“CHA！”048小姨子——刘静怡（下）

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Mingjing and Diandian Programs

年轮映画

Annual Rings Film

年轮映画最具有互联网思维的影视公司

Year Ring Films is the most internet-minded film and television company.

旗下签约的艺人刘静怡

Signed artist Liu Jingyi.

看这两条大褶头

Look at these two big pleats.

这首歌是Supergrass的

This song is by Supergrass.

我记得是2004 05年

I remember it was around 2004 or 2005.

在长安公园音乐节

At the Chang'an Park Music Festival

然后Supergrass是作为演出嘉宾当天的压轴的一个乐队

Then Supergrass was the headlining band as a special guest on the day of the performance.

英国的一个乐队

A band from the UK.

然后当这首歌响起的时候

Then when this song plays.

全场观众沸腾嚎叫

The whole audience erupted in cheers and screams.

全在跳舞

Everyone is dancing.

大家听这个节奏也是非常

Everyone listening to this rhythm is also very...

很轻快

Very cheerful.

很阳光

Very sunny.

很悠闲懒散

Very leisurely and lazy.

然后这么个氛围的音乐

Then there's music with this kind of atmosphere.

然后和现在我眼前的这个美女

Then with the beauty in front of me right now.

完全不一样

Completely different.

对

Yes.

完全不一样

Completely different.

这个美女

This beautiful woman.

然后咱们上一期聊到一话题的节点是什么呢

So what was the topic we discussed in the last episode?

忘了

Forgot.

那咱们还是介绍一下

Then let's introduce it.

对忘了她脑子有病

Forget her, she's crazy.

不是脑子不好

It's not about being stupid.

不是有病

Not sick.

没有病

No illness.

刘静怡年轮映画的演员

Liu Jingyi is an actor in Year Wheel Films.

她到了年轮映画以后

After she arrived at Year Ring Film.

演了一个

Performed a

机器人女友

Robot girlfriend

不是

No.

谁脑子有病

Who has a brain disease?

揭脚的女人

The woman with exposed feet.

揭脚

Reveal the foot.

捏脚的女人吧

The woman who kneads feet.

不是不是

No, no.

捏脚的是

The one who massages the feet is.

捏脚的是技师

The person giving the foot massage is a technician.

对

Yes

捏脚的女人

The woman who massages feet.

对

Correct.

接脚的女人

The woman with the bound feet.

前天刚杀青的

Just finished filming the day before yesterday.

然后应该是在过个十年八年就上映了

Then it should be released in about ten or eight years.

过一阵就上映了

It will be released soon.

然后但是前一阵呢

Then, but a while ago...

刚做了两个戏

Just completed two performances.

一个是

One is

现在正在热播的超能机器女友

The super-powered robotic girlfriend that is currently popular.

超能机器女友

Super Power Machine Girlfriend

在爱奇艺可以找到

You can find it on iQIYI.

爱奇艺可以找到

iQIYI can be found.

然后是在热播微电影榜前十万老师

Then, it is in the top ten of the popular microfilm rankings, Teacher Wan.

那天我看见了

That day I saw.

完全是因为你

It’s completely because of you.

因为你演了女友

Because you played the role of a girlfriend.

导演拍的好

The director did a great job.

咱这个就不用说这事

We don't need to talk about this matter.

花导演有什么用

What is the use of a flower director?

就是

That's it.

And then there's another one

还有另一个。

因为导演在看呢

Because the director is watching.

原来这么回事啊

Oh, so that's how it is.

导演拍的好

The director did a great job.

导演和你有什么关系

What is your relationship with the director?

你又没有这两条大长的

You don't have these two long ones again.

我都没有啊

I don't have anything.

导演导演导演

Director Director Director

还有大长脸

And a long face.

这个就是他下一个戏的角色

This is the role for his next play.

就是那个

It's that one.

女仆

Maid

不是女仆是吧

It's not a maid, right?

女仆咖啡厅

Maid café

然后是

Then there is.

演一个毒蛇

Play a venomous snake.

那不还是葫芦娃的故事

Isn't that still the story of the Calabash Brothers?

那是毒蛇啊

That's a venomous snake.

我想想

Let me think.

听了我第二个冷笑话

Heard my second cold joke.

你第一个冷笑话

Your first cold joke.

讲的也是葫芦娃和蛇精的事

It's also about the Calabash Brothers and the Snake Spirit.

我第二个不是了

I'm no longer the second one.

那行

Sure.

来来来

Come, come, come.

准备

Prepare

来我时刻准备着音乐接上啊

I'm always ready for the music to start.

有点太冷了

It's a bit too cold.

第二个

The second one.

没关系

It's okay.

来来来准备

Come, come, come, get ready.

可以go

Can go.

说北极熊住在北极

It is said that polar bears live in the Arctic.

他有一个好朋友呢

He has a good friend.

是企鹅

It's a penguin.

他住在南极

He lives in Antarctica.

所以两边特别远

So the two sides are especially far apart.

然后他有一天要去出发

Then one day he is about to set off.

去南极找企鹅玩

Go to Antarctica to play with penguins.

走呀走呀走呀走

Walk, walk, walk, walk.

走了半年

Gone for half a year.

终于走了一半

Finally walked halfway.

他突然想起来

He suddenly remembered.

呀坏了

Oh no, it's broken.

家里煤气一般

The gas at home is generally fine.

关了

Turned off.

他就返回

He just returned.

走呀走呀走呀走

Walk, walk, walk, walk.

走了半年

Left for six months.

到家了

I'm home.

煤气关上了

The gas is turned off.

然后他又开始出发

Then he set off again.

走呀走呀走

Walk, walk, walk.

经过漫长的一年多

After a long year and more.

终于到企鹅家了

Finally arrived at the penguin's house.

他就咚当当敲门

He knocked on the door with a thump-thump-thump.

