El que caga aquí es la yaya
Berícid Sulfúric
La Putaspina
El que caga aquí es la yaya
Hola a tothom! Això és La Puta Espina, el programa on els creadors de verícid sulfúric fem el que ens dóna la gana.
Hello everyone! This is La Puta Espina, the show where the creators of sulfuric veracity do whatever we want.
Jo sóc el Pau Pérez Casas.
I am Pau Pérez Casas.
Jo sóc l'Anna.
I am Anna.
I jo sóc el Vicent Tortera.
And I am Vicent Tortera.
I avui portem un joc que ens vam inventar nosaltres i que hem obligat amics nostres a participar-hi.
And today we're bringing a game that we invented ourselves and that we have forced our friends to participate in.
La premissa d'avui és el que caga aquí és la iaia.
The premise today is that what shits here is the grandmother.
Potser només amb això ja se us ha acudit alguna cosa, estimats membres de l'audiència.
Perhaps just with this you have already come up with something, dear audience members.
I aquesta és la gràcia del capítol d'avui. Comencem pel principi.
And this is the point of today's chapter. Let's start from the beginning.
El que caga aquí és la iaia va sortir un dia que en Vicent i jo estàvem gravant unes veus per un podcast que ens havien encarregat
What shits here is the grandma, she went out one day when Vicent and I were recording some voices for a podcast that we had been commissioned.
i tots dos havíem de fer diversos personatges.
and both of us had to play various characters.
Un dels personatges que jo feia era la iaia, però eren personatges que tenien rèpliques molt curtetes
One of the characters I played was the grandmother, but they were characters that had very short lines.
que estaven repartides per, òbviament, el guió complet del podcast que ens havien enviat.
that were distributed through, obviously, the complete script of the podcast they had sent us.
Aleshores, jo estava buscant la iaia i estava fullejant i és allò que estava llegint en diagonal i buscant
So, I was looking for grandma and I was flipping through and that’s what I was reading diagonally and looking for.
i fas aquells sorollets com per indicar que estàs buscant alguna cosa mentre llegeixes el teu interlocutor.
And you make those little noises as if to indicate that you are looking for something while you read your interlocutor.
I vaig fer com, el que caga aquí és la iaia.
I acted as if the one who shits here is the grandmother.
I en Vicent, immediatament, va dir, el que caga aquí és la iaia, has dit.
And Vicent immediately said, the one who poops here is the grandma, you said.
I jo vaig dir, hòstia, la iaia estava pensant quatre coses a la vegada i ha dit una.
And I said, damn, the grandmother was thinking four things at once and said one.
La iaia estava pensant massa i ha sacat com li ha sortit el que estava pensant.
The grandmother was thinking too much and came out with what she was thinking.
Són coses que no tenien cap mena de connexió en una.
They are things that had no connection to one another.
Per mi, el que caga aquí és la iaia és que la iaia estava pensant que s'estava cagant,
For me, the one who shits here is the grandma, it's that the grandma was thinking she was shitting.
que havia d'anar a comprar, que estava saludant algú i va acabar dient el que caga aquí és la iaia.
that he had to go shopping, that he was greeting someone and ended up saying what shits here is the grandmother.
I en Vicent va dir, no, no, esto te voy a contar yo lo que es.
And Vicent said, no, no, I'm going to tell you what this is.
I vas fabricar ja, d'entrada, una situació d'un sopar familiar on està la iaia asseguda a la butaca
And you already created, at the outset, a situation of a family dinner where the grandmother is sitting in the armchair.
i arriba el net, un net adult com de la nostra edat, i la iaia li diu això, per què?
And then the grandson arrives, a grown grandson about our age, and the grandmother tells him this, why?
El que caga aquí és la iaia, li diu.
What shits here is the granny, he tells him.
Per què? Perquè veu el net arribar i diu, hòstia, el minieto, el meu net, quantes coses hem viscut,
Why? Because he sees the grandson arriving and says, damn, the little one, my grandson, how many things we have lived through.
quantes coses, que petit era, era molt petitonet, me'n recordo encara quan li canviava els bolquers, tal, no sé què.
so many things, how small he was, he was very little, I still remember when I changed his diapers, like, I don't know what.
Recorda com molts moments, però recorda especialment com li canviava els bolquers.
Remember many moments, but especially remember how he changed his diapers.
I clar, es vol referir a ell, vol enfortir com el vincle, no?
And of course, he wants to refer to himself, he wants to strengthen the bond, right?
Com dir, hòstia, jo estic aquí des que te cagaves.
How to say, damn, I've been here since you were shitting yourself.
I diu, el que caga, referint-se al net, el que caga, el que caga aquí és la iaia.
And he says, the one who shits, referring to the grandson, the one who shits, the one who shits here is the grandma.
En plan de, aquí està la iaia.
In the sense of, here is grandma.
La iaia, la iaia, la iaia està aquí per a ti, per a cuidar-te, per a abraçar-te.
The grandma, the grandma, the grandma is here for you, to take care of you, to hug you.
El que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandmother.
I ens va fer moltíssim riure, no només la frase, el que caga aquí és la iaia,
And it made us laugh a lot, not just the phrase, what shits here is the grandma.
sinó el fet que tots dos haguessin vist tan clar per què la iaia estava dient això.
but the fact that both of them had seen so clearly why grandma was saying this.
Acte seguit, vam tenir reunió amb en Pau.
Immediately afterwards, we had a meeting with Pau.
Vaig arribar jo, no sé si va ser el mateix dia que vosaltres estàveu gravant al matí,
I arrived, I don't know if it was the same day that you were recording in the morning,
després vaig arribar jo, oi que sí?
Then I arrived, right?
Teníem reunió, crec que a la tarda, i nosaltres abans vam gravar això
We had a meeting, I think in the afternoon, and we recorded this before.
i després ens vam connectar amb tu per videotrucada.
And then we connected with you via video call.
I el primer que et vam dir és, espera un moment, abans de parlar de negocis,
And the first thing we said to you is, wait a moment, before talking business,
què vol dir per tu el que caga aquí és la iaia?
What does it mean to you that the one who poops here is grandma?
Però ja vam plantejar-ho com, és això, hi ha un sopar familiar,
But we already suggested it like that, it is this, there is a family dinner,
la iaia està al menjador, arriba el net, la iaia veu el net i li diu
Grandma is in the living room, the grandson arrives, Grandma sees the grandson and says to him.
el que caga aquí és la iaia, què ha volgut dir?
What the grandmother is doing here, what does she mean?
Tu te'n recordes del que vas contestar?
Do you remember what you answered?
Sí, sí, perfectament.
Yes, yes, perfectly.
Sisplau.
Please.
Per mi, el que caga aquí és la iaia, el que caga aquí és la iaia,
For me, the one who shits here is the grandma, the one who shits here is the grandma.
vol dir que la iaia està allà,
it means that the grandmother is there,
asseguda, asseguda, preparada perquè arribin els convidats,
seated, seated, ready for the guests to arrive,
arriba al net i té una cosa molt clara a la ment, té una cosa molt clara,
he arrives at the clear and has something very clear in mind, he has something very clear,
i per no oblidar-se'n, la dona està tot el temps pensant el mateix,
and to not forget it, the woman is constantly thinking the same thing,
que és, tinc dos vàters a casa, un vàter està estropeat,
What it is, I have two toilets at home, one toilet is broken,
aquest vàter no el pot usar ningú, el puc usar jo perquè sé com va,
nobody can use this toilet, I can use it because I know how it works,
però els convidats, tot el món ha d'usar el segon vàter, d'acord?
But the guests, everyone has to use the second bathroom, okay?
I llavors arriba un convidat i es posa nerviosa i el primer que diu és
And then a guest arrives and she gets nervous and the first thing she says is
el que caga aquí és la iaia, com per dir-li, aquest vàter només el puc usar jo.
What shits here is my grandma, as if to say, this toilet can only be used by me.
Ah.
Ah.
Usar el otro, pero se le cruzan los cables, está ya mayor y estaba tan concentrada
Use the other one, but her wires got crossed, she's already older and was so focused.
en no olvidárselo que el que caga aquí és la iaia, i ja està.
Don't forget that the one who shits here is the grandma, and that's it.
És això el que vol dir per mi.
Is this what it means to me?
Atabalada, atabalada.
Overwhelmed, overwhelmed.
Això es va convertir en una cosa que ens anàvem dient els uns als altres,
This became something we kept telling each other,
i de fet tinc una sorpresa per vosaltres, no sé si us en recordeu.
And in fact, I have a surprise for you, I don't know if you remember it.
Hòstia.
Holy shit.
Pau, si vas al full 2 del full de càlcul que tenim.
Pau, if you go to sheet 2 of the spreadsheet we have.
Ai, hòstia, hi ha un full 2?
Oh, damn, is there a page 2?
Sí.
Yes.
Què hi ha aquest full 2?
What is on this page 2?
Hòstia, hi ha dues sorpreses, eh?
Wow, there are two surprises, huh?
Hi ha dues, eh? Dues caixetes.
There are two, right? Two little boxes.
Hi ha dues missatges de WhatsApp que van arribar el dia següent
There are two WhatsApp messages that arrived the next day.
del que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandma.
En el nostre grup de tots tres.
In our group of all three.
Oh, hola.
Oh, hello.
No me'n recordo, vale.
I don't remember, okay.
Obro la surprise 1, a ver què passa, vale.
I open the surprise 1, let's see what happens, okay.
El que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who poops here is Grandma.
Quin collons, Vincent.
What the hell, Vincent.
I això, després hi ha una resposta que va arribar dos minuts més tard.
And this, after that there is a response that arrived two minutes later.
Hòstia.
Holy shit.
El que se caga aquí és la iaia.
What shits here is the grandmother.
Cuidado, perquè un diu el que caga és la iaia
Be careful, because what one says is what the grandmother shits.
i l'altre el que se caga aquí és la iaia.
And the other one that shits here is the grandmother.
Sí, sí, és la iaia, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, it's grandma, yes, yes.
Afortunadament, jo, el dia que va sortir
Fortunately, I, the day that it came out
el que caga aquí és la iaia, morta de riure,
the one who poops here is grandma, dead laughing,
sense gairebé no poder escriure,
without barely being able to write,
em vaig apuntar el que caga aquí és la iaia en un pòstit.
I wrote down that the one who poops here is the grandmother in a post.
I me'l vaig posar a l'agenda.
I wrote it down in my agenda.
Jo, durant un temps, mesos, cada vegada que obria l'agenda,
I, for a time, months, every time I opened the planner,
el meu punt de pàgina era un pòstit que deia
my bookmark was a post-it that said
el que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who poops here is grandma.
I així no vam perdre l'essència real
And so we did not lose the real essence.
d'el que caga aquí és la iaia.
It's the grandmother who poops here.
De fet, crec que tinc la foto del pòstit que us vaig enviar
In fact, I think I have the photo of the postcard that I sent you.
perquè jo no ho sabia.
because I didn't know.
Jo vaig veure els vostres missatges quan estava dinant
I saw your messages when I was having lunch.
i és la foto del pòstit
And it is the photo of the post.
amb un paquet, un recipient d'humus
with a package, a container of humus
que em va regalar en Vicent aquell dia.
what Vicent gave me that day.
És veritat, és veritat.
It's true, it's true.
Recordo la foto del teu pòstit, sí?
I remember the photo of your post, right?
Doncs allà està, allà està la conservació
Well, there it is, there is the conservation.
de la frase original, el que caga aquí és la iaia.
From the original sentence, the one who poops here is the grandmother.
Molt bé.
Very well.
Sin distorsionar.
Without distortion.
A partir d'aquí hem creat un univers, el iaia verso.
From here we have created a universe, the grandma verse.
Correcte, estem fent el iaia verso.
Correct, we are doing the grandma verse.
A partir d'aquí hem començat a preguntar-li
From here on, we started asking him.
a gent que coneixem
the people we know
què vol dir el que caga aquí és la iaia
what it means is that the grandmother poops here
i quan tornem a veure-ho.
And when will we see it again?
Quan tornem amb una història nova
When do we return with a new story?
ens la venim a explicar els uns als altres
we come to explain it to each other
i avui hem fet un recopilatori.
And today we made a compilation.
Ens hi hem demanat a tots els nostres col·legues
We have asked all our colleagues about it.
que ens enviïn àudios de WhatsApp
to send us WhatsApp audio messages
amb les seves versions del que caga aquí és la iaia
with her versions of what the grandma shits here
i us els portem
and we bring them to you
per gaudir, per compartir amb el món
to enjoy, to share with the world
això que és necessari,
this is necessary,
que no ens pot quedar a casa.
that we cannot stay at home.
