Amouranth a la "Velada 3", Final Fangasy 16...

Música

Music

Hola, soc l'Audi Martínez i us dono la benvinguda al club, el club de la serotonina.

Hello, I'm Audi Martínez and I welcome you to the club, the serotonin club.

Oh yeah!

Oh sí!

M'encanta, m'encanta com estem començant amb aquest to sexy.

I love it, I love how we are starting with this sexy tone.

Has vingut sexy avui, Jordi? Sí, t'ho creus?

Have you come sexy today, Jordi? Yes, do you believe it?

Sí, sí, et veig...

Yes, yes, I see you...

I jo no he vingut sexy?

And I didn't come across as sexy?

Sí, tu sempre, Núria.

Yes, you always, Núria.

Però no et posis gelosa.

But don't get jealous.

Sí, està bé, tio, no?

Yes, it's fine, dude, right?

No te la pelo boi, eh, nens, que no ho veieu.

I'm not peeling it for you, boy, eh, kids, can't you see that?

Sí, es nota, es nota.

Yes, it shows, it shows.

Em deia la Núria abans que es volia fotre rojo putón.

She told me, Núria, before she wanted to get really drunk.

A veure, a veure.

Let's see, let's see.

A mi m'ha dit, el que ha dit ella textualment és pel roig que oba.

He told me, what she said verbatim is because of the red that he has.

Correcte, gràcies, Jordi.

Correct, thank you, Jordi.

A mi no m'ha dit això, a mi no m'ha dit això, però bueno.

He hasn't told me this, he hasn't told me this, but well.

Bueno, estem molt, molt superficials, no, avui, parlant ja de l'aspecte.

Well, we are very, very superficial today, talking already about appearance.

Bueno, perquè al final som de la generació millennial i hem caigut en l'hedonisme, no?, que es diu.

Well, because in the end we are from the millennial generation and we have fallen into hedonism, right? That's what they say.

No podem fer res, tios.

We can't do anything, guys.

Sí, sí, és el que hi ha.

Yes, yes, it is what it is.

Abans la Núria em comentava que té aquesta paranoia que sempre es pensa que té un tros d'espinacs entre les dents.

Before, Núria was telling me that she has this paranoia that she always thinks she has a piece of spinach stuck in her teeth.

O un moquilicao.

Or a moquilicao.

Hòstia, però ara ho dius, tio.

Holy crap, but now you're saying it, dude.

No, a veure, però saps què passa?

No, let's see, but do you know what happens?

Que no sé què tinc a les dents, que jo crec que estan malament fetes, i sempre que menjo se'm queda merda.

I don't know what I have on my teeth, I think they are badly done, and whenever I eat, stuff gets stuck in them.

Llavors la penya no t'ho diu que tens merda a les dents, saps?

Then people don't tell you that you have something stuck in your teeth, you know?

Potser has d'anar preguntant per allà, no?

Maybe you should go asking around there, right?

Bueno, ara...

Well, now...

Què creus que queda pitjor, preguntar-ho o tindre-ho?

What do you think is worse, asking or having it?

Preguntar, és que ara li acabo de dir al Jordi perquè dic, hòstia, no m'ha donat temps d'anar-me a mirar.

To ask, it's just that I just told Jordi because I say, damn, I didn't have time to go look.

I de vegades també tinc mocs, inclús.

And sometimes I also have mucus, even.

Ja, ja, no, no direm això.

Yes, yes, we won't say that.

És que, tio, el de moc sí que, de veritat, que el de moc sí que no es pot permetre.

It's just that, dude, the one with the snot really, the one with the snot definitely cannot be allowed.

Jo crec que és pitjor de tenir les dents omplides de merda que preguntar-ho.

I think it's worse to have your teeth filled with shit than to ask about it.

Jo trobo que també, perquè es veu molt, o sigui, si somrius tens el pegote, saps?

I think so too, because it's very visible, I mean, if you smile you have the spot, you know?

Però el moc també és fotudet, eh?

But the snot is also a bit annoying, right?

El moc és pitjor, el moc és pitjor.

The snot is worse, the snot is worse.

I a més aquí ens estem gravant, vale, perquè qui ens escolti per la ràdio també hi ha vídeo, llavors...

And also, we are recording ourselves here, okay, because anyone who listens to us on the radio can also see the video, so...

Hem de sortir guapots i guapotes.

We need to go out looking handsome and beautiful.

Sobretot, i guapetes.

Above all, and pretty ones.

Bueno, hi ha una de pitjor, eh?

Well, there is one that is worse, huh?

La dels mocs, la de les dents, però hi ha una pitjor.

The one with the snot, the one with the teeth, but there's a worse one.

Mira.

Look.

L'altre dia jo estava fent...

The other day I was doing...

Estava parlant en públic davant d'unes cinquanta persones.

I was speaking in public in front of about fifty people.

Confessions.

Confessions.

I al cap de cinc minuts d'estar parlant...

And after five minutes of talking...

Clar, jo havia anat al lavabo just abans de començar a parlar davant de cinquanta persones, eh?

Sure, I had just gone to the bathroom right before starting to speak in front of fifty people, right?

Cincanta persones adultes.

Fifty adult people.

Perquè jo m'he educat a l'educació, però en aquest cas eren cinquanta persones adultes.

Because I have been educated in education, but in this case, there were fifty adult people.

I cinc minuts després d'estar parlant, em comença a entrar la paranoia de si m'he pujat la bragueta.

And five minutes after talking, I start to feel paranoid about whether I've zipped up my fly.

No!

No!

No ho podreu creure, que està vint minuts parlant.

You won't believe it, he/she has been talking for twenty minutes.

I clar, jo m'anava tapant, clar, no ho tenia molt clar.

Well, I was covering myself, of course, I wasn't very sure about it.

Al final tot va ser una falsa alarma.

In the end, it was all a false alarm.

Però aquests vint minuts de jo tindre la sensació...

But these twenty minutes of me having the feeling...

Perquè clar, tampoc pots posar-te-la amb el paquet per veure...

Because, of course, you can't put it on with the package to see...

Va quedar molt malament.

It turned out very badly.

I tothom pensant, però este guarro...

And everyone thinking, but this filthy...

A lo Michael Jackson, a lo Michael Jackson.

Like Michael Jackson, like Michael Jackson.

Que l'ensenya a mi, ja.

That teaches it to me, already.

Exacte, exacte.

Exact, exact.

I després et va fer com una...

And then it did like a...

No, no, va ser falsa alarma, no va passar res al final.

No, no, it was a false alarm, nothing happened in the end.

Però clar, o sigui...

But of course, I mean...

Una mica vaig...

I'm a bit going...

Bueno, això és el que té...

Well, that's what it has...

I a tu què et passa, Loi, tio?

And what's wrong with you, Loi, man?

A mi no em passa res, la veritat.

Nothing happens to me, to be honest.

Sempre està igual.

It's always the same.

Per què?

Why?

Tu no pateixes, no?

You're not worried, are you?

Tu estàs moníssim de la mort.

You look absolutely stunning.

Jo crec que sí, mira.

I think so, look.

A tu no t'ha passat res aquesta setmana.

Nothing has happened to you this week.

Tens una vida avorrida, no?

You have a boring life, don't you?

Sí, deu ser això.

Yes, it must be that.

Sempre està igual.

It's always the same.

Mai té confessions, tio.

He never has confessions, man.

Ja no podem fer aquesta secció.

We can no longer do this section.

No, jo et diré una cosa.

No, I will tell you something.

Si jo vaig amb la bragueta oberta, no em preocuparia.

If I walked around with my fly open, I wouldn't worry.

Sí, s'ha de bufar.

Yes, you have to blow.

No te'n recordes del programa dels complexos?

Don't you remember the show about complexes?

Què idea?

What idea?

Jo no tinc.

I don't have.

Tot senyor.

Every gentleman.

Jo no tinc, jo tinc.

I don't have, I have.

Però al final la cosa...

But in the end, the thing...

A veure, és tu, també.

Let's see, it's you, too.

Sí, jo tinc.

Yes, I have.

Apaga.

Turn it off.

Però a veure...

But let's see...

Només té complexa de paquet.

She only has a package complex.

No, que no.

No, that’s not it.

No, però...

No, but...

De piquetón, de piquetón.

From big banger, from big banger.

No, no.

No, no.

No va a ser que descobreixin el meu secret.

It won't be that they discover my secret.

Per això es veu massa muntos.

That's why too many mountains are seen.

Ara està barratat.

Now it is barred.

Sí que és veritat que la de la bragueta és un tòpic de l'educació.

It is true that the one about the zipper is a topic of education.

Hi ha un mestre que a mi sempre m'ha dit...

There is a teacher who has always told me...

En plan, tens algun consell...

Like, do you have any advice...

Jo li preguntava, tens algun consell pels novatos?

I asked him, do you have any advice for beginners?

Perquè clar, jo estava començant en aquell moment i tal.

Because, of course, I was just starting out at that moment and such.

I un dia...

And one day...

El primer dia...

The first day...

En plan, l'única cosa que t'has de preocupar

Basically, the only thing you need to worry about

és d'entrar a classe amb la bragueta pujada.

It's like entering the classroom with your zipper down.

O sigui, no pot passar això.

So, this can't happen.

O sigui, d'aquí ja no remuntes.

That is, from here you can't go back up.

O sigui, és impossible remuntar a entrar amb la bragueta baixada.

So, it's impossible to go back in with your fly down.

Especialment si els alumnes ja són una mica més grandets.

Especially if the students are a bit older.

Hòstia, sí, sí.

Damn, yes, yes.

És que això em recorda que jo quan estava a l'institut

It reminds me that when I was in high school

teníem un professor que era una mica especialillo.

We had a teacher who was a bit peculiar.

I no va venir, que jo sàpiga mai, amb la bragueta oberta,

And he never came, as far as I know, with his fly open.

però sí amb...

but yes with...

El re...

The re...

El mulladet aquest de...

This wet one of...

El blanquet aquest dels llavis, potser.

The white one of the lips, perhaps.

Bueno, no...

Well, no...

No sabíem si era blanquet o no,

We didn't know if it was light or not,

però allà hi havia alguna cosa mulladeta.

but there was something damp there.

Però què era això, mulladet?

But what was that, wet?

Bueno, pues que allà on és la bragueta,

Well, where the zipper is,

veies que havia sortit alguna cosa...

you could see that something had come out...

Requesón.

Ricotta.

Requesón, sí.

Cottage cheese, yes.

I es va fer...

And it was done...

Això és fastigós, no?

This is disgusting, isn't it?

Es va fer molta conya durant molts anys.

There was a lot of joking around for many years.

Què ha fet aquest senyor abans d'anar a classe?

What has this gentleman done before going to class?

S'havia fet una palla o què, tio?

Had he jacked off or what, dude?

Si pot ser que tinguis líquid allà.

If possible, you might have liquid there.

Potser una palla o potser ha anat a pixar

Maybe a straw or maybe he has gone to pee.

i se li ha oblidat escórrer la màquera.

And he/she has forgotten to drain the hose.

No ho sé, no ho sé.

I don't know, I don't know.

Bueno, per cert,

Well, by the way,

sacsejar més de tres vegades es considera palla o no?

Is shaking more than three times considered fluff or not?

Hòstia, doncs mira, això ho estava pensant avui

Holy shit, well look, I was thinking about this today.

perquè vinc del gimnàs

because I come from the gym

i hi ha un tio que ha començat a pixar

And there is a guy who has started to pee.

i jo he vist...

And I have seen...

Aquest s'ha sentit massa, eh?

This one has been felt too much, huh?

Han sigut com...

They have been like...

Deixem-la.

Let's leave her.

6 o 7 vegades i...

6 or 7 times and...

Què passa, el Jordi, avui?

What's up, Jordi, today?

Està tot perdut.

Everything is lost.

Deixem-la desmoltol.

Let's leave it untangled.

No, no, però jo vull saber-ho.

No, no, but I want to know.

Bueno, o podem fer una enquesta.

Well, we can do a survey.

Vale, o podem...

Okay, or we can...

Més de tres sacsejades.

More than three shakes.

Jo trobo que no.

I don't think so.

El nostre públic.

Our audience.

Això és una gallola.

This is a hen.

Preguntem-li al públic, Núria.

Let's ask the audience, Núria.

A veure, públic, què opineu?

Let's see, audience, what do you think?

Tres sacsejades a la tita, a la titola,

Three shakes to the tit, to the little tit,

és considerat una gallola?

Is it considered a hen?

Palla o no palla?

Straw or no straw?

Palla o meau?

Straw or meow?

No, no, palla o escurridissa?

No, no, straw or slippery?

Jo crec que és escurridissa.

I think it is elusive.

Jo crec que és...

I believe it is...

M'agrada el tacte de la meva polla, saps?

I like the feel of my penis, you know?

I me la toco una miqueta.

I touch it a little bit.

Com Torrente.

Like Torrente.

Tu a la pregunta de Torrente recordes

You remember the question from Torrente?

la mítica pregunta de...

the mythical question of...

Bueno, no era una pregunta, era una afirmació, no?

Well, it wasn't a question, it was an assertion, wasn't it?

Que ell deia, t'has de netejar les mans abans de pixar.

He said, you have to wash your hands before peeing.

Sí, va, abans, abans.

Yes, go, before, before.

Tu ets d'abans o després?

Are you from before or after?

A veure, jo soc de després, però...

Let’s see, I’m from later, but...

Sí que diuen que la gent que té un ego molt elevat

They do say that people with a very high ego

ho fa abans, clar.

He does it earlier, of course.

No fotis.

Don't mess with me.

I tu, Núria?

And you, Núria?

Ets d'abans o de després?

Are you from before or after?

Jo...

I...

Jo em mantinc al marge.

I stay on the sidelines.

O sigui, hi ha gent que diu...

So, there are people who say...

Ara acabes de confessar la meva transsexualitat, tio.

Now you have just confessed my transsexuality, dude.

Si et respectes més a tu mateix que a la resta, abans.

If you respect yourself more than others, do it first.

Si no...

If not...

A veure, tio, feu-ho després.

Let's see, man, do it later.

Si ho fas abans i després.

If you do it before and after.

I si ho fas abans i després?

And what if you do it before and after?

Això seria el puto amo.

That would be the fucking boss.

El puto amo.

The fucking boss.

Correcte.

Correct.

Ja sabeu, xavals, si ho feu abans i després.

You already know, guys, if you do it before and after.

Ara, qui ho fa abans i després? Ningú.

Now, who does it before and after? No one.

No, perquè és massa.

No, because it's too much.

Però què creus que fan abans i després o abans?

But what do you think they do before and after or before?

S'ha d'establir, s'ha d'optimitzar recursos.

Resources must be established, resources must be optimized.

No fan el després, Núria.

They don't do the after, Núria.

No fan el després, tio.

They don't do the after, dude.

Em sembla lamentable.

I find it regrettable.

Això funciona així, eh?

This works like this, huh?

No, tio.

No, dude.

No sóc jo tan guarro.

I'm not that dirty.

Però el després és lo respectuós amb la resta.

But the afterwards is what respects the rest.

Com que no?

Why not?

El després està bé?

Is the after okay?

No, que no, que el que fa la gent és el que...

No, no, what people do is what...

Que va, home, que sí.

No way, man, of course.

Això només ho fa Torrente.

Only Torrente does this.

Precisament la gràcia de que ho digui Torrente és que no ho fa ningú.

The point of Torrente saying it is that no one else does.

No, no, no, deixem a l'audiència que parli, tio.

No, no, no, let's let the audience speak, dude.

Ramon.

Ramon.

Ja està.

That's it.

Ramon, tu te l'escorreixes abans o després?

Ramon, do you wash it before or after?

No, t'hi desneteixes les mans.

No, you wash your hands there.

Ara estem parlant de netejar-te les mans.

Now we are talking about washing your hands.

Però digues la veritat, eh?

But tell the truth, okay?

Escorrir-se la polla abans no té sentit.

It doesn't make sense to jerk off beforehand.

Jo després.

Me later.

Tu després?

You later?

Bé, és...

Well, it is...

Clar, tio, però és que com ha de ser, collons, o sigui...

Sure, man, but how is it supposed to be, damn it, I mean...

I n'he, joder, no ho fèieu pel Covid.

And no, damn it, you didn't do it for Covid.

No ho fèieu pel Covid a rentar-vos les mans cada dos per darrere, hòstia.

You didn't wash your hands every now and then because of Covid, damn it.

No ho fèieu pel Covid a rentar-vos la polla?

Weren't you washing your penis because of Covid?

No.

No.

Amb gel hidroalcohòlic allà tot...

With hydroalcoholic gel there everything...

No, no, no, o sigui...

No, no, no, I mean...

Al Covid hi ha moltes coses que s'havien de fer i ja no feia.

With Covid, there were many things that had to be done and were no longer being done.

Solo per començar.

Just to start.

No he trencat les mans.

I haven't broken my hands.

Hi ha gent que té les mans totes desgastades, que les veus consumides,

There are people whose hands are all worn out, whose faces are consumed,

de tant rentar-se amb gel hidroalcohòlic.

from so much washing with hand sanitizer.

Hi havia una paranoia al voltant d'això, increïble.

There was a paranoia around this, incredible.

O sigui, clar, si a les botigues pretenien que ens rentéssim les mans amb gel hidroalcohòlic,

So, of course, if they expected us to wash our hands with hand sanitizer in the stores,

és superagressiu.

he's super aggressive.

Cada dos minuts, cada vegada que entres a una botiga, no?

Every two minutes, every time you walk into a store, right?

Imagina'n allà al súper, tio.

Imagine that at the supermarket, dude.

O sigui, no al súper, a la maquinista.

So, not at the supermarket, at the machinist.

