La Sotana 342
La Sotana
La Sotana
La Sotana 342
Des del Poble Nou comença La Sotana.
La Sotana starts from Poble Nou.
Cada dilluns, de 10 a 11 de la nit,
Every Monday, from 10 to 11 at night,
Joel Díaz i Manel Vidal
Joel Díaz and Manel Vidal
analitzen l'actualitat esportiva amb l'ajuda de Mochi,
they analyze current sports events with the help of Mochi,
la calva més brillant de Catalunya.
the shiniest bald head in Catalonia.
Tot produït i moderat per l'Andreu Joanola.
All produced and moderated by Andreu Joanola.
Jo us fallaré.
I will fail you.
I a la màgia dels tuets.
And to the magic of the tuets.
Jo no hablo.
I do not speak.
L'Enric Cusó.
Enric Cusó.
La Sotana, el que diem, va a missa.
The Cassock, what we say, goes to mass.
Bona nit, bona nit, Barcelona, bona nit, Catalunya.
Good night, good night, Barcelona, good night, Catalonia.
Són les 10 en punt, mira, per fi, per fi comencem en punt,
It's exactly 10 o'clock, look, finally, finally we start on time.
i això és La Sotana, un programa d'esports,
and this is La Sotana, a sports program,
és a dir de futbol, és a dir del Barça,
that is to say football, that is to say Barça,
és a dir de Messi!
It is a word from Messi!
Messi, dime qué se siente.
Messi, tell me how it feels.
Va, què estàs fent ara?
Come on, what are you doing now?
Una percussió.
A percussion.
Un sonajero, un sonajero.
A rattle, a rattle.
Has vingut més animat que l'altre dia, eh?
You've come more cheerful than the other day, huh?
Ha tornat Messi, eh?
Messi is back, right?
M'he pres un cafè, Messi.
I had a coffee, Messi.
I Magí ha tornat, també.
Magí has returned as well.
El Barça ha canviat radicalment en pocs mesos
Barça has changed radically in a few months.
des de l'arribada de Flick a la banqueta del Barça.
since Flick's arrival on the Barça bench.
Recordem que el Barça només va fitxar a dos jugadors
Let’s remember that Barça only signed two players.
i només un d'ells, Dani Olmo, és titular indiscutible.
And only one of them, Dani Olmo, is an undisputed starter.
I el conjunt blaurana va guanyar 1-4 al camp del Girona,
And the blaurana team won 1-4 at Girona's home.
on l'any passat l'equip de Mitchell va fotre un repàs brutal
last year Mitchell's team had a brutal comeback.
al Barça de Xavi i Hernández.
At Barça of Xavi and Hernández.
Segurament el Girona no és el mateix de l'any passat,
Surely Girona is not the same as last year,
però cal destacar l'actitud i la pressió dels jugadors del Barça
but it is important to highlight the attitude and pressure of the Barça players
i això, Joel, em fa que em molesti moltíssim
And this, Joel, makes me very upset.
i fins i tot m'enfadi per com hem perdut el temps
and even I get angry about how we have wasted time
aquests últims anys.
these last years.
Bueno.
Good.
No?
No?
Així ho valores més, també.
This way you value it more, too.
Això ho valoro més.
I value this more.
Aquesta setmana comença la Champions, aquella competició,
This week the Champions League begins, that competition,
que el primer objectiu és que no la guanyi el Madrid
that the first goal is for Madrid not to win it
i després ja mirarem de competir.
And then we'll see about competing.
S'estrena nou format i la final és al camp del Bayern de Múnich.
A new format is introduced and the final is at Bayern Munich's stadium.
De l'Alianz.
From the Alliance.
A l'Alianz Arena.
At the Allianz Arena.
Avui m'acompanyen tres persones que, gràcies a Flick,
Today I am accompanied by three people who, thanks to Flick,
no abandonaran el futbol i, fins i tot,
they will not abandon football and, even,
poden tornar a renunciar a algun pla divertit per mirar el Barça.
they may give up some fun plans to watch Barça.
Avui el Joel farà una cosa molt argentina.
Today Joel will do something very Argentine.
El Manel ha escrit una carta
Manel has written a letter.
i el Magí ha aconseguit portar un savi del futbol
and Magí has managed to bring a football expert.
i de la condició física.
and of physical condition.
Comencem aquesta hora.
Let's start this hour.
Què voldríeu?
What would you like?
Que en fossin dues.
That there were two.
La sotana.
The cassock.
Necesito que tenga mucha suerte, pero está en este mundo.
I need you to have a lot of luck, but you are in this world.
El programa preferit del teu programa preferit.
The favorite program of your favorite program.
S'ha quedat a gust.
He has enjoyed himself.
Va, va, vosat.
Come on, come on, you.
I me'n vaig.
I'm leaving.
I te'n vas.
You're leaving.
Magí García.
Magí García.
Magí García, bona nit.
Magí García, good night.
Sí.
Yes.
Què?
What?
Ha començat bé la setmana?
Has the week started well?
Aquesta setmana que hi ha...
This week there is...
Alerta que es refrescarà, eh?
Watch out, it will get cold, okay?
Sí.
Yes.
Aquesta gent que comença les converses...
These people who start the conversations...
No, està canviant el temps.
No, the weather is changing.
Gràcies, Gori Massip.
Thank you, Gori Massip.
Ha començat, ha començat.
It has begun, it has begun.
Però què?
But what?
El més difícil és començar.
The hardest part is starting.
Sí.
Yes.
Les setmanes i tot, en realitat.
The weeks and everything, really.
Vale.
Okay.
Per mi, no.
Not for me.
No?
No?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
A mi, per mi, començar és el més fàcil
For me, starting is the easiest.
i continuar és el més difícil, sempre.
And continuing is the hardest part, always.
Bueno.
Good.
No, clar, continuar és el més difícil.
No, of course, continuing is the hardest part.
Continuar costa moltíssim.
Continuing is very difficult.
Començar, en canvi,
To begin, however,
Joan Díaz, bona nit.
Joan Díaz, good evening.
Portes la samarreta foradada.
You are wearing a shirt with a hole.
Estic com el temps.
I am like the weather.
Mira, no t'ho creuràs, això em va passar
Look, you won't believe it, this happened to me.
a la larga una residència de...
in the long run a residence of...
Que tens segona residència?
Do you have a second home?
De la Gemma, no.
Not Gemma.
L'altre dia que vam anar allà a l'Empordà.
The other day when we went there to the Empordà.
Què va passar?
What happened?
Em vaig enganxar amb un ferro d'una...
I got stuck with a piece of iron from a...
D'una tanca.
Of a fence.
D'una finestra.
From a window.
Aquesta finestra és...
This window is...
I no la jubiles, eh?
And you don't retire her, okay?
Tu quan creus que una samarreta passa a ser de pijama?
When do you think a t-shirt becomes pajamas?
Aquesta ja fa pinta.
This one already looks promising.
Aquesta no, perquè és que...
Not this one, because...
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
O sigui, aquesta...
That is, this...
Jo em compro les samarretes bàsiques al decalón
I buy my basic t-shirts at Decathlon.
perquè són molt barates, costen 4...
because they are very cheap, they cost 4...
Que no vas al Walla i Unipreus?
Aren't you going to Walla and Unipreus?
Ai!
Oh!
És que ara em costa anar al Walla i Unipreus ja.
It's just that now it's hard for me to go to Walla and Unipreus already.
Per què?
Why?
Perquè abans vivia al costat del Walla i Unipreus
Because I used to live next to Walla and Unipreus.
i ara vinc més lluny.
And now I come further away.
Quan he de fer una compra important...
When I have to make an important purchase...
Important, no.
Important, no.
Amb uns pantalons, per exemple,
With some pants, for example,
els consells importants...
the important advice...
Casament, per això.
Marriage, that's why.
Vaig al Walla...
I'm going to Walla...
Tu pots sortir allà amb roba de boda, també, eh?
You can also go out there in wedding clothes, right?
Home, no.
No, home.
Walla i Unipreus és una cosa que m'agradaria dir...
Walla and Unipreus is something I would like to say...
Deuen tenir camises...
They must have shirts...
En realitat no és Walla i Unipreus,
In reality, it is not Walla and Unipreus,
seria Walla d'Unipreus.
It would be Walla from Unipreus.
Perquè Unipreus és l'empresa que hi ha darrere del Walla.
Because Unipreus is the company behind Walla.
És Walla by Unipreus.
It's Walla by Unipreus.
By Unipreus.
By Unipreus.
Ah, d'acord.
Ah, okay.
És a dir, Unipreus és una empresa de Lleida
That is to say, Unipreus is a company from Lleida.
que un dia va decidir que el seu nom no molava prou
that one day he decided that his name wasn't cool enough
i es va inventar-lo de Walla.
And it was invented by Walla.
Amb molt bon criteri.
With very good judgment.
Que també s'han quedat mitges.
They have also been left halfway.
Per què?
Why?
Tampoc mola gaire, Walla.
It doesn't really rock that much, Walla.
Home, Walla!
Home, Walla!
És com una nomatopeia, pràcticament.
It's like an onomatopoeia, practically.
Sí, sí, Walla.
Yes, yes, Walla.
Walla, quins preus!
Wow, what prices!
Sí, sí, ho he entès, ho he entès.
Yes, yes, I have understood it, I have understood it.
Buscant aquest efecte, no?
Looking for this effect, right?
Ho he entès, ho he entès.
I understand, I understand.
Manel Vidal, bona nit, com estàs?
Manel Vidal, good evening, how are you?
Bona nit, molt bé.
Good night, very well.
Com ha anat aquest cap de setmana?
How was your weekend?
Doncs la veritat és que...
Well, the truth is that...
No me'n recordo, però...
I don't remember, but...
Sí que te'n recordes, home.
Yes, you remember it, man.
No, bé, bé, molt bé.
No, well, well, very well.
Hem estat fent coses amb en Joel, que sempre és...
We've been doing things with Joel, who is always...
L'has tret a casa?
Have you taken it out of the house?
Sempre és intens.
It is always intense.
L'has tret a casa?
Have you taken it out of the house?
Sempre és...
It is always...
Que bé, que bé.
How good, how good.
Adéu, tinc apuntat aquí.
Goodbye, I have noted it down here.
Anuncia que fem un podcast a València.
Announce that we are making a podcast in Valencia.
Alerta.
Alert.
Vale.
Okay.
Fem un podcast a València.
We are doing a podcast in Valencia.
22 de novembre.
November 22.
Divendres.
Friday.
Ara miraré càmera.
Now I will look at the camera.
Divendres 22 de novembre.
Friday, November 22.
Mira, entrada gratuïta,
Look, free admission.
així que heu de reservar el que vindria a ser l'entrada.
So you need to book what would be the entrance.
I un cop reservat, anar-hi.
And once reserved, go there.
Anar-hi, clar, no deixeu...
Go ahead, of course, don't leave...
Aquesta cosa és gratis.
This thing is free.
Entrada gratuïta?
Free entrance?
Sí.
Yes.
Per què ho fem, això?
Why do we do this?
Perquè hi ha el diner públic, suposo.
Because there is public money, I suppose.
Ah.
Ah.
Entenc, si no, no sortim.
I understand, if not, we won't go out.
Si no, el descobrem.
If not, we discover it.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
Vale, va bé, ja quedo tranquil.
Okay, that's good, I'm calm now.
El descobrem de l'arari?
Do we discover it from the plow?
No sé si és públic, eh?
I don't know if it's public, huh?
El nostre contacte és l'arari.
Our contact is the plow.
Però quin arari?
But which plow?
Ara...
Now...
El públic?
The audience?
Fan un festival de podcast.
They are having a podcast festival.
Fan un festival que es diu Festival Pot, vale?
They hold a festival called Festival Pot, okay?
Estava estant a prop, a la sala aquesta,
I was standing nearby, in this room,
ho he mirat al mapa.
I have looked at the map.
Et posa molt catxondo el rotllo d'agafar vehicles...
It really gets you in the mood the thing about taking vehicles...
I anar lluny...
I go far...
Per actuar...
To act...
En català.
In Catalan.
Em fa molta il·lusió, això.
This really excites me.
És la desperita Jaume I, no?
It's the awakening of Jaume I, right?
Una miqueta.
A little bit.
Molt bé.
Very well.
Anem, comencem ja el programa.
Let's go, let's start the program now.
1 a 4, ahir.
1 to 4, yesterday.
1 a 4.
1 to 4.
En Joel va demanar 4 gols.
Joel asked for 4 goals.
Vas demanar 4 gols.
You asked for 4 goals.
Jo vaig demanar 4 a 0, no passa res,
I asked for 4 to 0, it's okay,
perquè aquell gol és anecdòtic.
because that goal is anecdotal.
En fora de joc, per cert, aquell gol.
Offside, by the way, that goal.
Sí.
Yes.
Però estic molt content.
But I am very happy.
Estic molt content perquè va passar exactament
I am very happy because it happened exactly.
que és establir les bases
what it means to establish the foundations
del que ja hauria de ser una relació normal amb el Girona.
of what should already be a normal relationship with Girona.
Quina?
Which one?
Una relació, com ja vaig apuntar aquí,
A relationship, as I mentioned here,
de superioritat, de dominància, de germà gran,
of superiority, of dominance, of big brother,
de submissió, fins i tot, per part del Girona.
of submission, even, on the part of Girona.
Vull dir, i mentre es mantingui així,
I mean, and as long as it stays like this,
jo no...
not me...
Vull dir, el Girona em seguirà caient bé
I mean, Girona will still be cool with me.
i no hi haurà cap problema.
and there will be no problem.
Tu, quan el Girona, per exemple, no juga contra el Barça,
You, when Girona, for example, does not play against Barça,
vas amb el Girona?
Are you going with Girona?
Sí.
Yes.
És així?
Is that so?
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
I jo vull que segueixi sent així.
And I want it to stay that way.
Entesos.
Understood.
Vull que sigui un equip amic...
I want it to be a friendly team...
Vos, els sis punts...
You, the six points...
Eh?
Eh?
Vos, els sis punts, no?
You, the six points, right?
No, no, els sis punts.
No, no, the six points.
Mira, mira, així com et dic això,
Look, look, just as I tell you this,
també et dic que m'agradaria demanar perdó
I also want to say that I would like to apologize.
als aficionats del Girona...
to the fans of Girona...
Mira, càmera.
Look, camera.
...de part del Barça,
...from Barça,
perquè amb el Romeu vam executar
because with Romeo we executed
la clàusula aquesta del cagazo.
the clause about the scare.
Això volia parlar-ne.
I wanted to talk about this.
Em sembla...
It seems to me...
Ah, ho tens a l'escaleta.
Ah, you have it in the agenda.
Sí, però parlem-ne ara, parlem-ne ara, parlem-ne ara.
Yes, but let's talk about it now, let's talk about it now, let's talk about it now.
A mi m'agradaria que el Barça
I would like Barça to...
destaqués també per no posar
also stood out for not putting
aquesta mena de clàusules tristes
this kind of sad clauses
i lamentables.
and lamentable.
Vull dir, si tu no comptes amb un jugador,
I mean, if you don't count on a player,
no hi comptes i punt, és acabat.
Do not count on it, it's over.
Sí, però és que estàs pagant una part del sou.
Yes, but you are paying a part of the salary.
Sí, estàs pagant per apunyar.
Yes, you are paying to stab.
És com contractar un sicari per aquest màtic.
It's like hiring a hitman for this matic.
No, no, no, no és el mateix.
No, no, no, it's not the same.
No, però és perquè no el vols.
No, but it's because you don't want it.
Aquest jugador que tu estàs cedint...
This player that you are loaning...
Estàs cedint, però no el vols.
You are yielding, but you don't want it.
Tu, Oriol Romeu...
You, Oriol Romeu...
És el perro de l'Hortelano.
It's the dog of the Gardener.
Oriol Romeu, Magí, perdona,
Oriol Romeu, Magí, forgive me,
no l'has cedit per aviam
you haven't given it up for aviation
si ara explota i te'l quedes tu.
if it explodes now, you keep it.
Segur que no.
Surely not.
No, no.
No, no.
Però no és el cas.
But that's not the case.
Tu estàs pagant una part d'Oriol Romeu.
You are paying a part of Oriol Romeu.
Llavors, econòmicament no té sentit.
Then, it doesn’t make sense economically.
Econòmicament sí.
Economically yes.
Aquí l'economia no entra.
Here, the economy does not matter.
És un tema esportiu sempre.
It's always a sports topic.
És que econòmicament...
It's just that economically...
És un tema esportiu sempre.
It is always a sports topic.
Va haver-hi un moment
There was a moment.
que els equips van començar a fer la clàusula aquesta.
that the teams started to make this clause.
Al Madrid.
To Madrid.
Amb el Morientes.
With Morientes.
Perquè fots el ridícul.
Because you make a fool of yourself.
Si un jugador que t'està pagant
If a player who is paying you
et guanya i et marca dos gols a casa teva,
beats you and scores two goals at your home.
és una mica dolorós.
it's a bit painful.
Però si no el vols...
But if you don't want it...
Doncs pagar tot el sou del jugador.
So pay the entire salary of the player.
No, fitxa el jugador.
No, register the player.
Mentre el jugador...
While the player...
Per tant, el jugador és meu.
Therefore, the player is mine.
Ja, però...
Yes, but...
De moment, nosaltres hem pogut alliberar
For the moment, we have been able to free.
com una mica de massa salarial amb l'Oriol Romeu.
with a bit of wage mass with Oriol Romeu.
Massa salarial.
Wage bill.
No, que no.
