Stunned into Silence: “The Why of Forgiveness”

Good morning, church.

That is one of my favorite all-time songs, so I'm very happy that we're singing it today.

First, I just want to say I grew up in the Church of Christ and always wanted the ability

to address my church or lead singing or give a communion devotional, but because I was

a woman, I didn't have the opportunity.

So I am very lucky to have found a community that recognizes and uplifts women's voices.

My name is Kylie, and my wife, Catherine, and I are fairly new to the Manhattan Church

of Christ, and we have already been very, very blessed by this community, so thank you

to all of you.

Today's reading is a quote from Frederick Buechner from his book, The Magnificent Defeat,

and it reads,

The love for equals is a human thing, of friend for friend, brother for brother, sister for

sister.

It is to love what is loving and lovely.

The world smiles.

The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing.

The love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, and the

unlovely.

This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world.

The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing.

To love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice without envy with those who rejoice.

The love of the poor for the rich.

The black man for the white man.

The world is always bewildered by its saints.

And then, there is the love for the enemy.

Love for the one who does not love you, but mocks you, threatens you, and inflicts pain

upon you.

The one who succeeds when you fail.

The tortured's love for the torturer.

This is God's love, and it conquers the world.

When Carl Sagan wrote,

When Carl asked me to give my testimony today, I was delighted because the topic of forgiveness

is something I've been studying very closely for myself.

You see, there's a facet of me that has been historically denied access into faith community.

Because I'm gay, I've been asked in many other churches to not partake in communion.

I've been ostracized from, oh goodness, this is the first time I'm saying any of this out loud.

I've been ostracized from small groups, and looked over because of my sexual orientation.

I spent years yelling and pleading with God to give me answers, but instead, I was given

silence for a very, very long time.

I was told by my spiritual mentor I was going to hell.

I was told to just try not to be a Christian.

That isn't already pretty good right there.

Newsflash, it didn't help me.

I was bitter, and I harbored so much ill will, not necessarily toward God, but to the people

meant to represent him.

I always knew God had a plan.

That doesn't mean I always fully trusted that plan, but I knew there was one.

My anger was with his representatives, the ones who refuse to research this topic and

have an open mind about the text.

the people who were awful to me and tiptoed around me

and refused to do the hard work of learning.

My anger grew and grew,

and I abandoned my church and my Christian values.

Through it all, I never doubted God's existence,

but I couldn't make sense of anything anymore.

I was allowing my pain and hatred to consume my entire being,

and I was a noticeably different person.

I was convinced my anger was justified

and was absolutely indignant to think otherwise.

I had been burned by the people I thought were supposed to protect me,

and the fire that they burned me with,

I was allowing to ruin my life.

It has taken me over a decade,

but I've been slowly able to release the hurt that was done to me

by doing my best to understand who God is and what he's really about,

and within that discovery process,

I've begun to heal.

I still struggle with feelings of resentment and pain,

but I do daily thank God for his grace and patience

because he knows I need a lot of both.

Many, if not all of us, have been a part of some group

that has been disenfranchised, hated, or uninvited to the table.

We've been hurt by our parents or our siblings or our friends

or public figures, or worst of all, in my opinion, the church.

And that sounds like someone else I know,

someone whose best friend denied ever even knowing him,

someone who constantly showed compassion and forgiveness

for the most serious of sins,

someone who died and bled and rose from the grave for our forgiveness.

Jesus is the ultimate and perfect example of what it means to forgive.

I'm a bit of a film and a theater nerd, or a snob, as my wife would call it,

and I believe one of the greatest forgiveness stories is Les Miserables.

It's a musical that follows a convicted felon called Jean Valjean

who is imprisoned for stealing bread for his family.

When he's released from prison, he's taken in by a bishop of the local church

who catches him stealing silver candlesticks from the church.

Now, this act could immediately send him back to prison,

but instead, the bishop shows Valjean radical forgiveness

and makes him vow to use the gift of God to save his family.

He uses the candlesticks to become an honest, God-fearing, and selfless man,

which he does.

During all of this, Valjean is being chased by a detective called Javert,

who is determined to find and imprison him for breaking his parole.

Javert shows no signs of mercy,

and his obsession and refusal for forgiveness eats him alive.