企鹅出来

The penguin is coming out.

他问企鹅

He asked the penguin.

玩吗

Are you playing?

企鹅说

The penguin said.

不玩

Not playing.

卖不玩了

Not selling anymore.

他说

He said.

我们在漫长的

We are in a long...

祖堂 Pencil

Ancestral Hall Pencil

寻找到一门

Find a door.

天上的

In the sky.

企鹅

Penguin

高兴tunnel

Happy tunnel

国家需求

National demand

有机地

Organically

设计

Design

有机地

Organically

试图

attempt

魔法

Magic

终于到了

Finally arrived.

那边

Over there.

这也是

This is also.

咱们的

Ours

企鹅

Penguin

鸡的

chicken's

企鹅

Penguin

我们的

Ours

企鹅

Penguin

看 release

Look at the release.

咱们的

Ours

企鹅

Penguin

里面

Inside

看到我们 gels

See our gels.

用备

Prepare.

我们会

We will.

让咱们

Let us.

来看

Come and see.

老师

Teacher

帮我们

Help us.

出发

Departure

各种

Various

企鹅

Penguin

辆

vehicles

帮你

Help you.

出发

Departure

别

Don't.

都

All

我这口气终于算喘上来了

I can finally catch my breath.

真的真的

Really, really.

这一辈子就只在笑话活了

I've lived my entire life just as a joke.

不玩你想得到吗

Don't play if you can imagine it?

谁能想得到

Who would have thought?

真是太有意思了

That's really interesting.

不行我还得缓一下

No, I need to take a break.

我还得缓

I still need to take it easy.

这首歌

This song

然后是一首非常牛逼的冲浪音乐

Then there's a very awesome surfing music.

然后和我们眼前的这位美女

Then with the beauty in front of us.

依旧是毫无相关

Still completely unrelated.

然后呢

What then?

这个一个非常阳光

This is very sunny.

非常懒散的这个这个这个节奏下

In this very lazy rhythm.

是一个特别冷的笑话

It's a particularly cold joke.

终于缓过了一口气

Finally caught a breath.

然后这个静怡

Then this Jingyi.

刘静怡

Liu Jingyi

然后也请你准备下一个冷笑话

Then please prepare the next cold joke as well.

更冷

Colder

我们期待更冷的

We look forward to colder weather.

等一下

Wait a moment.

下一个热了点

The next one is a bit hot.

下一个热了点是吧

The next one is a bit hot, right?

热了可以脱

If it's hot, you can take it off.

你说刚才你忘了

You said you forgot just now.

咱们上期节目

In our last episode

引入了一个很深刻的话题

Introduced a very profound topic.

这不是冷笑话专辑吗

Isn't this a collection of cold jokes?

这不是

This is not.

咱们上一个节目说的是

The last show we talked about was

问一问

Ask a question.

女神

Goddess

女神的眼中

In the eyes of the goddess.

不喜欢什么样的男的

What kind of man do you not like?

女神

Goddess

刘静怡的眼中

In Liu Jingyi's eyes.

不喜欢什么样的男的

What kind of man do you not like?

最讨厌

The most annoying.

那这事你得好好听听

Then you need to listen carefully to this matter.

我尽量改吧

I'll try to change it.

尽量改

Try to change as much as possible.

不要指我

Don't point at me.

你就可以旁骁侧击的说

You can say it indirectly.

来吧

Come on.

我特别讨厌

I particularly hate.

我稍等啊

I'll wait a moment.

然后咱们弯脱脆

Then we bend and break free.

我把音乐关了

I turned off the music.

你安安静静的说

You speak quietly.

走你

Go for it!

说吧

Speak up.

我特别讨厌那种

I particularly hate that kind of thing.

有手好弦的男人

A man with skilled hands and good strings.

不是我

It's not me.

就比我上进心的

It's just more ambitious than me.

不是我

Not me.

然后呢

And then?

你说这个太虚了

You said this is too vague.

其实

Actually

大家那个

Everyone, that.

征婚启事上都这么写

This is how marriage notices are usually written.

怎么说实了呀

How to put it frankly?

那接着说吧

Then go on and speak.

接着说吧

Go ahead and continue.

有手好弦和

There are good strings with hands.

有手好弦和不思进取

Having good skills but lacking ambition.

对对对

Yes, yes, yes.

是首要的

It is the top priority.

不喜欢这两个

I don't like these two.

不行

No way.

那你讨厌就是耳朵听力不好的男朋友吗

So you dislike boyfriends who have hearing problems?

没关系

It's okay.

那你说话声音稍微大一点

Then please speak a little louder.

就是说不喜欢有手好弦

That means not liking to have good skills.

不干正事的

Not doing serious work.

和不思进取的

and the lack of ambition

对对对

Yes, yes, yes.

但是思进取和这个

But striving for progress and this

不好弦的人很多啊

There are many people with bad strings.

你就没有其他要求了吗

Don't you have any other requests?

长得

grows up

我是外貌学会

I am the Beauty Society.

我上一期已经说了

I already said it in the last issue.

又长得帅

Also handsome.

但是要思进取

But one must strive for progress.

嗯嗯嗯

Um um um.

可是他是一样的

But he is the same.

一个穷饺子呢

A poor dumpling.

没有钱

No money.

呃

Uh

在他可以让我吃饱喝饱的情况下

As long as he can provide me with enough food and drink.

我可以忍受他没有那么有钱

I can tolerate that he is not that wealthy.

但他一定有一个很光明的前途

But he must have a very bright future.

就是他的要不他现在职业很好

It's just that he is doing well in his career now.

就可以看到未来

You can see the future.

要不他现在很努力在做一件什么

Otherwise, he is currently working hard on something.

他会牛逼的事

He can do amazing things.

就他假如说他嗯

If he said he..."

他是奥巴马的秘书

He is Obama's secretary.