No, it can't be.
Bueno.
Good.
Creieu que hagués canviat molt?
Do you think it would have changed a lot?
No, ha passat a la nit.
No, it happened at night.
Ha sortit a l'Oriol Romeu.
Oriol Romeu has come out.
A l'Oriol Romeu fa un gol de xilena.
Oriol Romeu scores a bicycle kick goal.
Clar, clar.
Of course, of course.
Rebinta a les arxes.
Come back to the roots.
Deixem dir-te que
Let me tell you that
o el Michel espavila
or Michel is getting it together
o...
or...
potser patiran.
they may suffer.
Per?
Why?
Hòstia, perquè...
Holy crap, why...
Però, vull dir, per mantenir-se?
But, I mean, to stay?
A tu et sembla, per exemple,
For example, do you think that...
que l'esprilla aquest és
that the esprilla this is
Sabinho?
Sabinho?
Segur que no.
Surely not.
Que el davanter centro és
That the center forward is
Dobbik?
Dobbik?
Segur que no.
Surely not.
Però, de quedar...
But, about staying...
Però, Joel...
But, Joel...
Que el nano que no recordo
That kid that I don't remember.
qui jugava de mig centro és Aleix.
The one playing as a midfielder is Aleix.
És a dir, crec que té, francament,
That is to say, I think it has, frankly,
bastant pitjor equip que l'any passat.
much worse team than last year.
Home, segur?
Safe home?
Però és que va quedar tercer.
But he finished third.
Ja, ja, ja, ja.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Joel, vull dir,
Joel, I mean,
que mirar pitjor segur el Girona.
That will look worse for Girona.
Jo crec que el Michel es farà funcionar
I believe that Michel will make it work.
la segona volta molt bé.
The second time very well.
Clar.
Of course.
Bueno, llavors serà al revés,
Well, then it will be the other way around,
perquè normalment el Girona
because normally Girona
fotia unes primeres voltes acollonants
it was doing some amazing first laps
i després es desinflava una mica.
and then it deflated a little.
Però quan és després?
But when is later?
Vull dir, només hi ha un any de referència
I mean, there is only one reference year.
pel Girona que estàs parlant d'això.
for the Girona that you are talking about this.
Vull dir, els altres anys...
I mean, in other years...
La teva mostra és això.
Your sample is this.
El Girona acostuma a fer bones primeres voltes.
Girona usually has good first halves.
I que normalment...
And usually...
I que els deuen estar molts entrats
And they must be very involved.
a la Champions, molt molts entrats.
In the Champions, a lot of entries.
Qui? A la Champions?
Who? In the Champions?
No, home, no gens.
No, come on, not at all.
Doncs no haurien d'estar-ho.
Well, they shouldn't be.
Clar, que cada victòria de la Champions
Of course, each Champions victory
és panohita, aquest cau.
This is a small dump, this place.
Sí, això és clar.
Yes, that is clear.
Parlem de l'Olarça, si us sembla, però...
Let's talk about the Olarça, if you agree, but...
1-4 Manel...
1-4 Manel...
Feliz?
Happy?
Molt.
Very.
De tornar a gaudir.
To enjoy again.
És trist, perquè m'agradaria ser una persona
It's sad, because I would like to be a person.
amb unes aficions molt més elevades,
with much higher interests,
però soc molt més feliç quan el Barça està bé.
but I am much happier when Barça is doing well.
Tinc l'ànima molt més lleugera.
I feel much lighter in spirit.
Estic molt més content.
I am much happier.
Tinc ganes de quedar jugant dijous contra el Monaco,
I want to meet up to play Thursday against Monaco.
que per cert, a les Champions el dijous ja en parlarem.
By the way, we'll talk about it on Thursday at the Champions.
En parlarem després, sí, sí.
We'll talk about it later, yes, yes.
I, per tant, doncs, estic millor.
And, therefore, I am better.
Qui ha el Monaco bo, així, que diguis,
Who has the good Monaco, so that you say,
hòstia, aquest és bo?
Wow, is this good?
Juli, Morientes...
Juli, Morientes...
Sí, sí, Morientes, Sony Anderson...
Yes, yes, Morientes, Sony Anderson...
Mbappé, Mbappé...
Mbappé, Mbappé...
Sony Anderson, aquest.
Sony Anderson, this one.
Màrquez, Enric...
Màrquez, Enric...
Màrquez jugava...
Márquez was playing...
Joan, tu així vas veure el partit?
Joan, did you watch the match like this?
Vaig veure el que vaig poder, però sí.
I saw what I could, but yes.
Què va passar?
What happened?
La paternitat.
Fatherhood.
Què és el que més t'agrada, però,
What is it that you like the most, though?
d'ahir, ahir, de diumenge?
from yesterday, yesterday, from Sunday?
És que et diria que tot, tio.
I would tell you everything, man.
Tot, tot, eh?
Everything, everything, huh?
O sigui, la pressió...
So, the pressure...
Entrar al primer gol és una pressió superben feta,
Scoring the first goal is a very well executed pressure.
que jo al Barça no l'hi hauria fet igual en 10 anys,
that I wouldn't have done the same with Barça in 10 years,
aquesta pressió de la minya amb el Rubán...
this pressure of the mine with Rubán...
És que no Rubán.
It's just that no, Rubán.
Tant el passe perquè el tio es posi nerviós...
Just let him get nervous...
Això està molt bé.
This is very good.
Se'n posa molt nerviós, també, eh?
He gets really nervous, too, doesn't he?
David López, també...
David López, also...
Jo ja em fotria tan nerviós
I would already be getting so nervous.
que trauria la pastilleta de cianol que porten els espies
that would take out the cyanide pill that spies carry
i me l'empecaria allà al mig.
And I would get it stuck there in the middle.
És bo, la minya recuperant el camp contrari.
It's good, the team regaining control of the opposing field.
Som l'equip que més a dalt pressiona de tota la Llei Espanyola.
We are the team that exerts the most pressure at the top of the entire Spanish Law.
Però jo crec que això ho podrem mantenir tota la temporada.
But I believe that we will be able to maintain this throughout the season.
Aquest és el gran dubte de...
This is the great doubt of...
De hablar-se de flics.
About talking to cops.
De Hans.
From Hans.
De Hans i flics, no?
From Hans and cops, right?
Per mi és el gran dubte de si aquest equip aguantarà això.
For me, it is the big question of whether this team will withstand this.
Jo crec que no.
I don't think so.
I la minya mal, què?
And the bad little girl, what?
La minya mal, quina seria la...
The bad minya, what would it be...
Per exemple, Manel...
For example, Manel...
És la millor jugadora del món.
She is the best player in the world.
Això te n'anava a dir.
I was going to tell you that.
La hot take més atrevida que podries dir ara de la minya mal,
The boldest hot take you could say now about the bad vagina,
quina podries dir?
What could you say?
La diré molt atrevida, no em diguis boig.
I will say it very boldly, don't call me crazy.
No és 100% descartable a dia d'avui...
It is not 100% dismissible as of today...
No diguis Messi.
Don't say Messi.
...que quan es retiri no sigui millor que Messi.
...that when he retires he is not better than Messi.
No, però la hot take debatible...
No, but the debatable hot take...
Has demanat una hot take?
Have you asked for a hot take?
La minya mal...
The vagina badly...
Sí, sí, és molt hot take.
Yes, yes, it's a very hot take.
La minya mal a aquesta edat és millor que Messi a la mateixa edat.
The girl at this age is better than Messi at the same age.
Sí.
Yes.
Jo crec que és més decisiu, no millor.
I believe it is more decisive, not better.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
No, no és el mateix...
No, it's not the same...
A la futbol el que val diners és...
In football, what is worth money is...
És el millor adolescent de la història.
He is the best teenager in history.
És el millor Michael Jackson a l'època.
He is the best Michael Jackson of the time.
Saps què passa?
Do you know what happens?
No se li nota en res l'edat, tio.
You can't tell his age at all, man.
En res.
In nothing.
És el primer jugador...
He is the first player...
Quan va fer la celebració de la droga porro amb Víctor Ford.
When did the drug celebration with Víctor Ford take place?
Quan ha explicat...
When he/she has explained...
És perquè Víctor Ford va xutar...
It's because Víctor Ford shot...
Després de passar-la i ell em diu...
After passing it, he says to me...
Se l'ha fumado.
He has smoked it.
I rifa...
And raffle...
És que està vacil·lant a Lewandowski.
He is teasing Lewandowski.
Però tu, per exemple...
But you, for example...
Està vacil·lant a Lewandowski, aquest noi, tio.
He is messing with Lewandowski, this guy, man.
Però tu amb 17 anys ja fumaves, també, no passa res.
But you were already smoking at 17, too, it's alright.
I tant, que fumava.
I certainly did smoke.
Bàsicament era la teva activitat principal.
Basically, it was your main activity.
Eres el millor adolescent de la història.
You are the best teenager in history.
El que pel futbol era la minya mal...
What was bad for football was the minya...
Igual havia fumat de la merda que venia el pare de la minya mal.
Maybe he had smoked from the shit that his father brought from the bad mine.
O sigui, ets més gran tu.
So, you are older.
Ets més gran tu que el pare de la minya mal.
You are older than the father of the minya mal.
Sóc més gran que el pare de la minya mal.
I am older than the father of my bad mine.
Té 38 anys, el pare de la minya mal.
He is 38 years old, the father of my daughter.
Ets bastant més gran.
You are much older.
Tu li has venut droga al pare de la minya mal, segurament.
You have sold drugs to the girl's father, probably.
No, jo no.
No, not me.
El meu germà, potser.
My brother, perhaps.
Què?
What?
No.
No.
Hassel Hart és...
Hassel Hart is...
Ah, no, Hassel Hart no.
Ah, no, not Hassel Hart.
El fill de Hassel Hart, que és com jo li dic a la meva partidària...
The son of Hassel Hart, which is how I refer to my supporter...
Lil Hassel Hart?
Lil Hassel Hart?
El fill de Lil Hassel Hart és dels cinc millors jugadors del món actualment.
Lil Hassel Hart's son is one of the five best players in the world currently.
És veritat que jo no sé què està fent Rafael Leao ni Marcus Rashford.
It is true that I don't know what Rafael Leao or Marcus Rashford is doing.
Marcus Rashford em sembla que poca cosa.
Marcus Rashford seems to me like not much.
Però jo crec que segurament...
But I think that surely...
Ni Musiala...
Neither Musiala...
Jo la minya mal no la canvio per cap jugador a pèl.
I wouldn't trade my girlfriend for any naked player.
Això és una bona hot take.
This is a good hot take.
Aquesta seria la meva hot take.
This would be my hot take.
Clar, perquè té una cosa que no té cap altra, que és que l'has fet tu.
Of course, because it has something that no other has, which is that you made it.
Això des de petit, tio.
This since I was a kid, dude.
Fa molta il·lusió.
It's very exciting.
Home, és molt maco.
Man, it's very nice.
Està molt bé.
It's very good.
Aquelles fotos que surten de cobercir la minya mal...
Those photos that show how to cover the bad hole...
I que era Bernal?
And who was Bernal?
Marc Bernal, sí.
Marc Bernal, yes.
Marc Bernal jugant fa dos anys només i semblava molt petit.
Marc Bernal was playing two years ago and seemed very small.
Estaven jugant al Mic fa dos anys.
They were playing at Mic two years ago.
Però fa dos anys.
But two years ago.
Vull dir que surten i dius, és que són nens, no?
I mean that they go out and you say, they are just kids, right?
Però és que ja havia passat la pandèmia.
But the pandemic had already happened.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
A la pandèmia, la minya mal i, per tant, cobercir.
In the pandemic, the mine is bad and, therefore, to cover.
I Marc Bernal tenint 12 anys.
I Marc Bernal being 12 years old.
Hòstia puta.
Holy shit.
A la pandèmia.
To the pandemic.
Hòstia puta.
Holy shit.
És que realment no saben res de la vida, eh?
It's just that they really don't know anything about life, do they?
No, no.
No, no.
I saben més que nosaltres.
And they know more than us.
12 anys tenia, com?
I was 12 years old, how?
Sí, clar.
Yes, of course.
Quan va passar la pandèmia tenia 12 anys.
When the pandemic happened, I was 12 years old.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Estic pensant si podria ser el meu net.
I am thinking if he could be my grandson.
Com?
How?
Sí, com?
Yes, how?
A nivell de semen.
At the level of semen.
Ah, a nivell biològic.
Ah, at a biological level.
No, però per poc, eh?
No, but just barely, huh?
Per poc.
For little.
O sigui, si fem els 15...
So, if we do the 15...
15, 15, 15...
15, 15, 15...
15 són 15, no arriba.
15 is 15, it doesn't add up.
45.
45.
Estàs allà, eh?
Are you there, huh?
Per poc.
For little.
Ja.
Yes.
Seria bo, eh?
It would be good, right?
A tonteria, no?
A nonsense, right?
Sí, és una ton...
Yes, it's a silly...
Quan creieu que deixarem de parlar de l'edat de la minya mal?
When do you think we will stop talking about the age of consent?
Quan en faci, què?
When I do it, what?
22?
22?
Jo amb Messi vaig estar molt de temps.
I spent a lot of time with Messi.
O sigui, Messi quan tenia 25 anys jo encara pensava
So, when Messi was 25 years old, I still thought
el més guapo d'aquest tio és l'edat que té.
The most handsome thing about this guy is his age.
I havia guanyat dos pilotes d'or, segurament.
I had probably won two Ballon d'Or awards.
O més.
Or more.
I quan es va fer gran...
And when she grew up...
Quan es va fer gran, vull dir, quan ha sigut vell...
When he grew old, I mean, when he became elderly...
Per ser futbolista ha guanyat un mundial.
To be a footballer, he has won a World Cup.
Ha seguit parlant de l'edat.
He has continued talking about age.
La minya mal ha guanyat amb 17 anys a ser intitulat a l'Eurocopa, ja.
The youth team has already won the European Championship at the age of 17.
És molt boig.
He is very crazy.
És boig.
He is crazy.
D'acord, jo encara estava pensant
Okay, I was still thinking.
que pots dividir la teva vida, diguéssim, en relació al futbol,
that you can divide your life, let's say, in relation to football,
en l'etapa en què els jugadors poden ser el teu pare,
in the stage where the players can be your father,
després l'etapa en què els jugadors pots ser tu
after the stage in which the players can be you
i després l'etapa en què els jugadors poden ser els teus fills
and then the stage when the players can be your children
i després els teus nets.
and then your grandchildren.
Tu estàs amb fills, ja.
You are already with children.
També pots fer-ho pel pes de...
You can also do it for the weight of...
En què tu...
In what you...
Estàs més prim que alguns jugadors,
You are thinner than some players.
en què tu estàs igual
in what you are the same
i en què tu li estàs dient gordo
and in what you are calling him fat
a un jugador que està més prim que tu.
to a player who is thinner than you.
Molt més prim que tu.
Much thinner than you.
Jo ho he fet amb l'Ui Suárez.
I did it with Ui Suárez.
L'he dit gordo a l'Ui Suárez?
Have I called Ui Suárez fat?
Quan jo era el gordo.
When I was the fat one.
A la conversa, tu...
In the conversation, you...
Al sobrepes el tenies tu.
You had it in the overweight.
Era de baix a dalt, li podies dir.
It was from the bottom to the top, you could tell him.
El sobrepes el tenies tu.
You had the envelope.
No, era dalt perquè ja estava a segona.
No, he was up because he was already in second.
Però, per exemple, el Manel i jo podríem estar en actiu.
But, for example, Manel and I could be active.
Vosaltres dos ja no.
You two no longer.
Jo em considero en actiu.
I consider myself active.
Per edat.
By age.
Podríem estar en actiu jugant a futbol.
We could be active playing football.
Jo no m'he retirat.
I have not withdrawn.
No per condicions, per edat.
Not for conditions, but for age.
L'Evandoski és més gran que nosaltres.
Evandoski is bigger than us.
No, no, però que no ho diu per condicions,
No, no, but it's not saying that for conditions,
ho diu per edat.
He says it by age.
Ah, per edat, sí.
Ah, by age, yes.
Quants anys teniu vosaltres?
How old are you?
Quina, 35?
Which one, 35?
35.
35.
Home, ja esteu...
Home, you are already...
Jo de cap manera.
Not me in any way.
Si més hi jugava...
The more he played...
Si més hi jugava, ja cavalles.
The more he played, the more he lost.
Si l'Evandoski...
If the Evandoski...
Bueno, juguen a aquesta lliga de broma
Well, they are playing in this joke league.
que Riqui Puig fa tots els golaços.
that Riqui Puig scores all the stunning goals.
L'Evandoski, dic.
The Evandoski, I say.
Jo podria ser potser el segon porter molt veterano
I could perhaps be the second very veteran goalkeeper.
d'un equip de...
of a team of...
El tercer del City té quasi la teva edat.
The third one from City is almost your age.
Tercer del City.
Third of the City.
Joel, hi ha entrenadors a primera divisió
Joel, there are coaches in the first division.
que són més joves que tu.
they are younger than you.
Tranquil.
Calm.
Tranquil, xaval.
Calm down, dude.
Què fas, ara?
What are you doing now?
Hi ha entrenadors i hi ha algun porter suplent que...
There are coaches and there is a substitute goalkeeper who...
Ara li diré de flic.
Now I will tell him to cop.
De flic és...
Of cop is...
De flic és gran, eh?
The cop is big, huh?
A la seva cinquantena, de vostè.
At your fiftieth.
No, quasi 60, eh?
No, almost 60, huh?
