TR#202: Tor's Lugubrious Penultimate Algorithm!

America for 300 years has been the land of promise for the rest of the world.

The land of new frontiers, new opportunities.

Hello and welcome to Tank Riot.

With me today is Victor.

Hello.

Sputnik.

That's not me.

And I'm Tor.

And today we're going to talk about all kinds of stuff.

COVID-19. COVID-19. COVID-19. COVID-19. COVID-19.

I think we're being overtaken by robots.

I found my Casio SK-1 keyboard.

And I thought I'd recreate some Paul Hardcastle.

COVID-19. COVID-19. COVID-19. COVID-19.

It's COVID-19. It's a remake.

There's a name you don't hear too often anymore.

Someone had to do it.

I haven't seen COVID-1 through 18 yet, but whatever.

This is our...

You have to follow all of them.

That's actually...

You know, our first episode was about H1N1.

I think we talked about the bird flu because we were thinking that was a shitty situation.

But anyway, we've got some rules.

We're going to move.

This is episode 202.

202.

Two ought to.

And what we're going to talk about is not COVID-19.

Oh, you mean the Chinese flu.

That's where it comes from.

I saw that reading in chalk on the UW campus.

And the chancellor had to...

He had to write me a letter saying it wasn't.

But that's where it come from.

So I'm calling it Chinese flu.

Sorry.

So we're not going to talk about that.

We're going to go with the official name before they rename it for the country with the most cases.

Well, USA.

Number one.

USA.

Number one.

And we're also not going to talk about the presidential election race.

Some old guy will win.

Just don't want to.

Not going to do it.

It wouldn't be prudent.

And we're not going to talk about the economy.

Not going to have one.

We're going to talk about things you can do in the bunker while you're hunkered down.

That's right.

This is the Bunker Activity Podcast.

Yes!

Straight from the bunker.

Gentlemen, do you have a preference on who starts out?

I have a couple I'd like to throw out into the old ball field.

Let's go round robin.

And if I have something on the same maybe media format or whatever that you're on, go for it.

Or if you'd like to start us off, that's fine too.

We're starting to sound very Canadian right now.

We're being polite to the point.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Go ahead.

No, you go.

No, you.

You can do it.

Okay.

I finished this season of Picard.

I really, really, really enjoyed it.

I just subscribed to CBS All Access today because they are giving a free month.

Yes.

Because of something that we're not going to talk about.

And I thought that's super cool.

So I signed up.

And I'm really excited to watch.

You enjoyed it?

I really, really enjoyed it.

You said CBS All Access?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah.

There used to be a week of free.

And now the finale's on Thursday.

Or is it over, over?

It's already over.

Okay.

So now that it's over, they're starting to give spoilers.

And so I was like, sign me up right away.

Oh, yeah.

Because I want to watch it.

Watch it.

I've already seen some spoilers that I saw some characters that I'm like, oh, cool.

All I will say about it, and I'm not going to ruin anything about it, because it's a

very complex story, like Discovery, Star Trek Discovery, which is also on CBS All Access.

The effects are easily movie level.

The production value's beautiful.

For Picard as well?

Yes.

Because Discovery totally was.

Discovery was so over the top.

I don't know how I watched that without having access to CBS All Access.

Gosh.

How did that happen?

Golly.

Jeepers.

Somehow, I just had it.

Anyways, it's very good.

And I know people will probably think, oh, well, it's just going to be a TNG reunion.

It is totally not.

There's lots of new characters.

Very rich characters.

And it's just a lot of fun.

So there's one character, I won't ruin it for you, that the first time I saw him, I

said, you know, set phasers to disrupt.

Is it Dio, like a little robot that rolls around on the ground?

No.

It's a character who just, okay.

Do you remember how I always, when we talked about Boardwalk Empire tour, and I always

said that Steve Buscemi.

I mean, everyone looked like they could be from the 1920s, except Steve Buscemi, who

it's like, it's Steve Buscemi.

It's Mr. Pink.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

Hey, why do they get a tip?

You get a cool name, like Mr. White.

Why do I got to tip them?

And McDonald's doesn't get a tip.

So anyways, this guy just looks completely out of place.

You know, that's all I'm going to say.

And I'm sure with that being said, when you watch, you go, ah, that's the one Sputnik

was talking about.

Nice.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.

Go ahead.

Have you guys been...

Steve.

Speaking of Steve Buscemi.

Spartan of Darkin.

Yes, sir.

Have you guys been watching Miracle Workers?

No.

Miracle Workers.

Oh, is that a sequel?

Oh, oh.

Can you explain this show to me?

Dark Angels.

Can you explain this show to me?

Because I need to know, because I might have to binge it from the very beginning.

The first season was essentially an extended miniseries.

Yeah.

That's a good way of putting it.

One season of TV, and Steve Buscemi played God.

Which was awesome.

This is the Steve Buscemi show, everybody.

It kind of is, really.

I think he was kind of off.

He was a drink when we mentioned Steve Buscemi at this point.

Yeah.

And he...

Anyway, and they were in heaven, and they had to deal with Earth, and it had a bunch

of big-time characters.

And it had Daniel Radcliffe.

Yeah, the guy who played Harry Potter in there.

And it was a great sort of one-season series there.

Yeah.

So what they did was...

Is they took the same cast and created a whole new plot.

Said, hey, let's take these actors and put them in the Dark Ages.

And it's a lot of fun.

And can I say, there's no thread line between the characters to the Dark Ages.

No.

I saw the first episode of the Dark Ages, and I saw Steve Buscemi as the king drink.

And then I saw the Daniel Radcliffe...

I saw the situations arrive in the Dark Ages.

I'm like, this is pretty cool.

But yeah, I was wondering if I was missing out on something that someone who might have

seen the first season, you know...

No.

Yeah, yeah.

They're self-contained, I think.

I'd recommend a track down the first season.

But yeah, I think they're completely different.

What's really important to everyone in the bunkers is, where is this show?

What format do you watch it in?

I don't know.

My DVR just records it.

I want to see its IFC.

Yeah, okay.

But I'm not really certain about that.

And Steve Buscemi in Dark Ages is a shit shoveler.

Yes.

And he's very proud of it.

Yeah.

His daughter wasn't a good shit shoveler.

Right.

And it has all to do with your name and everything.

What becomes your name is what you do.

That episode was great.

It's hilarious.

So it's kind of like the series I think we discussed earlier, too, on a previous show,

Nightfall.

That's K-N-I-G-H-T, Fall, about the Knights Templar.

It's just a two-season run.

But I think you guys would really like the second season because it has...

Hopefully.

Fuck me.

Oh, Luke Skywalker.

Luke Skywalker, yeah.

This is the show I haven't seen, but I've seen the teasers.

And I'm like, I should have recorded that.

He was really good in that.

I'll have to track it down at some other point.

It's on Netflix, so.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

That's right.

And yeah, that one's done.

That's two and done, right?

Did they do two seasons?

Yeah.

Two and done.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, it was on History Channel, and it didn't get the play that Vikings did.

Right.

Vikings isn't coming back until fucking December.

Yeah.

Bitterness.

I'm probably a couple episodes behind, and I've got to finish up the season.

Of Vikings?

Yeah.

It's a two-part season.

Right.

But I mean, finish up the first part.

The first part.

Yeah.

16A.

We'll have plenty of time because we're not going anywhere.

You've got enough of a time, buddy.

I've been knocking things off.

I didn't tell you guys, but I tested positive for COVID-19, so you have to stay in the bunker

with me now for the next four weeks.

That's fine.

And we'll just watch everything.

The problem is, and I told you guys this.

I speak the truth.

We shouldn't.

We should not greet.

We should not greet each other in the French fashion.

And we wouldn't be spreading.

I know.

Our bad.

You know, now we've got to give lectures on politics.

Before they had the French lockdown, they had two things where the government was saying,

do not greet each other in the traditional French fashion, and stop rioting.

No more yellow vesting, you packers.

Stop rioting.

It's all over.

Game over, man.

Stay six feet away.

Actually.

As the French would say, two meters.

Yeah, that's right.

They say that on the BBC, too.

And then they have all parentheses.

That's 6.5 feet.

It's like, thanks, man.

Rules, gentlemen.

We have to follow the rules.

That's right.

We're not following the rules.

We mentioned the thing.

All right.

Well, speaking about that which shall not be named, which is a virus, I went to my last

movie theater experience.

Oh.

And it was Onward.

Oh, yeah.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

When I went to get my tickets for this Pixar film starring Tom Holland and Chris Pratt,

I went to order my tickets, and it was like a checkerboard.

Like, two seats were knocked out diagonally across the board.

And I was like, Jesus Christ, did the whole world get OCD on me, right?

Right.

Why are people being so distant?

And then I realized they had blocked out every other seat in a checkerboard pattern to create

space between us.

And because I'm an idiot, I should have known that earlier.

But anyway.

Anyway, we got perfect seats, and Gatsuki and I went and watched the movie, and it was

really, really, really good.

And it's out.

I think you can rent it now.

Oh!

Yeah.

And I really, I think people were looking at this as a dumb movie in some ways.

The trailer didn't look so great, but you know, it had a heart to it.

And as a person, you know, I played D&D, like, you know, in my youth, and I love fantasy.

I love sci-fi.

I love these fantasy worlds.

And this was a fantasy world with a bit of a twist, but it was also a story about brothers

with a dad they're trying to resurrect.

I'm not giving anything away.

It's all in the first few minutes, right?

It almost kind of reminded me, when I saw the trailer, you guys, I don't know if you

grew up with Dr. Seuss or not.

Oh, totally.

Okay.

Do you remember the one where-

Remember the podcast we did on Dr. Seuss?

No, go ahead.

Well, you're right.

I mean, yeah, you're right, now that I think about it.

Well, you know, after a few years, you kind of lose the archive.

I think we should do another podcast about Dr. Seuss.

Forget that we did a previous-

Well, you know, he had a story about the pair of glowing pants that didn't have anybody

in it.

It was just the pants were running through the swamp at night, and that's what it kind

of looked like to me, where it was like, oh, we got to put dad back together.

From my childhood, there was a story about a glowing head floating through the swamp.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe they, like, need each other.

And somewhere else, someone else has a story of a torso floating through the swamp.

Well, Miyazaki's got some heads that-

Bop around and spear it away, I believe.

But Onward was a really good film.

Well, it's good.

I really, the cast, you had Tom Holland, you had Chris Pratt, but I really liked Julia

Louise Dreyfuss was in it, and Octavia Spencer.

The voice cast was, like, over the moon.

It was really great.

And it was a quest film set in a weird fantasy realm that had kind of degenerated into a,

well, you know, we invented electricity, so we don't really know.

We don't really need magicians anymore.

And then the magicians are like, well, we still can do the magic.

They're like, whatever, electricity works.

And then the whole fantasy realm kind of devolves.

But there are some holdouts who really care about the fantasy world.

And at the end of it, I mean, honestly, it ended on a bit of a, it ended on a heartbreaker.

At the end of the movie, Gatsuki and I looked at each other, and we were both bawling.

She's like, I'm crying.

I'm not crying, you're crying.

I said, I'm crying.

