Daniel Radcliffe and Sandra Bullock talk about The Lost City. Plus reviews of The Bad Guys, Morbius, True Things & Sonic 2.

bbc sounds music radio podcasts here we are it's a propitious occasion it is the very very last time

that you'll be listening to these two magnificent gentlemen on five live the oracles of their

knowledge on five live but it is not the last time you'll be hearing them but i'm not allowed

to tell you that but i am telling you that because i don't work for the bbc but neither do you anymore

or not in a couple of hours time anyway there we are i still do what is propitious i don't know i

was hoping you wouldn't ask it's it's a good word though isn't it it is whatever whatever it means

wherever it takes us where are you uh i've just literally just come back from the airport i've

been in toronto for six months uh saving heart patients day by day and uh and i'm back to real

life i much prefer pretend life was that was that like a pandemic thing that you know that things

were quite tough in canada

and they would have anyone into the hospitals helping out basically anyone yeah anyone looking

close up i'll tell you something though about surgery scenes uh you can have the actors say

anything you like it doesn't matter you can change it all afterwards it doesn't matter i directed some

of it and uh afterwards you can go i don't like what they're saying let's just change what they're

saying you're wearing a mask so perfectly fine what's what's that what's what's the name of the

series you were making jason it's because now the reason you're asking mark is i hear a vicious room

am i allowed to talk about the uh new

incarnation of you two

point this goes out after we've come off so the podcast so it's all been announced anyway so

fantastic

because you have so much time to spare in your life this morning you were very much in my thoughts

because i got the train um to waterloo and then i got the tube from waterloo to piccadilly which

i don't usually do i usually walk it but i got the tube and i'm glad i did because as i got off

the train i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube

and i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube and i got the tube and

i was met by a poster a huge poster for uh operation mincemeat of which i took a photograph

of the yes and jason isaacs i've got the hand ask for the hand ask how did it happen you've not

mentioned it before i was hoping it would never come to your attention but i've been an and for

a few years now when have you when were you an and before i've been an and many times you weren't an

and in skyfire uh no i think i don't think i was even on the poster in china

I don't think it matters.

It was Tom Wilkinson who told us about...

Ask for the and.

Ask for the and and how important it is.

I've been an and hundreds of times.

But you've noticed that there's a with and an and.

There's often a with and,

and sometimes with the participation of,

everybody has to have their own little separator at the end.

Yeah.

It's hilarious.

Those things are incredibly important to agents.

They care about whether you're in a double banger

or a triple banger, for instance, or a single trailer.

Do you get paid more if you're an and?

No, do you?

No, it's not related at all.

Nothing.

The money you get has got nothing to do with the stuff you get,

the cars or the trailers or the bits on the poster.

No, nothing to do with it.

But and basically means you're better than the small role

they've given you.

That's right, isn't it?

Yeah.

I think that's right.

No, it doesn't mean that at all.

People will watch the film and judge them themselves.

It's quite a tricky one.

So the poster is for Operation Mincemeat,

which comes out in a couple of weeks.

There's a full junket.

I was hoping to come on your show and talk about that.

I'll come on your two shows, apparently, and talk about it.

Yes.

And I really like the film, actually.

I think I have.

I don't think the title is my favourite, though,

because it makes me think, oh, really?

But there was a moment in it.

I hope this isn't a spoiler.

Well, first of all, we won the war.

Sorry if you don't know that.

But obviously it works.

But there's a moment in it where someone,

where it was proposed, it's all true,

it was proposed from Ben McIntyre's fantastic book,

that they call it Operation Trojan Horse,

which was a bit of a giveaway.

So they changed it to Operation Mincemeat.

I play the unenviable, I have the unenviable task

of every time they come to me with this idea going,

that's a terrible idea, ridiculous, it's never going to work,

to which the entire audience are thinking,

of course it's going to work.

Can I just say, OK, as the one person in this trio

who hasn't yet seen the film, what is Operation Mincemeat?

Well, Wilt, I'll tell you, there's a whole junket thing coming out.

Today is about you.

Today is celebrating you two and all the magnificent things

that you've done.

And I thought I'd take on board the,

the entreaties from the millions of fans around the world

and give you a briefing for what we're hoping for.

I know you've got your own plans for what you're going to do

and how it's going to work and how people will find you

and you will have laid those out.

But I want you to return slightly to the days

when you were much grumpier with each other.

I think you've become much too nice to each other.

I think you've had too many holidays and you're too friendly

and you're too successful.

And I think, Simon, you've got to be meaner to Mark.

That's what I think.

When did this happen?

I like to.

Why are you telling him to be meaner?

Listen to me.

I thought we were friends.

Because I love everything about your dynamic.

I love the fact that you often are suggesting films

that I'm never going to watch.

Or if I do watch, I think, are you serious?

Because you love film.

So you love the kind of far-flung shores of film.

And Simon used to be the man on the Clapham Omnibus.

Yes.

Who'd go, fuck, don't watch it.

No one's going to watch that.

And sadly, you've broadened his tastes now.

I know, I know.

It was a bit of a cinephile.

It was unavoidable.

It was unavoidable that after 21 years,

he would start to know something about the subject.

I understand that that fundamentally undermines the dynamic.

OK, well, you know, I still,

I'm very happy to be the stupidest person in the room, always.

Not stupid, just, you know, very, very mainstream, like me,

who's really looking for,

who's not looking to be stimulated in the ways

that Mark likes to stimulate us.

OK, says Jason, whose most recent film was Mass.

So, excuse me, you know, I'd just like to say.

Four people sitting in a chair.

Four people sitting in a room talking about a subject

which is.

Largely very, very traumatic.

But it was brilliant.

But so don't come here giving me the part.

I mean, yes, you make your sky fires and we all enjoyed that.

And I don't know why you built that hotel on the edge of a volcano

or why you had a South African accent.

I guess it's the drama.

So Simon Cowell hit upon the brilliant wizard wheeze years ago,

but it wasn't the contestants in the shows.

It was the relationship between the judges that made them compelling.

So it had people walking out, it'd fire people and hire people.

And in a way, I love film.

Of course I love them.

I'm incredibly proud of Mass and one or two.

The other things over the last 30 years.

But really, when I listen to your show, what everybody listens for,

I think, is the two of you together.

And when it seems like you might be Eric and Ernie

wearing the same pyjamas, it's not as much fun

as when Simon's mean to you and you're hurt.

I'm just saying.

Can I just say, if we need your advice about the production of the show,

we'll ask for it.

But frankly, I liked you more when you came on the show

and you just talked about shows you were in

and films that you might star in rather than giving us production advice.

No, hold on.

My favourite, Jason, is the one that says,

I shouldn't tell you this, but...

And then it's a sit back.

Well, I do that off the air.

Sit back.

I tell you really great things that you can't possibly tell me on the air.

You've said things on the air that you shouldn't have said.

Yes, that's true.

That's why I never work.

But answer me this, riddle me this,

because I'm trying to navigate my way through

how I'm going to listen to you and have any time

to have a family or a career.

So, birdsong this.

OK, yes.

Birdsong this.

This is going to be...

This is going to be the shortest pre-podcast thing ever.

We had him for half an hour and you heard him say,

hello, I'm Jason Isaacs.

Can I just say that?

Well, I'm not going to say goodbye to you.

The only bit that remains is this, which is tragic,

because then listeners, you've missed 15 minutes of magical banter.

But if the only bit is, I want to thank you on behalf of everybody.

But it feels like a farewell.

It so isn't a farewell.

It so isn't.

Left turn.

I'm not even joking.

It's the end of part one.

They always say when I don't get a job,

when actors don't get a job,

they don't say they've come with someone else.

Like, they've decided to go in another direction.

The un-Jason Isaacs direction.

Whatever that direction is.

We've decided to stay in exactly the same direction.

OK, it'll be easy to find you.

That's all I need to know.

Yes, there's a brief intermission, like there used to be.

You know, pause.

Anyway.

So, Mark, how right were you about the Oscars?

Unbelievable.

Well, yeah.

Fortunate bookies.

No, well, I was right about the fact that...

No, I was right.

No, excuse me.

I was right about everything,

except for the fact,

that I said Belfast, not Coda.

But what I did say was the power of the dog won't.

On the Friday before, when we did the round-up,

I got every single one right,

including that power of the dog wasn't going to win,

but the thing was that Coda had...

In terms of statistics,

it's easy to say one of them isn't going to win.

But you did, in my memory at least,

is that you said Belfast is going to win.

No, I did say Belfast is going to win.

I was wrong on that.

Jason, here's the thing.

As was Boyd.

Much more interesting.

This is much more interesting.

Of all the actors that you've worked with,

who would you like to have slapped the most?

And there we are.

There are so many, I can't even tell you.

But, now, were you watching it live?

Were you guys watching it live?

No.

Nobody bothers with that nonsense.

Well, I was in Toronto.

I was in Toronto, so I was watching it live.

And it was, for all the, you know,

obviously terrible things that happened,

and it was appalling on so many levels,

and atrocious,

it was absolutely electric watching it.

And you couldn't tear your eyes off.

Not knowing what was going to happen next.

You know, like the very, very best drama,

all the reason people like watching sport

and need to watch it when it happens.

It was truly an extraordinary thing to me.

I felt like I was in the room.

Can I just raise the tone for a moment

and get us out of this slough,

this slough of despond?

Go for it.

A couple of weeks ago,

I did the British Film Designers Guild Awards.

The film production design,

British production, film production design.

I hope you were better than that.

Thank you.

Production designers were one of the people,

thank you,

who weren't included in the telecast.

And I've done these awards before.

I was going to go and do it,

and I needed something intelligent to say.

And this is absolutely true.

50 minutes before I went on stage to do this thing,

I texted Jason, who was in Toronto,

and said, I'm lost.

I've written something, and it's rubbish.

Can you write something for me about production designers?

Why don't I just read you this?

We have one and a half minutes before we have to stop.

He said,

Anyone working behind the curtains knows

that the production designer works more intimately,

possibly, than anyone else in the film.

They not only dream up the entire universe

that the story lives on,

their understanding of time, place, architecture,

and microscopic detail to enhance the character's journey,

but they also need an entirely practical

and often miraculous ability to get things built.

It takes six months for a plumber

to put a new bathroom in my house,

but production designers can conjure up

a street in a week, a house overnight,

and a new plan every time the phone rings.

They are the dreamers and the builders.

You have never heard a speech,

get a bigger round of applause in a room,

and that was done by Jason on the hoof

when Idiot Kermode went,

Help, I'm lost on the other side of the world.

There you go.

Thanks very much.

I was actually directing at the time,

and I was saved by my incredible production designer.

So, daily, literally, just rearranged the set.

So, this part of the podcast has been brought to you

by Simon Mayer, Mark Kermode, and Jason Isaacs.

Yeah.

And we now, we've got to go and do something else.

We've got to go and talk on the radio to the other guys.

Is that right?

I just want to thank you for everything

that you've done so far in public service,

and I look forward to meeting you

in private commercial land very, very soon.

And good luck with everything.

Talk to you on the dark side.

All right.

Lots of love.

Congratulations.

Cheers, Jason.

Well, it's good to start the podcast slightly differently

with Jason actually, I thought he was going to be a boy.

Are we back to that now?

Because we just stopped to go and do a thing

with Ellis and John.

Are we now back to the beginning of the show?

We're back, aren't we?

We're not even on yet, and I'm already confused.

This is the podcast.

21 years in, and I still haven't got the hang of this.

I'm hoping that you get the hang of it quite soon,

what with one thing and another.

Oh, I just got a message from Jason.

So did you.

Oh, I haven't got it.

I've got my phone on airplane mode.

Oh, yeah, no.

What does it say?

Oh, it's just more, thanks, you're great.

I haven't got it.

Maybe it's just me.

No.

No, all right then.

I haven't got it.

It's just you.

Doesn't love me.

Anyway, so thanks to Jason.

Thanks, Jason, for coming on the program.

That was very nice of him.

I picked up, so just outside where we all gather,

and I put down the paperwork for today's program,

and I picked up all the paperwork, again,

to come into the studio.

And I'm now going to read what's on the first sheet of paper

that I've got here.

Okay, seriously.

Seriously.

Oh, hang on, I have got it.

Genuinely.

Okay, fine, cool.

Great, cool.

Can I carry on?

No, I just wanted to make sure that he'd be nice to me

as well as you, because otherwise it would be like,

why would he, I've known him for longer.

It's the same.

He was, no.

It is the same text, but he was my friend first.

I went to school with him.

You didn't.

Are you taking Jason's direction then?

Pardon me?

Are you taking Jason's production?

Oh, I see.

Sorry.

No, no, Jason's direction was that you'd be nastier to me.

But no, I'm just saying, you know,

let's just get this absolutely.

In the case that you and I split up,

I would get Jason, because he was my friend first.

So all of the paperwork that I have for today's program,

I've put down on the desk,

and I've brought all the paperwork in,

and the very first piece of paper says,

good morning.

It's six o'clock on Friday, the 1st of April.

This is today with Justin Webb in Budapest

and Martha Carney in London.

The headlines this morning.

That's it.

So I like to think that we could do that.

What, that show?

Even though this is my last day of BBC employment,

I would just like to say that I could,

in fact, we could both go in and do the Today program.

You think?

Yes, I do think.

We could do tomorrow's.

So.

It starts later.

What time did they have to get up to do that?

Oh, half past three or something like that.

When you were doing the, was it the breakfast show that you did?

What time did that start?

Well, it varied between, sometimes it started at six,

sometimes it started at seven.

And why did it vary?

They changed, you know, management thinks,

oh, why don't we have it at six?

So when you were spinning discs at six o'clock,

what time did you have to get up in order?

Okay, so you, this is serious.

