ciència. Estic parlant de ciència.

It's science. I'm talking about science.

No passa res, és gravetat, la gravetat.

It's nothing, it's gravity, gravity.

Segon, també hi hauria el gat i gos, recordeu, gat i gos?

Second, there would also be the cat and dog, remember, cat and dog?

Gat i gos. Gat i gos, gat i gos.

Cat and dog. Cat and dog, cat and dog.

Se n'aniran iguals, però, mira, però amb una mica més vells, vale?

They will leave the same, but, look, just a bit older, okay?

Ah, està guai!

Ah, it's cool!

Llavors, van amb el bastó, que se'l van passant l'un a l'altre,

Then, they go with the stick, which they pass to each other.

i totes les aventures que viuen és anar a mirar les obres del centre,

and all the adventures they experience involve going to see the works in the center,

saps?, entre que van i tornen ja passa tot el capítol.

You know?, between coming and going, the whole chapter goes by.

També es fan caca a sobre, no? Exacte.

They also poop themselves, right? Exactly.

Bueno, complicat, eh?, no...

Well, complicated, huh?, no...

No sé com li surt per la boca de l'altre.

I don't know how it comes out of the other person's mouth.

No ho hauríem pensat mai, això. No, ni problemes de pròstata, tampoc.

We would have never thought that. No, nor prostate problems either.

El clàssic, no?, Bola de Drac Zeta, no?

The classic, right? Dragon Ball Z, right?

Però en comptes de Bola de Drac Zeta, serà Bola de Drac Zzzzzzzzz.

But instead of Dragon Ball Z, it will be Dragon Ball Zzzzzzzzz.

Perquè quan acabi la careta ja s'hauran adormit tots els gaios.

Because when the curtain ends, all the seagulls will have fallen asleep.

Tothom sap. És així.

Everyone knows. It is that way.

Club Super 93! Bum! Jugada mestra!

Super Club 93! Boom! Master move!

Sí.

Yes.

Una cosa complicada, si es fa al Club Super 3 de gent gran,

A complicated thing, if it is done at the Club Super 3 for seniors,

és la cançó.

It is the song.

A la una, a les dues, a les 74, a les 85...

At one o'clock, at two o'clock, at seventy-four, at eighty-five...

Pot ser complicat.

It can be complicated.

Segons l'edat que tinguis...

According to your age...

Per molts... Bé, en un any més...

For many... Well, in one more year...

Pels anys que siguin.

For the years that they may be.

En un any més, sí. No cal que en siguin molts més.

In one more year, yes. It doesn't need to be many more.

Però felicitats.

But congratulations.

És aquí un petó a la gent gran que ens escolta podcast.

Here’s a kiss to the elderly who listen to our podcast.

Alguna hi haurà, alguna hi haurà. Som ja jo fredlis, som ja jo fredlis, aquí.

There will be some, there will be some. We are already cold, we are already cold, here.

Doncs jo tinc una altra jugada mestra dedicada a Manel.

Well, I have another master move dedicated to Manel.

Ho sona, Manel? Ai, que em fas patir, eh?

Does it ring a bell, Manel? Oh, you're making me worry, huh?

Manel... La Xarxa és molt fan de Manel.

Manel... The Network is a big fan of Manel.

A veure, eh? Que han vingut els Manel?

Let's see, huh? Have the Manel come?

Que m'has portat els Manel?

What have you brought me, Manel?

Ho he intentat, però no poden. Estan molt ocupats, molant molt fort.

I have tried, but they can't. They are very busy, making a lot of noise.

No podem, estem molant. Estan molt ocupats, no venint, aquí.

We can't, we're bothering. They are very busy, not coming, here.

Estan molt ocupats, no venint. Estan molt ocupats, no venint.

They are very busy, not coming. They are very busy, not coming.

Doncs bé, no, que... A veure.

Well, no, that... Let's see.

A veure, estarem d'acord que tot el que fa Manel està molt bé,

Let's see, we will agree that everything Manel does is very good,

i a tots ens agrada molt. No puc estar més d'acord.

And we all like it very much. I couldn't agree more.

Però també... A mi més.

But also... More for me.

Estarem d'acord que avui dia podrien agafar el Guillem Gisbert

We would agree that nowadays they could take Guillem Gisbert.

i s'empleja el soroll d'un rentaplats

and the noise of a dishwasher is used.

i li donaríem la creu de Sant Jordi igualment.

and we would award him the Cross of Saint George anyway.

Home, és que ho faria molt bé. És que ningú ho faria com Guillem Gisbert.

At home, he would do it very well. No one would do it like Guillem Gisbert.

Exacte. I a més a més, ens calen ídols a Catalunya.

Exactly. And furthermore, we need idols in Catalonia.

Què coi?

What the hell?

Amb uns vinagreros, al final.

With some vinegar holders, in the end.

Llavors, què he fet? Els he dedicat una cançó.

So, what have I done? I dedicated a song to them.

Els he dedicat una cançó als Manel. No cal.

I dedicated a song to Manel. It's not necessary.

Tu, tornes a cantar. Carles, tornes a cantar.

You, you sing again. Carles, you sing again.

No, Carles, no.

No, Carles, no.

Carles, no, tio, que amb la Moreneta ja la vam liar.

Carles, no, man, we already made a mess with the Moreneta.

Ja, ja. No ho faré...

Yeah, yeah. I won't do it...

Em vas prometre que no tornaries a fer una cosa així.

You promised me that you wouldn't do something like that again.

I si hi ha alguna cosa més respectat que la Moreneta són els Manel.

And if there is anything more respected than the Moreneta, it is the Manel.

No ho facis. La Morenet-Manel, per sobre.

Don't do it. Morenet-Manel, above.

Claríssimament. Exacte, sí, sí.

Absolutely clear. Exactly, yes, yes.

Estan els amb el Lleurigen, no?, la Moreneta...

They are with the Lleurigen, right? The Moreneta...

I hi ha, per sobre, el Manel.

And there is, above, Manel.

Vés amb compte, que aquí pot haver violència.

Be careful, there may be violence here.

No m'he atrevit, no m'he atrevit.

I haven't dared, I haven't dared.

Només he fet la lletra...

I've only done the lyrics...

La gent sortirà a cremar contenidors un altre cop.

People will go out to burn containers again.

Sí, amb raó, hi ha raó. No m'he atrevit...

Yes, rightly so, there is reason. I haven't dared...

A més, no em surt bé el fa, no em surt bé.

Moreover, I can't seem to get the F sharp right, I can't get it right.

Messageeta no em surt massa bé.

The message doesn't come out very well for me.

I he trucat un músic professional perquè...

I have called a professional musician because...

Un d'ells. Un d'ells, tant de bo.

One of them. One of them, I wish.

Ai, jolín.

Oh, dear.

Quin que llege ara fa el músic professional que hagis trucat.

Which musician are you calling now?

No em fot que tenia més a prop.

Don't tell me I had it closer.

Llavors jo he fet la lletra i li he dit...

Then I wrote the lyrics and told him...

És el meu germà. Ah, molt bé.

He is my brother. Ah, very good.

És el meu germà. Nepotisme.

He is my brother. Nepotism.

Canta com tu, també? No, ell ha estudiat.

Do you sing like you? No, he has studied.

Ah, perfecte.

Ah, perfect.

Jo, el de la dutxa, no... Ell té estudis.

Me, the one from the shower, no... He has studies.

Perfecte. I li surt el fa.

Perfect. And it shows on the face.

Però ha estudiat música o ha estudiat mates?

But has he studied music or has he studied math?

Perquè, clar, pots tenir estudi de mates i...

Because, of course, you can have a math study and...

No, no, no, que ha anat a llocs.

No, no, no, he's gone to places.

I s'ha drogat i tot, com el músic.

He has drugged himself and everything, like the musician.

Ah, vale, vale, joder, haver-ho dit abans.

Ah, okay, okay, damn, you should have said so earlier.

Et convaliden, et convaliden.

They validate you, they validate you.

Clar, valida.

Of course, valid.

Doncs vinga, un aplaudiment pel Marc. Vinga, va.

Well then, a round of applause for Marc. Come on, let's go.

Un aplaudiment pel Marc.

A round of applause for Marc.

Què tal? Com està? Hola.

How are you? How is he/she? Hello.

Hòstia, teniu una retirada. Sí, sí.

Damn, you have a resemblance. Yes, yes.

Ara queda al descobert el treball de perruqueria que em fan a mi,

Now the hairdressing work they do on me is revealed,

perquè compartim el niu de cigonyes.

because we share the stork's nest.

Sí, sí, sí, un pelazo, Marc.

Yes, yes, yes, great hair, Marc.

Doncs res, hem escrit això, jo vull ser com els Manel, no, Marc?

Well, nothing, we wrote this, I want to be like the Manel, right, Marc?

Explica-ho tu millor, que ho explicaràs millor.

You explain it better, as you will explain it better.

Sí, perquè hem de buscar la fórmula de l'èxit, no?

Yes, because we need to find the formula for success, right?

I crec que...

I believe that...

En una d'elles hi ha el rumor

In one of them, there is the rumor.

que diuen que va molt bé per petar-ho en un grup de música,

they say it's great for breaking it in a music group,

que és tenir un parent atractiu.

what it is to have an attractive relative.

Sí, però això no és TV3.

Yes, but this is not TV3.

Llavors, jo tinc un germà, però això no és TV3.

So, I have a brother, but this is not TV3.

Llavors, aquesta fórmula... Aquí no està en plantilla.

So, this formula... It's not in the template here.

La descarto bastant, perquè no tens drets laborals gaires, no?

I discount it quite a bit, because you don't have many labor rights, do you?

Deu ser autònom, tu.

You must be self-employed, you.

Llavors, l'altra és copiar un grup.

Then, the other is to copy a group.

Llavors, dius, ostres, podria copiar el petit de Calaril.

Then you say, wow, I could copy the little one from Calaril.

Però això jo ho faran pelau.

But I'll do that later.

Si sapiguessis dir el nom, podries.

If you knew how to say the name, you could.

És una assignatura pendent que tinc, sí, sí.

It's a pending subject I have, yes, yes.

No l'apreteu, que després...

Don't squeeze it, or else...

No l'apreteu les ungles pel germà, eh?

Don't claw at the brother, okay?

No, no, no, sí. Està bé, està bé.

No, no, no, yes. It's fine, it's fine.