I'm crying, too.

And she's like, it was so good.

Like, so it just hit you so hard.

Oh, no.

But it was such, it wasn't like, it wasn't like a mean.

No, no, no.

It hit you so hard in a good messaging way that you're like, oh, my God, I'm bawling.

It's like the first 20 minutes of Up.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Take the first 10 minutes of Up and then put it at the end of Onward.

It's not, there's not a mean bone in that movie.

Yeah.

But if you can get through the first 20 minutes and not be like sobbing uncontrollably.

Yeah.

No.

You're like picking yourself up off the floor.

Thank God they had Doug in that movie.

So if they didn't have Doug in that movie, I don't know what I would have done.

You know what's awful is when you're looking at the movie and you're crying and the person

next to you is crying.

It's like a really ugly feedback loop.

He's like, oh, God.

I like the little pull your sleeve down over your thumb a little bit.

Yeah.

I'm not crying.

I have dust.

I'm just, it's good.

I have allergies.

There's onions.

It's really dusty in this theater.

Well, I think I mentioned that to you guys.

I went with four other guys and we were sitting kind of far up and we were watching Field

of Dreams.

And of course, you know, you get to the end and, you know, we're all like, you just want

to play catch with his dad.

The whole thing was just about him playing catch with his dad.

And we're all just sitting there like, I don't want to see you crying.

You know, so your voice goes up about five registers because, you know, you're grinding

down so hard.

And then we're all walking out.

We're all trying not to look at one another.

And finally, we're out in the lobby.

We can't avoid it.

And it's like, yeah, great movie.

Yeah, I think so too.

Isn't that stupid?

It is.

So it was really funny.

So just tonight, we were watching the latest episode of Godzuki and the Viking Prince,

who's also here.

We all watched the latest episode of Lego Masters.

Oh, my God.

Starring Will Arnett.

You know.

I'm so glad that you brought that show up.

I love it.

It's fun.

And so we're watching it.

And this team.

So Lego Masters is like, it's like competitive baking show or whatever.

They got to bake their little Lego things, you know.

And Will Arnett is doing a really fun twist on being the host of a show and doing all

these goofy oddball things.

And I love it.

And I love the presence of it.

I think Will Arnett is on it because he's the voice of Batman.

Exactly.

He's the executive producer.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

So he's in it to win it.

This is something he's invested in.

But I mean, he's doing great.

I mean, he's doing fine.

Have you seen a tour at all?

Oh.

With competitive Legos.

Because I know that you and Son of Taur were huge Lego fans.

Yeah.

I think all I saw was a preview.

Yeah.

It's competitive Lego brick building.

Wow.

Right.

The contestants are fascinating to me because they're fun loving on one side and yet utterly

just about this far from jumping that 50 stories down.

I mean, the stress level is ungodly.

And it's like, you're putting a fucking Lego city together.

Yeah.

You know?

It's harsh.

Anyways, so they put it all together.

And then these two people come up and critique it.

And those two people are Lego brick builders who do the sets themselves.

Yeah.

And they know everything about Lego.

Yeah.

And they don't pull any punches.

No.

And that Scottish woman is like, I don't see that you're doing this.

I don't.

This does not look complete at all to me.

Yes, it has elements of whimsy, but.

There's too much empty space here.

I'm like, oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

And I'll tell you.

You know what?

Okay.

So Lego Masters is fun on its level.

But then do you stay tuned for the Masked Singer?

Well, Masked Singer is first.

And I've made the mistake of actually unveiling a couple Masked Singers because Lego Singer

comes after.

Because I skipped the Masked Singer because I really want to get through with the season

of Lego Masters.

I got you.

But Gatsuki loves the Masked Singer.

It's hilarious.

Because it's people, you know, dancing.

And then I know one of them.

And the recording starts two minutes early.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, at the beginning of Lego Masters, you're like,

take off the mask.

And then the pink monster takes off the mask.

You're like, oh, my God.

Put it back on.

You're a real monster.

I know you in real life.

Anyway.

I hate it when you haven't sent your DVR for that.

Because it's okay on basic cable.

Doesn't make sense.

Or the premium channels.

But on network TV, I want it to start on the hour.

I want it to end.

Exactly.

But here's the whole reason I brought up Lego Masters in the first place.

It's an awesome show.

But the two guys that got kicked off today were, like, holding their stern feet.

They were holding their stern face the whole time.

Oh, yeah.

They were holding their stern face.

They got kicked off.

And they were like, it's been a pleasure.

It's been great to be here.

We love it.

We've learned so much.

And they walked off arm in arm, shoulder by shoulder.

And they were, like, so, like, cement faced the whole time.

And the fucking prince looked and said, God, what a shame that guys have to be like that.

You know, that they're forced to not have emotions.

I know, right?

You're just waiting for someone to shout, gun, gun, gun.

Exactly.

And then, like, they got in the back room.

They had them sitting together with the camera pointed at them.

And then one of them starts crying.

And then the other one starts crying.

And they're like, there it is.

The feedback loop is established.

The feedback loop is happening.

I hate myself.

Don't look at me.

I love you, man.

I love you.

And then the water starts running.

You know, one of the first.

It's funny.

When you mentioned that, one of the first episodes was.

I came on this by complete fucking accident.

And I just said, shit.

This looks pretty cool, you know?

Because, I mean, I was.

Legos was after that period.

But, I mean, I played.

I did definitely get into building Legos and that.

And I thought it was fun.

Call them Lego bricks or Lego.

Like, people will yell at us.

Because you can't call them Legos.

Okay.

They're Lego bricks.

Lego bricks.

I built Kleenex bricks.

You know, I only build in Kleenex bricks.

And in any case, it was a father and son.

And they were the first to get off.

And they went out.

And they had big smiles.

And the father said, hey, man.

I got to have a lot of fun with my son.

As far as I'm concerned, we're the big winners.

He's a sweetheart.

Good for you, man.

Such a sweetheart.

Yeah.

And they tried their best.

And you can tell when people are getting limited.

You're kind of like.

Oh, yeah.

Unlike we're like.

You know, in a baking show.

I don't like the taste of this tart.

Mer, mer, mer.

You know, you're like.

You can look at what they built.

And you're like, oh, yeah.

That looks like shit compared to what Aaron built.

Oh, yeah.

Because Aaron built a fucking Ferris wheel like a fucking maniac.

And you built a piece.

Yeah.

It's like shit.

Oh, my God.

You're like eliminated.

Some of those people are so goddamn talented.

Yeah.

I mean, you know, so this person will come up and think, you know, like where they're

from, they're Lego masters.

Yeah.

Then they come to the big city and it's like, you don't know shit, boy.

You're on the big leagues now, punk.

This ain't no pole dunk town.

You're on New York City.

New York City.

Get a rope.

So do they have.

Too many references in one little bit.

Do they all get like a big bump?

A big box of bricks that they don't know what.

No, no, no.

They get access to whatever they need.

Yeah, yeah.

They can get anything.

Anything.

They got racks at times.

Racks and racks and racks.

Whatever you fucking want.

But they have to go run to the wall and get what they need and then bring it back to the

table.

Oh, my God.

You've never seen anything like that in your life.

That's a nerd sprint.

Oh, by the way, secret.

This is like 10.

Anyone have like kids between like six and 10 or so?

That's a great birthday party thing.

Don't do the coal walk.

Make him do a Lego brick walk.

So you, you have a, you lay Lego bricks on a path and they have to walk across the Lego

bricks.

So that's, that's an upcoming birthday plan for Godzuki.

But anyway.

Wow.

Oh, that sounds great.

Walk on coal.

That sounds great.

Walk on Lego bricks, man.

I'm not going to do it.

There could be some injuries.

There's sharp corners.

I hope so.

A birthday's not fun without a little bit of violence.

Yeah, you can't do pin the tail on the donkey anymore.

Yeah, no.

A little bit of drama.

A little bit of tragedy.

Got to have some crying.

Yeah, back when I was a kid.

Yeah.

We had the spanking machine.

Spanking machine.

Oh.

That's, talk about the dark ages.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't, yeah.

I can't believe Bill Cosby invented that, but whatever.

The Bill Cosby cocktail.

So I was just talking to somebody the other day and we were talking about Fat Albert and

their, and their, their, their daughter didn't know.

It was like, oh, what's that from?

And it's like, nevermind.

Nevermind.

It's so weird.

Yeah.

I have cassettes of his and it's like, I pull them out.

I'm like, oh God.

I used to love Fat Albert.

And now it's just like, it feels, everything feels so dirty.

Oh, everything feels dirty.

You know, but they.

Hey, did you hear, and we're not talking about this right now.

No, no, no.

But did you hear that the coronavirus got infected by Harvey Weinstein?

Yes.

And Prince Charles and Ted Cruz.

God's will.

Yeah.

I just, I just, I just like the phrasing of, you know, the coronavirus, poor, poor innocent

coronavirus was infected by Harvey Weinstein.

Look for a decent host and could find none.

Yeah, I know.

Oh God.

Do you guys, should, should I go for another one or do you have.

Go for it.

Okay.

Well, you know, Westworld is back for a new season.

Yeah.

I had to watch it three fucking times.

Cause I don't know what the hell's going on.

Did you not watch season two?

Yeah.

Did.

Okay.

I watched season two and I still didn't know what the fuck was going on.

Well.

Right.

Cause season two was bullshit in a way.

You know.

Well.

Uh, okay.

To be honest.

I have so many feelings.

Okay.

I have so many feelings about season two.

I have so many emotions right now.

There are some really, really, really, really great standalone episodes, but it never felt

like, it felt like they were trying to be so tricky in season two and not give away

something that they, they, they left you out to hang to dry.

So just like that movie Primer, remember the time travel film?

Oh God.

Primer.

Yeah.

Where you have to go to the internet and you have to find like timelines of what's actually

going on afterwards.

And it's like, you know what?

It's fun one season to do that.

Maybe the second season, try not to confuse us even further because it's almost like exponentially

confusing what's going on.

Season one to me started that way as well.

I love season one.

Well, no, season one was great, but you have to remember they were just, they were kind

of giving you the whole context.

They were building that, you know, intelligent Android universe, or at least at that point,

semi, semi intelligent.

Two to me seemed like they were.

Yeah.

It did not seem as cohesive.

No, it wasn't.

And that's, and then it was, there were some great standalone stories, as you say.

Acachita, I think.

Oh my God.

I just, I wanted to blow my brains out when that one was done.

Oh my God.

That one was so good.

I'm not crying.

You're crying.

Yeah.

I was crying.

Acachita was not.

Oh God, I was too.

He was like the American Indian at the, or at the end.

Yes.

Who's actually an Italian at the 1970s commercials.

Remember Tony?

What's his name?

With a single tear.

Looking at Americans.

Looking at Americans pollute the world.

Yeah.

I love that we saw that Native American, but it was just an Italian.

That man was guilty of so much cultural misappropriation.

It wasn't even funny.

I still love the commercial.

I do too.

Anyway, yeah.

What do you think of the first episode of season three?

Well, I think with season three, first off, there was a pretty big gap between, with two,

you know, two built, like the last five episodes had this kind of energy to it.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

This long gap.