Ho veig com un test d'error, Xac.
I see it as a test of error, Xac.
Ho veig com que algú revela
I see it as someone revealing.
part de la seva personalitat quan explica
part of her personality when she explains
què vol dir el que caga aquí és la iaia.
What does it mean "the one who poops here is grandma."
Abans de res, els nostres amics
First of all, our friends
que sapigueu que no han entrat tots els àudios.
That you should know that not all the audio files have been included.
Alguns, com que hi ha històries
Some, as there are stories.
que es repetien bastant sovint,
that repeated quite often,
els hem hagut d'escursar o retirar
we have had to shorten or remove them
de la taula de joc, em sap greu,
from the game table, I'm sorry,
però hi ha varietat,
but there is variety,
hi ha bastanta teca aquí.
There is quite a bit of food here.
Ui, sí, hi ha històries, mare meva.
Oh, yes, there are stories, my goodness.
Avui fem un call-in show amb els nostres amics
Today we are doing a call-in show with our friends.
i la iaia.
and the grandmother.
Crec que també és guai
I think it's also cool.
que els àudios que hem rebut
that the audios we have received
cadascú no els hem ensenyat
we have not taught each one of them
als altres.
to others.
Estem tots expectants a veure què.
We are all excited to see what happens.
Jo només he escoltat els que m'han enviat
I have only listened to those who have sent me.
a mi, però clar.
me, but of course.
Tenim un Excel que estem veient tots
We have an Excel file that we are all looking at.
així com amb una classificació de totes les iaies
just like with a classification of all the grandmothers
amb una petita sinopsi
with a small synopsis
de cada explicació, perquè les hem ordenat
of each explanation, because we have organized them
una mica com ens semblava més adequat,
a little as it seemed more appropriate to us,
però a part d'això no sabem res, no hem sentit les veus
but apart from that we know nothing, we haven't heard the voices
de ningú a part de les que ens han arribat a nosaltres.
from nobody except those that have reached us.
Què? Som-hi?
What? Shall we go?
Som-hi? Vinga.
Shall we? Come on.
Comencem per
Let's start with
una descripció bastant
a rather description
popular del que és la iaia
popular of what the grandmother is
que vària gent ens ha enviat, n'escoltarem uns quants,
that several people have sent us, we will listen to a few of them,
el primer que sentirem
the first thing we will hear
és el meu amic Àlex,
he is my friend Alex,
col·laborador de Boris i Zulfuric.
collaborator of Boris and Zulfuric.
Señorito Griffin, cuánto tiempo.
Mr. Griffin, how long it's been.
A ver qué nos cuenta.
Let's see what they tell us.
Oye, quien caga aquí soy yo, la que manda soy yo,
Hey, the one who takes a dump here is me, the one in charge is me.
the boss, I'm the boss bitch.
the boss, I'm the boss bitch.
Es la fácil.
It's the easy one.
La que caga aquí soy yo,
I'm the one who messes up here,
es que
it's that
aquí la que manda
here the one who rules
y la ama de la casa soy yo.
And I am the mistress of the house.
The boss,
The boss,
I'm the boss bitch.
I'm the boss bitch.
Sí, correcte.
Yes, correct.
No, ya no hay más
No, there are no more.
historia. El que caga aquí soy yo.
history. The one who shits here is me.
I'm the boss bitch. Ya está.
I'm the boss bitch. That's it.
Fàcil. El que caga aquí es la iaia
Easy. The one who shits here is the grandmother.
es una declaración de principios.
It is a statement of principles.
Quien manda aquí soy yo. Me cago aquí
Who rules here is me. I crap here.
porque puedo. Ya está.
Because I can. That's it.
Iaia expeditiva. El que caga aquí soy yo
Grandma is practical. The one who poops here is me.
se ha acabado. Però aquí hi ha un fet
It’s over. But here is a fact.
que es repeteix bastant, que és que
that repeats quite a bit, which is that
ha ignorat per complet l'article masculí.
he has completely ignored the masculine article.
L'Àlex. Hi ha molta gent que
Alex. There are many people who
sent el que caga aquí és la iaia i
the one who poops here is the grandmother and
automàticament ho corregeix com
it automatically corrects it as
la que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who poops here is grandma.
Aquí a mi m'interessa
Here I'm interested.
la gent que ho veu o no ho veu.
the people who see it or do not see it.
Hi ha gent que fa
There are people who do
incís exactament en això i crec que ja hi arribarem.
it touches exactly on this and I believe we will get there.
Però és interessant, és molt interessant.
But it is interesting, it is very interesting.
Després tenim l'Imevia Miggy
Then we have Imevia Miggy.
Nate que també va pensar
Nate who also thought
en aquí Manu i jo, però li va
Here are Manu and me, but it goes to him.
donar un petit twist d'entrada
give a little twist at the beginning
de com ho reps quan t'ho diu una persona gran
how you receive it when an elderly person tells you
de la teva família. Es va posar una mica a la pell del net.
of your family. He put himself a bit in the grandson's shoes.
Em fa molta gràcia el plantejament ja
I find the approach very amusing already.
de base perquè és una situació que crec
basically because it's a situation that I believe
que passa bastant amb el jovent
what happens quite often with the youth
i quan has de parlar amb les iaies.
And when do you have to talk to the grandmothers?
Hi ha ius i ets molt grans.
There are ius and you are very big.
Que és bàsicament un
What is basically a
és això una dita popular
Is this a popular saying?
simplement que és antiga i no la conec?
just that it is old and I don't know it?
O és que t'ho has tret del cul això?
Or have you pulled that out of your ass?
Bueno, mai millor dita, eh?
Well, never better said, huh?
I la primera impressió que em dona
And the first impression that it gives me
és com una expressió de
it's like an expression of
que l'estatus quo està mantingut
that the status quo is maintained
i que ella segueix el cap.
and that she follows the head.
Bàsicament, la que caga aquí és la iaia.
Basically, the one who messes up here is the grandma.
És un, doncs com sempre, i jo aquí
It's one, as always, and I'm here.
portant-ho tot, saps? El que toca.
Taking everything into account, you know? What needs to be done.
Que també és molt català, com...
That is also very Catalan, like...
Hòstia.
Holy shit.
Les dites escatològiques no són necessàriament
The so-called eschatological are not necessarily
negatives en la nostra cultura.
negatives in our culture.
Que tenim el caganer ahí como nuestro santo.
We have the caganer there as our saint.
Nuestro santo.
Our saint.
Clar, és català.
Of course, it's Catalan.
El que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandma.
M'agrada, m'agrada. És una dita popular
I like it, I like it. It's a popular saying.
i no me la sé, i bueno, da igual.
And I don't know it, and well, it doesn't matter.
Li hem de seguir la veta a la iaia.
We have to follow the trail to grandma.
Com si t'hagués dit, qui no vol pols que no vagi a l'era?
As if I had told you, who doesn't want dust should not go to the threshing floor?
Doncs el que caga aquí és la iaia.
Well, the one who poops here is the grandma.
És que la mauela és molt de dir coses
It's just that the grandmother is very talkative.
d'aquest estil
of this style
del rollo
of the roll
ella no té ni merda en les tripes.
She doesn't have a clue.
Ai, sí, ai.
Oh, yes, oh.
Ojo, si és veritat, eh? Aquesta ens la vas dir
Careful, if it's true, huh? You told us this one.
i ja me n'havien descuidat, gràcies.
And they had already forgotten about me, thank you.
Sí, sí, sí. L'Inei té molta raó
Yes, yes, yes. Inei is very right.
en que dites escatològiques
in what eschatological sayings
són molt comunes
they are very common
i podria ser-ho perfectament, eh?
I could perfectly be it, right?
Exacte, exacte.
Exactly, exactly.
El que clar, és poc català quan és
What is clear is that he is not very Catalan when he is.
el que caga aquí és la iaia en castellano, però bueno.
What shits here is the grandma in Spanish, but oh well.
Jo què sé, sí, sí. Una catalanada...
I don’t know, yes, yes. A Catalan thing...
Podria ser una catalanada el que caga aquí
It could be a Catalanism that someone shits here.
és la iaia, eh? Absolutament.
It's the grandmother, right? Absolutely.
Molt bé. M'agrada molt
Very good. I like it a lot.
la imatge de la
the image of the
piràmide, no?, de Mando, de la família
pyramid, right?, of Mando, of the family
i la iaia des de dalt, como cagando.
and grandma from above, like she's taking a shit.
I que li da igual
And he doesn't care.
a qui li caigui la merda perquè ella
whoever it may concern because of her
és qui és a dalt. M'agrada bastant.
he is who he is up there. I quite like it.
L'estatus quo està mantingut,
The status quo is maintained,
com diu l'Inei. Sí, sí, sí. Tal qual.
as Inei says. Yes, yes, yes. Just like that.
Molt bé. Després passem a la nostra
Very well. Later we move on to ours.
benvolguda veríssida Laia García.
dear veríssida Laia García.
Que manté
That maintains
la Quima Nulló, però
Quima Nulló, but
ja fa com una petita transició
it's already like a little transition
a el que seran
to what they will be
les properes explicacions. Escoltem-la, sisplau.
the next explanations. Let's listen to her, please.
A veure. A veure, Laia, què ens expliques?
Let's see. Let's see, Laia, what do you want to tell us?
Doncs a mi el primer que em ve al cap és que la iaia
Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is that Grandma
és la jefa, la iaia és la puta,
she is the boss, grandma is the whore,
no? És quien tiene la sartén
No? It's the one who has the frying pan.
por el mango. Pero que a veces, pues,
through the handle. But sometimes, well,
se caga también un poquito, literal.
It also shits a little, literally.
Eso.
That.
Es lo que ha impresión.
It's what has impressed.
Ya está. A veces se caga un poco, eh?
That's it. Sometimes it messes up a bit, huh?
Literal. A veces se caga
Literal. Sometimes it shits.
un poco, literal. Hostia.
A little, literally. Damn.
Poderío con incontinencia,
Power with incontinence,
¿no? Es en plan de, eh,
No? It's like, eh,
a ver, la literalidad de la frase,
let's see, the literalness of the phrase,
la literalidad de la frase, claro.
the literalness of the phrase, of course.
Hem tingut bastantes iaies cagades,
We have had quite a few screwed-up grandmothers.
vull dir, la iaia cagada anirà sortint.
I mean, the messed-up grandma will start coming out.
És una cosa que la gent dona
It is something that people give.
com a altra explicació
as another explanation
dins de la seva explicació gran, també.
within her great explanation, too.
Que és fàcil, vull dir, és potser
What is easy, I mean, is perhaps
també, igual que a Quima Nulló
also, just like to Quima Nulló
m'he cagat a sobre, són les dues, potser, que
I've shit myself, it's two o'clock, maybe, that
més aviat et venen al cap. Són les més literals
They sell you sooner. They are the most literal.
que treus de la frase, sí, sí.
What do you take from the sentence, yes, yes.
Va, aquí el meu amic Adri ha fet una espècie
Come on, here my friend Adri has made a kind of
de performance art, que és que
of performance art, which is that
ha fet el paper del net quan la iaia
she has played the role of the granddaughter when grandma
li diu això. Hostia. Si la voleu escoltar,
he says this. Wow. If you want to listen to her,
és molt, jo al principi no ho vaig entendre, eh.
It's a lot, I didn't understand it at first, you know.
Escoltem, escoltem l'Adri.
Let's listen, let's listen to Adri.
Vale, vale, vale. La iaia,
Okay, okay, okay. The grandma,
sí que cal la iaia.
yes, we do need the grandmother.
Sempre cal la iaia.
Grandma is always needed.
Crec.
I believe.
Sisplau, no caguis,
Please, don’t shit.
iaia.
grandma.
Sisplau, ja t'has cagat, iaia.
Please, have you already pooped, grandma?
Ja! Primer,
Yes! First,
com entenc, fa com que el net
As I understand it, it makes it seem like the grandson.
ho entenc malament, sí que cal la iaia.
I understand it wrong, yes, we need the grandmother.
Hostia. I després se n'adona que s'està cagant
Holy shit. And then he realizes that he is shitting himself.
a sobre. Hostia.
on top. Holy shit.
No et caguis, no et caguis, iaia.
Don't shit yourself, don't shit yourself, grandma.
M'encanta.
I love it.
A més, rebre això
Furthermore, receive this
de bones a primeres, quan t'estàs esperant
Right from the start, when you’re waiting for it.
no, bueno, jo ho interpreto com a tal. Sí, sí, sí.