I clar, no pots copiar-lo, perquè ja ho fan, això.

Of course, you can't copy it, because they already do that.

Ja ho fa el Ferran Palau.

Ferran Palau is already doing it.

Llavors, hem de copiar Manel, però hem de copiar els primers Manel.

So, we have to copy Manel, but we have to copy the first Manels.

Perquè ara han canviat tant que no s'assemblen als dels primers discos.

Because now they have changed so much that they don't resemble those from the first albums.

Ja. Sí.

Yes.

Hi ha molta gent que els va deixar d'escoltar després dels primers discos.

There are many people who stopped listening to them after the first albums.

Jo no, perquè a mi m'agraden, eh?

Not me, because I like them, okay?

Home, és que la gent que no en té ni puta idea,

Dude, it’s just that people who don’t have a clue,

la gent que els ha deixat d'escoltar, és evolució.

The people who have stopped listening to them is evolution.

És evolució. Clar, clar.

It's evolution. Of course, of course.

És el periodisme musical, no? És una crítica...

It's music journalism, right? It's a critique...

No en té ni puta idea. El rock de luxe, treballa...

He doesn't have a clue. The deluxe rock, work...

Home, és que un dels membres més estimats de Manel era l'Ukelele.

At home, one of Manel's most beloved members was the Ukulele.

Exacte. Els troba a faltar, l'Ukelele.

Exactly. The Ukulele misses them.

Però bueno, estan fent temazos.

But well, they are making great tracks.

I res, hem preparat aquesta cançó que es diu...

And nothing, we have prepared this song that is called...

Vull ser com els Manel.

I want to be like the Manel.

Ho sembla? Sí, muntem aquí el tinglado.

Does it seem like it? Yes, let's set up the scene here.

Doncs vinga, muntem el tinglado...

So let's set up the scene...

i escoltem...

and we listen...

Jo vull ser com els Manel.

I want to be like Manel.

Gràcies, Gigi. Què tal? Tot bé per casa?

Thank you, Gigi. How are you? Everything fine at home?

Un aplaudiment pel Gigi, sisplau.

A round of applause for Gigi, please.

Sí, un aplaudiment.

Yes, a round of applause.

El Gigi, un senyor que ja va vermell abans que l'aplaudiu.

The Gigi, a man who turns red before you applaud him.

Imagina't si l'aplaudiu.

Imagine if you applaud it.

Sí, sí, t'has posat molt vermell.

Yes, yes, you have turned very red.

Ai, que explota. Fa vergonya.

Oh, it's exploding. It's embarrassing.

No, jo soc així com la Heidi.

No, I am like Heidi.

Orfa, vols dir?

Orphan, do you mean?

Sense pares.

Without parents.

Doncs vinga, som-hi.

Alright, let's go.

Parodi amb els Manel versionant l'estil dels primers Manel.

Parody with Manel covering the style of the early Manel.

A veure, va, parodi amb els Manel amb...

Let's see, come on, parody with Manel with...

Jo vull ser com els Manel. Endavant.

I want to be like Manel. Go ahead.

Avui no és el meu aniversari, però he demanat un desig,

Today is not my birthday, but I made a wish.

però m'han regalat un forro polar queigua.

but they gave me a Quechua fleece.

I, clar, assemblo el cantant de búhos.

I, of course, resemble the singer of owls.

Jo... és que això a mi em queda una mica malament.

Well... it just doesn't suit me very well.

Adela, jo no vull fer petxanga.

Adela, I don't want to mess around.

Jo vull ser com els Manel.

I want to be like Manel.

He pensat que vull canviar de veu.

I have thought that I want to change my voice.

Deu ser l'hora de la meva vida.

It must be the hour of my life.

Ja ho veureu, ara tots m'estimaran.

You'll see, now everyone will love me.

Em deixaré barba de dos o tres dies

I will grow a two or three-day beard.

i faré la veu greu de mascle dominant.

I will do the deep voice of a dominant male.

Trauré cingles com xurros a la Babala

I'll take cliffs out like churros at the Babala.

i així has de vindre'l, ser tan gana català.

And so you have to come, being such a hungry Catalan.

Seré modern, sense tatús ni xàndal.

I will be modern, without tattoos or tracksuits.

Seduiré donzelles amb ulleres de pas.

I will seduce maidens with sunglasses.

I ara ve un pont que és molt manel, que fa...

And now comes a bridge that is very Manel, which makes...

És molt manel, eh?

It's very manel, isn't it?

Que els meus fans puguin demanar festa

That my fans can request a party.

per saber-se de cap a peus la lletra.

to know the lyrics from top to bottom.

Seré molt tímid a les entrevistes,

I will be very shy in the interviews.

se'ls caurà la bava a crítics i periodistes.

They will be drooling over critics and journalists.

Podria fer poesia de les teves llaganyes

I could make poetry out of your lullabies.

i cantant en català tindré fans

And singing in Catalan, I will have fans.

per les espanyes.

for the Spaniards.

Seré modern, sense tatús ni xàndal.

I will be modern, without tattoos or tracksuits.

Seduiré donzelles a mulleres de pasta.

I will seduce maidens to women of dough.

Conquerir Catalunya i després el món per parts.

Conquer Catalunya and then the world piece by piece.

Batre'm en un duel a mort amb els amics de les arts.

Fight me in a death match with the friends of the arts.

I si no ho peta, potser que ens passéssim el trap.

And if it doesn't blow up, maybe we should pass the trap.

Un moment, com vent crida, pel pic de S様

One moment, as the wind calls, by the peak of S様

standing on theimmer van.

standing on the immer van.

El tema d'avui és una mica многar,

The topic of today is a bit многар.

ahir vam parlant de Aquest JJ.

Yesterday we were talking about this JJ.

A l'epoca que va passar això...

At the time this happened...

Vaig dir que lebihia elberish, a Hola dice.

I said I would prefer elberish, to Hola it says.

Sí.

Yes.

Solon.

Solon.

Moltes gràcies.

Thank you very much.

Gràcies.

Thank you.

És una cosa de molt fer visiona.

It is something very visionary.

I cònt.

And I tell.

Molt desvalorïd.

Very undervalued.

Faig trampa per fer la celery.

I cheat to make the celery.

La jugada mestra no és la cançó, tu no has fet res.

The master move is not the song, you haven't done anything.

Això és la teva jugada mestra. K Wafu pek el teu germà.

This is your master move. K Wafu peks your brother.

Vaig a preguntar... El poble s'obrirà, perdó.

I'm going to ask... The village will open, sorry.

Exacte.

Exactly.

Doncs el Tomàs va ràpidament al públic

So Tomàs quickly goes to the audience.

per decidir quina és la jugada més enginyosa.

to decide which is the cleverest move.

Me n'he posat la mascareta i sóc molt tonto.

I put on my mask and I'm very silly.

M'encanta, perquè primer hi va i després es posa la mascareta.

I love it because first he goes there and then he puts on the mask.

No, no, és el Pepe Villuela de la mascareta.

No, no, it's Pepe Villuela from the mask.

Hola, què tal? Hola.

Hello, how are you? Hello.

Com et dius? Belén.

What is your name? Belén.

Belén. D'on vens? De Lleida.

Belén. Where are you from? From Lleida.

De Lleida, eh? Han aixecat el...

From Lleida, huh? They have raised the...

De Lleida!

From Lleida!

Molt bé.

Very well.

A la gran ciutat ha vingut.

He has come to the big city.

Has anat al Corte Inglés?

Have you been to El Corte Inglés?

Va, confessa, confessa!

Come on, confess, confess!

Ara, al sortir.

Now, upon leaving.

Vale, jugades mestres.

Okay, master plays.

Teníem la de la Charly, el Club 93.

We had Charly's, Club 93.

Super 93.

Super 93.

La cançó del Carles o el de Mago Pop.

The song of Carles or the one by Mago Pop.

Has de triar un i ser el guanyador d'avui.

You have to choose one and be today's winner.

Bueno, tot i que el Gatigós m'agrada molt

Well, although I really like Gatigós.

i he estat un moment dubtant,

and I have been momentarily hesitating,

em quedo a mèrit del germà del Carles, el Carles.

I stay to the merit of Carles' brother, Carles.

Moltes gràcies.

Thank you very much.

Home...

Home...

Jo he de reconèixer que el bucàque de cartes m'ha fet una mica de risa.

I have to admit that the card trick made me laugh a little.

El bucàque de cartes. No, no, però avui era merescut.

The card buchaque. No, no, but today it was deserved.

És un format, això, després d'això de cartes...

It's a format, this, after this of letters...

Bucàque de... Les postres.

Bucàque of... The desserts.

El que us dèiem, que ha vingut gent, aquesta setmana.

What we were telling you is that people have come this week.

Ha vingut gent. Ha vingut gent molt interessant.

Interesting people have come.

I ara farem allò de... Ho veiem.

And now we will do the thing of... We will see.

Que queda molt tràvis. Ho fem? Super.

That sounds very tricky. Should we do it? Great.

Vinga, va, va, va. Què faig?

Come on, come on, come on. What should I do?

Dins, no? Hem de fer així... Allà, allà.

Inside, right? We have to do it like this... There, there.

Tots tres, vinga, va. Una, dos i tres.

All three, come on, let’s go. One, two, and three.

Ara ho veiem.

Now we see it.

Anem al play.

Let's go to the playground.

Molt soroll, sisplau, Teatreneu,

Very noisy, please, Teatreneu,

per rebre el Serapi Soler i el Pati Urbano.

to receive the Serapi Soler and the Urban Patio.

Tu? Em poso jo, tu?

You? Should I put it on, you?

És que si em poso jo... Ara veurem qui té més ego, tots tres.

It's just that if I get involved... Now we'll see who has the biggest ego, all three of us.

Ara fem una mica de presentador canònic. Enhorabona.

Now let's do a bit of canonical presenting. Congratulations.

Enhorabona, perquè... Gràcies.

Congratulations, because... Thank you.

Mola, mola, el programa. Gràcies, tio.

Cool, cool, the program. Thanks, man.

No estem d'acord, no?

We don't agree, do we?

Guió, fora de guió, Coolhunters és una puta passada.

Script, off script, Coolhunters is an absolute blast.

Em salto el guió per dir... Per dir?

I'm skipping the script to say... To say?

Per què no està? Em salto el guió per dir...

Why isn't he/she here? I'll skip the script to say...