And then it's like, oh, now she's in the city.

And she dovetails so beautifully that you don't always like, oh, yeah.

Okay.

And it's like, all kind of comes back to you.

So what was kind of nice was, is they played the entirety of season one and season two

back to back as a marathon before they started season three.

I should have.

So I watched, I watched, all I did was I recorded the last five episodes of season two.

So the transition wasn't as bumpy.

But now I'll tell you, there's something else.

It's on Hulu devs.

Have you seen this?

I've seen half of the first episode and I love, you know, Ron Swanson.

Okay.

In it.

Yeah.

Well, Curb Your Enthusiasm is back as well for a new episode.

So if you like Murray Goldberg, I think you'll, you would love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Although, yeah, it can, it can be a lot to take in sometimes, especially, I don't know

if I would recommend Curb Your Enthusiasm in today's more troubled world.

I, I have always had trouble watching Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Like, I'll watch individual episodes.

Right.

But I totally understand.

Usually, because his myth, I love his misanthropy or whatever, because I agree with it.

And I'm like, what are you?

But I would never say that.

I'm like, what are you?

What are you doing?

You know, I'm always like, never say the thing that that person is doing wrong that I should

have pointed out.

But he's totally out there and he's like the anti-hero that we all need in this time.

You don't know if it's a dream sequence or he actually said it until then finally you

get it.

So if you look at Curb Your Enthusiasm as being a nine, Seinfeld was about a three.

So essentially, they're almost like the same show.

It's just way dialed back.

Yeah, it's dialed.

Yeah.

So, and I, I do.

Well, because, because George is really Larry David in, in Seinfeld.

Yeah.

So.

Okay.

Larry David.

There was, there was one little switch where they had Larry David play George.

Yes.

Which is based on Larry David.

Right.

And it didn't go as well.

I always love how.

Larry David also, like he was on Saturday Night Live.

I don't know if you knew this, but he was on Saturday Night Live for, as a writer.

Yeah.

And he was told, he was told that he had to be there to write and, you know, and he was

like, I'm going home.

I did all my writing.

They're like, what do you mean you're going home?

Well, I did all my writing.

I'm going home.

They're like, you can't go home.

We stay here.

And he's like, that's stupid.

Why would you stay here if I did all my writing?

Well, it's, it's, it's just the thing we do.

We stay and then, you know, we keep writing and I'm done.

I'm going home.

And then.

At a certain point, they weren't putting his stuff in and he got so mad that he yelled

at the producer, this is bullshit.

I'm done.

I'm out of here.

I quit.

And he went home.

And then, uh, and then he got home.

He's like, what the fuck did I, did I just quit Saturday Night Live?

Am I an idiot?

I've got a rent to pay.

I gotta, I got stuff to do.

And then he said, he talked to his friend who I think was basically like a Kramer character.

He's like, what, what do I do?

And the guy's like, just show up the next day.

And, uh.

Say it was all a big joke.

And so, so he literally showed back up.

Shows up.

And the next day and said, you know, just showed up to the meeting pretending.

He's like, I'm just going to pretend nothing ever happened.

And he just pretended nothing ever happened.

And he never mentioned it at all.

And no one else ever did either.

And he never lost his job.

I'm like, that's perfect.

That is exactly how to just like think outside the box.

You know, in the post-Trump world though.

I wonder.

If, if that's as invisible as it was then.

You know what I mean?

Like if, if you, if you were that outrageous now, I don't.

So outrageous.

Yeah.

God, I love Larry David.

But yeah, his, you know, that you get that secondary, you know, in German, they have this word for secondary embarrassment that we don't really have.

But like, uh, the Larry Seinfeld or the, the Larry David show, the Caribbean enthusiasm, I get so embarrassed.

So I'm scrunching so much watching it that it's hard to watch.

So it's one of those.

If you're not a native New Yorker.

If you're not a native New Yorker, I don't think that, you know, you don't, you can't see interacting that way.

But I'm one of those guys like Seinfeld who does love weird insights and Seinfeld makes weird insights.

And Larry David also makes weird insights.

Like she's got man hands, Jerry, you know.

The man hands episode is one of my favorites.

And once you've made an insight that just bothers your brain in some way, you can't shake your brain from thinking about it.

And then you're kind of stuck in this feedback loop of just noticing man hands or whatever.

Tor, did you, did you ever see that episode?

You know, you know, Jerry always, he would always go out with these women and then he would find some kind of stupid thing wrong.

But then the more he talked about it, the more you'd find it wrong too.

So he had this woman and she was very attractive and they'd show her and she was this beautiful woman and everything.

But then the camera would go back with her in the foreground.

And it would obviously be like some guy's big meaty arm and hand.

And then he would have like a dress on or something.

He's like, oh no.

And then stroke his face.

And he's like, oh my God.

I actually, I actually, um, he used to, uh, when, when I was in it, I, uh, there was this one woman where in the office who, who had man hands.

And I mean, seriously had man hands.

They were huge, huge.

And she would put on this hand lotion that was, I think about 40, 50 weight.

What made her hands bigger?

That's why she did it.

Maybe.

It was steroids.

She wanted man hands.

It could have been.

Man hands.

Now that you say that, it could have been some steroid cream.

But anyways, she would put these, you know, big oily man hands all over the keyboard.

Oh God.

You had the oil spots all over the keys?

No, it would totally wear the numbers and letters away.

That was steroids for sure.

So what I would, I would, I would.

Or acid of some kind.

I would buy five keyboards and just keep them in my office.

You know, keep pulling them out and figure I got about three weeks on this one.

I always worried about people who like have to go into other people's offices.

People's keyboards, especially living in the time of cholera, you know, where you have

to go, you know, you have to like touch other people's keyboards.

I'm like, nah, no, no, no, not going to do it.

I was just unplug your keyboard and plug in my own.

Especially guys who eat at their desk constantly, like, like Fritos and shit.

And then they got those ergonomic keyboards and you can just see that there must be about

five pounds of shit in there.

And they go, go ahead, go ahead.

It's like crunch.

Fuck no.

I'm not a germaphobe by any stretch.

I'm not a germaphobe by any stretch of the imagination, but.

Oh God, I am.

Oh, I am.

And, and life, life is not easy for germaphobes, you know, like it is hard.

Yes, I know.

I have, I have, I, I know several people who, you know, and it's, it's a thing.

It's a phobia.

It's, and a lot of times, and frankly, they're kind of in the healthcare industry.

So I think it's probably, um, a wise reaction to being in that.

It's also safety.

And you also encounter it.

Like when I would work in the cancer ward at a children's hospital, fuck, you go through

several layers going into even the rooms.

So you could blow gel, gel, gel, gel, wash, wash, gel, gel.

Then you can be in.

And then you're like, holy shit.

Your hands are so dry.

Oh yeah.

No, I have, I have dry skin anyway.

And then like, I'm gelling in all the time.

I'm like, I need, I need to pay that 15.

I want the 15.

Hey bud, you got that $15 Aveeno hand cream?

Cause, uh.

I could really use some.

You know the shit that Jennifer Aniston rubs on her ass every night?

No, no, no.

I want to rub it on my fingers.

Oh God.

Yeah.

This is a rough time for me because I, uh, you were sanitizing all the time and then

I'm hand washing them.

Uh, you know, it all just, all that detergent just pulls all the oil off your hand.

And then you're like, give me more oil on my hand.

I stopped at a gas station before I, you know, came to our secret studio and it actually

had a Purell dispenser on the door.

Hey, if nothing else for germaphobes, this is a dream come true.

Handshakes could end.

Yeah.

No more handshakes.

Fuck.

Kiss my ass, motherfucker.

There was too, there was too much confusion over handshakes anyway.

Yeah.

Fist bumps go to hell.

Fuck fist bumps.

Elbow bumps.

Fuck you.

We cough in our elbows.

Just stay the fuck away from me.

Here's a male thing that I absolutely fucking hate.

The handshake and then go in for the hug.

Like what?

Hey man, am I related to you?

Yeah.

Are you a fucking rapper or something?

Yeah, I know.

Are we in the recording studio?

Right, right, right.

Paying down some really sick tracks?

Are we going to make a million bucks on this sick track?

Because if not, I'm not hugging you.

Well, you know what I mean?

I mean, it's like, you're shaking hands.

I want a million bucks minimum.

You're shaking hands, but you know what?

This just isn't close enough.

It's not enough.

The reach around.

The reach.

Yeah.

No, let's not call it that.

It's a reach around, Jerry.

You know it's a reach around.

That's a pretty good George Kassian.

Don't even pretend it's not.

You know, if you love Jason Alexander, I recommend, if you can find this online, Duckman.

No, I haven't seen that one.

It's a fantastic cartoon.

Duckman.

Check it out.

That sounds vaguely familiar.

He does.

It's a cartoon, but they do a Star Trek parody in one, a TOS parody.

And Duckman comes in, dressed as Captain Kirk, and he goes, hey, sorry I'm late to the bridge.

You want to talk about your captain's locks?

It's like, okay, this is my type of Star Trek humor.

Delightfully scatological.

I approve.

Delightful.

Tor, do you have something for us?

Tor, tell us.

Tell us something.

What should we do, Tor, when we're in our bunkers?

What should we do?

Well, have we talked about Lost in Space before?

The new series on Netflix.

Yeah, yeah.

The new series.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Are you watching it?

You're big in season two?

The wife and I, we've caught up.

So we've got first and second season done.

Are you into season two?

Or season two, you're done with season two?

You piled through?

Yeah.

You're ahead of me, man.

That's awesome.

Fuck me.

That's awesome.

None of my...

Okay.

Gatsuki doesn't want to watch it at 10 years old.

She's like, I don't really want to watch it.

So I'm like, I'm going to watch this by myself, I guess.

So I will, because I'm in the bunker now.

You know...

Tor.

Oh, go ahead.

No, all I was going to say is, I think it's probably more for us, because we all had that...

We all pictured ourselves as Will Robinson.

Oh, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, yeah.

I was Will Robinson.

I'll fight you.

I will take...

I will fight you.

Yeah, the parents are kind of...

I totally wasn't Penny.

Or June.

Or Mr.

Dr. Smith.

The pain.

I wanted to be the angry guy that always drove the chariot.

Don.

Yeah, Don.

Don.

Fuck you, Dr. Smith.

I like this version of Don, too.

He's like, ah, fuck it.

Oh, yeah.

Get the chicken.

He's got a jabby.

I will kick the shit out of you.

I do like...

And I love...

Oh.

I forget what her name is.

Playing the Dr. Smith character.

Oh, yeah.

She's a crush on my new childhood.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, her name is...

The tip of my tongue, but I don't have it.

Oh.

I wish she was at the tip of my tongue.

Oh!

Tor.

Tell us about season two.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Spoil the whole fucking thing.

Ah, no.

Don't spoil it for me.

Just get in there.

I'm not a big fan of the spoilers.

I'm not going to shoot the spoils in my direction.

Well, they start.

And they're camping out on another planet.

Oh, great story, Tor.

Wow.

And the dad's really, like, getting into it.

Because the family's together.

And they're all alone.