So you literally, you wake up from sleep at four o'clock.

Yes.

How far away from the BBC?

How far away from the BBC did you live?

About 20 minutes.

Okay, so.

I still wake up at four as a result, by the way.

Okay, fine.

But within two hours, you could be on air

and firing on all cylinders?

Oh yeah, within 30 minutes, probably.

So what's the shortest time you think

between getting up and broadcasting

that you could manage?

I was, well, I can tell you for a fact,

I was deputising for the early show.

So that meant being on air at five.

And I woke up at 20 to five.

And I thought, I was momentarily confused

and realised I'd overslept.

I got in the car.

And the first thing that you had to do.

Are you serious?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I walked in at five o'clock and I,

I'm sorry, this is giving me an anxiety attack.

The producer had been warned

and he was ready to press the button for the first record.

I literally walked in at six o'clock,

said hello, pressed the button.

Which station was that on?

Radio One.

Wow.

So you nearly missed a live broadcast

on what was then far and away the nation's biggest station.

Yes.

It may still be.

I don't know what the listing figures are now, but.

I think Ken, Uncle Ken to Radio Two

has got the biggest audience.

Has he?

Okay, well, deservedly so.

But wow.

And so you were,

and then as soon as the first record finished.

I'd just like to say,

I didn't break any of the speed limits at all getting in.

I didn't break any parking regulations at all.

Did you park your car?

In the door.

I'll be out.

On a meter, obviously.

And it was, anyway, it's fine.

Well, I'm really impressed.

I'm just, I'm really impressed that you could wake up at 20 to five

and be on air at five o'clock.

I mean, I didn't make a habit of that,

but it was just a one-off.

I've got an email here,

which is the perfect example of why our audience are.

The best.

Yes.

And incredibly classy.

Yes.

This also takes something,

something that you have discussed for many years and parks it.

Okay.

I think you're going to love it.

I do think you're going to love this.

Okay.

I'm worried already.

Nick Carey,

BSC,

MSC,

PhD,

LTL from Oban.

All right.

Simon and Mark,

it being Oscar season last week,

we had the usual.

Oh, here we go.

Annual tradition,

not Mark telling us who will or won't win,

but the references to that occasion,

all the 20 years ago,

when Mark picked all the winners,

did a bet,

won a modest amount,

but was told by Danny Baker that had he placed an accumulator,

he would have won 20,000 or some such amount.

Yes.

This time it was Simon who brought it up,

but I heard Mark himself repeating the story just a few days earlier.

Hearing this tale repeated every year does my head in.

It's my hill to die on,

if you will.

I used to be an odds compiler for a bookmaker,

and I set the odds on the Oscars every year.

So I say with some authority that Mark and Danny Baker have it wrong.

He could never have won this fabled 20,000 for a simple reason.

No,

no bookmaker has ever accepted accumulators on the Oscars.

Never have,

never will.

There are two reasons for this one fairly straightforward.

The other a little more arcane.

All right.

Okay.

One insider knowledge.

The Oscars are not a sporting event with the result decided in the moment.

The winners are known days,

if not weeks in advance and accumulate a bet would allow an unscrupulous

individual with insider knowledge to possibly illegally win huge amounts of money

from bookies for a relatively small outlet.

Okay.

But they,

sorry,

I'm going number two related contingencies.

Bookies odds are probabilities bet on something with a one in 10 chance of

happening and you get back roughly 10 times your take accumulators of those

probabilities multiplied together.

Two events with a one in 10 chance becomes a one in a hundred chance and you get

back a hundred times your stake,

but Oscar categories are not independent.

The chances of a film winning one affects its chances in others.

For example,

if a film wins best director,

it's chance winning best picture is much higher and that of all the other films,

much lower.

A canny punt,

a could use these relationships to get an in quotes unfair advantage,

especially in years when a single film Titanic,

Lord of the Rings sweeps the board.

Therefore,

Oscars betting is always singles.

Only one bet on one category.

A bookie may occasionally entertain a request for special odds for the same film to win in two or three categories where they take these combined probabilities into account.

But any attempt to place an accumulator will be met with a polite,

sorry,

that's not allowed working out.

The correct probabilities of literary millions of combinations is not worth the effort for what is only ever a novelty market.

Remember that phrase?

It's a novelty market.

I hope Mark will now stop repeating this story,

lamenting the lost thousands.

He never could have won in the first place.

He won exactly as much as he could have.

This is enormously reassuring for you.

You won entirely appropriately.

Well, thank you for the years of withering,

which you could never have done without a top production team behind you,

which is underlined in it.

Well, can I just say in response to that,

firstly,

it would have been lovely to know that when it happened and I with my hand on my heart,

I literally rang Linda virtually in tears to say,

I'm so sorry that I didn't know what this was.

Okay.

So back then that would have been reassuring.

However,

as with all things,

evil is the crucible of good.

Out of that pain and anguish came one of my favorite stories.

Yes.

And I am not going to change it now just because some person who knows,

just,

just because it's untrue,

just because exactly never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I have that story has become one of the defining stories of my personality.

Yes.

Because it's not true.

Well,

print the myth you can't.

So basically,

but I think it's really interesting that you cannot have an accumulated bet on the Oscars.

And I think it should be enormously reassuring that you won entirely appropriately what you should have won.

And that's it.

Well,

it would have been enormously reassuring all those years ago.

Now,

it is just,

it's an annoying correction to a story which I like.

Yes,

because what I like about the story is I like the I like the idea of the universe telling me not to do something not by losing but by winning very badly.

And I do it.

I mean,

thank you.

I appreciate the absolute factual correction.

I'm not going to stop telling the next time you hear Mark tell that story,

you know that it's not true.

Um,

and so therefore you can heckle.

Let me ask you something.

Well,

I've got lots of things to get through today.

Do you think,

parables are factually true?

Uh,

well,

they have a truth.

Thank you.

Which is now move on.

Oh,

I see.

So there is a true.

Ah,

yes,

there is a truth to your story.

Thank you.

It doesn't mean it's true.

No,

it's what I'm telling you is true.

That's how I received it.

So I was told this not only by Danny Baker,

but by a number of people that rang in.

It's Danny's fault.

No,

nothing's Danny's fault.

It's,

it's,

you know,

it's,

it's the way I chose to interpret it.

But Danny said was untrue.

No,

what Danny said was what the listeners were telling him on the nation's top horse racing.

And I mean,

Cornelius Lysette didn't leap in and say,

I'm sorry,

that's not possible.

That's true.

Actually.

So let's blame Cornelius.

Cornelius Lysette.

Cornelius.

He dropped the ball.

On the subject of explaining erotic thrillers to a nine-year-old.

Oh yes.

Thank you.

Andy Ravenscroft.

How did we get here?

A film.

So this is a film about a sensible grownup.

Sometimes a mummy or a daddy who meets someone they don't know,

but they like.

Very much so much that when they have a nice lie down together,

well,

sometimes more than once later on,

the sensible grownup has a falling out with the person they like very much.

Usually it's because they think they see them doing something naughty.

The naughty grownup isn't happy about this at all.

And sneaks around being mean to the sensible grownup.

This goes on until the naughty grownup either has a terrible accident or is made to go away forever.

That's the end of the story.

Except sometimes the naughty grownup unexpectedly comes back and has to be made to go away forever.

One more time,

um,

slightly simpler version.

I'm rich.

That's a very good version of fatal.

It's when mummy and daddy love each other very much so much.

They might kill somebody,

but equally they might not.

We find out about an hour in starring Shannon Tweed

and film the Shannon Tweed James on the subject of goats,

which is something that we've been discussing for a while.

I just had to say,

there used to be a time when a video could guarantee to shift X number of units.

If it had Shannon Tweed,

or Linnea Quigley,

or you know,

it was,

it was never seen anything with them in.

Well,

piranha women,

the avocado jungle of death styles,

Shannon Tweed.

That's actually one of her best roles.

I think this is fab because because it's very funny and it's made by JD Athens,

who of course turned out to be the guy who wrote pretty woman,

the original script of pretty woman when it was called 3000 and then it got rewritten and turned into pretty women.

So James says,

um,

de-centrist dad and militant Methodist on last week's show when Simon questioned if another animal had given its name to a film,

genre.

Yes,

this is because we discovered that a caper,

a caper is a goat.

Um,

I mean,

it's like leaping and jumping in the style of a goat.

That's where it came from.

I don't know the answer to that question,

but goats have given their name to another film genre.

No,

in fact,

erotic thriller,

the most,

sadly not as far as we're aware,

the most primordial genre of all dating all the way back to Aristotle's poetics.

The word tragedy is derived,

is derived from the Greek trade,

Josh,

goat,

and OIDA.

What?

Okay.

So,

uh,

it'd be tragedy,

goat and OIDA song.

So the,

so goat song tragedy is goat song.

Tragedy is therefore goat song.

This refers to the goat like sat is of Greek choruses common in early performances of tragedies or possibly to the practice of performers competing in early singing contests with the winner receiving a prize goat.

May I?

So there you go.

So a goat has given us a caper and tragedy.

So a tragedy is a goat.

Song when you say that the goat like set is,

is that like,

sorry,

cause I just,

is a sat here like with the goats legs and the human body playing the,

but is that like pan?

Is that what a sat here looks like?

Let's just go with yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Cause if anyone writes in to correct us,

we won't get it.

Me how will,

uh,

may I take this opportunity to thank mark for several years ago pointed in the direction of the most goat tastic film of all time and a personal favorite la,

uh,

La Quatre volte.

Yeah,

I love that.

So anyway,

and here's the other thing.

When we were just,

you know how we were talking about how the goat sort of was symbolic and normally in a good way.

Well,

well,

apart from train to Busan,

the very first thing that gets run over is a goat and then pulls itself back together again from being dead is a goat.

It's a goat.

So the goat symbolizes you watch train to Busan.

I am.

Uh,

I've watched it this week for cause I hadn't seen it.

Oh,

fantastic.

Did you like it?

Yes,

absolutely.

It's a,

it is a proper zombie movie.

What?

Watch that and then just don't watch it.

I mean,

it's like it is so much better than every other zombie drama I've ever seen just because it's like how much more completely mad and over the top.

Could it be?

It's I think,

I think that's a great film.

I really,

really liked train to Busan with a terrible follow up.

Um,

Massimo in Italy,

dear Lambert and Parker,

there's been a lot of talk about how animals are codified in film.

The only such rule of film of which I am aware as someone who works in film and often ghostwrite scripts amongst other things is the.

Save the cat rule of screenwriting.

Do you know this?

No,

go ahead.

Of course,

any rule of this kind is absolute birdsong rules and art together go like toothpaste and orange juice.

In any case,

the rule dictates that a sympathetic protagonist should be shown to perform some act of selflessness,

which demonstrates that character's kindness or good nature,

usually as they're introduced or in the first act of the film.

The only non ironic example of this I can think of occurs in my favorite film alien.

Anyone who's ever seen alien with an audience will be aware that the consensus reaction to Ripley,

taking a detour to save Jonesy,

the cat in the final act while she is stalked by the perfect organism and the ship is counting down to self-destruct is burnt birdsong laden,

exasperation,

something along the lines of leave the birdsong cat.

I once interviewed Danny DeVito on the subject of war of the roses and there's a whole thing in more of the roses in which the central marriage is breaking down.

It turns into open warfare and there is a point when the,

the wife bakes the dog in a pie and feeds it to the husband.

But when it came to they,

they preview screened it,

the audiences went,

no,

look,

we don't mind the couple attempting to kill each other,

but not the dog.

So they had to insert a scene later on of the dog running happily in the garden.

So it wasn't,

it was a,

she had suggested that she'd done it because the one thing Danny DeVito referred to that as the never kill the dog rule,

because you can do anything.

You can have couples being,

completely horrible and trying to poison each other.

You cannot do that to the dog.

That's a good story.

Good story.

And thank you.

Excellent scripting advice from Massimo in Italy.

Richard Bell in Liverpool,

grade seven bassoon and RYA dinghy sailing level three.

Dear B52 and P45 very good BLTL never had an email read out.

Although I once got a mention on the mystery years in last week's show.

Wow.

That's right.

Was that one of the shows that you started at five o'clock in the morning?

That's radio one.

I remember mysteries.

Yeah.

Simon mentioned Hick off as in H I C C O U G H is the oldest spelling of hiccup.

This isn't quite true as the original 16th century spelling was hiccup.

H I C C U P and the 17th century was hiccup.

This was an attempt to link it to the word cough,

even though it has nothing to do with coughing.

This is an example of folk etymology where spellings were changed due to a mistaken belief about the

origin of the word.

Another example is ghost,

which was originally spelt G O S T without the H until William Caxton brought some Flemish printers to England.

They thought it should contain an H to match their word geest with an H,

even though it wasn't derived from that.

Anyway,

keep up the good work.

Well,

isn't that interesting?

So ghost shouldn't have an H and hiccup was originally hiccup before it became a hiccough.

Huh?

Well,

that is,

there is no other show that does this.

No.

And is it true?

Sorry.

Is it?

Is it true that a butterfly is a spoonerism of flutter by the butterfly is called butterfly because it's flutter by.

I,

well,

it's not a spoonerism,

but well,

it is because it's a miskin.

Yes.

It's sort of mispronunciation.

No,

no,

because you're mixing your,

I know a spoonerism would be,

you know,

toast the whatever it is,

but you know,

it's the,

it's plays our asses to the queer Dean,

the queer old Dean.

That's right.

That's a two runners instead of raise our glasses to the dear queen.

Yes,

that's right.

But,

but it is,

is butterfly actually,

I don't know the derivation of us.

I'll look it up while you do some production.

Staff can do that.

Okay.

Can you look up whether or not butter already doing it originally flutter by he's listening to radio too.