His lack of humanity culminates in a wonderful song called Stars,

wherein he takes his own life.

Javert's unwillingness to forgive is beautifully compared

with Valjean's actions of sacrifice and love.

Valjean shows forgiveness by a Christian,

and it altered the trajectory of his entire life

and the lives of those around him.

So here's my question for everyone, including myself.

What does radical forgiveness look like?

How do our lives look differently when we forgive the greatest sins against us?

What does God's forgiveness look like?

Will we ever be able to truly forgive like God?

Of course not.

Should we try?

Absolutely.

Jesus calls us to do two things, just like in the song we just sang.

To love God and love people.

And that command has no conditions tied to it,

because God's forgiveness has no conditions tied to it.

One of my favorite lyrics from Les Mis is,

to love another person is to see the face of God.

My prayer is that God gives you the gift of forgiveness

so the world can see the face of God through you.

Thank you.

Good morning, church.

My name is Raphael, and I've been going to this church ever since I was a kid.

Good morning.

I haven't been around in a while, so it's really good to see everybody's face.

Yeah.

I just want to say that I'm grateful for the consistent love that this church has shown me

throughout the years.

It's like it's always a place I can come just to feel welcomed and loved and cared for.

Today I have a reading for you guys from the late activist, educator, and scholar,

Bell Hooks.

He once said,

For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked.

How do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing,

and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?

For me, an answer to this question lies in the rejection of fear and the acceptance of love.

Lately, I've been sorting my thoughts, intentions, and feelings into two categories.

One fear and one love.

This has allowed me to recognize how both fear and love influence my view of the world

and those in it.

Fear will control you, it will aid you, and it will break you down.

Hate, discrimination, and complacency are rooted in fear.

Love, on the other hand, will bring you peace and clarity.

Forgiveness.

Understanding.

Compassion.

And action.

Are rooted in love.

If we choose love and all those things that are in alignment with love in moments where

fear seeks to blind us, we too can be active contributors in the betterment of this world

and the much-needed unity of the people of our nation.

Today, I just ask you to be aware of the ways in which fear manifests itself in your own life.

And always remember that love is your priority.

Love is your priority.

Love is your power.

Love is your strength.

And in love, you can do no wrong.

Thank you.

Time of challenge with our nation and with our community, these acts of violence and

violence, and it's really tough.

Forgiveness is one of those really interesting things.

To realize we're in a moment of death.

It kind of requires a lot of faith, a lot of nuance, and a lot of imagination.

And Jesus says things like, if you don't forgive, then God won't forgive you, right?

Or if someone doesn't repent, then you can't forgive them, you know, as Jesus said.

And when Jesus asked us, how many times should I forgive someone, he said, well, you know, seven times?

And we said, no, 70 times seven.

And I do, that's, you know, that's pretty clear, pretty linear.

I think Jesus is trying to stretch our imagination a little bit.

And I think, you know, this is just me talking.

I think Jesus is being a...

I think Jesus is being a little bit hyperbolic, like some of his parables.

Now, some of y'all may disagree with that, and that's cool.

We can have that conversation a little bit later.

But I don't think that God's nature is limited by your limitation.

If someone has abused you, and you're having trouble forgiving them,

I don't think that...

God wants you to be unforgiven while you wait for that to happen.

Amen?

So when I say hyperbolic, I'm not...

You know, Jesus is true in the way of life.

We know that.

But how he expresses things sometimes are ways to capture our imagination

so we really, really, really hear it.

Right?

70 times seven.

I mean, I had a brother one time growing up in Louisville.

You know, we've, you know, had...

Challenges with certain experiences in church.

And someone done something, and, you know, he said,

well, yeah, well, you know, I want to forgive.

No, you know, 70 times seven.

And he was actually, count one, two.

And he said, no, it was only three times.

I mean, someone...

I mean, and I think that's our nature, right?

To have a formula, click it, check the list.

Was it 70 times, 145?

And I think it's challenging.

But forgiveness sometimes has the runs,

the risk of being another formula of how to do manual.

You know, with all of its necessary binaries as well.

But I believe Jesus has a little more imagination

and doesn't want forgiveness to be weaponized

into a checklist of things.