They're, like, totally stranded there.

Are they, like, lost in space or something?

Yeah, they're lost in space.

What the fuck?

Always leave them riveted.

And then things go to shit.

I need more.

More stories like this.

You know what I...

Where people are lost in space.

And they're looking for stuff to happen.

You know what?

By God, you've got it.

Get me pictures of Spider-Man.

That darn Dr. Smith.

I mean, just messes everything up.

Oh, no.

They had everything going their way.

And then Dr. Smith went and messed it up.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, always.

But the robot's gone.

They don't have a clue where the robot is.

Shh.

It must show up at some point.

Oh, my God.

And then...

I like the new robot, though.

What?

I mean, the first...

Well, the first robot is awesome.

I mean, he's, like, the original.

You mean the 1960s robot?

No.

Versus the new robot.

No, I like the new robot.

No, no.

No, I'm saying...

You're talking about the new robot from the new Netflix series versus the 1960s robot.

Yeah.

Both good.

There's not a new robot in season two versus the season one robot.

Right.

Okay, cool.

I love the new robot, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Very well done.

The robot's a little unpredictable because, okay, he's being nice.

I might murder you all.

Wait.

Yeah.

Is he about to kill us all?

Yeah, he's got...

No, he just killed that monster standing behind us.

You know, it's...

He's got some tension.

Yeah, yeah.

We can trust you, right?

He nods.

And then you're like, is that a nod like a Bulgarian nod or is that like a normal...

Bulgarian nod.

Yeah.

Did you guys know...

All right, so you guys probably...

I was supposed to go to Bulgaria.

Right.

And Romania and Greece.

Well, that shit ain't happening right now.

No.

But I have an international driver's license, so, you know.

Do you have it on you?

No.

Oh, okay.

It's somewhere in the secret lair, probably behind a secret bookshelf.

Never to be seen again.

Where you pull a book, you know, and then nothing happens because it's hidden in the book.

It's where my passport is, my gun with a silencer.

I honestly had it all set.

Dudes, I was ready to go on a month-long vacation and leave this world behind.

Yes.

I was ready to just, like, walk away from America for a goddamn month.

I even put feelers out on Twitter saying, hey, guys, I'm going to travel.

And if you're around these areas, I'd gladly hang out or take advice.

I was going to go to Transylvania specifically in Romania.

Tits.

Carpathian Mountains.

Going to go climb Mount Olympus.

Like, literally, I had a lot of stuff planned, and that shit ain't happening.

Well, you got to do it like the original Olympians, completely naked, of course.

Oh, of course.

I mean, that goes without saying.

It goes without saying.

That's it.

Good day, sir.

So, okay, that shit ain't happening.

But I had a point to this.

Okay, so, yeah.

The Bulgarian nod?

They nod no.

And then they shake their head yes.

I'm like, really?

They're just fucking with people now.

I'm like, really?

Are you just trying to, like, find it to us?

Why are you doing that?

I know.

Why are you doing that to me?

I don't want to do that.

I hate you.

I know.

So I'm never going to nod or shake my head if I ever get to go there, but I thought that

was kind of fun.

How many people through the years have gotten killed by mistake because of that?

Yeah.

Yes.

Did you guys hear?

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

As I shake my head yes.

You're so right.

Have you ever paged through those tourist books where it's like, you know, if you're

in South Korea, don't, you know, stuff like that.

They're fascinating.

It's really fun.

And I love looking into that stuff when I'm going to travel.

Like Bulgarian, I'm going to be able to pick up no problem, you know, language-wise.

It's very easy.

Romanian, then I'm like, oh, Romanian, oh, God, romance.

And then I'm like, Greece, oh, fuck me.

I'm fucked, you know?

Like, oh, I'll just start speaking on my phone and make it translate back.

But, yeah, but there are lots of things in different countries that you just can't do.

And I never want to go somewhere and be the ghost tourist who doesn't care about the culture.

Be the tourist in the punch bowl.

Yeah, exactly.

I mean, I'm going to be.

Hey, hey.

You're going to be anyway, but it's best to avoid the big puddles.

So you can just step in the little puddles.

Hey, anyone speak American here?

Hey, I'm American here.

I'm walking.

So are you trying to, I mean, did you have your cowboy boots and cowboy hat set for,

you know, proper touristy?

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

No, no, actually.

Do you stand out?

I was going to wear.

To Wrangler?

I was going to wear a toque, you know, because I'm Canadian.

Okay.

You know, totally.

That's right.

I was going to say sorry all the time.

You better have the maple leaf.

Yeah, maple leaf.

Yeah, I had a maple leaf pin.

That's the way to do it, man.

It's the only way to travel, you know, any part of Europe as an American is as a Canadian.

As an American.

Yeah, as an American is as a Canadian.

You're always like, oh, I'm from Canada.

Eh?

I got my torch in my boot.

There's a torch in me boot.

Wow.

So you're saying you're.

You didn't pack the black Elvis, you know, in front of the American flag, black light

t-shirt?

Honestly, I usually would not admit that I'm an American in Europe.

That's right.

And time I've spent in, you know, Russia and Finland and other places, usually my language

skills were so good.

Yes, man, they were.

Well, it's not MAGA anymore.

It's COG.

Yeah.

Keep America great.

Just keep it great.

Keep it great.

Yeah.

Why don't you do that?

Yeah.

COG.

But, all right.

Anyway, Lost in Space.

A plus.

Oh, yeah.

I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I got, getting into the characters.

There's a character building.

There's much more development, I feel, in the new series.

Did the chicken get much play in the second series?

Because I was really into that chicken.

Yeah.

That's what she said.

I know.

Yeah.

There are people that are into the chicken.

They might be a little disappointed, but there is some chicken action.

You're shigging.

But.

Not a lot.

Not as much as you want.

Not a lot.

You could have used more chicken.

I want to write that as a review on a website on IMDb.

You could have used more chicken.

Well, you know, it's like when we did our Irwin Allen podcast, and we were talking about

Lost in Space.

It's like, you know, some of the things that I'm, I mean, the new series, I think, is head

and shoulders.

Oh, God.

Better than the original.

Of course.

But the original just had shit like, you know, the giant carrot, the space bandito.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I love the flying backpack.

Oh, yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

And, you know, they had it for those, you know, short 20 seconds that we saw over and

over and over and over.

As a child, it was like you're watching Tarzan on WGN, Channel 12 or whatever.

You mean Ron Ely, Tarzan?

Oh, my God.

Yes.

And you're watching all these episodes, and you're like, every time you rewatched a Lost

in Space, you're like, we're getting the same flight.

Yeah.

I know that pattern.

I know that specific mountain he's flying by.

So he made it by that mountain once, you know.

Yeah.

Just 12 second, you know.

We blew the budget on that.

Yeah.

So.

12 second time frame, you know.

I just wonder if the guy.

Don't be digging around.

I wonder if he died, you know.

Like, oh, God, you know, we're out of air.

But they got it working in the 60s, and I thought, oh, by God, we'll have backpacks.

By God, in the 1990s, we'll have backpacks.

Where's my flying car and robot service?

Yeah, I know.

I think there's some development in that area, but it's not, yeah, widely.

The flying car, you mean?

Yeah.

Well, flying backpacks.

They're really great for your extreme flight guy.

Speaking of which, we lost one last month.

The flat earther.

Yeah, oh, what was his name?

Like Mad Max or Max the Hammer or some bullshit.

I can't remember.

I didn't know.

I didn't know we'd be talking about this.

But yes, the guy who was a daredevil.

He had a steam rocket.

Yeah, and he was flying steam rockets up

and parachuting back down.

And then one time, it just didn't work.

He was trying to prove the earth was flat.

I don't think he was, really.

I think he was just like a stuntman

trying to make money.

Like, hey, man, I'm proving it's flat.

I'm Stuntman Mike.

Getting all that stuntman money.

I think Super Dave would have been proud,

except for the fact that he died in the crash.

So, oh, well.

Did you guys...

I mean, it's been a while since we've gotten together,

so I don't know.

I don't think we talked about it in the last podcast.

The Good Place finale.

Okay, I can't hear it

because I'm trying to watch it from season two.

Okay, that's all I was asking.

Was it great?

I loved it.

I think it was perfect.

The Good Place, yeah.

I don't know if you followed it or not.

No, I think I'm caught up with that,

but I've sort of lost track.

That was from a while back.

Such a good show.

I think the finale was in, like, February.

Yeah.

In any case, it doesn't matter.

We might have some episodes to watch.

I won't go into that then.

But I think, you know,

it was a real thinker kind of series.

And, of course, you know,

those type of things don't last long on network TV.

Right.

But I think it ended in a really good way.

Not half-assed or anything.

It's like, oh, yeah,

this is really about the only way you...

You know, it felt very complete.

Like you were saying about the rise of Skywalkers.

Like, yeah, this completed the arc pretty well.

Yeah, I don't think I completed an arc yet.

So, yeah, I'll have to track that down.

Yeah.

Here's a new one on HBO that I think you might like.

The Plot Against America.

I don't know if you ever read the book by Philip Roth.

I've heard about it.

Okay.

So, it's told from the...

So, this is all in the 30s in America.

And it's told from the perspective

of a middle-class Jewish family.

And Lindbergh is running for president.

And, of course, he completely stays, you know...

Antisemitic.

Yeah, very, very antisemitic.

Fascism comes.

He runs for president and beats FDR, you know, from his first term.

So, it's, like I say, an alternate history that's very good.

I think you'd really get a kick out of it, so...

Yeah, I find alternate history just hard to digest sometimes.

I mean, sometimes it's fun, but...

It's not an easy thing to do.

Yeah, you have to, like, really pull your whole head off the cart, you know.

Well, it's like historical fiction.

You know, if you don't know the history

and you try to fill in gaps that obviously aren't in history...

Like, I'll give you a good example.

I, Claudius...

It's in Claudius the God.

So, if you're writing about the Julio-Claudian family

and obviously there's a level of detail that isn't there,

it's not going to work.

You know, or the Persian boy,

which was Alexander the Great as a boy being taught by Aristotle.

And if you don't have that history down,

either filling in historical gaps

or going down an alternate timeline,

it's going to show.

It has to be done.

Very delicately.

Like Jojo Rabbit.

I mean, there's so many ways that could have just been utterly fucking tasteless.

I'm just kind of pissed off that critics were so short with Jojo Rabbit as it was.

Yeah, me too.

I thought he wasn't cut slack because you're not allowed to make fun.

You know, and it's like, well, he wasn't making fun.

He was making fun within making dire, dire, dire storytelling.

The poster said it best.

This is a story about...

This is an anti-hate movie.

This is an anti-hate story.

Like, adoy.

I feel like...

I don't know.

There must have been a push somewhere in Israeli culture

that just said, nope, we can't.

Nope, not going to do it.

I don't think...

If you either can't enjoy that movie

and see it as intellectually stimulating

or at least enjoyable,

or if you can't at least...

Maybe you didn't like it,

but you can see how someone else might like it

and give it a kind of like,

I can see how some people like it,

so I'm not going to...

I'm not going to, like, dish it too bad.

If you're not in either of those two camps,

then I just don't understand where you're coming from

because it's...