He's got a face that says I have other things to prepare for.

Yeah.

Old English from butter plus fly.

Well,

I can,

yeah.

Packs from the cream or yellow.

Oh,

so it's not old belief that the insects stole butter.

So it's not,

it's not true.

Old belief that the insects stole.

Butter.

Yeah.

You can never trust an insect where you see a butterfly walking off with a great big pack of Lurpak.

That's that's definitely what people used to think back in the day.

They were drinking something weird back then.

What's that?

Urgot.

They were taking Urgot.

Uh,

so we've got a thing here.

Andrew Griffiths,

all this talk of Methodists has been thinking of the fantastic scene in blazing saddles when the antagonist Headley Lamar played fantastically by Harvey Corman lists the type of miscreants that he wants to help.

He wants to help him terrorize rock Ridge.

Of course,

some of it needs birdsong,

but his delivery of the final word is just fantastic.

I've decided to launch an attack that will reduce rock Ridge to ashes.

What do you want me to do,

sir?

I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the West.

Take this down.

I want rustlers,

cutthroats,

murderers,

bounty hunters,

desperadoes,

mugs,

pugs,

thugs,

nitwits,

halfwits,

dimwits,

vipers,

snipers,

conmen,

Indian agents,

Mexican bandits,

muggers,

bushwhackers,

hornswagglers,

horse thieves,

train robbers,

bank robbers,

and Methodists.

Could you repeat that,

sir?

I had forgotten that.

And incidentally,

nice editing.

Well done.

Oh yes.

So we didn't need birdsong because the razor blade had performed wonders.

Very good.

Uh,

Andrew,

Brown from Bratton in Wiltshire.

We've got a lot to get through today.

Have we?

Yeah.

Why today?

How they're supposed to any other day?

Because.

Yeah.

Get on with it.

Dear shepherd and clown,

your Witterings landed on exit pursued by a bear.

Yes.

It was particularly apt.

The stage direction is,

as you say,

from the winter's tale.

The bear chases a character called Antigonus from the stage.

Antigonus has been sent by his mad King to dispose of a baby on quotes,

the sea coast of Bohemia.

There is no such place by the way.

Uh,

and there never was.

Antigonus,

by the way,

is a minor character,

but Shakespeare gives him a bit of life by getting him to refer to breeding horses.

Whenever he speaks as he stashes the child,

the bear chases him off.

The next thing that we see on stage is an old shepherd who finds the baby and his son,

the clown who has seen the bear eat antagonist.

The shepherd marks the turning point in the play with the wonderful line.

Thou met with things dying.

I with things newborn from then on,

things start to get a bit better.

The second half of the play is funnier,

looser,

freer,

and in the end,

which is really the beginning,

Antigonus,

his widow,

Paulina sorts it all out.

So,

so something that appears to be the end actually isn't the end.

I don't know how Shakespeare would have managed the bear,

but I suspect that the logistics of getting alive untethered bear to cross the stage in the right direction would have defeated even Jacobean attitudes,

Delton safety.

In recent productions,

I've seen a teddy bear used and a giant,

not very scary.

And a giant back,

lit projected bear.

Robert plant was in the audience that night.

What most often an actor with some first somewhere.

It's never a very successful moment says Andrew.

It's a wonderful play though.

Often staged in rather dusty theaters.

I've noticed.

Thank you for the years of well produced,

good sense and good humor down with untethered bears and up with all the Paulina's of the world,

whatever color their hair might be anyway.

So there you go.

I just always remember that Shakespeare featuring the line.

Shut your mouth.

Dame,

which is,

I think it's Leah,

isn't it?

So the Lyra,

my belly,

it's Leah,

which it shut your mouth.

They were with this paper.

I shall stop it.

We just,

when we were school kids,

it was just like the idea of that.

Cause it sounds like it's out of a gangster movie.

Finally,

in this first part,

before we're joined by the rest of the world,

Adam and Natalie say on Friday,

the 1st of April,

your last show on the BBC,

my lovely fiance,

Natalie,

the last show.

Did you?

Yeah.

Well,

maybe it's April fool.

Okay.

Nobody.

Tells me anything.

My lovely fiance,

Natalie and I are getting married.

This is not an actual cool joke.

You really are getting married.

Are they getting married today?

Yes.

Okay.

Hence the on Friday,

April the 1st,

we have been together nine years.

However,

I began listening to you both before then.

So I guess that makes me an LTL.

I converted Natalie quite quickly in the relationship.

It was a make or break decision.

We've been listening to your brilliant podcast separately every week.

I know that Friday,

the 1st will be a day of celebration for you both.

I wanted to let you know that two members of your congregation will be

celebrating their first.

Step of married life in Rochford,

Essex,

please wish us luck and give us a massive wassup.

And also do you have any pearls of wisdom for a happy,

successful marriage?

Uh,

yes.

Um,

your wife is always right.

I'd written down,

go with the flow.

It's pretty much the same thing,

isn't it?

And,

and compromise on the food shop.

I hope that,

uh,

I hope that helps and,

um,

all the best to you both,

Adam and Natalie.

When,

when Linda and I celebrated a significant wedding anniversary,

uh,

very good friends from Shetland came down to have a party with us.

And they're all brilliant musicians.

Um,

it appears to me that everybody in Shetland is a brilliant musician and they had

written this lovely song.

It's a tune.

It doesn't have words to it,

but it's a tune.

It's absolutely beautiful.

And they'd written this for us as a,

as a present for us.

And,

um,

and I said,

that's lovely.

What's it called?

And they said,

I don't know.

What is it called?

It's now called Linda is always right.

Excellent.

Which of course is not only a good song,

I imagine factually correct,

factually correct.

Uh,

anyway,

that's enough of that.

And here comes the rest of the show.

It's two 34.

You were quite right.

Mark,

not to go to the loo when I said that you could,

thanks for bringing that up because I thought the news and sport was going to be

longer.

No,

but it was short.

It was shorter than normal.

So I'm glad that you weren't caught short.

Although you,

I guess you might still be anyway,

just nod a couple of times if you need me to fill,

uh,

anyway,

well,

hello,

welcome to the program.

And,

uh,

it's,

it's two 35.

Uh,

we're here for the last time.

Anyway,

what have we got on the show?

As far as you're concerned,

uh,

reviewing Morbius,

which is the new,

uh,

you know,

uh,

origin story starring,

uh,

Jared Leto,

true things,

which is new from by Harry Woodliffe,

who made,

uh,

only you,

which I liked very much.

Sonic,

the hedgehog too with,

uh,

Jim Carrey,

uh,

the bad guys,

which is an animated film and the novice about a freshman rower.

And we have a very fine pair of special guests.

Yes,

we do.

Um,

it's Daniel Radcliffe who plays a character called Abigail Fairfax and Sandra Bullock

who plays a novelist.

Called Loretta in the new film,

the lost city.

Uh,

you'll be hearing from them later.

You can get in touch.

Uh,

you can email me with bbc.co.uk.

You can text 8 5 0 5 8 or WhatsApp on 0 8 0 8.

State.

Almost good.

9 0 9 and 6 9 3.

You can tweet us at with attainment before it's shut down.

Uh,

or you could follow Mark who's Kermode movie.

And I'm Simon Mayo on the Twitters.

I'm not quite sure if I'm able to say that,

but there you go.

It's it's there.

So that's all.

Well done.

Um,

before we go any further,

this is James.

Who's 37 and a third,

uh,

dear fist or fury LTL FTE,

1994,

25 meter butterfly silver achievement award.

Do you remember when the,

when they started the,

these are my qualifications.

I don't remember when it started.

No,

it was back in the other building.

Really?

Yes.

Over at white city.

It was.

Wow.

And I can't remember.

There was something specific.

And I,

I feel as though it was something to do with,

do you remember when we got into the creationism conversation?

Oh heavens.

Yes.

Probably an intelligent design.

Yeah.

And I think,

and I said,

how did the fish get out of the water?

And I was roundly.

And I have a,

I have a feeling that people then started to write him with their academic

qualifications in order to explain how that was actually possible.

Yes.

Thank you very much.

I was put right.

Anyway,

then some James says,

um,

could I ask you to mention the wrecks in Wareham?

Yes.

The click of a,

a unicorn's hoof away from Narnia run by volunteers serving tea in fresh

enamelled tin mugs available at your seat without,

without it.

The arts university Bournemouth would not have produced filmmakers like Edgar

Wright and countless production staff.

I wept buckets to leave no trace as my companion embarrassingly crunched and

sucked popcorn in an attempt to hide a blush.

I adore this place.

It's rows of upright seats,

prim and comfortably upright.

That's upright twice in the same sentence.

By the way,

James,

are you subbing this letter?

I should have done a,

I fear for its future too,

as during a showing of nomad land,

a murder of crows somewhere upon it,

slightly crumbled roof was so in tune with the theme.

I assume that they were part of the soundtrack,

save the wrecks in Wareham and please Mark do click your heels and come a

stop westwards towards Mordor.

I will do anyway.

And well done James for actually using the phrase,

a murder of crows,

which I know is the correct,

yeah,

it's lovely,

isn't it?

Word.

And it's an unkindness of Ravens and a murder of crows,

right?

Yeah.

If you,

if you,

if you insist,

um,

well,

it's not that I insist that is what it is.

Is it?

Yes.

It is an uncut.

There's even a book called an unkindness of Ravens.

Steve.

I think Ravens could be justifiably annoyed,

annoyed about that.

What have they,

what have they done?

They look after the tower and annoyance of goats and irritation of wildebeest.

Seemed very unfair.

Anyway,

Steve,

how is it?

It's time for the box office top 10 in a moment,

but first this on escape from Mogadishu,

which you like last week.

Yeah.

Dear so long and thanks for all the fish was not quite being a masterpiece.

This film escape from Mogadishu is well worth watching.

And the fact that it could only be viewed at one cinema within 30 miles of my

front door is downright criminal.

The story is engaging throughout and the final scene is particularly moving

regarding the car chase scene.

However,

I didn't quite share marks.

Blimey Charlie.

Wow.

Yes,

it was wonderfully choreographed and brilliantly shot,

but I found that it stretched credulity,

a little bit too far.

I know that the pen is supposed to be mightier than the sword,

but I would have thought that books are mightier than bullets in a figurative sense only,

and not literally.

That's because what they do is in order to make it through the streets of Mogadishu without being shot down,

they get a whole bunch of books from the embassy that they were in,

and they gaffer tape them to the outside of the car.

Then you get this vision of these three cars completely covered in gaffer taped books,

plowing through this.

I mean,

it's visually,

and maybe there is a mythological truth there,

even if...

A greater truth,

what Werner Herzog would call an ecstatic truth.

That said,

I urge,

says Steve,

as he concludes,

as many members of the church as possible to see this film while they can.

Yes,

so that's right.

So the box office...

Oh wow,

we're allowing on.

We're into the 10.

I have no idea about timings on today's programme.

Okay.

At 10,

The Duke.

Which I think both you and I feel is,

you know,

solid,

true story,

stranger than fiction,

true story,

told pretty well with a great performance by Jim Broadbent

and Helen Mirren doing what Peter Bradshaw referred to as furious knitting.

And it's entertaining and nicely directed by the much missed Roger Michel.

And number nine is Jujutsu Kaisen.

Which I liked.

I mean,

as I said,

it is a prequel to a manga and anime series that are hugely popular,

but which I didn't know anything about.

But I just thought it was kind of visually interesting.

And there's,

I made a sort of fairly crass Harry Potter connection,

but it's in that sort of,

you know,

similar...

What's the phrase?

Wheelhouse?

When people say something is in the same wheelhouse.

Yes,

it's a strange...

What does that mean?

It means in their skill set.

It means that,

I think,

or it's,

this is what I'm interested in.

This is what I'm capable of.

But why,

what is a wheelhouse?

Well,

if I said to you,

could you come,

could you come over to my house and discuss the latest Premier League developments,

you would be justified in saying that's not in my wheelhouse.

Okay.

Meaning it's something I'm not interested in.

Okay.

And I cannot...

No,

but you're not answering the question.

What is a wheelhouse?

A wheelhouse,

I imagine is a nautical term.

Is that,

I'm just guessing that a wheelhouse...

Oh,

you mean like a,

like the...

Ship's wheel.

Steering wheel.

I'm...

I was thinking of like a wheel,

like,

you know,

like a,

a grinding wheel or something.

I don't know.

He can look it up when he's finished listening to Radio 2.

It originated in baseball,

apparently.

So,

it means the area of the strike zone where a particular batter is able to strike the

ball.

Hey,

badda,

badda.

Badda showie.

That's number nine.

Badda showie.

Number eight is sing 2.

Which I don't think is anything like as good as sing 1,

but you cannot argue with the fact that it's been in our chart for nine weeks and is still

doing pretty solidly.