假如他是一个设计师

If he is a designer.

他有可能是一个很小的设计师

He could be a very small designer.

然后设计这种

Then design this.

他他很有才华

He is very talented.

他可以设计的很好

He can design very well.

他可以做很多东西

He can do many things.

只是没有碰到伯乐而已

It's just that I haven't met a talent scout.

我可以接受这样

I can accept this.

就是很努力

Just very hard-working.

有点像饥饿的艺术家

A bit like a hungry artist.

其实有点矛盾是什么呢

What is a bit contradictory?

如果呃这个职业挺好

If this profession is quite good.

他不太可能太穷

He is unlikely to be too poor.

对吧

Right?

然后呢

And then?

这个

this

这点上

On this point

我觉得是有点矛盾的

I think it's a bit contradictory.

不是

No.

其实他矛盾有很多

In fact, he has many contradictions.

不是

No.

我说什么呢

What should I say?

他倒是不矛盾

He is not contradictory.

总是有一个阶段

There is always a stage.

比方说你

For example, you.

著名的话剧导演

Famous stage director

著名的现在也开始做影视剧

Famous people are now also starting to produce film and television dramas.

编剧这种导演

Screenwriter-type director.

你也不穷

You are not poor either.

可是呢

However,

你会有一个阶段

You will have a stage.

就是慢慢的从默默无闻

It's just slowly moving from obscurity.

然后一点点积累作品

Then gradually accumulate works.

然后变得更加知名

Then become more well-known.

那就是这种

That's this kind.

那就是需要你的眼光

That is what your insight is needed for.

达到他的要求

Meet his requirements.

就是眼光

It's all about vision.

那就需要你的眼光能看准了

Then it requires your keen eye to make the right judgment.

就相当于买股票

It's equivalent to buying stocks.

对买股票

Buy stocks.

投资

Investment

那你现在

So what about you now?

我突然又想起一句名言来

I suddenly remembered a famous quote.

我这人简直是名言搂子

I'm just a walking collection of quotes.

我简直就是

I am simply.

名言搂子

Famous quotes brat.

以后开一个名言搂子大歌

In the future, start a big song about famous quotes.

专辑吧

Album, right?

就是说

That is to say.

专辑什么

What is the album?

他会搞笑

He is funny.

不能加8这个地方

Cannot add 8 in this place.

哇塞

Wow!

我们吃肯德基

We eat KFC.

就是说

That is to say.

女人

Woman

更加关心的是男人的未来

What is more concerning is the future of men.

而男人更加关心的是女人的过去

Men are more concerned about a woman's past.

过去

the past

对

Correct.

你仔细想

Think carefully.

不太成熟的男人吧

An immature man, I guess.

那也不是

That's not it either.

就是说

That is to say.

我一个女朋友也好

I have a girlfriend too.

或者一个妻子也好

Or a wife would be fine too.

就是说我希望她是一个

That is to say, I hope she is a...

她的过去很好

Her past is very good.

甚至说好

Even say good.

说的就是说很单纯

What is being said is very simple.

很单纯

Very simple.

很清白

Very innocent.

她是一个很好的女孩

She is a very good girl.

没有很

Not very.

很复杂的过去

A very complicated past.

那么我可以接受她的未来

Then I can accept her future.

由我来承担

I will take responsibility.

我可以养你

I can support you.

我可以怎么怎么样

What can I do?

跟你在一起之后变复杂了呢

It became complicated after being with you.

那是另外一码事

That's a different matter.

对吧

Right?

所以说女人会关心男人的未来

So it is said that women care about men's future.

男人会关心女人的过去

Men will care about a woman's past.

对

Correct.

我们也关心男人的过去

We also care about a man's past.

啊

Ah

那更关心吧

Then care more about it.

更关心未来

More concerned about the future.

对更关心未来

Care more about the future.

因为你既需要她长得漂亮

Because you need her to be good-looking.

又需要她有能力

She also needs to have the ability.

有上进心

Ambitious.

然后工作还要好

Then the work also needs to be good.

其实其实这是大部分女人的这个要求

In fact, this is a request from most women.

对

Yes.

其实挺主流的嘛

Actually, it's quite mainstream.

我原来吧

I was going to...

她并不是那种物质的女孩

She is not the type of girl who is materialistic.

就并不是说我一定要有钱什么的

It doesn't mean that I necessarily have to have money or anything like that.

就可以了

That will be enough.

并不是这样

It's not like that.

不是

No.

就是如果你是一个特别有钱富二代

It's just that if you are a particularly wealthy second generation rich kid.

你看到Lamborgh什么法拉利

Did you see the Lamborghini or Ferrari?

但是你有手好弦

But you have good strings on your hands.

你不做任何事情

You do nothing.

你就靠家里养物

You rely on your family to support you.

特别讨厌这种

Especially hate this.

但她有钱呢

But she has money.

但她特别讨厌

But she especially hates.

那我也受不了

Then I can't stand it either.

我就受不了天天你在家没事干

I can't stand you having nothing to do at home every day.

可以玩个戏算有事干

Playing a game counts as having something to do.

还不行

Not yet.

受不了

Can't stand it.

嗯

Hmm.

这种这种像这种男人在花娇上的啊

This kind of man is like this on Huajiao.

要注意了啊

Be careful!

加她的微博

Add her Weibo.

然后找一份正经的工作

Then find a proper job.

再开着兰博基尼去接她

Then drive the Lamborghini to pick her up.

然后投资插电台吧

Then invest in the charging station.

可以可以经常和刘静怡见面了

I can meet Liu Jingyi frequently now.

刘静怡见面了

Liu Jingyi has met.

好行事

Good conduct

对吧

Right?

然后这个

Then this

我还特讨厌一种

I particularly hate one kind.

就是就是比如说这种

Exactly, like this sort of thing.

开着什么跑车的男的呀

What kind of sports car is that guy driving?