Sí, clar, jo parlo d'això.

Yes, of course, I am talking about that.

Anem a un sorteo comercial i cada dos minuts t'has de rentar-te les mans.

We're going to a commercial raffle and every two minutes you have to wash your hands.

Doncs hi havia gent que ho feia i avui en dia mireu-li les mans.

Well, there were people who did it, and nowadays look at their hands.

Els podeu reconèixer, eh?

You can recognize them, right?

És absurd, això.

This is absurd.

A l'entrada d'una tenda, per què collons ho havies de fer?

At the entrance of a tent, why the hell did you have to do it?

Bueno, jo què sé, abans...

Well, I don't know, before...

Perquè s'havia de gastar...

Because it had to be spent...

Hi havia molta paranoia.

There was a lot of paranoia.

No se'n recordeu què?

Don't you remember what?

Bueno, no sé, però jo a la meva feina, si utilitzàvem llibres,

Well, I don't know, but at my job, if we used books,

els havíem de desinfectar, o si no, no els podíem utilitzar en dos dies.

We had to disinfect them, otherwise, we couldn't use them for two days.

O sigui, hi havia un rotllo molt paranoi.

So, there was a very paranoid vibe.

I ara hi ha penya que encara aguanta això i està loquíssima amb el tema de la gent.

And now there are people who still put up with this and are totally crazy about the issue of people.

És que hi ha gent que no ho ha superat, això.

It's just that there are people who haven't gotten over this.

Això s'ha carregat una generació de maníacs.

This has ruined a generation of maniacs.

Bueno, i per això hi ha tanta penya ara que està malalta.

Well, and that's why there are so many people now who are sick.

No sé si...

I don't know if...

No sé si ho ha agafat algú un respiat en aquests dies.

I don’t know if anyone has caught a cold these days.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

O sigui, és una locura.

I mean, it's crazy.

Ara hi ha un tema...

Now there's a topic...

Tu vas tenir Covid dos cops.

You had Covid twice.

No heu sentit una cosa d'estrecto coco?

Haven't you heard something about 'strecto coco'?

Sí, hi ha una cosa d'estrecto coco.

Yes, there is a thing about strict coconut.

Hi ha una espècie de...

There is a kind of...

Bueno, que s'està tornant una cosa que sembla de superada.

Well, it's becoming something that seems to be outdated.

Això és com l'escarlatina, una malaltia, no?

Isn't this like scarlet fever, a disease?

Com la tuberculosi, que parlen i sembla que t'estiguin parlant d'una cosa dels anys 60.

Like tuberculosis, they talk about it and it seems like they are talking to you about something from the 1960s.

Doncs ara es veu que ha tornat amb molta força, no sé què dir, hosti.

Well, it seems that it has come back with a lot of force, I don't know what to say, damn.

Sí, sí, sí.

Yes, yes, yes.

Però a veure, pots parlar una mica més d'això?

But let's see, can you talk a little more about that?

Bueno, és una espècie d'infecció que et pot agafar i tal, i que es veu que...

Well, it's a kind of infection that can affect you and such, and it seems that...

Però iudelas ho fas? És un ongo?

But what do you do? Is it a mushroom?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

T'ho imagines?

Can you imagine it?

Està posant la mierda!

He's messing it up!

M'he d'espantar?

Should I be scared?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

A veure, si tens alguna infecció potser sí, però no, en principi, no?

Let's see, if you have an infection maybe yes, but no, in principle, right?

No, no, jo estic de puta mare.

No, no, I'm doing great.

No vull espantar ningú.

I don't want to scare anyone.

Sana, sana com un ron.

Healthy, healthy like a rum.

No t'espantis.

Don't be scared.

Qui no s'ha espantat és el protagonista d'avui, no, Jordi?

Who hasn't been scared is today's protagonist, right, Jordi?

Bueno, tenim molts protagonistes.

Well, we have many protagonists.

El primer protagonista...

The first protagonist...

Bueno, parlant d'enfermetats també anirem...

Well, speaking of illnesses, we will also go...

Mira, ahir estàvem fent...

Look, yesterday we were doing...

El programa, pensàvem quina setmana més fluixa, no hi ha contingut,

The program, we thought which week is weaker, there is no content.

i al final hem hagut de descartar temes.

And in the end, we had to discard topics.

I una merda, clar.

And a shit, of course.

Bueno, primer protagonista de la setmana, Jordi.

Well, first protagonist of the week, Jordi.

Un senyor, un conductor, no?

A gentleman, a driver, right?

Sí, conductor d'helicòpter.

Yes, helicopter pilot.

Helicòpter, ja que guai, no?

Helicopter, pretty cool, right?

Sí, és una història que ho té tot.

Yes, it's a story that has it all.

Tenim un conductor d'helicòpter de la DGT,

We have a helicopter pilot from the DGT,

o sigui, un treballador públic,

that is, a public worker,

una persona que ens vigila quan conduïm,

a person who watches over us when we drive,

que vigila que tot vagi bé.

that ensures everything goes well.

Molt bé, ens agrada aquest senyor.

Very well, we like this gentleman.

Doncs aquest senyor ha d'eterrar d'emergència prop de Madrid.

So this gentleman needs to be buried urgently near Madrid.

Hòstia, haurà tingut algun problema, no?

Damn, he must have had some problem, right?

Sí, clar.

Yes, of course.

Hi ha fotos de l'helicòpter pel terra, o sigui...

There are photos of the helicopter on the ground, so...

No funcionava bé l'helicòpter.

The helicopter wasn't working well.

Bueno, al final el que resulta és que el conductor de...

Well, in the end what happens is that the driver of...

De l'helicòpter.

From the helicopter.

De l'helicòpter, una vegada hi ha hagut...

From the helicopter, once there has been...

De què? El taxista, el taxista.

What about? The taxi driver, the taxi driver.

Una vegada hi ha hagut...

Once there has been...

El camionet.

The truck.

Aquest accident, doncs, que es fa una mica enlonguis

This accident, then, that it becomes a bit elongated.

per no haver de passar el test d'alcohòlemia ni de drogues.

to avoid having to take the breathalyzer or drug test.

I és més, dissimulant, dissimulant, se'n va caminant, dels fets.

And moreover, pretending, pretending, he walks away, from the facts.

Caminant, eh? Que no correu.

Walking, huh? You're not running.

Sí, sí, se'n va caminant, perquè clar...

Yes, yes, he is walking away, because of course...

És important.

It is important.

L'acabo de liar, però, eh, amb orgull.

I just messed it up, but, hey, with pride.

Clar, no se'n podia anar amb cotxe, perquè ja...

Of course, he couldn't go by car, because he...

Amb orgull.

With pride.

Recordem que havia tingut un accident amb helicòpter,

Remember that he had an accident with a helicopter,

i l'helicòpter ja no estava deservible.

and the helicopter was no longer serviceable.

El cotxe estava una mica en l'alcot.

The car was a little in the alcove.

Se'n va, clar, havia passat per allà al mig,

He goes away, of course, he had passed through there in the middle.

que no estava a prop de cap ni color va,

that it was not close to any color at all,

doncs, així, se'n va caminant.

Well, then, he's walking away.

Clar, llavors, a la que se n'ha donat en compte,

Sure, then, once they have realized it,

arriba la Guàrdia Civil i li diuen, no,

the Civil Guard arrives and they say to him, no,

que el protocol diu que s'ha de fer unes proves,

that the protocol states that some tests must be performed,

on està el conductor, tal, qual...

where is the driver, just like that...

No sé, se n'ha anat, però com se n'ha anat?

I don't know, he/she has left, but how did he/she leave?

Com que aquí no se'n porta ningú,

Since no one here wears it,

doncs, el comencen a buscar, el troben,

so, they start looking for him, they find him,

li passen les proves, i dona positiu en alcohol,

he fails the tests, and he tests positive for alcohol,

cocaïna i en cetacines.

cocaine and cetamines.

Ole, tu!

Hey, you!

Bueno, quasi nada, casi nada, no?

Well, almost nothing, right?

Ei, aquest és l'alien, fa la potito.

Hey, this is the alien, he's making the potito.

Sí, sí, sí, aquest és l'alien.

Yes, yes, yes, this is the alien.

Toca-te els collons, eh.

Touch your balls, huh.

Bueno, és que, clar, s'ha d'anar ben encocat per...

Well, it's just that, of course, you have to be well-prepared to...

Per precisar.

To be precise.

No es pot ser tan fi de puta.

One cannot be such a sophisticated whore.

Un dels nostres diaris de confiança, l'ABC,

One of our trusted newspapers, ABC,

que és conegut per les seves objectivitats,

which is known for its objectivities,

doncs, ha dit que és un conegut i habitual cocaïna.

Well, he said that he is a well-known and habitual cocaine user.

Això.

This.

Però ja ens hem de creure l'ABC.

But we already have to believe the ABC.

Això ja no ho sabem, no?

We don't know that anymore, do we?

Potser aquell dia havia tingut un mal dia,

Maybe that day I had a bad day,

l'havia deixat a xurri, i va dir a to'm a poc color.

I had left it at Xurri, and he said to me with a little color.

Hi hauria d'haver una mica més de controls, no?

There should be a bit more control, right?

O sigui, deixar conduint un helicàpter

So, leaving a helicopter flying.

amb un drogo de pendent.

with a hanging drug.

Clar, és que potser no ho saps.

Of course, maybe you don't know it.

Bueno, a veure, també et dic una cosa, eh.

Well, let's see, I'm telling you one thing, okay?

Hi ha molta penya que consumeix coca.

There are a lot of people who use coke.

Sí, sí, moltíssima.

Yes, yes, very much.

Però aquesta persona diu que tenia problemes greus.

But this person says they had serious problems.

Aquí som tres, i estadísticament, segurament,

Here we are three, and statistically, probably,

un de nosaltres consumeix coca.

One of us uses cocaine.

Ui, el Ramon està...

Oh, Ramon is...

Ui, Ramon, Ramon!

Oh, Ramon, Ramon!

Aquí som quatre, eh.

Here we are four, huh.

Ramon, tio, que t'acabes de...

Ramon, dude, that you just...

Jo posaria la mà al foc pels quatre, va.

I would put my hand in the fire for the four of them, come on.

Els quatre consumeixen coca.

The four consume coke.

Pels tres, pels tres.

For the three, for the three.

A veure, s'ha de consumir...

Let's see, it must be consumed...

Posaria la mà al foc que no.

I would bet my hand on fire that no.

No, no, a veure, jo us diré la veritat.

No, no, let's see, I will tell you the truth.

S'ha de consumir coca per estar un dimarts aquí.

You have to consume cocaine to be here on a Tuesday.

Així, així.

So, so.

No, dis-nos les drogues.

No, tell us the drugs.

És un programa sempre en contra de les drogues.

It's a program always against drugs.

Jo soc molt contra les drogues, eh.

I am very against drugs, you know.

Puc fer bromes sobre el tema?

Can I make jokes about the topic?

Jo t'he de confessar que també.

I have to confess to you that I also do.

Soc a tope contra les drogues.

I am totally against drugs.

Les drogues són dolentes.

Drugs are bad.

L'alcohol és considerat...

Alcohol is considered...

Mira, mira com està mirant l'Eloi.

Look, look how Eloi is looking.

Ja, d'acord.

Yes, okay.

Un moment, clar, podem dir què considerem drogues.

One moment, of course, we can say what we consider drugs.

Ja sabem el que són les drogues, però què considerem drogues?

We already know what drugs are, but what do we consider drugs?

Abans que contesteu...

Before you answer...

Cafè és una droga.

Coffee is a drug.

Abans que contesteu, us diré que la càmera crec que té Parkinson.

Before you answer, I will tell you that the camera I think has Parkinson's disease.

Llavors intentem deixar la taula tranquil·la

Then we try to keep the table calm.

perquè no sé què li passa a la càmera

because I don't know what's wrong with the camera

que jo crec que s'està posant nerviosa.

that I think she is getting nervous.

Estem parlant de cocaïna i la càmera està tremolant.

We are talking about cocaine and the camera is shaking.

Està bé, està bé.

It's okay, it's okay.

Està espitada.

She is angry.

A veure, relaxem-nos, sisplau, eh.

Let's see, let's relax, please, okay?

L'alcohol és una droga, Núria, ho sento molt.

Alcohol is a drug, Núria, I'm very sorry.

Clar.

Of course.

És una droga, cuidado, eh, dura.

It's a drug, be careful, it's tough.

És a dir, si parles amb serveis socials,

That is to say, if you talk to social services,

et diran que la majoria de la penya que tenen

they will tell you that most of the group they have

en problemes de drogodependència són alcohòlics

In drug dependence problems, they are alcoholics.

i concretament en...

and specifically in...

Com era la paraula?

What was the word like?

En no alcohòlics, o algo així,

In non-alcoholics, or something like that,

que són les persones que són alcohòliques dependents del vi.

they are the people who are alcoholics dependent on wine.

Sempre parlem...

We always talk...

Una copeta de vi no no hace daño,

A small glass of wine doesn't do any harm,

pues sí que fa daño.

Well, it really hurts.

Mira, tio, però una copeta de vi...

Look, man, but just a little glass of wine...

No et dic cada dia, però...

I don't tell you every day, but...

Jo ahir em vaig fotre una copa de vi per sopar.

I had a glass of wine for dinner yesterday.

Sí, però ja, doncs...

Yes, but well, then...

Cuida't amb la càmera i els serveis socials.

Take care with the camera and social services.

Potser és una copeta de vi.

Perhaps it's a little glass of wine.

Potser és una copeta de vi a l'hora del vermut,

Maybe it's a glass of wine at vermouth time,

una altra a l'hora de dinar,

another at lunchtime,

una altra per la tarda mentre cuines el sopar,

another one in the afternoon while you cook dinner,

una altra mentre sopes,

another while you have dinner,

i un gin tònic quan abans d'anar a dormir.

And a gin and tonic before going to sleep.

Això et converteix en alcohòlic, vulgues o no.

This makes you an alcoholic, whether you want to be or not.

Sí, sí, sí.

Yes, yes, yes.

I hi ha molta gent que segurament no se n'adona,

And there are many people who probably don't realize it,

però això és així, no fotem.

but that's how it is, let's not mess around.

El meu avi...

My grandfather...

Tota la vida s'havia fotut cots de vi

All his life he had been drinking a lot of wine.

per dinar i per sopar,

for lunch and for dinner,

i un dia se'n va adonar que era una mica alcohòlic.

And one day he realized that he was a bit of an alcoholic.

Va haver de deixar-lo.

He had to leave him.

Hòstia, fora.

Holy shit, get out.

Ho ha deixat, de cop.

He has stopped, suddenly.

O sigui, quin és el marge per dir que ets alcohòlic?

So, what is the margin for saying that you are an alcoholic?

Bueno, quan el dia que no beus,

Well, when the day you don't drink,

ho trobes a faltar, et sents malament.

you miss it, you feel bad.

Si el teu cos se sent malament

If your body feels unwell.

quan no consumeixes una droga...

when you don't use a drug...

Mira, l'altre dia vaig llegir que si et fots

Look, the other day I read that if you get into trouble

sis cerveses al dia,

six beers a day,

ja ets alcohòlic.

you are already an alcoholic.

Home, evidentment.

Home, of course.

Però és que jo no sé si bevo tots sis cerveses mai.

But I don't know if I ever drink all six beers.

Ja sabem qui és l'alcohòlic.

We already know who the alcoholic is.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Un moment, un moment.

One moment, one moment.

Hi ha molta penya que es fot sis birres cada dia.

There are a lot of people who have six beers every day.

A veure què dius.

Let's see what you say.

Hòstia, sis birres.

Damn, six beers.

Jo no conec a ningú que es foti sis birres diàries.

I don't know anyone who drinks six beers a day.

A veure, hi ha gent que és molt birrero,

Let's see, there are people who are very fussy.

que és com la Coca-Cola, no?

It's like Coca-Cola, isn't it?

Però jo crec que comptaria amb els dits de la mà

But I think I could count them on one hand.

els dies que m'he fotut sis birres a la meva vida.

the days I've had six beers in my life.

Això comença així, Núria.

This starts like this, Núria.

Tu primer comences al fin, però després dius

You start with the end, but then you say

dijous, bueno, dijous surto

Thursday, well, Thursday I'm going out.

festa universitària, avui sis birres.

university party, today six beers.

Divendres, ah, és divendres, sis birres.

Friday, ah, it’s Friday, six beers.

Dissabte, ah, és dissabte, sis birres.

Saturday, ah, it's Saturday, six beers.

Diumenge, bueno, va, per començar a veure la setmana,

Sunday, well, let's go, to start seeing the week,

sis birres. El dilluns potser descanses,

six beers. On Monday you might rest,

però el dimarts ja et fots dos,

but on Tuesday you already get two,

el dimecres quatre. El dilluns estàs cansat i et fots birres

Wednesday the fourth. On Monday you’re tired and you drink beers.

per ofegar les penes. I has de tenir molt de temps lliure,

to drown the sorrows. And you need to have a lot of free time,

també t'ho dic, eh. A veure, aquí hi ha un vídeo

I also tell you, okay. Let’s see, here is a video.

on es veu alguna persona, no diré qui,

where you can see someone, I won't say who,

que no para d'aixecar el braç.

that doesn't stop raising the arm.

Birra sí, birra també.

Beer yes, beer too.

No direm qui, no direm qui.

We won't say who, we won't say who.

Aquí fa referència, la veritat.

Here it refers, the truth.

No, però sí que és veritat que, clar...

No, but it is true that, of course...

Mira, aigüeta, eh.

Look, little water, huh.

Aquí diem birres, qui és l'única que beu aigua d'aquí?