So, yeah, it's fine.

may i recommend that you do um yes it has a terrific central performance by renata rainsfey

and uh it is technically the third part of joachim trier's uh oslo trilogy and there's this lovely

word that they use to describe the oslo trilogy which is oslonliness which i mean i don't believe

that i've been to have you been to oslo no okay the way in which the city is filmed perfectly

suits that word and it's a story of somebody at a certain point in their life wondering whether

that they have to achieve some kind of romantic success or has life already passed them by and

it's a it's a it's i thought it was really moving and you know really enchanting and it was a big

hit at can one best actress and i've read nothing but good reviews of it i don't think i haven't yet

met anybody who wasn't really really fond of it i thought it was really something uh kathleen says

mark i had the day off work so i took myself to a midday screening of the worst person in the world

well i think i got a new entry in my top five films of all time there we go i'm trying i'm 24

and never sure if i count as a proper grown-up yet but i'm certainly at a place where a coming

of age film for grown-ups is exactly what i need this film hit very close to home in the best

possible way my poor parents have similarly been put through a number of career-based

existential crises and i definitely had something in my eye moments during the scene where julie

confesses to me that i'm not a grown-up i'm not a grown-up i'm not a grown-up i'm not a grown-up

to never seeing things through on the other hand very quickly to contextualize that there's a

lovely montage at the beginning which we see our central character want to do all the like one

minute it's medics and then the next minute it's photography in the next minute it's something else

and the parents just sort of stand by and go okay you know fine yes here's another tenor on the other

hand i caught myself smiling throughout the film especially during the scene where time stands still

i think julie is one of the most painfully and beautifully real female characters i've seen on

sometimes mean and she's intriguing especially during the wedding crashing scene without ever

crossing into the realms of pixie dream girl the way the film handles relationships in all their

flaws was beautiful the scene of askel's brother and his wife reconciling on the dock will stick

in my mind yeah also it includes perhaps the most realistic breakup scene i've ever watched my only

regret is that i didn't stick around for the 5 p.m showing later in the day looking forward to the

future of wittertainment up with feminists especially those who aren't sure if they still

count as feminists

uh kathleen thank you very much we also have a lobby correspondent on this

by chapter eight or nine then i've just whatever happened i was in it just got totally sucked in

and now i feel uh feel quite affected but uh yeah i don't know is it a good film i'll know in about

three days is it one of those films that you'd have to wait for it to sink in well i think it

is a film which stays with you after you've seen it but i i was kind of

told completely the first time and the the emailer that we had who said it's gone into

their top five straight away also congratulations for bringing up the manic pixie dream girl which

was a which was a thing that we then sort of all forgot about funny if i hadn't thought about

until we were doing i think the very first secrets of cinema we did on uh on rom-coms

and the specter of the manic what are you pulling that face because my because child

two's just walked in oh hello child two how you doing child two's just in the building yeah

all right child two

i didn't try to take her pass off her um anyway so and so the specter of the manic pixie dream

girl had sort of disappeared and then was brought back remind us about the pixie dream there was

there was a brief period in which uh there was a figure in movies that was written about of the

manic pixie dream girl which was basically a male creation of a particular type of screen woman that

didn't exist outside of male fantastical imagination and then there was a lot of

articles written about well what does is this actually just a stupid you know uh

reductive thing to say or does it actually tell us something interesting about the way in which

chauvinism is rife with and there was a lot of arguments about whether certain films did or

didn't fulfill that that criteria those criteria all right okay anyway uh i haven't got the name

of that uh lobby correspondent but i shall find it in just they did sound genuinely quite bamboozled

yes i quite like that thing about coming out and sounding and i mean this in the best possible

sense slightly hazy or woozy from a film because it is true that if a film

all these years i feel we can say this if a film impacts upon you emotionally it the experience of

it is almost akin to a sort of a form of emotional drunkenness that it it engulfs your your senses

and one of the things i've always loved about the lobby lobby correspondence is hearing people

attempting to get to draw back from that to make some kind of sense of the thing they've just seen

and quite often the very best cinema experience is you can't

talk after them you you come out and you you know you do exactly what that lobby correspondent was

doing we say i don't know i don't know give me you know give me three days yes the whole point

the lobby correspondent it sort of goes against all that i know which is instant judgment tell

me now yes just forget all that nuance nonsense yes or no um so that's at number seven number

six is phantom of the open kate from newcastle um dear stop it and tidy up lockdown listener

first time emailer your review of the

phantom of the open and subsequent praise for the essential actor has prompted me to inquire

whether the church has bestowed forgiveness on mr rylance for following his comments about not

caring if cinemas reopened oh that's right yes drawing attention to his preference for theater

i recall at the time he said this your good selves thought that this was an ill thought

through comment considering his success on the big screen has raised his profile considerably

to make people interested in seeing him in theater yeah yeah that's the church bestowed

forgiveness for such a sin or has it been forgotten

a result of consumption of after show alcoholic lockdown beverages thanks for tom hanks and

smelly pants a lot of drunkenness in this but actually i don't think you're quite right

i had actually forgotten i had forgotten about that as well mr rylance did so which is it

just maybe he regrets that am i right in thinking because it's a crazy thing to say it's a silly

thing to say did you read an interview with mark rylance in which he was asked about doing

a spielberg film and he said something like well i could do a play or i could do this

and this would

am i am i misquoting this there was an interview with mark rylance which he did for desert

island discs he made which you can go back and listen to now on snails bbc snails in

which he had to make a choice between either this is this is me paraphrasing it he had

to choose between bridge of spies or some play which some other choice had to come right

right right and he said so he consulted the dice or some oh i'm sorry that's right he

consulted the dice something like that i think i've remembered this right and then he said

and made a decision based on that.

Okay, okay, fine.

But yes, I mean, also, the other thing is,

he is a very good actor,

and if we started cancelling actors for saying silly things...

There wouldn't be many left.

We'd be watching animations from now on.

Apparently, our lobby correspondent, I'm reliably informed,

was somebody called Brian Highland,

which, if I'm not entirely wrong,

once was responsible for a sequence of hit singles in the 1950s.

Brian Highland?

Brian Highland.

Do we think it's the same Brian Highland?

No.

But he's from Galway, so almost certainly not.

So who was Brian Highland?

I think Brian Highland did the original

of Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.

No!

It's before my time, but it won't be that Brian Highland.

But Brian Highland is certainly responsible

for a number of rather poor hit records.

But it won't be that.

That Brian was about 25.

And he did Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.

Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.

Polka Dot Bikini, that was then a hit for Timmy Mallet.

Yep, I'm right.

Apparently, that has been confirmed.

That is Brian Highland.

Wow.

OK.

In 1960, there he goes, before my time, definitely.

You don't get this from other movie shows.

Sheila Bushell, having seen the trailer for Phantom of the Open,

I thought it quite cringeworthy and creepy.

Oh, right.

I wasn't sure if I could sit through the whole film.

I've never been so wrong.

It's not a film about golf.

It's a film about having a dream and reaching it.

The love and devotion between Mark Rylance and Sally Hughes shone through.

The snobbery of the golfers was eye-opening.

Another wonderful British film, says Sheila.

It's funny because we sort of touched on this

when we were talking about whether or not

the way in which Mark Rylance plays that character

is as an innocent or as somebody who is a common.

You said that if you Google Morris Flitcroft,

it comes up, it tells you that he was, to some extent, a trickster.

Yeah, he was a hoaxer.

A hoaxer.

Sorry, a hoaxer.

That was the word I was looking for.

Thank you very much.

But in this case, he is played completely as an innocent.

I think that what Craig Roberts' direction does

is attempt to capture exactly that thing about following your dreams.

I mean, there is the most moving moment in the film

is when he is told off for having encouraged his sons

to believe that they could be champion disco dancers.

Why are you filling their heads with all this stuff?

And this refers back to an earlier scene

in which he's saying to one of the sons,

what do you want to do?

Do you want to be an astronaut?

Do you want to be a mechanical engineer?

What do you want to do?

Because certainly in the film,

the whole point about his character is you can be anything.

And you then say, well, that raises the question

of what kind of person watches the golf and thinks,

I could do that.

And the answer is either somebody who is indeed

a wide-eyed innocent, as they are in the movie,

or somebody who is, as perhaps was true in real life,

more of a...

Con artist.

Well, I hope so.

I love the fact that I don't have to finish,

I don't have to finish sentences anymore.

I literally just stop and you do.

But you stop just as it gets to the libelous bit.

I know.

You set up the sentence and then I say the libel.

I teed it up.

To do the golf analogy, I teed it up for you.

That's right.

But fortunately, if I say something libelous,

it won't be me that goes to prison,

it'll be Simon Poole.

Can I just ask, do you think he did get a hole in one?

Or do you think that's just a load of nonsense?

Oh, we've already, we've switched topics enormously

to a statement of the former president of the United States

who claimed to get a hole in one.

Well,

frankly, you can't believe anything he says,

so who knows?

Thank you very much.

Is that okay?

Yeah, that's good.

I think I can say that.

Number three is ambulance.

Felicity says,

second time emailer and super gutted,

this is your last broadcast in this current format,

but also not that gutted as I listen diligently.

Know that since it's not all right yet,

with attainment wise,

it's therefore definitely cannot be the end.

So isn't Felicity a smart listener?

However,

I wanted to send a quick missive to say how struck I was

to see moments of humour and self-referentiality

in a film I'd really not expected to contain such things.

Michael Bay giving nudges and nods and winks

to his own back catalogue in Ambulance.

The mention of bad boys,

as well as the recreation of the iconic exiting from a car shot

from below,

figure silhouetted against the bright sunshine.

The dropping and subsequent misunderstanding of The Rock

as being both the Bay directed film

and the actor slash former wrestler

as dropped by the sun.

The young cop.

And then there's a thing crossed out.

Looking forward to seeing what the third movement will say.

There's an awful lot of stuff that's been taken out of today's programme.

You and I both saw Ambulance together

because you were about to do the interview for it

with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Yes, that's right.

And I think...

And also Yahya Abdul-Mateen II.

When we came out of the film,

you said,

and you said this before I did,

because I was just saying that thing about

you come out of the film

and often you're not sure what to say straight away.

And you said,

I felt stupider at the end of that film

than you did going in.

And I think although it is the Michael Bay film

with which I have the least problems,

the thing that is undeniable about it

is it is way too long.

There is just no reason for that story to be that long.

And I was wondering how,

whether if that movie was like,

88 minutes long.

I think the original is...

80.

80 minutes is the Danish original.

80.

So this adds an hour to the original running time.

And I was wondering whether in that huge,

big explosion of a Michael Bay movie,

whether there is an 80 minute movie struggling to get out.

But the thing that,

the problem is if you cut it down to an 80 minute movie,

all you would get is first person view drone shots

flying absolutely everywhere.

And you wouldn't,

because all the stuff he'd take out

would be the very, very few still shots in it.

And somebody said to me,

are the performances any good?

And I've got no idea.

Yes.

I mean, I think they are.

I mean, I think...

Are they?

Did you tell as the camera was flying past somebody's ear

at a hundred miles an hour?

The thing is,

if you say it's Ambulance.

Ambulance.

Okay.

It's directed by Michael Bay.

It stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Yaha Abdel-Mateen II.

In an ambulance.

It's Danny and Will in an ambulance.

And it's two hours.

That's actually all you need to know.

And when you go and see it,

that's what it is.

Yeah, it's more than two hours though, isn't it?

Yeah.

But what I mean is,

it is better than you have expected.

It's better than you expected it to be.

So did you think it was better than you expected it to be?

Yes.

Okay.

Now, I may only say that because when you came out,

you did say,

I feel stupider than when I went in.

Yes, because you feel as though you've been...

It's like being hit over the head

with a stick of dynamite by Michael Bay.

We've got another...

With this terrible hair.

Sorry.

We've got a lobby correspondent

who's managed to condense their thoughts.

I don't know who it's from,

but it condensed their thoughts into eight seconds.

Okay, go ahead.

It was completely preposterous.

And I don't understand why nobody would have spotted

a green ambulance.

Paulie Telford.

Interestingly, one of the great plot points is,

we have to lose this ambulance.

How?

We'll spray paint it green.

That's right, because no one will see a green ambulance.

But nothing beats...

They'll be perfectly fine.

As you mentioned last week,

the whole point is you've got to keep the cop alive

because otherwise they'll be in real trouble.

So to make sure that they keep the cop alive,

they try and shoot all the other cops.

So that kind of is a problem.

Well, it is like the fast and furious thing

is that there are so many car crashes

that it's...

You just lose track of the huge row of carnage

at the end of it.

And when at the end, you know, your man is...

Well, actually, I can't tell you,

so I can't say that,

because that would be a plot spoiler, wouldn't it?

So it ends as you would expect it to end,

I think is the safest way of saying it.

Number two is RRR.

Rise, Raw, Revolt, which is a huge Indian movie.

It's a historical fiction action drama

about two anti-colonial Indian freedom fighters

directed by S.S. Rajmooli.

Last week, last weekend,

it topped the global box office,

I believe being the second Indian film to ever do so.

It is currently on track in terms of absolute box office

to become perhaps the biggest selling Indian film of all time.

There was a question about what the RRR means,

whether it's...

Because now it's referred to here as Rise, Raw, Revolt,

but apparently the RRR originally was the R

of the director's name and the two stars,

also, you know, I was going on about Gangi by Khachavadi

a couple of weeks ago.

So Ali Abad from that is in this

and it's got a great score by M.M. Kirivani.

And yeah, absolutely huge hit.

Straight in at number two. Sorry.

Number one is Batman.

Just want to mention.

Abina Botang, age 15 and three quarters.

A very long email, but says,

I was left flabbergasted at how off the mark

your assessments of this beautiful art house-like movie are.

We like to.

We like your opinion.

To all the detractors of Pattinson's Batman and or Bruce Wayne,

I have no idea what or how they were watching.

We didn't detract. We liked it.

He perfected the portrayal of real life adulthood

and ongoing trauma.

Is this email gone to the wrong show?

To conclude, this arresting film with its stellar sound design

and cinematography beautifully peppered with Western horror,

film noir and, of course, graphic novel motifs

is an absolute triumph demonstrated by the amount of times

many people have chosen to re-watch this almost three-hour,

Like me, as I said on the show last week.

First thing I want to say is,

Abina Botang, age 15 and three quarters, that's incredible.

I couldn't write like that when I was 15 and three quarters.

So, again, testament to the class of people who are listening.

But here's the thing.

It's a brilliantly written email, but we agree with it.

We agree with what you're saying.

Don't we?

Well, I think I might have said...

Oh, it's you.

Can't Batman just biff people?