Ha entrenat poc.
He has trained little.
Està molt bé, eh?
It's very good, isn't it?
L'any que ve fa 60 anys.
Next year marks 60 years.
Aquest cap de setmana...
This weekend...
Jo crec que està a favor
I believe he/she is in favor.
que tanquin fronteres a Alemanya.
that they close borders in Germany.
Sí.
Yes.
No ho sé.
I don't know.
És important que mai ningú li pregunti.
It is important that no one ever asks him.
Que mai coneguem a la persona.
That we never knew the person.
Això és increïble.
This is incredible.
Les opinions...
The opinions...
Som una Alemanya.
We are a Germany.
Es diu Hans Dieter.
His name is Hans Dieter.
Hans Dieter Flick.
Hans Dieter Flick.
Hi ha dues coses...
There are two things...
Hans Dieter.
Hans Dieter.
Hans Dieter Flick.
Hans Dieter Flick.
Què volies dir, Joel?
What did you mean, Joel?
No se'n recorda.
He/She doesn't remember it.
Sí, que aquest cap de setmana
Yes, this weekend.
el Flick, el tio, s'ha anat...
Flick, the guy, is gone...
Això ho sé pel programa que no surti d'aquí.
I know this because of the program that doesn't come out of here.
Bueno, mira.
Well, look.
El Flick s'ha anat a passar el cap de setmana
Flick has gone to spend the weekend.
a llançar a un hotel de tres estrelles.
to throw at a three-star hotel.
I?
Me?
Es veu que s'ha portat increïble
It seems that he/she has behaved incredibly.
amb el personal de l'hotel.
with the hotel staff.
Sí, clar.
Yes, of course.
El tio va voler...
The guy wanted...
Això és el que diuen.
That's what they say.
Això és el que fan.
This is what they do.
Això és el que diuen.
That's what they say.
Això és el que diuen en el programa de Catalunya.
This is what they say in the program from Catalonia.
Ho sabies, tu?
Did you know, you?
Ho sabies, tu, que el Flick havia anat a llançar
Did you know that Flick had gone to throw?
a passar un dia amb les seves calles?
to spend a day with its streets?
No.
No.
Saps què vol?
Do you know what he/she wants?
Sembla que és divorciar,
It seems that it's divorce,
perquè han dit les filles i no han dit la dona.
because they said the daughters and did not say the woman.
És increïble, els catalans,
It's incredible, the Catalans,
quan tenim un crush amb algú,
when we have a crush on someone,
el que ens tornem bojos.
What drives us crazy.
O sigui, m'acabes de dir,
So, you just told me,
s'ha portat de puta mare amb el personal.
She has been fantastic with the staff.
Sí, senyor.
Yes, sir.
No me faltaria.
I wouldn't miss it.
Ha canviat d'ell els llençols o què ha fet?
Has she changed his sheets or what has she done?
No, és que el tio,
No, it’s just that the guy,
igual hi havia una mica de cua al xequín
There was probably a bit of a queue at the check-in.
i el tio, com un pepe,
and the guy, like a pepe,
no se li van caure els anells per fer la cua.
He didn't lose his rings while waiting in line.
Una persona.
A person.
I no va tirar els diners a terra.
And did not throw the money on the ground.
No, perquè el recol·lis...
No, because you collect it...
O sigui, es va portar com una persona.
In other words, he/she behaved like a person.
Sí, he vist-hi a porros.
Yes, I have seen them at joints.
Però, insisteixo, tres estrelles.
But, I insist, three stars.
Tres.
Three.
Sí, però a llançar tres estrelles, alerta, eh?
Yes, but only to throw three stars, watch out, okay?
Sí.
Yes.
Alerta tres estrelles.
Alert three stars.
Hi havia els pescadors.
There were the fishermen.
No, i perquè els protestants tenen això de no...
No, and why do the Protestants have this thing of not...
I tu què saps?
And what do you know?
És protestant, home.
He is Protestant, man.
Clar que és protestant.
Of course he is Protestant.
Va, va, escolta, el partit d'ahir...
Come on, come on, listen, yesterday's match...
La cultura de protestant.
The culture of protestant.
Seguim...
Let's continue...
No, com es diu això?
No, what is this called?
No ho parlem tant.
Let's not talk about it so much.
La étnica protestante y el espíritu del capitalismo.
The Protestant ethic and the spirit of capitalism.
Max Weber.
Max Weber.
Seguim un moment amb el partit d'ahir,
Let's continue for a moment with yesterday's match,
perquè ahir es va anul·lar un penal
because a penalty was canceled yesterday
que es havia xiulat,
that had been whistled,
o sigui, es havia xiulat a favor del Girona.
In other words, it had been whistled in favor of Girona.
A mi em semblava en mans,
It seemed to me in hands,
o sigui, a mi des de quan hi va haver la repetició
So, when did the repetition happen for me?
vaig dir mans claríssimes.
I said very clear hands.
Ter Stegen sí que és veritat que va començar a perdre temps
It's true that Ter Stegen started to waste time.
per aviam si revisaven aquesta acció,
let's see if they reviewed this action,
cosa que molt bé Ter Stegen.
thing that Ter Stegen did very well.
Molt bé Ter Stegen.
Very good Ter Stegen.
I llavors...
And then...
La picaràs cap àvora, no?
You'll pick it up, won't you?
I llavors...
And then...
La picaràs cap a vora, van a veure...
You'll whip it to the side, they'll see...
Què és?
What is it?
Un altre cos.
Another thing.
Saxó.
Saxon.
Van a veure l'àrbitre i ho van anul·lar
They went to see the referee and it was canceled.
perquè li venia rebutat d'un jugador seu.
because it was rejected by one of his players.
Aquesta norma la sabíeu?
Did you know this rule?
No.
No.
Cada setmana hi ha una norma
Every week there is a rule.
que tothom diu no,
that everyone says no,
perquè si la mà està caient, recolzant...
because if the hand is falling, supporting...
Per mi el simbòlia és com el típic joc de taula
For me, the symbolism is like a typical board game.
que porta el teu amic posant el joc de taula.
What does your friend bring while playing the board game?
Exacte.
Exact.
Que tu jugues,
That you play,
però que a mi el jugat diu
but what the game says to me
doncs mira, això que havies entès així va exactament al control
So look, what you understood like this goes exactly to the control.
i dic posa'n.
I say put it.
Endavant.
Go ahead.
Més i molt el que digui
More and very much what it says.
arroba arxivosbar al Twitter.
@arxivosbar on Twitter.
Em suda la polla arxivosbar.
I'm sweating my balls off, arxivosbar.
Quan t'afavoreix és més fàcil.
When it benefits you, it's easier.
Sí, però jo no aspiro a entendre la normativa
Yes, but I don't aspire to understand the regulations.
perquè t'esporta el qual he dedicat els millors anys a la meva vida.
because it takes you to which I have dedicated the best years of my life.
Tu aspires o que no aspires?
Do you aspire or do you not aspire?
En aquest cas concret
In this specific case.
és bastant difícil, bastant fàcil, perdó, d'entendre.
it's quite difficult, quite easy, sorry, to understand.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
És simplement que...
It's simply that...
La qüestió no és que sigui fàcil o difícil,
The question is not whether it is easy or difficult,
sinó que ha canviat això.
but that has changed.
Clar.
Of course.
Sí, això ha canviat.
Yes, that has changed.
Això era penal.
That was a penalty.
Però en aquest cas,
But in this case,
és molt poc subjectiu.
It is very little subjective.
És a dir,
That is to say,
si les mans provienen d'un rechazo del jugador del mateix equip,
if the hands come from a rejection by a player of the same team,
no et penalti.
don't penalize yourself.
Però això no ho sabíem.
But we didn't know that.
Molt fàcil.
Very easy.
Però això no ho sabíem, Joel.
But we didn't know that, Joel.
Que per què es canvia?
Why is it changing?
Per què es canvia cada temporada?
Why does it change every season?
Tu saps...
You know...
O sigui, per què no s'avisa?
So, why isn’t it announced?
Perquè el nom de l'empresa es coneix com a Continuous Improvement,
Because the company's name is known as Continuous Improvement,
que vol dir intentar cada dia ser millor.
what it means to try to be better every day.
Ser millor i tal.
Be better and such.
Ja, però això li és molt...
Yes, but this is very...
No descansen.
They do not rest.
Si les normatives no canvien, no hi hauria sessió.
If the regulations do not change, there would be no session.
Els jugadors li podrien passar al porter.
The players could pass to the goalkeeper.
Sí, però això...
Yes, but this...
Ah, molt ben dit.
Ah, very well said.
Bueno, aquesta gent ho fan amb la intenció de millorar el futbol.
Well, these people do it with the intention of improving football.
Per mi, menys penals milloren el futbol.
For me, fewer penalties improve football.
Moment, Andreu,
Just a moment, Andreu,
et pregunto tu ara,
I ask you now,
com a tertulià improvisat,
as an improvised participant,
quines intencions creus que hi ha darrere d'aquest canvi de normativa
What intentions do you think lie behind this change in regulations?
si no és el que diu el Manel?
Isn't it what Manel says?
Què creus que pot haver?
What do you think it could be?
Creus que hi ha una mano negra?
Do you think there is a black hand?
És que no, m'ha de tonterir.
It's just that, no, it has to make me silly.
Jo crec que hi hagi...
I believe that there is...
O sigui, jo crec que és perquè les mans,
So, I think it's because of the hands,
no totes les mans siguin penals.
not all hands are criminal.
Llavors han començat a fer això,
Then they have started doing this,
que per mi hauria de ser totes les mans desenganxades del cos,
that for me should be all the hands detached from the body,
per mi han de ser penals.
For me, they have to be penalties.
Doncs no.
Well no.
Ja, doncs per mi sí.
Yes, then for me yes.
Us passa això que teniu amics que juguen a jocs de taula
Do you have friends who play board games?
que diuen, ara ets una granota i si surt no sé què al tau,
they say, now you are a frog and if something comes out on the table,
estàs a l'espai.
you are in space.
Jo tinc gent normal d'amics.
I have normal friends.
Hòstia, és que és increïble.
Damn, it's just incredible.
Has de tenir imaginació per jugar als jocs de taula.
You need to have imagination to play board games.
I de rol has de tenir...
And as a role, you have to have...
Per jugar a jocs de rol...
To play role-playing games...
El viajero és el tren, heu jugat?
The traveler is the train, have you played?
Joel, va, un moment.
Joel, wait a moment.
El viajero és el tren.
The traveler is the train.
No, però m'interessa.
No, but I'm interested.
Has de fer rutes.
You have to make routes.
L'únic joc de taula al que jugo és menjar.
The only board game I play is eating.
Sempre té la...
She always has the...
Andreu, perdona'm una cosa.
Andreu, forgive me for one thing.
M'estaves parlant.
You were talking to me.
No, és millor.
No, it’s better.
Hem anat a millor.
We have gone better.
Perquè, insisteixo,
Because, I insist,
si un defensa t'espeja amb el cap o amb el peu
if a defender tackles you with the head or with the foot
i allò li toca la mà a un altre tio del seu equip
and that touches the hand of another guy from his team
i aquella mà no és voluntària,
and that hand is not voluntary,
ja em diràs tu per què ha de ser penal això.
You tell me why this has to be a crime.
És absurdíssim, no?
It's absurd, isn't it?
Per tant, hem millorat en aquest aspecte.
Therefore, we have improved in this aspect.
Una cosa en la que no s'ha millorat
One thing that has not improved.
és que si tu tens la mà recolzada per no caure i et toca,
it's just that if you have your hand resting to avoid falling and it touches you,
això està bé,
this is good,
però no sé quin partit va ser
but I don't know which match it was
que hi va haver un jugador
that there was a player
que va estar...
that was...
No ho sé.
I don't know.
El que està fent com...
What he is doing as...
Sí, el gosset.
Yes, the puppy.
Bueno, he fet la trampa i sempre hi ha la picaresca.
Well, I cheated and there is always a bit of cunning.
Estic entenent que ara estàs anant una miqueta
I am understanding that now you are going a little bit.
amb la normativa a favor dels àrbitres
with the regulations in favor of the referees
i del comitè d'àrbitres.
and of the arbitration committee.
Sí, perquè l'esport és una cosa viva, no?
Yes, because sport is a living thing, right?
I això, per exemple...
And this, for example...
Però això, per exemple,
But this, for example,
aquestes mans
these hands
ens passen contra el Madrid
they score against Madrid
o a favor del Madrid
or in favor of Madrid
i potser l'opinió és diferent.
And perhaps the opinion is different.
Però, escolta, si està en el reglament
But listen, if it's in the regulations
escrit ben clar,
written very clearly,
jo no tinc cap...
I don’t have any...
Per mi el problema que estic aquí
For me, the problem is that I am here.
és que cada temporada
it's that every season
les mans siguin de manera diferent
the hands are in a different way
i crec que els jugadors ja no saben
I think the players don't know anymore.
quants són mans.
how many are hands.
Has de fluir.
You have to flow.
Els jugadors que intentin no fer mans
The players who try not to use their hands.
i llavors el partit ja ens entendrà.
And then the party will understand us.
Però, per exemple, l'Iñigo Martínez ja salta...
But, for example, Iñigo Martínez already jumps...
Bueno, l'Iñigo Martínez...
Well, Iñigo Martínez...
No us agrada?
Don't you like it?
Fa pinta de fumar molt de tabac.
He looks like he smokes a lot of tobacco.
Sí, que fumar bastant.
Yes, I smoke quite a bit.
Iñigo Martínez és el típic jugador
Iñigo Martínez is the typical player.
que te la passa xutant
that you pass it by kicking
perquè sembli que és culpativa.
so that it seems to be guilt-inducing.
Amb mal control.
With poor control.
T'has de controlar quan és ell
You have to control yourself when it is him.
que no lo sap passar.
that it cannot handle.
És mal company.
He is a bad companion.
Sí que té bon peu.
Yes, he/she does have a good foot.
És l'únic que té.
It's the only thing he/she has.
Té bon peu en comparació...
He has a good foot in comparison...
Si tu poses un típic de futbol
If you put up a typical football.
de paralítics...
of paralytics...
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Té millor peu.
He has a better foot.
Però és dels pitjors peus
But it is one of the worst feet.
del Barça.
of Barça.
Però s'està veient beneficiat per una cosa
But he is benefiting from one thing.
que està passant amb el Barça de Flick
What's happening with Flick's Barça?
i és que, a diferència del Barça de Xavi,
and it is that, unlike Xavi's Barça,
la defensa del Barça no...
the defense of Barça does not...
De moment, no passa
For the moment, nothing is happening.
massa apuros.
too many troubles.
Rebem sempre camp contrari
We always receive the opposing field.
i la defensa realment
and the defense really
és que no està sent gaire exigida.
It's just that it is not being very demanding.
O sigui, podria estar jugant Iñigo Martínez
So, Iñigo Martínez could be playing.
o podria estar jugant el Manel.
Or Manel could be playing.
No és veritat.
It is not true.
Segurament, si no jugués Iñigo Martínez,
Surely, if Iñigo Martínez didn't play,
el Barça no jugaria així.
Barça wouldn't play like this.
Però tu recordes que justament
But you remember that precisely
et tirava la defensa bastant enrere.
it was pulling the defense quite back.
Sí, és que el defensa ve dintre l'àrea.
Yes, it's that the defender comes inside the area.
Perquè és més lent que el cavall o el malo.
Because it is slower than the horse or the bad one.
Però ara està jugant al migdia.
But now he/she is playing at noon.
Però tenim cobert, sí.
But we have it covered, yes.
Això quan estigui ara.
This when it is now.
Ara el Araujo serà increïble.
Now Araujo will be amazing.
Tu trobes a faltar Araujo?
Do you miss Araujo?
Jo ja que el tenim.
I already have it.
Jo me l'hauria venut, però ja que el tenim, jo...
I would have sold it, but since we have it, I...
De la gent que falta, a qui trobeu a faltar més?
Of the people who are missing, who do you miss the most?
Araujo i Gavi.
Araujo and Gavi.
Jo Gavi molt més que Araujo.
I like Gavi much more than Araujo.
I ara hi ha Olmo, que també falta.
And now there is Olmo, who is also missing.
Aquesta és la pregunta que faig.
This is the question I am asking.
En aquest equip, que juga tan bé
In this team, which plays so well
i que vam guanyar ahir o a quatre
And we won yesterday or at four.
al camp del Girona, hi falta
at Girona's field, it is lacking
Dejon, Gavi, Fermín, Araujo.
Dejon, Gavi, Fermín, Araujo.
Fiquem aquests quatre com els que...
Let's put these four like those who...
I ara Olmo.
And now Olmo.
No, però dic l'equip d'ahir.
No, but I mean the team from yesterday.
Llavors, d'aquests quatre, ara mateix,
Then, of these four, right now,
quin d'aquests quatre seria titular indiscutible
Which of these four would be an undisputed starter?
i a qui trauríeu?
And who would you take out?
Entenc que Iñigo Martínez per Araujo, esteu dient?
I understand that you are saying Iñigo Martínez for Araujo?
Jo ho provaria a poc a poc,
I would try it slowly.
però tampoc n'ho tinc clar, realment.
but I’m not really sure about it either.
Indiscutible, és a dir, aquests quatre, un d'aquests...
Indisputable, that is to say, these four, one of these...
Depèn de com torni Gavi, és Gavi.
It depends on how Gavi returns, it's Gavi.
Per qui?
For whom?
És que Rafinha està molt bé, però...
It's just that Rafinha is doing very well, but...