Here we say beers, who is the only one that drinks water from here?

Molt bé, molt bé.

Very good, very good.

Saps on se veu molta aigua, no? Als festivals de tecno i tot això

You know where you see a lot of water, right? At techno festivals and all that.

es veu una d'aigua increïble.

It looks like an incredible amount of water.

Jo ja està, ja. Que mal pensat que sóc, tio.

I'm already done, yeah. How poorly thought out I am, man.

No, però els pitjors vicis són aquests que, clar, que són petites coses

No, but the worst vices are those that, of course, are small things.

que no tenen adonis. És com el tabac, no?

they don't have adonis. It's like tobacco, right?

Ningú no té la importància a fumar-se una cigarret.

No one has the importance of smoking a cigarette.

Llavors, aquests són els pitjors, perquè al final

So, these are the worst, because in the end

acabes consumint molt sense adonar-te

you end up consuming a lot without realizing it

i sense que ningú et jutgi.

And don’t let anyone judge you.

La birra, el got de vi, la cigarret.

The beer, the glass of wine, the cigarette.

Si tu et vas fotent ratlles

If you keep doing lines

pel món, evidentment

around the world, obviously

hi haurà algú que et dirà, no, estàs bé, tens problemes.

There will be someone who will tell you, no, you are fine, you have problems.

Però això no passa amb el tabac.

But this does not happen with tobacco.

Però amb el vi, amb el tabac, amb la cerveseta

But with the wine, with the tobacco, with the beer.

no et passa. Però a veure, sí que és cert que jo veig

it doesn't happen to you. But let's see, it is true that I see

algú fotent-se una ratlla i dic, hòstia,

someone doing a line and I say, damn,

tu llidito, tio, saps?

You little bastard, man, you know?

Tu llidito. Sí o no?

Your little light. Yes or no?

Bueno, vau veure a la velada

Well, you saw at the evening.

del Jordi Wild.

by Jordi Wild.

Has anat a fotre coca? Bueno, no, però...

Have you gone to do coke? Well, no, but...

Presuntament. No, però el tiparraco, que és

Presumably. No, but the guy, what is he?

precisament el youtuber aquest

precisely this youtuber

que et va recomanar el Ramon.

that Ramon recommended to you.

Ramon, tiparraco.

Ramon, big loser.

Estava molt passadet, eh?

It was quite over the top, huh?

Estava molt passadet. Sí, estava completament

I was very worn out. Yes, I was completely.

borratxo, segur, i guat més.

drunk, sure, and more cool.

La gent comenta que a Paranava

People say that in Paranava

una mica drogat, també.

a little stoned, too.

I estava superagressiu,

I was super aggressive,

vamos, cridant maricón

let's go, shouting faggot

de forma compulsiva. Bueno, quan el...

compulsively. Well, when the...

Com es diu l'humorista aquest que va...

What is the name of that comedian who...

Sí, un tio que fa bromes. Com es diu l'humorista aquest

Yes, a guy who tells jokes. What is the name of this comedian?

que va... El David Suárez, potser? Sí.

No way... David Suárez, perhaps? Yes.

Quan el David Suárez va fer el seu monòleg,

When David Suárez did his monologue,

el tiparraco s'ha dit, mana... Clar, clar.

The guy has said, commands... Of course, of course.

Maricón, que eres un maricón. I més vegades.

Queer, you are a queer. And more times.

O sigui, està completament

That is, it is completely

a l'altre lloc. I després el Jordi Wild

to the other place. And then Jordi Wild

ha explicat que hi va haver més gent que se li va queixar

He explained that there were more people who complained to him.

dient-li, és que este tio m'està molestant,

telling him, it's just that this guy is bothering me,

este tio és molt pesat, tota l'estona

this guy is so annoying, all the time

em ve darrere. Sí, sí. No sé qui

He's following me. Yes, yes. I don't know who.

el tiparraco, estic fent una miqueta...

the guy, I am doing a little bit...

Tio que fa bromes, de càmera

Dude who makes jokes, on camera.

oculta, sobretot. Bueno, jo crec que se li va anar una mica

hide, above all. Well, I think he lost it a bit.

l'olla, no? Bueno, a veure.

The pot, right? Well, let's see.

Però és un bon youtuber o...? El tema és que

But is he a good YouTuber or...? The thing is that

es diu que ja l'havia passat altres vegades

It is said that it had happened to him before.

en esdeveniments similars. Clar.

in similar events. Sure.

És reincident. Si

It's a repeat offender. Yes.

t'ha passat ja un parell de vegades...

It has already happened to you a couple of times...

A mi m'agradaria

I would like.

entrevistar aquí el tiparraco, però borratxo.

interview the jerk here, but drunk.

Bueno, no hi ha cap problema.

Well, there is no problem.

Aquí tenim birra, eh?

Here we have beer, right?

Et convidem aquí a la serotonina

We invite you here to serotonin.

a que donis la teva versió. Això sí,

to give your version. That is,

borratxo. L'hi vas saber

drunk. Did you know it?

bastant greu, el tema. No crec que sigui

quite serious, the issue. I don't think it is.

la millor manera de...

the best way to...

Tampoc, a veure, ara mateix. Per què l'hi vas saber

Not really, let's see, right now. Why did you know about it?

greu, el tema? Bueno, perquè, òbviament,

Serious, the topic? Well, because, obviously,

ell s'aixeca amb una resaca

he wakes up with a hangover

increïble i es troba que tothom...

incredible and it turns out that everyone...

És trending topic al Twitter, tothom dient-li

It's trending topic on Twitter, everyone is telling him/her.

cocainòman. És normal que no et senti bé.

cocaine addict. It's normal that you don't feel well.

Com vols que et senti bé?

How do you want me to feel good?

Ja va més loco. I clar, hi ha gent

He's gone crazier. And of course, there are people.

que, clar, fins llavors com a que ningú

that, of course, until then as if no one

n'havia parlat, però una vegada comença a parlar un sí...

I had talked about it, but once you start talking about it, yes...

Amb un altre esdeveniment

With another event

que es va fer de no sé què, també va passar el mateix.

What happened to I don't know what, the same thing also occurred.

Ja està completament tombat, no sé què.

It's completely turned over, I don't know what.

Clar, doncs, comença a parlar un, comença a parlar

Sure, then, one starts to speak, one starts to speak.

més gent i al final aquí es fa una bola.

more people and in the end it turns into a snowball.

Però, a veure, és que es controli

But, let's see, it's that it is controlled.

doncs, no? Ja saps que...

Well, right? You know that...

Segurament hi ha problemes aquí.

There are probably problems here.

Doncs, hòstia, potser ens esperem unes setmanetes

Well, damn, maybe we should wait a few weeks.

o que vingui aquest noi.

or that this guy comes.

Bueno, si és el que m'agradaria és que vingués ara, no?

Well, if it's what I would like, it's for him to come now, right?

Ara que és trending topic. Sí, jo contenta, eh?

Now that it’s trending topic. Yes, I’m happy, huh?

Vull dir, si ens escolta...

I mean, if he/she listens to us...

Per cert, sabeu qui és trending topic també, ara?

By the way, do you know who is trending topic as well, now?

Bé, Tamara Falcó.

Well, Tamara Falcó.

La teva amiga.

Your friend.

Algú molt més important.

Someone much more important.

Home, a veure,

Let’s see,

ja m'ho suposo.

I already thought so.

Bruce Willis. Ah, és veritat.

Bruce Willis. Ah, it's true.

Bruce Willis o Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis or Bruce Willis.

Saps què li ha passat, Núria, a Bruce Willis?

Do you know what happened to Bruce Willis, Núria?

Quant fa que no veus una pel·lícula de Bruce Willis?

How long has it been since you last saw a Bruce Willis movie?

Fuà, la tira, no?

Wow, that's a lot, isn't it?

Quina és la teva pel·lícula favorita, Bruce Willis?

What is your favorite movie, Bruce Willis?

El Sexto Sentido.

The Sixth Sense.

És molt bona, aquesta. Mira que és de por

It's very good, this one. Look how scary it is.

i no m'agraden gens, eh? La Junta de Cristal.

I don't like them at all, you know? The Glass Board.

Ah, hòstia, la Junta de Cristal és molt bona, eh?

Ah, damn, the Crystal Board is really good, isn't it?

Jo, ah, no, la Junta de Cristal

I, ah, no, the Crystal Board

me l'has tret de la boca, tio.

You took the words right out of my mouth, man.

Ara ja ens quedem en blanc, no?

Now we are left blank, right?

Ara ja...

Now already...

A partir d'aquí...

From here on...

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Tenia... Deixa'm pensar.

I had... Let me think.

Bueno, a veure, Pulp Fiction.

Well, let's see, Pulp Fiction.

Pulp Fiction no és protagonista, però és...

Pulp Fiction is not the protagonist, but it is...

Portar Pulp Fiction?

Bring Pulp Fiction?

És el boxejador, és una pel·lícula

It's the boxer, it's a movie.

molt coral, però sí, sí, surt allà.

Very coral, but yes, yes, it comes out there.

Pulp Fiction. Canvió Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction. It changed Pulp Fiction.

i llavors t'ha deixat la Junta de Cristal.

And then the Glass Board has left you.

No, no, té una que és dolentíssima, però que em fa molta gràcia

No, no, he got one that is really terrible, but it makes me laugh a lot.

que crec que la protagonista

that I think the protagonist

és aquesta que va anar a buscar una joguina

it's the one that went to get a toy

per, o sigui... No, aquesta és Schwarzenegger.

But, I mean... No, this is Schwarzenegger.

Segur? Sí, sí.

Sure? Yes, yes.

Turboman.

Turboman.

Pel·lícula

Movie

Pulp Fiction.

Pulp Fiction.

Brutal. És que he vist aquesta pel·li mil cops.

Brutal. I've seen this movie a thousand times.

Pel·lícula de Nadal

Christmas movie

típica, Turboman, per la mort de Déu.

typical, Turboman, for God's sake.

Que no es diu així, eh, per cert.

It's not said like that, you know, by the way.

Es diu algo así, tipo un papá ideal, una merda així.

It's something like, an ideal dad, something like that.

Però, bueno, és Turboman, per mi, evidentment.

But, well, it's Turboman, for me, obviously.

Jo pensava que ningú coneixia aquesta pel·li.

I thought that nobody knew about this movie.

És una pel·lícula històrica.

It's a historical movie.

És també una pel·lícula molt cringe,

It's also a very cringe movie.

que fa una mica de vergonya liera, perquè...

that makes you feel a bit shy, because...

Sí, però és real. Hi ha pel·lícula als Estats Units

Yes, but it is real. There is a movie in the United States.

que es guanya la vida comprant joguines

who makes a living buying toys

un mes abans

a month earlier

i fent rebenda a saco amb els pares desesperats.

And making a big fuss with the desperate parents.

Aquí no li ha passat.

It hasn't happened here.

Aquí li ha passat que, en Nadal, el primer Nadal,

Here it has happened that, at Christmas, the first Christmas,

jo recordo amb uns pares buscant

I remember with some parents searching.

PlayStation 1, un any

PlayStation 1, one year

de 1999, i era impossible de trobar-la.

from 1999, and it was impossible to find her.

I què van fer?

And what did they do?

Van recórrer a...

They resorted to...

No sé com van fer el final, no sé, però...

I don't know how they did the ending, I don't know, but...

Mercado Negro?

Black Market?

No sé si va ser... L'any següent sí que ens la van poder regalar,

I don't know if it was... The following year they were able to give it to us as a gift.

però l'any abans no, no sé, però bueno,

but the year before no, I don't know, but well,

que això és molt habitual.

that this is very common.

Tu, Núria, si tinguessis una filla barra fill

You, Núria, if you had a daughter or son.

i et demana el Turboman este,

and he asks you for this Turboman,

et tornaries boja per trobar-la?

Would you go crazy trying to find her?

És que, a veure, jo sóc una mica...

The thing is, let's see, I am a bit...

Vale, vale, imagina't, imagina't...

Okay, okay, imagine, imagine...

Bueno, que al final no aconsegueix un Turboman, eh?

Well, in the end, he doesn't get a Turboman, huh?

No m'ha destripat la pel·lícula, total.

He hasn't spoiled the movie for me, anyway.

Al final...

In the end...

Es converteix i...

It becomes and...

Spoiler, spoiler,

Spoiler, spoiler,

sempre estem... Si algú volia veure aquesta pel·li

we are always... If someone wanted to see this movie

tan xula, la Schwarzenegger...

so cool, the Schwarzenegger...

És una pel·lícula molt dolenta, sí.

It's a very bad movie, yes.

Però s'ha de veure, eh?

But it has to be seen, right?

Entre aquesta i la de que

Between this one and that one.

sabeu que hi ha una pel·lícula on el Schwarzenegger s'embarassa?

Do you know that there is a movie where Schwarzenegger gets embarrassed?

Ah, sí, sí, sí, és veritat.

Ah, yes, yes, yes, it’s true.

Va haver-hi una època molt dolenta del Schwarzenegger.

There was a very bad period for Schwarzenegger.

Aquesta pel·lícula la criticaries a saco,

You would criticize this movie a lot,

no ho sé. Sí, sí.

I don't know. Yes, yes.

I fan com una espècie d'experiment

They do like a kind of experiment.

i tens a Schwarzenegger embarassat.

and you have Schwarzenegger embarrassed.

No, tio, no em sona gens aquesta pel·lícula.

No, dude, this movie doesn't ring a bell at all.

De quin any és? Amb Dani De Vito.

What year is it from? With Danny De Vito.

O sigui, també és d'aquella època.

So, it's also from that time.

És un tema bastant de Schwarzenegger, d'aquell tipus.

It's a topic quite like Schwarzenegger, that kind of thing.

Sí, bueno. Bastant creepy.

Yes, well. Quite creepy.

Comèdia xorra. Aquesta també que era...

Silly comedy. This one too that was...

És que és tot molt creepy. Que era un tio que estava a mar, crec.

It's just that everything is really creepy. I think it was a guy who was at sea.

Sí, sí, sí.

Yes, yes, yes.

Però aquesta no és tan dolenta.

But this one isn't so bad.

Però com es deia aquesta pel·lícula?

But what was the name of that movie?

Aquesta era una pel·lícula, tio.

This was a movie, dude.

I ara estàvem amb Mart.

And now we were with Mars.

Sí, sí, pot ser, pot ser.

Yes, yes, maybe, maybe.

Bueno, en realitat era com una empresa que et venia el somni.

Well, actually it was like a company that sold you the dream.

O sigui, que tu podies viure com una realitat virtual.

So, you could live like a virtual reality.

És un rotllo molt raro, però...

It's a very weird thing, but...

Però aquesta no és tan dolenta.

But this one isn't so bad.

Jordi, controla't, tio, controla't.

Jordi, control yourself, man, control yourself.

Mira, mira com estic jo.

Look, look at how I am.

No, no, no, bueno.

No, no, no, well.

No, pots ficar-te així, còmoda, tal.

No, you can’t just get in like that, comfortable, like that.

Que clar, la penya...

How clear, the gang...

Bueno, però una cosa...

Well, but one thing...

Has de com a Jordi Wilde, parlar així.

You have to speak like Jordi Wilde.

Eh, tio, eh!

Hey, dude, hey!

Eh, tio, què passa?

Hey, dude, what's up?

Una cosa, hem començat dient que explicaríem algo del Bruce Willis

One thing, we started by saying that we would tell something about Bruce Willis.

i no ho hem explicat.

and we haven't explained it.

Que l'Helena Bruce Willis...

That Helena Bruce Willis...

Espera, podem tornar?

Wait, can we go back?

No, no, ja està bé.

No, no, it's fine.

Com a mínim ens sentim a veure.

At least we feel like seeing each other.

Ens estan sabotejant!

They are sabotaging us!

Què està passant, tio?

What's happening, dude?

Ens estan sabotejant!

They are sabotaging us!

Tu creus que la penya està escoltant això, ara mateix?

Do you think the gang is listening to this right now?

Sí, clar, clar, que som a l'estiu del directe.

Yes, of course, of course, we are in the summer of live broadcasts.

No, no, no, diu que no.

No, no, no, she says no.

Vinga, Ramon, a la puta calle!

Come on, Ramon, to the damn street!

El Ramon ens està sabotejant.

Ramon is sabotaging us.

Bueno, seguim, seguim amb el programa.

Well, let's continue, let's continue with the program.

Intenta...

Try...

Home, ara ven!

Come on, now sell!

Intenta...

Try...

Podeu explicar ja el Bruce Willis d'una vegada, me cago en Déu.

Can you explain Bruce Willis already, for God's sake?

A veure, Bruce Willis, jo et deia,

Let's see, Bruce Willis, I was telling you,

per què fa temps que no veus cap pel·lícula de Bruce Willis?

Why haven't you watched a Bruce Willis movie in a while?

Per què creus...

Why do you think...

Doncs perquè s'ha fet gran, ja està, la vida passa i...

Well, because he has grown up, that's it, life goes on and...

I està mort, Núria, està mort, Bruce Willis.

And he is dead, Núria, he is dead, Bruce Willis.

Què dius, tio?

What are you saying, dude?

Sí, que està mort.

Yes, he is dead.

Que sí?

What, really?

Que no, home, no.

No way, man.

Que sí, Jordi?

What do you mean, Jordi?

Mira, jo et dic jo que no està mort,

Look, I'm telling you that he is not dead,

perquè si no hagués vist 15 històries de l'Instagram,

because if I hadn't seen 15 Instagram stories,

perquè la penya és una puta friki.

because the gang is a total freak.

Escolta, escolta, està viu, però una mica viu...

Listen, listen, he's alive, but a little alive...

Mort en vida, també t'ho diré.