I don't know if you get it.

I don't know if you're smart enough to really...

You know, maybe...

I guess maybe I'm just an elitist

or stuck in my own opinion,

but it's like, I don't...

Yeah, I think you're missing the boat

if you don't see why some people really like this movie.

There's a type of people that really like to have things

be historically exactly accurate, perfect,

and, like, when I watched Death of Stalin,

fucking loved it.

It was a comedy.

Hey, who played Khrushchev?

Yeah, exactly.

What? It was Steve Buscemi!

Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink!

Besides Steve Buscemi,

the point is,

there's a comedy about a heinous dictator

who killed millions and millions of people.

And, you know,

and beyond Stalin,

you know, there were heinous acts that happened after Stalin.

I'm just saying that

you can do a historical comedy

including, I mean,

half of comedy is a tragedy, you know?

And so doing a comedy about Hitler

isn't that insensitive to me.

And I think it's...

And it wasn't the first time it was done, either.

No, of course not.

What is the producers?

Exactly.

Yeah, so I'm just disappointed

that the Academy, like, I thought,

just ignored this movie so badly.

And, I don't know,

I loved it so, so hard.

Well, I think it's one of those things

where if younger people

go to it and they see that

and they go, well, what is this really about

and everything?

I mean, honestly, anything that gets a dialogue

going about history

I think is a good thing.

But we have old guard critics

who are, like, I think, shutting down

that kind of thing, that kind of discussion

and, you know, giving it low ratings.

And I don't want to get on a downer.

I just, like, I'm just disappointed

at the rating level.

Because I think it should have been

way, way, way higher than it should have been.

Or was.

I don't want to go down the...

I'm not talking about

correctness or anything, but we kind of touched on this

before the show, is that

it's like kids who do something wrong,

little kids,

if you're brought up Catholic

or something like that, and you do a little prayer

to say you're sorry

for some very venal sin.

That's what our

conversation is about.

That's what our conversation and our dialogues have become.

Is that, you know, kind of like

I said, I use the example of

Trump when, you know, he did

one of his original speeches saying,

well, you know, we've got to stop the Mexicans from coming up here.

A lot of them are, you know,

drug dealers and murderers, rapists.

I'm sure there's some good ones, too.

In other words, you have to even everything out.

You have to... Now, I'm not saying...

I'm not being in favor of extremism, but I think

that there's also a danger

from bending over backwards, from being

so sensitive that you tend to chafe.

I get it.

When you shut down dialogue simply because

it's like, well, we could offend this.

We could be saying this.

Are you? Are you looking at

what is being said and how it is being said?

Like, a good movie that is...

Speaking of, another one

of my favorite actors, Sam Rockwell,

who was also in Jojo Rabbit.

He was awesome in Jojo Rabbit.

I, frankly, have liked him in everything I've seen him in.

Oh, God. Moon. One of his best.

Moon, great. Have you seen...

Oh, Beth.

He's supposed to be Iron Man, too, by the way.

That's right. Anyway. Wow.

Have you seen the movie Best of Enemies?

Best of Enemies? No.

It's fantastic. It's about...

It's all based on real life.

And it's about

this school in the South

and they were talking about how

do we integrate our schools?

And what are the points

that we're going to do? You watch that movie

and it's fantastic. And there's this woman in there.

Sam Rockwell plays the head of the local clan.

Oh, God.

Of course he does.

And I'm sorry, I'm blanking on her name now,

but she was in

The Hidden Ones.

You know, the movie

about the NASA computers.

Oh, Octavius Spencer, maybe?

Possibly.

I still want to see that, but Hidden Figures?

Hidden Figures. I'm sorry.

I don't know why I thought The Hidden Ones, but

I've been watching a lot of Russian cinema.

That was a great horror movie, too.

Horror sci-fi back in the 1980s.

So, in any case,

you watch this and

this amazing thing happens,

which I won't

spoil it for you in any way, shape, or form.

But then you would say,

that just seems so contrived

or whatever, but when you watch it unfold,

at no point does it ever look false.

And what's great is at the end

you have interviews and film

of the actual people.

And that, to me, always just makes it so real.

I love that.

Like Hacksaw Ridge or

I don't know.

I don't know how many different movies.

That makes it so real for me.

The Goldbergs.

Actual video clips at the end.

It's funny that you should say that, Tarek,

because I was watching one of the

countless documentaries about MASH.

And, of course, we did a podcast on MASH.

But they actually interviewed

people that were in

they were mobile army

surgeons during the Korean War.

And they

worked with all the people

to put the show on.

And, you know, I kept thinking, well,

you know, which were the ones that were really contrived

and which were the ones that, you know,

you actually went through.

And the one that I thought, there's no way that this could be

fucking real. Five O'Clock Charlie.

They really had a Five O'Clock Charlie.

They got the idea. They said, no, we had this dude

that came through in like a crop duster

and kept whipping one bomb and then, like,

missing.

I thought, okay,

it could have been any of the episodes,

but that one.

Wow.

Nice, nice, nice.

Five O'Clock Charlie.

Alright, well, I've got a bunch

of movies I want to talk about.

Oh, go, please. I'm sorry. I hope I haven't been hogging the...

No, you haven't.

But I need your help with discussing one

of them. Okay.

So, we took a road

trip, you and I. Oh, yes.

And this is probably

the thing that I really want to direct

most people to. Okay.

Is a TV show I saw

right after our road trip.

Oh.

Where do we go, Sputnik?

What do we do? What did we decide to do?

Well, starting January 1st

of this year, Illinois

made recreational

marijuana legal.

And so, of course... We like to recreate.

Victor and I said,

we must go see this thing

that is on our southern border.

We must witness!

We must see! What is occurring

upon our southern border!

Because, you know, we've often talked about

how strong the Tavern League is.

And it's like...

They're like the Legion of Doom.

They live in a helmet in a swamp

and rule everything in Wisconsin

and no other

lick of weed shall pass!

Because we are the Legion of Doom!

Before the thing that shall not be named,

you know, of course

they had the Democratic Convention was going to be

in Milwaukee. Milwaukee.

And they said, well, you know,

these guys are used to

the smoke-filled back rooms making these

shitty deals, anti-democratic

deals.

Let's bring one to their shore!

Let's make sure we keep the bars open

until four! And the Tavern League says,

No, sir! No, sir! We shall keep all

bars open until four!

Oh! All bars!

And that fucking passed!

But now, of course, it's like,

yeah, I don't think so.

Oh, poor, poor Tavern League!

I'm crying in my pants!

Anyways, they're like one of the

big reasons why marijuana shall never...

become legal here in

Skani Nation.

No. Nothing. Nothing but liquor.

Even though we used to be, during

the early part of the century,

we and Iowa were the biggest

hemp producers in the nation.

In the fucking nation.

But, you know, that was different. I mean, we're talking literally

about rope production, and then we're talking

about rope production being shut down

because of actual consumption

of marijuana in a different way.

Right. No, no, I realize

hemp is not the same as

marijuana.

Marijuana.

Well, see, THC being marijuana...

It's a goddamn industry. Like, Colorado's

making a killing, you know?

As is Washington, as is California, as is...

The Tavern League is like, well, I don't know how we're gonna make money

off this. Well, maybe grab the reins

and just make money off of it.

Well, it's kind of like the energy companies.

It's like oil companies.

Unless we put down any other

possible energy, renewable energy source.

First we must kill all the windmills!

Then we'll move from

oil to something, but

let's stay in oil for now!

You think that maybe you could get in on the ground

floor?

No, fuck that.

Yeah, fuck ground floor, man.

No, no, no, no.

God, I mean...

It's so hard to change.

Can you imagine?

I don't want to!

I don't wanna.

Yeah.

I know oil's so good!

I wanna keep my refineries open forever!

Maybe we should just start fracking.

That's a baby step, right?

Let's frack!

Let's make sure that no cars are produced

that aren't a huge truck...

Oh, God, you'll love this.

It's kind of different than oil.

So, do you remember when we were kids

and trucks were, like, normal-sized?

Mm-hmm.

You know, like, they were trucks.

Yeah.

And, like, to me, I always think of the Ford F-150.

So you're talking pickup trucks, not semis.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, yes.

Pick'em-up trucks.

Yeah.

Fix or repair daily, found on road day!

Right.

So you got...

You got your Ford F-150.

Yeah.

So, sorry.

What an anti-Semitic vehicle.

Yeah, I know.

God.

Well, I hated the Jews back then.

No, I don't hate them so much.

They were right.

Those Fords, found on road day.

Fix or repair daily.

The whole bed was full of the Dearborn Independent copies.

All the protocols of the Elder Zion.

Anyways, so, you know, a truck to me was this very, you know,

streamlined, minimalist thing.

And it looked like what it was.

It was a working vehicle.

Yes.

And so now trucks, like, sometime in, like, the late 90s...

Yeah, they became these, like, enormous...

Get into the back of my truck!

I'm done!

Schwarzenegger truck!

What did you...

On the F-350C!

I don't know, you guys may or may not remember this, but do you remember, like, you know,

I think it was, like, the golden age of station wagons, where you had the magic station wagon

rear door that...

Oh, yeah.

It folded down.

Oh, yeah.

Or it opened like a tail.

To the side.

Those were awesome.

They were fucking awesome.

Yeah.

But, like anything, when you make the mousetrap more complicated, more shit can go wrong with

it.

Yeah.

So probably about, maybe, one or two trucks.

or two months after the kids using that it maybe opened one way anyways point being is that the

luxury car this year was the dodge ram truck and this thing is fucking enormous now you i'm sure

you guys have seen the i don't know maybe it's a gmc or whatever where it has this tailgate where

it goes down a step and then it goes down yeah i've seen that you can use it to hold shit this

way yeah i was like that's you know that's waiting to go wrong yeah mousetrap it's waiting

to go wrong yeah impressive okay yeah you're gonna get her foot stuck dragged dead by the sun

it's total national lampoons is waiting to make fun of this the dodge ram take

goes takes it one step further they put bread door tailgate

splits down the middle and open sideways wow try try to picture that in your head somehow

yeah anyways

these things are so big now the large cities aren't charging people extra for parking because

they essentially there's no way so so if you yeah because you know how these fuckers are like you're

in a parking ramp or you're trying to get out somewhere and you know fred thud pucker has got

his new silverado or what the fuck have you and of course she's got to back it in and of course

that'll take like 20 fucking minutes of you know a 50 point austin powers turn he gets he he gets it

and of course there's no way that you can have a vehicle on either side you know passenger or

driver get in or out because this thing is taking up so much fucking space so of course you know

we're so lousy with frack oil that these are the only vehicles that the big three fucking make

anymore are these huge trucks and suvs and whatnot so electric cars and that's so much

uh small affordable vehicles no not really no no but i love how gas is now like uh 50 cents

oh yeah

and you know what that's all about it's about opec saying fuck you stop fracking

it's a slap fight between russia and saudi arabia i love it mr bonesaw goes to putin and says hey

hey you cut down your oil production pumping and we will too we'll stabilize oil price what do you

say and putin goes i think that if i really just open the fucking floodgates i'll create more chaos

and that's really what i'm about that is that is that is and i'm all like

i gotta get my gas cans to the local gas store real soon because i can't possibly drive around

in a quarantine enough to justify the prices of these gas how am i gonna pay that i ask you george

come on i want to drive around and wait till this gas well it's cheap oh my god so so mr bonesaw

course be mr bonesaw says well by god i'll teach you i'll open the floodgates too so it's down to