Quina cintura tenim, que hauríem sortit el guió molt bé per dir.

What a waist we have, that we would have come out with the script very well to say.

Improvisació!

Improvisation!

Moltes gràcies. No, no, que està molt guai.

Thank you very much. No, no, it's really cool.

Això va molt bé pels nostres egos, tio. Fantàstic.

This is great for our egos, man. Fantastic.

Bueno, és que els egos s'han de cuidar.

Well, it's just that egos need to be taken care of.

Vigila, vigila, perquè... Això diu el musicòleg.

Watch out, watch out, because... That's what the musicologist says.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

No, però què us anava a dir? Ser modern.

No, but what was I going to say? To be modern.

Com ho esteu veient, això?

How are you seeing this?

Si no esteu moderns encara, feu-nos una mica l'anàlisi.

If you are not modern yet, give us a little analysis.

Ho estem fent bé?

Are we doing it right?

És que la veritat és que hi ha un tema, no?

The truth is that there is a subject, right?

O és una mica posturea? No ho sé, no ho sé.

Or is it just a bit of posturing? I don't know, I don't know.

Jo crec que hi ha gent que encara no ha entès

I believe that there are people who still haven't understood.

que no som experts en tendències.

that we are not experts in trends.

Ah, val, val.

Ah, okay, okay.

Jo crec que és bastant evident que no som experts en res, eh?

I think it's quite obvious that we are not experts in anything, right?

Però tampoc en tendències.

But also not in trends.

Bàsicament el que fem és ens enriem d'aquestes tendències

Basically, what we do is laugh at these trends.

i les ataquem amb el nostre punt de vista.

And we attack them with our point of view.

Sí.

Yes.

Al final, va ser tendències per parlar de com som, no?

In the end, it was trends to talk about how we are, right?

Vam fer una llista de què és el que no suposem fer.

We made a list of what we are not supposed to do.

Running, swing...

Running, swing...

La gent. La gent.

The people. The people.

És que al final és això. La llista era llarguíssima.

It's just that in the end, that's it. The list was very long.

I llavors vam començar a atacar, no?

And then we started to attack, right?

Els que van de cuiners ara, no?,

Those who are now going as cooks, right?

que van de xefs per fer un plat, no?

They go as chefs to make a dish, right?

Increïble. Oren gastrobars, també.

Incredible. Oren gastrobars, too.

Gastrobars, gastrobars. Exacte.

Gastrobars, gastrobars. Exactly.

Pistró. Pistró!

Pistró. Pistró!

El típic amic que fa paelles, no?

The typical friend who makes paellas, right?

Sí. No m'ho expliquis.

Yes. Don’t explain it to me.

És que fer la paella, tio, em suda la cara.

It's just that making paella, man, makes me sweat.

Veniu, que faig una paella.

Come over, I'm making a paella.

I això és molt de tios, que traiem pit...

And this is very much about guys, who puff out their chests...

que cuinem, no?, que les ties ens diuen...

what do we cook, right?, that the aunts tell us...

Mare meva, per fer el que ha fet...

My goodness, to do what he/she has done...

I mira, i la foto, i tal...

And look, and the photo, and so on...

Ja ho diuen, no?, que els tios cuinen per ego, no?

They say it, right? That guys cook for ego, right?

Això és una mica filosofia, que porto jo aquí.

This is a bit of philosophy, which I bring here.

Ho vaig llegir per Twitter.

I read it on Twitter.

Que modern és, eh?, parlar dels tios i les ties que fan...

How modern it is, huh?, to talk about the guys and the girls who do...

No, jo sortiré d'aquí escaldat, ho veig claríssim.

No, I'm going to leave here burned, I see it very clearly.

Ho veig claríssim. Per això és... No, no, no.

I see it very clearly. That's why it is... No, no, no.

La Charlie, com és, tio? No, no.

How is Charlie, man? No, no.

Cunyetera. És que és més incisiva, tio.

Cunyetera. It's just that it's more incisive, dude.

No, però...

No, but...

És una reputada, perdona, eh?, perquè el públic no sap...

It's a renowned, excuse me, huh?, because the audience doesn't know...

Està fumant un peta, no?, amb la màscara.

He's smoking a joint, isn't he?, with the mask on.

Estan tots com... És com mirar una mica un...

They are all like... It's like looking a bit at a...

Hi ha un que venia del vermut fort.

There was one that came from the strong vermouth.

Jo els veig una mica en tensió, almenys.

I see them a bit tense, at least.

És com un pelotón d'execució, no?, una mica.

It's like a firing squad, isn't it? A little bit.

Ho dic en espanyol perquè tingui sentit.

I say it in Spanish so it makes sense.

Però en política.

But in politics.

Escolta'm una cosa, us vau conèixer, això té sentit, de festa.

Listen to me for a second, you met each other, that makes sense, at a party.

Això és així, és veritat? Com us vau conèixer?

Is that so, is it true? How did you meet?

Sortint?

Going out?

No ens en recordem.

We do not remember it.

El moment exacte no sé quin va ser la trobada.

I don't know exactly when the meeting took place.

Va ser un cap d'any. Va ser un seguit de trobades...

It was a New Year's Eve. It was a series of meetings...

Diguéssim, que es va...

Let's say that it goes...

Amb amics en comú. Amb amics en comú...

With mutual friends. With mutual friends...

I la nit era... És el context, tampoc no...

And the night was... It's the context, also not...

Ara sembla... Ui, la nit, la festa...

Now it seems... Oh, the night, the party...

Bueno, tampoc... Bueno, sí, sí, era de festa.

Well, not really... Well, yes, yes, it was a party.

Era de festa, era de festa, però...

It was a party, it was a party, but...

I els pròxims cots que ens vam veure també va ser de festa, de fet.

And the next times we saw each other were also at a party, in fact.

El Rafa, l'Apolo... De fet, encara no hem parat de festa.

Rafa, Apolo... In fact, we haven't stopped partying yet.

Exacte, seguiu de festa.

Exactly, keep partying.

Tot ho estem fent... No hem dormit des de...

We are doing everything... We haven't slept since...

Heu fet programes durant la festa.

You have made programs during the festival.

Les reunions són a l'Apolo.

The meetings are at the Apolo.

Ara no estem fent programa perquè està tot sapat.

Right now we are not doing the program because everything is settled.

Jo no sé on estic. Jo mateix no...

I don't know where I am. I myself don't...

Alguna reunió al lavabo, no?, potser...

Some meeting in the bathroom, right?, maybe...

No, no, no, no. Jo soc pare, jo soc un home seriós.

No, no, no, no. I am a father, I am a serious man.

Sóc graduat en dret i periodisme, però no vinc aquí a parlar de mi.

I am a graduate in law and journalism, but I am not here to talk about myself.

Ell no, ell és de l'ESCAC, el pots parlar qualsevol cosa.

Not him, he’s from ESCAC, you can talk to him about anything.

Jo vaig fer cinema i m'ha servit moltíssim per fer teles.

I studied film and it has helped me a lot in making television.

Tu has estudiat a l'ESCAC.

You have studied at ESCAC.

Vaig estar a la pasta de l'ESCAC,

I was at the pasta of the ESCAC,

i m'ha anat molt bé per fer un programa de teles, has fixat?

It's gone very well for me to make a TV show, have you noticed?

M'ha anat superbé.

It's gone superbly for me.

Tota la pasta que em vaig deixar a l'ESCAC m'ha anat molt bé.

All the money I spent at ESCAC has been very good for me.

Molt bé. Alguna vegada us heu barallat?

Very well. Have you ever fought?

Sí...

Yes...

Això ens interessa. Que ràpid, oi?

This interests us. How quick, right?

Jo anava a dir no, mai.

I was going to say no, never.

Jo anava a dir baralles, a mi no em sonen.

I was going to say fights, they don't ring a bell for me.

Mai, mai, mai.

Never, ever, ever.

Alguna vegada, però una o dos, comptades.

Once or twice, counted.

Una o dos, però molt comptades.

One or two, but very few.

I quin era el motiu? No es pot dir.

And what was the reason? It cannot be said.

No es pot dir.

It cannot be said.

Allò de crims, no es pot dir.

The thing about crimes, it cannot be said.

Bueno, hi havia una foto...

Well, there was a photo...

No sé de què està parlant.

I don't know what he/she is talking about.

Nosaltres vam fer un gag de crims.

We did a crime gag.

Segur que és crims, no?, com un programa...

Surely it's crimes, right?, like a program...

Sí, sí, Carles Corta, portem llum a la foscor.

Yes, yes, Carles Corta, we bring light to the darkness.

Llum a la foscor.

Light in the darkness.

És que no sé de què estàs parlant.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Amb l'Uri Pérez. Dic aquí com si estigués aquí.

With Uri Pérez. I say here as if he were here.

Estava en la sala de muntatge.

I was in the editing room.

I aleshores sortia una foto d'una persona que va sortir a crims.

And then a photo of a person who appeared in crimes came up.

Ah, sí, que ja... No diguis el nom.

Ah, yes, that already... Don't say the name.

Però una persona finada. Una persona...

But a deceased person. A person...

Finada, és a dir... Sí, sí.

Deceased, that is to say... Yes, yes.

Que és francès, això.

That's French, that.

Una persona finée. Una persona finée.

A fine person. A fine person.

Que si finée. Una persona finada és que ha traspassat.

That if deceased. A deceased person is one who has passed away.

Vol dir que li han posat el pijama de fusta.

It means they have put him in the wooden pajamas.

Finada, finada.

Deceased, deceased.

C'est le jeté. C'est... C'est qui, culo?

It's the throw. It’s... Who is it, ass?

Bueno...

Well...

A veure, si portem gent que no ha anat a l'escola concertada,

Let's see, if we bring people who haven't attended a charter school,

jo no puc seguir...

I can't go on...

Clar, molt moderns, però...

Sure, very modern, but...

Parlem francès, és veritat.

We speak French, it's true.

Bueno, hi havia una foto d'una persona que està morta.

Well, there was a photo of a person who is dead.

I aleshores sortia i vam dir, això no ho podem posar.

And then I went out and we said, we can't include this.

Es veia com molt de fons, que...

It was seen as very deep, that...

Tu no pots fer un programa de comèdia rienta d'una persona morta.

You can't make a comedy show laughing at a dead person.

Però no estàvem dient, mira, està morta, jaja.