Oh, I see.

Mark's concurrence with listeners.

Five out of ten scores.

I didn't concur with listeners.

Five out of ten scores.

OK.

Well, there you go.

Abina, I would say...

I feel like Dougal out of Magic Roundabout.

I didn't agree.

I didn't.

Where will I sleep?

What will people say?

Abina, I would say write in and complain,

but we won't be here next week.

How old was that emailer?

Fifteen and three quarters.

We are just not keeping up.

Stay with us.

Don't go anywhere because it would be very rude.

Mark, what are you reviewing?

I'm going to be reviewing True Things,

which is the new film by Harry Woodliffe.

And on the way, reviews of...

of Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Bad Guys and Morbius.

And also a chat with Daniel Radcliffe and Sandra Bullock.

All to come after the latest Five Live News.

Right, well, it's four minutes past three o'clock.

Brian Highland, just been messaged by the good lady

ceramicist here indoors.

Yes.

Also did Sealed with a Kiss.

Oh, I love that.

But not the Brian Highland who just rang us

and sent us the lobby correspondent report.

I love Sealed with a Kiss.

Did you want to address the comments to Abina Boateng,

our 15-year-old reviewer?

OK.

Just read me a couple of those sentences again

that you said, you know, if only...

How can 15-year-olds be this good?

OK.

To conclude, this arresting film

with its stellar sound design and cinematography

beautifully peppered with Western horror, film noir

and graphic novel motifs

is an absolute triumph demonstrated by the amount of times

many people have chosen to re-watch

this almost three-hour creation.

Thankfully, there are enough members of the public

who appreciated this auteur's vision

for the gradual metamorphosis of Bruce

into the billionaire playboy we all know

to be actualised in subsequent instalments

of Reeves' intended trilogy.

See this as a non-typical retelling

of the Batman's origin story

without the ubiquitous flashback of his parents' death.

How old is that email?

I told you, three times.

15 and three quarters.

I want to say this, which is, you know,

as things draw to an end,

there comes...

Of part one.

Thank you.

It is always astonishing to me

how great our listeners are.

But it is sometimes particularly astonishing to me

how great our young listeners are.

If I could have written like that when I was 15 and a half,

I wouldn't be kicking my heels in a studio with you

at the age of 60.

Yeah, well, that's...

You'd be writing incredible, best-selling books

for the New York Times or something like that.

Scratch that itch.

Good.

Like that very much.

Seemed to be an opera.

Do you know that?

Really?

Yeah.

There you go.

How about that?

Is this real?

Or are you making this up?

No, that's true.

OK, I don't know what to do with that information

and I don't know where this is going, so let's...

No, it's fine.

Well, the Itch story, which is on BBC iPlayer...

OK, fine.

...is going to be made into an opera.

Did I not tell you that?

You know, I would have remembered if you'd mentioned it.

They're casting it at the moment

and it's going to be on next summer.

How about that?

Is this true?

Yes, it's true.

I told you about it.

You didn't tell me about it.

OK, I would remember if you told me about it.

In which case, I apologise for not telling you yesterday.

OK, did you know that one of my books

is going to be made into an opera?

Yeah, no.

No, because it isn't.

It's not true.

You would have remembered if I told you.

All right.

Anyway, but thank you for mentioning that.

Coming up, we are going to be...

By the way, thank you...

Here's the catch-all thing.

Thank you very much for all the lovely messages

that you've sent us,

which we will keep and treasure

and will not be reading out on air.

But we will be concluding the programme

with a round-up of some of the things

that people have asked to hear again.

One of the things...

One of the things that isn't in there, I believe,

is me telling Richard Gere that he ruined my life.

I don't think that's in there.

Mayonnaise!

Exactly.

You will hear Daniel Radcliffe and Sandra Bullock shortly,

but Mark has something new to talk about, first of all.

True Things, a new film by Harry Woodliffe

who made the brilliant Only You.

This is adapted, very loosely adapted from the book

True Things About Me by Deborah Kaye Davis,

which Ruth Wilson, who's the lead actor in the film,

optioned and developed.

She plays Kate.

She is a 30-something woman

working in a benefits office in Ramsgate,

let that sink in for a moment.

She spends her days daydreaming of escape,

Googling holidays.

She's in danger of losing her job

because she's late and she's clearly not engaged with work.

Her mum and dad think she's flighty.

Her mum says that men find her difficult.

And then into the office comes a roguish character

played by Tom Burke.

Here's a clip.

Oh, sorry.

Computer's going out.

Computer's gone.

Right.

OK, so it usually takes about three to five weeks

for a claim to be processed.

And if you, you know, don't hear from us within that time,

you can just contact us via phone or email.

Do you have any other questions?

What are you doing for lunch?

What?

Er...

HE CHUCKLES

Er...

Well, I usually just eat a sandwich in the kitchen.

They don't give us very long.

Sounds worse than prison.

You want to go out?

Sit on a bench?

Well, I will keep that in mind, thank you.

All right.

The unmistakable voice of Tom Burke,

who, of course, was so brilliant in Joanna Hogg's The Souvenir,

in which he played Anthony,

who was this character that she never really...

And his absence was in...

His absence in...

Yeah, that's right.

He exists as an...

His absence in Souvenir Part Two.

He seems shifty and unreliable and possibly dangerous.

They meet and have an assignation in a car park

that becomes unexpectedly erotic.

He seems to be toxic,

but she is intoxicated by his presence.

She saves her name on...

She saves his name on her phone as Blonde,

which is basically how he's known in the thing.

And like her, we know very little about him

other than the way he makes her feel.

But he's completely unreliable,

he turns up, he disappears, he reappears,

he borrows her car, he disappears with her car,

he doesn't come back.

And she starts to crave his presence,

particularly when he's not there.

The film has been described by Harry Whitliffe,

who is a brilliant filmmaker,

as a cautionary tale about a destructive sexual relationship

that is so familiar as to be almost a rite of passage.

And she says that one of the subjects that it deals with

is how it's possible for a woman to be a victim of a crime,

and to attempt to define her identity through a relationship.

And that makes it sound like,

OK, it's addressing a particular audience,

but I think it works across the board, whatever gender.

Because I think anybody who has ever looked for

their own identity in somebody else,

or anybody who has ever invested their own sense of self

in a romance that is not, you know,

that is not a loving, nurturing romance,

will understand exactly what this is about.

Crucially, the central character isn't a victim.

She is driven by a passion to escape from the situation that she's in.

And she kind of, she's both an agent in

and an observer of these chaotic situations

that she finds herself in.

And I thought the drama was really terrific,

partly because it skates this edge all the way through

between, OK, I can see this, I can see the attraction,

but he's, you know, he's not there.

And he's not there.

He's a dangerous character, and he's unreliable,

and he's manipulative, and he's, you know, overpowering.

But all the way through it, you also get the sense

that she isn't just out of control.

And I think that balance is terrific.

I think Tom Burke, incidentally,

is channeling the spirit of Oliver Reed.

I think he has that same sense of danger

and also of isolation.

I think Ruth Wilson is terrific in the central role

because it's such a hard role to get right.

It's such a hard role to know

not play as a victim,

not play as somebody who doesn't have any agency in their life.

You have to play it as...

I mean, an awful lot of why I believe her character

is to do with physicality.

It's to do with tiny little gestures.

It's to do with looks and, you know,

the way in which stuff is communicated that isn't verbal.

It's brilliantly shot by Ashley Connor,

who does a great job of getting us into the intimate space

of the character.

It has a terrific score by Alex Baranowski.

Great needle drop.

This, of course, is something that Harry Woodliffe

is very, very sort of good with.

If you look at Only You and The Way In Which In Only You,

they use Elvis Costello's I Want You Here.

So when you say needle drop...

I mean, you know, like a pop record being played

as opposed to an original score.

Sorry, excuse me for using that jargon.

I thought it was really terrific.

I know that some people have, you know,

have found it a difficult film to get into

because there is underneath it,

there's a kind of psychological thriller element.

In fact, I think there's almost like a gothic horror thing

going on underneath it.

But that may be what I'm bringing to the film.

And it brings me back, as I've always said,

you know, films give you what you bring to them.

But I believed in the relationship.

I felt unsettled and, you know, edgy

in the way that I think the film wanted to.

I think Harry Woodliffe is a terrific filmmaker

and I liked True Things very much.

There's another actor who feels dangerous,

you know, in a good way.

Yeah.

Which is Tom Hardy.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

This, you know, he's just,

it just appears, you go,

this could go very badly wrong.

Yeah, and I think the interesting thing with Tom Burke

is that, you know, it may look on the surface

like there is a comparison between this character

and the character from Souvenir,

but they are completely different.

The only thing they have in common is

you don't know which way it's going to go.

You don't know what they're doing.

I think that is a very hard thing to portray.

But I think what Ruth Wilson is doing here

in being the person who doesn't know

is at least 50% of the heavy lifting.

Now, it's 40 minutes past three.

Our guests this week are Daniel Radcliffe and Sandra Bullock.

They need no introduction, so they're not getting one.

The film is...

Because normally when that happens,

it's someone who needs no introduction,

but, and then gives a great long introduction,

so they don't need one.

The film is called The Lost City

and you can hear my conversation with them after this clip.

Where am I?

You're on my plane.

It's nice, isn't it?

The seats are made of Mama Llama leather.

Well, I'm...

I'm getting off your plane.

Unchain me.

That's your seatbelt.

Did you chloroform me?

People actually do that?

Oh.

Oh, God.

Well, you know, it's a classic for a reason.

My body feels drunk.

It'll wear off in a bit.

Well, we've just heard a clip from your movie, The Lost City.

It stars and is produced by Sandra Bullock.

It also stars Daniel Radcliffe.

Hello, formal welcome.

Hello.

Formal.

Hello.

Yes.

You look as though you're in some kind of set already.

You look as though you're back in the jungle.

You look like you're in some sort of prison.

Yes.

It's a very...

They've done a very nice lighting job

to sort of make us look like kids.

Yeah.

You haven't got the smoke.

It's very nice to see you guys.

It's very nice to have you both back on the programme.

Take us into the world of The Lost City.

Sandra, you're one of the producers on the movie.

Why don't you start?

Introduce us to The Lost City.

The Lost City.

A cast of unlikely people

who probably shouldn't be in a jungle

with the exception of Brad Pitt.

It's a story of how do you dig out

of your own past and history

to start a new chapter.

And that's our lead character's journey.

Our female protagonists.

The male protagonists are quite a few.

There's Channing Tatum, who is a cover model.

There's Abigail Fairfax,

played by the incredible Daniel Radcliffe.

There's...

Mm-hmm.

There's Jack Traynor, played by Bradley Pitt.

And all these men are required

to put this woman in her place

or take her out of her place.

But it's a really nice adventure journey, comedy.

Lots of romance in ways that often you don't expect.

It's the old-timey way of making a movie

that we used to enjoy about 30 years ago, 20 years ago.

It's the old-timey way of making a movie that we used to enjoy about 30 years ago, 20 years ago.

That, for some reason, just came to a screeching halt.

And I don't know why.

Daniel, tell us about Abigail Fairfax, then.

An interesting gentleman.

Nice suits, by the way.

Yeah, thank you.

I mean, really, the suits were one of the...

Most of my acting.

No, the...

It's...

Yeah, Abigail is a character

who is the sort of least-favored son

of a sort of billionaire, mogul, tycoon-type person

who has sort of made it his mission in life to...

He's become obsessed with archaeology and history,

but for all the wrong reasons,

just because you...

He sort of wants to possess it.

And he thinks that there is a clue in Loretta's book

to finding a real-life treasure.

And so he does the only rational thing one could in that situation,

which is to kidnap the author

and force her to do his bidding on an island.

Of course.

And Saj was absolutely right.

I mean, it's her movie, but anyway.

But, you know, I think a lot of people will go,

oh, right, yes, I remember going to see Romancing the Stone.

I remember Indiana Jones.

These were great, fun movies.

Yeah, and they were great, fun movies,

but when you go back...

And look at them, sort of the...

Everyone had their place and their role,

and that's the only thing that we collectively felt

just couldn't survive anymore.

It had no place anymore.

So everyone's role was evolved and modernized,

and we took the modern version of who we are as people

and we placed it into a very wonderful throwback,

something that sort of you could go wistfully,

go back and go, oh, I love these moments,

or I love a dance sequence, or I love a chase.

I love, you know, and then put it on its ear a little bit

because the people involved were expressing it

in their own unique way rather than sort of the stereotypes

that had sort of come out of films like that from 30 years ago.

And were you always going to star in it, Sandra?

Yes.

Don't be ridiculous.

All that working for somebody else to take over.

How did you get involved, Daniel?

I got sent the script.

And, you know, it was a very, very easy, yes,

I think a sort of blanket rule I have generally

is like make the films that you would like to watch

as an audience member.

And I read this and I'd recently watched the Mummy film,

the first one with Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz,

and I also kind of had a reaction to that.

I was like, oh, this is great.

Why aren't there, why isn't there more stuff like this?

And then I read this and I was like, oh, this is in the same vein.

You know, it's genuinely sort of high stakes, perilous situations,

but everyone stays witty and charming.

And, yeah, there's just, there's, it's, and it's a, it's a ride.

So, yeah.

And knowing that Sandy and Channing were going to be the leads,

it was, yeah, as I said,

and would you like to spend three months filming in the Dominican Republic?

Yes or yes to all of these things.

It will strike a lot of people, Sandra, I think fairly early

that this is a totally original story.

It's not based on a novel.

It's not based on a comic.

It's not based on a fairground ride.

There isn't a musical.

It's not a remake.

Does that make it more difficult to get made?

One thousand percent.

It, what we kept hearing was there's no comp for this.