20 bucks a barrel now

they are also really upset at fracking they want fracking oh yeah yes they do yes they do

because i mean honest to god this this shit can't last long anyways god we went down a

rabbit hole again and i'm sorry no more economics no more economic but economically speaking we

drove to chicago we drove well we drove to rockford okay the home of cheap trick

did you see the did you see the british cheap trick show i sent you

yes youtube video yes because there's a british youtube

there's a british show that's just i i thought you'd love it because it's like

beat for beat exactly that 70s show yeah did you watch that yeah yeah oh god that was a good that

was a good link so you said yeah oh my god i love it when other countries just absolutely

ape another show completely oh my god that it was and it was so funny too because

what was it called again i forgot the name of it i'm we we might not remember just look for

british ripoff yeah i can't remember

and and um i have to say that you know by and large from that 70s show i mean the young people

were fairly attractive oh donna donna yeah and jackie jackie was very good looking too but then

of course you have the british version it's like yeah i'm not feeling good about this yeah

but and that they didn't really seem it was such an americanized 70s that i just i

refuse to believe that the british were like this in the 70s weren't a bunch of no no no no it was

american they were doing a reboot yeah weren't like um like i know a couple of them were

scientologists on the cast yes like wasn't donna donna is and so is um hide yeah hide yeah well

hide's gotten in some trouble was accused of rape too yeah yeah we're gonna get censored on this one

all right so we just cut that part out i will i won't i won't say anything more controversial

i probably will okay so we drove to chicago we're going to this

rockford and also the home of um whom you met um

shit you know the model um oh cindy crawford cindy crawford is from rockford oh really

yeah yeah so you guys don't know i was in a tv show with cindy crawford so go look through all

the tv shows she's ever done you'll see victor and you'll find me because i was in a tv show

with cindy crawford so good luck with that yeah i'm sure some of you sick bucks will find it

yeah hey hey you talk about things you want to do in the bunker i don't even want i'm not even

going to mention the name of the show we probably cut that shit out no no google cindy crawford i

mean she's done a lot of tv shows and yes she was actually really really awesome really smart

really cool and really nice and honestly it was weird how um we gave background to be on the show

to the staff right and then when we met cindy crawford she was on point with the background

like tits she remembered you

and was like oh yeah you're that person who blanked but you know so so it wasn't like it

was a joke to her it was like she's really nice so i mean people in you know people in uh media

and hollywood i mean a lot of them are just really nice people who want to work with other

people and they're nice to people yeah and they just happen to be super famous and i was like oh

i'm gonna be in a show with you cool and uh then she's like also cool back so anyway lover she's

totally cool so we went to the dispensary in rockford it wasn't that cool it was

not cool it it had all the warmth of uh of uh a prostate exam yeah i thought we were gonna get

you know you know what was warmer than going to the dispensary in uh not chicago rockford

was going to lennon's tomb and getting yelled at by russian guards like that was a warmer reception

in lennon's tomb visiting the body of lennon but to be fair you were cracking wise victor

in the holy of holies

i was

but still you know you were pressing ham

it's making a scene it just it just didn't go smoothly and they were there was a line uh at

this dispensary and and they they demanded that you knew exactly what you wanted at the point of

arrival let's back up go ahead so the whole thing is is that you know they don't have enough weed

to really cover all this shit so i they don't have enough weed to really cover all this shit

they have a bunch of them in chicago and it just had a couple of them in rockford in fact the other

one that we could have gone to uh had done medical marijuana once that became legal so they had been

there for a while so anyways this is the one we went to was just like an old abandoned storefront

which they had done up and it looked very cheery and bright but all the windows were i won't say

blacked out they were oranged out and uh so a lot of orange like get the fuck out of here orange

happy happy happy happy happy don't don't stay

don't fuck around you're literally really into orange have you ever been to champagne urbana

oh sure there's a lot of orange there well that's that's a part of the fighting illini colors exactly

you know but it's also like part of the design of the early mcdonald's restaurants the idea was

you don't stay at mcdonald's you leave so they make it orange get your shit and go you kind of

eat your sandwich get the fuck out eat your hamburger hamburger get out of here so so we

pull up and and uh first thing you see is a couple illinois cops body armor

big guns and i'm thinking well okay it's legal here so you know why the firepower so i just like

rolled down my window and say hey uh is it okay to park here and it's like whoa there's no free

parking i mean they couldn't have been nicer yeah you know and uh sputnik only had a bunch of few

people during this adventure what's that sputnik only had a bunch a few people during this

and a cop wasn't one of them it was actually a lot of really nice people in illinois it was

i mean but they have they're outside of

chicago though well even in chicago oh come on but now you're telling fibs i'm talking probably

more outside i get it but but they've got such it's it's like they're so from illinois

yes i mean yes they occupy that space and time exactly yes they have a certain je ne sais quoi

a certain joie de vivre if you will yep no you're right though you're right i mean you people

it's like telling the difference between different years of volkswagen beetles

if you know enough about them you can tell the difference just by listening or looking at

somebody like when i was in uh palm springs recently some people from boston came up to me

well i was in palm springs i love it we're just gonna sidebar because this is bunker talk this is

bunker talk this is everyone has all the time in the world this is a tale i want to hear this tale

this is a tale of two dispensaries i'm doing this as a compare and contrast

we're up in on uh we took the tram up to this mountain and there's a bunch of people from

boston they go you know hey i really like your accent where are you from and i said we're from

wisconsin oh cheese heads and it's like oh i can you have such queen accents like we don't

fucking have accents you have fucking accents i got a problem you got a problem no you fuck you

what the fuck you were talking about he's got smart pox

yeah when i was in rhode island and you know this family was walking by

totally normal looking family would have been perfectly in place if they were in wisconsin

and then they started talking and we're just like whoa it's so much different but yeah it is yeah it

is so so you can tell if you're from the midwest you can tell a hoosier from an illinoisian from

a scotty from a minnesotan from yeah it's this they're definitely the same thing but they're

there you know i mean you definitely can tell oh i agree dialects are interesting i you know

well it's just just the way just the way they handle themselves in a conversation and so forth

you can definitely tell i mean it's not hard and then there's iowenians who are just i don't know

they're just bizarre and they can't handle technology either let's be honest i will never

become a tech technology corridor anyways so we go to this dispensary and we're like oh my god

rockford and they tell you right off is uh there's probably about an hour hour and a half wait

anything okay fine you know maybe there's a coffee bar maybe i could have no no you're just standing

out in the fucking you cannot leave that line and we were on this it was an adventure and that was

the adventure was right so you be in the line you go 10 you can only go in 10 at a time and then you

have a menu and of course if you're from out of state you have to present your license and if

you're from out of state you can get about half of what a native can get

and it was funny while we're waiting in line people kept driving there was a highway and

people kept driving by and honking which was hilarious and then so then you get in and then

you fill out your little your your little menu they tear off the tag at the bottom and then you

go in to what looked like used to be a bank so then you wait in another line another strange

room why yeah why they take your your order and then you go up to somebody's or next person coming

up and then they bring your your bag out so it's all behind this closed window yeah they bring your

bag out and you're like

okay i'll just walk out with this bag then now my experience to compare and contrast when i was

in palm springs go into this dispensary gorgeous totally mcm total mid-century modern yeah denver

denver colorado denver is the same way gorgeous gorgeous beautiful well appointed uh-huh well

done no messing around i mean they're and they have a sign that said your bud master will be

with you shortly but to help with your noise to help you with your selection so i'm like

great and then you go in and it's like a goddamn boutique tells you exactly how much kind of like

a waiter helping you out oh yeah you you walk around and there's shit's all there i mean there's

the there's the the flowers there's the the gummies there's you know whatever you want and then you

know there there was a couple of uh elderly women ahead of me and they were looking for cbd oil and

the bud master helped them first and said well we don't carry cbd oil but you might want to try

gummies or something well i'll tell you they they walked out with as many gummies as i did

and it was a beautiful experience it was just like go in go out you're you're a fucking human being

but of course with illinois and then um they would literally run out of shit while you're

waiting in line yeah we no longer have that we no longer have that yeah i mean was the product good

yes it was um but wow you know it was kind of kind of brutal it was intense and it was interesting

starting out they're they're just figuring out how to deal with this kind of yeah you know situation

and it's just wild that i think this could be a boon to all economies yes if this kind of thing

could pick up because i i feel it's very safe i think it's a very good way to move forward on

these kind of issues you're not you're not uh i mean with the edibles you're not uh you know

polluting your lungs i mean there's still carcinogens when you pull in marijuana smoke and

you know it doesn't it just look it's a nice safe high other than um you know hearst newspapers from

the 30s i've never heard of anybody really stoned on good weed who just goes on a fucking

hulk-like rampage well you know you probably have never heard of the uh

reva madness that happened back in 1930s where everyone was mad and jazz took a hold on american

citizens i believe they were called jazz cigarettes

we're all the rage play faster 1930s but what i think is good now is now that it's

sort of mostly legal yeah you know now instead of sticking our heads in the sand we can actually

just we can go ahead and do research yeah and we can see uh what's a problem what's not a problem

exactly more importantly what might this help from a medical standpoint more importantly you know

just say no culture has to end and people have to start looking at the

medical application and the medical application and the medical application and the medical

applications i work with people who work on psilocybin research at the uw hospital there are

there are places that are looking into ways you can therapeutically use these kind of drugs whereas

they used to just put people in jail you know immediately and we're still doing that in

wisconsin hallucinogenics are making a huge comeback in psychiatric treatment of depression

schizophrenia you name it and and they should they should because uh from every researcher

that i have ever spoken with they do have a high therapeutic

uh payback rate i mean you can't say that about a lot of the uh actual drugs that we're taking

nowadays um yeah well you have a two-month return where you're like oh i'm seeing a return rate that

is so much higher you know from patients just the commercials we see every day on tv with the

you know disclaimers five yards long yeah yeah you know it's you might bleed out the eyes but

you know you'll you'll your skin will clear up transatlantic transatlantic accent you might die

from diarrhea from your anus

you know you know when you get deep into those disclaimers you're like i might what i mean

what might happen i know i mean they say it in such a beautiful way it's like

contact your doctor yeah if you find that your genitals fall off what they might what

and they always end with my genitals and death and death you know please stop please stop taking

it immediately and see a doctor sneezing for more than one century is often a side effect

have you have you seen this new commercial now this is something i never knew fucking existed

the bent dick no yeah you you've seen it right i have not seen it okay there's still a little