No, well, I interpret it as such. Yes, yes, yes.
La iaia, sí que cal la iaia.
The grandmother, yes, we really need the grandmother.
Ai.
Oh.
Em va pillar en bragas, en absolut
It caught me off guard, absolutely.
bragas, la iaia cagada, però
panties, grandma messed up, but
des del punt de vista del net, no me l'esperava
From the grandchild's point of view, I didn't expect it.
gens. I després,
nothing. And then,
a continuació, una
next, a
variant de la iaia cagada,
variant of the sh*t grandma,
que és la de la meva amiga Joana, que em va
that is from my friend Joana, who is going to me
donar una resposta, com a periodista, que és la Joana,
give an answer, as a journalist, who is Joana,
clara, concisa i concreta.
clear, concise, and specific.
Som-hi. El net, tot i ser un
Let's go. The grandson, despite being a
adult, entra pixat i cagat
adult, comes in peeing and shitting
i desperta la indignació de la iaia,
and awaken the grandmother's indignation,
que efectivament és l'única que caga.
that indeed is the only one that poops.
Hostia!
Holy shit!
Però a més veus, o sigui, és
But also you see, I mean, it is
una notícia, esto, eh? Sí, sí, sí.
A piece of news, this, huh? Yes, yes, yes.
Un telediario, o sigui, és increïble.
A news bulletin, I mean, is incredible.
Sí, sí. Per TV Costa Brava,
Yes, yes. For TV Costa Brava,
iaia cagada. El net entra
grandma shit. The grandson enters
cagat i pixat.
pooped and peed.
Despertant la indignació
Awakening indignation
de la iaia, que efectivament
from Grandma, who indeed
és l'única que pixa i caga.
she's the only one who pees and poops.
Increïble!
Incredible!
Grutals, grutals. Gràcies, Joana.
Grutals, grutals. Thank you, Joana.
Despertant la
Waking her up
indignació de la iaia. Sí, sí.
indignation of the grandmother. Yes, yes.
O sigui, ens ha llegit un titular.
So, we have read a headline.
La deformació professional de la Joana.
The professional deformation of Joana.
Fantàstic. Ai, m'encanta!
Fantastic. Oh, I love it!
Doncs aquestes potser són les
Well, these might be the
més bàsiques, no? Sí. Aquí hem passat per
more basic, right? Yes. Here we have gone through
les boss bitches, basic bitches,
the boss bitches, basic bitches,
i ja ens comencem a endinsar
and we are starting to delve in
en la selva de les explicacions
in the jungle of explanations
una mica més rebuscades. Sí, a l'Àlex
a little more contrived. Yes, to Alex
la que hem sentit abans era la segona
What we heard earlier was the second one.
opció que m'havia enviat, però m'ha enviat
option that you had sent me, but you have sent me
una altra opció abans d'aquesta
another option before this one
que té a veure amb el que hem estat sentint ara
what does it have to do with what we have been feeling now
les últimes, però va
the last ones, but go on
una mica, va una mica més enllà.
a little, it goes a little further.
Li dóna més explicació tot plegat.
It all gives him/her more explanation.
A veure, que el nieto
Let's see, the grandson
o algun familiar
or some relative
que hace visitas regulares
that makes regular visits
a la iaia, ha echado
to the grandma, she has thrown
tal mojón, ha echado tal
such a mess, has made such
mojón, que no
crap, no
la diste al
you gave it to
sosterra.
withhold.
No tragaba. No tragaba,
I couldn't swallow. I couldn't swallow.
no tragaba y hubo
I couldn't swallow and there was.
una embulsadera allá que
a blabbermouth there that
no había manera de tragar ya.
there was no way to swallow anymore.
Y pues el
And well, he
muchacho barra muchacha
boy bar girl
quien lo hubiera hecho, ni se dio
Who would have done it, didn't even realize.
con lo típico que tiras la cadena y te
with the typical thing of flushing the toilet and you
piensas que se lo ha tragado, te
do you think she swallowed it, you
vas, y la pobre iaia ha estado
you go, and the poor grandmother has been
ahí muchas horas ahí rascando y rascando
there are many hours there scratching and scratching
y se va embozando la mierda.
And the shit is getting covered up.
Muy literal, bastante literal también.
Very literal, quite literal as well.
Muy literal, muy literal, pero claro,
Very literal, very literal, but of course,
me agrada como a bronca, ¿eh?
I like it like a scolding, huh?
Ojo, claro, eso significa que el que
Watch out, of course, that means that whoever
caga aquí es la iaia a modo de bronca.
"Poop here, this is grandma as a scolding."
Si te has cagado tú, lo he arreglado yo.
If you messed up, I fixed it.
Aquí es un poco el mensaje.
Here is a bit of the message.
Aquí no vuelve a cagar nadie porque
Here no one will shit again because
la que me habéis liado, sí, sí.
the mess you've gotten me into, yes, yes.
Bueno, el meu col·lega Jordi, xiner,
Well, my colleague Jordi, a Chinese.
Jordi...
Jordi...
Jordi! També, per a ell
Jordi! Also, for him
també la iaia va
also the grandmother goes
al lavabo, també, pero per una
in the bathroom, too, but for one
cuestión diferent. Poden ser dos coses,
different matter. They can be two things,
però te la resumiré en una.
but I'll summarize it for you in one.
Han estat de dinar familiar
They have had a family lunch.
i el xiquet se n'ha anat un moment.
And the boy has gone for a moment.
Se n'ha anat al vàter,
He has gone to the bathroom.
a l'únic vàter que n'hi ha en tota
to the only bathroom there is in the whole
la casa,
the house,
i s'ha pegat una bona pona després
and has had a good time afterwards
de l'arròs de fesols i naps
of the rice with beans and turnips
que havia preparat l'auela.
that Grandma had prepared.
En algun moment,
At some point,
mentre tornava, l'auela ha anat a
while returning, the grandmother has gone to
olorar a vore.
To smell of sight.
¡Hostia!
Holy shit!
Y claro, antes de que tornara,
And of course, before he returned,
l'auela ha tornat a sentar-se
The grandmother has sat down again.
a la taula per poder dir-li al xiquet
at the table to be able to tell the boy
el que caga així és la iaia
the one who shits like that is grandma
i ningú més.
and no one else.
És l'única brain training
It is the only brain training.
que jo li puc treure
that I can take from him/her
a això. Podria ser
to this. It could be
una altra cosa que ella estiguera
another thing that she was
sentada en una espècie de cadira
sitting in a kind of chair
orinal, i que ell
urinal, and that he
s'hagués enganyat de cadira
he would have been mistaken for a chair
i li digués
and I told him/her
el que caga així
the one who shits like this
perquè ella estava un poquet dement.
because she was a little bit crazy.
És la primera
It's the first.
millor que la segona. Però, ojo,
better than the second. But, watch out,
la cadira orinal m'agrada molt.
I really like the potty chair.
La cadira orinal, tio.
The potty chair, dude.
La cadira orinal m'agrada molt com a concepte.
I really like the concept of the potty chair.
No, no, aquí no. No te sientes ahí.
No, no, not here. Don't sit there.
El que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who poops here is the grandma.
Hostia. Interessant que...
Holy shit. Interesting that...
Tu li vas dir que era un xiquet, el net,
You told him that he was a boy, the grandson,
perquè jo et deia sempre que era un net adult.
because I always told you that I was an adult grandchild.
Jo deia que era un net.
I said I was a grandson.
Jo deia un net.
I said a grandson.
Però clar, ella ha rebut clar que és veritat
But of course, she has clearly understood that it is true.
que si penses en net, penses en...
that if you think clearly, you think of...
Sí, però bueno, cadascú ho interpreta
Yes, but well, everyone interprets it differently.
com absolutament vol. La història en general
as absolutely desired. The story in general
que crec que ja està de la gràcia, també.
that I think is already out of grace, too.
Sí, sí. Total, total.
Yes, yes. Totally, totally.
Així que no, no. Molt bé, molt bé.
So no, no. Very good, very good.
Molt bé les dues. M'han agradat molt les dues del Jordi.
Very good both. I really liked both of Jordi's.
Però va a olorar, va a olorar.
But it's going to smell, it's going to smell.
Sí, sí, exacte. Va a olorar. A veure què...
Yes, yes, exactly. It will smell. Let's see what...
A veure què onda.
Let's see what's up.
És la boss bitch i tiene que saber
She is the boss bitch and you need to know it.
cuando caga cada persona en su casa a qué huele.
When each person poops in their house, what does it smell like?
Ella està al càrrec de tots.
She is in charge of everyone.
Controlant el ventre de la família.
Controlling the family's belly.
Exacte.
Exactly.
Arròs espressol i nap, eh?
Rice and turnip, huh?
Això també. Un detall especifiquíssim.
This too. A very specific detail.
M'agrada perquè, o sigui,
I like it because, like,
m'agrada perquè a mi m'encanta
I like it because I love it.
l'escatologia. Com a cosa còmica
eschatology. As a comedic thing
m'encanta l'escatologia.
I love eschatology.
I és increïble
And it's incredible.
la de coses que ens ha dit
the things that she has told us
la gent, explícites
the people, explicit
només per això.
just for that.
Jordi diu, es pega una bona a aponar.
Jordi says he is going to have a good time eating.
Es pega una bona a aponar.
It gets a good beating.
A aponar-se en valencià és posar-se
To "aponar-se" in Valencian means to get ready or to prepare oneself.
com, saps? Aixina en el cul.
Like, you know? Just like that in the ass.
A xerrancar-se. Quan cagues
To crack up. When you laughed.
en el camp, t'apones. Ah, jo em pensava
In the field, you oppose. Ah, I thought.
que aponar-se seria cagar.
that complaining would be whining.
Es pega una bona a aponar.
It gets a good hit when it lands.
Un bon trunyà. No, però sí.
A good mess. No, but yes.
Però bueno, és la pose.
But well, it’s the pose.
La pose de cagar. La pose.
The pose to shit. The pose.
Pose caganer. Vale. Ara,
Place the caganer. Okay. Now,
la meva cosina, l'Agnès, també va
my cousin, Agnès, is going too
una mica pel camí de gente
a little along the path of people
cagandose encima del todo,
shitting all over everything,
pero al final aquí tenemos
but in the end here we have
una punta de diamante
a diamond tip
que asoma.
that peeks out.
El net, quan ha arribat,
The grandson, when he arrived,
s'ha fotut un pet
he has let out a fart
que fot tanta pudor que abans
that stinks so much more than before
de poder saludar o dir res, l'àvia
of being able to greet or say anything, the grandmother
li ha dit, el que caga aquí és la iaia
he told her, the one who shits here is grandma
per dir-li, ep,
to tell him, hey,
vés a cagar a una altra banda.
go shit somewhere else.
Els pets aquí fora.
The farts out here.
I com a comentari adicional
And as an additional comment
he de dir que l'àvia deu ser
I have to say that the grandmother must be
bigènere, possiblement,
bigener, possibly,
o alguna cosa així, perquè clar,
or something like that, because of course,
dir el que caga aquí és la iaia,
the one who poops here is the grandma,
si ets una dona
if you are a woman
diries
you would say
la que caga aquí és la iaia,
the one who poops here is the grandma,
però si diu el que caga aquí és la iaia
but if it’s said that it’s the grandmother who poops here
és que aquí hi ha alguna
is there something here
cosa, eh? I ja està.
Thing, huh? And that's it.
Hi ha alguna cosa.
There is something.
Hay algo, hay algo.
There is something, there is something.
Aquí hay algo, eh? La iaia es un huevito
Here's something, huh? Grandma is a little egg.
a punto de abrirse aquí.
about to open here.
La Inés, com a traductora de català,
Inés, as a Catalan translator,
ole, la que caga aquí,
wow, the one who poops here,
no, el que caga aquí.
no, the one who shits here.
El que caga, el que caga.
He who poops, he who poops.
També he de dir que és veritat que fer servir
I also have to say that it's true that using
pronoms diferents els que d'entrada
different pronouns than at first
semblaria que es corresponen amb el teu gènere
it would seem that they correspond with your gender
pot ser una indicació d'aquests trans,
it may be an indication of these trans,
però jo també conec gent cis,
but I also know cis people,
per exemple, conec homes cis
for example, I know cis men
que fan servir pronoms femenins
that use feminine pronouns
des d'un punt de vista totalment feminista
from a totally feminist point of view
i des del fer servir el femení més sovint.
and from using the feminine more often.
O sigui que, pueden ser muchas cosas.