Dead in life, I will also tell you.

Però per què?

But why?

Perquè té demència.

Because he/she has dementia.

Fa uns anys que té demència, la seva família l'ha tret al circuit,

He has had dementia for a few years now, and his family has taken him out of the circuit.

i ara es queixava amb el Jordi que hi ha penya

And now he was complaining to Jordi that there are people.

que es dedica a perseguir-los per fer fotos de Bruce Willis demenciat.

who is dedicated to chasing them to take photos of a deranged Bruce Willis.

Sí, bueno, els paparazzis...

Yes, well, the paparazzi...

Demenciat?

Forgetful?

Fans, també.

Fans, too.

Però tu no pots veure una foto si un tio té demència?

But you can't see a photo if a guy has dementia?

No, però...

No, but...

No, has tornat a les pàgines.

No, you have returned to the pages.

És clar, mira, tiene demencia.

Of course, look, he has dementia.

Però més enllà que li facin fotos...

But beyond them taking pictures of him...

Més enllà que es vegi un no,

Beyond that a no is seen,

el tema també és que, clar, els paparazzis són molt pesats.

The issue is that, of course, the paparazzi are very annoying.

Et criden perquè miris cap allà,

They call you to look over there,

et fan preguntes inoportunes,

they ask you awkward questions,

els fans també es veuen que quan se'l troben

fans also see that when they find him

li comencen a quedar llip i callé,

they start to run out of lipstick and I fell silent,

i aquestes frases que hi duen a les pel·lícules...

And these phrases that they have in the movies...

I clar, i el tio s'espanta molt,

And of course, the guy gets really frightened,

i la família ha demanat una mica de respecte,

and the family has asked for a little respect,

que li ha dictat aquest problema,

who has dictated this problem to him,

i que, sisplau, el deixin una mica tranquil.

And please, let him be a little bit at peace.

Li faran un Lady Di?

Will they make her a Lady Di?

A què et refereixes?

What do you mean?

Ja, tio!

Yeah, dude!

Ara estava pensant...

Now I was thinking...

On esteu, on esteu?

Where are you, where are you?

Li faran un Lady Di a la Lady Di?

Will they do a Lady Di to Lady Di?

A la Lady Di?

To Lady Di?

A la Lady Di la van matar, no?

They killed Lady Di, didn't they?

Clar, la...

Of course, the...

Però va ser la seva sogra.

But it was her mother-in-law.

A veure...

Let's see...

Va tindre un accident de trànsit,

He had a traffic accident.

ara, després hi ha teories de la conspiració.

Now, there are conspiracy theories.

Presumptament...

Presumably...

Tu, les històries, com la del Juanqui i tal...

You, the stories, like that of Juanqui and so on...

Perdó, però...

Sorry, but...

Deixem-ho estar.

Let's leave it be.

Pugem una mica el nivell, sisplau.

Let's raise the level a bit, please.

A veure, persones del món.

Let's see, people of the world.

Mira, hi ha molta gent que està d'acord

Look, there are many people who agree.

amb la meva versió, eh, xatos.

with my version, eh, guys.

De què? De que la van matar.

What? That they killed her.

De que la van matar.

That they killed her.

És la sogra, no?

It's the mother-in-law, right?

Presumptament.

Presumably.

O sigui, la reina.

So, the queen.

Sí, clar.

Yes, of course.

Però això és una teoria conspirativa.

But this is a conspiracy theory.

Bueno, però...

Well, but...

Hi ha moltes teories conspiratives que són certes.

There are many conspiracy theories that are true.

Entra dins de la classificació de teoria conspirativa.

It falls within the classification of conspiracy theory.

I jo, amb les teories conspiratives,

And I, with conspiracy theories,

si pots, et puc parlar mitja hora de teories conspiratives.

If you can, I can talk to you for half an hour about conspiracy theories.

No, no, però mira, tornem al Bruce Willis.

No, no, but look, let's go back to Bruce Willis.

No, però un moment, un moment.

No, but wait, just a moment.

A veure, a veure.

Let's see, let's see.

Què et passa?

What's wrong with you?

No hi ha focus, tio.

There’s no focus, dude.

Aquesta senyora, aquesta senyora...

This lady, this lady...

El que sabem segur és que anava en un cotxe.

What we know for sure is that he was in a car.

Que la perseguia amb paparazzis i va tenir un accident.

He was chasing her with paparazzi and had an accident.

Això és el que sabem segur.

This is what we know for sure.

A tu.

To you.

Llavors tu dius que li faran això, vol dir que...

So you say they will do this to him, it means that...

Si tindrà una...

If it will have a...

Bueno, a veure, a veure.

Well, let's see, let's see.

Una mica dolent, eh, això.

A bit bad, huh, this?

Bueno, està lentito.

Well, it’s a bit slow.

Què sentiu de l'humor?

What do you feel about humor?

No, i a sobre es queixava perquè deia...

No, and on top of that, he was complaining because he said...

No l'han pillat.

They haven't caught him.

No, perdona.

No, sorry.

No has estat fi aquí, eh?

You haven't been faithful here, have you?

Vale, doncs ja em callo.

Okay, then I'll be quiet.

Passem al següent tema.

Let's move on to the next topic.

Sí, però un segon.

Yes, but one second.

Ja em callo, ja, ja.

Now I'll be quiet, ha ha.

Com que passem al següent tema, però un segon.

As we move on to the next topic, just a second.

Podem comentar...

We can discuss...

Que són uns fills de puta els paparazzis, tio.

They are sons of bitches, the paparazzi, man.

Això ja s'hi salia.

This was already getting out of hand.

Com que no tenen tacos?

Why don't they have tacos?

Sí, que sí, sí.

Yes, indeed, yes.

Home, a veure, és que no hi ha cap altre adjectiu que Miguel Cap, saps?

Man, let's see, there isn't any other adjective than Miguel Cap, you know?

Vull dir, si tu saps que un home té demència...

I mean, if you know that a man has dementia...

Una pregunta, Núria, una pregunta.

One question, Núria, one question.

El que acabes de dir no és un masclista?

What you just said isn't sexist?

Fills de puta.

Son of a bitch.

Hòstia.

Holy shit.

I ara què fem?

And now what do we do?

Perquè el 8M és...

Because March 8th is...

No podem tallar això, eh?

We can't cut this, can we?

No, no, ara què fem?

No, no, what do we do now?

Tu com a feminista, què faràs?

As a feminist, what will you do?

Però en total és demà el 8M.

But overall, tomorrow is the 8th of March.

Ah, bueno, avui podem dir-ho.

Ah, well, today we can say it.

No més cal fer...

We just need to do...

El postureo no més cal fer-lo.

You only need to pose.

No passa res.

It's nothing.

El postureo.

The posing.

A veure, però un moment.

Let's see, but hold on a moment.

Estàs parlant d'això, eh?

You are talking about that, eh?

No, no, no, m'ha agradat que intervinguis i diguis això,

No, no, no, I liked that you intervened and said that,

perquè encara que jo em consideri feminista,

because even though I consider myself a feminist,

hi ha moltes coses que tenim interioritzades

there are many things that we have internalized

i que hem de canviar, i jo també la cago, eh?

And we have to change, and I mess up too, okay?

Vull dir, sí, l'he cagat, no s'ha de dir fills de puta,

I mean, yes, I messed up, you shouldn't say sons of bitches.

ho sento i ho miro i ho milloraré, saps?

I'm sorry and I'm looking at it and I will improve it, you know?

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

O sigui, no passar...

So, it won't happen...

Com li diries, ara?

How would you tell him/her now?

L'importància és millorar, d'acord?

The important thing is to improve, okay?

Com ens denominaries els paparazzis?

How would you refer to us, the paparazzi?

Canvia l'índia.

Change the India.

Uns cabrons.

Some bastards.

Uns cabrons, perquè si tu saps que té demència...

Some bastards, because if you know he has dementia...

Mira que cabrona, i torna, i torna.

Look at that bitch, and she comes back, and comes back.

Un moment, un moment, un moment.

One moment, one moment, one moment.

Un malparit.

A bastard.

No, malparits no, perquè...

No, bastards no, because...

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Qui l'ha parit, aquest nen?

Who gave birth to this boy?

Clar, clar, clar.

Of course, of course, of course.

És que...

It's just that...

No, no, i què vol dir cabron?

No, no, and what does cabron mean?

Què vol dir cabron?

What does "cabrón" mean?

Que t'han fotut de les banyes.

They’ve knocked you off your horns.

I estàs posant la responsabilitat de l'insult en la dona,

And you are placing the responsibility of the insult on the woman,

que li ha fotut de les banyes.

that has messed with his horns.

Maleducat, maleducat.

Rude, ill-mannered.

Agafat amb pinces.

Taken with a pinch of salt.

Maleducat, no, perquè llavors...

Cursed, no, because then...

En aquesta generació els han educat...

In this generation, they have educated them...

Maleducat, no.

Cursed, no.

Perquè t'ha educat la teva mare, tio.

Because your mother raised you, man.

No som maleducats.

We are not rude.

Tontos.

Fools.

Home, no, l'educació també és dels pares, eh?

Well, no, education is also the responsibility of the parents, right?

Però tonto és com dir-li que et falta un error, és com...

But calling him stupid is like saying you're missing a mistake, it's like...

Sí, és...

Yes, it is...

No és tonto, té tontura.

He's not silly, he has silliness.

No és tonto.

He's not stupid.

Capullos.

Buds.

Capullos, perquè no han sortit encara de l'olerdos que són mentalment, saps?

Idiots, because they haven't yet come out of the mental fog they're in, you know?

Són uns capullos.

They are a bunch of jerks.

No, a veure, aquest podria...

No, let's see, this could...

Aquest...

This...

D'acord, tornem al tema, no?

Alright, let's get back to the topic, shall we?

Són uns capullos perquè si tu saps que té demència el Bruce Willis,

They are idiots because if you know that Bruce Willis has dementia,

perquè jo, per exemple, no ho sé.

because I, for example, do not know it.

Llavors, clar, pues me la trobo...

Then, of course, I run into her...

Me la trobo pel carrer i dic, ei, tio, un autògraf.

I run into him on the street and say, hey, man, an autograph.

Li quedaria, eh, Turboman, Turboman!

He would have it, huh, Turboman, Turboman!

I Bruce Willis amb demència et diria, que jo no sé què és el Turboman,

I Bruce Willis with dementia would tell you that I don't know what Turboman is.

que és el Schwarzenegger.

What is Schwarzenegger?

És que m'estic imaginant la Núria i el Bruce Willis ahí, tipus vegetal.

I'm just imagining Núria and Bruce Willis there, like vegetables.

Ella pensa així, pensa així.

She thinks like that, thinks like that.

I la família, la policia...

And the family, the police...

No, espera, un segon.

No, wait, a second.

Però què passa, ja complota avui contra mi o què?

But what happens, are you scheming against me today or what?

O sigui, em podeu escoltar?

So, can you hear me?

Partint de la base que jo no faig això en ma puta vida, d'acord?

Starting from the premise that I would never do this in my entire life, okay?

Però...

But...

Estic parlant en l'hipotètic cas que si em trobo aquest home pel carrer,

I am speaking in the hypothetical case that if I encounter this man on the street,

vale, pot ser perquè jo no ho sé que té demència aquest tio,

Okay, maybe because I don't know that this guy has dementia.

però els paparazzis ho saben i van amb mala llet.

but the paparazzi know it and they are in a bad mood.

Això és anar amb mala hòstia.

This is going with bad mood.

Llavors jo estic totalment d'acord amb la família.

Then I completely agree with the family.

És el vostre treball.

It is your work.

No em serveix aquesta escola de merda.

This shitty school is no use to me.

No em serveix, és un treball de merda que no hauria d'existir.

It doesn't work for me, it's a piece of shit job that shouldn't exist.

I si ara ja no és una persona pública, s'hauria d'estar tranquil, no?

And if he is no longer a public figure, he should be at peace, right?

Encara que durant molt temps hagi sigut una estrella.

Even though she has been a star for a long time.

Però bueno, tu què els demanes als paparazzis?

But well, what do you ask the paparazzi?

És que sí, sí, sí.

It's just that yes, yes, yes.

És que no hauríem de parlar...

It's just that we shouldn't talk...

Mira, parlant de persones públiques,

Look, speaking of public figures,

aquesta setmana hi ha una noia que no sé si volia ser pública o no,

this week there is a girl who I don't know if she wanted to be public or not,

però que s'ha fet persona pública.

but has become a public figure.

I li demanarem al Ramon.

And we will ask Ramon.

Ramon, que crec que està jugant a la Play.

Ramon, who I think is playing on the Play.

Estava jugant a FIFA abans.

I was playing FIFA earlier.

Però que està bé, que juguis.

But it's okay for you to play.

L'edat, tio, l'edat.

Age, man, age.

Jo també soc molt de FIFA, Ramon.

I am also very into FIFA, Ramon.

Finga's aquí a la companya.

Here is the companion.

Una gaditana, eh?

A girl from Cádiz, huh?

Sí, gaditana, eh?

Yes, gaditana, huh?

Sí, sí, és gaditana.

Yes, yes, she is from Cádiz.

Bueno, jo he llegit que és gaditana.

Well, I have read that she is from Cádiz.

Bueno, doncs escoltem a la gaditana.

Well, let's listen to the gaditana.

Escoltem a la gaditana i després parlem de...

Let's listen to the woman from Cádiz and then talk about...

De lo que ha passat, que per mi és molt greu.

Of what has happened, which for me is very serious.

Enfermera de l'Hospital Vall d'Hebron.

Nurse at Vall d'Hebron Hospital.

Ara parlem, ara parlem.

Now we talk, now we talk.

Contexta, és enfermera de l'Hospital Vall d'Hebron, gaditana.

Contexta, she is a nurse at Vall d'Hebron Hospital, from Cádiz.

Que en horari de feina fa això que farem.

That during work hours does what we will do.

En horari de feina, ojo, eh?

During work hours, watch out, huh?

Bueno, somos enfermeras y estamos trabajando en Barcelona.

Well, we are nurses and we are working in Barcelona.

Yo soy de Cádiz, ella es de Granada y ella es de San Sebastián.

I am from Cádiz, she is from Granada, and she is from San Sebastián.

Y nada, y resulta que vienen aquí a contarnos sobre...

And nothing, and it turns out that they come here to tell us about...

¿Cómo se llama esta mierda?

What is this shit called?

Esto es un sindicato.

This is a union.

¿Pero no para sacarnos qué? ¿Cómo se llama la plaza?

"But what are we getting out of it? What is the square called?"

La oposición.

The opposition.

La oposición. Ay, que eso me pone bloqueado.

The opposition. Ah, that makes me feel blocked.

La oposición es aquí en Catalunya y nosotras, ah, bueno, venga, vale, cuéntame, ¿ok?

The opposition is here in Catalonia and we, ah, well, come on, alright, tell me, okay?

Nos dicen, sacan tres mil quinientas plazas de enfermera o no sé qué.

They tell us, they're opening three thousand five hundred nursing positions or something like that.

Este es vuestro año, vais a sacarle el seguro y tal.

This is your year, you're going to take off the insurance and such.

Hasta que nos quiten.

Until they take us away.

Y nos dice lo siguiente, ajá.

And he tells us the following, uh-huh.

Tenemos que tener para sacarnos las putos oposiciones, ¿qué?

We need to prepare for the damn exams, right?

El puto C1 de catalán.

The fucking C1 of Catalan.

¿C1?

C1?

¿Quieres apuntar?

Do you want to take notes?

El C1 de catalán. ¿Estás apuntada?

The C1 in Catalan. Are you enrolled?

Yo voy a hacer las oposiciones.

I am going to take the competitive exams.

Clara, por favor, me estás desmontando el vídeo, tía.

Clara, please, you're taking apart the video, girl.

Escolta, noia, que yo puedo hablar catalán.

Listen, girl, I can speak Catalan.

Bueno, pues resulta que se va a sacar el C1 de catalán mi madre.

Well, it turns out that my mother is going to get the C1 in Catalan.

Porque yo no me voy a sacar el C1 de catalán.

Because I am not going to get the C1 in Catalan.

Yo estoy haciendo un vídeo, una noia.

I am making a video, a girl.

O sea, que yo me tengo que preparar.

That is to say, I have to prepare myself.

Pues saca el C1 de catalán, por favor.

Well, please take out the C1 of Catalan.

Gracias.

Thank you.

El exam del C1 de catalán.

The C1 Catalan exam.

¿Tenemos que tener para las opus?

Do we have to have the opus?

El C1 de catalán.

The C1 of Catalan.

¿El C1 de catalán sí?

The C1 of Catalan, yes?

Sí, ¿eh?

Yes, huh?

Well, tú me entiendes, ¿no?

Well, you understand me, right?

Sí, mañana empiezo.

Yes, I start tomorrow.

Vídeo en la enfermera gaditana, ¿no?

Video in the Gaditan nurse, right?

Hi ha una enfermera gaditana, una de Sant Sebastià,

There is a nurse from Cádiz, one from San Sebastián,

y la otra, me he perdido, no sé si Toledo o Parall,

and the other one, I've gotten lost, I don't know if Toledo or Parall,

no sé, Parall.

I don't know, Parall.

Doncs critica, ¿no?, que...

So criticize, right, that...

Primer, no sap...

First, you don't know...

No sap com referir-se...

He doesn't know how to refer to...

No sap com referir-se a unes oposicions...

He doesn't know how to refer to some oppositions...

Això diu molt del nivell del personatge.

This says a lot about the level of the character.

i després

and then

bàsicament critica

basically critic

que hi hagi aquesta exigència

that there is this demand

del nivell seu per ser funcionari

of his level to be a civil servant

aquí a Catalunya.

here in Catalonia.