I després, en lloc de Rafinha, qui fiques?
And then, instead of Rafinha, who do you put in?
Gavi.
Gavi.
És que potser no hem de pensar en on titular allò...
Is it that perhaps we shouldn't think about where to label that...
Sí, però els jugadors volen jugar, eh?
Yes, but the players want to play, right?
Fa dues setmanes van dir...
Two weeks ago they said...
Els equips!
The teams!
Té, anem un 11, que tu recordes...
Come on, let's go, you remember...
Rifer, Ramallet,
Rifer, Ramallet
Cubada, no sé què...
Cubed, I don’t know what...
Fes d'Armorera i Manxell...
Act as Armorera and Manxell...
I ara és que jo fa dues setmanes...
And now it is that I two weeks ago...
Seu aquí!
Sit here!
Però no me'n recordo, jo.
But I don't remember, I.
No, ja ho sé, que no tornaves, per això he vingut jo.
No, I know that you weren't coming back, that's why I came.
A mi m'agraden els 11 reconeixibles.
I like the 11 recognizable ones.
Per què estàs fent la secció amb una pàgina internet
Why are you doing the section with a website?
que és Marlisa Pereaude?
What is Marlisa Pereaude?
Perquè estàvem mirant un tema de l'Andreu...
Because we were looking at a topic related to Andreu...
No m'ho veig, ho he dit.
I don't see it, I've said it.
Ja està.
It's done.
Joel, ràpidament, d'aquests quatre que he dit...
Joel, quickly, out of these four that I mentioned...
Ràpidament o no?
Quickly or not?
Hi ha algun titular indiscutible d'aquests quatre
Is there any undisputed headline among these four?
que tu diguis que t'ha d'entrar perquè sí?
that you say it has to come in for no reason?
Titular indiscutible? No, perquè...
Undisputed starter? No, because...
Ara mateix, titular indiscutible al Barça,
Right now, undisputed starter at Barça,
aquí hi ha Lewandowski...
here is Lewandowski...
Ter Stegen...
Ter Stegen...
Vaig a dir qui són els titulars indiscutibles.
I am going to say who the undisputed starters are.
Lewandowski, Ter Stegen, Kovarzy, Valde,
Lewandowski, Ter Stegen, Kovarzy, Valde,
Cundé, n'hi ha molts.
Cundé, there are many.
No, és un titular indiscutible.
No, it's an indisputable headline.
Qui és el suplent de Valde?
Who is Valde's substitute?
Qui el discuteix?
Who disputes it?
Bueno, no, l'Héctor, no.
Well, no, Héctor, no.
És Gerard Martín, el suplent.
It's Gerard Martín, the substitute.
Encara no el sé reconèixer.
I still can't recognize him.
Em el trobo pel carrer, no...
I meet him on the street, no...
Et reconeix, ell, a tu?
Does he recognize you?
Doncs potser la Valde.
Well, perhaps Valde.
Podria ser.
It could be.
Bueno, jo sóc joventia, també.
Well, I am youth too.
Sí, sí, ja sabem qui ets.
Yes, yes, we already know who you are.
I aquest Alejandro Martín, doncs...
And this Alejandro Martín, then...
No, per què diu Alejandro?
No, why does he say Alejandro?
Aquest nano es trenca ara els creuats i què?
This kid is breaking his crosses now, so what?
I a vendre...
And for sale...
A estudiar INF, corrents.
To study INF, currents.
Corrents, a estudiar INF.
Running, to study INF.
A estudiar CAFE.
To study CAFE.
CAFE.
COFFEE.
N'hi ha molts titulars indiscutibles, Joel, al Barça.
There are many undisputed starters, Joel, at Barça.
Pedri? Pedri és indiscutible?
Pedri? Is Pedri indisputable?
I tant.
I certainly.
Estan com estan?
How are they?
I Casador és indiscutible?
Is Casador undisputed?
No.
No.
No, per tant...
No, therefore...
No estem parlant de Casador.
We are not talking about Casador.
És que abans l'has preguntat a Magí
You asked Magí before.
que era el millor del partit aquest
what was the best part of this game
i és Marc Casador.
And it is Marc Casador.
Aquest tio és bo jugant a futbol.
This guy is good at playing football.
És increïble que sigui bo jugant a futbol.
It's incredible that he/she is good at playing football.
És pràctic.
It is practical.
Per què són tots bons?
Why are they all good?
No té cap sentit.
It makes no sense.
Sí que té sentit.
It does make sense.
Però tu creus que és bo...
But do you think it's good...
És una mica gran pel meu gust, per aquest Barça.
It's a bit big for my taste, for this Barça.
Aquest ja és una mica veterano.
This one is already a bit of a veteran.
Però llavors la pregunta hauria de ser, en general,
But then the question should be, in general,
per què, en general, els esports, en general,
why, in general, sports, in general,
cada vegada la gent triomfa abans.
People succeed faster every time.
No l'he sentit.
I haven't heard it.
És que això està passant a tots els esports.
This is happening in all sports.
Això està passant a tots els esports.
This is happening in all sports.
Jo no en tinc ni idea de per què.
I have no idea why.
A tots els esports, no.
Not all sports.
A la natació està passant.
In swimming it is happening.
Però tu agafes...
But you take...
Al tenis està passant.
In tennis, it's happening.
Al futbol, a la NBA...
In football, in the NBA...
Si agafem el tenis que tenim avui un senyor de l'ATP...
If we take the tennis we have today, a gentleman from the ATP...
Jo li preguntaré.
I will ask him/her.
Djokovic, Federer i Nadal han guanyat fins als 70 anys.
Djokovic, Federer, and Nadal have won up to 70 years.
Sí.
Yes.
I què?
And what?
Doncs que els joves no estaven guanyant gens.
Well, the young people were not earning anything.
Jo t'estic dient que la gent arriba a l'elit top
I am telling you that people reach the top elite.
abans, ara, en els esports.
before, now, in sports.
Que sí, Andreu, hòstia, que sí.
Yes, Andreu, damn it, yes.
Pot ser, per què?
Maybe, why?
Qui és el que ha arribat molt abans que Rafa Nadal?
Who is it that arrived much earlier than Rafa Nadal?
Doncs l'Alcaraz.
So Alcaraz.
Quants anys va guanyar Roland Garros, Rafa Nadal?
How many years did Rafa Nadal win Roland Garros?
Rafa Nadal també l'han anat a comparar justament
Rafa Nadal has also been compared to him.
amb un que també explota molt d'hora, eh, subnormal.
with one that also explodes very early, huh, stupid.
No, és un normal, això.
No, it's a normal thing.
Ah, no? A quan exploten els tenistes?
Oh, really? When do tennis players explode?
Tranquil, tranquil. A la NBA...
Calm down, calm down. In the NBA...
Mira, hòstia, no m'ho discuteixis.
Look, damn it, don't argue with me about it.
Jo prefereixo no parlar-ne que discutir-ne.
I prefer not to talk about it than to argue about it.
Jo no ho tinc clar, eh, tampoc.
I don't have it clear either, you know.
Hòstia, però què és això, tio?
Damn, what is this, man?
És que no ho tinc clar.
It's just that I don't have it clear.
Perquè físicament estàs platòric, tu, la veritat.
Because physically you are platonic, you, the truth.
I si et saben...
And if they know you...
Gràcies.
Thank you.
No, i si et saben...
No, and if they know you...
Gràcies.
Thank you.
Si et saben ensenyar abans...
If they know how to teach you before...
Si et saben ensenyar abans
If they know how to teach you before.
el mateix que tu aprendries en 25,
the same that you would learn in 25,
si ja ho saps en 18,
if you already know it in 18,
físicament estàs més bé en 18.
Physically, you are better at 18.
Gràcies. No, gràcies no, és un normal.
Thank you. No, thank you, it's a normal one.
T'estic donant una explicació.
I am giving you an explanation.
Per això! Però tu no em negues la major.
That's right! But you're not denying the main thing to me.
Per lo menys em dones una explicació.
At least you give me an explanation.
La resta m'estava negant la major.
The rest was denying me the majority.
Jo encara te la nego.
I still deny it to you.
Passem dels joves al gran,
Let's move from the young to the great,
que és Lewandowski.
what is Lewandowski.
Lewandowski, l'any passat...
Lewandowski, last year...
Lewandowski...
Lewandowski...
Lewandowski dorm amb balsamada,
Lewandowski sleeps with balsam.
és ara mateix...
it's right now...
Fa coses rares, ja, per...
It does strange things, yes, for...
La foto aquella de la setmaneta dels 100 partits
That photo from the week of the 100 matches.
envoltat de nens.
surrounded by children.
Un monitor d'esplèndid.
A splendid monitor.
L'arròs dels vents.
The rice of the winds.
L'arròs dels vents amb Lewandowski.
The rice of the winds with Lewandowski.
L'hi hem comprat.
We have bought it for him/her.
Un regal al proper final de curs.
A gift at the end of the next term.
Entre tots.
Together.
O sigui, ara, perquè es va debatre molt
So, now, because it was widely debated
pel que cobraria aquest últim any,
for what he would earn this last year,
que és l'any que cobrava més...
what is the year I earned the most...
L'any que ve, encara.
Next year, still.
Sí, encara hi ha l'any que ve.
Yes, there is still next year.
36.
36.
Ara mateix Lewandowski està donant el rendiment
Right now Lewandowski is delivering the performance.
que se li esperava,
that was expected of him/her,
a Lewandowski.
to Lewandowski.
Què, t'ha aixafat?
What, has it crushed you?
A callar amb Lewandowski, no?
Let's be quiet with Lewandowski, right?
T'ha tancat la boca, eh?
You’ve been silenced, huh?
Un davanter centro.
A center forward.
Què se li demana?
What is being asked of him/her?
Gols.
Goals.
I què està fent?
And what is he/she doing?
Que jugui pel centro.
Let him play in the center.
A on no fa gols?
Where does he not score goals?
Doncs ja està.
Well, that's it.
Sí, sí, a mi m'ha callat la boca.
Yes, yes, it shut me up.
A tu t'ha callat la boca, eh?
You got your mouth shut, huh?
Sí.
Yes.
T'ha callat la boca Lewandowski, eh?
Lewandowski has shut you up, huh?
Sí, eh?
Yes, huh?
Molt bé.
Very well.
T'he de dir que dels que estan jugant bé,
I have to tell you that of those who are playing well,
si tu em dius d'aquí un temps
if you tell me in some time
qui et fa patir que no estigui tan bé com està ara,
who makes you suffer that you are not as well as you are now,
Lewandowski és el primer.
Lewandowski is the first.
Dorma la càpsula aquella...
Sleep the capsule that...
La càpsula hot take té via, no molt clar.
The hot take capsule has a path, not very clear.
Jo crec que Frenkie de Jong pot jugar bé amb Hansi Flick al Barça.
I believe that Frenkie de Jong can play well with Hansi Flick at Barça.
No, no, no, tinc curiositat, tinc curiositat.
No, no, no, I'm curious, I'm curious.
Jo no ho descarto.
I don't rule it out.
No ho sé.
I don't know.
I ara us ho faig.
And now I’ll do it for you.
Creus que Dembélé hauria sigut bon jugador?
Do you think Dembélé would have been a good player?
No, crec que Dembélé és impossible.
No, I think Dembélé is impossible.
Vam estar apostant molt.
We were betting a lot.
Perquè Dembélé no té la capacitat d'aprendre.
Because Dembélé does not have the capacity to learn.
Però és que de Jong potser el problema
But is it that de Jong might be the problem?
és que ningú li ha ensenyat res des de que es va trobar.
It's just that no one has taught him anything since he was found.
O sigui, creieu ara mateix que Hansi Flick...
So, do you believe right now that Hansi Flick...
És que veiem si ens estem...
It's just that we see if we are...
O el de Jong és com el...
Or de Jong is like the...
Com es diu l'helicòpter, el que era...
What is the name of the helicopter, the one that was...
Kobe Bryant.
Kobe Bryant.
Noi!
Boy!
El de l'helicòpter?
The one with the helicopter?
El que va avalar el Barça...
What backed Barça...
José Lías.
José Lías.
El de l'helicòpter.
The one with the helicopter.
Que ens va dir que els primers anys
That told us that the first years
ell parlava només amb gallines
he only spoke with chickens
i llavors es comunicava amb el llenguatge de les gallines.
And then he communicated with the language of the hens.
Coc, coc, coc.
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
Amb ell no li havien ensenyat.
They had not taught him.
Potser Frenkie de Jong a nivell futbolístic només sap gallina.
Maybe Frenkie de Jong only knows "chicken" at a football level.
Home, tio, ha estat a la...
Dude, it's been at the...
Ell ve de la...
He comes from the...
De la pedrera de l'Àgex, no?
From the Àgex quarry, right?
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
I que en principi...
And that in principle...
Bueno, per un moment.
Well, for a moment.
Per tant, creieu que Hansi Flick és un entrenador
So, do you think Hansi Flick is a coach?
que fa bons a tots els jugadors?
What makes all the players good?
Ara mateix sí.
Right now yes.
Ara mateix m'ho sembla.
Right now it seems so to me.
Ara mateix sí.
Right now, yes.
És més important saber de futbolista que de futbol, eh?
It's more important to know about the footballer than about football, right?
O ens estem flipant.
Either we're going crazy.
Això és bo, realment.
This is good, really.
Jo no sé què va dir el Paldano, crec, o un d'aquests.
I don’t know what Paldano said, I think, or one of those.
Sabeu de futbolista que de futbolista?
Do you know more about a footballer than about a footballer?
És més important saber de futbolista que de futbol.
It is more important to know about the footballer than about football.
Això és veritat, eh?
This is true, huh?
Això és veritat.
This is true.
Quina psicologia té el tio.
What psychology does the guy have?
L'altre dia va fer un xiste, ja, eh?
The other day he made a joke, right?
Hansi Flick, és veritat.
Hansi Flick, it is true.
Sí, el del Pedri.
Yes, the one about Pedri.
I es va baixar.
And he/she got down.
Però va haver de riure.
But she had to laugh.
Es va tirar amb el xiste en marxa.
He jumped with the joke in motion.
Encara no l'havia acabat.
I still hadn't finished it.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Ets a joc, ets a joc.
You are in the game, you are in the game.
Un tio que va al motel de tres estrelles, tio.
A guy who goes to a three-star motel, dude.
Joel, però això de les tres estrelles...
Joel, but this thing about the three stars...
Impressionant.
Impressive.
Per què?
Why?
T'havia d'esmorzar la puta merda aquella que et posen, saps?
I had to have breakfast that fucking shit they put on you, you know?
Mantega i melmelada.
Butter and jam.
Sí, mantega i melmelada.
Yes, butter and jam.
Ensaïmada i croissantet.
Ensaimada and little croissant.
Com de terrina individual.
Like an individual terrine.
No deu gaudir dels plaers terrenals.
He must not enjoy earthly pleasures.
Tu creus que fa el que d'esmorzar molt
Do you think he/she has breakfast a lot?
és pujar a l'habitació a cagar i seguir esmorzant?
Is it going up to the room to take a dump and continue having breakfast?
Això ho fas tu?
Do you do this?
Jo faig dolç, pujo a cagar i baixo a fer el salat.
I make sweet, go up to take a dump, and come down to do the salty.
De veritat?
Really?
Coder, si ho he fet amb tu, segur.
Coder, if I did it with you, for sure.
A tots els hotels que feia esmorzar faig això.
I do this to all the hotels where I have breakfast.
Jo faig això...
I do this...
És el meu mode d'operandis.
It is my way of operating.
Baixo, dolç, cafè, pum, puges i després ja pots un...
I go down, sweet, coffee, boom, you go up and then you can do a...
L'ha embotit, el formatge...
He has stuffed it, the cheese...
Jo faig dolç, pujo, cago, baixo, faig el salat i pujo i em menjo la merda.
I make sweet, go up, shit, go down, make the salty and go up and eat the shit.
Així.
So.
Bé, tot queda a casa.
Well, everything stays in the family.
T'ho aprofito més.
I make better use of it.
Molt bé, Magí.
Very good, Magí.
Dijous, que comença la Champions.
Thursday, the Champions League begins.
Torna la Champions.
The Champions are back.
És un nou format.
It's a new format.
Vaig a mirar la plantilla.
I'm going to look at the template.
No, és que anem fora de temps i de tertúlia,
No, it's just that we're off schedule and out of the discussion.
però vull parlar de la Champions.
but I want to talk about the Champions.
Jugarà dimarts, dimecres i dijous.
He will play on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
Més futbol, així que és una cosa que en principi...
More football, so it is something that in principle...
Els dijous pot ser que no sigui gaire...
Thursdays may not be very...
No, fins als vuitens, suposo.
No, until the eighth, I suppose.
És tota la lligada?
Is it all tied up?
Són 32 equips, per la gent que ens estigui escoltant...
There are 32 teams, for those who are listening to us...
No conec ni un jugador.
I don't know a single player.
I no sàpiga com va.
And I don’t know how it goes.
Vale.
Okay.
32 equips.
32 teams.
Els vuit primers es qualifiquen per vuitens de final directament.
The top eight qualify directly for the round of 16.
Sí.
Yes.
Del 9è al 24è disputen una eliminatòria anada i tornada
From the 9th to the 24th, they compete in a two-legged knockout round.
per classificar-se pels vuitens de final,
to qualify for the round of 16,
per jugar contra els vuit que ja s'han classificat primers.
to play against the eight that have already qualified in first place.
Amb el factor camp a favor del 9è al 17è.
With the home advantage from the 9th to the 17th.