So, it can be many things.
Aquí hay algo, potser també
Here's something, maybe also.
és un tema polític de la iaia, jo què sé.
It's a political issue of the grandmother, I don't know.
Però sí, sí,
But yes, yes,
m'agrada la identitat de gènere de la iaia
I like my grandmother's gender identity.
i descobrint-se a la tercera edat.
and discovering oneself in old age.
Correcte, de cop.
Correct, all of a sudden.
Y además como para anunciarlo a la familia.
And also as if to announce it to the family.
Discretamente.
Discreetly.
Salir del armario
Come out of the closet
diciendo el que caga aquí es la iaia
saying that the one who shits here is the grandma
y tú tienes que entender, no, es que soy trans.
And you have to understand, no, it's just that I am trans.
Li fots la bronca al net
You scold the grandchild.
sortint de l'armari, tota la vegada.
coming out of the closet, all at once.
Perquè s'ha tirat un pet.
Because he/she has farted.
És que m'ha agradat també el detall d'abans de saludar
I also liked the detail of greeting beforehand.
ni res, en plan de...
nothing, in the sense of...
El que caga aquí es la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandmother.
Queda clar, no?
It's clear, isn't it?
Ara us posaré el de la meva amiga Lucía.
Now I will show you my friend Lucía's.
Estamos rozando el tema trans aquí también.
We are touching on the trans topic here as well.
A ver qué os parece.
Let's see what you think.
Como salida del armario esto.
Like this coming out of the closet.
A ver ahora.
Let's see now.
A mí se me vinieron dos conceptos a la cabeza
Two concepts came to my mind.
con este audio.
with this audio.
Porque, claro, se me vino
Because, of course, it came to me.
el directamente el de identidad
the directly the identity
de el que la caga aquí
of the one who messes up here
es la iaia, no?
It's the grandmother, right?
Que se refiere a sí misma
That refers to herself.
como género masculino.
as the masculine gender.
Entonces se me vienen
Then they come to me.
dos conceptos a la cabeza.
two concepts in mind.
Tanto el de género
Both the gender
que es eso de que
What is that about that
si se siente identificada
if she identifies with it
con el género masculino
with the masculine gender
y luego que claro
and then what clear
si con el nieto
yes with the grandson
se le reconoce como la iaia
she is recognized as the grandmother
pues para que la entienda, no?
Well, so that she understands it, right?
Vale, vale.
Okay, okay.
Aunque también aquí, pero por si acaso lo aclaro
Although also here, but just to make it clear.
en Colombia cuando nosotros nos equivocamos
In Colombia when we make mistakes.
decimos como un poco la expresión
we say a little like the expression
la cagué.
I messed up.
Entonces
Then
yo creo que se refiere a
I think it refers to
como que de pronto le dice
as if suddenly he tells her
al nieto, no te preocupes
Don't worry, grandson.
porque tú nunca te vas a equivocar
because you will never be wrong
porque en esta casa
because in this house
cuando entras
when you enter
la única persona que se equivoca
the only person who is wrong
es la iaia.
it's the grandmother.
Por más de que hagas cosas
No matter how much you do things
de equivocarse
to make a mistake
nunca te vas a equivocar
You will never be wrong.
porque la única que se equivoca
because the only one who is wrong
o sea que hace algo malo
So he's doing something wrong.
es la iaia.
it's the grandmother.
Tú jamás harás nada malo independientemente
You will never do anything wrong independently.
rompas vasos, platos, no?
You break glasses, plates, right?
De pronto yo creo que es un poco
Suddenly I think it's a little bit.
la reflexión que le quería hacer la abuela de
the reflection that the grandmother wanted to make about
tú aquí en esta casa
you here in this house
nunca harás nada malo.
You will never do anything wrong.
Assumeix la responsabilitat
Take responsibility.
d'absolutament tot el que fas.
of absolutely everything you do.
Amor i aïll, no et preocupis.
Love and isolation, don't worry.
Amor i aïll incondicional i trans.
Love and unconditional isolation and trans.
Increïble, eh?
Incredible, huh?
Son muchas cosas.
There are many things.
Es lo más bonito del mundo, la iaia trans
It's the most beautiful thing in the world, the trans grandma.
que quiere mucho a su nieto.
who loves his grandson very much.
Bueno, el iaio trans.
Well, the grandpa trans.
És que de fet jo tinc un amic que just ahir
It's just that I actually have a friend who just yesterday
estava parlant d'això que ell és un noi trans
I was talking about how he is a trans guy.
però té un nebot com súper petit
but he has a super little nephew
que encara li diu tia.
that still calls her aunt.
El nen està acostumat a dir-li tia
The boy is used to calling her aunt.
aleshores fins que no tingui una mica més
then until I have a little more
de capacitat d'entendre aquestes coses
of the ability to understand these things
no l'hi explicarà. I és una mica el que està fent la iaia.
She won't explain it to him. And it's a bit what the grandmother is doing.
Poquito a poco, cuchaladitas.
Little by little, spoonfuls.
Para que el niño
So that the child
se lo entienda.
let it be understood.
Soy la iaia pero soy el que caga.
I am the grandmother but I am the one who poops.
És molt cuqui aquesta interpretació.
This interpretation is very cute.
No m'esperava
I didn't expect it.
que atreviríem una cosa tan tendra del que caga
What would we dare to do with something so tender about what it shits?
qui és la iaia. Jo tampoc, jo tampoc.
Who is the grandma? Me neither, me neither.
La veritat que estic molt content.
The truth is that I am very happy.
No m'esperava aquest sentiment, aquesta emoció.
I didn't expect this feeling, this emotion.
Gràcies, Lucía.
Thank you, Lucía.
Anem amb la Marta.
We are going with Marta.
La Marta també s'ha imaginat
Marta has also imagined.
una àvia que dona recolzament
a grandmother who provides support
al nen.
to the boy.
La meva teoria és que és una iaia
My theory is that she is a grandmother.
que vol molt el seu nen
that his child wants a lot
i que li ofereix la seva ajuda
and offers him his help
per al que sigui.
for whatever it may be.
El que realment diu és
What it really says is
per al que calgui
for whatever is necessary
aquí està la iaia.
Here is grandma.
Hòstia!
Holy shit!
El que passa és que està en dinant
What happens is that he is having lunch.
i crema una mica.
And it burns a little.
Aleshores la pilla amb la boca plena
Then she grabs it with her mouth full.
crema una mica
burns a little
en la boca mig oberta mig
in the half-open half mouth
bla bla bla
bla bla bla
el que calgui aquí és la iaia.
What we need here is the grandma.
Entonces queda ahí como una mica
So it stays there a little bit.
esta frase, ¿no?
this sentence, right?
Pero realmente
But really
la teoria es que el que le digo es
the theory is that what I am telling you is
el que calga
whatever is needed
aquí está la iaia, siempre.
here is grandma, always.
Para todo.
For everything.
Està molt bé. A més m'agrada molt com
It's very good. Besides, I really like how
hi ha molta gent que li dona
there are many people who give it
la cosa aquesta de como que está un poco
this thing is kind of a little
loca la iaia, o que está
Crazy the grandma, or what is it?
que está mayor y por eso no vocaliza
he is older and that's why he doesn't vocalize
o la frase queda mal. Ella ho justifica.
Or the phrase sounds bad. She justifies it.
La iaia està en perfectes
Grandma is in perfect health.
condicions mentals i físiques.
mental and physical conditions.
S'està cremant i prou.
It's burning and that's enough.
La iaia
The grandma
està com una flor.
She is like a flower.
M'agrada, m'agrada.
I like it, I like it.
Bien por la iaia, que todavía
Good for the grandma, who still...
está bien en esta versión, porque
it's fine in this version, because
en tenemos muchas de iaies atropelladísimas.
We have a lot of grandmothers who have been run over.
Totalmente a diferencia
Totally different.
de lo que viene a continuación.
of what follows.
Y ahora ya se nos derrite la cara.
And now our faces are melting.
Sí, a ver.
Yes, let's see.
El Jack, el Jack, ens ha enviat una cosa
Jack has sent us something.
molt curta
very short
i molt clara.
and very clear.
I ho veu claríssim, ja ho veureu.
I see it very clearly, you will see.
Parece que lo que diga la abuela es que
It seems that what the grandmother says is that
va a servir su propia mierda. No sé.
He will serve his own shit. I don't know.
Suena un poco
It sounds a little.
así, la verdad. El que caga aquí
That's the truth. Whoever shits here
es la iaia. No sé.
It's the grandmother. I don't know.
A lo mejor eso es lo que van a comer quién sabe.
Maybe that's what they're going to eat, who knows.
Hòstia, no? Ja està.
Damn, right? That's it.
El Jack ho ha vist sense cap mena de dubte.
Jack has seen it without a doubt.
O sigui, hi ha gent que diu, bueno, potser
So, there are people who say, well, maybe.
tal, o acaben preguntant. No, no.
Such, or they end up asking. No, no.
Parece que van a comer eso. No, no.
It seems they are going to eat that. No, no.
Aquí no veo nada más.
I don't see anything else here.
Sí, es que va a enviar audio súper serio.
Yes, he is going to send a super serious audio.
Sí, sí, és acollonant.
Yes, yes, it's awesome.
Ho ha vist, ho ha vist.
He has seen it, he has seen it.
Sap coses.
He knows things.
Sap coses, sí, sí.
He knows things, yes, yes.
El tercer ojo de Jack ha visto
Jack's third eye has seen
el zurullo en el plato. Ha visto, correcto,
the stool on the plate. Have you seen it, correct,
ha visto platos llenos de mierda
he has seen plates full of shit
y la abuela ahí tan pancha. Ostres,
and grandma there so calm. Wow,
mare de Déu. Bueno,
mother of God. Well,
también claro, conciso y concreto.
also clear, concise, and concrete.
Sí, sí, sí, el tema. Madre mía.
Yes, yes, yes, the topic. Oh my goodness.
El tema, el tema. El tema, el tema.
The theme, the theme. The theme, the theme.
El primer mierda, es lo que hay.
The first shit, it is what it is.
No hay más que la mierda de la yaya.
There's nothing but Grandma's shit.
Va, aquí
Come on, here.
ens n'anem també a la versió més pura
we're also going to the purest version
de que la yaya està allà una mica
that grandma is there a little
cascadeta amb la meva amiga Iris,
cascade with my friend Iris,
que té la teoria de l'Alzheimer,
what the theory of Alzheimer's has,
que és una teoria que això impregna
what is a theory that this impregnates
bastantes altres teories. El que em sembla
quite a few other theories. What seems to me
que ha passat aquí és que la yaya
what happened here is that grandma
està sorda
she is deaf
des de fa molts anys i això ja se li suma
for many years now, and this adds up to that
una mica de
a little bit of
demència
dementia
barra Alzheimer, que fa que
Alzheimer's bar, which makes it so that
afecti les interaccions
affect the interactions
i el que fa la yaya és
and what grandma does is
respondre molt sincerament
respond very honestly
a una pregunta,
to a question,
a la pregunta que ella es pensa
to the question that she is thinking
que el seu net
that his grandson
li ha fet,
he/she has done to him/her,
encara que no tingui cap mena de sentit
even if it doesn't make any sense
ni pel moment ni pel context
neither for the moment nor for the context
de la situació, la yaya
from the situation, the grandma
molt amablement
very kindly
li ha explicat
he has explained to him/her
molt amablement li ha explicat que
he has kindly explained to him that
allà caga ella.
She poops there.
Allà caga ella.
There she shits.
M'agrada com
I like how
l'Iris està supersèria tot el rato
Iris is super serious all the time.
i al final
and in the end
es desmorona.
it crumbles.
Perquè és que a més em va dir, és que m'estic
Because he also told me, it's that I'm getting
partint el cul, he fet tres intents d'àudio
splitting my ass, I have made three audio attempts
i m'estic partint el cul, i jo no, sisplau,
I'm breaking my ass, and I'm not, please.
és més graciós si rius, és més graciós
it's funnier if you laugh, it's funnier
si et surt el primer que et surt
if the first thing that comes out comes out
i al final
and in the end
es va desmoronar. Però clar, com que estava
it collapsed. But of course, since it was
parlant d'una cosa sèria com era la demència senil,
talking about a serious matter like senile dementia,
la sordera i tal, suposo que s'ho volia
the deafness and such, I suppose he wanted it
prendre prou en sèrio, però és que clar,
take it very seriously, but of course,
et pots agafar el plantejament sencosament,
you can take the approach simply,
però és que el que acaba dient és
but what ends up being said is
el que caga aquí sóc jo, el que caga aquí és la yaya.
the one who shits here is me, the one who shits here is the grandma.