Què en penseu del tema?

What do you think about the topic?

A veure què en pensem, vull dir, s'ha de pensar?

Let's see what we think, I mean, do we have to think?

O sigui, hem de valorar això, realment?

So, do we really have to evaluate this?

Tu què n'opines del personatge?

What do you think of the character?

Del personatge i del càdit?

About the character and the cad?

Per començar, em sembla

To begin with, it seems to me

un personatge, ja ho has dit.

a character, you've already said it.

Primer, fer això en horari laboral

First, do this during working hours.

demostra que tens molt poca

it shows that you have very little.

professionalitat.

professionalism.

A veure,

Let's see,

no som nens, vull dir, tia, estàs currant

We're not kids, I mean, dude, you're working hard.

a la Vall d'Hebron, fes els teus vídeos

in the Vall d'Hebron, make your videos

a caseta, en horari laboral, prou.

A small house, during working hours, enough.

Això per començar.

This to start with.

Vídeo de TikTok, per cert.

TikTok video, by the way.

Vídeo de TikTok, eh? Es volia fer viral.

TikTok video, huh? It wanted to go viral.

Bueno, ho ha aconseguit, no?

Well, he/she has achieved it, right?

Es veu que ja ho ha aconseguit alguna vegada, que tenia algun vídeo viral.

It seems that he has achieved it some time, that he had some viral video.

Bueno.

Good.

També, vídeo uniformada, o sigui, amb un uniforme

Also, uniformed video, that is, with a uniform.

que representa la institució per la qual estàs treballant.

what the institution you are working for represents.

Vaya cagada.

What a mess.

Sí, sí. Ja no veurem l'expedient, eh?

Yes, yes. We won't see the file again, will we?

Home, però és que l'han de fotre fora, aquesta tia.

Man, they have to kick this woman out.

Bueno.

Good.

Això s'haurà de veure.

This will have to be seen.

S'haurà de veure? No penseu que...

Will it have to be seen? Don't you think that...

Està fàcil, a veure, a veure. No és tan fàcil.

It's easy, let's see, let's see. It's not that easy.

Jo foto això a la meva empresa i em foten fora, eh?

If I do this at my company, they'll sack me, right?

És probable. Però estem parlant de l'administració pública,

It's probable. But we are talking about public administration,

diguéssim que és més difícil.

let's say it's harder.

Bé, d'acord, però sense entrar en aquest tema.

Well, okay, but without going into this topic.

Segon, estàs parlant de les oposicions.

Second, you are talking about the competitions.

Bé, pots tenir

Well, you can have.

la teva opinió. Escolta'm,

your opinion. Listen to me,

som un país viure, no?

we are a country to live, aren't we?

Però, tia, no saps ni del que estàs parlant.

But, girl, you don't even know what you're talking about.

Què, què, què era això,

What, what, what was that,

les oposicions? Sí, nena, les oposicions.

The opposition exams? Yes, girl, the opposition exams.

No saps, joder, que no saps del que parles.

You don't know, damn it, that you don't know what you're talking about.

No facis un vídeo si no saps del que estàs parlant, no?

Don't make a video if you don't know what you're talking about, right?

Vull dir, què, Eloi, què trobes?

I mean, what, Eloi, what do you think?

És que... No ho sé, eh? Jo la defensaré, la defensaré.

It's just that... I don't know, you know? I will defend her, I will defend her.

Però com la defenses, aquesta noia?

But how do you defend her, this girl?

No la defensaré, ella, però... Vull dir, és que ja no entro

I won't defend her, but... I mean, I just don't get involved anymore.

ni en el tema del català, eh? Vull dir, és que no he entrat

not even on the topic of Catalan, right? I mean, I haven't gotten into it.

ni en el tema de la llengua, tio, eh? És que me la bufa.

Not even on the language topic, dude, huh? I couldn't care less.

Vaig a defensar-la. Bueno,

I'm going to defend her. Well,

doncs si defenses a una maleducada...

then if you defend a rude person...

Deixa'm parlar. Enhorabona.

Let me speak. Congratulations.

Sí, parla, parla. Eloi, il·lumina'ns

Yes, speak, speak. Eloi, enlighten us.

com defense. Jo no vaig a defensar realment

Like defense. I'm not really going to defend.

el que ha dit, perquè em sembla una tonteria, però sí que

what he said, because it seems silly to me, but yes

criticaré. Faré una defensa

I will criticize. I will make a defense.

criticant a persones que s'han de

criticizing people who have to

criticar avui a ti. Una defensa

to criticize you today. A defense

atacada. No acabo d'entendre aquest concepte.

attacked. I don't quite understand this concept.

Una bona defensa és un bon atac.

A good defense is a good attack.

Jo avui faré un atac.

Today I will make an attack.

Aquí es mereix aquest atac. He vist a

Here he deserves this attack. I've seen at

Instagram i a Twitter que

Instagram and Twitter that

UGT, un sindicat,

UGT, a union,

ha criticat aquesta noia.

he has criticized this girl.

He vist que TV3 ha fet d'això

I have seen that TV3 has done this.

una notícia. He vist que

a news item. I have seen that

mitjans de comunicació han parlat d'això com si fos

media have talked about this as if it were

una notícia i l'han tret en portada.

a news item and they have put it on the front page.

I això em sembla fastigós.

And I find this disgusting.

Em sembla fastigós

I find it disgusting.

que mitjans de comunicació

what media

en comptes de parlar de problemes reals

instead of talking about real problems

de la ciutadania agafin

from the citizenship they take

a una pobra noia, que podem estar d'acord

to a poor girl, that we can agree on

o no amb el que ha dit, però que al final és una noia

or not with what she said, but in the end she is a girl

que està en un lloc de feina, que fa

that is in a workplace, what does it do

un vídeo, que fa una cagada i que

a video that makes a mess and that

s'exposa davant milions i milions i milions

is exposed in front of millions and millions and millions

de comentaris. Perquè ella ha volgut,

of comments. Because she wanted,

ningú l'ha obligat. Però que s'exposa davant de milions

No one has forced him. But he exposes himself in front of millions.

i milions de comentaris, que crec que ella ha agafat la baixa

and millions of comments, that I think she has taken sick leave.

com és suposat, perquè no crec

as it is supposed, because I don't believe

que estigui preparada.

that she is ready.

Li ha caigut molt hate.

He has received a lot of hate.

Que és parada, però quina edat té aquesta nena?

What is a stop, but how old is this girl?

Que no és una adolescència.

It's not an adolescence.

Ella s'exposa i jo crec que d'alguna forma

She exposes herself and I believe that in some way.

tu t'exposes a...

you expose yourself to...

Hem de ser conseqüents amb els nostres actes, no fotis.

We must be consistent with our actions, come on.

Jo crec que quan tu produeixes

I think that when you produce

contingut a les xarxes, això pot passar i n'has de ser conscient.

content on social media, this can happen and you need to be aware of it.

Això pot passar, no, i ja sabem

This can happen, right, and we already know.

què passa, joder, una red social com és

What’s going on, damn it, a social network like this?

el tipó. Però és diferent

The guy. But it's different.

que la penya et foti merda a que

Let the gang give you shit, huh?

mitjans de comunicació i a més públics

media and also audiences

parlin de tu per fotre't merda.

They talk about you to screw you over.

No, no, però un moment, és que jo aquí no defenso

No, no, but wait a moment, it's just that I don't defend here.

els mitjans de comunicació. Són uns ruïns

the media. They are ruinous.

de comunicació. Jo el que estic dient és que hi ha

of communication. What I am saying is that there is

molta penya, que són mitjans públics

a lot of people, because they are public media

i UGT, en aquest cas.

and UGT, in this case.

I mitjans privats també entraríem en el mateix.

We would also be involved in the same with private media.

També, també, totalment. Que han parlat

Also, also, totally. They have talked.

d'això, han fet notícia d'això i han fet

They have made news of this and have made

la bola encara molt més gran del que és. Però és que nosaltres

the ball is still much bigger than it is. But it's just that we

estem fent el mateix, tio.

We're doing the same thing, man.

Vull dir, és que llavors critiquen-nos a nosaltres.

I mean, it's just that then they criticize us.

No som un mitjà, som un podcast. Nosaltres som un mitjà

We are not a medium, we are a podcast. We are a medium.

de comunicació perquè ens escolta tot a Catalunya.

of communication because he listens to us all over Catalonia.

Jo sé que li compro

I know that I buy it for him/her.

una part de l'argument, que és aquesta part de dir

a part of the argument, which is this part of saying

que es faci notícia d'una anècdota

to make a story out of an anecdote

personal, i al final

personal, and in the end

és impossible destriar on hi ha l'atac personal

It's impossible to discern where the personal attack is.

d'on hi ha la informació, perquè

where there is information, why

hòstia, en aquesta persona li ha caigut molt hate

Wow, this person has received a lot of hate.

i al final estem parlant de persones.

And in the end, we are talking about people.

S'ha equivocat clarament, el que ha dit és una tonteria

He has clearly made a mistake, what he said is nonsense.

com una catedral, no hi ha per on agafar-ho. Des del meu punt

Like a cathedral, there's no way to grasp it. From my point.

de vista estic totalment en contra de la gent que pensa

From a viewpoint, I am totally against people who think.

així, però... No cal ni comentar-ho.

So, but... there's no need to even comment on it.

Però sí que és veritat que

But it is true that

quan

when

es fan aquests atacs contra una persona

These attacks are made against a person.

que s'ha exposat d'aquesta manera,

that has been exposed in this way,

la línia entre la informació i l'assetjament

the line between information and harassment

pot ser molt fina. I a aquesta persona

can be very fine. And to this person

de cop li ha caigut una de hate increïble.

Suddenly, he has received an incredible amount of hate.

I això sí que

And this does indeed

t'ho compro, Eloi. No m'ho havia plantejat

I'll buy it from you, Eloi. I hadn't considered it.

des d'aquest punt de vista, però

from this point of view, however

vist així... És que al final jo crec que

seen like this... I think that in the end I believe that

si aquesta noia hagués fet el mateix comentari

if this girl had made the same comment

en comptes de la TikTok, l'hagués fet

instead of TikTok, I would have done it

a la barra del bar, no parlaria

At the bar, I wouldn't speak.

d'això. O si l'hagués fet a TikTok...

of this. Or if I had done it on TikTok...

Però per això, tic, no t'exposis.

But for that, tic, don't expose yourself.

No t'exposis. Si treus merda per la boca,

Don't expose yourself. If you spout shit from your mouth,

tio, has de tenir

dude, you have to have

dos tits afronts, tio, Eloi. Però també és cert, Núria,

two tits face, dude, Eloi. But it's also true, Núria,

és notícia que una

it is news that a

infermera d'un hospital comenti

hospital nurse comments

això? O sigui, a part, una persona que

this? I mean, apart from that, a person who

no té un nivell intel·lectual molt alt,

does not have a very high intellectual level,

com diguem. Evident que estic d'acord amb vosaltres.

As we say. Obviously, I agree with you.

No és notícia. Clar que no és notícia, evident.

It's not news. Of course it's not news, obviously.

Se'n fa una notícia, per què? Perquè creen molt de

A news is made about it, why? Because they create a lot of

Ramon Bori, els fixants de comunicació estan...

Ramon Bori, the communication fixatives are...

tenen moltes ganes de poder

they are very eager to be able

agafar contingut de les xarxes,

take content from the networks,

transformar-ho en notícies, per al final

transform it into news, for the end

intentar atreure

try to attract

el públic jove. Però jo

the young audience. But I

no crec que sigui excusa per defensar

I don't think it's an excuse to defend.

aquesta noia, ho sé. Jo no voldria

this girl, I know. I wouldn't want to

una amiga així a la meva vida. També s'ha de dir,

a friend like this in my life. It must also be said,

l'Eloi tampoc ha defensat aquesta noia.

Eloi hasn't defended this girl either.

Jo el que he dit és...

What I said is...

Que he fet un...

What have I done a...

Jo el que he dit...

What I have said...

O sigui, parlava de defensar-la perquè el que volia

I mean, she was talking about defending her because that's what she wanted.

era atacar aquesta gentursa que fa notícies

It was to attack these newsworthy people.

d'aquestes coses. A mi em

of these things. I am

fa molta ràbia perquè

it makes me very angry because

vivim en una societat amb una barbaritat

we live in a society with a barbarity

de problemes, la sanitat està feta una merda

The healthcare system is a mess.

i parlem d'això. Però no parlem

And let's talk about this. But we don't talk.

que tenim la meitat dels metges

that we have half of the doctors

que surten cada any de la universitat que marxen

that graduate from university every year who leave

a Alemanya. D'això no es parla.

to Germany. This is not talked about.

O no es parla que la Generalitat

Or it is not said that the Generalitat

retalla

cutback

en infermeres, en metges,

in nurses, in doctors,

o es parla que l'Estat no posa recursos.

or it is said that the State does not provide resources.

Es parla que una tia diu

It is said that an aunt says.

que paga i ha d'estudiar català

who pays and has to study Catalan

per tal. Si aquesta

for that. If this

tia pensa això i no estudia català

Aunt thinks this and doesn't study Catalan.

al final mai serà funcionària

in the end, she will never be a civil servant

a Catalunya i ja està.

in Catalonia and that's it.

I marxarà caït o on vulgui

And he will leave where he wants.

es quedarà aquí però sense ser funcionària.

She will stay here but without being a civil servant.

No li farà cap mal perquè potser diu aquestes

It won't hurt him at all because maybe he says these things.

gilipolleses però potser després com a infermera és una crac.

nonsense but maybe later as a nurse she's a star.

No ho sé perquè no la conec.

I don't know because I don't know her.

Però parlant d'això, què estem fent?

But speaking of that, what are we doing?

Estem traient a Espanya temes importants per parlar de gilipolleses.

We are bringing up important issues in Spain to talk about nonsense.

I llavors comença les baralles,

And then the fights begin,

per xarxes de

for networks of

jo crec que el català està mal i jo crec que el català

I believe that Catalan is bad, and I believe that Catalan.

està bé. I és un discurs d'odi

It's fine. And it's a speech of hate.

i realment aquí és

and really here it is

quan la gent globalitza i ja

when people globalize and that's it

comencem amb el

let's start with the

hate a los catalanes, el hate a

hate the Catalans, the hate to

los no catalanes i estem

the non-Catalans and we are

en el discurs de sempre.

in the usual speech.

Jo en això estic d'acord, totalment d'acord.

I completely agree with that.

Això és el que jo

This is what I

volia dir. Però clar, les notícies de la sanitat

I wanted to say. But of course, the news about healthcare.

no va bé, això no interessa,

that's not good, this is not of interest,

això no ho ven, això no és clickbait.

this isn’t for sale, this is not clickbait.

Tu mires els portals digitals

You look at the digital portals.

i aquesta notícia

and this news

ha sigut la més seguida

it has been the most followed

amb molta diferència, moltíssim més

by far, much more

que una notícia que l'he enviat, per exemple, la notícia

that a news article I have sent, for example, the news

de la TEC informàtica passat ara al clínic

from IT TEC now at the clinic

segurament no ha tingut tant seguiment. I és una cosa

it probably hasn't had much following. And it's something

mil vegades més important. 100%.

a thousand times more important. 100%.

Però perquè som uns morbosos, la gent

But because we are morbid, people.

busca morbo, tio, i ja està.

You're looking for excitement, dude, and that's it.

Però és que això sempre passa.

But this always happens.

També s'ha dit una cosa, o sigui, com a

It has also been said one thing, that is, as a

vídeo, és que és molt

video, it's just that it's very

bo. Perquè la noia

Good. Because the girl.

està fent una mica, bueno,

it's doing a little, well,

està exposant els seus arguments,

is presenting his arguments,

i de cop apareix la basca

and suddenly the nausea appears

i li diu, doncs jo sí que presento

And he says to him, well, I do present.

les opos i estic, hòstia, en català, i comença a parlar en català

the exams and I'm, damn, in Catalan, and starts speaking in Catalan

i la tia, que deixes de parlar català,

and the aunt, stop speaking Catalan,

que sé que és el puto català. Demostra que no

I know it's the fucking Catalan. Prove that it's not.

estava gens preparat. Sí, sí, sí.

I was not at all prepared. Yes, yes, yes.

Ella jo crec que es posa allà, mira, a veure, ara m'agafo

I think she puts herself there, look, let's see, now I grab myself.

aquí a dos espanyolets com jo i em poso

here to two little Spaniards like me and I get ready

aquí a parlar davant de la càmera, ja veuràs,

here to speak in front of the camera, you will see,

a que em reguin les gràcies. I són una mica el tiro per la culata.

I want them to thank me. And it's kind of backfiring.

Jo crec que això és una part

I think this is part of it.

important de per què el vídeo ha tingut tant èxit.

important reason why the video has been so successful.

Sí, no? Si el vídeo com ha produït... Evident, naturalitat.

Yes, right? If the video how it was produced... Obvious, naturalness.

Té com un gir argumental, no?

It has a kind of plot twist, doesn't it?

És molt natural. Un cliffhanger. Ja està, i a la penya

It's very natural. A cliffhanger. That's it, and to the crew.

li encanta, saps? La naturalitat.

He loves it, you know? The naturalness.

Però a veure...

But let's see...

Va, vinga, la convidem.

Come on, let's invite her.

Jo crec que no vindrà.

I don't think he/she will come.

A la basca, a la galletana i a la tolevana.

In the Basque Country, in Galician, and in Toledo.

A totes. I a més és que

To everyone. And moreover, it's that

el català és fàcil, tio. La portem aquí?

Catalan is easy, dude. Should we take it here?