12 year old than me that kind of like when i hear that but it's just one of those things it's like

is nobody working on cancer i mean they're just like i have a bent penis and i need a pill so

literally they're trying to sell a pill that would correct their penis and they're trying to sell a

pill that would correct their penis and they're trying to sell a pill that would correct their

straightening pill i guess i i don't know this is maybe maybe it's a a splint is this another way

to sell uh i i don't want to giggle about it too much because maybe there's people that have

struggled with this and it's real problem but hey if you struggle with bent penis i don't know

yeah i don't know you in some ways you'd think that might work be more fun but i don't know

shoot around a corner i'd love to struggle with a bent penis that's what she said so of course

of course they can't

they can't they can't show mr winky so they show a cucumber that's bent and they go if this is your

new normal i've never seen see a doctor does it like do an l you know 90 degrees yeah yeah and

it's like well yeah if my dick's a cucumber i definitely want to see a doctor yeah much as a

bent one my dick's been green hey what if my dick become a cucumber it's been green for years

have you seen the movie spinal tap

yes

,

no it's just i mean no it's not that i don't feel bad for people that suffer from this but

this shouldn't be something of nationwide concern it's like why are you what is it

what is their target demographic in that ad like how many people are they reaching out to

they're gonna be like oh my god mine might be a little bit bent

like a little thing at the bottom it said see our ad in golf journal

or something like that now i gotta buy a golf journal and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna buy a golf journal

the stakes are so high

what did your buddy hit you in the dick with a putter or something i don't know

so sputnik you know the way these drugs the drug research goes maybe it originally was a cancer drug

but like one of the guys you know and part of the the study is like uh it didn't cure my cancer but

my dick is straight now

that tour that is exactly how a lot of drug applications get applied

like uh what diphenhydramine hydroclock i mean there are drugs that uh

they they show up on the market and they're like oh we're gonna do this and then we realize

oh it makes you drowsy then we're like there you go yeah diphenhydramine

but it also makes your eyes bleed yeah no i mean some of them are just mellow and they don't they

don't do like right yeah i mean no i know what you're saying but it's just like oh uh we meant

it to do this we wanted it to cure cancer but we found out that it just straightens your dick out

but i gotta tell you that's probably how we're gonna cure cancer that's probably how we're gonna

cure alzheimer's i'm sure you're right i mean all this money i see this all the time all this

money that goes into like alzheimer's they got like millions and millions and millions of dollars

it's probably not that money i mean sure that money is gonna do lots of good right but but

someone's gonna find something in a secondary study that realizes that all the money going

to alzheimer's is finding out that oh it's this different protein that's causing this and then

someone who's like trying to make your dick hard they're gonna be like well i put that together we

shut that protein down and then boom all of a sudden you got this synergy no you're completely

right yeah it's just that i would rather see commercials about something like when they're

working toward an alzheimer's cure or whatever if there's something if you have a bent dick

then yeah go talk to your doctor about it but i don't necessarily need to see it yeah yeah you

know i don't need to be contemplating the or my favorite bentness of my dick i don't want to have

to get a straight ruler i don't know about you but i i really get a big kick out of reading all

the disclaimers written disclaimers at the bottom of the commercials i love it i love when the poor

guy has to say i'm like oh yeah you know you might vomit

diarrhea but they don't say all what i can what like the one where the person has to piss all the

time but they got the little uh wide-eyed blue-eyed uh that's me never mind they got the little

wide-eyed blue-eyed uh bladder the little cute bladder i've never and then it looks at it and

it says something like you know bobby the bladder is a trademark you know i don't know i don't know

bobby the bladder it's something hey no misanthrope bobby the bladder man he's working hard he's got

all and it's not feeling great right now anyways all right so we had a good time so we went to

chicago frockford got some mints i'm just gonna say chicago it's illinois to me you know the story

sounds better you know what all those cities look alike all right they all look alike i like

rockford we got back from rockford and you watched a movie no the next morning i decided to have one

of the mints that we got oh and i thought that's a great mint awesome

and it's only like you know 15 milligrams of whatever you know that's not a big deal so i just

had another mint right away and i'm like cool yeah that's two minutes i'm like that's cool i'm gonna

just sit down have some coffee and watch a tv show and then i lost my mind days later days later i

grew a full beard uh gilligan's island style so so honestly good one classic classic

style i took too much yeah which i shouldn't have and i should have just waited that full

hour like whenever you take a mint of anything with anything in it 45 minutes to an hour i'm

saying an hour after my experience wait a full hour before you make the decision that i made

yeah immediately after taking the first one i was like oh that's a good man i'm feeling shit

that's only 15 milligrams or i'll take another one i took i took two minutes i sat down and i was like

and i started watching on netflix the tv show glow and nice right good choice yeah no and i i loved

it so but but i realized you know in the first hour or so that i had taken too much you know it

took about two hours but i started watching the first episode and i thought this is pretty good

i'm really liking this glow show allison brie is wonderful in it she is wonderful and uh the the

full supporting cast is really really good i wasn't hurting anybody

just so you know i was watching this tv show said in the home baking yeah said in the 1980s

mark maron plays a guy who's trying to get 1980s female wrestling up and running and with a full

cast of people who could be he's very good in that role by the way that role is made for him

he really was yeah and uh allison brie oh my god i love her so much she's such a beautiful i loved

her in community yeah and uh the writer um liz uh flay hive or whatever i don't know how to

pronounce her name but she was a really good actress and she was a really good actress and

she wrote for homeland she wrote for uh nurse jackie um i just love her anyway i i watched like

by the second or third episode i was really really heavily questioning existence and watching the

show and i said victor just as i says i says it says i says victor just ride this out and just

keep keep watching have some water nice cup of tea just keep watching the show but like i was

at a point where i i was questioning all of existence and watching the show and i was like

oh yeah and uh i ended up watching all three seasons within um two days but i you know the

the the i got relaxed after a couple hours no but the first hour the first first hour was a bit weird

like it could have been like that better off dead claymation part where he's flipping burgers and

the burgers are dancing on the grill it was kind of like that in the beginning and i was like

just ride that part out i'm feeling all fluffy and woofily just just ride that part out just

that part out but but i really was i think i texted you i was like oh my god i made a huge

one is enough i was like one mint whoa yeah one mint is is enough there was an nba player

who just this year didn't he ate like a whole bag of gummies oh my god i mean he knew they were

thc laced and everything but he thought the same thing and he yeah he just kind of got the munchies

you know you got some eight foot tall guy this feels kind of funny

you know as long as you know what you're ingesting yeah it's fine you you can you're responsible oh

yeah you can just like shut your doors and deal with but wow wow wow wow it's powerful yeah i mean

and it's good and it's relaxing and then you know you have one every now and then it's fine but don't

do two if you don't know want to do two but i made the mistake right that was funny i thought oh this

is no big deal edibles are a big deal kids rain in the gummies yeah rain them in be careful you

know just that's all i'm saying not for kids it's adults only that's right adults kids stay in

school yeah adults yeah take your time go to rockford or chicago i don't know that's right

maybe rockford is chicago we don't know it's a suburb of victor obviously has no idea what

champaign urbana if you're in champaign urbana then you went too far you went too far you went

way too far you went way too fucking far you're down south now you're in silo country a whole

different accent to deal with down there yeah do you guys know what i'm talking about i'm talking about

i see uh mark baron's end time fun yes i thought that was pretty solid yeah i mean we're missing a

george carlin nowadays and it's nice to get that bitter bitter darkness i don't we don't get much

i don't mind that i think it's it's sort of tying in we were talking about it before about the dark

comedies or black comedies yeah you know that's okay i mean sometimes you can take really

uncomfortable things and it's not that you're not taking it seriously or you're laughing at it to

diminish it in some ways i think you're

you're kind of taking it out and looking at it like jojo rabbit did it look at the full horror

of the holocaust no but it wasn't supposed to it was just saying here's this little boy here's

the things in his life that he knew i thought it was a brilliant way to look at it oh yeah

you know instead of oh yeah there's you know you history can be taught in the worst possible ways

and people will just turn off of it and and that's that's

the sad thing because then everything you look at in the news or online or whatever it's like well

this has never happened before this is completely unique this is unprecedented no it's really not

yeah right hey speaking of history yes okay i'll talk about one of my other shows that i've watched

mentioned before i just saw the most recent episode of the curse of oak island oh my god

awesome sauce and they keep finding

you know little steel things yes and rocks that and wood that are positioned in odd ways i swear

that island is cursed jesus's car keys yeah just all kinds of stuff they probably have jesus's car

keys okay i would not doubt that i this is not really a spoiler because you know their previews

are reeling through this stuff like right and left oh yeah so the um oh that's funny on tuesday

they ended the show with they think they've located the location of the original money pit

oh sweet and they have assembled an eight foot diameter can which is a giant drill that's going

to make an eight foot diameter hole right and they've assembled this gigantic rig it's a big

crane and a machine that's going to grind this thing into the ground and they're ready to go down

on the money pit nice so it's like okay i'm gonna have to watch that next week tuesday yeah and this

is march 26th by the way

So that was a week from the 24th.

No, let me, if I remember correctly, was it Captain Kidd's treasure or?

Well, they don't know.

Okay, just pirate treasure or maybe not even pirate treasure.

They're starting to, okay, they don't really know where this stuff came from.

It actually might be.

Junk is friend.

It could be multiple.

Goonies.

Multiple deposits over possible centuries.

They think, I think his name was Bacon that had ties to the Rosicrucians.

Sir Francis Bacon.

Sir Francis Bacon, really?

Yeah, I think so.

Jesus.

I think he did in fact have ties to the Rosicrucians.

Which is ties to the Knights Templar and all that.

They also, there is a French fort in Nova Scotia.

Right.

That was attacked.

By the British.

And so there's pretty strong evidence that perhaps they're like, okay, we're about to get our ass kicked by the British.

Let's hide all our good stuff somewhere.

And so they think that might've been a deposit either or, or as well.

That's very cool.

Yeah.

Anyway, they're finding a bunch of other stuff too.

So it could be a hoard.

What they would call a hoard.

So like, for instance, like if a guy's out with a, with a metal detector and he finds all this Anglo-Saxon gold.

Or I should say Saxon gold, they usually just call it a hoard, you know, like they, they took all their gold and they hid it or, you know, jewels, what have you.

Like Bulgaria, speaking of Bulgaria, they, they found the Scythians, they, beautiful gold workers, just gorgeous shit.

I mean, it's not just lumps of gold.

It's just like beautiful jewelry and artwork.

Yeah.

So they, I mean, there's a whole bunch of different theories of what it could be.

Yeah.

Fuck.

I might watch that myself.

But, but just, you know, there's also some evidence that maybe there were some withdrawals

already.

So.

Well, somebody had to be able to get down there.

Right.

Well, the, you know, essentially, you know, like the, the French fort that hid their stuff,

they, they got back in power.

So maybe they just pulled their stuff back out.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

And, um.

Yeah.

You just have this pit that keeps filling up with water.

Well, yeah, and there's also some evidence, no real proof yet, that there was a withdrawal made to help fund the American Revolution.

Tits.

Right.

I mean, so who cares if there's gold or not?

If they can find proof that something like that happened, it's like, holy crap.

Now, of course, like most stuff, like all these UFO documentaries I watch and Bigfoot and everything, it's probably going to end up like, eh, maybe, we don't know, and I'll be disappointed again, but who knows?