But weren't we saying, look, she's dead, haha.

Estava a la fons, era una foto.

It was in the background, it was a photo.

El que passa és que jo m'angoixo molt...

What happens is that I get very anxious...

Ens van barallar, ara.

They fought just now.

Ens van barallar. Bueno, la baralla va ser...

They argued. Well, the argument was...

Tu estaves en contra de posar-la i tu, Serapi, a favor.

You were against putting it in and you, Serapi, were in favor.

A mi em feia gràcia, o sigui... A veure, què quedem?

I found it funny, I mean... Let's see, what are we agreeing on?

No, no, em feia gràcia, o sigui...

No, no, it amused me, I mean...

La seqüència era de comèdia, diguéssim,

The sequence was of comedy, let's say,

i era un pla de crims que tenia integrada una seqüència nostra.

It was a plan of crimes that had our sequence integrated.

I això funcionava molt bé.

And this worked very well.

I la foto d'aquesta persona, això era col·lateral.

And the photo of this person, that was collateral.

Bueno, sí, ara que ja han mostrat que sou insensibles,

Well, yes, now that you have already shown that you are insensitive,

podem parlar amb altres.

we can talk with others.

Això serveix per a segrestades, també, de persones, o no?

Does this apply to kidnapped people as well, or not?

Segrestades, què és? Segrestanes.

Kidnapped, what is it? Kidnap you.

És un nou programa que estem fent.

It is a new program that we are doing.

A tu t'ho diem a part, en aquest pa, oi?

We tell you separately about this bread, right?

No se m'entén, avui, no se m'entén.

I am not understood, today, I am not understood.

Se m'entén? És cosa meva?

Am I being understood? Is it my thing?

Flipo que...

I can't believe that...

Però no li preguntis a ell si ha dit que ha pensat drogada.

But don't ask him if he said he thought high.

Ella dirà, sí, sí, un huevo, un huevo, tio!

She will say, yeah, yeah, an egg, an egg, dude!

Que pare és amic teu, el droga.

Your dad is your friend, the drug.

Que és amic teu, el droga. S'entén que flipes, tio!

Your friend is a drug addict. It's understood that you're freaking out, dude!

A veure, més cosetes que interessen a Catalunya.

Let's see, more things that are of interest to Catalonia.

Serapi, per què?

Serapi, why?

Serapi, per què? Bona pregunta, Carles.

Serapi, why? Good question, Carles.

Sabem que et fa molta il·lusió parlar d'aquest tema.

We know that you are very excited to talk about this topic.

Ens ho ha dit el Patrick, que et fem aquesta pregunta,

Patrick has told us to ask you this question,

perquè a veure si us torneu a barallar una mica.

because let's see if you start arguing a bit again.

La idea de Serapi no té cap justificació.

The idea of Serapi has no justification.

A part que és un nom real, que la gent es pensa que...

Aside from being a real name, people think that...

Si fos un sobrenom, hauria buscat un guapíssim.

If it were a nickname, I would have looked for a very handsome one.

Em diria, no sé, Mike Johnson.

I would say, I don't know, Mike Johnson.

Està agafat, està agafat.

It's taken, it's taken.

Patrick Urbano!

Patrick Urbano!

No, això no...

No, not that...

El meu pare es diu igual, em van posar aquest nom,

My father has the same name; they gave me this name.

i el meu fill no es dirà igual.

and my son will not be called the same.

És l'única casa on quan truques i demanes pel Serapi,

It's the only house where when you call and ask for Serapi,

del gran al petit.

from the big to the small.

És impossible que passi cap a una altra casa.

It is impossible for it to go to another house.

I no n'he conegut mai cap altra.

And I have never known another one.

Això és la meva decisió.

This is my decision.

Tu no pots decidir el nom del... Aquest que pensis que sí.

You cannot decide the name of... This one that you think you can.

Si haguéssiu de decidir el nom del fill de l'altre, com l'hi posaríeu?

If you had to choose the name of the other person's child, what would you name him?

El seu fill Serapi, claríssim, tio.

His son Serapi, very clear, dude.

El teu fill, no ho sé. Alguna cosa de Roma.

Your son, I don't know. Something about Rome.

Juli, Juli César.

Julius, Julius Caesar.

És que en aquest sofà, Patrick, no és per dir-ho,

It's just that on this sofa, Patrick, it's not for nothing,

però només et queda el raïm...

but you only have the grape left...

Ja, bueno, estic esperant.

Yeah, well, I'm waiting.

El raïm i cremar...

The grape and burn...

Us heu deixat el pressupost aquí, eh, tio?

You've left the budget here, right, dude?

Bueno, aquest sofà té història.

Well, this sofa has a history.

De fet, aquest sofà, ho podem dir, aquest sofà és reciclat de...

In fact, this sofa, we can say, this sofa is recycled from...

De la pel·l. Imagina't.

From the film. Imagine that.

El sofà té 20 anys. Podríem fer un...

The sofa is 20 years old. We could make a...

Sí que olora una mica a corbatxo.

Yes, it does smell a bit like a tie.

Està el corbatxo aquí sota.

The little tie is down here.

Hi ha alguna cosa del corbatxo que porta a la butxaca.

There is something from the tie that he carries in his pocket.

Sí, sí, no diré.

Yes, yes, I won't say.

Bueno, escolta'm, digues, digues, Serri.

Well, listen to me, tell me, tell me, Serri.

No, no, no és que no digui res. Ah, val, val, val.

No, no, it's not that I'm not saying anything. Ah, okay, okay, okay.

És que no vull... El tema Serapi sí que vull dir que...

I just don't want to... I do want to say that the Serapi topic...

Parla una mica més de tu, tio.

Talk a little more about yourself, dude.

Ara anem a parlar de tu, no et preocupis.

Now we are going to talk about you, don't worry.

Ojalà. Que és de veritat, és un nom real.

I hope so. It's real, it's a real name.

La gent no s'ho creu, em diuen...

People don't believe it, they tell me...

És babà, com et dius? És babà.

It's a babysitter, what is your name? It's a babysitter.

No és un déu? No era un déu egipci o egipcio-romà?

Isn't he a god? Wasn't he an Egyptian or Greco-Roman god?

Sí, sí, jo no seria així. Egipci-grep.

Yes, yes, I wouldn't be like that. Egyptian-grep.

Serapi, sí. Bueno, ja està. Podem tancar aquest nom.

Serapi, yes. Well, that's it. We can settle on this name.

El problema és meu.

The problem is mine.

Jo pensava que quan era petit anava al casal, doncs era molt difícil.

I thought that when I was little I went to the community center, because it was very difficult.

La típica rotllana, que t'has de dir els noms de cadascú,

The typical circle, where you have to say each person's name,

quan em tocava a mi era un silenci al·lucinant,

when it was my turn, there was an amazing silence,

i era com Joan, Marc, Ramon...

and it was like Joan, Marc, Ramon...

Has fet una mica de bullying, potser, per aquí.

You might have done a bit of bullying around here.

No, perquè... No, no, jo...

No, because... No, no, I...

Volava una mica, també. Sí, sí.

It flew a little, too. Yes, yes.

Em defensava bé. Amb els meus 90 quilos de músculs.

I defended myself well. With my 90 kilos of muscle.

Però jo sí que he estat més macarra.

But I have been more of a rebel.

A vegades la gent no s'ho creu, però jo de petit era un nen grassonet.

Sometimes people don't believe it, but when I was young, I was a chubby kid.

Sé que costa de creure.

I know it's hard to believe.

Els que ens passa aquestes coses és una putada.

Those of us who experience these things have it tough.

La gent li costa de creure. La gent et diu...

People find it hard to believe. People tell you...

És veritat que t'havien dit, Patrick, que...

It's true that they told you, Patrick, that...

que sent gordo no es podia...

that feeling fat he could not...

Espera't un moment, que la pregunta...

Wait a moment, the question...

És una frase teva.

It's a phrase of yours.

Calleu, que estem parlant de nosaltres!

Be quiet, we are talking about us!

Clar, tu has dit que t'havien dit a tu

Of course, you said that they had told you.

que sent gordo no es podia triomfar a la tele.

being fat he couldn't succeed on television.

Sí, sí, això ho han dit.

Yes, yes, they have said that.

En podcast funciona igual.

In podcasts, it works the same.

En podcast no passa res, perquè no se't veu, tio.

In a podcast, nothing happens because you can't see yourself, man.

Això sí que és real, ja...

This is real, yes...

Per nosaltres, mira, perquè jo què sé, som grassos, no passa res, tio.

For us, look, because I don't know, we're fat, it doesn't matter, dude.

Som de vida. Clar, clar, però...

We are of life. Of course, of course, but...

No passa res fins que passa.

Nothing happens until it happens.

No passa res fins que arribes als 50, eh!

Nothing happens until you turn 50, right!

Jo vull dir que cuida-ho amb el pequeñín, amb el cor,

I want to say take care of it with the little one, with the heart,

que segons el que foteu...

that according to what you do...

A mi m'agrada...

I like...

No l'aplaudiu, no l'aplaudiu, aquí!

Don't applaud him, don't applaud him, here!

Què passa? No l'aplaudiu, aquí!

What’s happening? Don't applaud him, here!

És gordofòbia, això que està dient.

This is fatphobia, what you are saying.

Molt heavy, tio. Menjar ens agrada a tots, eh!

Very heavy, dude. We all like to eat, huh!

Jo al costat de la Charlie semblo més gordo.

I look fatter next to Charlie.

Clar, clar, clar, si t'entenc, tio, estic amb tu, amb això, tio.

Sure, sure, sure, I understand you, man, I'm with you on that, man.

No, sí que m'ho ha dit, m'ho ha dit una persona,

No, yes, someone has told me, someone has told me.

i bé, doncs hola, des d'aquí, que tampoc he triomfat,

And well, hello from here, I haven't succeeded either.

però mira, estic sortint per la tele, estic sortint per internet!

But look, I'm on TV, I'm on the internet!

Ojalà surtis a Crim.

I hope you make it out to Crime.

Exacte. I et traurem la foto.

Exactly. And we will take the photo.

A quina càmera he de mirar? Aquí, aquí, estem aquí.

Which camera should I look at? Here, here, we are here.

Quan vas a un plató busques la càmera que ningú li ha demanat.

When you go to a set, you look for the camera that nobody asked for.

No xupeu tanta càmera. A vosaltres.