And if you don't do those things, then what happens?

Sometimes you're re-traumatized by the very thing

that you were trying to get forgiveness from,

trying to overcome.

I think I need to say that again.

Sometimes if you don't...

I've experienced in my life where you got to forgive

and got to, you know, but then again, I can't forgive.

So then what happens?

What are you doing wrong, right?

Well, then you can't forgive so that God will forgive you.

And you see how that happens, that circle,

the circle of impossibility.

And I don't think that's what Jesus had in mind at all.

I don't know.

Brother Everett back in my youth

would probably disagree with that.

I think to recognize God's nature,

his mercy, his love, as a feature.

For me, it's been kind of a mindset.

It's a feature.

It's not something I do.

It's something that's part of the expression.

There was a...

Do you all recall...

Hey, Jason, did we have those...

Those photographs are...

Hey, Hans, what's up?

You're not Jason.

You have those pictures that I...

Yeah.

Remember that story a little while ago, years ago?

This is Botham John's brother, Amber Geiger.

She, an off-duty police officer,

charged in to what was his apartment

where he was eating ice cream and shot to death

because she thought it was her apartment, you know?

And, you know, it's, you know,

and the other one, Brother Hans,

you know, in this, you know, very emotional scene,

you know, even the judge is crying, right?

So it's sort of, you know,

so there's some impartiality there.

And the other one, Brother Hans,

and this is around this, you know,

remember the time when Dylann Roof came in

and charlatanized and shot the people in their prayer group?

And so what happens is he's being sentenced.

The families of the victims that Dylann Roof shot

and murdered so horrifically

offer him this forgiveness,

this kind of public forgiveness.

And I think, and again, that was, what?

It was a powerful expression of forgiveness,

a powerful, you know, and I recall churches, communities,

and including this one, and myself, you know,

marveled at the beauty of, like, this is what Jesus,

this is this powerful expression

of just unfettered forgiveness and love,

and yeah, I love it, which is true.

And I think those individuals needed to be,

released from that hatred, so this was,

and also, there was a wonderful witness,

and as author Roxane Gay states,

that black people need to forgive for survival.

So they needed to, but I must admit, you know,

sometimes, you know, I'm in a few different circles

and a few different organizations, and you know,

anti-racist organizations, equity organizations,

and housing, stuff like that, and in those circles,

forgiveness is kind of a,

it's kind of a landmine, you know,

it's kind of a touchy thing, because, you know,

it almost sometimes, for some, it asks people

who've been marginalized to do the burden

of forgiving, the power structure for what they've done.

And I, you know, I'm kind of challenged by that, too,

looking at some of those photographs.

Because I read through that, I see the power

of the beauty of the impact of that.

But then I look at some of the cultural,

the significance of what those displays mean,

and I do get a little queasy.

I'm a human being, you know, because I think, man,

black people are always forgiving people.

You know what I mean?

I mean, I couldn't be here if I didn't forgive, you know?

And I think, you know, and for centuries,

and I just don't know if the situations were reversed.

I don't, I haven't heard a lot of white family survivors

forgiving black thugs who killed their families.

I just don't see that. And I probably don't see the public imagination getting behind that as well.

Now, some of y'all look at me kind of funny now. So we're venturing into uncharted territories here.

I get that. But I want you to hear me. It makes me a little queasy sometimes.

I can accept the beauty and the power, but I'm like, huh.

So, sometimes black forgiveness and forgiveness from marginalized communities can be overshadowed by the need for ongoing justice and accountability.

Because I recall in those stories, I mean, they were horrific, and I'm still kind of, I'm traumatized from some of those.

I recall that once the forgiveness, the hugs from Brother Botham John's brother, then that was the story from Vince Ford.

And Amber, how she, that was kind of gone because, hey, it's okay. He forgave, so let's move on.

You know, same with the Dylann Roof situation with the forgiveness.

CNN still marveled at how this family, how these people could forgive and forgive and forgive.

And you know what I did, my tendency was? I want to go back to Jesus and weaponize Jesus' words.

I said, well, okay, well, did they repent?

See how that works?

See, I wanted to use Jesus' words for my benefit, because I was angry at Amber Geiger, angry at Dylann Roof.

Say, wait, what Jesus said, if you don't repent, right?