Sí, correcte.
Yes, correct.
Evidentment, no tots juguen contra tots,
Obviously, not everyone plays against everyone.
sinó que es van dividir els 32 equips en quatre bombos
but the 32 teams were divided into four pots
i tothom juga contra dos equips de cada bombo,
and everyone plays against two teams from each pot,
una a casa i una fora de cada bombo.
one at home and one outside of each drum.
Llavors, al Barça li ha tocat.
Then, it has fallen to Barça.
Del bombo...
From the drum...
Única a casa, Borussia Dortmund a fora.
Unique at home, Borussia Dortmund away.
Del bombo 2, Benfica a fora, Atalanta a casa.
From bowl 2, Benfica out, Atalanta at home.
Del bombo 3, Jaung Boys a casa i Estrella Roja a fora.
From pot 3, Young Boys at home and Red Star away.
Jaung Boys, mola, eh?
Jaung Boys, cool, huh?
I del bombo 4, el Monaco a fora, que és aquest dijous.
And from drum 4, Monaco is out, which is this Thursday.
I el Brest a casa.
And Brest at home.
Hem de quedar entre els vuit primers?
Do we have to finish in the top eight?
És molt difícil que perdem cap partit de mai més.
It's very unlikely that we will lose any more matches.
No, Manel, va, va.
No, Manel, come on.
No, no, no, Manel, hòstia.
No, no, no, Manel, damn it.
Si no em puc il·lusionar...
If I can't get excited...
Em sembla molt bé.
I think it's very good.
Quin equip ens fa por, d'aquests?
Which team scares us, among these?
Bayer de Múnich, segur.
Bayern Munich, for sure.
Bayer de Múnich?
Bayern Munich?
Però fliquineta tindrà l'Antitoto.
But fliquineta will have the Antitoto.
Qui és l'entrenador de Bayer de Múnich, Joel?
Who is the coach of Bayern Munich, Joel?
Contra la picadura de la cobra bàbara.
Against the bite of the black mamba.
Qui és l'entrenador de Bayer de Múnich?
Who is the coach of Bayern Munich?
Ara mateix?
Right now?
No, no, pregunta-m'ho.
No, no, ask me.
Qui és l'entrenador de Bayer de Múnich?
Who is the coach of Bayern Munich?
Bos Banger.
Bos Banger.
Tuchel.
Tuchel.
No, qui és?
No, who is it?
No ho sé, no ho sé.
I don't know, I don't know.
Qui és l'entrenador de Bayer de Múnich?
Who is the coach of Bayern Munich?
El company.
The companion.
El company?
The partner?
En sèrio?
Seriously?
Hòstia, quines voltes dona la vida, tu.
Wow, how life turns, man.
Hòstia.
Holy shit.
Bueno, i...
Well, and...
Bueno, és un disciple de Guarriola.
Well, he is a disciple of Guarriola.
Com és dit?
What is it called?
Guarriola, l'he dit a vegades.
Guarriola, I have said it sometimes.
Per faltar-li una mica el respecte.
For lacking him a bit of respect.
A la plantilla del Monaco no hi ha ni un sol jugador
There is not a single player in the Monaco squad.
que mínimament et pugui sonar.
that might ring a bell.
I he trobat un...
I have found a...
Es va guanyar 0-3.
They won 0-3.
Que es diu Alexander Golovini.
His name is Alexander Golovini.
D'aquest em sona, però és que em sona del tonto el cul aquell de...
This sounds familiar to me, but it's because it sounds like that idiot...
De l'Institut Ostromo, no sé què.
From the Ostromo Institute, I don't know what.
Es diu exactament igual.
It is said exactly the same.
Es diu igual.
It's called the same.
Escolta'm, el Monaco no s'ha guanyat 0-3 el Gamper?
Listen to me, didn't Monaco win 0-3 against Gamper?
Sí, però bueno...
Yes, but well...
Diu Gamper.
Says Gamper.
El Gamper de Flick.
The Flick's Gamper.
Fa un mes, sí.
A month ago, yes.
Gamper de Flick.
Flick's Gamper.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
És que en aquell moment, el Flick...
It's just that at that moment, Flick...
És que saps què em dona la sensació, també?
Do you know what it makes me feel, too?
Què?
What?
Que el Flick ha arribat i ja coneixia...
That the Flick has arrived and already knew...
Havia mirat partits del Barça.
I had watched Barça matches.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
Inclús dels juvenils.
Even from the youth teams.
És que és el que deies tu.
It's what you were saying.
Corrante, tu.
Running, you.
Em sorprèn molt que sigui un professional,
I am very surprised that he is a professional,
que en principi hauria de ser el mínim que t'esperes.
that should in principle be the minimum you expect.
És que venim de...
It's just that we come from...
Venim de Xavier.
We come from Xavier.
Venim de Benint.
We come from Benint.
Venim de Xavier.
We come from Xavier.
Com creieu que es deu estar ara?
How do you think it must be now?
Ara anirem a la secció del Monaco.
Now we will go to the Monaco section.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Ara m'hi dirigiré.
Now I will head there.
Sí, sí, per això.
Yes, yes, for that.
Home, a través de David Bernabéu ja ha expressat el seu malestar, no?
Home, through David Bernabéu, has already expressed his discomfort, hasn't he?
Amb les declaracions de Pedri...
With Pedri's statements...
Sí, en general.
Yes, in general.
Ell creu que és una campanya contrasiva.
He believes it is a controversial campaign.
Però tu, però tu...
But you, but you...
Però quin monbius, tio!
But what a monbius, dude!
O sigui, quina necessitat té la gent del Barça ara
So, what does the Barça fans need now?
de fer una campanya contrasiva?
to run a counter-campaign?
No!
No!
T'estàs calant.
You are getting wet.
És un malentrenador?
Is he a bad coach?
Jo ara ho desenvoluparé una mica més.
I will now elaborate on this a bit more.
Crec que és menys malentrenador del que ens va semblar.
I think he is less of a bad coach than we thought.
Així?
Like this?
Crec que no estava preparat.
I don't think I was ready.
Crec que semblarà una hot tech de les almanacs.
I think it will look like a hot tech from the almanacs.
Però algunes de les coses que estem recollint ara les va plantar, Xavi.
But some of the things we are collecting now were planted by Xavi.
Algunes, segur?
Some, for sure?
Sense voler, segurament.
Unwillingly, probably.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Va plantar coses sense voler.
He/She planted things unintentionally.
Sí, sí, però bueno, és una manera de plantar.
Yes, yes, but well, it's a way of planting.
És una manera de plantar.
It's a way of planting.
Jo així he fet una carrera.
I have built a career this way.
Com ara quina?
Which one now?
Podries dir una mica així, aproximadament.
Could you say it a little like this, approximately?
Cobert, sí.
Covered, yes.
Però això...
But this...
Fermín.
Fermín.
Fermín, sí.
Fermín, yes.
Fermín sempre...
Fermín always...
I la minya mala, et diria.
And the bad jellyfish, I would tell you.
I la minya mala el fica ell.
And the bad girl puts it in him.
Fermín el que més.
Fermín the most.
Perquè Fermín ningú en parlava, ningú el destacava,
Because Fermín no one talked about him, no one highlighted him,
no...
no...
Però Fermín no és indiscutible, eh?
But Fermín is not indisputable, right?
A l'Arsa de Flick no ens desenvolupa a través de Fermín.
At Flick's Arsa, we are not developed through Fermín.
No, però bueno...
No, but well...
Perquè no ha tingut temps, tampoc.
Because he/she hasn't had time, either.
És un bon 12-13 jugador, és un jugador molt consolidat.
He is a good 12-13 player, he is a very established player.
M'estic...
I'm getting...
Tinc molts mocs.
I have a lot of mucus.
O algú em deixa un Kleenex o...
Or someone gives me a Kleenex or...
Ep, el tenista.
Hey, the tennis player.
El tenista de Kleenex.
The Kleenex tennis player.
Per tant, tanquem tertúlia.
Therefore, we close the discussion.
Ens han quedat moltes coses.
We have many things left.
No has fet cremallera aquesta nit.
You didn't zip up last night.
No, no, no tornaré a fer-ho.
No, no, I won't do it again.
Perquè ara hi ha només la gent que pagui molts diners per...
Because now there are only people who pay a lot of money for...
Però és que t'estàs encasellant amb la...
But you're getting stuck with the...
Per la cremallera.
By the zipper.
Va, tanquem tertúlia i passem a la secció de Manel Vidal.
Come on, let's wrap up the discussion and move on to Manel Vidal's section.
Informa Vidal. Periodisme d'investigació des del sofà.
Informa Vidal. Investigative journalism from the couch.
Eres un hijo de puta y ladrón.
You are a son of a bitch and a thief.
No sé si eres un hijo de puta.
I don't know if you are a son of a bitch.
El nombre de Sergi no lo vuelves a utilizar en tu puta vida.
You will never use the name Sergi in your fucking life again.
Manel Vidal.
Manel Vidal.
Aviam, ja us ho he avançat ara.
Let's see, I've already mentioned it to you now.
Li he escrit una carta a Xavi Hernández.
I have written a letter to Xavi Hernández.
Últimament molta gent se'n recorda d'ell.
Lately, many people remember him.
Jo tinc la temptació de fer-ho també.
I have the temptation to do it too.
Quan juguem tan bé penso...
When we play so well I think...
Què estaves fent, Xavi?
What were you doing, Xavi?
No s'acaba d'entendre.
It's not completely understood.
Però m'hi vull dirigir.
But I want to address it.
Amb unes paraules...
With a few words...
Crec que plenes de respecte.
I believe that they are full of respect.
Però és per...
But it is for...
Ja no és per millorar, Xavi, perquè ja no el tenim al bar.
It's no longer about improving, Xavi, because we no longer have him at the bar.
Si no és perquè quedi tranquil, és per...
If it's not to stay calm, it's to...
Sí, per dir-li com ens va, que espero que li vagi bé...
Yes, to tell him how we are doing, which I hope goes well for him...
O sigui, l'informes una mica més...
That is to say, you inform him a little more...
I que jo ara crec que ja ha arribat un punt
And I now believe that a point has been reached.
que a mi al principi de la temporada, com que vam començar a jugar partits,
that at the beginning of the season, since we started playing matches,
tenia molt la temptació de...
I had a great temptation to...
Hòstia puta, Xavi, què estaves fent?
Holy shit, Xavi, what were you doing?
I ara crec que també és injust fer massa sang.
And now I think it is also unfair to make too much of a fuss.
Has fet les coses.
You have done the things.
Sí, clar, perquè ja no hi és.
Yes, of course, because he/she is no longer here.
No, però ja abans, quan no hi era,
No, but already before, when I wasn't there,
molta gent ens estava recordant d'ell al principi d'aquesta temporada.
Many people were remembering him at the beginning of this season.
Va, anem, doncs. Comencem la carta, va.
Come on, let's go then. Let's start the letter, come on.
Enric, cinta de carta, sisplau.
Enric, letter tape, please.
Ah, sí?
Oh, really?
Sempre.
Always.
Això és un clavicèmbel, no?
This is a harpsichord, isn't it?
Bueno, ha donat poc... Ah, mira.
Well, it hasn't given much... Ah, look.
Hola, Xavi.
Hello, Xavi.
Ara fa uns dies que els culers no sabem res de tu.
It's been a few days since we, the culers, have heard anything from you.
Els nostres camins es van separar a finals de temporada
Our paths parted at the end of the season.
i no ens hem tornat a veure.
and we haven't seen each other again.
Espero que tot et vagi bé.
I hope everything is going well for you.
Ho espero de veritat, perquè per mi sempre seràs
I truly hope so, because for me you will always be
Xavi Hernández, el Xavi del Barça,
Xavi Hernández, the Xavi of Barça,
un dels meus ídols, un dels millors jugadors
one of my idols, one of the best players
de la nostra història,
of our history,
i una autèntica llegenda del nostre club.
and a true legend of our club.
Això és així.
This is how it is.
El Xavi que va debutar en bengal amb només 18 anys,
Xavi, who debuted in Bengal at just 18 years old,
que va patir 5 temporades sense guanyar res,
who suffered 5 seasons without winning anything,
que quan es va posar a guanyar títols ja no va parar,
that when he started winning titles he didn't stop.
i que es va convertir en el millor migcampista del món
and became the best midfielder in the world
i un dels millors de la història,
and one of the best in history,
tot i ser baixet i lent, no fer gaires gols,
despite being short and slow, not scoring many goals,
ni agradar-li gaire defensar.
nor does he/she like to defend it much.
No.
No.
Ho vas aconseguir només a base de talent i d'intel·ligència,
You achieved it solely through talent and intelligence,
i també a base de girar el coll d'un costat a l'altre
and also by turning the neck from side to side
molt ràpid i moltíssimes vegades per partit,
very fast and many times per game,
per saber constantment...
to know constantly...
per saber constantment què passava al teu voltant.
to constantly know what was happening around you.
Tot això, Xavi, per mi és el més important
All of this, Xavi, is the most important thing for me.
i estic segur que la grandíssima majoria de culers
and I am sure that the vast majority of culers
no ho oblidarem.
We won't forget it.
És per això que estic content que s'acabés la teva etapa
That's why I'm happy that your stage has ended.
com a primer entrenador del Barça,
as the head coach of Barça,
perquè tot plegat estava començant a ser difícil de digerir.
because all of this was starting to be difficult to digest.
Els teus últims mesos com a entrenador
Your last months as a coach.
van ser com quan vas a sopar amb uns amics
it was like going out to dinner with some friends
i rieu molt, i després sortiu de festa
And you laugh a lot, and then you go out to party.
i us ho passeu molt bé,
have a great time,
i quan tanquen el local encara vols allargar una mica
And when they close the place, do you still want to stretch it out a bit?
i te'n vas a un after en un soterrani de l'Eixample
And you're going to an after-party in a basement in the Eixample.
i allà ja comences a passar-t'ho doncs no tan bé,
and there you already start to not have such a good time, then,
però no te'n vols anar a casa
but you don't want to go home
i després agafes un taxi i te'n vas a una casa
And then you take a taxi and go to a house.
ocupa d'un poble del Vallès Oriental on hi fan una rave
it takes place in a town in the Vallès Oriental where they have a rave
i finalment arribes a casa teva
And finally you arrive at your home.
després de quatre o dies fora
after four or days out
perquè a la rave resulta que també hi vas estar
because it turns out that you were also there at the rave
fent un retir de ioga, que és el que es va convertir
doing a yoga retreat, which is what it became
a la rave al cap d'uns dies, i arribes a casa
at the rave in a few days, and you arrive home
després de quatre o cinc dies
after four or five days
i t'estires a llet i et passes setze hores intentant fer-te una palla
and you lie down in bed and spend sixteen hours trying to masturbate
perquè tens la polla com una pilota antiestrès.
because you have a cock like a stress ball.
No sé si t'ha passat, Xavi,
I don't know if it has happened to you, Xavi,
però els teus últims mesos al Barça
but your last months at Barça
per mi van ser una mica així.
for me they were a bit like that.
La sensació era que la cosa ja no anava enlloc
The feeling was that things were going nowhere.
i que només ens estàvem fent mal.
and that we were only hurting each other.
He de dir que jo no crec que siguis mal entrenador,
I have to say that I don't think you are a bad coach,
més ben dit, no crec que siguis
more precisely, I don't think you are
tan mal entrenador com va semblar la temporada passada,
as bad a coach as he seemed last season,
sí que crec que el càrrec
I do believe that the position
t'anava gran i que et va faltar humilitat.
You were becoming arrogant and you lacked humility.
Humilitat, primer, per formar-te millor
Humility, first, to better yourself.
i humilitat, també, per envoltar-te
and humility, too, to surround you
de gent una mica més preparada que el teu germà
of people a little more prepared than your brother
i la resta del teu staff,
and the rest of your staff,
que és flipant perquè és impossible
it's amazing because it's impossible
de saber qui feia més pinta de resentar un estanc
to know who seemed more like resenting a stagnation
a Sant Boi de Llobregat
in Sant Boi de Llobregat
i de tenir una iguana a casa.
and having an iguana at home.
Crec, doncs, que et va faltar
I believe, therefore, that you lacked.
humilitat i també van fallar altres coses.
humility and other things also failed.
La principal és que la ràbia
The main thing is that the rage
et va anar emboirant la vista
it gradually clouded your vision
i al final només tenies un radi de visió
And in the end, you only had a field of vision.
d'un metre i mig.
one and a half meters.
Li vas agafar molta tírria a l'entorn,
You became very fond of the environment.
sobretot a l'entorn guardiolista,
especially in the Guardiola environment,
t'hi vas obsessionar, jo crec, absurdament
I think you became obsessed, absurdly.
i la ferida va anar fent pus.
And the wound started to pus.
No vas portar mai bé les comparacions amb Guardiola.
You never handled the comparisons with Guardiola well.
Segur que hi ha un entorn concret,
Surely there is a specific environment,
i això ho crec de veritat, que va ser injust amb tu
And I truly believe this, that it was unfair to you.
i que mai no vas mereixer que et diguessin
and that you never deserved to be called
que eres el bufó d'Europa,
that you are the jester of Europe,
però tot això va amb el sou d'entrenador del Barça,
but all this comes with the salary of a Barça coach,
i si hi ha algú que ho hauria de saber, ets tu.
And if there is someone who should know, it's you.
Crec que et va atrair l'excés d'ego
I think you were attracted by the excess of ego.
i la manca d'autoestima,
and the lack of self-esteem,
però t'he de dir que és quelcom que li passa a molta gent.
but I have to tell you that it is something that happens to a lot of people.