往车外的一座门一打开

As the door to the outside of the car opened.

往座哪儿各种耍帅的新女孩

The new girl who shows off coolness in various ways.

Hey girl

Hey girl

How you doing

How are you doing?

有这种吗

Is there such a thing?

有

There is/are.

当然有

Of course there is.

我怎么从来没

Why have I never...

你是好看的女孩吗

Are you a beautiful girl?

如果你碰上的话

If you encounter it.

应该你也就危险了

You should be in danger too.

我应该在车里

I should be in the car.

还是在车底

Still under the car.

这是刘静怡的一个

This is a photo of Liu Jingyi.

可以说是一个择偶的

It can be said to be a partner selection.

可以说是择偶标准吧

It can be said to be a standard for choosing a partner.

或者反正是放在这个里面的

Or it's just put inside this.

还有我会衡量

I will also measure.

还有什么对于男人的要求吗

Are there any other requirements for men?

我觉得这点是我最看重的

I think this is the aspect I value the most.

其他都还可以

Everything else is fine.

就是他看重要有上进心

It means he is important and has a strong drive to improve.

上进心

Ambition

这个是我最看重的

This is what I value the most.

有前途

Promising.

起码是可以预知的前途

At least it is a future that can be foreseen.

再一个就是外貌协会

Another one is the appearance association.

外貌协会

Appearance Association

其实这样

Actually, this way.

其实我外貌协会的辩论就是

Actually, the debate about my appearance association is...

我只要看着他顺眼就行

I just need to find him pleasing to the eye.

不是说他有多帅或怎样

It's not that he's very handsome or anything.

就像我达到我这个水平可以了

It's enough for me to reach my current level.

这个是一个

This is a.

这是一个没有一个公式的东西

This is something without a formula.

对吧

Right?

没有特定的感觉

No specific feeling.

看感觉

See how it feels.

那我觉得这会是不是应该放个暗号吧

Then I think there should be a secret sign for this, right?

爱情买卖

Love Trade

其实可以放一首李宗盛的歌

Actually, you can play a song by Li Zongsheng.

你可能FB能找到

You might be able to find it on Facebook.

那首歌叫什么呀

What is the name of that song?

在

At

最后一句是在爱情面前无智者

The last sentence means "In the face of love, there are no wise people."

还是在情势面前无智者

Still ignorant in the face of circumstances.

在爱情什么

What about love?

李宗盛你一会儿搜吧

Li Zongsheng, you can search for it later.

我看

I see.

我还拍过一个神奇的MV呢

I also filmed a magical music video.

是吗 哪个神曲

Really? Which hit song?

大张伟的倍儿爽

Da Zhangwei's super refreshing.

大张伟

Da Zhangwei

我知道那孩子

I know that child.

我能停吗

Can I stop?

忍不了了

Can't stand it anymore.

我们都能忍你的冷笑话

We can all tolerate your bad jokes.

对

Yes.

其实我有点忍不了

Actually, I can't really stand it.

这首歌应该是听伤了

This song should have hurt from listening.

太俗了是吧

Too common, right?

有点太那种

A bit too much of that kind.

有一段时间

There was a period of time.

你经常给你儿子听这歌

Do you often let your son listen to this song?

那会儿还没有儿子

At that time, there was no son yet.

听这歌能有儿子吗

Can listening to this song help me have a son?

好了

Alright.

来吧

Come on.

然后接下来还有什么标准

Then what standards are next?

或者在感情上也好

Or in terms of feelings as well.

我觉得他刚才说的是

I think what he just said is

他讨厌的这种男人

He hates this type of man.

那是不是该说喜欢了

Does that mean I should say I like you?

其实喜欢不就是已经说完了吗

In fact, isn't liking something already a done deal?

其实喜欢就是反义词

Actually, to like is the opposite word.

那现在是不是可以

So can we do it now?

把衣服放下拉一厘米了

Lower the clothes down by one centimeter.

我觉得可以半厘米就行

I think half a centimeter is enough.

这是什么意思

What does this mean?

然后那个我

Then that I

我突然又想起一句名言来

I suddenly remembered a famous quote.

我这名言搂子我真是

I really am this famous quote.

这个我要告诫这个

I want to warn this.

所有在花椒上也好

Everything is fine on the pepper too.

或者收听我们节目的听众和观众

Or the listeners and viewers of our program.

其实有这么一句话

In fact, there is a saying.

就是说我忘了这是哪国名言了

I forgot which country's famous quote this is.

不管你在公交车上

No matter if you are on the bus.

还是地铁上

Still on the subway.

看到了一个漂亮女孩

Saw a beautiful girl.

她都不属于你

She doesn't belong to you at all.

什么意思

What does it mean?

这是个冷笑话吧

This is a cold joke, right?

可能是吧

Maybe so.

这是什么意思呢

What does this mean?

就是说不要瞎幻想

That is to say, don't daydream.

对你不要对女人过于想入非非

Don't let your imagination run wild when it comes to women.

就是说男人应该面对自己的生活

It means that men should confront their own lives.

脚踏实际的做好

Do a good job by keeping your feet on the ground.

前两天知乎有一个问答

A few days ago, there was a question and answer on Zhihu.

就说这个男人的想象力特别丰富

Just say that this man's imagination is particularly rich.

然后是到底是怎么回事

So what exactly happened?

然后有一个打主

Then there is a master.

然后就说

Then said.

你居然邀请我回答

You actually invited me to answer.

你是不是对我有意思

Are you interested in me?

这个太冷了吗

Is this too cold?

没有问题

No problem.

看来

It seems.

那你下一个回答是什么呢

What will your next answer be?

那个冷笑话准备好了吗

Is that cold joke ready?

准备好了

Ready.

来

Come

但一般就只做我们这还能听懂

But generally, we only do what we can still understand.

OS你们知道是什么意思吧

You all know what OS means, right?