Don't suck up so much to the camera. To you all.

És com quan sortim nosaltres al programa, diem...

It's like when we go out on the show, we say...

Ho he vist, ho he vist, ho he vist.

I have seen it, I have seen it, I have seen it.

Escolta'm una cosa, tenim talls del vostre superprograma.

Listen to me for a moment, we have cuts from your super program.

Per fi, tio, guai. Que bé, tio.

Finally, dude, cool. That's great, dude.

Com que no hem parlat prou de vosaltres...

Since we haven't talked enough about you...

I a més vau fer el cap d'any. El cap d'any.

And you also celebrated New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve.

Però hi ha un moment del cap d'any que hem de comentar.

But there is a moment at New Year's that we need to comment on.

És la cançó, segur. Saps per què ho sé?

It's the song, for sure. Do you know why I know this?

Regeix-t'hi, tio.

Behave yourself, dude.

Anem-ho a veure, anem-ho a veure, endavant, endavant.

Let's go see it, let's go see it, forward, forward.

Tira, tira.

Pull, pull.

Que màquina, tio, que màquina.

What a machine, dude, what a machine.

Ves a buscar el cable. Tira, play, venga, tira.

Go get the cable. Pull, play, come on, pull.

Això és TV3.

This is TV3.

Portem una hora sense parlar del procés.

We have spent an hour without talking about the process.

I no passa res. És un rècord.

It's alright. It's a record.

Això és TV3.

This is TV3.

Potser que guapo és el Pallisers.

Maybe how handsome the Pallisers are.

Fa 20 anys que es fa aquesta broma. Ja, és que s'hauria de ser guapo.

It's been 20 years since this joke has been made. Well, you would have to be good-looking.

Ui, un aplaudiment pels cojandres.

Oh, a round of applause for the idiots.

Com es nota que és per internet.

How noticeable it is that it's for the internet.

Això, després a Pospor...

This, then in Pospor...

Ho toqueu, tio. Si hi ha tots els diners, estan al sofà.

You touch it, dude. If there’s any money, it’s on the couch.

Molt bé. Per què us van deixar fer això?

Very well. Why did they let you do this?

Per què ens van deixar... Bé, aquí hi ha diversos dels responsables.

Why did they leave us... Well, here are several of those responsible.

Un d'ells és el Xavi Sobrón, que està per aquí amagat.

One of them is Xavi Sobrón, who is hiding around here.

No sé si es pot dir el seu nom. Mira, mira, està allà.

I don't know if I can say his name. Look, look, he's over there.

Sorso, un moment, que admiri'n, que admiri'n.

Sorso, one moment, let them admire, let them admire.

Aquest és el responsable. Aquest és un dels responsables.

This is the person in charge. This is one of the people in charge.

No, no, surt, surt.

No, no, go out, go out.

Tu creus que això estava ben cantat? Et sembla bé?

Do you think this was well sung? Do you think it's okay?

Sí? Sí? Va, tira, tira, tira.

Yes? Yes? Come on, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

Gràcies, Xavi.

Thank you, Xavi.

És una obra més tranquil·a.

It's a more tranquil work.

Gràcies.

Thank you.

Sí que és cert que quan vam intentar vendre el projecte i tal,

It is true that when we tried to sell the project and such,

vam dir, ho posem al final, número musical,

we said, we'll put it at the end, musical number,

i segur que ens diran que no.

And I'm sure they will tell us no.

I van dir, perfecte, ara què fem? Ara què fem?

They said, perfect, now what do we do? Now what do we do?

Ara què fem?

Now what do we do?

Va ser una mica la demostració que ningú ens escolta gaire.

It was somewhat a demonstration that no one really listens to us.

Exacte.

Exactly.

Sí, sí, de musical ningú ha dit que no, ni als altres caps,

Yes, yes, no one has said no to the musical, nor to the other leaders,

ni a TV3, ni a això.

neither to TV3, nor to this.

Ell canta molt bé, com es pot veure, canta bastant bé,

He sings very well, as one can see, he sings quite well.

el fill de puta no ho va dir, el molt cabró.

The son of a bitch didn't say it, the very bastard.

El tema és que va dir, fem una cançó i te l'hi dic jo.

The thing is that he said, let's make a song and I'll tell you.

A veure, jo em defenso amb la guitarra.

Let's see, I defend myself with the guitar.

És una realitat.

It is a reality.

És el típic passat, quan estàs de festa, que dius...

It's the typical past, when you're partying, that you say...

Oh, quina ràbia!

Oh, what a rage!

Vaig per tu, i tota aquesta història de merda.

I'm coming for you, and all this shit story.

Si toques veu Asis, toca'l.

If you hear Asis's voice, touch it.

Són tres cançons i les treu per veure si t'hi llacatxo.

They are three songs and she puts them out to see if you get hooked on them.

Vull acallar-me, porque...

I want to silence myself because...

El tema és que jo vaig pensar, hòstia, jo, vale, no, però m'ho puc muntar.

The thing is that I thought, damn, me, okay, no, but I can figure it out.

Diguéssim que puc afinar una mica.

Let's say I can fine-tune a bit.

I ell en aquell moment es va qüestionar ell mateix,

And at that moment he questioned himself,

de la seva capacitat, i vam arribar a l'estudi,

of its capacity, and we arrived at the studio,

amb la Rigoberta Bandini, que és la que va fer la direcció musical.

with Rigoberta Bandini, who was the musical director.

Hola, Rigó, moltes gràcies des d'aquí.

Hello, Rigó, thank you very much from here.

La gent no vol ser esmentada.Sí, sí que vol!

People do not want to be mentioned. Yes, yes they do!

I va veure cantar el Patrick, i vam dir, què fem, ara?

I saw Patrick singing, and we said, what do we do now?

Tenim tres hores per gravar això, i aquest tio no...

We have three hours to record this, and this guy doesn't...

És el problema que jo he estat insegur molts anys,

It is the problem that I have been insecure for many years,

fins que un dia vaig dir, s'ha acabat, ser insegur!

Until one day I said, it's over, being insecure!

Això està molt bé.Saps cantar.

This is very good. You know how to sing.

Ho saps fer tot, tio! I la vida no és així, tio!

You know how to do everything, man! And life isn't like that, man!

Welcome, Paulo Coelho!

Welcome, Paulo Coelho!

La vida no va així.Where is the limit?

Life doesn't work like that. Where is the limit?

Where is the limit?

Where is the limit?

I va quedar prou bé, per lo que era.

It turned out quite well, for what it was.

Això és TV3.

This is TV3.

No ens empenedim.

We are not in a hurry.

No demanarem perdó.

We will not ask for forgiveness.

És el que voleu, oi?

It's what you want, right?

Ni oblid ni perdó.

Neither forget nor forgive.

Ni muts ni a la gàbia.

Neither mute nor in the cage.

Es cal, fio amb els ulls.

It's cold, I'm feeling it with my eyes.

Els moments crinys seran sempre nostres.

The cringy moments will always be ours.

Molt bé.

Very good.

No, escolteu, que volem que vingueu més,

No, listen, we want you to come more.

perquè se'ns està fent curt, això, Charlie.

because this is getting short for us, Charlie.

Cortíssima.És que sí.

Very short. Yes, it is.

Charlie, estàs aquí?

Charlie, are you here?

És que la veig tan encantada, que estic...

It's just that I see her so enchanted that I am...

Jo no sé què fa aquí.

I don't know what he's doing here.

No t'estava escoltant.

I wasn't listening to you.

És claríssim que no t'estava escoltant.

It's crystal clear that I wasn't listening to you.

Ha fet... Sí, sí!

He has done... Yes, yes!

Clar, tio, clar.

Sure, dude, sure.

Quedeu amb ella, me la torneu de farra de ressaca,

You meet with her, you return her to me after a night of partying.

i jo soc jo, la Blackpool Fiction,

and I am me, Blackpool Fiction,

que l'he de despertar amb una...

that I have to wake her up with a...

A mi no mireu, que jo soc pare i soc un home responsable.

Don't look at me, I'm a father, and I am a responsible man.

Sí, sí, amb l'excusa dels pares, però...

Yes, yes, with the excuse of the parents, but...

Som els que més li foten als pares.

We are the ones who annoy the parents the most.

Sí, això ho sap tothom.

Yes, everyone knows that.

Estareu d'acord amb mi que ara, als pares,

You will agree with me that now, to parents,

és l'hora del vermut en què us foteu fins al cul.

It's vermouth time when you get totally wasted.

Una cosa que està molt bé és que viu la seva vida a través de mi.

One thing that is very good is that he/she lives his/her life through me.

Com que ell no en té, com que té un fill,

As he doesn't have any, since he has a son,

i això vol dir que està anul·lat completament,

and this means that it is completely canceled,

em diu, tio, aquest finde, què has fet, tio?

He tells me, dude, what have you done this weekend, dude?

Jo li explico el que he fet aquest finde, i és com s'ho he viscut.

I explain to him what I did this weekend and how I experienced it.

Què véns, ho vam passar.

What are you coming for, we had a good time.

I em diu, sort que vaig venir. Estava a casa seva.

He tells me, good thing I came. I was at his house.

Estava a casa seva. Així és la vida.

He was at his home. That's life.

I com amb les parelles, amb tu, Serapi, no t'apreta ni tu quant.

And just like with couples, with you, Serapi, it doesn't squeeze you at all.

Doncs mira...

Well, look...

Cada vegada que conec algú, em diu...

Every time I meet someone, they tell me...

Bueno, què, t'agrada molt, no?

Well, what, you like it a lot, right?

Tant com per tu, a casa meva, al costat,

As much as for you, in my house, next door,

amb els teus fills i tal...

with your children and such...

En els quatre a sopar...

In the four to dinner...

Em diu, què, t'estàs enamorant, oi?

He says to me, what, you are falling in love, right?

I dic, tio, calma, per favor, tampoc, tampoc, tampoc.

I'm saying, dude, calm down, please, neither, neither, neither.

Vull aquesta conversa.

I want this conversation.

Un dia podem fer un especial, tenir fills.

One day we can have a special, have children.

Un especial tenir fills.

A special thing to have children.

Ja el vam fer, no?, a Coolhunters, el de tenir fills.

We already did it, right?, at Coolhunters, the one about having children.

Com que ara tinguin un tall d'especial tenir fills,

As they now have a special cut on having children,

haurà estat molt ben linkat.

it must have been very well linked.