Hi ha molta gent que té molt més ego que autoestima.
There are many people who have much more ego than self-esteem.
Tampoc no va ajudar
It didn't help either.
que els teus principals defensors a la premsa,
that your main defenders in the press,
David Bernabéu, fans Javi Miguel
David Bernabéu, fans Javi Miguel
i Jordi Grau,
and Jordi Grau,
semblessin gent acabada de sortir del bingo de Gran Via,
like people who have just come out of the Gran Via bingo,
ni tampoc no sembla, vista en perspectiva,
nor does it seem, seen in perspective,
que funcionés tot allò dels challenges
that everything about the challenges worked
i d'intentar motivar una colla
and to try to motivate a group
de joves multimilionaris
of young multimillionaires
amb superfícies.
with surfaces.
I viatja a Disneylàndia
And travels to Disneyland.
com si això en comptes del Barça fos la Unió Esportiva
as if this were the Unió Esportiva instead of Barça
Fornells de la Serra.
Fornells de la Serra.
Tot plegat va fer que mostressis una incapacitat flagrant
All of this made it evident that you demonstrated a flagrant inability.
que, insisteixo, segurament no era tan exagerada
that, I insist, was probably not so exaggerated.
com semblava,
as it seemed,
i espero que amb el temps ho puguis demostrar
And I hope that with time you can prove it.
entrenant un altre equip.
training another team.
De moment ets un dels molts casos d'algú que en sap molt d'una cosa
For the moment, you are one of many cases of someone who knows a lot about one thing.
però no sap explicar-la.
but he/she cannot explain it.
Això també és una cosa que li passa a molta gent.
This is also something that happens to a lot of people.
Per exemple, al 95% dels actors,
For example, 95% of the actors,
tu veus un actor fent un paper complex, profund,
you see an actor playing a complex, deep role,
polièdric, i penses, aquesta persona en sap molt de la vida,
polyhedral, and you think, this person knows a lot about life,
i al cap d'un temps el veus en una entrevista
And after a while, you see him in an interview.
dient coses com, pues yo pienso de qué,
saying things like, well I think about what,
se tienen que denunciar las agresiones en el momento
assaults must be reported at the moment
y no al cabo de un año,
and not after a year,
i penses, hòstia santa, ets completament subnormal.
And you think, holy crap, you are completely out of your mind.
Que tampoc no és el teu cas, Xavi, però era un exemple.
That is not your case either, Xavi, but it was just an example.
Era un petit.
It was a small one.
Com ja deus haver vist, el Barça ha començat molt bé la temporada.
As you may have seen, Barça has started the season very well.
També deus haver vist que tenim entrenador nou,
You must have also seen that we have a new coach.
es diu Hansi Flick.
His name is Hansi Flick.
Ja hauríem d'haver vist que aquesta persona
We should have already seen that this person
era un geni quan Ernest Folch va dir que semblava
he was a genius when Ernest Folch said it looked like
un entrenador de gimnàstica. Això era la millor pista
a gymnastics coach. That was the best clue.
d'aquest senyor, era molt bon entrenador de futbol.
This gentleman was a very good football coach.
Porta el pitu.
Bring the breast.
Ara juguem molt bé i guanyem els partits sense patir,
Now we play very well and win the matches without suffering.
ni fer vergonya, i ho fem amb una plantilla
neither be ashamed, and we do it with a template
molt semblant a la teva. La gent se'n recorda
very similar to yours. People remember it.
de tu, Xavi, i fa moltes comparacions,
about you, Xavi, and it makes many comparisons,
perquè ha passat allò que marxes d'una feina
because what happens is that you leave a job
i la persona que et substitueix ho fa tan refotudament
And the person who is replacing you does it so damn badly.
millor que tu, que tothom s'adona
better than you, that everyone notices
que és molt probable que te l'estiguessis rascant a dues mans.
that it is very likely that you were scratching it with both hands.
A mi m'ha passat a totes les feines
It has happened to me in all my jobs.
on he estat a la meva vida, i d'on he marxat
where I have been in my life, and where I have left from
o m'han fet fora. Xavi,
or they've kicked me out. Xavi,
tothom se'n recorda molt de tu, i jo crec que no cal
Everyone remembers you well, and I think it's unnecessary.
i que és injust ara posar-se a fer sang,
and that it is unfair to start making a fuss now,
però és veritat que costa no fer comparacions.
but it is true that it's hard not to make comparisons.
Una cosa que, per exemple, està molt bé
One thing that, for example, is very good.
és que Hansi Flick no entén ni una puta
It's that Hansi Flick doesn't understand a damn thing.
paraula de català ni de castellà,
word of Catalan or Spanish,
no té ni idea de qui és Ramon Mesa, ni Xavier Bosch,
he has no idea who Ramon Mesa or Xavier Bosch is,
ni Santi Noia, ni absolutament res de tot això,
neither Santi Noia, nor absolutely anything of all this,
i com que no entén res, el pavo,
and since he doesn't understand anything, the turkey,
hores d'ara, deu pensar que ha anat a treballar a un club
At this hour, he must think he has gone to work at a club.
normal. Si no fos perquè
normal. If it weren't for the fact that
a les rodes de premsa li fan preguntes youtubers
At press conferences, YouTubers ask questions.
com el Spiderman culer, gol de Paulinho
like the Spider-Man from the stands, goal by Paulinho
o el Thomas Shelby d'Arístides
or the Thomas Shelby of Arístides
Mallol. També hi ha hagut un cert
Mallol. There has also been a certain
canvi en l'actitud del Barça durant els partits,
change in Barça's attitude during matches,
de l'entrenador concretament,
from the coach specifically,
perquè tu has de reconèixer que entre que anaves
because you have to admit that while you were going
vestit com si fossis a la VIP del Cocoa
dressed as if you were at the VIP of Cocoa
i que et passaves tot el partit queixant
and you spent the whole match complaining
de l'àrbitre, molta tranquil·litat no transmeties
the referee, you weren't transmitting much calm
ni als jugadors ni a l'afició.
neither to the players nor to the fans.
En Hansi de moment sembla tranquil, sembla fred.
Hansi seems calm at the moment, he seems cold.
És veritat que encara és molt d'hora
It is true that it is still very early.
i que només li veiem les coses bones,
and that we only see the good things in him.
com també ens va passar amb tu en algun moment, Xavi.
as it also happened to us with you at some point, Xavi.
Podria ser que ens estiguessin flipant i que el crash
Could it be that they were freaking out and that the crash...
que tenim amb en Hansi ens estigui emborratxant una mica
that we have with Hansi is getting us a bit drunk
i que ens n'agradin fins i tot les tetes,
and that we even like the little boobs,
cosa que hem comentat, té molt bones tetes, Hansi Flick,
Something we've commented on, has very nice titties, Hansi Flick.
i que el veiem a l'acte de la diada
and that we see him at the Diada event
i ja pensem que és l'home que ens alliberarà del jou espanyol.
And we already think that he is the man who will free us from the Spanish yoke.
Podria ser,
It could be,
però ja serem a temps d'alimentar-nos si cal.
but we will be in time to feed ourselves if necessary.
De moment, res més, Xavi.
For now, nothing more, Xavi.
Espero que tu també t'alegris de com ens van les coses
I hope you are also happy about how things are going for us.
i que ho estiguis celebrant com un culer més
and that you are celebrating it like any other culer
perquè voldrà dir que estàs en pau
because it will mean that you are at peace
i que pots gaudir del Barça una altra vegada.
and that you can enjoy Barça once again.
Una abraçada.
A hug.
La sotana no seria possible sense els seus mecenes.
The cassock would not be possible without its patrons.
Fes tant a patreon.com
Do so at patreon.com.
barra la sotana.
bar the cassock.
Molt generós, molt generós.
Very generous, very generous.
Sí, és que jo no tinc gana.
Yes, it's just that I'm not hungry.
Molt generós.
Very generous.
Crucificat, Xavi.
Crucified, Xavi.
Molt bé.
Very good.
Però que no torni.
But let him not return.
És evident el que li ha passat.
It is evident what has happened to him/her.
S'ha anat com obcecant.
He has become quite stubborn.
Jo no crec que entreni gaire més.
I don't think I'll train much more.
És jove com a entrenador.
He is young as a coach.
Tu el fitxaries?
Would you hire him?
Si tinguessis un equip Champions?
If you had a Champions team?
No, Champions no.
No, not Champions.
Magí?
Magí?
Qatar, farà Qatar.
Qatar will do Qatar.
T'has ficat la camisa?
Did you put on your shirt?
Tens fred?
Are you cold?
Jo soc bastant frigodet.
I am quite a chilly person.
Podríem canviar el lloc, tio.
We could change the place, dude.
Però és que dos cal...
But it's just that two...
Dos calbos allà mateix no pot.
Two bald men can't do it right there.
És redundant.
It is redundant.
Perquè semblen dos pokémons.
Because they look like two pokémons.
Són els calbos els que s'haurien de rebel·lar
It's the bald ones who should rebel.
contra aquesta tonteria, no?
against this nonsense, right?
Contra què?
Against what?
Contra el fet que no pugueu ser...
Against the fact that you may not be...
Només tu vas dir que no volies anar aquí
Only you said that you didn't want to go here.
perquè hi ha una càmera aquí dalt
because there is a camera up here
que se't veu el tema del cartró.
I can see that you're talking about the cardboard issue.
No, si és que sempre ets tu.
No, it's always you.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Magí, avui has dit que portaves un convidat que...
Magí, today you said you were bringing a guest who...
Sí, Andreu.
Yes, Andreu.
Om, om, coincideix, om.
Om, om, coincides, om.
En afirmar que el Barça ara està en un molt bon estat de forma,
By stating that Barça is now in very good shape,
que tots estan a tope.
that everyone is fully energized.
La temporada passada vam tenir nosaltres, recordareu,
Last season, we had, you will remember,
a Paco Seirulo.
to Paco Seirulo.
Hòstia, com oblidar-ho, eh?
Wow, how could you forget it, right?
A qui a mi m'agrada anomenar el druid de panoràmics
To whom I like to call the druid of panoramics.
de la preparació física.
of physical preparation.
Seria molt interessant tenir-lo aquí per preguntar-li
It would be very interesting to have him here to ask him.
què ha passat, quins canvis hi ha hagut.
What has happened, what changes have occurred.
Paco Seirulo, malauradament, no es troba entre nosaltres.
Paco Seirulo, unfortunately, is no longer with us.
No perquè s'hagi mort.
Not because he has died.
Ah!
Ah!
No ho sabem.
We don't know.
Està mort.
He is dead.
No, no, no està mort.
No, no, he is not dead.
Però en qualsevol cas no ha pogut venir
But in any case, he/she has not been able to come.
i si està mort és una excusa de puta mare.
And if he's dead, it's a fucking great excuse.
De per no venir.
Just for not coming.
Bueno.
Good.
Llavors, jo t'he posat en contacte amb un altre guru
So, I have put you in touch with another guru.
de la preparació física, amic del programa,
of physical preparation, friend of the program,
que és Pepe Siluro.
what is Pepe Siluro.
Home!
Welcome home!
No sé si recordes.
I don't know if you remember.
El vam tenir un dia, crec.
We had him for a day, I think.
Vam tenir un dia Pepe Siluro.
We had a Pepe Siluro day.
Sí.
Yes.
Seré...
I will be...
Seré jo, eh?
It will be me, right?
Jo el que faré.
What I will do.
Ah, que la gent no s'estranyi.
Ah, let people not be surprised.
Però com que no sé imitar,
But since I can't imitate,
jo el que faig és...
What I do is...
Què saps?
What do you know?
Faig aproximació.
I make an approach.
Sempre.
Always.
Jo faig una imitació, faig una aproximació.
I make an imitation, I make an approximation.
Sí.
Yes.
Espiazo també fies una mica, no?
I spy a little, don't I?
Exacte.
Exactly.
Fies una aproximació.
Make an approximation.
Jordi, mestre, no?
Jordi, teacher, right?
No.
No.
El...
The...
L'enclatginat, com es deia?
The curly potatoes, what were they called?
El de referència catastral.
The cadastral reference.
El Vives.
The Vives.
Jaume, Vicent.
Jaume, Vicent.
Carlos Vives.
Carlos Vives.
Vicent.
Vincent.
Vicent Vives és el de l'editorial.
Vicent Vives is from the publishing house.
Josep Vives.
Josep Vives.
Vale, però aquí ha vingut Pepe Siluro.
Okay, but Pepe Siluro has come here.
Sí.
Yes.
No sé si...
I don't know if...
Ve, d'algú has entrevistat-lo?
Come on, have you interviewed someone?
Sí, sí, sí, sí, sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
T'imagines?
Can you imagine?
Li vols fer unes preguntes?
Do you want to ask him/her some questions?
Jo li vull fer, li vull fer, li vull fer.
I want to do it to her, I want to do it to her, I want to do it to her.
Ja que ha vingut.
Since he/she has come.
Vull dir, ja que ha vingut.
I mean, since he/she has come.
Vale.
Okay.
Doncs anem a l'aproximació.
So let's go to the approximation.
Enric, si em pots posar música de Pepe Siluro.
Enric, if you can play me music by Pepe Siluro.
Ve, com sabeu, una caracterització.
Well, as you know, a characterization.
Ah, ja, hi ha caracterització?
Ah, right, is there characterization?
Ja, amb una miqueta i altra.
Yes, with a little bit more.
Ja.
Already.
Ho vull de sorpresa, eh?
I want it as a surprise, okay?
Un aplaudiment per Pepe Siluro!
A round of applause for Pepe Siluro!
Com canvia...
How it changes...
Bueno, és que ja no ets el Magí.
Well, it's just that you are no longer Magí.
Clar.
Sure.
Ja no ets el Magí.
You are no longer the Magí.
Bueno, doncs començaré l'entrevista, eh?
Well, I'll start the interview, okay?
Vull dir, el Magí me l'ha deixat, la faig.
I mean, Magí lent it to me, I'll do it.
Senyor Pepe Siluro, bona nit.
Mr. Pepe Siluro, good evening.
Edifici, Andreu, bona nit.
Building, Andreu, good night.
Bé, agafes aquí, com sempre, a la meva xambra,
Well, you take here, as always, to my little room,
a la meva cambra, tocant una mica de...
in my room, playing a bit of...
una dolça atonada de clavichordi.
a sweet harpsichord note.
La música, Andreu, eh?
The music, Andreu, huh?
L'única arte capaç d'exorcitar-los, LDI.
The only art capable of exorcising them, LDI.
LDI?
LDI?
Los demonis interiors.
The inner demons.
És veritat, que sempre vam...
It's true that we always...
Sí.
Yes.
Senyor Siluro, gràcies per atendre'ns, això, el primer.
Mr. Siluro, thank you for attending to us, this, the first thing.
Jo volia preguntar-li...
I wanted to ask you...
Edifici, Andreu, se trata, ja que me preguntes,
Building, Andreu, it is about, since you ask me,
A-J-A-G, eh?
A-J-A-G, huh?
Andreu Joanol.
Andreu Joanol.
A-J-A-G, sí.
A-J-A-G, yes.
És una peça que es diu Sarabande de Handel.
It is a piece called Sarabande by Handel.
Sí, senyor.
Yes, sir.
Que tu saques la música clàssica, la meva passió.
That you bring out classical music, my passion.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
La Sarabande, Andreu, el ball prohibit del barroc.
The Sarabande, Andreu, the forbidden dance of the Baroque.
La vele danse.
The sail dances.
Que diem los conoceus.
What we say, you know them.
Digue'm una cosa, Andreu,
Tell me something, Andreu,
t'agrada la música clàssica, Andreu?
Do you like classical music, Andreu?
Bueno.
Good.
Escolta aquest moviment, és el meu preferit.
Listen to this movement, it's my favorite.
La suite!
The suite!
Per la Claude Remenor.
For Claude Remenor.
H-W-W, Handel, Berke, Berxell, Nis.
H-W-W, Handel, Berke, Berxell, Nis.
De 1703, Andreu, la música de antes.
From 1703, Andreu, the music of before.
Que no, bueno, Andreu.
No, well, Andreu.
Però de muy antes, eh?
But a long time ago, right?
Oh, deitats!
Oh, deities!
Què?
What?
Aquestes afilades notes de re menor
These sharp notes of D minor.
que se me claven como esfuerzos anaeròbics en los hijos tibiales,
that they pierce me like anaerobic efforts in the tibial muscles,
Andreu.
Andrew.
Soy divino, Andreu.
I am divine, Andreu.
Soc l'oblit, sono l'amore.
I am forgetfulness, I am love.
Señor Siluro, me he fixat que vostè acaba de publicar un nou llibre.
Mr. Siluro, I noticed that you just published a new book.
Sí.
Yes.
Me perdonaràs, Andreu, que te hablo mig en castellà,
Will you forgive me, Andreu, that I speak to you partly in Spanish,
no mig en catalí, perquè només porto 48 anys de catalina.
Don't speak to me in Catalan, because I've only been speaking it for 48 years.
Estic esperant aviam si me donen un programa en la Tele3,
I am waiting to see if they give me a show on Tele3.
que poden monetitzar el meu aprenentatge de catalí.
that can monetize my learning of Catalan.
El PIT, no?
The PIT, right?
PP in translation.
PP in translation.
Ejam...
Ejam...
Pepe pop, bop, pep, pep, bop, pep, bop.
Pepe pop, bop, pep, pep, bop, pep, bop.