OS

Operating System

剧本上的OS

The OS on the script.

基本上的

Essentially.

就是话外音

It's just a voice-over.

给大家解释一下

Let me explain to everyone.

OS在剧本中的内容就是话外音

The content of OS in the script refers to off-screen voice.

什么叫话外音呢

What is meant by "subtext"?

就是这个演员说完这句话

It's just that this actor said this line.

他才出现在镜头里面

He just appeared in front of the camera.

不不

No, no.

实际上具体的解释是这样

In fact, the specific explanation is as follows.

它是话外音或者是内心独白

It is an aside or an inner monologue.

话外音

Voice-over

我们这场戏是话外音

Our scene is a voiceover.

不是内心独白

It's not an inner monologue.

对对对

Exactly, exactly.

或者

Or.

就是说没有口型的这种声音

It means a sound that doesn't have a mouth shape.

对吧

Right?

然后我们这场戏的设定呢

Then the setting of our scene is...

是拍戏

It is filming.

拍抗战题材的

Filming war resistance themes.

然后一个日本军官在台上讲话

Then a Japanese officer spoke on stage.

讲话的内容是

The content of the speech is

谁能证明这件事情怎么样怎么样怎么样

Who can prove how this matter is?

你们谁可以证明

Who among you can prove it?

然后底下一个日本小兵就要站起来

Then the Japanese soldier below is going to stand up.

我能证明

I can prove it.

用日语说就是

In Japanese, it is said as

瓦达西

Wadasi

什么什么

What what

瓦达西

Vadashi

然后呢

And then?

这个录音老师

This recording teacher.

这才是个护士兵

This is just a nurse soldier.

然后配音师嘛

Then the voice actor.

配音师拿了稿

The voice actor took the script.

录音师一喊

The sound engineer shouted.

开始了

It has begun.

配音师

Voice actor

上面那个军官说

The officer above said.

谁能证明这件事情

Who can prove this matter?

底下那个录音老师

The recording teacher below.

also

also

然后男演员就上去了

Then the male actor went up.

also

also

录完节目以后

After recording the program

录音老师问的

The teacher in the recording asked.

哎

Ah.

配音老师

Voice-over teacher

also是什么意思

"also" means "also" or "too".

我能证明

I can prove it.

不应该是瓦达西开头的吗

Shouldn't it start with Wadaxi?

录音老师说

The recording teacher said.

我也不知道啊

I don't know either.

你们剧本上写的os呀

It's written as OS in your script.

啊

Ah

哈哈哈哈

Hahaha

哈哈

Haha

CBD

CBD

BITAD

BITAD

是不是觉得有点

Do you feel a bit...

对静妮失望了

Disappointed in Jing Ni.

就是对冷笑话的水平

It's about the level of cold jokes.

然后我觉得你必须得拿出一个更冷的来

Then I think you have to come up with a cooler one.

镇住我们

Calm us down.

然后我们才能用这种骄阳似火的音乐

Then we can use this blazing hot music.

来辐射回去

Let's radiate back.

我又想了一个老的冷笑话

I've come up with another old joke.

冰镇级的

Chilling level.

来

Come

正讲呀

Just talking.

当然了

Of course.

说那个北极熊

Talk about that polar bear.

又是北极熊

It's the polar bear again.

还是那只北极熊吗

Is it still that polar bear?

还是那只吗

Is it still that one?

他肯定生气了

He must be angry.

因为企鹅说不玩

Because the penguin said it won't play.

不玩

Not playing.

说什么朋友

What are you talking about, friend?

北极熊在北极

The polar bear is in the Arctic.

突然觉得特别热

Suddenly feeling really hot.

好热怎么办

It's so hot, what should I do?

他把自己身上的毛都拔光了

He plucked all the hair off his body.

然后他就

Then he...

好冷

So cold.

我以为被他摆过来

I thought he had set me up.

我们认识的刘静怡终于回来了

The Liu Jingyi we know has finally returned.

回来了

I'm back.

真正的冷笑话女王

The true queen of dark humor.

刘静怡

Liu Jingyi

对

Correct.

真正的冷笑话女王

The true queen of dad jokes.

签约在年轮硬化

The contract is signed at the hardening of the annular rings.

年轮硬化真的是一个非常具有

Annual ring hardening is indeed a very significant aspect.

我能不能把我们公司地址报上

May I report our company's address?

我要求粉丝们能不能给我送点榴莲

I ask my fans if they could send me some durians.

我们公司有冰箱

Our company has a refrigerator.

我们老大在看节目

Our boss is watching a show.

这个可以问经纪人

You can ask the agent about this.

这可以

This is fine.

我们公司地址

Our company address.

忘了

Forget it.

这是一个新的冷笑话

This is a new cold joke.

这个静怡已经彻底占领了冷笑话女王的地位了

This Jingyi has completely taken over the position of the Queen of Jokes.

然后

Then

我以后每期过来就主要讲冷笑话就行了

From now on, I'll just mainly tell cold jokes every time I come over.

真的

Really.

给我们录十几个冷笑话

Give us ten or so cold jokes.

然后我们就循环了

Then we looped.

循环放

Loop release

这几年就够了

These years have been enough.

你知道吗

Do you know?

然后这个

Then this

尤其防暑降温什么的就足够了

Especially cooling down from the heat is enough.

你刚才说的

What you just said.

你刚才说想到一个更老的冷笑话

You just mentioned thinking of an older joke.

我们大应该都听出来

We should all be able to hear it.

未必

Not necessarily.

咱们年龄差了太多了

We have too much of an age difference.

对

Correct.

怎么差了两三岁呢

How is there a difference of two or three years?

大我一轮

A cycle older than me.

不可能

Impossible.

我00后

I am post-2000.

来吧

Come on.

说那个小明去打点滴

It is said that Xiaoming is getting an IV drip.