Ah, has vist?

Ah, have you seen?

No, però no estava, no?

No, but she wasn't there, was she?

No, ens estem quedant sense temps.

No, we are running out of time.

Perdoneu.

Excuse me.

És un podcast espontani.

It is a spontaneous podcast.

Ja sabeu com va això. Està molt bé, està molt bé.

You know how this goes. It's very good, it's very good.

Nosaltres som del tiron, no gravat així amb talls.

We are done in one go, not recorded like this with cuts.

Ja, ja. És que gravar així és molt fàcil.

Ha ha. It's just that recording like this is very easy.

Clar. Sí, qualsevol.

Of course. Yes, anyone.

No, no, hi torneu un altre dia, va.

No, no, come back another day, okay?

Moltes gràcies, moltes gràcies.

Thank you very much, thank you very much.

Que vinguin un altre dia, que vinguin quan vulguin,

Let them come another day, let them come whenever they want.

que facin el que vulguin, que som els putos Coolhunters.

Let them do what they want, we are the fucking Coolhunters.

Els putos Coolhunters. Parlem de nosaltres, eh?

The fucking Coolhunters. Let's talk about ourselves, huh?

Estaves escoltant, eh?

You were listening, huh?

Serapi, Soler, Patrick Urbano!

Serapi, Soler, Patrick Urbano!

Gràcies.

Thank you.

Doncs seguim, seguim des del Teatreneu.

Well, let's continue, let's continue from the Teatreneu.

Va, Charlie, presenta-t'ho, que jo vull...

Come on, Charlie, introduce yourself, because I want to...

Ai, sí, sí, que també em fa molta il·lusió, ara, presentar-ho.

Oh, yes, yes, I'm also very excited to present it now.

No saps presentar, eh? Avui no en sé.

You don't know how to present, do you? Today I don't know.

Doncs ens ve molt de gust rebre

Well, we are very pleased to receive.

una de les còmiques catalanes més canyeres.

one of the most hard-hitting Catalan comedians.

Està en això.

It is about that.

No us perdeu el po... Perdó, eh?

Don't miss the po... Sorry, huh?

És que no presento mai, no m'ho deixes fer mai.

It's just that I never present, you never let me do it.

Ara, de cop, això s'ha mogut, i jo no ho veig des d'aquí,

Now, all of a sudden, this has moved, and I can't see it from here.

perquè tinc un ull mig sec.

because I have a half-dry eye.

Veus per què no et deixo presentar-me?

Do you see why I don't let you introduce me?

Puc fer-ho sense llegir-ho.

I can do it without reading it.

O clar que sí. Puc dir les meves paraules.

Oh of course. I can say my words.

Clar que sí, que se'ns obri el Teatreneu

Of course, let the Teatreneu open for us.

per rebre a la gran Ana Polo!

to welcome the great Ana Polo!

Ana Polo!

Ana Polo!

No m'expliqueu-m'hi, perdó.

Don't explain it to me, sorry.

Hola.

Hello.

No s'ha pres, encara, la pel·lícula.

The movie has not been taken yet.

No veig bé des d'aquí, perdó.

I can't see well from here, sorry.

A veure, tu véns a parlar-nos d'un mitjà de comunicació...

Let's see, you come to talk to us about a means of communication...

que té una mica... transbalsada.

that has a bit... shaken up.

Sí, vinc a parlar.

Yes, I'm coming to talk.

És veritat que la meva faceta de feminazi, lo que del conyo,

It's true that my feminist side, what the hell.

és una cosa que està bastant exterra i coneguda,

it is something that is quite foreign and known,

però, en canvi, hi ha una faceta de mi que està més reservada

but, on the other hand, there is a side of me that is more reserved

i que ara m'he decidit d'exposar una mica.

And now I have decided to expose myself a little.

A mi m'agrada que siguis la nostra feminazi de proximitat.

I like that you are our local feminist.

Jo soc molt a favor.

I am very much in favor.

Jo ho dic sempre, soc la feminazi de confiança.

I always say it, I am the trusted feminazi.

Si teniu dubtes d'alguna cosa, sempre, DMS abiertos,

If you have any doubts about something, always, DMs open,

em podeu escriure i jo us ho explico tranquil·lament.

You can write to me, and I will explain it to you calmly.

Depèn del dia, hi ha dies que no, que potser us envio la merda,

It depends on the day, there are days when I don't, maybe I'll send you the crap.

però és una miqueta a veure com està la vibra.

but it's a little bit about seeing how the vibe is.

La qüestió és que poca gent ho sap,

The thing is that not many people know it,

però jo soc col·leccionista, vale?

but I am a collector, okay?

O sigui, hi ha gent que col·lecciona...

So, there are people who collect...

M'agraden les emocions fortes, no?

I like strong emotions, don't I?

Llavors hi ha gent que col·lecciona segells o que col·lecciona cromos,

Then there are people who collect stamps or who collect cards,

i jo col·lecciono titulars de elcaso.cat, vale?

And I collect headlines from elcaso.cat, okay?

Elcaso.cat.

The case.cat.

Elcaso.cat és un mitjà de comunicació, vale?

Elcaso.cat is a media outlet, okay?

Bueno, que té la seva pròpia línia editorial,

Well, it has its own editorial line,

i jo, des d'aquí, emplaço algú que, si també és col·leccionista d'això,

and I, from here, challenge someone who, if they are also a collector of this,

quedem al mercat de Sant Antoni, els diumenges,

Let's meet at the Sant Antoni market on Sundays.

per fer un intercanvi de titulars, sisplau,

to make a title exchange, please,

perquè estic molt sola en aquesta col·lecció.

because I feel very alone in this collection.

Clar, ells... Bueno, és un mitjà de comunicació,

Sure, they... Well, it's a means of communication,

i jo em pregunto, si jo pogués fer una guirja amb Gutenberg,

And I ask myself, if I could make a joy with Gutenberg,

i preguntar-li, mira, Johannes, com estan les coses del periodisme...

And ask him, look, Johannes, how things are in journalism...

Bueno, potser ell diria, potser no invento una impremta, no?

Well, maybe he would say, maybe I’m not inventing a printing press, right?

Potser és una cosa de la qual puc prescindir.

Maybe it's something I can do without.

No ho sé, la qüestió és que us he portat aquí com als meus preferits,

I don't know, the thing is that I have brought you here as my favorites,

perquè vosaltres sabeu què és el que passa...

because you all know what is happening...

Per si no sabeu què és Elcaso.cat,

In case you don't know what Elcaso.cat is,

us diré què és un mitjà on expliquen les coses tal com raja, vale?

I'll tell you what a medium is where they explain things as they come, okay?

I quan dic tal com raja, vull dir de la manera més sensacionalista possible.

And when I say it as it comes, I mean in the most sensationalist way possible.

Endavant, vinga. Per exemple, no?

Go ahead, come on. For example, right?

Lladres que escalen la façana i t'entren a l'habitació mentre dorms.

Thieves who climb the facade and enter your room while you sleep.

Hòstia...

Holy...

Tampoc et diuen quan... No et diuen res...

They don't tell you when... They don't tell you anything...

Simplement és com quan dorms, quan estàs vulnerable, no?

It's just like when you sleep, when you are vulnerable, right?

O sigui, venen los cacos del rocòdrom, no?

So, the thieves from the climbing wall are coming, right?

I t'ho roben tot, no?

They steal everything from you, right?

És com... Pots donar algun tipus d'informació concreta? No.

It's like... Can you provide any specific information? No.

I en canvi, aquests titulars que podrien ser més rigorosos,

And on the contrary, these headlines that could be more rigorous,

hi ha altres de notícies que jo penso que sí que podrien convidar l'alarma,

There are other news items that I think could indeed invite alarm.

com per exemple aquesta,

such as this one,

Matí violent a Vallcaire d'Urgell,

Violent morning in Vallcaire d'Urgell,

un conegut veí intenta matar 3 persones a cops,

a known neighbor tries to kill 3 people with blows,

que trobo que és moderat, no?

I find it to be moderate, don't you?

Matí violent, dic, bueno, violent és sentir els teus pares follar.

A violent morning, I say, well, violent is to hear your parents having sex.

No és violent. No aquest remake de Tarantino.

It's not violent. Not this Tarantino remake.

Llavors, clar, aquí vaig llegir la notícia,

Then, of course, here I read the news,

perquè m'interessava realment,

because I was really interested,

i el tio aquest en qüestió, que va intentar matar a cops els veïns,

and this guy in question, who tried to kill the neighbors with blows,

també va fotre uns trets a l'aire, va mordessar una senyora,

he also fired some shots in the air, bit a lady,

la va deixar on descampat, la senyora està perfectament,

she left him where it was deserted, the lady is perfectly fine,

podeu riure amb la tranquil·litat que ens dona un final feliç.

You can laugh with the peace that a happy ending gives us.

Final feliç per tothom, menys per Carles Porta,

Happy ending for everyone, except for Carles Porta,

que estava escalfant a la banda.

that was warming up on the side.

Ja estava ell com...

He was already like...

A ell li agrada molt l'amor, li agrada massa, l'amor, no?

He really likes love, he likes love too much, doesn't he?

O sigui, comença dient molt bona nit, gràcies per escoltar-nos,

So, it starts by saying good evening, thank you for listening to us,

però jo crec que li falten com mitja temporada per dir molt bona nit,

but I think it needs about half a season to say very good night,

gràcies per matar-vos els uns entre els altres.

thank you for killing each other.

No? Perquè és el que a ell li dona la vida, no?

No? Because it's what gives him life, isn't it?

Bueno, més notícies que heu pogut llegir aquí?

Well, more news that you could read here?

No, perdoneu, és que més coses de la notícia aquesta.

No, sorry, it's just that there are more things about this news.

L'intent de matar-se aquesta, no?, el va perpetrar.

The intent to kill herself, right?, he perpetrated.

El va perpetrar un tio que es fa dir el Cuki.

He was perpetrated by a guy who goes by the name of Cuki.

El Cuki. El Cuki, sí, el Cuki.

The Cuki. The Cuki, yes, the Cuki.

I jo des d'aquí vull denunciar...

And I from here want to denounce...

Estic farta d'assassins amb noms adorables, no?

I'm tired of assassins with adorable names, aren't I?

Parlem-ne, parlem-ne d'això.