És que m'agrada molt la yaya satisfeta
It's just that I really like the satisfied granny.
de dir-ho, no?, efectivament.
to say it, right? indeed.
Clar. El que caga aquí és la yaya i...
Sure. The one who poops here is the grandma and...
Sí, sí, com amb tota l'amabilitat del
Yes, yes, as with all the kindness of the
món, una yaya molt serena
world, a very serene grandmother
ha contestat la pregunta que creu que li han fet.
He has answered the question he thinks he was asked.
Ves a saber quina és la pregunta.
Go figure what the question is.
Perdona, que deies sí, sí, el que caga aquí...
Sorry, what you said is yes, yes, the one who shits here...
El que caga aquí és la yaya.
The one who shits here is the grandma.
Bé, anem ara amb el mestre Nicolau,
Well, let's go now with Master Nicolau,
amb el Lluís Nicolau.
with Lluís Nicolau.
Bé, ha fet una explicació
Well, it has provided an explanation.
bastant terrenal
quite earthly
de tot plegat, no? Doncs jo crec
of everything, right? Well, I think
que pot ser que l'àvia
that the grandmother might be
hagi ja perdut el contacte
I may have already lost contact.
amb la realitat i quan
with reality and when
veu entrar el
you hear the entrance of the
jove es pensa
young thinks
que està
that is
entrant al lavabo i
entering the bathroom and
clar, ella s'està fent caca o té ganes
Of course, she is pooping or needs to go.
de fer caca i li diu
to poop and he tells him
el que caga aquí és la yaya,
what's shitting here is the grandma,
no entris perquè
don't enter because
la que està cagant és la yaya.
The one who is shitting is the grandma.
És la yaya.
It's the grandmother.
M'agrada que abans
I like that before
hem tingut un fent el paper de net, el Lluís
we had one playing the role of a grandchild, Lluís
s'ha ficat en el paper de la yaya, 100%.
She's taken on the role of the grandma, 100%.
Sí, sí, sí, no m'esperava
Yes, yes, yes, I didn't expect it.
una yaya recreada. Hòstia,
a recreated grandma. Damn,
que bona, Lluís. Una mica
so good, Lluís. A bit
confusió habitacional,
housing confusion,
també, no?, una mica de...
also, right?, a little bit of...
Sí, sí, confusió, confusió.
Yes, yes, confusion, confusion.
Al tanto, que això podria ser el lavabo
Be careful, as this could be the bathroom.
i aquí, si això és el lavabo, qui caga
And here, if this is the bathroom, who poops?
és la yaya. Perdó, per mi
It's the grandma. Sorry, for me.
el millor és la veu del Lluís.
The best is Lluís's voice.
Que la teoria
That the theory
està bé, però bueno,
it's fine, but well,
m'ha agafat totalment d'espera, o sigui,
it has totally caught me off guard, so
m'esperava o la veu del Lluís de quan
I was waiting for the voice of Lluís from when
fem la cunyeta del Maestra Nicolau aquesta,
let's do this little favor for Maestra Nicolau.
o si no, la veu normal del Lluís, que ja
or if not, the normal voice of Lluís, which already
és així, com ronca i tal, dient
that's how he snores and such, saying
bueno, jo penso que a lo millor pos tal,
Well, I think that maybe yes,
i no, però...
and no, but...
No us he volgut dir res de la veu.
I didn't want to tell you anything about the voice.
Clar que no, clar que no,
Of course not, of course not.
per descomptat que no.
Of course not.
Ai, gràcies, gràcies por tanto.
Oh, thank you, thank you for so much.
Anem amb una teoria
Let's go with a theory.
que barreja Alzheimer amb moltes altres
that mixes Alzheimer's with many others
coses del meu amic Daniel, que
things of my friend Daniel, who
bueno, ja ho veureu, no us
well, you'll see, don't you
vull fer cap preàmbul, deixeu-vos portar
I want to make no preamble, let yourselves be carried away.
pel viatge que ha fet en Daniel amb nosaltres.
for the trip that Daniel has taken with us.
És com un cúmul.
It's like a pile.
Jo crec que en si el nen
I believe that in itself the child
no té ni idea de per què li diu això,
he has no idea why she tells him this,
però jo crec que la yaya barreja
but I think that grandma mixes
entre Alzheimer
between Alzheimer
i algun tipus
and some kind
de cosa
about what
com de la guerra civil, com de marcar
like of the civil war, like of marking
territori a la guerra civil.
territory in the civil war.
La que caga aquí és la yaya.
The one who poops here is the grandma.
És la que manda.
She is the one in charge.
És qui en caga.
He is the one who shits.
Els altres ja
The others already.
s'espavilaran aquí, perquè
they will get themselves organized here, because
és l'única que menja, possiblement,
she is the only one who eats, possibly,
o la que més menja. No ho sé, jo crec
or the one that eats the most. I don't know, I think.
que veig aquí algú tipus guerra civil.
I see here some kind of civil war.
Guerra civil, o
Civil war, or
potser més primitiu, o
maybe more primitive, or
algun tipus, la yaya potser
some type, maybe the grandma
havia sigut algú del lumpen,
he had been someone from the lumpen,
molt del lumpen, i
a lot of the lumpen, and
és una espècie com de còdig, no?
It's a kind of code, isn't it?
És com aquí mandam i polla, doncs la guerra civil.
It's like here, boss and cock, so the civil war.
La que caga és la yaya, perquè
The one who shits is the grandma, because
clar, en aquella època cagar
Sure, at that time, to crap
diguéssim amb abundància
let's say abundantly
devia ser un luxe, perquè volia dir
it must have been a luxury, because it meant
que cagaves bé, o sigui
that you pooped well, I mean
que hi havia material.
that there was material.
No ho sé, jo crec que és algo així.
I don't know, I think it's something like that.
I més si és un sopar
And even more if it's a dinner.
o un dinar o una cosa així de Nadal
or a lunch or something like that for Christmas
on hi ha menjar i tot això, que avisa
where there is food and all that, which warns
avisa ja que aquí
let them know that here
la que menja primer, la que menja el
the one who eats first, the one who eats him
plat més guapo, el més abundant,
most beautiful dish, the most abundant,
és la yaya, que segurament
it's the grandma, who probably
ho està pagant amb la seva pensió, o sigui que igual
he is paying for it with his pension, so it's the same.
va a fer més matèria, però
it's going to be more material, though
jo veig una cosa així, jo veig una cosa així.
I see something like this, I see something like this.
La pensió al final m'ha matat.
The pension has ultimately killed me.
Hòstia, però
Wow, but
ho fa sumant, ho fa sumant.
it does it by adding, it does it by adding.
És increïble, però m'agrada moltíssim,
It's incredible, but I like it a lot.
perquè ajunta tots els conceptes aquests
because it combines all these concepts
de la dita popular i la que manda
from the popular saying and the one that commands
sóc jo i tal, però ho explica súper,
it's me and such, but explain it super.
o sigui m'agrada moltíssim tota la teoria
I mean, I really like all the theory a lot.
d'esta en la guerra civil
of this in the civil war
era com havia poca comida, el que caga
It was like there wasn't much food, the one who poops.
más es quien ha comido más,
more is the one who has eaten more,
y eso es bueno, la abundància.
and that is good, abundance.
Era un luxe, tio.
It was a luxury, dude.
Increíble.
Incredible.
Està molt bé, m'agrada molt com a reconstrucció
It's very good, I really like it as a reconstruction.
dels fets, passito a passito.
of the facts, step by step.
Sí, un CSI de la yaya absoluto.
Yes, an absolute grandma CSI.
Correctament, el Daniel ha agafat el hilo rojo
Correctly, Daniel has taken the red thread.
i ha començat a fer
and has started to do
de foto en foto i ha trobat tot,
from photo to photo and he/she has found everything,
ha trobat tots els secrets de la yaya.
He has discovered all the grandmother's secrets.
M'ha agradat molt
I liked it very much.
perquè ha tornat al present
because it has returned to the present
també per dir, avisa
also to say, notify
que el mejor plato es pa la yaya.
that the best dish is for grandma.
Està molt bé, està molt bé.
It's very good, it's very good.
El que caga aquí per dir
What shits here to say
mer-mas, hòstia puta, està molt bé.
Mer-mas, fucking hell, it's very good.
Sí, sí, brutal, brutal.
Yes, yes, brutal, brutal.
De construcció lèxica
Of lexical construction
d'aquesta merda, tio, molt bé.
From this shit, dude, very good.
A veure, el Jordi, el xaval...
Let's see, Jordi, the kid...
Xaval, xavalillo.
Kid, little kid.
També va una mica
It also goes a bit.
pel passat de la yaya.
for the past of the grandmother.
A partir d'aquí
From here on out
ja comencem a anar-nos en una mica
We're starting to get a bit too carried away.
de mare, eh? Una miqueta sí.
Of course, huh? A little bit, yes.
Les històries comencen a tenir
Stories are starting to have
comencen a tenir
they are starting to have
argument complet.
complete argument.
El que caga aquí es la yaya.
The one who poops here is the grandmother.
Per explicar aquesta història
To explain this story
crec que m'he de remuntar un poc
I think I need to go back a bit.
enrere, d'acord? El tema no surt
Back, okay? The topic isn't coming up.
el que caga aquí es la yaya i s'acabó,
the one who poops here is the grandma and that's it,
sinó que això te xitxa darrere.
but this has a catch behind it.
La idea inicial
The initial idea
és que l'abuela
it's that the grandmother
és una abuela i, per tant, ha viscut
she is a grandmother and, therefore, has lived
l'època de Franco. L'abuela és franquista.
The era of Franco. The grandmother is Francoist.
No, no, l'abuela no és franquista.
No, no, the grandmother is not Francoist.
L'abuela ha viscut èpoques en què
The grandmother has lived through times when
la societat
the society
li demanava
I was asking him/her.
que fos una persona més recta
that he/she was a more upright person
i, per tant, ella, com era una nena
and, therefore, she, as she was a girl
en les èpoques males
in hard times
d'esta societat,
of this society,
vivia molt reprimida
she lived very suppressed
i, si deia paraulotes,
and if it said swear words,
aquesta senyora
this lady
le curtia en el lomo
he was skinning it on the back
quedava a gustete. Llavors,
it stayed comfortably. Then,
ella va agafar pànic a dir paraulotes.
She panicked at the thought of swearing.
Llavors, per exemple, li tenia molt, molt
Then, for example, I had a lot, a lot for him.
de pànic, molt de pànic a la paraula
of panic, a lot of panic at the word
puta. Ella no podia dir la paraula
bitch. She couldn't say the word.
puta. Llavors, quan hi havia paraules
whore. So, when there were words
que contenien la paraula puta,
that contained the word whore,
canviant de ser com putadora, per exemple,
changing from being like a computer, for example,
ella buscava una corba
she was looking for a curve
i deia com gotadora
and it said like a dripper
o com cutadora o alguna cosa d'aquest
or as a cutter or something like that
rotllo. Llavors, per exemple, espaguetis
roll. So, for example, spaghetti
a la putanesca, deia espaguetis
in puttanesca style, he said spaghetti
a la cutanesca. Coses així.
in the cutanesque way. Things like that.
I la tia va començar, per culpa
And the aunt began, because of
d'aquest trauma, buscava
from this trauma, I was looking for
cada cop la corbita per
every time the little corb flies
no dir puta. La paraula puta
don't say whore. The word whore
però, clar, això era quan
but, of course, that was when
ella era petita i va anar
she was small and went
desenvolupant aquest traumilla
developing this little trauma
fins i tot al punt que
even to the point that
cada cop que venia una P,
every time a P came,
s'agobiava. Buscava
he/she was getting overwhelmed. He/She was looking for
una sortida en la que
an outing in which
no hagués dit la paraula P. Hòstia puta!
I shouldn't have said the word P. Holy shit!
No, no, no! Tornem a
No, no, no! Let's start over.
la present. Estamos en
the present. We are in
Navidad, hay una mesa parada,
Christmas, there is a table set,
el niño, el adolescente
the child, the teenager
ha hecho una performance
he has done a performance
de rap para ganarse su aguinaldo
of rap to earn his bonus
y aquí
and here
qui caga es la
who shits is the
yaya. Aquí qui caga, qui caga aquí
yaya. Here who poops, who poops here
es la yaya. Pero era
It's the granny. But it was.
qui paga aquí, el puta aguinaldo.
Who pays here, the damn bonus.