So we don't really know how to give you a budget

that would support the days that you need.

So you're going to get this amount of time.

But like most stuff that I've done,

there's never been an IP attached to it.

And as a woman in the business,

we don't really get IPs unless you recently have been

involved in a great Marvel film where you become the IP by proxy.

So yes, it made it difficult.

But a lot of times I find that you're left alone as well.

Like they go, oh, it's this film.

And we'll just pipe in whenever necessary, which I kind of like.

I kind of like being the underdog or the one that they ignore.

And then when you do well, they go, well, what happened?

How did that happen?

You're like, you're right.

It's a complete fluke.

But I think.

The fact that we were able to get the cast that we did

and we all were incredibly in sync with each other

during the filming, how we worked.

We all came with professionalism with the exception of myself and Channing.

So basically, Daniel was the only professional on set.

No, we all have a crazy work ethic.

And I think by luck of having been able to be in the business for such a long time,

you realize how valuable time is, how lucky we are.

We really appreciate it.

And I think that's one of the things that we've been able to do is we've been able to

be in the business for such a long time.

And I think that's one of the things that we've been able to do is we've been able to

play tennis with, you know, and and again, you brought up the pandemic.

We were just happy to be in the company of another human being.

And we knew the other person was safe.

We had a crazy testing set up.

We'd bubbled.

We were all living together ostensibly.

And it was scary and really exciting at the same time.

Now, a lot of people listening won't have seen the film just yet.

So I don't want this to sound like a superficial question.

But can you tell us about the purple sequined?

You mean?

The deep fuchsia sequined jumpsuit.

I'm sorry.

This is quite a ride.

I understand.

But yeah, it's OK.

Can you tell us about that?

And because it's basically the only thing you wear in the movie.

Fact.

It came from several layers.

You know, what should that character not be in?

What would make her most uncomfortable at the beginning of the film?

And what can she not wait to get out of that?

I love a jumpsuit.

I have you.

You know, anyone who.

Tracks fashion will go, why is she always wearing a jumpsuit?

It's the easiest thing to put on and the easiest thing to get out of.

And the color.

I wanted it to be something that was not in the jungle anywhere.

What can you not miss in the jungle is a walking disco ball.

So all those things combined.

And I had this flower arrangement that had died sitting in my house while we were doing the zooms with our costume designer.

And I was like, there's this pink that I think it should be.

And I literally was holding up.

Flower arrangements to the zoom and she would take photos of the pink.

And she managed in a pandemic where fabrics in Italy had stopped being produced sequence the way how are you going to find sequence?

She managed to find the only endless rolls of this fuchsia sequence that to her would not scratch gentle Channing Tatum's face.

She was very concerned about his face.

She just she I don't know how she did what she did, but she found it.

And she.

She made endless amounts of them, and it just they they were a character unto themselves.

It was pretty, pretty fantastic.

Danny, I was just wondering if you felt guilty at any stage whilst everyone Channing and Sandra particularly are climbing cliff faces and wading through leach filled rivers.

You seem to spend most of your time swanning around sitting in a chair.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I did feel very bad about that and mentioned it quite a lot.

I come in and I just have been.

Yeah.

And also not just.

I keep doing that.

Chandra and Chandra.

I keep.

It's OK.

It's our couple's name.

Yeah.

Not just Sandra Channing, but like the whole crew.

You know, they were they were doing intense, intense weeks with weather and heat and bugs and very, very and then I sort of feel like I'd come in for a couple of days at the end of the week in a beautiful suit with far too much energy.

Hello.

How's everyone doing?

Oh, oh, you're all very tired.

I see.

I understand.

So I'll rein it in a bit.

Yeah, I did.

I did feel often like I was just having a far too nice a time on this one.

But I did not complain.

But I.

To his credit, it is not easy coming in, being the one that has to come in with a mouthful of dialog like that in the middle of an energy that's been established and maintain it.

And he had to look like he wasn't sweating.

Yes, that was actually the main.

That was his action.

That was my acting. Yeah.

I don't I don't want to spoil anything, but Sandra, can you tell us about the leeches?

Mm hmm. Yes.

Well, I think we we've we've really blown that one to the world.

So it's not like you're revealing a secret.

There is Channing Tatum's ass.

And.

There are some leeches on it that we shot the second day.

And, you know, people think, oh, my God, you know, poor Channing.

I'm like, poor Channing.

I was on my knees for a good 15 hours on on rocks.

I'm the one that had to pull them off the correct way.

I'm the one that was face to face with his.

Parts, you know, any number of things could have gone horribly wrong, and it was my face that would have taken the blowback.

And nobody brings up the incredible.

Risk that I took during that scene.

No one cares.

So it is actually his backside and it's not a stunt double.

It's not every every part in my face that I could see was attached to Channing Tatum.

Yeah. If you look like that, you wouldn't use it.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

If you look like that, you don't want anyone else representing the hard work that went into that that physique.

So you have some memorable images which we don't which we don't share.

Yeah, we I do.

I do share them. I do share them ad nauseum.

And and I'm still trying to shake some of them, but they're there weren't in there.

Daniel, you've you've spoken in the past about wanting to write and direct.

I wonder where you are in that, in that plan, whether and whether working with Sandra and working with producers who are acting as well, where you see yourself fitting in in the future?

It doesn't actually make me want to produce it really doesn't.

I think I think producing seems like so many bits of the industry.

the industry that I really don't like like having those conversations about like if somebody said

to me there's no comp for this I would just I would still struggle so hard to just not lose

my mind immediately I mean yeah I so I've written something and um I hope to direct it in the next

couple of years would be ideal I mean I've definitely spent so much time on sets now and

with great directors that I feel like I could I could you know leave the set and do that and um

have to say though I wouldn't want to do like this film I would not know how to direct this movie

like the fact that the knee brothers on their their first week was like helicopters boats like

the amount of crazy yeah my films would be a much smaller scale for the first one he's gonna be

incredible I you you meet people sometimes and you just I could see Daniel mastering and feeling

so comfortable in that that tremendous amount of pressure it's he's that that's exciting for me to

imagine is is what he would bring to the screen knowing what I know of him now it's something to

look forward to

uh Daniel Radcliffe Sandra Bullock we appreciate your time thank you very much indeed for talking

to us today thank you for having us thank you thank you and they were having a blast you can

tell when you've done a few of these that whether whether the cast are liking each other uh or not

in the movies The Lost City and it's out in a couple of weeks time so Mark hasn't seen it so

he can't review it but who knows he may well be able to give his thoughts uh on that film

at some stage in the next few weeks that might be possible right and very interesting to note

because Daniel Radcliffe I don't I don't I hadn't seen this

anywhere before but he said he has written something and I knew he wanted to direct but

he did say towards the end of it so he has written something yeah and he would and he would like to

direct it uh anyway Mark will be reviewing that at some stage in the future stay tuned uh 327 you

want to mention a movie before the news The Novice a psychological drama coming of age rights of

passage movie from writer director Lauren hadaway making her feature debut Isabella Furman is Alex

doll he's a freshman with an obsessively competitive nature we meet her doing a test that

she seems to be taking twice only because of the fact that she's a young woman she's a young woman

she's a young woman she's a young woman she's a young woman she's a young woman she's a young woman

to discover that she is taking it over and over and over again in an attempt to get her grades up

it's a science test which isn't the strongest subject and yet for some reason she's choosing

to major on it so we see that she has an obsessive desire to to do better in everything we then see

her signing up for the rowing team because being part of the team can get you credits

and help with scholarships and in this endeavor she's partnered by Jamie who is a frenemy who

seems much more laid back but inevitably there is competition

in there and the cutthroat world of rowing starts to engulf our central character's life so

everything conspires to put her and her friend at odds the film won the best US narrative feature

prize at Tribeca last year and it absolutely bristles with energy and talent the way it's

shot and edited by Todd Martin and Nathan Nugent and Hadaway as well is one of the editors really

puts us inside the central character's obsession with driving herself to become

this rowing champion we don't so much watch her training herself into the ground as go through it

as go through the pain of it go through the exhaustion of it go through the collapse of

it with her you can feel the bleeding sores on her hands and you wince at the at the nail biting and

the sense of self-destructiveness and you feel both the exhaustion and the frenetic energy that

underpins it all great score by Alex Weston which does a pretty good job of cranking up the kind of

underlying horror elements I mean again I keep

saying you know you get from movies what you bring to them but again there's definitely a horror

undercurrent here as the film sort of seems to lead us into the mouth of Madness there's plenty

of very sort of deliciously ironic to use the phrase again needle drops you get Brenda Lee you

get Connie Francis right in the middle of all this kind of extreme um obsessive compulsive driving

force it's significant also that a lot of the gym training sequences take place in a kind of bunker

that is fed by a concrete tunnel which reminded me of a movie that I was watching I was watching a

kid me of the underpass from clockwork orange and I think that's not completely accidental because

it has this kind of dystopian future fantasy extremity element great performances I mean

at times it seems like a cross between gingersnaps and Mean Girls and Rocky and Marathon Man and it

has a really singular style and a really singular vision and I would expect to see much more of a

writer director Lauren had a way in the future because I think she's done a really terrific

job with this and really kind of you know made it into a film that has its own stamp and its own

vision Peter Stewart in Broxburn it was grueling but in the best of ways the mantra legs body arms

arms body legs will be echoing right ahead for weeks Mark might well note that this isn't a film

about a shark or rowing for that matter no exactly the greatest success of the film is capturing

intense obsessiveness the crushing fear of inadequacy and the feverish loneliness of young

about University rowers but should lose no relatability if you've never been to University

and never rode a single stroke again our listeners put it far better than I ever could and I live in

constant awe of them next half hour will feature a very emotional uh highlights clip probably and

also Mark doing what Sonic the Hedgehog 2 bad guys and Morbius uh it's all to come I did you

know I'd say text WhatsApp and everything else but frankly you're not getting on there's no

comments 331. well uh it's our final 23 minutes of the program but it's also uh Mark by the way

there is a big Morbius moment coming up in just a moment would you not say well there's a Morbius

review yeah I'm looking forward to it I'm looking forward to it very much uh so this is the this is

our last show as you know for the BBC it's also my last day working for the BBC after 40 years

I joined almost exactly 40 years ago joined Radio Nottingham

1982 thank you Arnold Miller and John Hobson I joined Radio One thank you Johnny Beirling and

Matthew Bannister who was responsible for putting us together he was remember that I do I remember

it really well um then five live thank you Bob Shannon John O'Wall and Heidi Dawson thanks for

the wine Heidi uh then Radio Two Bob Shannon again and actually no just Bob Shen it has of course been

an enormous privilege and an incredible education spoken to presidents prime ministers and pop stars

worked with extraordinary journalists

brilliant producers and exceptional studio managers everyone needs an extraordinary

studio manager and played tons of wonderful music and a lot of dross obviously but this

show is the longest lasting of all 21 years and it will continue details very soon but it won't be

on 909 and 693 medium wave or BBC sounds and as we have said many many times all our best stuff

comes from you the listener so thank you

long may you continue to provide us with all our best stuff which we will then monetize and sell

back to you that's the way is that kind of in essence what it's all about on the nail okay

anyway details and all that are still to come but first movies to do what's gonna go first Jared

Leto time come on okay don't get your hopes up yes come on Morbius um the see we know automatically

what you think by the way you said Morbius say it again I went to see this yesterday I paid because

it opened did it open yesterday yesterday was Thursday anyway so I went to the cinema to pay

I paid since somebody go and see it because it wasn't an early pressure I think they did a pressure

on Wednesday night so this is the I forget which universe is which now I really do but spider

adjacent origin story that I don't remember anyone crying out spider adjacent that's what I think if

now what it's called okay I don't know anyway so Jared Leto is Michael Morbius who is essentially a

thinner um version of that deeply uninteresting

enigmatic character he played in little things remember that you know which in which it was the

central mystery character was gonna look across between Jesus and Charles Manson but with a pot

belly and this is basically the same thing but sort of a bit thinner anyway he is a medical

genius with a rare disorder who uses bats to develop a cure for the disorder which does indeed

make him better but turns him into a blood sucker which is a downside his clip as a result of my

overpowering urge to consume blood for the first time in my entire life I feel good yesterday I can

barely walk today I don't know what I'm capable of I have the Constitution of Olympic athlete

increased strength and speed that can only be described as superhuman and all of this on artificial

blood

I've become something different

s

Mark

anyway first he he said oh well I'll just imbibe the blue synthetic blood which I made

and that which nearly earned him a Nobel Prize but then he walked off but then his childhood friend

Lucien who's called Milo he's played by Matt Smith Doctor who Matt Smith yeah steals the cure and he

steals the film and he's uh the president of the radio station and uh you know so there's all these

And he then embarks on a bitey rampage for which Morbius has to clean up the mess.

And so the film's directed by Daniel Espinosa, who made Life, if you remember.

And basically what it does is it recycles a bunch of riffs from other movies to which it cannot hold a candle.

So you get, you know, when Morbius first discovers his vampire powers, he does the thing that, you know, he's feeling really fit.

And he dances around, he jumps around the lab like a gymnasium, exactly like Jeff Goldblum did in The Fly back in the 1980s.

And there's this kind of fatal spark relationship going on.

But he's dangerous because he's exactly like they did in all the Twilight movies that everybody, except without any of the class or any of the charm.

There's a boat in it that's called the Murnau, which is OK, fine.

So now we're referring back to Nosferatu, which itself, of course, was the unofficial adaptation of Dracula,

which got banned over here because of a copyright suit, because, you know, Stoker's Widow said, I'm sorry, you can't do that because that's actually Dracula.

And then you've got the collation of the, you know, vampire themes with blood transfusion,

which, of course, was done a million times better.