Ejam, com deia, vostè acaba de publicar un llibre
Well, as I was saying, you have just published a book.
sobre preparació física que porta per títol Futbol 7.1,
about physical preparation titled Football 7.1,
per a un VHS del AME aplicado al JDP,
for a VHS of the AME applied to the JDP,
el caso estricto sensu, o cómo realizar EAI sin CEE.
the strict sense case, or how to carry out EAI without CEE.
Pídelo por MRV.
Request it through MRV.
Què volen dir tots aquests acrònims?
What do all these acronyms mean?
Es difícil, Andreu.
It's difficult, Andreu.
7.1 és la...
7.1 is the...
Bé, són números que els has de posar, si tu vols,
Well, they are numbers that you have to put, if you want.
una mica impressionants, no?
a bit impressive, isn't it?
Ah, no volen dir res, els números, Pepe.
Ah, the numbers don’t mean anything, Pepe.
No.
No.
Aquí querem obrir.
Here we want to open.
Llavors,
Then,
per a un VHS, com tu veus, Andreu,
for a VHS, as you see, Andreu,
el VHS, la visió holístico-sistémica
the VHS, the holistic-systemic vision
de la tècnico-tàctica.
of the technical-tactical.
Ah, vale.
Ah, okay.
Del AME, AME, Aprendizaje Motor Efectivo,
From AME, AME, Effective Motor Learning,
aplicat al JDP.
applied to the JDP.
Sí, al JDP.
Yes, at the JDP.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Mi santa madre.
My holy mother.
El caso estricto sensu...
The case strictu sensu...
Esto puede ser un latinismo,
This may be a Latinism,
pero estricto sensu,
but strictly speaking,
¿tú sabes que yo he entrenado en la Europa del EF?
Do you know that I have trained in the EF Europe?
Era un jugador romanés, estricto sensu.
He was a Romanian player, strictly speaking.
Estricto sensu.
Strictly speaking.
Era un lateral izquierdo muy bueno.
He was a very good left-back.
Muy bueno.
Very good.
El paradigma estricto sensu.
The strict sense paradigm.
¿Cómo realiza los EAI,
How does it carry out the EAI?
los Entrenamientos de Alta Intensidad, sin CEE,
High-Intensity Training, without CEE,
sin cagarte a sobre, sin cagarte encima?
without shitting yourself, without shitting on yourself?
Ah, sí, vale.
Ah, yes, okay.
Y MRV son los misaches que te lo portas a casa.
And MRV are the misaches that you take home.
Es un PDF que me he hecho yo.
It's a PDF that I made myself.
¿Pero qué son las letras? ¿MRV?
But what are the letters? What does MRV mean?
MRV, pues misaches rápido, worldwide.
MRV, because myaches are fast, worldwide.
Uau, uau.
Wow, wow.
Vale, vale.
Okay, okay.
Son tan rápido que ya te avisen que son rápido
They are so fast that they already warn you that they are fast.
y aún así tú dices uau, uau, uau.
And still you say wow, wow, wow.
No me esperaba que fuese tan rápido.
I didn't expect it to be so fast.
Però volia preguntar-li, ja que el tenim aquí,
But I wanted to ask him, since we have him here,
preguntar-li pel Barça, per primer cop en molt temps.
to ask him about Barça, for the first time in a long time.
Sembla que els jugadors estan físicament a to.
It seems that the players are physically fit.
Com a expert, vostè en la matèria,
As an expert, you in the field,
vostè què creu que ha canviat?
What do you think has changed?
Es difícil, Andreu.
It's difficult, Andreu.
Difícil de dir.
Difficult to say.
En lugar de dudas se nota la mano de mi compañero Julio Tous.
Instead of doubts, the hand of my colleague Julio Tous is noticeable.
Ah.
Ah.
EDF, entrenador de forza, Julio Tous.
EDF, strength trainer, Julio Tous.
Julio Tous.
Julio Tous.
Julio va ser discípulo meu.
Julio was my disciple.
Tothom?
Everyone?
Clar, tothom.
Of course, everyone.
Tothom?
Everyone?
Si eres el inventor.
If you are the inventor.
Tothom.
Everyone.
Eduard de Gertz, Eduard Notte.
Eduard de Gertz, Eduard Notte.
És com el Jesucrist del rendiment, no?
It's like the Jesus Christ of performance, isn't it?
Jesucrist va ser discípulo meu, també.
Jesus Christ was my disciple too.
Al Julio yo le voy a enseñar todo lo que sabe.
I am going to teach Julio everything I know.
Tu saps que yo voy a estudiar a la URSS?
Do you know that I am going to study in the USSR?
No ho sabia.
I didn't know that.
A la República Socialista y Socialista.
To the Socialist and Socialist Republic.
Allà vam dur el meu company Julio...
There we took my partner Julio...
Vam fer una revolució.
We made a revolution.
Imagina com era la revolució.
Imagine what the revolution was like.
Què li deien a la revolució russa?
What did they say to the Russian Revolution?
A Rússia. Allà?
To Russia. There?
Allà li van dir.
There they told him.
La revolució russa oblidant-se de l'altra revolució russa.
The Russian revolution forgetting the other Russian revolution.
La vau eliminar, l'altra. Què vam fer, però?
You eliminated her, the other one. What did we do, though?
Nosaltres vam introduir un ejercicio que venia de los americanos.
We introduced an exercise that came from the Americans.
Era una, introduir cosas americanas.
It was an era of introducing American things.
No, sempre funciona.
No, it always works.
Ni por el culo te las podías introducir ahí.
You couldn't introduce them there even up your ass.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Consistía en que el HD, el humano deportista,
consisted of the HD, the human athlete,
se le feia córrer como un condenado, Andréu.
he was made to run like a condemned man, Andréu.
Sí. Como un condenado.
Yes. Like a condemned man.
Y cuando se cansaba, que ya no podía más con el esfuerzo anaeróbico,
And when he got tired, when he could no longer endure the anaerobic effort,
ya no daba más aerobisis,
I could no longer do any more aerobics.
se le aplicaba el método DRP.
the DRP method was applied to him.
Què és el método DRP?
What is the DRP method?
Disparos de revólver en los peus.
Revolver shots in the feet.
Ah, pa, pa.
Ah, bread, bread.
Yo les diría, ¿qué pasa, que estás cansado?
I would tell them, what's up, are you tired?
Pues toma, pa, pa, piño, piño.
Well, take that, pow, pow, bang, bang.
Clar, clar.
Sure, sure.
H-D-L-G-P, hijo de la gran puta, ¿no?
H-D-L-G-P, son of a bitch, right?
Y corría como un condenado.
And he ran like a condemned man.
Todo eso, eh...
All of that, huh...
Ya...
Yeah...
Digo pa vosotros que lo podeu aprender vosotros mateix
I say to you that you can learn it yourselves.
en el microcurso que tinc disponible en Domestika.
in the microcourse that I have available on Domestika.
Me he fet un Domestika. Ah, sí?
I have done a Domestika. Oh, really?
En Domestika, com si fos un publicista.
In Domestika, as if I were an advertiser.
En Domestika, con K, eh. Sí, no.
At Domestika, with a K, okay. Yes, no.
La gràcia de, ¿no?
The irony of it, right?
Domestika.
Domestika.
Por només 65 euros te registras, te matriculas
For just 65 euros you register, you enroll.
y te veus el curs de VHS, eh.
And you see yourself the VHS course, huh?
Visió holístico-sistemática.
Holistic-systemic vision.
No, aquí... Sistémica.
No, here... Systemic.
Te mando un vídeo VHS. Ah, VHS.
I'm sending you a VHS video. Ah, VHS.
Aquest que se rebobina con el bolígrafo.
This one that rewinds with the pen.
Ah, joder.
Ah, damn.
O con aquellos coches que era un...
Or with those cars that were a...
Sí. Unos coches que rebobinaba...
Yes. Some cars that rewound...
Sí, no tenia un, Ferrari.
Yes, I didn't have one, Ferrari.
Ferrari, Ferrari, eren uns coches que ho ficaves a la cinta...
Ferrari, Ferrari, they were cars that you put on the tape...
Un rebobinador. Un rebobinador en forma de cotxe.
A rewinder. A rewinder in the shape of a car.
M'agradaria parlar concretament un moment ara que el tinc aquí,
I would like to speak specifically for a moment now that I have it here.
parlar de Pedri.
talk about Pedri.
No sé si estarà d'acord, diria que és el jugador
I don't know if you will agree, I would say he is the player.
que més ha millorat en termes de preparació...
what has improved the most in terms of preparation...
En termes de preparació física.
In terms of physical preparation.
Diuen que se li ha fet un estudi...
They say that a study has been done on him/her...
Se li ha fet un estudi de l'ADN.
An DNA study has been conducted on him/her.
Com funciona, això, dels estudis de l'ADN?
How does this DNA study work?
Bueno, Andreu, com te suposara, és difícil.
Well, Andreu, as you can imagine, it's difficult.
Al Pedri se li ha fet un estudi de l'ADN,
A DNA study has been done on Pedri.
que significa ADN.
what does DNA mean.
Ah. Ah, sí?
Ah. Ah, yes?
De eso.
Of that.
Esto es que tú te treban una mica de sang.
This is that you are losing a bit of blood.
Sí.
Yes.
La sangre es el código fuente de las personas.
Blood is the source code of people.
Sí, señor. La placa base.
Yes, sir. The motherboard.
Te treban como una placa base. La placa base.
They treat you like a motherboard. The motherboard.
La CPU. La CPU.
The CPU. The CPU.
Te treban como una chiringa.
They treat you like a kite.
CPU, ¿qué vol dir?
CPU, what does it mean?
Computer.
Computer.
CPU, ¿computadora?
CPU, computer?
No, ya está. Primaria.
No, that's it. Primary school.
U.
U.
No, no. Computadora, primaria.
No, no. Computer, primary.
Uau, no?
Wow, right?
Uau, hòstia.
Wow, damn.
Yo sabía que era una computadora, pero tan...
I knew it was a computer, but so...
Tan primaria no. Tan primaria no sabía que era.
Not that primary. I didn't know it was that primary.
Llavors, ¿qué bomba ha hecho?
So, what bomb has he made?
Ve un senyor con la bata blanca, se mira la sang,
A man in a white coat comes, he looks at the blood,
en el cas de Pere, se mira la sang y dice,
In Pere's case, he looks at the blood and says,
este es un borracho, este lo que tiene que hacer
this is a drunk, this is what he needs to do
es dejar los peluchitos, como decimos.
It's letting the plush toys go, as we say.
¿Cómo? Dejar los peluchitos.
How? Stop the little stuffed animals.
¿Qué vol dir, los peluchitos? Pues el perruchi, el pelotazo.
What does it mean, the plushies? Well, the little dog, the big hit.
Sí, sí, sí.
Yes, yes, yes.
Además, también, esto, si...
Additionally, also, this, if...
¿Por qué? Si te trucan si tú tienes el VIH.
Why? If they call you because you have HIV.
En los análisis de estos del ADN.
In the analysis of this DNA.
Sí, sí que es verdad. Te trucan el VIH barra sida.
Yes, it is true. They call you HIV slash AIDS.
Ah, vale. Te trucan.
Ah, okay. They call you.
No sabía si era un atriao, un atracico.
I didn't know if it was a trap, a robbery.
No, no, no. Cuando nascen.
No, no, no. When they are born.
A ver, tú, el Pedri, ahora que ha dejado los peluchitos,
Let's see, you, Pedri, now that he has stopped with the stuffed animals,
tú le miras cómo está. Está fort.
You look at him how he is. He is strong.
Com un toro, no? Sí, sí.
Like a bull, right? Yes, yes.
Però tu te recuerdas que, abans, el Pedri semblava
But do you remember that, before, Pedri seemed
el niño de pijama raya.
The boy in the striped pajamas.
No, home! El peluchito.
No, dear! The little plush toy.
No confondre amb Gerard López,
Not to be confused with Gerard López,
que era el mateix niño sin pijama.
that it was the same boy without pajamas.
No, home! Era el niño de la raya.
No, come on! It was the kid from the line.
Sí, no, però... Molt bé.
Yes, no, but... Very good.
Tota això es gràcia a la ciència, Andreu.
All of this is thanks to science, Andreu.
Sí, sempre és gràcia a tota la ciència.
Yes, it is always thanks to all the science.
Una última cosa, perquè no tenim més temps,
One last thing, because we don't have more time,
però també per nosaltres.
but also for us.
La temporada passada va venir Paco Seirulo.
Last season, Paco Seirulo came.
No sé si el coneix, Paco Seirulo.
I don't know if you know him, Paco Seirulo.
Ens va donar... Hombre...
He gave us... Man...
Dicim... Archie Nemigo.
We say... Archie Nemigo.
Archie Nemigo, eh? Pràcticament una imitació.
Archie Nemigo, huh? Practically an imitation.
Ens va donar un consell per estar en forma.
He gave us advice on how to stay fit.
Va dir que el millor exercici que podem fer
He said that the best exercise we can do
és llançar-nos a terra i fer moviments aleatoris.
It's about throwing ourselves on the ground and making random movements.
Vostè quin exercici ens faria fer per estar en forma
What exercise would you have us do to stay in shape?
a gent que no ens agrada gaire fer esport?
People who don't really like to play sports?
Ho hau de dir? Sí, sí, sí.
Do I have to say it? Yes, yes, yes.
Va proposar que tinguéssim un atac epilèptic.
He suggested that we have an epileptic attack.
Però molta estona, clar.
But a long time, of course.
A veure, Andreu, això que proposa,
Let's see, Andreu, what you are proposing,
tu, homòlogo, no és un entrenament.
You, counterpart, it is not a training.
No, això és un atac epilèptic.
No, this is an epileptic seizure.
Clar, el que dèiem, sí, sí, sí.
Sure, what we were saying, yes, yes, yes.
Jo a ti et faria un pla OML,
I would make you an OML plan.
un pla d'orientació metabòlica locomotora.
a locomotor metabolic orientation plan.
Claro.
Of course.
De poca carga cognitiva,
Of low cognitive load,
perquè tu, Andreu, no pots suportar molta carga cognitiva.
because you, Andreu, cannot bear much cognitive load.
I si vols estar en forma,
And if you want to stay in shape,
tu el que has de fer és la cadeneta aquesta de Julai.
What you need to do is this little chain from Julai.
Sí. Que portes sempre.
Yes. What you always carry.
Sí, la porto. Tu te canvies la moneda esta
Yes, I have it. You change this coin.
de la criptomoneda impresa que lleves.
of the printed cryptocurrency you wear.
Sí.
Yes.
Tu et canvies per una bola de demolició
You change for a demolition ball.
de 50 quilos de pes, de 1.000 quilos de pes.
of 50 kilograms of weight, of 1,000 kilograms of weight.
1.000 quilos.
1,000 kilos.
I tu allà estàs fent una locomotriz.
And you there are making a locomotive.
Sí, senyor. Estàs activant el sistema locomotriz.
Yes, sir. You are activating the locomotor system.
Sí, senyor.
Yes, sir.
Té tot el sentit, perquè activaràs la zona dels trapezi.
It makes perfect sense, because you will activate the trapezius area.
I, a més, no et perds perquè és com una vaca amb una esquella.
And besides, you don't lose it because it's like a cow with a bell.
Clar.
Sure.
I després tu et sotmets a un pla d'entrenament
And then you submit yourself to a training plan.
que és el que els esperen, li diem un DFXCUS.
what is it that awaits them, we call it a DFXCUS.
Però què és un DFXCUS?
But what is a DFXCUS?
Deixar de fumar xixa com un subnormal.
Stop smoking shisha like an idiot.
Clar.
Of course.
És el que tu estàs fent.
It is what you are doing.
Clar, ja milloraré, ja milloraré.
Sure, I'll improve, I'll improve.
Això ja te convierte en niño de pijama, sin pijama.
This already makes you a child in pajamas, without pajamas.
Es raro.
It's strange.
Bueno, pues, senyor...
Well, then, sir...
Andreu, acabado en un...
Andreu, finished in a...
Deu-au.
God bless you.
Pepe Xiluro, el deixem acabat.
Pepe Xiluro, we leave him finished.
Gràcies, Pepe.
Thank you, Pepe.
Ens tornarà a visitar, aquesta temporada?
Will he/she visit us again this season?
Depende de Handel, no?
It depends on Handel, right?
Depende de Handel.
It depends on Handel.
Si estàs amb Handel, doncs l'acomiadem?
If you are with Handel, shall we say goodbye to him?
Et sembla que l'acomiadem?
Do you think we should say goodbye to him/her?
Sí, acomiadame.
Yes, fire me.
No, digues, Joel, parla.
No, tell me, Joel, speak.
Què podíem fer, el joc de les portades?
What could we do, the game of the covers?
Tu portes el de...
You carry the...
Pepe, t'agradaria jugar al joc de les portades?
Pepe, would you like to play the cover game?
Jo només tinc una ronda avui, però...
I only have one round today, but...
Va, Joel, fes el teu.
Come on, Joel, do your thing.
Queden cinc minuts i no se creu.
There are five minutes left and he/she doesn't believe it.
Que tu vols guardar? Ja ho sé, que tu vols guardar.
What do you want to keep? I know what you want to keep.
No és errat.
It is not wrong.
Tu vols guardar?
Do you want to save?
Jo sí.
I do.
Tu vols guardar, eh?
You want to keep it, huh?
Te la pots guardar, aquesta secció?
Can you save this section for yourself?
Perquè en cinc minuts no m'hi cabrà.
Because in five minutes it won't fit.
Doncs passem al grandíssim joc de les portades.