谁是谁

Who is who?

小明

Xiao Ming

小明去打点滴

Xiao Ming went to get an IV drip.

然后

Then

小明怎么了

What's wrong with Xiao Ming?

小明

Little Ming

没事

It's fine.

小明去打点滴

Xiao Ming went to get an IV.

一边打一边笑

Laughing while hitting.

一直停下来狂笑

Kept stopping to laugh wildly.

护士就问他你怎么了

The nurse asked him what was wrong.

小明说没事

Xiao Ming said it's nothing.

我笑点滴

I have a low laugh threshold.

这个不好笑

This is not funny.

好冷

So cold.

,小明就打点滴

Xiaoming is getting an IV drip.

然后一边打一边笑

Then laughed while playing.

护士说你怎么了

The nurse asked what happened to you.

然后他说他在笑点滴

Then he said he was laughing at the drip.

笑的是点滴

Laughter is in the details.

因为我笑点滴

Because my sense of humor is low.

观众和听众会不会认为咱俩傻呀

Will the audience think we're silly?

我估计是

I estimate it is.

等会我们不是从聊我那个择偶

Aren't we discussing my choice of partner later?

怎么改成讲冷笑话呢

How do I change it to tell cold jokes?

不这个

Not this.

其实我觉得讲冷笑话啊

Actually, I think telling cold jokes is...

能代表一定的择偶标准

Can represent certain criteria for mate selection.

对

Correct.

就是说你至少得喜欢一个幽默的男人吧

That means you at least have to like a humorous man, right?

或者起码至少和你是在一个频道里的

Or at least on the same wavelength as you.

对

Agree.

这事挺重要的

This matter is quite important.

我是属于那种坐不住的

I belong to the kind of person who can't sit still.

你坐不住吗

Can't you sit still?

你看现在咱们这话就没咬上

You see, our conversation is not connecting right now.

就不在一个频道

We're just not on the same channel.

我的意思

My meaning.

我是属于坐不住的

I am someone who can't sit still.

我必须要长得特别活泼的

I must look particularly lively.

能跟着我一块坐不住

Can you sit still with me?

瞎说

Nonsense.

你刚才还说不喜欢我们这种

You just said you don't like people like us.

社交媒体

Social media

特首做特别活泼的

The Chief Executive is very lively.

因为你颜值低呀

Because your appearance is not great.

哎呦这话

Oh, this talk.

这怎么开戳人心窝子了

This really hits the heart.

他没有白眼max

He doesn't have a white-eye max.

句句话戳肺管的

Every word strikes at the lungs.

这事要我我就忍不了

I wouldn't be able to tolerate this matter.

我就去泰国变性去了

I went to Thailand for a sex change.

去泰国变性有用吗

Is it useful to undergo gender reassignment in Thailand?

我很强大

I am strong.

我对女神的这种攻击

I am attacked by the goddess in this way.

我是完全能抵挡的住的

I can completely withstand it.

对

Yes.

就直到糖衣抛单了

Just until the sugar-coated bullets were thrown.

对吧

Right?

就录下来

Just record it.

回家当素材

Go home as material.

我们俩本来是没有任何关系的人

We were originally two people with no relationship at all.

现在他讨厌我

Now he hates me.

就同处一室

Just being in the same room.

已经是缘分了

It is already fate.

现在如果他讨厌我了

What if he hates me now?

说明他和我已经发生关系了

It indicates that he and I are already in a relationship.

能这么想的

Can think like this.

人家得多失败

People need to fail more.

内心得多强大

How strong the inner self can be.

如果他讨厌我了

What if he hates me?

我们俩发生关系了

We had a relationship.

可是现在他还没有

But he doesn't have it yet.

对我还可以

It's okay for me.

咱们还可以聊下一话题

We can discuss the next topic.

下一话题是什么

What is the next topic?

要不要再想

Do you want to think again?

我觉得他得有

I think he must have.

给大家震一下

Give everyone a shake.

C加

C plus

是不是

Is it?

他已经咳嗽了

He has been coughing.

我们聊下一个话题吧

Let's talk about the next topic.

你就说吧

Just go ahead and say it.

你就说是还是不是

Just say yes or no.

我不想跟他说话

I don't want to talk to him.

你就不想跟你说话了

I just don't want to talk to you anymore.

越来越讨厌我了

I am becoming more and more annoying to you.

成功了是吗

Is it successful?

这是你的计策

This is your strategy.

近了一点

A little closer.

要不你问这个话题

Why don't you ask about this topic?

我给你个机会

I'll give you a chance.

就是C加

It's just C plus.

其实是这样的

Actually, it's like this.

俊逸

Graceful and elegant.

在我们录这个艺人的节目里面

In the program we recorded for this artist.

会让来的嘉宾

Will let the invited guests come.

给我们的听众以及观众

For our listeners and audience.

传达一些理念

Convey some ideas.

你是从业这么多年也好

You've been in the industry for so many years.

还是你生活这么多年也好

It's good that you have lived for so many years.

从业

Engagement in work / profession

听着好

Sounds good.

好便宜

So cheap.

从业

Engagement in a profession

我们用的是一个

We are using one.

很官方的词语

Very official vocabulary.

对啊

Yeah.

你想歪了

You misunderstood.

对对对

Exactly, exactly.

然后以后那种乱戏

Then there will be chaotic drama like that in the future.

别拍了

Don't take pictures anymore.

然后这个

Then this

本来脑子不好使

Originally not very bright.

实际上

In fact

就是说景仪给咱们带来的

That is what Jingyi brought to us.

静

Quiet

静静静

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

静

Quiet

对应该是静

It should be still.

打烂了是吗

Did it get broken?

应该是静啊

It should be quiet.

对啊静仪

Yes, Jingyi.

静带佳音嘛

Is Jing bringing good news?