I mean, Near Dark, the first film that Linda and I ever went to see, which will always have a place in my heart.

It doesn't help much that Jared Leto is paired on screen with Matt Smith, who's great.

Matt Smith, who, you know, was really, really good in Last Night in Soho and really enjoyed being wicked

and whose character has all the fun and the interesting stuff to do,

while Jared Leto just does the thing that Jared Leto does of walking around being a charisma vacuum,

who's got two modes of acting, which is overacting or nothing at all.

And, you know, you kind of think, well, if the other character,

it's the very Kim Newman thing.

I wish the film had been about the other person rather than about that person.

So it trudges.

It's a character set up, which is like, well, I know the character set up.

The character set up is that Morbius, the living vampire, has to do the thing and then he becomes the vampire.

And then there's a couple of end credit sequences, which are like, oh, yeah,

well, all this trudging that you did from this bit to this bit, well, you know,

it's great because there's going to be this other stuff, which I don't care about because, you know, I'm not coming back.

So Suicide League, Suicide Squads, Justice League, Suicide Squad League, Justice.

You know, it's he was the worst joker anyone had ever seen.

And there'd been loads and loads of jokers.

And he was the worst one anyone ever seen.

Of course, he did a brilliant Super Mario in the House of Gucci, which that was the superhero movie.

But the only remarkable thing, I mean, I found myself clawing my way through the film,

trying, desperately trying to stay awake because it's murky and muddy and messy and didn't make any.

Nobody's interesting.

And there's seven people in the audience and at least one of them left halfway through.

Only thing that's interesting about it is that it.

Co-stars Jared Harris.

OK, who's brilliant.

He's great.

Which means that not only is Jared Harris not the best actor in the world, he's not even the best Jared.

You mean Jared Leto?

It's not even the best Jared in Morbius.

It's oh, it's.

I just enough with the origin stories we didn't ask for enough with the, you know, enough with the doing the just enough, enough.

Enough.

What?

Enough, Jared?

Well, you know, maybe Jared.

Maybe Jared Leto will will do something really, really exciting.

But yeah.

And and actually the whole thing is, as I said, it's so naff that I even fluffed the Jared Harris line.

And there we go.

Still to come, some of our greatest hits.

Oh, dear.

I mean, greatest hits is a great name for a radio station.

It's also the way we're going to finish with some of the bits that you've asked for, which apparently are memorable.

OK, so we've got a couple of movies.

Have I got time to get into?

Two movies.

OK, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Also TV movie of the week.

OK, well, you better be quick.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 sequel to the Sega Video Game 2020 adaptation, which was a huge hit.

Wasn't very good, but was a huge hit.

I think my verdict at the time was it's not terrible.

It is bearable.

This opens with Jim Carrey's Dr. Robotnik on the Mushroom Planet where he's trying to make coffee, which doesn't work very well.

He has to get back to Earth.

This he does with the assistance of Knuckles, voiced by Idris Elba.

And together they look at go looking for Sonic.

Here's a clip.

I don't know how you got back, but you made a big mistake.

Mistake come in here.

Oh, contraire, mon frere.

The mistake was thinking you'd won.

I get it.

I don't think you do, but you're about to.

And so will that idiot sheriff and his wife.

And your little dog, too.

So then what you get after that is basically more of the same what you had before,

but with the addition of Knuckles and Tails, who has two tails and can fly with them as propeller blades.

And the plot is essentially a kind of a video game search.

So you've got a map, you know, you've got a compass thing.

You've got you've got a maze thing.

You've got an emerald.

You've got some life bonding lessons along the way.

And then there's a kind of comedy dance scene, which actually seems to have strayed in from another movie altogether.

And then there's a sequence.

Which is ripped off Raiders of the Lost Ark, in which one of the characters points out that this sequence is ripped off Raiders of the Lost Ark.

So that's kind of, you know, it's that nudge wink self-referentiality thing.

Jim Carrey has got this moustache that I'd actually quite like to see in a movie with Kenneth Branagh's moustache.

One of those.

For the Poirot films.

Because actually, I think that they could just about get away.

I mean, do you remember years and years ago when you and I were at Radio 1?

We went to see Ace Ventura, Pet Detective 2.

Terrible.

Yeah, and you hated it.

I did.

Well, I think we both hated it.

And Jim Carrey was doing this super gurning thing that he did.

And then he kind of toned it right back.

And he ended up doing a bunch of very interesting movies, like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, like Man of the Moon, like Truman Show.

This is kind of back to the thing that Jim Carrey did.

You know, all that kind of stuff.

And it is true that nobody does it quite like him.

But there's a reason for that, which is that it's, you know, it's slightly grating.

But it's way too long.

And it's not terrible.

It's not as good as the original Sonic, which wasn't.

I mean, when that original Sonic came out, you remember there was the whole thing that there was the fuss about they'd redesigned Sonic for the film.

So he didn't look like Sonic anymore.

And then they changed it back.

And actually, it did work as opposed to in Cats when they did.

They changed the design and, you know, nothing made any sense at all.

But the original Sonic was better than Street Fighter and better than Super Mario Brothers.

But it wasn't as good as Pokemon Detective Pikachu.

It wasn't as good as the Lego movie.

Well, this is.

It's kind of not as good as the first Sonic movie.

And it's way too long.

But it's fine.

It is what it is.

It's not.

It's better than Morbius.

OK.

Can I do the line from?

I was going to.

Honestly, I can't believe in our last show.

I messed up this joke.

What was the line again?

I'm going to do the joke.

OK.

He's in the film with Jared Harris.

He may not be the best actor in the world, Jared Leto.

But in Morbius, he's not even the best Jared in the movie.

Cut that into the review that I was meant to be doing.

Honestly, no wonder they're firing us.

There you go.

That's the perfect edit.

Isn't it?

It's 13 minutes to forward your TV movie of the week in a moment.

But I think you ought to keep going while we've got time.

Bad Guys.

New DreamWorks animation adapted from the children's books by Aaron Blaby,

with which I am not familiar.

Are you?

No.

Thank you.

Takes place in a world in which humans and anthropomorphized animals coexist.

Because, hey.

All these main characters are traditional bad guys.

So you get a zoot-suited Mr. Wolf, voiced by Sam Rockwell.

You've got a tarantula.

You've got a piranha, who can live out of water.

You've got a master of disguise shark.

You've got a safe-cracking snake.

They're all bad guys because these are bad guy characters.

So what they do is they embrace that role in life,

and they nick a whole bunch of stuff, and they get a bunch of treasure together.

They pull off heists for fun.

Their paths then cross with a do-goody guinea pig, Rupert Marmalade,

voiced by Richard Ayoade, who is being given a golden dolphin prize for being good.

And they plan to steal the prize, partly because it's so super well-guarded,

that that's what they do.

But the spectre of being a good guy has gotten to the wolf.

Here's a clip.

Being good just feels so good.

And when you're good, you're loved.

Wolf!

It's the bad guys!

Arrest them!

They stole the golden dolphin!

Come on, you can't prove that.

My baby!

On your knees, bad guys! With your hands up!

Never! We're out of here!

So long, suckers!

So Jared Leto is in a film with Jared Harris.

Yes.

And he's not the best actor in the world.

No.

But in Morbius, he's not even the best Jared.

In the movie.

Boom. And Tish, indeed.

So anyway, Rupert then, because of his do-goody credentials,

decides that what he will do is he will try to turn the bad guys into good guys,

but nobody is quite what they seem.

So it's an odd film.

It starts off with an extended rip on the opening scene of Pulp Fiction,

which I imagine most of the target audience won't have seen.

There is then, a couple of minutes in,

a scene in which a stone head flies towards the camera.

And I am pretty certain that that is a joke

about Zardoz.

Really?

Honestly, I'm sitting there watching it thinking,

okay, this isn't just me.

In the same way that when we're watching Space Jam 2,

and there was the nuns from the devils in it,

you think, I'm sorry, I actually think that is a joke about Zardoz.

It's very niche then.

The animation is kind of easy on the eye.

It's not that sort of, you know, 3D CG-tastic thing that everyone does nowadays

that makes everything look kind of photo-realistically unrealist.

It's got a zippy score by Daniel Pemberton, which kind of amps up

that throwback feel and adds a lot of kind of oomph to the action.

I mean, it's not groundbreaking fare by any means,

but it's kind of fun and it kind of moves along.

And so he's, Jared Harris is in a film with Jared Leto.

And so Jared Leto may not be the best actor in the world,

but in Morbius, he's not even the best Jared in the film.

Okay, I would say that the second,

second take was probably the best.

Which one are you going to cut in?

Just, just make it, just literally make an amalgam of all of them.

Well, like a montage.

Yeah.

We'll get to a montage fairly shortly.

We have got time for the last day of TV movie of the week.

Oh dear.

Your choices for the best free movie on television from this evening include

Get Out, A Fantastic Woman, 21 Grams, Sweet Country and All the President's Men.

Peter says,

Martian is just great.

It's a great sit down and enjoy Friday night movie,

an updated Robinson Crusoe on Mars.

Ridley Scott shows that he shouldn't have bothered with the alien prequels

when he can turn out quality entertainment like this.

His best movie since Gladiator.

The Life Dyslexic, given the context of the show,

Get Out seems the best choice as they are likely the last words producer Simon will say to you.

And then I've got a note here, Mark.

Not really, as Simon and Mark are unable to get rid of me.

Showrunner Simon is what I'm called.

As I'm being upgraded.

He's right.

Showrunner.

He is right.

Rita Lehman says,

Watched All the President's Men recently.

Holds up very well.

Andrew says,

My vote would be All the President's Men.

A classic.

James A says,

I for one don't want to be saying Get Out to you this week.

So more people should watch the excellent Chilean Oscar winner,

A Fantastic Woman, written and directed by Sebastian Lalo.

Which is a great film.

What's our TV movie of the week?

I'm going to go for All the President's Men,

which is,

it's 10 past 11 in the evening on Sunday on BBC Two,

because it's like a nostalgic throwback to the time

when presidential corruption was that innocent.

Four worst movies on TV next week.

Very briefly.

Next Karate Kid, Grown Ups, Daddy Day Camp or Yogi Bear.

That's it.

What are you going to go for?

Grown Ups, probably.

When can I avoid that?

It's so appropriate, isn't it?

10 past five in the evening.

10 past five in the evening on Saturday on Five Star.

That's all for this week.

Thank you for listening.

It's been a Something Else production for Five Live.

Mark, what's your film of the week?

True Things.

We won't be back next week or indeed any week here on Five Live

as we're moving onwards and upwards.

We'd like to thank you for listening to us for the last 21 years on this station

and hope you'll continue to do so in the future.

To finish, here are some moments from our time on Five Live for you.

That's it from me for now and that's it from him for the moment.

Stay tuned.

We'll be right back.

I'm a nominate.

He's great.

I love all my fellow friends and it's wonderful of them to nominate me.

The ABBA songs, no matter what you do to them, they are what they are.

You're sitting there from the perspective of the ABBA song

and Meryl Streep singing The Winner Takes It

or you think, you know what, this is actually really good.

Every single shot.

Wide open eyes.

Rolling head.

Fiddling fingers.

Jittering knees.

These ridiculous vocal mannerisms.

Everything that I'm learning.

You know, nothing moves in the movie.

It's just a series of static images creating the illusion of movement over time.

What you've seen in this isn't horrible, staggering inequality of just corpulent, filthy lucre,

but, oh yes, we both have the same issue, which is to do with being apart from our loved one.

Point number one, OK?

It's just the old trot at the barricades, isn't it?

I'm sorry, this is.

This was the point at which I started.

And then comrades come rally.

Sorry.

What I like about this email from Kate is that she has throwaway comedy like chucking away a lightsaber.

And then lines like this.

So I've never saved a galaxy by chucking away a lightsaber.

But as my dad lay dying, the only word I managed to mumble through the tears was dad.

His reply?

I know.

So this is my thank you to Star Wars.

To JJ, to the dark side, to my new obsession with Adam Driver, just thank you.

Plot holes, Jar Jar Binks and Ewan McGregor's English accent do not matter in a saga this epic.

Star Wars has been with me my entire life and I could not be more grateful for it.

Basically, this is what happens when civilizations are about to collapse.

In the case of Transformers 3, we all know that 3D is going.

It's going down the pan.

So this is the last.

Well, we don't, but you keep telling us.

Fine, okay.

Not quite the same.

Well, we'll have this conversation in a year's time.

But this is the raving death row.

Now, there's this film that you've been mentioning.

Babadook.

Just say it with an ordinary voice.

The Babadook.

Is out and this is what marked it.

The tagline is, you know, if it's in a word or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the Babadook.

I mean, it's no surprise.

I do hate it.

I absolutely hate it.

I hate it.

I loathe it.

I hate it.

I despise it.

I detest it.

I feel contempt for it.

I just, everything about it rattles, you know, every one of my cages.

And there's a number of reasons.

But let's begin with something that was said in that interview when you said to Jeremy Piven,

you said, you know, is it fair to say that this is how the women are portrayed?

And he said, oh, yeah, you know, what you have to understand is it's a male fantasy.

Well, firstly, that's not an excuse.

And secondly, that this idea that there is such a thing as a male fantasy,

which is everybody wants to be part of that.

I just totally reject.

I realised what I had never seen or couldn't see until today.

Are you ready?

You're going already.

I should try and get through this paragraph.

All along, these wonderful films have shown us that it isn't just Woody's story of loving Andy we have watched,

but is also.

A story of all parents who, as best friends and treasured possessions of their children,

dread that inevitable day when we, too, are played with no longer.

Isn't that something else?

Yeah, that's lovely.

Stinky, smelly pants we, smelly pants stink.

Smelly, stinky pants we toilet fault.

Stinky pants we toilet fault.