So let's move on to the great game of the covers.
Res, erratas.
Nothing, typos.
La sotada.
The sotada.
Més enllà de l'esport, només hi ha futbol.
Beyond sport, there is only football.
No, però no pots jugar, Pepe.
No, but you can't play, Pepe.
No, no.
No, no.
Clar, és impossible.
Of course, it's impossible.
Recordem que la setmana passada
Let's remember that last week.
va ser la primera jornada del joc de les portades,
it was the first day of the cover game,
hi va haver dues rondes, Manel Vidal va fer un pleno,
there were two rounds, Manel Vidal made a full score,
va fer dos punts,
he scored two points,
i recordem que Joel i Magí van fer zero punts entre els dos.
And let us remember that Joel and Magí scored zero points between them.
I si ets superdotat, tio? Entre els dos.
And what if you're gifted, dude? Between the two of us.
Això s'ha de mirar.
This needs to be looked at.
De debò o de baix?
For real or for show?
Si us sembla bé, començaré avui pel Manel,
If it suits you, I will start today with Manel.
perquè va ser...
because it was...
Crec que va ser l'últim.
I think it was the last one.
No me'n recordo, Andreu. Tens una ronda?
I don't remember, Andreu. Do you have a round?
Per què només tens una ronda?
Why do you only have one round?
Perquè avui m'ha donat per només els caps.
Because today I've only been thinking about heads.
Tu no has fet la secció, Joan.
You haven't done the section, Joan.
No, jo l'he fet, eh.
No, I did it, okay.
Jo la tinc feta, la tinc aquí. Tu ets un marano.
I have it done, I have it here. You are a marano.
Crec que lluirà més un altre dia, amb més temps.
I believe it will shine more another day, with more time.
I ara juguem, no? Juguem.
And now we play, right? Let's play.
Per què no, nois?
Why not, guys?
Manel, de 1 a 3. Has de dir 1, 2 o 3.
Manel, from 1 to 3. You have to say 1, 2, or 3.
Vull el 2.
I want the 2.
El 2? Sisplau.
The 2? Please.
Aquest dissabte el Racing de Santander
This Saturday the Racing of Santander
va guanyar per un 0 l'esporting de Gijón
won 0-0 against Sporting de Gijón
amb un solitari gol de Clement Michelon.
with a solitary goal from Clement Michelon.
Clement Michelin.
Clement Michelin.
El diari Marca ha titulat el Racing... Què fas?
The newspaper Marca has titled Racing... What are you doing?
El Racing tiene una estrella Michelin.
Racing has a Michelin star.
Ah, que bona. El diari Marca.
Ah, how nice. The Marca newspaper.
Diari Marca, Racing de Santander, un 0 l'esporting de Gijón,
Marca newspaper, Racing de Santander, a 0 against Sporting de Gijón,
gol de Clement Michelin, Clément Michelon...
goal by Clement Michelin, Clément Michelon...
Clément Michelon. Ui, ui, ui, ui, ui.
Clément Michelon. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Els francòfons.
The Francophones.
Ho has dit molt bé, eh, per no saber francès.
You said it very well, huh, for not knowing French.
Bé, pel gironí en sabem una mica, de francès, per proximitat.
Well, we know a bit about the Girona dialect, of French, due to proximity.
I espera't. Per proximitat.
I'll wait for you. Out of proximity.
El Racing tiene una estrella Michelin.
Racing has a Michelin star.
No hi vaig. No vas?
I'm not going. Aren't you going?
No hi vaig.
I'm not going there.
Però, Manel, però si està, però si està...
But, Manel, but it is, but it is...
Me toques el dit?
Do you touch my finger?
No!
No!
Home, Manel, home, Manel.
Home, Manel, home, Manel.
Oh, Manel.
Oh, Manel.
Manel, Manel, Manel.
Manel, Manel, Manel.
Ah.
Ah.
1-3.
1-3.
1-3?
1-3?
1 o 3.
1 or 3.
Podríem tenir comodín.
We could have a wild card.
No hi ha comodín. He pensat.
There is no wildcard. I have thought.
Com has de tenir comodín si només hi ha dues respostes possibles?
How can you have a wildcard if there are only two possible answers?
Ah.
Ah.
Però imagina't que jo no ho sé, no em veig en cor de respondre.
But imagine that I don't know it, I don't feel capable of responding.
No ha passat mai en cap pregunta.
It has never happened in any question.
Però ni en pregunta oberta ha passat, eh?
But it hasn't happened even in an open question, right?
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Ni en preguntes que no són per ell.
Not even in questions that aren't for him.
Joel, 1 o 3?
Joel, 1 or 3?
Lança.
Spear.
1 o 3?
1 or 3?
Has oblidat completament la dinàmica.
You have completely forgotten the dynamic.
Tu has de triar l'1 o el 3.
You have to choose between 1 or 3.
Si no, no et pots fer la pregunta. Ara triem els nombres de les preguntes.
If not, you can't ask yourself the question. Now let's choose the question numbers.
3.
3.
El març de l'any passat, el Racing de Ferrol perdia per 0-2
In March of last year, Racing de Ferrol lost 0-2.
contra el Saragossa i queia l'última posició de la segona divisió,
against Zaragoza and the last position of the second division was falling,
el diari Marca va titular Ferrolillo.
The newspaper Marca headlined Ferrolillo.
Rojo.
Red.
No, Ferrolillo rojo, no.
No, red fern, no.
Andreu.
Andrew.
Segur?
Sure?
Segur.
Sure.
Ara ha semblat Sebastià d'Arbó un amic.
Now Sebastià d'Arbó has seemed a friend.
El misteri.
The mystery.
Efectivament.
Indeed.
Amics del misteri.
Friends of the mystery.
D'on ve l'aigua de l'estat de Banyoles?
Where does the water of the Banyoles basin come from?
Ja hi ha una mà d'Eterna.
There is already a hand of Eterna.
És una pregunta real.
It's a real question.
Sí?
Yes?
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Vale, diari Marca.
Okay, Marca newspaper.
Va, va.
Come on, come on.
Ara, Sara.
Now, Sara.
És el pitjor misteri.
It's the worst mystery.
Sí, sí.
Yes, yes.
Però quan se t'acaben els misteris has de començar...
But when your mysteries are over, you have to start...
Quan surt un tren de Saragossa i una València.
When does a train leave from Zaragoza to Valencia?
On es troben? On es troben?
Where are they? Where are they?
Què has dit? Veritat o mentida?
What did you say? Truth or lie?
Mira, jo penso sincerament que Ferrolillo rojo...
Look, I honestly think that Ferrolillo rojo...
És duríssima, eh? És duríssima.
It's really tough, huh? It's really tough.
Llavors el que faré és dir-te que... Quin diari m'has dit?
So what I'll do is tell you that... Which newspaper did you tell me?
Diari Marca. És que més diari Marca.
Marca daily. It's just more Marca daily.
El diari de gano de la informació... No, en cap cas.
The diary of gaining information... No, in no case.
No vas, eh?
You're not going, huh?
Vols sumar el primer punt de la temporada, eh?
You want to add the first point of the season, eh?
Voldria sumar el primer punt amb aquest... No és veritat.
I would like to add the first point to this... It's not true.
No és veritat, mentida. Va, tio.
It's not true, lie. Come on, dude.
Correcte! Vamos!
Correct! Let's go!
Vamos, coños!
Come on, damn it!
Hòstia! Viva España!
Holy! Long live Spain!
Home, home, home.
Home, home, home.
Sí.
Yes.
Magí, el... Estàs aquí?
Magí, are you here?
Vale.
Okay.
El 3 de novembre del 2021,
On November 3, 2021,
el Betis es va enfrontar al Borussia Mönchengladbach.
Betis faced Borussia Mönchengladbach.
Sí, senyor.
Yes, sir.
A la fase de grups hi va perdre per 3 a 2 amb dos gols
In the group stage, they lost 3 to 2 with two goals.
i una assistència de Marcus Turam, que és el fill de Lilian Turam.
and an assist from Marcus Turam, who is the son of Lilian Turam.
Sí.
Yes.
D'un tal Turam.
Of a certain Turam.
El diari AS va titular... M'ha dit Turam.
The newspaper AS headlined... Turam told me.
El xou de Turam.
The Turam show.
Ah! No l'entenc.
Ah! I don't understand it.
El xou de Truman. Turam.
The Truman Show. Turam.
Diari AS.
Diario AS.
El diari AS... Només canvia una lletra de lloc.
The newspaper AS... Only one letter changes place.
No, la R l'avui... Sí.
No, the R today... Yes.
Podria ser, no?
It could be, right?
És un joc més per veure l'escrit que dit, eh?
It's a game more for seeing the written than the spoken, right?
Diari AS. El xou de Turam.
AS Diary. The Turam show.
Sí, sí. Vas? Sí, vaig.
Yes, yes. Are you going? Yes, I'm going.
Vols sumar el primer punt? No queda Ferrolillo Rojo?
Do you want to add the first point? Isn't Ferrolillo Rojo left?
No vull ser Ferrolillo Rojo. No vull ser Ferrolillo Rojo.
I don’t want to be Red Ferrolillo. I don’t want to be Red Ferrolillo.
No! Hòstia, que burro!
No! Damn it, how stupid!
Però què tonya, tu! Era fals.
But what a fool you are! It was false.
Clar que era fals, home.
Of course it was false, man.
Era fals perquè aquest partit no es va ni disputar.
It was false because this match was not even played.
Ei, molt bona, aquesta. Estava ben trobat, oi?
Hey, very good, this one. It was well found, right?
És teva, la broma? Sí, sí.
Is it yours, the joke? Yes, yes.
Ferrolillo Rojo també és meu, me pots dir que no.
Red Ferrolillo is also mine, you can't tell me otherwise.
La enhorabona, però se diré. No passa res.
Congratulations, but I will tell you. It's okay.
Se diré.
I will tell you.
Mira, són en punt. Ara ja és un minut, ja portem 61 minuts.
Look, it's on the dot. Now it's already a minute, we've been at it for 61 minutes.
Sí. És un programa...
Yes. It is a program...
Tornarà a ser un programa...
It will be a program again...
Amb convidats? Sí, perdó.
With guests? Yes, sorry.
Mira, dilluns que ve, aquí ja ho anuncio,
Look, next Monday, I announce it here,
perquè em fa molta il·lusió anunciar el primer convidat de la sotana...
because I am very excited to announce the first guest of the sotana...
La menja, pal! No, que anem a lloc de feixistes.
The food, buddy! No, we're going to a place for fascists.
Sí, m'agradaria més el pare.
Yes, I would prefer the father more.
Hem d'intentar portar Hasselhardt i és un compromís que has d'adquirir
We must try to bring Hasselhardt and it's a commitment you have to take on.
amb la càmera, dir-ne.
with the camera, say it.
Fem una enquesta ràpida.
Let's do a quick survey.
La gent aquí present creu que és bona idea
The people present here believe that it is a good idea.
portar Hasselhardt a la sotana?
Bring Hasselhardt to the cassock?
Sí, segur que sí, perquè, clar...
Yes, for sure, because, of course...
És més, és més, crec que molaria més portar-lo.
Moreover, I think it would be cooler to wear it.
Jotec, eh? Hasselhardt, que el fill de Hasselhardt.
Jotec, huh? Hasselhardt, the son of Hasselhardt.
Seria més divertit.
It would be more fun.
Creieu que vindrà amb la samarreta de la mitja mà?
Do you think he will come with the half-sleeve shirt?
Vale, un moment.
Okay, one moment.
La setmana que ve tindrem un personatge que, a mi,
Next week we will have a character that, to me,
la veritat és que em fa molta il·lusió,
the truth is that I am very excited,
que és Rubén Miño, potser dit així, potser la gent no sap qui és,
who Rubén Miño is, maybe said like this, maybe people don’t know who he is,
però va ser porter suplent del Barça, va ser primer porter del Barça B,
but he was a substitute goalkeeper for Barça, he was the first goalkeeper for Barça B,
suplent del Barça de Ronaldinho, els Messi i tot això.
substitute for Barça with Ronaldinho, Messi and all that.
Ha vist coses, aquest tio, eh?
This guy has seen things, hasn't he?
Que...
That...
Es va tancar aquesta...
It was closed this...
visita de la sotana a la sala Apolo de Barcelona.
Visit of the cassock to the Apollo room in Barcelona.
Oh! És una persona que...
Oh! It is a person who...
Encara és tan actiu, eh? On juga?
He's still so active, huh? Where does he play?
Juga a Cornellà. Juga a Cornellà.
Play in Cornellà. Play in Cornellà.
És el titular de Cornellà. Titular, eh?
He is the owner of Cornellà. Owner, huh?
Fa... fa poper? Rubén Miño fa poper?
Is... is Rubén Miño making a fuss?
No ho sé, no sé què és. Què vols dir, si té un laboratori?
I don't know, I don't know what it is. What do you mean, if it has a laboratory?
No, no, no, que si executa el poper...
No, no, no, if he executes the poper...
No ho sé.
I don't know.
Fa pinta que, en un moment donat,
It looks like, at some point,
li agrada aquella petit mort, no?, que proporciona.
He likes that little death, doesn't he?, that it provides.
Està bé Rubén Miño, que serà el primer convidat, i Ariadna Irán...
It's okay Rubén Miño, who will be the first guest, and Ariadna Irán...
Va, aniran callats. ...succesivament.
Come on, they'll go quietly... subsequently.
El Miño és un riu de Galícia. Eh?
The Miño is a river in Galicia. Eh?
El Miño, que és un riu de Galícia.
The Miño, which is a river in Galicia.
Sí.
Yes.
Jo he anat al naixement del Miño. Molt bé.
I have been to the source of the Miño. Very good.
Us recomano, si mai aneu a Galícia, aneu al naixement del Miño.
I recommend you, if you ever go to Galicia, to visit the source of the Miño.
És increïble, perquè anàvem bé de temps i ara ja...
It's incredible, because we were on schedule and now it's already...
Jo estic aquí allargat perquè sí.
I am lying here just because.
Magí García, moltíssimes... Gràcies a tu.
Magí García, thank you very much... Thanks to you.
Has de portar a Pepe el Ciruló a casa, poder?
Do you have to take Pepe the Ciruló home, maybe?
Sí, he de portar-lo. Amb la moto.
Yes, I have to take it. With the bike.
Amb la moto, Joan Díaz, que vagi molt bé demà.
With the motorcycle, Joan Díaz, have a great time tomorrow.
Per favor, Andreu, eh?
Please, Andreu, huh?
A les 7 del matí? Sí. No, a les 7 no.
At 7 in the morning? Yes. No, not at 7.
Quan? A les 8 acostumo a arribar.
When? I usually arrive at 8.
Ara et despertes a les 7 del matí? Sí.
Do you wake up at 7 in the morning now? Yes.
Sí, sí, tu pots confirmar que sí. Sí, sí, però no.
Yes, yes, you can confirm that. Yes, yes, but no.
Manel Vidal, moltíssimes gràcies. Jo no.
Manel Vidal, thank you very much. Not me.
No, tu no et despertes a les 7 del matí.
No, you don't wake up at 7 in the morning.
Tot és gràcies a Enric Usó. Ens havien dit que érem Rubén Miño.
Everything is thanks to Enric Usó. They had told us that we were Rubén Miño.
Rubén Miño. Informeu-vos de qui és.
Rubén Miño. Find out who he is.
No, li hauré de fer la mamada, no? Sí, sí.
No, I will have to give him a blowjob, right? Yes, yes.
Tot això? El rei del poper.
All of this? The king of pop.
Que no! Però què dius?
No! But what are you saying?
No, no és Harry Popper. Li preguntaré.
No, it’s not Harry Potter. I will ask him.
No és Harry Popper. Hòstia, Harry Popper.
It's not Harry Potter. Damn, Harry Potter.
No és Harry Popper.
It's not Harry Popper.
El noi se'ns va presentar així, eh?
The boy introduced himself to us like this, right?
El rei cruïlla de les cultures. Com?
The king as a crossroads of cultures. How?
Com a Harry Popper. Ah, sí?
Like Harry Popper. Oh, really?
Se'ns va presentar el noi, sí, sí.
The boy was introduced to us, yes, yes.
Va, ja deixem, perdó. Va, ens veiem la setmana que ve.
Okay, let's leave it, sorry. Alright, see you next week.
Visca Barça i visca Catalunya lliure.
Long live Barça and long live a free Catalonia.
Cada dilluns, de 10 a 11 de la nit, La Sultana.
Every Monday, from 10 to 11 at night, La Sultana.
Yo creo que hoy se ha dado un espectáculo malo para el fútbol
I believe that today a bad spectacle for football has taken place.
porque se demuestra que por un plato de lentejas
because it is proven that for a plate of lentils
unos mercenarios se venden. ¡Punto!
Some mercenaries sell themselves. Period!
Hoy, mañana y siempre...
Today, tomorrow and always...
Con el Barça en el corazón.
With Barça in the heart.
Ganar y ganar y ganar y ganar y volver a ganar y ganar y ganar y ganar...
Win and win and win and win and win again and win and win and win...
Si els sants ho sents, això ho digui, no?
If the saints hear it, let them say it, right?
És veritat, aquesta teva? Segur, eh?
Is this true, yours? For sure, right?
Que no sigui una innocentada i posem-la a pota, no?
Let's not make it a prank and let's get to the point, shall we?
La Sultana, un programa d'esports, és a dir, de futbol.
The Sultana, a sports program, that is to say, football.
Subtítols per la comunitat Amara.org
Subtitles for the Amara.org community
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