Un par de classes? Jo el que faria és convidar-la

A couple of classes? What I would do is invite her.

però la convidem fent primer un regle

but we invite her by first making a rule

amb el que ha dit la Núria al principi.

with what Núria said at the beginning.

No, no, però...

No, no, but...

Però, mare meva, si jo crec que li he dit

But, my goodness, I think I told her.

les coses més maques que ha sentit aquesta noia

the prettiest things that this girl has heard

en una setmana.

in a week.

Ja t'ho dic, ara. Tu saps com l'hauran fotut, aquesta nena?

I'm telling you now. Do you know what they've done to this girl?

L'haurà desconnectat, imagino, perquè no...

I imagine he/she must have disconnected it, because not...

Estarà feta caldo, ho sabem tots.

It will be made into broth, we all know that.

Però, bueno, també és momentani, això.

But, well, that's also temporary.

D'aquí un mes no se'n recorda ningú, eh?

In a month's time, no one will remember, right?

Ja t'ho dic, ara. Vull dir, dues setmanetes

I'll tell you now. I mean, about two weeks.

tancada a casa...

locked at home...

Tu imagina't que demà surt una notícia

Just imagine that a news story comes out tomorrow.

que aquesta tia s'ha suïcidat.

that this girl has committed suicide.

Llavors, molta gent hauria de

Then, many people would have to

amagar el cap. Llavors què? Com es diu el director

hide the head. So what? What is the director's name?

de la TV3? Ara mateix no ho sé, és que ara

from TV3? Right now I don't know, it's just that now

ha canviat. Eh, senyor director de la TV3?

It has changed. Hey, Mr. Director of TV3?

Crec que és la directora. Mira què et dic.

I think it's the director. Look at what I'm telling you.

Doncs mira, senyora directora, llavors què?

Well, look, madam director, what then?

Si aquesta no hi apareix demà a suïcidar, llavors què?

If this one doesn't show up tomorrow to commit suicide, then what?

Què farà vostè? Demanarà perdó?

What will you do? Will you apologize?

Limitirà? Eh?

Will it limit? Huh?

Clar, és que això no ho pensem, eh?

Sure, it’s just that we don’t think about this, right?

Bueno, bueno. Clar, ja suposo que et diria

Well, well. Of course, I guess I would tell you.

que ella no ha criticat res, en tot cas

that she hasn't criticized anything, in any case.

s'ha tractat com a... s'ha tractat

it has been addressed as... it has been treated

la informació. Les xarxes socials,

the information. Social networks,

tios, són una puta merda.

dudes, they are a damn mess.

Ja està. Sí, però la part bona és aquesta.

That's it. Yes, but the good part is this.

O sigui, et poden fonejar,

So, they can phone you,

et poden destrossar la vida, però en una setmana

they can destroy your life, but in a week

ningú se'n recorda, ja està. O sigui que

nobody remembers, that's it. So that means

si algú es troba en una situació així,

if someone finds themselves in a situation like this,

espera una mica, respira,

wait a bit, breathe,

amaga't una mica durant un temps

hide for a while

i ja està.

And that's it.

Ningú se'n recorda del caranxoa, ni de

No one remembers the caranxoa, nor of

tot això. Bueno, escolta, també

All of this. Well, listen, also

dic una cosa. Potser a aquesta noia li ofereixen

I'm saying one thing. Maybe they're offering this girl.

un... Li han ofert

one... They have offered him/her

un partit, bueno,

a match, well,

un alcalde del PP o de Vox, no sé què,

a mayor from the PP or Vox, I don't know what,

li han ofert anales llestes, que també dic molt.

They have offered him ready anal statistics, which I also say a lot.

Diu molt del teu partit, que

It says a lot about your party that

veguis una garrula fent un vídeo

you see a garrula making a video

a internet dient tonteries i que tu ja

on the internet saying nonsense and you already

li ofereixes en plan, mira...

you offer it in a way, look...

No s'amaguen.

They do not hide.

Acaba, acaba, jo què sé,

Finish, finish, what do I know,

de parlamentària, t'imagines?

of parliamentary, can you imagine?

Quina tristesa, no?

What a sadness, right?

Bueno, però sabeu que, per exemple, Ciutadanos

Well, but you know that, for example, Citizens

va haver una època que

there was a time when

va fitxar el Llollas, per exemple.

he signed Llollas, for example.

Ah, sí, sí? Els partits polítics

Ah, yes, yes? The political parties

estan obsessionats

they are obsessed

per...

for...

Estan obsessionats per

They are obsessed with

treure tensió, llavors, és una manera com de

relieve tension, then, is a way of

que algú ens faci cas, mira,

let someone pay attention to us, look,

hem agafat el Llollas.

We have caught the Llollas.

Pues bueno, mira, si li serveix

Well, look, if it helps him.

per això que està noia i així es fot

That's why this girl is like this and that's how it is.

al món de la política...

in the world of politics...

Perquè com a infermera no sé si t'entra

Because as a nurse, I don't know if it applies to you.

gaire fudor, no?

a lot of stink, isn't it?

No sé, això no ho sabem, però...

I don't know, we don't know this, but...

No, que és brometa, home, va...

No, it’s a joke, man, come on...

Parlant de partits polítics,

Speaking of political parties,

què és això que em deies

What is this you were telling me?

abans, Jordi, d'Azteuid,

before, Jordi, d'Azteuid,

que s'ha fotut...

what has happened...

Bueno, alguns

Well, some

polítics del Congreso espanyol

politicians of the Spanish Congress

de Madrid han denunciat...

from Madrid have reported...

Bueno, han sigut bàsicament el Telecup.

Well, it has basically been the Telecup.

Llavors, però podem pensar que

So, we can think that

això els hi ha passat també,

this has also happened to them,

a altres congreixistes, eh?

to other congressmen, huh?

Han denunciat que els hi ha arribat

They have reported that it has reached them.

uns paquets a casa

some packages at home

i a dins del paquet hi ha una bossa

And inside the package, there is a bag.

plena de sang i un fetus

full of blood and a fetus

de plàstic

made of plastic

enviat per l'associació

sent by the association

ultraconservadora Azteuid.

ultraconservative Azteuid.

Però és un fet, o sigui...

But it's a fact, I mean...

No crec que sigui de plàstic.

I don't think it's plastic.

Un fetus de plàstic.

A plastic fetus.

Però que tenim quatre anys, tio.

But we are four years old, dude.

És això de...

Is this about...

Però què li demanem als medis

But what do we ask of the media?

si els nostres polítics fan aquestes

if our politicians do these

merdes, de debò?

Shit, really?

És que això és campixa.

It's just that this is nonsense.

Això seria una associació

This would be an association.

que és la mateixa associació

that is the same association

que agafava aquests autobusos,

that took these buses,

que deia un niño es un niño, una niña es una niña

what a boy says is a boy, a girl is a girl

i passejava per les estades...

I was walking through the rooms...

És la mateixa associació.

It is the same association.

I sí, sí, és bo que han fet això.

And yes, yes, it's good that they did this.

Ha sortit la de la CUP

The CUP candidate has come out.

al Congreso, amb la bossa,

to Congress, with the bag,

amb el fetus i la sang i tal.

with the fetus and the blood and such.

És que això em recorda a la película de Padrino, tio.

It reminds me of the movie The Godfather, man.

Sí, sí, és molt de Padrino, això.

Yes, yes, this is very Godfather.

Quan li foten el cap de cavall allà...

When they put the horse's head there...

Clar, ella diu que és això, una amenaça, no sé què.

Sure, she says that this is a threat, I don't know what.

Home, sí, és una amenaça.

Man, yes, it is a threat.

És una amenaça patètica.

It's a pathetic threat.

Sí, sí, i a part,

Yes, yes, and besides,

jo sé que també el que fan moltes vegades

I know that what they often do too.

és que aquestes associacions

it's that these associations

es posen a la sortida o a l'entrada

they are placed at the exit or at the entrance

de les clíniques d'avortament

of the abortion clinics

i també increpen a les noies

and they also shout at the girls

que, pobretes, van allà perquè

that, poor things, go there because

tenen més remei.

they have more remedy.

Però què els passa a aquesta pena?

But what is happening to this sorrow?

M'agradaria parlar amb ells, tio.

I would like to talk to them, dude.

Què et passa a la vida per estar tan amargat?

What's happening in your life that makes you so bitter?

Jo suposo que ells estan convençuts que tenen la raó

I suppose they are convinced that they are right.

però què més et dona?

but what else does it give you?

O sigui, et pots preocupar de la teva vida?

So, can you worry about your life?

Hòstia, de debò, és que...

Damn, really, it's just that...

Intento comprendre-ho.

I try to understand it.

Què passa?

What's happening?

No, res, sí, sí.

No, nothing, yes, yes.

És que li estava comentant que la cámara segueix en Parkinson.

I was just mentioning to him that the camera is still on Parkinson.

Ah, ja, mira...

Ah, yes, look...

El Jordi té molt ímpet, tu saps?

Jordi is very impulsive, you know?

El Jordi està nerviós perquè parlem d'això,

Jordi is nervous because we're talking about this.

estem parlant d'aquestes merdes

we are talking about this crap

de puretes i no parlem

of puretas and let's not talk

del que hem vingut aquí a parlar.

about what we have come here to talk about.

I de què hem de parlar?

And what do we have to talk about?

De les presentacions de l'Ivai.

From Ivai's presentations.

Mira pel cul, home, ja estic fàcil d'aquests...

Look through the ass, man, I'm already easy with these...

No, vida dels collons, tio, són uns plastes.

No, for crying out loud, they're a pain.

Núria, de qui lluitarà a la velada

Núria, who will she fight in the evening?

de l'anyo 3, d'Ivai?

from the year 3, of Ivai?

Eh, no, tio, tinc unes ganes que em feu spoiler.

Hey, no, man, I'm really looking forward to you giving me spoilers.

Mira, tenim una llista,

Look, we have a list,

però jo crec que passarem de la llista, Jordi,

but I think we will skip the list, Jordi,

i anirem directament a...

and we will go directly to...

Al tema, no?

To the point, right?

Saps qui és?

Do you know who it is?

Una youtuber, no una youtuber, ben bé,

A YouTuber, not a YouTuber, well,

una influencer, coniguda a nivell internacional.

an influencer, known internationally.

Amorant.

Loving.

Amorant, saps qui és Amorant?

Amorant, do you know who Amorant is?

Saps qui és?

Do you know who he/she is?

Una tia d'OnlyFans

An OnlyFans aunt

que sempre en parla.

that always talks about him.

Que es va fer famosa, entre altres coses,

That became famous, among other things,

per vendre pots amb els seus pets.

to sell pots with their farts.

Per, no sé si...

But, I don't know if...

Pionera, eh, pionera.

Pioneer, huh, pioneer.

Bueno, es va fer molt famosa el seu dia,

Well, it became very famous in its day,

i cada setmana és notícia, però una cosa diferent.

And every week it’s news, but a different thing.

És una tia que fa una milionada

She's a woman who makes a fortune.

a OnlyFans,

to OnlyFans,

i a Twitch...

and on Twitch...

Ui, és pel Roja!

Oh, it's for Roja!

Sí, Núria, si vols triomfar a OnlyFans...

Yes, Núria, if you want to succeed on OnlyFans...

És que ja ho sabia jo, que rebia tanyos, tios.

I already knew it, that I was receiving so many, dudes.

És una influencer molt, molt.

She is a very, very influential influencer.

És guapíssima, no?

She's gorgeous, isn't she?

Amb pel Roja, Núria.

With the Red one, Núria.

El pròxim dia estrena en...

The next day premieres in...

Núria, el pròxim dia has de venir amb el pèl roig

Núria, next time you have to come with red hair.

i dos guants de buxers.

and two pairs of boxing gloves.

A veure, un segon, 70 horets, eh?

Let's see, one second, 70 hours, huh?

Que m'he deixat agobit, xatos?

What have I left overwhelmed, dudes?

O sigui, d'aquí que vagi a la pelu passaran dos mesos.

So, it will be two months before I go to the hairdresser.

Ja t'ho dic ara.

I'm telling you now.

A veure, fem una cosa.

Let's see, let's do something.

Jo no he pagat mai més de 12 euros.

I have never paid more than 12 euros.

Si vols, parla amb la teva perruqueria

If you want, talk to your hairdresser.

i si t'ho fa gratis,

and if he does it for you for free,

posa'm aquí una promo.

put a promo here for me.

Hòstia, però ja comencem amb aquestes merdes d'influencer.

Damn, but we're already starting with these influencer bullshit.

Sí, clar.

Yes, of course.

És un tanquet, eh? Va, ho intento.

It's a little tank, huh? Okay, I'll give it a try.

Ho intento.

I try.

Però, tornem a aquesta noia.

But let's return to this girl.

Però què fa? Ven pots amb pets, has dit?

But what is he doing? You said you come with farts?

Sí, bueno, una de les coses

Yes, well, one of the things.

per les que es va fer famosa va ser això.

For which it became famous was this.

Sí, es treia pets en un pot

Yes, he was farting in a jar.

i te'ls enviava.

and I would send them to you.

Però ja no feia olor al pet, no?

But it didn't smell like a fart anymore, did it?

I per mil euros crec que ho feia, eh?

And for a thousand euros, I think I would do it, huh?

Quina gràcia té!

How funny it is!

Si els tanques bé...

If you close them well...

Jordi, això és boníssim.

Jordi, this is delicious.

Quina gràcia té, és que no la trobo.

What charm does it have? I don't find it.

L'estem parlant d'amorant.

We are talking about loving.

L'estem parlant que ven pets

We are talking about selling farts.

i la seva preocupació és si els pets feien olor o no.

And his concern is whether farts smelled or not.

Entenc jo que continuaran fent pudor si els tanques bé.

I understand that they will continue to smell if you close them properly.

Ja sabeu que...

You already know that...

Jo intento empatitzar amb la penya

I try to empathize with the people.

i vull comprendre per què la gent paga...

And I want to understand why people pay...

Aquest pobre consumidor de pets d'amorant

This poor consumer of love pets.

que quan obre el frasco...

that when he opens the jar...

És gent que no troba olor.

They are people who cannot smell.

És un frasco, és un frasco i ja està.

It's a bottle, it's a bottle and that's it.

No té res. És aire.

It has nothing. It’s air.

Està timat, aquest tio.

This guy is crazy.

Clar, tio, almenys unes calces amb...

Sure, dude, at least some panties with...

Requeson.

Ricotta.

Creus que els consumidors de pets d'amorant

Do you think the consumers of love pets?

haurien d'anar a reclamar?

Should they go to claim?

A reclamar.

To claim.

A cuidar reclamacions.

To take care of claims.

Clar, suposat. Totalment.

Of course, supposed. Totally.

Doncs ja sabeu, nois.

So you know, guys.

Nois, no sigueu...

Boys, don’t be...

A reclamar.

To claim.

Nois i noies, eh?

Boys and girls, right?

Ara, sisplau. I noies, bueno, que sigui.

Now, please. And girls, well, let it be.

O noies.

Oh girls.

Sí, sí, a reclamar.

Yes, yes, to claim.

No ho busc.

I don't look for it.

Doncs aquesta tia segurament

Well, this girl probably

la tia del...

the aunt of...

que fa contingut eròtic

that has erotic content

més famosa de tot internet

most famous on the whole internet

i està a la velada d'Ibai,

and he is at Ibai's event,

a la velada 3,

to the evening 3,

contra una tal

against such a

que jo no la coneixia,

that I didn't know her,

Maggi.

Maggi.

Que resulta que és catalana, d'aquí de Terrassa.

It turns out that she is Catalan, from here in Terrassa.

Ui, jo ens hauré de buscar tot avui, eh?

Oh, I'll have to find everything myself today, huh?

No estic preparada.

I am not ready.

No, jo aquesta no la coneixia tampoc,

No, I didn't know this one either.

però bueno, el tema és que

but well, the thing is that

per primera vegada una estrella internacional

for the first time an international star

participarà a un acte d'aquests

he/she will participate in one of these events

d'un esdeveniment massiu

of a massive event

d'aquests dels streamers.

of these streamers.

L'he buscat, Maggi.

I've looked for her, Maggi.

T'ha sortit Millagui, no?

You've got Millagui, haven't you?

Millagui, no, seria...

Millagui, no, it would be...

Vols veure a càmera, això?

Do you want to see this on camera?

Maggi.

Maggi.

És prou guapa, aquesta.

She's quite pretty, this one.

Maggi, Maggi.

Maggi, Maggi.

És que m'ha sortit un home...

It's just that a man has come out to me...

Vigila tu el que ensenyes a la pantalla, eh?

Watch what you show on the screen, okay?

Millagui, no ets Millagui.

Millagui, you are not Millagui.

Hola, hola, jo he vist...

Hello, hello, I have seen...

Ensenyes la pantalla en càmera

You show the screen on camera.

i de cop surt una tonificació

And suddenly a toning comes out.

o alguna merda i...

or some shit and...

Collons, he badat, he badat, eh?

Damn, I've dozed off, I've dozed off, huh?

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Amb la famosa que sóc.

With the famous person that I am.

Segur que a l'hora de fer captures, no?

Surely when taking screenshots, right?

Segur que li va passar a l'Antonio Banyes, no?

Surely it happened to Antonio Banyes, right?

El de la CUP.

The one from the CUP.

No, no, s'ha d'anar en contra.

No, no, it must be opposed.

Va publicar una captura

He published a screenshot.

i hi havia ja festanyetes de...

and there were already little glimmers of...

De què?

About what?

No, fixa, fixa.

No, look, look.

Bueno, bueno.

Well, well.

No ho comentarem perquè és...

We won't discuss it because it's...

Jo tenc també que forma part de la seva privacitat.