Let's talk about it, let's talk about this.

Clar, seguint clarament l'estela de les paneroles, no?,

Sure, clearly following the trail of the cockroaches, right?

que és com nom adorable i ésser terrorífic, no?

It's like an adorable name and a terrifying being, isn't it?

No fa, no fa.

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.

El Cuki. Per què els assassins tenen noms naïfs?

The Cuki. Why do killers have naïve names?

O sigui, el Xicle, el rei del cachopo...

That is, Xicle, the king of cachopo...

El rei del cachopo...

The king of cachopo...

Emérito, per què? O sigui, jo estic farta.

Emeritus, why? I mean, I'm fed up.

El emérito. Estic farta.

The emeritus. I'm fed up.

El emérito també.

The emeritus too.

No? Jo vull noms...

No? I want names...

transparents.

transparents.

O sigui, com que s'assemblin una miqueta més a Monstro de Amstetten

So, since they resemble Monstro de Amstetten a little more.

i menys a Gossiluz, no?

And less so at Gossiluz, right?

Jo penso, per exemple, al Lloies se li podran retrobar moltes coses,

I think, for example, that many things can be rediscovered with Lloies.

però que no es veia d'una hora lluny que era un merdes...

but it was obvious from a mile away that he was a jerk...

Anava de cara, ja amb el sobrenom...

I was going straight in, already with the nickname...

Què pots esperar del Lloies? Que et faci la declaració de renta?

What can you expect from Lloies? That he will do your tax return?

No, jo això és el que demano, no?, dels assassins, la veritat és que sí.

No, this is what I'm asking for, right?, about the killers, the truth is that yes.

Una altra notícia que em va fascinar...

Another piece of news that fascinated me...

De veritat, sumeu-vos a la meva col·lecció.

Really, join my collection.

Animeu-vos a fer això amb mi. No em deixeu sola, en això, sisplau.

Please join me in doing this. Don't leave me alone in this, please.

Atenció, a mi em va agradar.

Attention, I liked it.

Aquest és un dels meus prefes, diu...

This is one of my faves, he says...

Un home vol ruixar amb caca i pichum un policia a Mataró i acaba per terra.

A man wants to spray a policeman in Mataró with poop and pee, and ends up on the ground.

Aquí sí que geolocalitzem, no?

Here we do geolocation, right?

Aquí sí que diem que és a Mataró.

Here we do say that it is in Mataró.

No he volgut llegir la notícia, perquè considero que està perfecta,

I didn't want to read the news because I think it's perfect.

el titular, no?

the headline, right?

Ja t'ho diu tot.

It says it all to you.

No tots els herois tenen capa ni control dels esfínters,

Not all heroes wear capes or have control over their sphincters.

vull dir, això és així, i jo estic agraïda una miqueta, no?, que sigui així.

I mean, it is like this, and I am a little grateful, aren't I, that it is this way.

Llavors, bueno, si esteu preocupats per la pandèmia, no?,

So, well, if you are worried about the pandemic, right?

pel coronavirus, tal, no ho porteu bé, esteu atabalades,

because of the coronavirus, like, you’re not handling it well, you’re overwhelmed,

no patiu, a Caso.cat us fiquem.

Don't worry, we'll put you on Caso.cat.

No pensem en altres coses, per exemple.

We don't think about other things, for example.

Es dupliquen els casos de grip aviària a França, a prop de la frontera.

The cases of avian flu are doubling in France, near the border.

Ui...

Oh...

Per si us penseu que no us havia de tocar a prop, no?

In case you thought it wasn't going to happen to you, right?

Són aquells titulars que sents ja la ràfaga, no?

They are those headlines that you can already hear the burst, right?

Xan, xan, xan, xan...

Xan, xan, xan, xan...

Quina frontera? Cap, però saps que és la teva, no?

What border? None, but you know it's yours, right?

És la teva, la que...

It's yours, the one that...

Tu ara no només t'has de preocupar pel coronavirus,

You now not only have to worry about the coronavirus,

sinó per la grip aviària, sí.

but for avian flu, yes.

I pels francesos. I pels francesos, clar, sí, sí.

And for the French. And for the French, of course, yes, yes.

No sé quina plaga és pitjor.

I don't know which plague is worse.

Una altra cosa que m'agrada del Caso.cat

Another thing I like about Caso.cat

és que seran una miqueta carronyeros,

it's just that they will be a bit carrion eaters,

és veritat que pot ser que ho siguin una miqueta,

it's true that they might be a little bit so.

però també aposten pel català correcte,

but they also support correct Catalan,

que segur que t'agradarà molt a tothom.

that everyone is sure to like a lot.

No està renyit. No està renyit, no, per res.

It's not forbidden. It's not forbidden, no, not at all.

Mira, ells enreden un borratxo...

Look, they are messing with a drunk...

i li compren una finca de 90.000 euros per només buit.

And they buy a property for 90,000 euros for just empty.

Ostres!

Wow!

O un piròman crema una casa per revenja i els veïns l'estomaquen.

Or a arsonist burns a house out of revenge and the neighbors confront him.

L'estomaquen!

They are stomaching it!

O sigui, quants anys feia que no s'utilitzava la paraula?

So, how many years had it been since the word was last used?

El redactor dient...

The editor saying...

Jo li poso l'estomaque, no la tonyinen.

I put it in the stomach, not in the tuna.

Clar, jo m'imagino Pompeu Fabra llegint això,

Of course, I imagine Pompeu Fabra reading this,

i per una banda com molt escandalitzat per tota la notícia,

and on one hand, as if very shocked by all the news,

i per altra, com amb llàgrimes als ulls.

and on the other hand, like with tears in the eyes.

Algú està lluitant contra la destrucció del català,

Someone is fighting against the destruction of Catalan,

capitanesada per la Charlie, com tots sabeu.

captained by Charlie, as you all know.

Sí, sí, Charlie Iñorda, Charlie Botiflera.

Yes, yes, Charlie Iñorda, Charlie Botiflera.

La teva croada personal, aniquilar el català.

Your personal crusade, to annihilate Catalan.

Exactament, només em desperto per això, als matins.

Exactly, I only wake up for that, in the mornings.

Per acabar amb el català tu sola.

To end it with Catalan all by yourself.

Sí, és una feina.

Yes, it is a job.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Ja ho aixecarem, això, ja ho aixecarem.

We'll lift this up, we'll lift it up.

Què més? Vinga.

What else? Come on.

Totes gràcies, com he dit.

Thank you all, as I said.

Us porto els tres últims titulars, que m'agraden bastant.

I bring you the last three headlines that I quite like.

Una noia contracta un nen de 12 anys

A girl hires a 12-year-old boy.

per cremar la furgoneta de la seva exparella.

to set fire to his ex-partner's van.

Uau!

Wow!

Enxampen un capellà fent un trio

They catch a priest having a threesome.

amb dues dominàtrics a l'altar de la seva església.

with two dominatrices at the altar of their church.

Vaja!

Wow!

Un dilluns normal, al poble, un dilluns més.

A normal Monday, in the village, another Monday.

Arroba Pontifex, un matí del chill, allà.

@Pontifex, one morning of the chill, there.

Doncs ja sabem tots el que és, sí, sí.

Well, we all know what it is, yes, yes.

I l'últim, concert sorpresa d'Antoni Orozco

And the last, surprise concert of Antoni Orozco.

a la taulada de l'Hospital de Bellvitge.

at the table of the Bellvitge Hospital.

Totes gràcies.

Thank you very much.

Totes gràcies, totes gràcies.

Thank you very much, thank you very much.

Molt bé, molt bé.

Very well, very well.

Un aplaudiment per l'Anna Apodo, molt bé.

A round of applause for Anna Apodo, very well done.

Ens agrada molt.

We like it a lot.

Aniréu-vos a fer aquesta col·lecció amb mi.

You will come to do this collection with me.

Us espero diumenge al Mercat de Sant Antoni.

I will see you on Sunday at the Sant Antoni Market.

Perfecte. Genial.

Perfect. Great.

M'ha agradat molt aquest anàlisi periodístic de...

I really liked this journalistic analysis of...

És que jo soc periodista, també.

It's just that I'm a journalist, too.

Clar, clar. Sí, jo no.

Sure, sure. Yes, not me.

Tu ets periodista, Charlie, i mira'ns, aquí estem.

You are a journalist, Charlie, and look at us, here we are.

Aquí esteu, veus?

Here you are, see?

Com dos teleñecos, que semblem...

Like two muppets, we seem...

Parla per tu, guapo. Sí, sí, parlo per mi.

Speak for yourself, handsome. Yes, yes, I speak for myself.

Anna, vine més, vine més.

Anna, come more, come more.

Vine més, perquè necessitem una... com ho has dit?

Come here more often, because we need a... what did you call it?

Una feminazi de...

A feminazi from...

Feminazi de confiança. Una feminazi de confiança.

Trusted feminazi. A trusted feminazi.

Un aplaudiment per l'Anna.

A round of applause for Anna.

Vinga, va, Charlie, esmena la plana, i ara sí.

Come on, Charlie, make the correction, and now yes.

Amb pròmter, sense pròmter...

With a prompter, without a prompter...

Ho faré, que no sabré.

I will do it, that I won't know.

Vinga, va, tot plegat.

Come on, all of it.

El següent convidat és músic, còmic, compositor.

The next guest is a musician, comedian, composer.

Des de ja fa uns anyets, gràcies a YouTube i a Spotify,

For already a few years now, thanks to YouTube and Spotify,

seguim ben de prop la carrera d'en Guiu Cortés,

we closely follow Guiu Cortés's career,

més conegut com el Niño de la Hipoteca.

better known as the Niño de la Hipoteca.

El Niño de la Hipoteca, som-hi!

The Boy of the Mortgage, let's go!

Aquest és el teu programa, Charlie. Tu pots ser aquí i fer el que vulguis.

This is your program, Charlie. You can be here and do whatever you want.

Clar que sí. Què tal, Niño? Què tal? Com va això?

Of course. How are you, Kid? How's it going? How's this?

Què tal, Guiu? Guiu Cortés. Guiu Cortés, sí.

How are you, Guiu? Guiu Cortés. Guiu Cortés, yes.

Tens un nom, tio, a mi m'encanta, el nom del...

You have a name, dude, I love it, the name of...

Guiu, no? Guiu, clar.

Guide, right? Guide, of course.