La puta abuela
The fucking grandmother.
que no sabía dir
that I couldn't say
la P, tío, la puta esquina.
the P, dude, the fucking corner.
Pues ahí está el rollo.
Well, there is the problem.
Ahí está el rollo fijo. Fijo.
There is the fixed roll. Fixed.
La puta esquina, tío.
The damn corner, man.
La puta esquina. El nostre podcast.
The fucking corner. Our podcast.
La puta esquina. Concauqueres.
The damn corner. Concauqueres.
M'encanta. A més m'agrada molt
I love it. Also, I really like it a lot.
tot el buildup que ha fet perquè me l'he vist
all the buildup that has been made because I watched it
venir. Quan ha dit lo de les P ja veia
to come. When she mentioned the P, I could already see.
claro que era el que paga, aquí és la yaya.
Of course it was the one who pays, here is the grandma.
Qué cabrón, tío. Yo me he embarcat
What a jerk, man. I got on board.
totalment en aquesta història. Qué bueno.
totally in this story. How great.
Molt bé. Joder, puto Jordi,
Very good. Fuck, stupid Jordi.
tío, la que s'ha muntat. Introducción, ús
Dude, what a mess has been made. Introduction, use
i desenyat. Sí, sí, sí, sí. Bueno, sí, sí.
And drawn. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, yes, yes.
És que és totalment això.
It is completely that.
M'encanten. Ara les històries
I love them. Now the stories.
més rebuscades per mi són les millors.
The more convoluted they are for me, the better they are.
Les que hacen su interpretación
Those who make their interpretation.
de toda la vida de la yaya
of the grandmother's whole life
y se van totalmente de
and they completely go away from
madre. Bien, bien, bien, bien.
mother. Good, good, good, good.
Prepareu-vos perquè lo que ha fet el Marcel
Get ready because of what Marcel has done.
és... Que fluya, que fluya.
It's... Let it flow, let it flow.
Marcel, multiportadista de Berís Itzulfúric.
Marcel, multi-port artist of Berís Itzulfúric.
Sí, correcte. El que
Yes, correct. What
em suggereix aquesta situació
this situation suggests to me
clarament és que això es tracta
it is clear that this is about
d'un clan familiar
of a family clan
que està especialitzat
that is specialized
en els moviments intestinals.
in bowel movements.
O sigui, el que els defineix,
That is to say, what defines them,
el que els dona entitat
what gives them substance
és la matèria fecal.
It is fecal matter.
És el seu rotllo. Llavors, clarament,
It's his/her thing. Then, clearly,
la yaya és la matriarca,
the grandmother is the matriarch,
la matriarca familiar,
the family matriarch,
i hi està havent aquí una mica
And there is a bit happening here.
una crisi interna.
an internal crisis.
Hi està havent una lluita pel poder
Hi, there is a power struggle happening.
del clan familiar i el net està
of the family clan and the grandson is
intentant moure fils.
trying to move strings.
Vol ser el nou patriarca
He wants to be the new patriarch.
del clan aquest
from this clan
gastrointestinal, no?
gastrointestinal, right?
I la yaya no ho permetrà, això.
And grandma won't allow that.
Serà enterat
He will be informed.
per el tiet segon
for the second uncle
que és evidentment
that is obviously
un traïdor, és un hipopús,
a traitor, is a hippopotamus,
que vol el favor de la senyora
What does the lady want?
i la tem, no?
And the fear, right?
Perquè evidentment tothom que la traeix
Because obviously everyone who betrays her
es cobreix de merda.
it gets covered in shit.
Evidentment, ell s'ha xivat
Obviously, he has squealed.
dels intents del net
of the grandchild's attempts
i ara ella li pararà els peus.
And now she will put her foot down.
El que està a punt de seguir
What is about to follow
des d'aquesta situació que em planteges
from this situation that you present to me
és una gran batalla
it is a great battle
de matèria fecal, no?
of fecal matter, right?
I de...
And of...
I de trunyacos, no?
And of trunyacos, right?
Això probablement en plan bola de drac,
This probably in a Dragon Ball way,
però si substitueixes
but if you substitute
drac per
dragon for
per merda, no?
For shit, right?
És una mica el que vindrà a continuació.
It's a bit what will come next.
El clan gastrointestinal, tio.
The gastrointestinal clan, dude.
Si substitueixes drac per merda.
If you replace dragon with shit.
Drac per merda.
Dragon for shit.
El clan fecal, tio.
The fecal clan, dude.
I a més, Marcel és d'aquests
And moreover, Marcel is one of those.
que ho ha explicat sense cap mena de dubte.
that he has explained it without any doubt.
Jo el que he vist ha sigut això,
What I have seen has been this,
com ha aparegut, com la informació
how it has appeared, like the information
s'ha transmès directament al seu cervell
it has been transmitted directly to his/her brain
completa i tancada en el moment
complete and closed at the moment
en què ha sentit el que caga que és la iaia
what he has felt about the one who shits that it's the grandmother
i cap problema, jo t'ho explico.
No problem, I'll explain it to you.
Ja està, ho he entès.
That's it, I understand.
Joc de trons.
Game of Thrones.
De mierda.
Of shit.
I en comptes d'un Lannister
And instead of a Lannister
que sempre paga sus deudes, el clan diu
that always pays its debts, the clan says
el que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandmother.
La Mariona
The Mariona
ha muntat una pel·lícula,
he has made a movie,
però una pel·lícula és increïble.
but a movie is incredible.
Ja ho veureu.
You will see.
No té pèrdi d'això.
It's not to be missed.
Doncs resulta que aquesta família
Well, it turns out that this family
cada any fa com un dinar molt especial.
Every year it feels like a very special lunch.
És un conte això, prepareu-vos.
This is a story, get ready.
És un dinar tal qual,
It's a lunch just like that,
el que passa que a l'hora de les postres
What happens is that at dessert time
és quan es du terme
it's when it is carried out
a l'actualització.
to the update.
És que la iaia,
It's just that grandma,
que ve d'una família de pastissers,
that comes from a family of bakers,
ella fa un petit cupcake
She makes a small cupcake.
com per a cada un dels membres
as for each of the members
de la família.
of the family.
I llavors el punt àlgid de la història
And then the climax of the story.
és quan ella va amb la seva manga pastelera
it's when she goes with her piping bag
plena de crema
full of cream
i va passant
and it is happening
mini muffin per mini muffin
mini muffin by mini muffin
i fa un petit cagarreta a sobre
and it has a little poop on top
i quan ha acabat diu
And when it is finished, he says.
que Dios te bendiga.
God bless you.
A escenes de la iaia, tot això,
To scenes of the grandmother, all of this,
se n'ha anat com fotent, no?
He left as if he were shot, didn't he?
Primer, hihihihaha,
First, hihihihaha,
ah, que lleig t'ha sortit aquest any el cagarro
Ah, how ugly your poop has turned out this year.
que t'ha fet la iaia, que no sé què,
what has grandma done to you, I don’t know what,
ui, que maco, no sé què.
Oh, how beautiful, I don't know what.
I resulta que s'ha creat el mite
And it turns out that the myth has been created.
que com més maco li surt el cagarro
that the prettier the turd turns out to be
de la muffin a la iaia,
from the muffin to grandma,
doncs tens un any més de puta mare,
so you have another awesome year,
com si diguéssim, no?
as if we were saying, right?
I que se li queda un cagarro més així,
And if he ends up with one more turd like that,
doncs la sort no et ve
so luck doesn't come to you
tant de cara, com si diguéssim.
so much for that, so to speak.
I el que passa és que
And what happens is that
primer molt riure, molt riure,
first a lot of laughing, a lot of laughing,
però ja fa uns anys que la família
but it has been a few years since the family
les coses no acaben d'arrollar fines, no?
Things don't quite roll out nicely, do they?
Un se li inunda el garatge,
One's garage gets flooded,
l'altre li ratllen el cotxe que té dos per tres,
the other one scratches his car every two or three times,
l'altre l'empresa se li va a la quebra,
the other company is going bankrupt,
i clar,
Of course,
resulta que la iaia
it turns out that grandma
en sap, no?, perquè ve de família de pastissers,
He knows, right?, because he comes from a family of pastry chefs,
però cada vegada es fa més gran.
but it keeps getting bigger.
I el seu pols cada vegada,
And its pulse each time,
bueno, cada vegada va com pitjor,
well, it's getting worse every time.
com si diguéssim, no?
as we say, right?
I primer, quan era jove feia els cagarros
And first, when I was young, I used to make the poops.
de les màfins molt bonics, però ara,
of the very beautiful mafins, but now,
que són molt lletjos, veia,
that they are very ugly, I saw,
que els fa molt lletjos,
that makes them very ugly,
i la família, pues, s'està ratllant,
and the family, well, is getting worn out,
perquè pensa, ostres, pobre dona,
because she thinks, wow, poor woman,
vull dir, ja ho fa amb tota la bona intenció del món,
I mean, they are already doing it with all the good intentions in the world,
però ens està desgraciant els anys,
but it is ruining our years,
cada de cada any ens el desgracia ella, no?
Every year she brings us misfortune, doesn't she?
I mira que li diuen, deixa'ns-ho fer nosaltres,
And look what they say to him, let us do it ourselves.
que tu ets gran, seu i descansa,
you are great, sit down and rest,
i la dona, no, no, el que ella vol fer ella, i això.
And the woman, no, no, what she wants to do, she, and that.
I aquest any,
And this year,
clar, com que és una dona molt religiosa, no?,
Of course, since she is a very religious woman, right?
la iaia, i ho fa, en plan, per maneir
the grandma, and she does it, like, to manage
tota la família, van pensar,
the whole family thought,
mira, calla, com que el nen petit
look, be quiet, like the little boy
ha entrat al seminari,
he has entered the seminary,
ell representa que ens
he represents that us
pot beneir amb
can bless with
certificat de Déu, com si diguéssim,
certificate from God, so to speak,
i potser d'aquesta manera
and perhaps in this way
convencem la iaia perquè
let's convince grandma to
li deixi fer els cagarros
let him do the things he has to do
amb el net.
with the grandson.
I s'ha com anat fent
And it has been done progressively.
bull i l'ollo, no?, i al final
bull and the pot, right?, and in the end
la iaia s'ha anat enfadant, i al final
the grandmother has been getting angrier, and in the end
quan ha arribat li ha dit, pam, doncs no,
when he arrived, he said to him, bam, well no,
faig jo, fin.
I do it, end.
Ja, ja ha fet tot, ja ha fet tot.
Yes, he has done everything, he has done everything.
Fin i tot.
End and all.
Però, perdó, el que m'ha pillat més
But, excuse me, what has caught me the most
desprevinguda és, que Dios te bendiga.
Unexpected it is, may God bless you.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Perquè ho ha vist claríssim, també, no?,
Because he/she has seen it very clearly, right?
fot el cagarret i els diu, que Dios te bendiga.
He takes a shit and tells them, God bless you.
Correcte, correcte.
Correct, correct.
Aquesta és la tradició, com suposo que tots
This is the tradition, as I suppose you all do.
coneixem, no?, que hi ha famílies de pastissers
we know, right?, that there are families of bakers
que ho fan d'aquesta manera, fas el cagarret,
they do it this way, you do the crap,
que Dios te bendiga.
God bless you.
Mare de Déu.
Mother of God.
I, claro, no, i el net no pot passar per davant
Yes, of course, no, and the grandson cannot go ahead.
de la iaia per molt seminari que hi hagi pel mig.
from the grandmother no matter how many seminars there are in between.
No, no, no. Un certificat de Déu.
No, no, no. A certificate from God.
Fins que no mori, els cagarrets
Until he/she/it dies, the little poops.
dels muffins els faig jo.
I make the muffins.
Anys de mala sort a tota la família
Years of bad luck for the whole family.
mentre la iaia va degenerant.
while grandma is deteriorating.
Perquè el que caga aquí és ella.
Because the one who shits here is her.
És increïble.
It's incredible.
No hi ha discussió possible.
There is no possible discussion.
Reclama la manga, pastelera.
Claim the sleeve, pastry chef.
Simó, és que no puc dir res.
Simó, I just can't say anything.
Simó, tu amigo que lleva camisetas,
Simó, your friend who wears t-shirts,
famoso por llevar camisetas.
famous for wearing t-shirts.
Això és una història molt llarga
This is a very long story.
que crec que no podem explicar.
that I believe we cannot explain.
Però crec que el Simó agrairà sentir això.
But I think Simó will appreciate hearing this.