I wanted to sort of use that text for me, because I was feeling uncomfortable with what they had gone through for their act of forgiveness.

You see what I'm saying?

So, something else has to happen.

Something else has to sort of transcend that.

And then I began thinking, what if Botham John's brother, the family in Charleston, what if they were on to something?

Something that I didn't see in my rage, in my anger.

See, I believe, now here we go.

Stay with me now.

I believe forgiveness can be something you do, obviously it is, but it's an ongoing feature of God's nature.

And I'd say it again, I've said it before, through the incarnation we see the God-human, or Jesus, as walking forgiveness.

It's not static.

It doesn't wait for the action, it's an expression, it's like breathing.

It's just, you know.

So, that sounds sweet, and that will listen to me, man.

Thank you.

Thank you, brother, brother Eric, for that.

But what does that mean, concretely?

That means that I believe that Jesus wanted to cultivate communities of ongoing forgiveness.

Communicate church families, nation, a world of ongoing forgiveness.

Which means that happens sometimes preemptively.

Preemptively.

Where you just forgive ahead of time and do the work of accountability, of justice, repentance, and process.

I think I have to say that again.

We can debate that, I get it.

But I believe that one of the things Jesus was trying to show us is to,

as being this walking forgiveness, this embodiment of mercy,

forgive on the front end of that.

And then the practice, the daily practice of ongoing microaggressions,

and I'm such a so-and-so, brother so-and-so, this person, this school,

and then that's the process part in which we do the justice work.

The accountability work for something that's already predetermined.

And I think the incarnation shows us that Jesus was thinking ahead.

Amen?

I don't get the feeling that the incarnation happens and the Messiah says,

you know, I want to do this.

And if they don't do, then they're out.

I think there's something about this ongoing.

This step-by-step process that is part of the beauty, part of the work.

And I know it sounds a little heretical, and I get that.

But that's no more heretical than Jesus telling first century peasants to love your enemy.

You know?

I mean, no more heretical than Jesus saying, you see me, you see the Father.

That's heretical.

It's also true.

So this is not as heretical to me.

Jesus says, if you be merciful, as your Father's merciful.

A feature.

Creatively.

That's why I believe they could offer those hugs of forgiveness.

See, I criticize it.

I love it, and I criticize it, and now I'm kind of like loving it again.

That's called humanity.

It's called being fluid.

Maybe...

Botham and John's brother,

had already decided, before the horrific incident, to be a person of forgiveness.

Maybe, he said, hey, you know,

maybe the families of the victims who were massacred in Charleston by Dylann Roof,

maybe they had already decided ahead of time, preemptively,

that they will be a people of forgiveness before Dylann Roof killed them.

Maybe they had already decided that.

So what they're doing, they're just working out.

They're working out for justice, the accountability, all that stuff we do in community.

Now, for me, that was, that's tough, because, you know, when I get angry,

I want my, I want to weaponize the Messiah.

I want to weaponize the text.

I want an order.

Check.

You know, it's like the idea back in the day, when they were, something happens about a disfellowship.

Remember that whole disfellowship?

When you say, hey, you know, what do they do?

We got to bring them before the church.

We got to bring everybody else.

And...

Check, check, check.

They're out.

And I recall, having experienced some of those in my youth, they were traumatic.

But, you know, going through, and I'm, this is anecdotal, one experience,

not the whole nature of our, the fellowship.

But I recall witnessing them as a young boy, you know, as a, you know,

one of the boys who were allowed to speak before our sisters could speak.

Watching some of that, and being, there was more of a concern about the order,

and then making sure that the things got done correctly, than the actual person who was being thrown out of the church.

And I said, hmm, I recall then, something rotten in Denmark here.

Be merciful as your God is merciful.

Ongoing communities of forgiveness.

What's it look like for us?

How do we look at things that make us uncomfortable here?

Inclusion.

Is that too difficult for us?

Oh.

Homelessness.

You know, I've constantly, I've been working with this community health ministry for many, many years,

and I'm constantly having to reevaluate and kind of recalibrate my love quotient.

You know, I consider myself an advocate for those who are, who live,

who are largely, and who are homeless, and I, and I fight.

But if I'm, you know, I also live in America.