Els explota el cap, a la gent que...

It blows people's minds, those who...

Per això vaig començar com el Niño de la Hipoteca, una mica,

That's why I started out like the Niño de la Hipoteca, a bit.

perquè amb aquest nom era un drama.

because with that name it was a drama.

O sigui, gas natural en deia Hiui.

So, that's what they called natural gas, Hiui.

Es van equivocar entre la U i la I.

They mixed up the U and the I.

Era, no, home, no...

It was, no, come on, no...

Sembla com el que no va entrar a Friends, no?

It seems like the one who didn't get into Friends, right?

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Però, bueno, el tema del nom em va invitar a que tingués un pseudònim,

But, well, the issue of the name encouraged me to have a pseudonym,

i encara va ser pitjor, perquè el Niño de la Hipoteca, què mierda és?

and it was even worse because the Niño de la Hipoteca, what the hell is that?

Però has evolucionat.

But you have evolved.

Sí.

Yes.

Et coneixem de fa molts anys.

We have known you for many years.

Guiu, em dóna igual, vamos...

Guiu, I don't care, come on...

Guiu, sí, sí.

Guide, yes, yes.

I estic amb el projecte nou, això, Guiu Cortés,

I am with the new project, this, Guiu Cortés.

fent les cançons que feia al principi, una mica.

making the songs I used to make at the beginning, a little.

Molt bé.

Very well.

A més, hi ha aquesta evolució en els temes, no?,

Moreover, there is this evolution in the themes, right?

ens comentaves, perquè ara també has estat pare,

you were telling us, because now you have also become a father,

parlant d'abans que parlàvem de ser pare,

talking about before when we were talking about being a father,

tu has estat pare, també.

you have been a father, too.

Sí, tengo muy poca cara de tener descendencia.

Yes, I have very little resemblance to having descendants.

El padre de la hipoteca.

The father of the mortgage.

Clar, això no ho hauràs de mirar.

Of course, you won't have to worry about that.

Sí.

Yes.

El padre del... com és això?

The father of... how is that?

Uau, quin xiste, això, eh?

Wow, what a joke, that, huh?

Pobre, tio, avui...

Poor guy, today...

Avui aneu per mi?

Are you going for me today?

Era per el Niño de la Hipoteca, no?

It was for the Niño de la Hipoteca, right?

És culpa meva, 100%.

It's my fault, 100%.

És culpa meva pel puto nom de merda que vaig posar.

It's my fault for the fucking shitty name I gave.

Ara li has dedicat una cançó al teu pare.

Now you have dedicated a song to your father.

Sí, arrel del Covid, la mascota més genial...

Yes, as a result of Covid, the coolest pet...

Sí, el Covid aquest,

Yes, this Covid,

en la primera onada,

in the first wave,

perquè el temps es mesura en onades,

because time is measured in waves,

el 2020 va per onades, no va per mesos.

2020 goes in waves, it doesn't go by months.

Doncs en la primera va pillar catxo.

Well, in the first one, he got caught.

Per una cosa, no tenia res a veure amb el Covid,

For one thing, it had nothing to do with Covid.

i estuvo con un pie más fuera que dentro,

and he was more out than in,

pero, como deia abans, como está vivo, nos podemos reivindicar.

but, as I said before, since he is alive, we can assert ourselves.

Un aplaudiment pel pare del Niño de la Hipoteca.

A round of applause for the father of the Hipoteca's Niño.

Però...

But...

Estuvo... le quedaba un telediario, eh?, va estar molt al límit.

He had... he had one news broadcast left, right? He was very close to the limit.

Va perdre... i això va estar ingressat un mes,

He lost... and he was hospitalized for a month,

i llavors, des de casa, no sabien què fer.

And then, from home, they didn’t know what to do.

No podíem anar a veure'l,

We couldn't go see him.

perquè primera ola, mucha inexperiencia en la sociedad,

because first wave, a lot of inexperience in society,

cero visitas,

zero visits,

i ella estava tancada allà en una habitació,

and she was locked up there in a room,

li vam fer arribar...

we got it to him/her...

Nos pidió el Quijote, va dir...

He asked us for Don Quixote, he said...

No sé qué hacer, tráeme el Quijote, si us plau.

I don't know what to do, bring me the Quixote, please.

I llavors li vaig fer una cançó per darle ánimos,

And then I made him a song to cheer him up.

que és aquesta, que es titula Rey de la noche,

what is this, titled King of the Night,

y que si quieres te la toco, la canción.

and if you want, I can play it for you, the song.

Si no... si no seguim parlant, no, te la toco.

If not... if we don't keep talking, no, I won't touch it.

Voleu sentir la cançó que li he dedicat...

Do you want to hear the song I've dedicated to him/her...?

al seu pare, no?

to your father, right?

Doncs vinga, Guiu Cortés,

Well then, Guiu Cortés,

el rei de la noche, el Tamás,

the king of the night, Tamás,

que ha dedicat el Guiu al seu pare.

that Guiu has dedicated to his father.

Endavant.

Go ahead.

Has tenido cometidos complicados.

You have had complicated tasks.

No siempre resolviste la misión.

You didn't always complete the mission.

Has andado por el borde del tejado, bajo el sol.

You have walked along the edge of the roof, under the sun.

Te quedaste sin la casa...

You ended up without the house...

y sin trabajo, y atrapado en un ascensor.

and without work, and trapped in an elevator.

Te perdiste caminando por atajos, y ya pasó.

You got lost walking through shortcuts, and it's already happened.

Estás lleno de virtudes y defectos.

You are full of virtues and flaws.

Te has pillado cada dedo en un cajón.

You have caught each finger in a drawer.

Nuestros ídolos también son imperfectos, sin pantalón.

Our idols are also imperfect, without pants.

Saliste de las drogas,

You got out of drugs,

huiste de las modas, del deporte,

house of fashions, of sports,

de los juegos, de las dietas y los credos.

of games, diets, and creeds.

Te invitabas a ver venas,

You invited yourself to see veins,

te colaste en discotecas siendo niño.

You sneaked into nightclubs as a kid.

El rey de la noche, dominas la fiesta.

The king of the night, you rule the party.

Si eres experto en salir, ¿cómo no ibas a salir de esta?

If you are an expert at getting out, how could you not get out of this?

Has parado proyectiles con las estrellas,

You have stopped projectiles with the stars,

con las manos, combatiendo las fuerzas del mal.

with the hands, fighting the forces of evil.

Salvando a transeúntes de tiranos, pura bondad.

Saving passersby from tyrants, pure goodness.

Siempre usaste bien tus superpoderes,

You always used your superpowers well,

pero es tiempo de egoísmo y de vivir.

but it is time for selfishness and to live.

Que quererse también es de valientes.

Because loving oneself is also for the brave.

Sálvate a ti.

Save yourself.

Saliste de las drogas, huiste de las modas,

You got off drugs, you ran away from trends,

del deporte, de los juegos, de las dietas y los credos.

of sports, games, diets, and creeds.

Te invitabas a ver venas, te colaste en discotecas siendo niño.

You invited yourself to see veins, you sneaked into nightclubs as a child.

El rey de la noche, dominas la fiesta.

The king of the night, you dominate the party.

Si eres experto en salir, ¿cómo no ibas a salir de esta?

If you are an expert at getting out, how could you not get out of this?

El rey de la noche, dominas la fiesta.

The king of the night, you dominate the party.

Si eres experto en salir, ¿cómo no ibas a salir de esta?

If you are an expert at getting out of situations, how could you not get out of this one?

Molt bé!

Very well!

Llogada mestra amb el Carles Sánchez Merdugú.

Rental master with Carles Sánchez Merdugú.

Un noi merdísim.

A really crappy guy.

I el Charlie Pee. Pee, Pee, Pee, Pee.

And Charlie Pee. Pee, Pee, Pee, Pee.

Un, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Molt bon programa, eh? Molt bon programa.

Very good program, huh? Very good program.

Molt bon programa. Molt bon programa.

Very good program. Very good program.

Boníssim.

Very good.

Sí, que us ha agradat més. Bueno, és igual, després ho veus.

Yes, what did you like the most? Well, it doesn't matter, you'll see it later.

És que està molt bé.

It's very good.

Fins aquí, al Jogada Mestra,

Up to here, at the Master Move,

un programa que cada vegada segueixen més tietes,

a program that more and more aunts follow,

perquè cal reivindicar les tietes de Catalunya, sí, sí.

because we need to reivindicate the aunts of Catalonia, yes, yes.

Bueno, de fet, diuen que TV3 és una tele per tietes.

Well, in fact, they say that TV3 is a channel for aunts.

No hi estic d'acord. No hi estic d'acord.

I don't agree. I don't agree.

De fet, nosaltres som els nebots d'aquestes tietes.

In fact, we are the nephews of these aunts.

Això sí, és veritat. Tots tenim tietes, no?

That is true. We all have aunts, right?

Bueno...

Well...

Jo en tinc moltes.

I have many.

Puc deixar-ne una.

I can leave one.

Jo tinc una tieta que va molt a tope.

I have an aunt who is really energetic.

La meva tieta passa per davant de la seu d'Òmnium o de l'ANC

My aunt walks by the headquarters of Òmnium or the ANC.

i se li connecta a wifi sol.

It connects to Wi-Fi by itself.

De les vegades que hi ha anat, allà?

Of the times he/she has been there?

Sí, sí, va molt a tope.

Yes, yes, it's going very well.

Doncs res, nois, acabem aquí el programa.

Well then, guys, we’ll end the program here.

Tens algun altre truc del demagogo?

Do you have any other tricks of the demagogue?

Bueno, ni en tinc ni no en tinc, aquí, a l'estant.

Well, neither do I have them nor do I not have them, here, on the shelf.

Demagògia.

Demagoguery.

Boníssim, aquest és el millor, Tomàs.

Delicious, this is the best, Tomàs.

Aquest ha sigut guapíssim. Com ho has fet?

This has been really beautiful. How did you do it?

No parem d'aplaudir i acomiadem el Tomàs Fuentes a la Charlie Pee.

We won't stop applauding and we bid farewell to Tomàs Fuentes at Charlie Pee.

Fins una altra.

Until another time.

Els podeu trobar a Spotify, a YouTube, a Instagram, a tot arreu.

You can find them on Spotify, on YouTube, on Instagram, everywhere.

Fins demà!

See you tomorrow!