Vale, Simó, que sàpigues
Okay, Simó, just so you know.
que ets exclusivament famós
that you are exclusively famous
per portar samarretes
to wear t-shirts
i per ser col·laborador de verícita al Senyor de la Clau.
And to be a collaborator of Verícita with the Lord of the Key.
Anem a escoltar aquest tio.
Let's go listen to this guy.
Home, jo diria que és prou evident
Well, I would say it's quite evident.
que la senyora és una espècie de
that the lady is a kind of
jedi de l'escatologia, una espècie de Yoda
jedi of eschatology, a kind of Yoda
que està entrenant el net.
that is training the grandson.
Per això no utilitza les paraules
That's why it doesn't use the words.
en ordre habitual.
in usual order.
Clar, clar, clar.
Sure, sure, sure.
Hi ha una persona que és el que caga,
There is a person who is the one who poops.
i podrien pensar
and they could think
que la pregunta és aquí.
that the question is here.
Però jo crec que la pregunta realment és
But I think the real question is
quin és el context real,
what is the real context,
quina és la intenció
what is the intention
al preguntar-li això.
when asking him this.
La intenció és posar-lo a prova,
The intention is to put it to the test,
és un test que li fa passar.
It's a test that he/she has to take.
El net ha d'endevinar
The grandson has to guess.
el que caga aquí és la senyora.
The one who shits here is the lady.
O és des de la complicitat
Either it is from complicity.
i n'hi ha un punt d'ironia
and there is a point of irony
i el net sap perfectament
And the grandson knows perfectly well.
el que caga aquí és la senyora
the one who poops here is the lady
i és una broma que estan fent entre els dos.
It is a joke that they are making between the two of them.
En aquest cas, la resposta
In this case, the answer
a el que caga aquí és la senyora
the one who poops here is the lady
seria el net.
it would be the grandson.
El net és el que caga aquí és la senyora.
The grandson is the one who poops here is the lady.
M'he perdut quan la resposta és el net.
I got lost when the answer is the net.
Jo tampoc. Què collons?
Me neither. What the hell?
Què? Com? Què?
What? How? What?
La resposta és el net.
The answer is the grandchild.
El que caga aquí és la senyora.
The one who shits here is the lady.
La resposta és el net.
The answer is the grandson.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
No ho he entès.
I didn't understand it.
Aquí he de dir una cosa.
Here I have to say one thing.
És una de les respostes
It is one of the answers.
més rebuscades dins de l'últim lot
more elaborate within the last batch
de respostes rebuscades, però és el que s'ha mullat menys
of convoluted answers, but it is what has been least involved
perquè al final el que ens està dient és
because in the end what it is telling us is
és una broma entre ells dos i nosaltres.
It's a joke between the two of them and us.
A l'interna el joc, a l'interna el joc, em fa gràcia que sigui.
Inside the game, inside the game, I find it funny that it is.
Sí, sí, una bromilla interna.
Yes, yes, a little inside joke.
És una bromillita de
It's a little joke of
abuela, nieto, ja està,
grandmother, grandson, that's it,
el que caga aquí és la iaia,
the one who poops here is grandma,
soy yo. I l'altre diu el net.
It's me. The other one says the grandson.
Soy yo, soy el nieto.
It's me, I'm the grandson.
El que caga aquí es la iaia.
The one who poops here is the grandma.
El nieto. Te cambia.
The grandson. It changes you.
No tenim temps de fer
We don't have time to do.
el retorn, però Simó, si ens vols
the return, but Simó, if you want us
enviar un àudio donant-nos més explicacions
send an audio giving us more explanations
a nosaltres en privat, estarem encantats.
We will be happy to have you with us in private.
Si no es mantindrà el misteri, que suposo que és
If the mystery is not going to be maintained, which I suppose it is.
la gràcia també de la seva explicació, que és un misteri.
The grace of her explanation is also a mystery.
Entre el net i la iaia.
Between the grandchild and the grandmother.
Passem a l'Esteve.
Let's move on to Esteve.
L'Esteve també, multiconvidat
Esteve too, multiple guest.
de Verícits Sulfúrics, sempre que hem fet
of Sulfuric Vericites, whenever we have done
alguna col·laboració amb Gemapel, ja que Gemapel
any collaboration with Gemapel, since Gemapel
som l'Esteve i jo, l'Esteve ja ha sortit.
It's Esteve and me, Esteve has already left.
I, bueno, l'Esteve
I, well, Esteve
té una teoria molt
he has a very theory
estavesca, de les que també
you were also
ell veu molt clares i te les transmet.
He sees things very clearly and conveys them to you.
Directament, endavant.
Directly, forward.
El que caga aquí és la iaia.
The one who poops here is grandma.
Em desperten
They wake me up.
dues teories. La primera teoria
two theories. The first theory
seria que l'àvia,
it would be that the grandmother,
l'abuela,
the grandmother,
des de fa molts anys ha estat
for many years has been
posseguida per una espècie de reptilianos
possessed by a kind of reptilians
que l'han estat governant
that have been governing it
perquè ella faci els seus plans
so that she can make her plans
fins a passar per abuela de família.
until passing as the family's grandmother.
I ara ja ho té tot preparat
And now he/she has everything prepared.
perquè els reptilianos apareguin
so that the reptilians appear
a la Terra i facin la seva invasió.
to Earth and carry out their invasion.
I en els últims
And in the last
dos segons,
two seconds,
l'àvia ha intentat
the grandmother has tried
avisar la seva família
inform his family
dient que el que caga aquí
saying that whoever shits here
és la iaia, que és una manera
it's the grandma, which is a way
inclave, sense que s'entenguin els reptilianos
include, without the reptilians being understood
que la controlen, d'avisar la seva família
that they monitor her, to notify her family
perquè pida reforços
because he/she asks for reinforcements
o s'escolta en un búnquer.
or you can hear in a bunker.
Això o que s'ha fet caca a sobre.
This or that has pooped on itself.
Aquestes són les dues teories.
These are the two theories.
M'agrada molt la concisió del final
I really like the conciseness of the ending.
de la segona opció de dos segons.
of the second option of two seconds.
O pot haver-se cagat a sobre.
Or he might have pooped himself.
És reptilianos o caca.
It's reptilian or crap.
Hòstia, el missatge inclave d'ajuda.
Damn, the message included help.
Sí, l'últim
Yes, the last one.
que queda de la iaia autèntica,
what remains of the authentic grandma,
l'últim missatge que pot donar
the last message that can be given
amb la poca consciència que li queda
with the little awareness that he/she has left
en aquesta vida és el que caga aquí
in this life it is the one who shits here
és la iaia.
It's the grandmother.
Cuando al mejor amigo del protagonista le cambian los ojos de color
When the protagonist's best friend changes eye color.
por un momento y deja de ser poseído por el demonio
for a moment and stop being possessed by the demon
y dice ¡ayuda!
and says 'help!'
El que caga aquí es la iaia.
The one who shits here is the grandmother.
M'agrada molt
I like it very much.
a més que està poseïda
in addition to being possessed
por los reptilianos.
for the reptilians.
No es que sea reptiliana, es poseída por reptilianos.
It's not that she is reptilian, she is possessed by reptilians.
Correcto, los reptilianos poseen a la iaia.
Correct, the reptilians have the grandmother.
Bueno, ahora ve
Well, now come.
una novel·la.
a novel.
Una novel·la de ciencia ficción.
A science fiction novel.
Venga, adelante.
Come on, go ahead.
La iaia la nit anterior se'n va a dormir tan tranquila
The grandmother goes to sleep so peacefully the night before.
pues, com sempre,
well, as always,
i es posa el pijama, es cheeta,
and she puts on her pajamas, she cheats,
i abans de caure en un somni profund
and before falling into a deep sleep
l'habitació sencera comença a tremolar
the whole room starts to shake
de manera cada vegada més violenta.
in an increasingly violent manner.
La iaia acollonada ahí
The scared grandma there.
¡Ostres senyor!
Wow, sir!
I de sobte comencen a eixir llumenades verdes
And suddenly green flashes begin to emerge.
al seu davant
in front of him/her
i s'obre una mena de portal a l'Oster Gate.
A kind of portal opens at the Oster Gate.
La iaia es queda bocabadada
The grandmother is left speechless.
pensant-se que és el seu final
thinking it is their end
i el portal misteriós comença a xuclar
and the mysterious portal begins to suck.
amb força i més força
with strength and more strength
i acaba engollint-se-la.
and ends up swallowing it.
I la iaia obre els ulls
And the grandmother opens her eyes.
i el portal l'ha dut a una espècie de laboratori blanc
and the portal has taken him to a kind of white laboratory
on hi ha un fum de científics
where there is a smoke of scientists
treballant damunt i avall.
working up and down.
I, clar, la iaia allà, flipant-la.
Me, of course, grandma over there, freaking out.
I un equip de doctors
And a team of doctors
l'acosta i un dels doctors
he approaches it and one of the doctors
li diu a la iaia
he says to grandma
Benvinguda a l'any 2054
Welcome to the year 2054.
La iaia, allí,
Grandma, there,
no sap ni com reaccionar
doesn't even know how to react
Total, que els doctors li diuen
In total, the doctors tell him.
que ella és l'única que pot salvar el món
that she is the only one who can save the world
perquè hi ha un virus alienigena
because there is an alien virus
que està matant a la humanitat
that is killing humanity
i va acabant amb tots.
and ends with everyone.
La qüestió és que han investigat
The question is that they have investigated.
i han trobat que un component únic
they have found that a unique component
en la merda de la iaia
in grandma's shit
serveix per a sintetitzar una vacuna
it is used to synthesize a vaccine
que acabi amb eixe virus.
to end with that virus.
La iaia explica
The grandmother explains
que hi ha una explosió en el laboratori
that there is an explosion in the laboratory
que fan forat en la paret
that make a hole in the wall
i comença a entrar gent lluitant contra científics
And people start coming in fighting against scientists.
El doctor que està expliquent-li-ho tot a la iaia
The doctor who is explaining everything to the grandmother.
li diu que són la resistència
he says they are the resistance
un grup de rebels que ajuden els aliens
a group of rebels that help the aliens
a que l'extinció de la humanitat
to the extinction of humanity
es duga a terme
is carried out
i a canvi seran ells qui governaran la Terra
and in return they will be the ones who govern the Earth
en nom dels aliens
in the name of the aliens
i el cap de la resistència és
and the head of the resistance is
el Ned de la iaia
the Ned of the grandmother
els rebels han controlat el laboratori
the rebels have taken control of the laboratory
i han deixat el Ned
and they have left Ned
i es plantarà davant de la iaia
and will stand in front of the grandma
o la iaia
or the grandma
la iaia dient-li que eres més roent que un tall
the grandmother telling him that he is hotter than a slice
això ha passat amb la iaia, xico
this has happened with grandma, dude
quina vergonya
what a shame
tot el que un de soldats rebel
all that a rebel soldier
s'acosta al Ned i li diu que els militars
approaches Ned and tells him that the military
i la policia estan entrant al laboratori
and the police are entering the laboratory
i el Ned treu una pistola
and Ned pulls out a gun
apunta a la cara de la iaia
aim at grandma's face
i diu sayonara, iaia
And he says sayonara, grandma.
i dispara
and shoot
tots esqueren allà en silenci
Everyone is waiting there in silence.
però el Ned no ha disparat ni una bala
but Ned hasn't fired a single bullet
ni un reis laser ni res d'això
neither a laser king nor anything like that
li ha disparat un potent component d'antimerda
he has shot him with a powerful anti-crap component
directe a la boca de la iaia
directly to grandma's mouth
que evitarà que cagui per sempre
that will prevent me from shitting forever
i el Ned i els rebels s'escapen
And Ned and the rebels escape.
i sembla que la humanitat
and it seems that humanity
està perduda
is lost
i els doctors comencen a cridar
And the doctors start to shout.
nooo la caca salvadora
nooo the savior poop
i se'ls podien fer un viatge d'anada i tornada en el temps
and they could take a round trip time travel.
tot perdut, morirem
everything is lost, we will die
i la iaia comença a riure molt fort
and grandma starts to laugh very loudly
i diu, meh
and says, meh
ja no subestimeu l'esfínter anal
do not underestimate the anal sphincter anymore
d'una iaia de 90 anys d'un poble d'interior
of a 90-year-old grandmother from an inland village
la dona es baixa les bragues
the woman pulls down her panties
agafa un vidó industrial
take an industrial drum
comença a fer força, fer força
it starts to get strong, get strong
es posa tota rotxa
she gets all red
quasi se deixen els ulls de les òrbites
almost leave the eyes from their sockets
i de sobte sona un pet llarg i solemne
And suddenly a long and solemn sound rings out.
com una corneta anunciava
with a horn, it announced
la tornada d'un heroi medieval al castell
the return of a medieval hero to the castle
ja puta
already prostitute
i fa, es comença a eixir merda fins quasi plenar el vidó
And now, it starts to come out crap until it almost fills the jar.
tot el laboratori es clata d'alegria
the whole laboratory bursts with joy
mentre s'abacen tapant-se el nas
while they are bathing covering their noses
de la pudor que feia ell dins
from the stench that he had inside
i acomiaden la iaia
They are saying goodbye to Grandma.
i la tornen a la seva habitació
and they return her to her room
a través del portal
through the portal
el dia següent estan al dinar
The next day they are at lunch.
i ella sentada
and she sitting
apareix el net i la iaia li diu
the grandson appears and the grandmother tells him
la que caga així
the one who shits like this
és la iaia
it's the grandmother
increïble
incredible
hòstia sota
damn it
madre mia tio
Oh my God, dude.
digues qui era Vicent, que no has anunciat qui era em sembla
Tell me who Vicent was, because it seems you haven't announced who he was.
ai Edu, Edu, Edu
Oh Edu, Edu, Edu.