Oh, stinky pants we toilet, look fault, we toilet, look fault, we, we, we toilet, we stinky pants.

I have to say, that's a tirade of swearing.

I think we're getting the wind up, sorry.

We're getting the wind up, I'm really sorry, but it's nice talking to you.

Okay, we were given.

Ten minutes, and we've had eight and a half, which is why we're still asking questions.

Oh, well, I think we're running late, and we've got to go to the next thing.

Okay, well, could we perhaps just finish up the interview properly?

You're a timely guest on our program, Tom, always, but Mark, who's our reviewer, who did the interview with you for Toy Story,

he always says everything is going to be all right in the end, and if it isn't all right, then it's not the end, okay?

Ah, that's beautiful.

Listeners to this program know and associate you with being the voice of reassurance and optimism,

and this is specifically to Mark, and to people who are not sure whether it's going to be all right in the end,

what would you say, either Mr. Rogers or Mr. Hanks?

All right, there you go.

You still cheering?

You ready for this?

Mm-hmm.

Four words.

This too shall pass.

You having a rotten day?

You having a hopeless day?

This too shall pass.

You having a great day?

You feel on top of the world?

This too shall pass.

It evens out.

Life is a big bell curve.

No matter how dark, no matter how wonderful, this too shall pass.

Do you find that difficult to believe sometimes?

No, no.

I live and breathe it.

I think that we've either sowed the wind and will reap the whirlwind,

or we have sowed our fertile field and shall reap a harvest of gold.

Preach, Tom.

So here we go then, picking up where we...

Have you retweeted it, by the way?

I haven't done anything on Twitter yet.

I'm finishing doing the programme first.

But some things are more important.

The most important thing is that I was telling you

that I was having an emotional reaction to that montage.

Yes, me too.

Yeah, and then I thought it was all finished,

and I had sort of my...

Closed down.

Yeah, and then in comes Paul with a stick and says,

right, dance, monkeys, dance.

Do the funny thing at the end.

Can I say something?

Since you did the end of the 40 years at the BBC thing,

yeah, that's rich.

Great.

Can I say something?

Entirely.

Certainly.

I mean this quite genuinely.

Okay.

Just bear in mind, we're all emotionally vulnerable,

so, you know, take it easy.

I'd like to thank my family for putting up with me

all these years through all of this.

There you go.

Excellent.

Now that when they listen...

But do they actually listen to the podcast?

We'll find out.

We will.

We will now find out.

I have to say, there was the most brilliant thing.

I'm going to just tell Simon something now,

but you're going to have to bleep it out, okay?

So I got this brilliant thing from Child 2, okay?

Child 2 is, you know, kind of fantastically literate on music anyway.

So Child 2 went to a gig in Manchester just yesterday,

and he sent us these pictures from it,

and it's from an artist he particularly likes.

You can leave a list.

It's called JPEG Mafia, okay?

He said,

I just saw JPEG Mafia, one of my favourite artists.

He's one of the best shows I've ever been to.

Just him and a laptop and the new punk.

It's the new punk, right?

And he writes underneath.

He's also got a massive

Einsteinsende Neubauten tattoo on his arm.

So I'm going great.

And here's the bit that you'll have to bleep.

Also, there was a f*** Morrissey chant

when he played his classic,

I cannot...

I was unaware of that, Jude.

That's actually a thing.

You have to take all of that out, but...

I have raised you well, youngling.

So we're going to find out

who gets to the end of the podcast.

We really are.

At that point.

So I guess because this is going out after the show,

I am now out of contract.

I am now...

This is one of the strangest days of my life.

I'm actually not employed by the BBC anymore.

Okay, so in that case, say something politically...

By the way, on the subject of WTF,

which I had to drop from the show

because we were running late.

I'm feeling a little bit hysterical.

We did solve...

The last one was solved.

Thank you very much to everybody

who answered Henry's question about...

Oh, I can't even remember.

Anyway, loads of people replied

saying that the film is

Irma La Douce starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine.

Okay, fine.

I wish I should know that because I've seen it.

So some really easy ones have been suggested here.

Dave.

Dave says,

Sean Connery in a red nappy.

Zardoz.

Richard says,

this film is based on a computer game

and involved pirates and treasure.

It was released in the UK, I think, 22.

Spent a significant period at number one.

It's widely available in the Narnia districts of the UK.

Yeah.

So I will get round to doing Uncharted.

Okay.

Adam offers...

Is that Uncharted?

Because I haven't seen Uncharted.

Is that what it is?

I don't know.

Is that Uncharted?

Is that what that one was?

It was.

Okay, fine.

Adam says,

it's a movie that features

three men bonding or not bonding

on an unorthodox fishing ship

that all goes wrong.

They don't really like each other.

There's ill-timed singing.

One of them may have been very friendly or not

with another of the men's wives.

And the boat's too small.

Here's to swimming with bow-legged women.

That's Jaws.

Thank you.

David says...

Cage goes in the water.

A young girl starts...

A young girl in the cage.

A young girl starts acting odd,

levitating and stuff.

So her worried mother seeks medical help

only to hit a dead end.

A local priest thinks that the girl

might be seized by the devil.

And the priest makes a request

to banish the demon

and the church sends in an expert

to help with the difficult job.

I mean...

It's the omen.

That's going to have to remain a mystery.

It is.

Are you ever going to watch it?

Are you ever going to watch The Exorcist?

I think it remains funnier that I don't.

Yeah, but it would remain quite funny

if you saw it and just thought,

it's not all that, is it?

And it probably might be at this point.

I've seen clips from it.

I feel as though I've seen most of it.

Anyway,

is there anything else

that you wanted to say before this?

The final spool of tape

winds its way through the machine

at 15 IPS.

We're about to do the final DVD of the week.

Let's say,

I love Linda very much.

Okay.

So that's...

You can tell...

I mean, you can tell her...

No, but it's the thing about, you know,

it's like...

Because she'll probably keep this podcast.

Here's the thing that...

In a box.

Linda said to me this morning

when we were...

It was five o'clock I was going out.

And she said,

do you remember when we were first going out?

And I was quite impressed

that you were on Radio 5.

As it was called then.

I was actually right at that point.

It was.

She said, yeah.

Do you remember?

I was quite impressed

that you were on Radio 5.

She was easily impressed.

Her standards are higher now.

She's from Bristol.

Now it's time for the final ever DVD of the week.

Let James' last theme

from Prisoner of Second Avenue

ring out one last time.

I'm going to...

I'm going to start crying.

This is ridiculous.

You wait for the jokes.

I can't do this.

Hey Mark!

At times like this one

can't help but reflect back on life.

Hearing that Toy Story 3

email in the montage...

Was it a three?

Yes, it was a three.

It was because it's the end.

It's the Winnie the Pooh ending.

Then they made it all right

because they made Toy Story 4.

It made me think of when

children one, two and three were little

and I used to sing along with them.

Songs like

Old MacDonald Had a Dolphin.

That was great.

I remember once...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Do that joke again.

Do that joke again

because I really enjoyed it.

Songs like

Old MacDonald Had a Dolphin.

I did find myself this morning

looking up dolphin noise

and they don't sound anything like that.

They click really more than screech.

I couldn't do a clicking noise.

I remember once when Child One was

well, trying hard

and I was like,

one day,

a little voice chirped up from the loo.

Where does Pooh come from?

So as a good father,

I saw a learning opportunity

and looked up a sensible explanation

on BBC Bite Size.

I said to Child One,

Pooh, also called faeces,

is the waste that remains...

You went all Sean Connolly,

also called faeces.

...has been digested

and its nutrients absorbed by the body.

Pooh contains water, fibre, bile and bacteria.

Many types of bacteria

live in your digestive system.

Some of these help you to...

be healthy.

Specialist doctors use

the shape, colour, smell and texture of Pooh

to help diagnose disease.

Normal Pooh is like

a soft, smooth sausage.

Or it might be...

Where on earth is this going?

...sausage-shaped with cracks in the surface.

There had better be a really good reason for this.

Separate hard lumps show

that you're not drinking enough water.

Mushy or liquid Pooh

shows that you have diarrhoea,

perhaps caused by an infection.

OK, he said.

What about Tigger?

I mean,

I think there's an awful lot of

unnecessary turdery and all that.

It was kind of overwritten, really, wasn't it?

And, Mark,

you wouldn't think that telling dad jokes like this

would get you into a lot of trouble,

would you?

But, I mean,

and life-threatening trouble as well.

Last Saturday,

I walked into a pub,

ordered a pint,

and this huge bloke walks in

and he spots me and goes,

Oi, Mayo, this is my local.

You're welcome to come in here and have a beer,

but you'd better not tell us any more

of those DVD of the week jokes

at the end of the podcast, got it?

No more puns,

no more jokes.

I ate them.

They make me very angry, OK?

Have I made myself clear?

He picked up a pool cue.

No, I said,

I can still see you.

So, the whole,

the accent thing and everything

was for that punchline.

I made myself clear.

No, I know,

I understood it.

I just thought,

I can still see you.

It was like,

so, firstly,

we had the poo joke,

which went on for way too long

and then was actually quite funny.

And then we had that,

which was short, but...

Jared Harris.

That's right, yeah.

So, Jared Leto.

He's been the best actor in the world,

but now he's in a film

in which he's not even

the best Jared in the film.

Yeah.

And normal...

I can't believe I asked that up.

Normal Jared Leto

is like a soft, smooth sauce.

Mushy or liquid Leto

shows you have diarrhoea.

Possibly caused by an infection.

Anyway,

Crispy Huon says,

a music-centric...

Crispy Huon?

Chris McHuon.

What is it?

Crispy Huon?

A music-centric documentary.

A music-centric double bill

of polystyrene and sisters

with transistors

for my DVD of the week.

Very good.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

There is a point to this feature.

Yeah, sorry.

David Roy.

Won't be the same as seeing it

with a raucous crowd

whooping and cheering

every time someone old or new appears.

But for sheer fun,

it has to be

Spider-Man No Way Home.

And Nigel McD says,

it's obvious it's Spider-Man

because sometimes

there is a new home waiting

when the one you have lived in

and nurtured for over 20 years

is no longer available.

Take it.

Tonk and hello to Jason Isaacs.

Long live.

A wit attainment,

says Nigel McD.

What is our DVD of the week?

Polystyrene.

I'm a cliche.

Why?

Because I loved it.

It was great.

Also, I love sisters with transistors.

Do we get into trouble

if we say...

Because guaranteed

no one will have monitored us

at this point.

What are they going to do anyway?

When you say we,

what you mean is you.

Yeah, that's right.

So...

I'd just like to say

for the record,

I'm playing everything by the book.

Whispering it doesn't make it better.

Doesn't it?

No, it's just like,

why is that better?

It's like...

Okay, well,

let me just...

Let's leave our listeners with this.

Thank you very much indeed

for downloading this podcast.

Yes.

It was a very early podcast.

In fact, dating back to the time

when we didn't really even understand

what a podcast was.

No, we didn't really even understand.

We didn't know at all.

What actually happened was that

whoever it was came to us and said,

we're going to do this program as a podcast.

And we went...

Whatever.

All right.

Also, this was at a time

when the BBC would tell...

This is genuinely true,

I think this is fine to say.

They said,

you can't call it a podcast.

You have to call it a download

because a podcast is like advertising Apple.

That kind of thing.

And we said,

well, you can't really control

what people call this.

So if people call it a podcast,

it kind of is a podcast.

Yeah, exactly.

So for the people

who have been the long-term listeners

and have been with us

since the very beginning,

thank you very much indeed

for being there

and supporting us

and sending us top ideas

which we have used

in the program.

So Jared Leto

wasn't never the best actor in the world,

but he's in a film with Jared Harris,

so he's not even the best Jared in the film.

That's right.

Would have been so great

if I delivered that properly.

And he was in Chernobyl.

He's great in Chernobyl.

He absolutely is.

Absolutely.

You can imagine Jared Leto in Chernobyl.

That would have been a very different film.

That would have been very entertaining.

But thank you very much indeed

for downloading this podcast.

And the good news is

there'll be others along shortly.

I got a message

from your other half.

Shall I read it to you?

Yes.

I won't read the whole thing to you,

but I'll just read...

Is it Don't Bother Coming Home?

No, from your other half.

Oh, okay.

Not my other half.

Your other half.

Shall I read it to you?

Go on.

There's some other...

It says,

Simon thinks you're the best

and you're very important to him.

He's just not very good at saying it.

Oh, well, no.

That specifically ties into

the fact that on the press release

for the new thing,

your quote is

fulsome in praise of me

and my quote doesn't mention you at all.

And so I would like to...

This is after all this time.

I know.

But what they did is they said,

could you give us a quote?

And I said, yeah, okay.

And I gave them a quote.

I didn't realise what you'd said

because we weren't there at the same time.

So I would like to say...

So here's the full version of my quote.

Here's the full version of the quote.

The full version of the quote.

Everything that I said is true,

which is blah, blah, blah,

like spangles, blah, blah, blah,

sparkly, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And what a privilege it is

to continue to work with

the world's number one film critic,

Mark Kermode.

That's the full version of the quote.

You know, the key is sincerity.

Once you can fake that, you're made.

Boom.

Tish.

I'm Livvy Haydock

and this is Gangster.

In this podcast series,

we tell the extraordinary story

of Paul Massey,

a gangland Mr. Big.

I've got personal friends all over.

And then personal friends

wouldn't lie in bed at night.

That's what happened to me.

His rise from the streets of Salford

to the head of an organised crime group.

These people are the original Sopranos.

That's no exaggeration.

A journey into a dangerous underworld

where a code of silence reigns.

You work for us now.

Any questions?

Of course you don't have any questions.

Gangster.

Listen on BBC Sounds.

.