I think it is also part of their privacy.

A veure, a veure.

Let's see, let's see.

Ai, ai, ai, ai.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Que legal, eh, ara, d'acord?

How legal, huh, now, okay?

No, però és veritat, o sigui...

No, but it’s true, I mean...

A mi no m'agradaria que m'ho fessin, llavors.

I wouldn't like them to do that to me, then.

Jo penso que no ho han de fer.

I think they shouldn't do it.

Va passar, punto, no en fem més sangre, això.

It happened, period, let's not make more of a fuss about it.

Que avorrit, tio.

How boring, dude.

D'acord, bé, doncs...

Alright, well then...

Amorant, amorant.

Loving, loving.

Esperem que tu no tinguessis pestanyetes,

We hope you didn't have little eyelashes.

que no és...

that is not...

Jo no miro porno, que no vas a estar al programa.

I don't watch porn, you're not going to be on the show.

I un missatge de l'amant, que ara potser...

And a message from the lover, who perhaps now...

Uuuh, de l'amant, ui, de l'amant.

Ooh, of the lover, oh, of the lover.

Ara que dieu l'amant, puc explicar una anècdota?

Now that you mention the lover, can I share an anecdote?

Pots, pots, clar.

You can, you can, of course.

Sí o no?

Yes or no?

30 segons.

30 seconds.

Súper ràpid.

Super fast.

Una anècdota.

An anecdote.

Allà tens la teva càmera.

There you have your camera.

Tinc una amiga, que no viu a Barna, d'acord?

I have a friend who doesn't live in Barcelona, okay?

Llavors, vosaltres sabeu què és la França?

So, do you know what France is?

La França?

France?

No sabeu què és la França?

Don't you know what France is?

El país?

The country?

Hòstia, ja no puc explicar-la.

Damn, I can't explain it anymore.

A veure, no, però es va a contextualitzar.

Let's see, no, but it will be put into context.

Què és la França?

What is France?

La França o la França?

The France or the France?

No té gràcia, no sabeu què és la França?

It's not funny, don't you know what France is?

No, doncs no té gràcia que expliqui això, collons.

No, then it's not funny for me to explain this, damn.

Explica-ho, jo que sé pujar avui t'agrada.

Explain it, I who know how to climb today you like.

No ens expliques l'anècdota, però dius-nos què és la França.

You don't tell us the anecdote, but tell us what France is.

Al final del programa ho explico.

I'll explain it at the end of the program.

No queda gaire, en realitat ens queda mig programa per fer.

There's not much left, in reality we have half a program to do.

Auto-freqüent, auto-freqüent.

Self-frequent, self-frequent.

I ja s'està acabant el...

And it's already coming to an end the...

Us caieu amb les ganes.

You fell with desire.

Si voleu saber l'anècdota, dieu-me'ls comentaris.

If you want to know the anecdote, tell me the comments.

Bueno, ho he de saber de bona manera.

Well, I have to know it for sure.

Sí, sí, no, està bé, està bé.

Yes, yes, no, it's fine, it's fine.

La França.

France.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Sabeu què és la França, nens?

Do you know what France is, kids?

Vinga, sisplau.

Come on, please.

A veure, jo sé el que és un francès.

Let's see, I know what a Frenchman is.

Tu t'hi has jugat amb tu, toquer, nens?

Have you played with yourself, player, children?

No saben què és la França?

Don't they know what France is?

Jo, Núria...

I, Núria...

Ramon, saps què és la França?

Ramon, do you know what France is?

Oi, no sap què és la França?

Hey, don't you know what France is?

Ets l'única que sap què és la França.

You are the only one who knows what France is.

Tothom sap què és la França, a veure, nen.

Everyone knows what France is, come on, kid.

Núria, vols dir que la França no és una cosa que està al teu cap?

Núria, do you mean that France is not something that's in your head?

Amb la mort de Rini Díaz.

With the death of Rini Díaz.

Teoria conspiranoica.

Conspiracy theory.

Existeix, la França.

France exists.

Doncs és igual, continuem.

Well, it doesn't matter, let's continue.

Està per aquí, però, o no?

Is he/she around here, or not?

Sí, sí, sí.

Yes, yes, yes.

Està per, no?

It's for, isn't it?

Sí.

Yes.

Per cert, tema.

By the way, theme.

Tema important.

Important topic.

Estem parlant de la Murat, no?

We are talking about Murat, aren't we?

Contra el Pallats i tal.

Against the Pallets and such.

També hi ha altres combats interessants,

There are also other interesting fights,

però aquest és el que ho petarà, segurament.

but this is the one that will blow up, for sure.

La Murat.

The Murat.

El contingut que fa.

The content it creates.

Es podria considerar porno, sí o no?

Could it be considered porn, yes or no?

És que jo no sé quin contingut fa.

I don't know what content it has.

Jo tampoc l'he vist mai.

I have never seen him/her either.

Però t'ho pots imaginar.

But you can imagine it.

T'ho pots imaginar.

You can imagine it.

O Brownley Park.

O Brownley Park.

Eh, ho fotem aquí, a la ràdio.

Eh, we do it here, on the radio.

Sí, clar, però has de pagar per poder-ho veure.

Yes, of course, but you have to pay to be able to see it.

No es pot veure a ni un dia.

You can't see it for even a day.

Eh, estàs flipant-ho?

Hey, are you tripping out?

Queda a pagar a sobre per veure això.

You have to pay extra to see this.

Què et penses?

What do you think?

Que aquesta gent viu de l'aire o què et penses?

Do you think these people live off thin air or what?

Núria, t'has de documentar per fer programes.

Núria, you need to do some research to create programs.

Bueno, bueno, volant fer.

Well, well, let's get to it.

T'has de documentar per fer programes.

You need to do your research to create programs.

Però què fa? Fa porno, no?

But what is he doing? He's making porn, right?

És que no m'ha...

It's just that I haven't...

Bueno, fa contingut.

Well, it makes content.

Jo ho suposo, eh?

I suppose so, right?

Eròtic, eròtic.

Erotic, erotic.

Eròtic, era.

Erotic, it was.

Contingut eròtic.

Erotic content.

Clar, si aquesta gent, al final del que diu, és de ser uns escalfarraguetes.

Of course, if these people, in the end, what they say is to be a bunch of spoilsports.

O sigui, si t'ensenyes tot el primer dia, pagues una vegada i te'n vas.

So, if you teach everything on the first day, you pay once and then you leave.

El tema és aquest de, no, cada dia una mica més, tal.

The theme is this, not, every day a little more, such.

Però mai t'acaba d'ensenyar res.

But it never quite teaches you anything.

A quina plataforma està aquesta noia?

Which platform is this girl on?

OnlyFans.

OnlyFans.

OnlyFans, eh? Només?

OnlyFans, huh? Just that?

Bueno, és que això ja tira...

Well, that's already taking off...

I també fa streams a Twitch.

And he also streams on Twitch.

Què és OnlyFans? És una web?

What is OnlyFans? Is it a website?

Sí, és una web.

Yes, it's a website.

OnlyFans és com un Twitch de porno, bàsicament.

OnlyFans is like a porn Twitch, basically.

Ah, collons, un Twitch de porno.

Ah, damn, a porn Twitch.

Bueno, també és com una plataforma, allà també hi pot haver fotos,

Well, it's also like a platform; there can be photos there as well.

coses, sí, no només...

things, yes, not only...

És com un Moodle, però en comptes d'activitats i treballs i deadlines,

It's like a Moodle, but instead of activities and assignments and deadlines,

tens allò, en pla...

you have that, in a way...

Sí, és una mica...

Yes, it's a bit...

Saps? No, és com Patreon, al final.

You know? No, it's like Patreon in the end.

Saps? Un Patreon que diu, en pla...

You know? A Patreon that says, like...

Si arribem als 1.000 euros, jo què sé,

If we reach 1,000 euros, I don't know,

trec, jo què sé, un capítol extra amb el Make it more.

I don't know, I take out an extra chapter with the Make it more.

Eh, flipo, tio.

Hey, I'm freaking out, dude.

Flipo que fem tanta pasta amb aquestes merdes, eh?

I can't believe we make so much money with all this crap, right?

És heavy, o no?

It's heavy, isn't it?

És que sexa molt, el món.

It is that it is very much, the world.

O sigui, a mi la penya és que estaria pobra, ja t'ho dic ara.

That is to say, the thing is that I would be poor, I'm telling you now.

Perquè és que...

Because it is that...

Tu creus que he de pagar per això?

Do you think I should pay for this?

Perquè un tio m'ensenyi un peu o...

Because a guy shows me a foot or...

Jo què sé.

I don't know.

Hi ha molta penya que paga, eh, per això.

There are a lot of people who pay, you know, for that.

No, no, hi ha...

No, no, there is...

Evident, però...

Evident, but...

O sigui, guanya molta pasta, aquesta tia.

I mean, that girl makes a lot of money.

Moltíssima, perquè aquí el negoci està,

A lot, because the business is here.

segons elles diuen,

according to them,

en què elles ofereixen la possibilitat de parlar amb aquesta gent.

in which they offer the possibility to talk to these people.

O sigui, d'endrexats, d'enviar contingut personalitzat.

So, organizing, sending personalized content.

Envia una foto, que l'ensenyo una mica als fets o el que sigui,

Send a photo so I can show it a little to the facts or whatever.

però amb el teu nom allà posat.

but with your name put there.

O m'ha escrit el nom de la nostra procuradora.

Or has written me the name of our attorney.

Clar, això hi ha gent que això li flipa.

Of course, there are people who are really into this.

I està disposada a pagar molts diners per això.

And she is willing to pay a lot of money for it.

Bueno, però és fenomenal fan, al final, no?, tota la vida.

Well, it's phenomenal fan, in the end, right? All life long.

Hòstia, tia, no ho sé.

Damn, girl, I don't know.

O jo què sé, t'envia un àudio on posa així veu sexy

Oh, I don't know, he sends you an audio where he has a sexy voice.

i et felicito pel teu aniversari.

and I congratulate you on your birthday.

Quase és així.

Almost like that.

Però això ho fa un tio famós i també funciona.

But this is done by a famous guy and it also works.

Però vosaltres trobeu que la penya que fa això està bé?

But do you think the people who do this are okay?

Jo no ho faria en ma vida.

I would never do it in my life.

Ho necessito, ajuda.

I need it, help.

Ho considero absolutament ridícul.

I consider it absolutely ridiculous.

Però clar, hi ha gent per tot el món, jo què sé.

But of course, there are people all over the world, I don't know.

No, no, està clar, a veure, si...

No, no, it’s clear, let’s see, if...

Això ho tinc claríssim, eh?

I have this very clear, okay?

Si existeix això i aquesta noia fa tanta pasta,

If this exists and this girl makes so much money,

la pasta surt d'algun lloc, vull dir...

the pasta comes from somewhere, I mean...

Però tu creus que aquesta penya...

But do you think this crowd...

A mi m'hauria sentit.

I would have felt it.

La tia o la gent que ho fa?

The aunt or the people who do it?

No, ella diu.

No, she says.

No, no, ella ho sé perquè ho fa, clar.

No, no, I know why she does it, of course.

La penya que consumeix no està bé al cap.

The people who consume are not right in the head.

Tu creus que aquesta penya no està bé al cap?

Do you think these guys are not right in the head?

A veure, no està bé al cap, potser...

Let's see, it's not right in the head, perhaps...

Em passo dient això, però trobo que alguna cosa falla.

I'm saying this, but I feel that something is wrong.

Saps a què vull dir?

Do you know what I mean?

I la penya que es torna boja per anar al concert de, jo què sé,

And the crowd that goes crazy to go to the concert of, I don’t know,

el Dani Rovira i li tira les calces i tal?

Does Dani Rovira take off her panties and so on?

Clar, sí, evidentment.

Of course, yes, obviously.

Llavors hi ha molta penya al món que no està bé al cap.

Then there are a lot of people in the world who are not right in the head.

No, no, molta penya... Sí, molta gent.

No, no, a lot of crowd... Yes, a lot of people.

A veure.

Let's see.

Ja t'ho dic ara.

I'll tell you now.

Se surt de lo normal.

It goes beyond the normal.

Però a veure què...

But let's see what...

Però, un moment, jo sempre poso aquest exemple.

But, wait a moment, I always give this example.

A partir de la base de què portem no sé quantes edicions de Gran Hermà, no?

Based on the fact that we've had I don't know how many editions of Big Brother, right?

Ja t'està dient alguna cosa, això, no?

It's already telling you something, isn't it?

O què?

Or what?

A veure.

Let's see.

O sigui, abans ens queixaven dels medis.

So, before we complained about the media.

Oh, és que els medis treuen...

Oh, it's just that the media take out...

Els mitjans, Núria, els mitjans. Parlem amb propietat.

The means, Núria, the means. Let's speak properly.

Els mitjans, els mitjans d'abunicació.

The media, the means of communication.

Treuen notícies de merda, però és que la gent consumeix merda.

They publish rubbish news, but it's just that people consume rubbish.

Llavors, què esperes, col·lega?

So, what are you waiting for, buddy?

Jo et diré una cosa.

I will tell you something.

O sigui, si a tu t'haguessin explicat, en un món on, o sigui, t'equivoques a escriure una paraula i et surt porno directament al Google,

So, if someone had explained to you that in a world where, I mean, you misspell a word and it directly brings up porn on Google,

o sigui, t'equivoques, escrius una paraula malament i ja et surt directament, o sigui, està a rebossar per tot arreu.

In other words, you're wrong, you write a word incorrectly and it just pops up directly, I mean, it's overflowing everywhere.

En un món així, on obres una revista i et surten dos textos ja directament, a tot arreu està el sexe.

In a world like this, where you open a magazine and two texts come out right away, sex is everywhere.

Sí, és veritat.

Yes, it's true.

A tu t'haguessin explicat, mira, crearem una aplicació perquè noies ensenyin, jo què sé, lleugeretes de roba, tal,

They would have explained to you, look, we will create an application for girls to show, I don't know, light clothing, like that.

i la gent pagarà autèntiques milions d'euros.

And people will pay real millions of euros.

I funcionarà, i la gent ho farà.

It will work, and people will do it.

I t'ho diràs.

You'll say it to yourself.

Per què?

Why?

Jo, que acabessis pensant.

I want you to end up thinking.

Doncs que el millor de tot és que no es va crear per això, OnlyFans.

Well, the best part is that OnlyFans wasn't created for that.

OnlyFans es va crear simplement pensant en, si tu ets un creador de contingut, et fiques aquí,

OnlyFans was created simply thinking about, if you are a content creator, you join here,

i a diferència d'altres xarxes, aquí hauran de pagar per estar en contacte amb tu i veure el teu contingut.

And unlike other networks, here they will have to pay to be in contact with you and see your content.

Com ara, un tio que toca la guitarra, no? I t'agrada molt com l'està.

Like now, a guy who plays the guitar, right? And you really like how he is.

O un streaming a l'Ibai, doncs es podria fotre aquí i tu hauries de pagar pel contingut de l'Ibai.

Or a stream on Ibai, so it could be taken here and you would have to pay for Ibai's content.

Però la realitat és que això no ha funcionat, i ha funcionat, que noies, bàsicament, però també...

But the reality is that this hasn't worked, and it has worked, that girls, basically, but also...

Like always, like always.

Like always, like always.

És que sempre funciona això.

It always works like this.

Sí, perquè el sexe mou el món.

Yes, because sex moves the world.

Sí, sí.

Yes, yes.

Sí, però el sexe, per quina banda?

Yes, but sex, from which angle?

No, però també hi ha tios, eh, a OnlyFans?

No, but there are also guys, you know, on OnlyFans?

M'agradaria saber percentatges de ties que paguen per això.

I would like to know the percentages of girls who pay for this.

No, no, és que no va per aquí la cosa.

No, no, it's not that.

A veure, però...

Let's see, but...

El contingut de tios a OnlyFans diuen que en un percentatge molt, molt gran va dirigit a homosexuals.

The content from guys on OnlyFans is said to be aimed at homosexuals in a very, very large percentage.

O sigui, altres tios.

So, other guys.

Doncs ja està, ja ho tens.

Well, that's it, you have it now.

És que jo a mi mateixa, i em considero una tia, o sigui,

It's just that I see myself as a girl, I mean,

és que ara sembla que parlant soc com una mojigata.

It's just that now it seems that when I talk I sound like a prude.

No, no, soc una...

No, no, I am a...

Soc una persona, doncs, que li agrada el sexe, com a tothom,

I am a person, therefore, who likes sex, like everyone else.

però és que no m'imagino consumint això.

but I can't imagine myself consuming this.

T'ho he dit de debò.

I've told you for real.

Però jo soc un tio i tampoc m'imagino consumint això.

But I am a guy and I can't imagine consuming this either.

No, no, totalment.

No, no, totally.

O sigui, que en aquest sentit estem d'acord,

So, in this sense, we agree.

però, pues, tio, no sé, això agrada, això funciona, doncs...

but, well, dude, I don't know, this is appealing, this works, so...

No sé, deu generar alguna història addictiva, no?

I don't know, it must generate some addictive story, right?

Tipus com el teu, que també es va pensar...

Types like yours, who also thought...

Suposo que és gent que, fins i tot, hi ha gent que és molt curta

I suppose there are people who are even very short-minded.

i a la millor es pensa que realment se la lligarà.

And maybe she thinks that she will really get him.

Clar, pots parlar amb la persona...

Of course, you can talk to the person...

Pots parlar amb la persona que potser no...

You can talk to the person who perhaps does not...

Que potser no...

Maybe not...

M'encanta.

I love it.

Spoiler, no vais a follar.

Spoiler, you are not going to have sex.