I also have a family.

I want to, you know, so I get caught and have to sort of say, wait a minute.

So when people are having a bad day, like I have bad days, I apply that onto the pathology and the problem of poverty.

Ergo, to them.

I've got to constantly recalibrate that.

So what that does for me, so if I can forgive.

Preemptively, ahead of time, I'm allowed to work out some things.

So what's that mean for us?

Well, I'll tell you what it means for me, and I'll just be straight up.

And I've been here since 89.

So this is, it's more than 35 years ago.

So I'll just say this to the church.

I forgive you for your racism.

I forgive you for your microaggressions against me and my family.

I forgive you for your homophobia, for your transphobia, for your fear of gay people, for your fear of, for your fear of poverty, of homelessness.

I forgive you.

I hope in your heart that you can forgive me for my misogyny.

For my anger.

At people of color sometimes, who've internalized their pathologies against me.

Hope you can forgive me for my racism.

Forgive me for my ignorance.

For my desire, my addiction to have things go smoothly in church, than to seek real justice, regardless of how uncomfortable it is.

I pray that you forgive me for that.

I really mean it.

I'm not being silly.

I want you to forgive me for that.

I want you to forgive me for being not an effective minister, for not leading well.

You know, people, I'm kind of, I'm kind of fortunate, wherever I go in my circles, I'm what they call, excuse the term, but I'm the magic negro.

Wherever I go.

I'm that guy, the family guy, nice guy, cisgender, cisgender black male, you know, he said, so he can, you know, stand up and he can, you know, so I'm always, brother Carl, brother Carl, brother Carl, even if it's my son's schools or wherever I go, I'm on a film set, I'm like, hey, you know, there's a girl, you know, you're so beloved for the, the actors really love, I'm the magic, the magic guy.

So, like, people say, what about Carl?

Carl's okay, he knows his lines, you know, he's straight, you know, if I'm directing something, whatever.

I'm that, I'm that guy.

So, you know, I don't, you know, and that's going to be a blessing and a curse.

That's, sometimes when you're that, you don't really see yourself and how you come across

the people, particularly the people who, who have put trust and faith in you.

Y'all don't hear about the countless of people who live homelessly and marginalized who I've

not gotten back to, or phone calls that I haven't made back.

Family members, my family, sometimes it's hard to keep track of.

We had a tragedy in our family.

Sometimes it's hard.

I mean, I can't control things in Louisville, so I'm here.

How can I control that?

How can I, you know, my brother's death?

I gotta, I gotta send some, send some resources down.

I gotta, I can't control the death sentence.

So, and then I get, I get angry.

I get very angry because I can't control, the magic girl can't control stuff.

I told them, I'm telling you, forgive me as we go forward.

Also.

So, let's have that preemptive forgiveness ahead of time.

Again, it's not cheap grace.

It's not Bonhoeffer's cheap grace.

I mean, cheap grace says you do this.

He was talking about Nazi Germany where they would say, you know, that that's a whole other thing here.

There is an assumption on the, the forgiveness ahead of time, but there's a commitment to the work.

There's a commitment to the ongoing work of justice and mercy daily that we can actually be part of right now.

Yeah.

I wonder, did Jesus just say, so now some, and I get it.

Some of you will probably go back to your Bibles and I hope you saw and say, Hey, wait, but no, Jesus, no.

Jesus said 70 times seven, man.

He didn't.

I get it.

There's beauty and there's grace that we can have those discussions.

And I actually, I wouldn't mind.

I like those discussions.

You can bring some coffee, we can sit for a while.

But a community of forgiveness that's ongoing,

where you release, you've been released from the anger,

from the treachery, the burden,

but you don't have to wait for the tragedy to happen.

You can be a people of forgiveness right now

while you're laughing with each other.

When you're seeing someone walk down

who doesn't look like you, doesn't smell like you,

you can be a person of forgiveness because why?

God is merciful.

So the why of forgiveness, why? Why do?

We know the how in this text, but the why.

One reason, because your father's merciful.

Your mother figure is merciful.

God is merciful. God is more mother and father.

He's merciful. You're merciful because they're merciful.

That's it. It's not rocket science.

So we stand for the benediction.

Because your father is merciful.

Amen.