Eduardo Santamaria
Eduardo Santamaria
Eduardo Santamaria, gràcia
Eduardo Santamaria, thank you.
enorme, enorme
enormous, enormous
en pareix increïble
it seems incredible to me
hi ha com 6 trames
there are about 6 plots
de pel·lícules diferents
of different movies
aquí cada personatge
here each character
és el prota de la seva història
he is the protagonist of his story
el científic, el de la resistència, la iaia
the scientist, the one of the resistance, the grandmother
està Regreso al futuro
It is Back to the Future.
Terminator
Terminator
Stargate
Stargate
és increïble
it's amazing
molt bé, m'ha encantat
very good, I loved it
a més a més, puntos a favor
furthermore, points in favor
les iaies, totes religioses
the grandmothers, all religious
a través del portal
through the portal
exacte
exact
les iaies són religioses, és un punt en comú
Grandmothers are religious, it's a common point.
i després, ojo detall
and then, eye detail
la resistència
the resistance
en este caso son los malos
in this case they are the bad ones
la resistencia siempre son los humanos
The resistance is always the humans.
que resisten al ataque
that resist the attack
en este caso, resistencia de que?
in this case, resistance to what?
a que se resisten? a los humanos que estan resistiendo
What are they resisting? The humans who are resisting.
a los aliens
to the aliens
porque es una doble resistencia
because it is a double resistance
si el dia següent veig el net
if the next day I see the grandson
el rajo sent la iaia
the grandson misses the grandmother
no, pero la iaia
no, but the grandma
ya sabe que ella guanyará
she already knows that she will win
con lo cual ve al renacuajo
with which comes the tadpole
que ahora es un niño que dentro de
that he is now a boy who within
30 años va a ser el malo y le dice
30 years he is going to be the bad one and he says to him.
vas a perder, mocoso
You're going to lose, brat.
el que caga aquí es la iaia
the one who shits here is the grandma
correcto, el niño no entiende nada
Correct, the child doesn't understand anything.
y 30 años después, toma
and 30 years later, here you go
la iaia está haciendo un
The grandma is making a
te lo dije
I told you.
30 años vista, o sigui
30 years ahead, that is to say
me sembla increïble la actitud de la iaia
I find my grandmother's attitude incredible.
gracias iaia
thank you grandma
per fer cal d'una
to make it necessary to have one
una iaia de 90 anys
a 90-year-old grandmother
de poble d'interior
from an inland village
tota la descripció tio de quan es baixa
All the description, dude, of when it goes down.
les bragues i va al bidó industrial
the trousers and goes to the industrial barrel
i te'n va, madre mia tio
And you go for it, my goodness, dude.
és brutal, les trompetes
it's brutal, the trumpets
correcte
correct
el pet solemne
the solemn fart
ha escrit una novel·la
he has written a novel
se ho ha currat molt
he has put in a lot of effort
vale, ens en queda una
Okay, we have one left.
que és la del Ferran
what is the one about Ferran
que per mi és la millor
which for me is the best
en el sentit que realment és la única
in the sense that it really is the only one
que agafa la frase com a tal
that takes the phrase as such
la frase el que caga aquí
the phrase the one who shits here
és la iaia i li dona una explicació real
it's grandma and she gives him a real explanation
tot, o sigui
everything, that is
gramaticalment correcta
grammatically correct
exacte, gramaticalment correcta
exact, grammatically correct
sense modificar-li res, sense que la iaia no vocalitzi
without modifying anything, without the grandmother vocalizing
sense que la iaia este loca
without the grandmother being crazy
té sentit el que caga aquí és la iaia
what the grandmother shits here makes sense
la meva interpretació va des del punt
my interpretation ranges from the point
de vista del realisme
from the perspective of realism
i del que seria més obvi
and what would be more obvious
i lògic del que està passant aquí
and logical of what is happening here
la iaia, òbviament
the grandmother, obviously
per fer un dinar familiar
to have a family lunch
amb la gent de l'Andorra
with the people of Andorra
es fiquen a currar
they get to work
i sovint el que passa és que ve
And often what happens is that it comes.
el pare o la mare del net
the father or the mother of the grandchild
i en aquest dia també ha vingut
and on this day it has also come
potser el pare o la mare del net
maybe the grandfather's father or mother
ha anat allà
he has gone there
i s'ha ficat a ajudar l'àvia
and he has started to help the grandmother
què passa?
What's happening?
en algun moment donat aquesta persona
at some given moment this person
ha anat a cagar
he has gone to take a crap
i havent cagat, immediatament
I haven't pooped, immediately.
ha vist com la seva consciència
he has seen how his conscience
tot el seu ser
all her being
ha passat al cos de l'àvia
it has happened to the grandmother's body
llavors
then
òbviament
obviously
es deu haver quedat flipat
He must have been stunned.
però clar, o sigui
but of course, I mean
algo passa amb aquest lavabo
Something is wrong with this bathroom.
és màgic o bé saber
It's magical or well knowing.
algo molt sciència ficció
something very science fiction
tal com ha entrat el net a casa
just as the grandson entered the house
lo primer que ha fet
the first thing he/she has done
aquest pare o mare del net
this parent or mother of the grandchild
és avisar-lo
it's to warn him
és joder, què vols?
It's to fuck, what do you want?
protegir el teu fill
protect your child
és igual, ja em quedo jo
It's fine, I'll stay myself.
amb el cos de l'àvia
with the body of the grandmother
lo futur seria
the future would be
que el teu fill
that your son
esdevingués una àvia
became a grandmother
li diu
he/she says to him/her
que caga aquí és la iaia
The one who poops here is grandma.
és l'explicació
it is the explanation
més lògica que puc trobar
more logic that I can find
des del punt de vista del realisme
from the point of view of realism
hi ha un vàter màgic
there is a magic toilet
correcte
correct
està molt bé que la persona
it is very good that the person
que caga aquí
who shits here
esdevé la iaia
it becomes the grandmother
el que caga aquí és la iaia
The one who poops here is the grandmother.
aquest m'agrada moltíssim
I like this very much.
m'encanta
I love it.
perquè malgrat ser fantàstica
because despite being fantastic
és com la més racional
it's like the most rational one
és la més lògica
it is the most logical
el que caga aquí
whoever poops here
és la iaia
it's the grandma
el que caga aquí és la iaia
the one who shits here is the grandma
no has d'explicar res més
you don't have to explain anything else
és la veritat
it is the truth
hem arribat al final
we have reached the end
de les explicacions que hem rebut
of the explanations we have received
voleu fer un top 3 de iaies
Do you want to make a top 3 of grandmothers?
o voleu triar cadascú la seva preferida
or do you want each one to choose their preferred one
però com ho fem
but how do we do it
un top 3 que cadascú en tria una
a top 3 where everyone chooses one
o un top 3 que ens posem d'acord
or a top 3 that we agree on
jo crec que consensuar és diferent
I believe that reaching a consensus is different.
consuem un top 3
we consume a top 3
jo crec que qui caga es transforma en la iaia
I believe that whoever poops becomes the grandma.
ha de ser el top 3
it must be the top 3
per mi també
for me too
l'explicació tendra de la Lucía
the tender explanation of Lucía
em sembla molt tendra
I find it very tender.
li faria com una menció especial
I would give it a special mention.
potser no és de les meves tops
maybe it's not one of my favorites
però sí que és de les més inesperades
but it is indeed one of the most unexpected.
menció de la Lucía
mention of Lucía
menció d'honor
honorable mention
jo crec que la de l'Edu
I think it's Edu's.
la pel·li ha d'estar aquí
the movie must be here
el blockbuster que no s'ha muntat
the blockbuster that hasn't been made
el blockbuster entra
the blockbuster enters
sí, sisplau
yes, please
estem d'acord
we agree
faltaria una
it would be missing one
el de la guerra civil
the civil war
la guerra civil és molt complet
the civil war is very comprehensive
el de la guerra civil m'ha agradat molt
I really liked the one about the civil war.
com a explicació
as an explanation
és més científic
it's more scientific
un de més fantasiós
one more fanciful
de realisme màgic
of magical realism
com de lògica molt sòlida dins d'un món de fantasia
like very solid logic within a world of fantasy
podria ser un molt bon top 3
it could be a very good top 3
estem d'acord?
Are we in agreement?
perfecte
perfect
en aquest cas
in this case
la iaia té tres explicacions
the grandmother has three explanations
una, el vàter és màgic
One, the toilet is magical.
i qui caga es transforma en la iaia
and whoever shits transforms into the grandmother
dues, la iaia ha estat segrestada
Two, grandma has been kidnapped.
per una sèrie de científics del futur
for a series of scientists from the future
que estan intentant salvar la terra
that are trying to save the earth
a través de la seva caca
through its poop
i el retornar al present
and the return to the present
que formava part de la resistència
that was part of the resistance
que no té res a fer
that has nothing to do
tres, la iaia està ajuntant
three, grandma is gathering
records de la guerra civil
records of the civil war
amb dites populars i maneres de parlar de l'època
with popular sayings and ways of speaking of the time
i està dient
and is saying
el plat més gros és per mi
the biggest plate is for me
aquí la més important de la família sóc jo
here the most important one of the family is me
està molt bé
it's very good
el plat més gros és per mi, el que caga aquí
the biggest plate is for me, the one who shits here
és la iaia
it's the grandma
si les vostres iaies us diuen mai
if your grandmothers ever tell you
el que caga aquí és la iaia
the one who shits here is the grandmother
la resposta és el net
the answer is the grandson
el net, correcte
the grandson, correct
el net
the grandson
i ja està, fins aquí el capítol
And that’s it, that’s the end of the chapter.
i fins aquí la puta espina com a mínim per ara
And until here, the damn thorn at least for now.
que guai, que divertit
How cool, how fun!
hem arribat al final de la temporada
we have reached the end of the season
de la puta espina
of the fucking thorn
per ara no tenim plans de fer-ne més
For now, we have no plans to make more of them.
perquè ha sigut una cosa de
because it has been a thing of
a veure què passa si fem un podcast de conversa
let's see what happens if we do a conversation podcast
no prometem tornar com no prometem no tornar
we do not promise to come back as we do not promise not to come back
aquí ho deixem de moment
we'll leave it here for now
esperem que us hagi agradat
we hope you liked it
jo m'ho he passat molt bé
I had a great time.
jo animo
I encourage.
a la gent des de casa
to the people from home
que extingueu pel món
that you extinguish around the world
el que caga aquí és la iaia
the one who shits here is grandma
la paraula de la iaia
the word of the grandmother
i pregunteu això a més gent
And ask this to more people.
i que aquesta gent li pregunti a més gent
and that these people ask more people
i acabi sent una dita catalana de veritat
and end up being a true Catalan saying
exacte, que les paraules de l'innate
exactly, that the words of the innate
es facin realitat
may they come true
i si ens voleu
and if you want us
contestar per xarxes
respond via social media
la gent del vostre voltant
the people around you
o vosaltres mateixos, quines són les vostres respostes
or you yourselves, what are your answers
si us acudeixen coses noves?
If new things come to mind?
sisplau compartiu-nos-les
please share them with us
perquè ens encanta
because we love it
gràcies per tot
thank you for everything
estengueu la paraula de la iaia
spread the word of grandma
i potser un altre dia una altra cosa
And maybe another day something else.
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