对静仪

To Jingyi

是从业这么多年

I've been in the industry for so many years.

还是生活这么多年

Still living after all these years.

肯定其实

Definitely actually.

对生活是有些感触的

I have some thoughts about life.

对自己的人生履历

About one's life resume.

人生阅历

Life experience

我有一条人生歌言

I have a life motto.

来了

Here it comes.

太棒了

Awesome!

说一点

Say a little.

还是一条冷笑话吗

Is it still a cold joke?

人生歌言

Life song sayings

不是冷笑话

It's not a cold joke.

那好

Okay.

那别说了

Then don’t say anything.

摩羯座很正经的

Capricorn is very serious.

好吧

Alright.

说呢

Speak.

说呀

Say it.

我刚才不知道

I didn't know just now.

没不让你说

No one is stopping you from speaking.

来

Come

可以带什么字的

What kind of characters can be included?

可以吧

Okay.

反正都是直播

It's all live broadcast anyway.

都可以

Anything is fine.

就是再牛逼的梦想

No matter how awesome the dream is.

也抵不过你傻逼式的坚持

It can't compete with your foolish persistence.

有道理

Makes sense.

但是还是挺像冷笑话的

But it still feels quite like a cold joke.

我觉得不是冷笑话

I don't think it's a cold joke.

因为我曾经也信奉过这句话

Because I once believed in this saying too.

后来我就不卖房子了

Later, I stopped selling houses.

是什么意思

What does it mean?

对

Yes.

是这样啊

I see.

我们这个节目啊

Our program, well...

有一个环节

There is a link.

即兴设置情景

Improvise a scenario.

茶剧场

Tea Theatre

对

Yes.

然后其实呢

Then actually,

这个再牛逼的

This is awesome.

不是再傻逼

No longer foolish.

什么

What?

到底怎么

What's going on?

谁傻逼到底

Who is the idiot after all?

是刚才怎么说的

What was just said?

再重复一遍

Repeat it again.

再牛逼的梦想

No matter how amazing the dream is.

也抵不过你傻逼式的坚持

It can't compete with your foolish insistence.

再牛逼的梦想

No matter how impressive the dream is.

也抵不过你

Can't compare to you.

抵

resist

抵不过你傻逼式的坚持

I can't withstand your foolish persistence.

你敢绕得过来吗

Do you dare to go around?

但是呢

But, you know.

如果是傻逼式的坚持

If it's a foolish stubbornness.

那这最后牛逼的梦想

So this amazing dream at the end.

能实现吗

Can it be accomplished?

就是实不实现不重要

Whether it is realized or not is not important.

重要的是过程

The important thing is the process.

因为你就是

Because you are.

青春就那么几年

Youth lasts just a few years.

如果你不为了

If you don't do it for...

你自己想做的事情

What you want to do yourself.

而去努力奋斗

And strive to work hard.

你老了也会后悔的

You will regret it when you are old too.

好

Good.

那么茶剧场的

Then the tea theater's

这即兴的表演的命题来了

The theme of this impromptu performance has arrived.

来了

Here it comes.

静怡还是一个演员

Jingyi is still an actress.

你杜鲁桑

You are Du Lu San.

是一个导演

It is a director.

是个导演

He is a director.

制片人导演都可以

Both producer and director are fine.

制片导演一体吧

Let's integrate the producer and director roles.

然后现在你在筹拍一部戏

And now you are preparing to shoot a play.

静怡来建组

Jingyi is coming to form a group.

然后你的经纪人在门外

Then your agent is outside the door.

现在但是你呢

Now, what about you?

看见你什么

What do you see?

这不是昨天晚上

This is not last night.

我对着屏幕

I am facing the screen.

我这这么low

I am so low like this.

对

Yes.

静怡呢

Where is Jingyi?

就是这个想法

It's exactly this idea.

在

At/On/In

她想要一个机会

She wants an opportunity.

机会

Opportunity

展示自己

Show yourself.

坚持

Perseverance

对吧

Right?

然后现在进屋了

Then I went inside the house.

两个人坐下来了

Two people sat down.

会发生什么样的事呢

What kind of things will happen?

咱们的茶剧场

Our tea theater.

现在开始了

It's starting now.

我们听了一首歌

We listened to a song.

谁啊

Who is it?

请进

Please come in.

导演你好

Hello, Director.

我是静怡

I am Jingyi.

静怡啊

Jingyi.

你这个姓好奇怪啊

Your surname is quite strange.

姓静啊

The surname is Jing.

姓刘

Last name is Liu.

那你为什么不说叫刘静怡呢

Then why don't you say to call Liu Jingyi?

我姓的就是刘静怡

My surname is Liu, and my full name is Liu Jingyi.

你妈根本没有说

Your mother didn't say anything at all.

出去出去

Go out, go out.

刘静怡的第一次建组

Liu Jingyi's first time forming a group.

就这么失败了

Just failed like this.

简直是太草率和太突然了

It was simply too rash and too sudden.

对

Correct.

于是她勇敢的

So she bravely...

敲响了第二次房门

Knocked on the door for the second time.

喂

Hello

是谁啊

Who is it?

你好

Hello

我是静怡

I am Jingyi.

还是一个房间

Still a room.

不是一个导演了

Not just a director anymore.

是吧

Is that so?

对啊

Yeah.

我们今天换组了

We switched groups today.

我们是来自香港的团队

We are a team from Hong Kong.

我很希望

I really hope.

到大陆找一些优秀的演员

Find some outstanding actors on the mainland.

静怡看到这个

Jingyi saw this.

说是自己是香港的团队的导演

He said he is the director of a team from Hong Kong.

心里充满了忐忑

My heart is filled with apprehension.

然后准备向这位导演

Then prepare to approach this director.

展示自己最美好的一面

Show your best side.

然后静怡开始了

Then Jingyi began.

这位小姐你好啊

Hello, miss.