T'ho imagines...

Can you imagine it...

A sa mujer te quiere porque le pagas, normal.

His wife loves him because he pays her, it's normal.

T'ho imagines que tu pots parlar en xat amb l'amorat,

Can you imagine that you can chat with your beloved?

encara que segurament no és l'amorat d'una persona ja contestant,

although he is probably not the lover of a person already answering,

de fent veure que és l'amorat, però és igual.

pretending to be the lover, but it doesn't matter.

Aquesta és una altra.

This is another one.

Estàs convençut que estàs parlant amb l'amorat.

Are you convinced that you are talking to the beloved?

És un xat, és un xat CTG, aquí.

It's a chat, it's a CTG chat, here.

Li expliques...

You explain to him/her...

És més intel·ligent que els propis tios.

He is smarter than the guys themselves.

Saps? El puto xat és més intel·ligent que tu.

You know? The fucking chat is smarter than you.

Les màquines ens substituiran.

Machines will replace us.

Li expliques els teus programes a l'amorat, d'acord?

You explain your plans to the boyfriend, okay?

Ella t'envia pets, o sigui, és una relació molt íntima, això.

She sends you kisses, that is, it’s a very intimate relationship, this.

Però a veure, ja partint de l'amorat,

But let's see, starting from the lover,

jo no penso en voler un pet,

I don't think about wanting a kiss,

però a veure, per què estem considerant aquestes persones?

But let's see, why are we considering these people?

I la tia, si és intel·ligent,

And the aunt, if she is intelligent,

et farà creure que tens alguna possibilitat.

It will make you believe that you have some chance.

Si algun dia vaig a Barcelona, per què no?

If one day I go to Barcelona, why not?

Es podrien veure...

They could be seen...

Podria ser una possibilitat,

It could be a possibility,

el que passa és que no vinc massa, tal,

What happens is that I don't come too much, like,

però bé, algun dia, si pogués...

but well, someday, if I could...

I tu t'ho creus, i vas pagant, pagant, pagant.

And you believe it, and you keep paying, paying, paying.

Però qui s'ho creu, això?

But who believes this?

Mira, gent de Catalunya,

Look, people of Catalonia,

qui ens creu això, sisplau?

Who believes this, please?

Que vingui algú al programa i ens ho expliqui.

Let someone come to the program and explain it to us.

Hi ha gent que prefereix creure aquestes històries,

There are people who prefer to believe these stories,

aquestes creacions,

these creations,

que no afrontar la realitat.

that not facing reality.

Per això et dic,

That's why I tell you,

quina realitat deuen tenir a casa, hòstia.

What reality must they have at home, damn.

Vosaltres creieu que si féssim un OnlyFans

Do you think that if we made an OnlyFans?

de la sotonina tindríem èxit?

Would we succeed with the sotonin?

Home, per suposat.

Home, of course.

O sigui,

That is to say,

què podríem oferir i quan demanaríem?

What could we offer and when would we ask?

Jo no oferiria res.

I wouldn't offer anything.

Eh, però què et passa?

Hey, what's wrong with you?

Estàs superavorrit, Jordi, fora de la sala.

You're really bored, Jordi, outside the room.

O sigui, m'estàs dient que tu oferiries...

So, you're telling me that you would offer...

A veure, abans no estàvem parlant d'un cas hipotètic.

Let's see, before we weren't talking about a hypothetical case.

Abans no ho estàvem parlant.

We weren't talking about it before.

No, però quin és el cas hipotètic?

No, but what is the hypothetical case?

Mira, com està forrat i és mestre,

Look, since he's well-off and is a teacher,

i no s'ha de baixar la bragueta...

and you don't have to unzip your fly...

Si necessites la pasta,

If you need the pasta,

si necessites la pasta el que fos.

if you need the dough, whatever it takes.

Però si no, vinga, home,

But if not, come on, man,

que de ben de la meva prioritat.

that is indeed my priority.

La cosa no és que necessites la pasta,

The thing is not that you need the money,

és que ens farien milionaris.

it's that they would make us millionaires.

Això és que té un pollon i no hi volen assenyar.

This is because he has a big penis and they don't want to point it out.

Si a mi m'asseguren

If they assure me

que em faig milionari,

that I become a millionaire,

podria fer-ho.

I could do it.

Podria fer moltes coses.

I could do many things.

I coses bastant pisos, bastant pisos.

And quite a few apartments, quite a few apartments.

Però clar, hauria de tindre assegurat...

But of course, I should have it insured...

M'ha agradat, eh? M'ha agradat.

I liked it, you know? I liked it.

No t'ho assegura ningú, qui no arrisca no pisca, tio.

No one can guarantee it, those who don't take risks won't get anything, dude.

Bé, doncs llavors no, llavors no m'arrisco.

Well, then no, then I won't take the risk.

La cosa és que podríem oferir...

The thing is that we could offer...

Tu què t'ho faries, tio, segur?

What would you do it for, dude, for sure?

Home, és que...

Home, it's just that...

La pasta per avançat i després parlem.

The money in advance and then we talk.

Però a veure, a veure, a veure...

But let's see, let's see, let's see...

Si no faràs negoci mai, eh?

If you’re never going to do business, huh?

Si no faràs negoci, tio.

If you're not going to do business, man.

O sigui, que te faràs un olifant.

So, you're going to make yourself an elephant.

Vols dir alguna cosa?

Do you want to say something?

Jo estaré un olifant.

I will be an elephant.

Si veig que hi ha negoci...

If I see that there is business...

I deixes la serotonina, tio.

And you leave the serotonin, dude.

No, no, la serotonina és la forma d'aconseguir fandom

No, no, serotonin is the way to gain fandom.

i a l'olifant se'n paga.

And the elephant is paid for.

Però com admiraria jo el suït després d'haver-ne fet aquestes coses?

But how could I admire the suit after having done these things?

Mentre paguis, doncs...

As long as you pay, then...

Ah, clar, hauria de pagar, d'acord, d'acord.

Ah, right, I should pay, okay, okay.

Deixa'm que et digui una cosa, Eloi.

Let me tell you something, Eloi.

Que això segurament li haurà passat...

That this has probably happened to him...

És que s'ha de pagar a l'olifant, s'ha de pagar.

You have to pay the olifant, you have to pay.

Eloi i Núria, això segurament li haurà passat a moltes noies

Eloi and Núria, this has probably happened to many girls.

que han pensat que això era una bona idea.

that they thought this was a good idea.

Tu veus que hi ha negoci

You see that there is a deal.

i t'hi poses, comences a treure contingut.

And when you get there, you start extracting content.

Al final,

In the end,

no te'n surts,

you're not getting away with it,

resulta que no és tan fàcil com tu pensaves

it turns out that it's not as easy as you thought

o resulta que te'n penedeixes

or it turns out that you regret it

i el que tens és

and what you have is

contingut teu

your content

explícit o no explícit, més o menys, eròtic,

explicit or not explicit, more or less, erotic,

a les xarxes, impossible de vos borrar.

On the networks, impossible to delete you.

Les persones que l'han vist

The people who have seen it.

poden fer captures d'allò

they can take captures of that

i fer-te xantatge

and blackmail you

i escampar-ho per allà.

and spread it around there.

Però com et faran xantatge si tu mateix

But how will they blackmail you if you yourself...

t'has fotut a l'olifant?

Have you hurt the elephant?

Però tu imagina't que després te'n penedeixes.

But just imagine that later you regret it.

Tu, la teva idea era

You, your idea was

forrar-te.

to line you.

La cosa no ha anat bé.

The thing hasn't gone well.

Estic d'acord amb el Jordi.

I agree with Jordi.

Si prensa aquesta decisió,

If this decision is pressed,

pensa-t'ho molt bé.

Think it over carefully.

I no s'ho pensa bé.

And he doesn't think it through.

Que tenim una edat, nosaltres.

That we have an age, we do.

Si ens fotem a l'olifant

If we mess with the elephant.

a follar i que surti per allà,

go have sex and let it come out over there,

si després no surt bé,

if it doesn't turn out well afterwards,

no em fotré les mans al cap perquè algú

I won't put my hands on my head because of someone.

em digui que tinc un vídeo teu follant.

Tell me that I have a video of you fucking.

No ho sé, si l'he fotut a l'olifant,

I don't know if I've messed it up with the elephant.

clar que tens un vídeo meu.

Of course you have a video of me.

La pena és que no ho tinguin 5.000 persones més.

The pity is that 5,000 more people don't have it.

Però jo trobo que sí que tampoc se'n parla.

But I think that yes, it is not talked about either.

És molt de prendre aquesta decisió

It's very difficult to make this decision.

i és massa tard, perquè és el que diu el Jordi.

And it's too late, because that's what Jordi says.

Hi ha molta gent que diu

Many people say

mira, em faré...

look, I'll do...

Saps com et pot passar

Do you know how it can happen to you?

amb una hipoteca?

with a mortgage?

També et posen per a dir, però ja no pots...

They also put you there to speak, but you can no longer...

És diferent.

It is different.

És molt pitjor una hipoteca que fer-te un olifant.

A mortgage is much worse than getting an elephant.

Què dius ara?

What are you saying now?

Et fas un olifant, si no surt, doncs per casa.

You make yourself an elephant, if it doesn't come out, then at home.

Això és com quan et grabes amb el teu xurri

This is like when you record yourself with your partner.

fent un vídeo casero.

making a homemade video.

No ho facis.

Don't do it.

Perquè com ho deixis amb aquesta persona...

Because if you break up with this person...

Ahora nos queremos, pero luego nos odiamos.

Now we love each other, but then we hate each other.

Cuidado con ese vídeo.

Be careful with that video.

No té res a veure.

It has nothing to do with it.

Núria, quan li va passar allò al Santi Millán,

Núria, when that happened to Santi Millán,

que es va filtrar el vídeo,

that the video was leaked,

jo el primer que vaig pensar és

the first thing I thought was

mira, a mi això no em passarà.

Look, this won't happen to me.

Si li va donar igual a ell.

He didn't care.

Se la va suar.

She sweated it out.

A veure, també públicament

Let's see, also publicly.

ha de donar a conèixer

must make known

que no li importa, però a ningú li agrada, tio.

that it doesn't matter to him, but nobody likes it, dude.

Que es filtri un vídeo teu

Let a video of yours be filtered.

tenint intimitat.

having intimacy.

Que fija aquesta persona, eh.

What a fixed gaze this person has, huh.

Bueno, llavors quedem.

Well, then let's meet.

Què fem?

What do we do?

Tu saps la de gent que s'ha posat a la indústria del porno

You know how many people have entered the porn industry.

pensant què tal, i després, de per vida,

thinking what if, and then, for life,

això els persegueix.

this follows them.

No han fet ni un puto duro, perquè els hi fan quatre ulls,

They haven't made a single dime because they get scrutinized.

els hi fan creure que es faran milionàries

they make them believe that they will become millionaires

i al final no són res.

and in the end they are nothing.

Que hi ha molta gent que s'ha atrapat dels dits aquí, Eloi.

That many people have gotten their fingers stuck here, Eloi.

Que no ho vols veure, però això...

That you don't want to see it, but this...

Està preocupat molt per tu.

He is very worried about you.

No ho hagas.

Don't do it.

Eloi, no et facis un OnlyFans.

Eloi, don't make an OnlyFans.

Jo me'l puc fer.

I can make it for myself.

Si el meu fandom m'ho demana...

If my fandom asks me for it...

No, no puc fer OnlyFans.

No, I can't do OnlyFans.

Un moment.

One moment.

Li he dit, i jo me'l puc fer, i s'ho ha pensat, eh.

I told him, and I can do it for myself, and he thought about it, huh.

No, no, tu...

No, no, you...

No, tu me la peles.

No, you are the one who is annoying me.

No.

No.

Tu, mira, pues, putilla, valentera.

You, look, well, little whore, brave one.

No, però és que...

No, but it's just that...

És que, Jordi, tio, t'has de rentar...

It's just that, Jordi, dude, you need to wash...

No, és que me'n vaig, eh.

No, I'm leaving, okay.

Ja saps si cae marxa, tio, eh.

You already know if he's leaving, dude, right?

Hòstia puta.

Holy shit.

Perdona'm, Núria.

Forgive me, Núria.

Perdona'm.

Forgive me.

No t'haurà de passar.

It shouldn't happen to you.

D'acord.

Okay.

A més que si fem un OnlyFans a la sordonya,

Besides, if we make an OnlyFans in the sordonya,

tu has de sortir, perquè si no, no som dimos.

You have to leave, because if not, we are not demons.

Home, crec que el públic femení està més sol·licitat, eh.

At home, I think the female audience is more sought after, right?

Sí, per això.

Yes, for that.

El públic femení...

The female audience...

Ui, Sara, ja no passa res, tio.

Oh, Sara, it's fine now, dude.

Perdona'm.

Forgive me.

Me he quedat més tranquil.

I feel more at ease.

Avui no he dormit, eh, si no.

Today I haven't slept, you know, if not.

Això és pitjor que allò de la bragueta, ja t'ho he dit.

This is worse than that thing with the fly, I've told you.

Vale, vale.

Okay, okay.

Bueno, què fem?

Well, what do we do?

Ho deixem aquí?

Shall we leave it here?

Teníem molts més temes, eh, però no...

We had many more topics, huh, but no...

Sí, és que si no hi estàs, és igual.

Yes, if you are not there, it doesn't matter.

El Ramon vol...

Ramon wants...

Jo crec que vol marxar cap a casa, ja.

I think he/she wants to go home now.

Però si s'ho passa de puta mare, el Ramon, tio.

But if Ramon is having an awesome time, man.

Sí, està fins als collons de nosaltres, Núria.

Yes, he is fed up with us, Núria.

Diu que no, però jo sé que sí.

He says no, but I know that yes.

Bueno, està...

Well, it is...

Ramon, què tal ha anat el partidet de FIFA?

Ramon, how did the FIFA match go?

Ha guanyat, o no?

Has he won, or not?

No ens mira ni a la cara.

He doesn't even look us in the face.

Ese Ramon, mira Ramon, collons.

That Ramon, look Ramon, damn it.

Mira, no et paraules.

Look, don't worry.

No vol venir, no vol venir.

He doesn't want to come, he doesn't want to come.

No vol donar la cara, el Ramon.

Ramon doesn't want to show his face.

Bueno, doncs marxem.

Well, let's go.

Teníem molts temes.

We had many topics.

Jo volia parlar de Final Fantasy XVI,

I wanted to talk about Final Fantasy XVI,

volia parlar de Resident Evil 4.

I wanted to talk about Resident Evil 4.

Espera.

Wait.

Volia parlar de que torna Auronplay, el matanazis.

I wanted to talk about Auronplay coming back, the matanazis.

Hòstia, Auronplay...

Holy shit, Auronplay...

Què fem? Ho deixem per la setmana que ve?

What do we do? Should we leave it for next week?

Tu què penses d'Auronplay?

What do you think of Auronplay?

Si un...

If a...

30 segons.

30 seconds.

Mira, no vull fer cap comentari perquè estic molt desubicada.

Look, I don’t want to make any comments because I feel very out of place.

O sigui...

That is...

A ver, a ver, a ver.

Let's see, let's see, let's see.

No, no, un segon, un segon.

No, no, one second, one second.

No, és que és un cabrón perquè tu mira...

No, it's just that he's a bastard because you see...

Matxacas, matxacas a la pobre noia.

You harass, you harass the poor girl.

Quina noia?

Which girl?

A la pobre noia que ha tingut...

To the poor girl who has had...

A la pobre noia, a la noia.

To the poor girl, to the girl.

Lo de pobre ho treus.

You take the poor out of it.

Matxacas a la pobre noia.

You’re bullying the poor girl.

De pobre nada, pobre la gente que mendiga.

Not poor at all, poor are the people who beg.

Escolta, matxacas a la pobreta noia que ha tingut un desliz

Listen, you're piling on the poor girl who has made a slip-up.

i a Auronplay, no, no quiero opinar de eso porque no lo tengo claro,

and about Auronplay, no, I don't want to express an opinion on that because I'm not sure.

porque necesito más contentos, que da la serenoridad.

Because I need more happy people, as it brings serenity.

Puc? Em deixeu parlar?

May I? Do you let me speak?

A mi l'Auronplay m'agradava molt a la seva època.

I really liked Auronplay in his time.

Ara jo no consumeixo YouTube, llavors...

Now I don't consume YouTube, so...

És que precisament parlen d'aquella època que tu consumies.

It's just that they are talking about that time that you consumed.

No, perquè no era l'època hater que es fotia amb tot Déu.

No, because it wasn't the hater era that messed with everyone.

Era una miqueta més endavant.

It was a little further ahead.

Quan ja estava polite i tranquil·let i maduret.

When I was already polite and calm and mature.

Pas equilibris per no haver de plantar l'àmbit.

Steps to balance so you don't have to establish the scope.

Eh, que us fotin, tio. Auron, Auron, tio.

Eh, screw you, man. Auron, Auron, man.

No aconseguirem fer-li una entrevista, no fa falta que et facis amiga d'ell.

We won't manage to interview him, there's no need for you to become friends with him.

Auron!

Auron!

Bueno, doncs jo crec...

Well, I think...

Jo crec que amb això ja ho deixem.

I think we should leave it at that.

Auron, ja t'hi digo jo que no, però...

Auron, I already tell you that no, but...

Si Auron ve a la serotonina, em faig un olifant.

If Auron comes to serotonin, I’ll make myself an elephant.

Auron.

Auron.

I tinc uns peus molt macos.

I have very nice feet.

Doncs res, amb això tanquem la setmana.

Well then, with that we close the week.

Adeu!

Goodbye!

Adeu, adeu, adeu.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.