因为我们这个公司很大

Because our company is very large.

经常和一些知名的导演合作

Regularly collaborates with some well-known directors.

和一些知名的演员合作

Collaborate with some famous actors.

我想知道

I want to know.

你叫什么名字啊

What is your name?

你刚才不说了

You just said it.

刚才那个是河南的家伙

The one just now is a guy from Henan.

我不知道

I don't know.

你刚才说的是静怡你好

What you just said is "Hello, Jingyi."

哦

Oh

是静怡你好

Hello, Jingyi.

我这人有一些健忘事业的抱歉

I apologize for being somewhat forgetful in my affairs.

好奇怪

So strange.

静怡你好

Hello, Jingyi.

我们现在要找一个女二号

We are now looking for a second female lead.

女一号你不用担心

You don't need to worry, heroine.

女一号我们准备请金马锦的影后

We are preparing to invite the Golden Horse Awards Best Actress for the female lead.

张曼玉小姐来出演

Ms. Maggie Cheung is coming to perform.

你演她的女儿

You play her daughter.

你觉得你适合这个角色吗

Do you think you are suitable for this role?

你还没说角色定位是什么样的

You haven't said what the character's positioning is like.

她的女儿啊

Her daughter.

女儿有好多种的

There are many kinds of daughters.

张曼玉的女儿啊

Zhang Manyu's daughter, ah.

对啊张曼玉的女儿

Yes, Zhang Manyu's daughter.

你说她是活泼的清准的性感的调皮的刀弹的

You said she is lively, clear, sexy, playful, and sharp.

她只是张曼玉的女儿

She is just Maggie Cheung's daughter.

啊喜宝啊

Ah, Joy Treasure!

你听不懂那句话

You don't understand that sentence.

这是什么意思

What does this mean?

她是在用她妈的这个这个这个韩语来骂我吗

Is she using her mom's this this this Korean to curse at me?

张曼玉是个痴

Maggie Cheung is infatuated.

我看她还是这个静怡

I still see her as this calm and peaceful one.

还是让她出去玩

Let her go out and have fun.

我没有问完

I haven't finished asking.

张曼玉的女儿

Zhang Manyu's daughter

张曼玉的女儿她有病

Zhang Manyu's daughter is ill.

她有时候回忆

She sometimes reminisces.

突然间的就就就就就就疯了

Suddenly went completely crazy.

剪剪刀甩嗝就溜哈喇子啊

Snip snip scissors, burp and then slide away with drool.

就就就就就就嘴的甩嗝不放

Just, just, just, just, just, just can't stop burping.

你动不动演这个就是嘴的甩嗝不放的

You keep acting like this, it's just your mouth not shutting up.

能演啊

Can act!

你你你能呀

You, you, you can!

你平常你是不是这样人

Are you usually this kind of person?

导演也没事吧

Is the director okay?

我要我要绝过一次导演了

I want to be a director just once.

这是亲身经历

This is a personal experience.

怎么个绝法

What kind of trick is that?

导演你什么那个环节结束了

Director, when does that segment end?

我突然想

I suddenly thought.

阿姨在恶我啊

Aunt is being malicious towards me.

这是怎么办

What should we do about this?

突然想起这件事情

Suddenly remembered this matter.

我绝过一次导演好吧

I have directed once, okay?

讲讲然后那个世界上是导演靠近你说你演的戏

Talk about how the director approaches you in that world and tells you about the role you’re playing.

我都没看过呀

I haven't seen it at all.

不你演的戏

No, the play you performed.

我都没看过呀

I haven't seen it at all.

我抬头看导演导演你拍的戏我也都没看过

I looked up at the director and said, "I haven't watched any of the movies you've directed."

精彩非常牛逼

Absolutely amazing!

然后我觉得静怡在今天

Then I think Jingyi is today.

然后其实虽然在刚才

Then actually, although just now...

这个面试导演的环境

The environment of this interview director.

然后这个其实又一次把导演给撅了

Then this actually upset the director again.

嗯对对吧

Yeah, that's right.

然后静怡依旧是一个女神

Then Jingyi is still a goddess.

依旧起码在咱们的节目听众是无福看到了

At least in our show's audience, they are unlikely to see it.

但是咱们花椒上的观众还是欣赏到了静怡静怡女神的一面面对

However, the audience on our platform still appreciated the serene side of the goddess Jingyi.

然后呢

And then?

随着节目会讲冷笑话

The program will tell some cold jokes.

对对对对

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

我觉得在咱们节目之前

I think before our program.

结束之前

Before the end.

你没了

You are gone.

我想想啊

Let me think.

想想想想想

Think, think, think, think, think.

快来快想快想

Hurry up, think quickly!

随家是吗

Is it all right?

差不多

Almost.

快想我觉得是这样

Quickly think, I feel this way.

静怡这个

Jing Yi this

我想想

Let me think.

你看特别老还是有储备

Do you look particularly old or do you have reserves?

来走着

Come and walk.

说那个火柴过着在大街上走

The matchstick walks down the street.

早早觉得头特别痒

I felt my head particularly itchy very early on.

你看老头

Look at the old man.

拿着把自己点着了

Holding it, I set myself on fire.

点着了是吧

It's lit, isn't it?

这个这个我听过八十年代的

I've heard about this from the eighties.

八十年代的冷笑话

Cold jokes from the 1980s.

对对对

Yes, yes, yes.

那行吧

Alright then.

那随着这首来再配的歌曲

Then, along with this song that comes with it.

然后我们插电台对静怡的采访聊天

Then we plugged in the radio for the interview chat with Jingyi.

咱们就结束了

Let's end it here.

插电台以后再见

See you after plugging in the radio.

小琴再见

Goodbye, Xiao Qin.

谁

Who

我没

I don't have.

你

You

把

Put

我没

I don't have it.

你

You

是

Yes

对

Correct.