You know, the worst show for that is Expedition Unknown.

That ginger guy.

Oh, I've watched some of those.

I've enjoyed some of those shows.

Some of them are okay, but number one, okay, he's a ginger, and he's clearly in a lot of tropical environments where he shouldn't be.

Yeah.

And he's always bitching about how miserable it is.

Yeah.

And then whatever he's looking for, he doesn't even come close to finding it.

It's like, well, dude, don't get me all excited.

Yeah.

Did you have something other than GLOW?

Heck yeah, man.

Oh, by the way, as far as GLOW goes, Alison Brie is also being tapped to be She-Hulk.

Oh!

And nothing has been said, but I fucking want that, because for those who don't know, She-Hulk is really...

She-Hulk is really, like, a lawyer character who accidentally becomes a Hulk kind of character.

I love She-Hulk.

But she still retains all the memory and all the smartness and all the ability and has none of the problems of Bruce Banner, you know, whatever.

So, God, having Alison Brie be the face of She-Hulk would be awesome.

That would be cool.

So I want that, and I, you know, she's awesome.

Love her, love her.

But anyway, yeah, I was thinking about...

There's a couple movies I've actually seen, but I was thinking about other things that are on Netflix that I've seen.

There's one that I wanted to mention.

Oh, sure.

You know, movie theaters shut down and everything.

I got to see Uncut Gems at the Union South Theater on campus for free.

That is the Adam Sandler film where he plays a jewel thief, basically.

Have you seen it?

I have.

No.

After your recommendation...

Yeah, I had five heart attacks watching that movie.

Oh, my God.

It's not just that, you know, he's this gem dealer.

He's this incredible, compulsive gambler who just, like, takes everything and just goes over and over.

Oh, my God.

There is not a down moment.

It is not the Adam Sandler movie that, you know, like, Jack and Jill.

No.

I mean, I love him in serious roles, and I honestly wish he would do more serious roles.

I do, too.

I love how he grabs all his buddies and all his friends and he says,

Hey, let's go here and we'll do a film.

It'll be called Grown Ups 5.

Who cares?

And then they all get together and make a really...

It's a pretty Adam Sandler film that no one cares about.

They're all getting paid big money for it, and they have fun doing it.

It's like Ocean's Eleven.

They're just fucking around.

Who can fucking blame him?

Do that.

When he puts his mind to a film like Punch-Drunk Love, where Adam Sandler played, like, a guy

who has real emotional problems, and Punch-Drunk Love is where I went, this motherfucker can

do this.

He's got acting chops.

Yeah.

I've talked that movie up way more than...

I should re-watch it again.

So I stopped.

I stopped talking it up.

But then I said, you know, because of Punch-Drunk Love, when he came out with this movie where

it's supposed to be a very serious movie filmed by the Safdie brothers, who do, like, you

know, they did Safe, I think was the name of the movie.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

So they do these hardcore movies, and I was like, okay, here's a really weird sidebar.

Pee Wee Herman, Paul Rumans himself, wants the Safdie brothers to do the next Pee Wee

Herman movie.

Wow.

And he wants it to be fucking crazy.

And everyone's like, I don't know if we're ready for that.

And I'm like, I'm ready for that.

I am very ready for that.

I am so down for that.

Speaking of which, did anyone see The Goldbergs this week?

Oh, God, no.

All about Pee Wee's big adventure.

Oh, really?

Oh, God.

That's all I'm going to say.

Cool, cool.

So I love Pee Wee.

I love Paul Rubens.

I love Blow.

Yeah.

I mean, the movie.

And I love the idea.

I mean, because he was in it.

I love Lamp.

I mean, he was in it.

And even Paul Rubens knows how to throw down a really hardcore good performance.

Yes, he does.

Yes.

Seeing Adam Sandler just rip up the goddamn scenes.

And The Weeknd was in this.

And they had to set it at this very specific time point where these actual NBA things happened.

Because Sandler is a huge basketball fan.

And he couldn't have had it land in a way where it didn't happen in this historical time of these basketball events that actually did happen.

I mean, I don't know.

I loved it.

And I was heavy breathing.

And at the end of it, I kind of hated it.

But I loved it.

But I was like, that was, I mean, it got denied at the Oscars.

But he won the Golden Globe.

And he gave a really good Golden Globe speech.

And I saw the speech before I saw the movie.

And then I saw the movie and I was like, well, he's right.

He's right.

If he would have released that movie, I think just even as much as maybe a month and a month and a half earlier than he did.

Because it was kind of late in the year.

I think he would have been a stronger contender.

I really do.

I just think that comedians are always underrepresented.

Oh, yes, they are.

Yes, they are.

And that's really wrong because I think it is so much harder for a dramatic actor to do comedy than it is for a comedian to do good drama.

Yeah, no.

Comedians can easily do drama.

Yes, they can.

Yeah, I totally believe that.

But, I mean, can Robert De Niro do it for laughs?

Evidence is not for it.

I'm not for it.

I'm against it.

But anyway.

I highly recommend Uncut Gems.

That's a lot of fun.

If you're stuck at home, watch this movie.

If you don't drink coffee before you watch it because you will be caffeinated by the end of it.

Oh, God.

Because it was heartbreaking.

And there are so many great performances.

I mean, it just was so good.

It's one of those movies that I think, like I say, it was released at a bad time, but it was a lot of fun.

And I think that people got, they got, oh, Adam Sandler.

Adam Sandler.

It's going to be grown-ups part 27.

Or something.

It was not.

No, no.

It was brutal in a way.

Oh, God.

It was like wild.

It wasn't Quentin Tarantino wild.

It was like wild in its own way, which is kind of neat to see.

Well, what was fascinating to me was, is it just takes you in to this whole world of high-stakes gambling.

Yeah.

Where this guy was just, I mean, to say he was robbing Peter to pay Paul doesn't even touch it.

He robbed Peter and Paul to pay someone else.

Yeah.

So that he could pay back Peter and Paul eventually.

So the chain just keeps going and you keep thinking, well, how in the fuck is this?

How is he pulling this shit off?

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, and you don't have to.

Kind of a Bernie Madoff thing.

Yeah, you don't have to be in the know of it.

You know, he wants to be.

Yeah, I'll have to see this one.

He wants to be released from prison because he's dying.

Well, fucking die in prison.

Yeah.

You know, die in place.

Shelter in place, you son of a bitch.

Hey, guys.

I remembered the other movie or TV series I want to recommend on Netflix specifically.

What?

It was Don't Fuck With Cats.

If you haven't seen that yet, you should probably watch Don't Fuck With Cats.

Okay.

I don't watch a lot of documentary shows, but Don't Fuck With Cats is about someone who

fucked with cats.

Yeah.

And then a whole internet community found him and tried to fuck with him.

Right.

Because he fucked with cats.

Like, I think he killed cats.

Yeah.

Or a cat.

It was like, essentially, he's like a snuff artist.

He's a snuff person.

Well, artist, not really.

Yeah, not artist.

But then they fucked with him to find him.

And the whole way this documentary shows how human connectivity works nowadays on the internet

and how you could or could not stop someone doing something goes into a larger story that

is fascinating when you get to the end of it.

And the only piece of advice I could give to anybody going in to watch a documentary like

this is don't look it up beforehand.

Just watch it.

Because you'll realize it's a story that you probably heard about, but have forgotten

about because it happened a couple years ago.

It's just kind of a weird way, the way we are always constantly moving on to the next

plateau of the media.

But don't look up what happened because you really want to watch it unfold and then realize,

oh my God, this is what this is all about.

Sure.

So anyway, yeah.

Highly recommend Don't Fuck With Cats.

Speaking of that, there was something on public television.

Recently that if they replay it, I think you guys would really like it.

It was called Net World.

And I think you would particularly enjoy it, Tor, because there was a lot of mathematics

to it.

Because the guy, what the guy was talking about is, okay, he had me in the first five

minutes when he said, the internet, is it the world's greatest communication and education

tool or just something that a very small elite uses to profit from your data?

And I'm thinking, number two.

Number two.

So that's a PBS documentary?

Series.

Okay.

Anyways, he uses history.

Documentary series.

Correct.

A docu-series, if you will.

All right.

So he talks about human networks of the past in order to better understand.

But the whole time he's talking to all these sociologists and mathematicians about network

theory.

And it's fascinating just how people put all of this stuff together.

And it's, you know, you think, so he starts off with the example of,

um, you know, Johannes Gutenberg in the, you know, doing the printing press in the latter

part of the 15th century.

And then the early part of the 16th century, Martin Luther comes out with, you know, his

theses and this just gets passed and it's cheap copies and everything.

But then he starts to look at like, you know, the mathematical, the mathematics behind networking

and so forth.

And it's just utterly fascinating because he uses, uh, you know, how these people pioneered,

how human networks work.

And how like cities essentially are examples of the human body or, you know, that the, that

these things are, they find a balance with the people that create them and that you can

see the ghost in the machine is definitely there.

And it's, it's just a fascinating series.

So, you know, it might be, um, it's, I, I wouldn't say it's a light one, but, uh, you

know, we're in the bunker.

So it's called net world and it's on PBS, PBS.

Google.

So, um, may I do one or did you have anyone?

I got one I can throw in.

Oh, please.

Uh, I saw the Netflix movie, uh, Spencer confidential.

Oh, did you like it?

Did you guys watch it?

No, I did not.

I'm aware of it.

It's Mark.

It's Mark Wahlberg.

Wahlberg.

Yeah.

Uh, he, uh, he's anyway, long story short, the, uh, I did like it.

It's enjoyable.

It's, it's worth it.

It's worth a watch.

Uh, it's just kind of a good, uh, essentially Mark Wahlberg is a cop that beat up another

cop, got thrown in prison, gets let out.

And now that he's free again, uh, some, something's not quite right.

So he's got to, you know, figure it out and solve and, you know, help out some people.

And so I thought it was good thumbs up, but in the grand scheme of things, it's somewhat

comparable.

Uh, to, uh, a couple other movies we talked about years ago, Infernal Affairs.

I love Infernal Affairs.

That's a great one.

And The Departed.

Fuck you, Departed.

I don't like that rat on the rail on the end cause it annoyed me.

And the, now Mark Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg also was in The Departed.

I know.

He was also in The Departed.

Okay.

There were great performances in The Departed.

Here's long story short.

I'd rank it Infernal Affairs.

Number one.

Perfect.

Number two.

The Departed, number two.

I agree.

And.

The Departed was a number two.

And Spencer Confidential at three.

Really?

Wow.

Yeah.

Was it a movie?

I'm in.

Or was it a.

I think it was a Netflix movie as far as I could tell.

Yeah.

It is a Netflix movie.

I mean, it's good.

And of course I saw these, the other two movies many years ago.

Well, um.

Yeah.

There's no reason you can't enjoy like a similar plot, you know, with different actors

in an updated scenario.

Yeah.

I mean, you can totally enjoy.

Yeah.

Spencer Confidential.

Fewer.

Tor, you can count them.

Yeah.

Or.

Yeah.

And minus.

Lesser the uncountable.

And I think I can count all the things that annoy me about.

And minus X.

Something like that.

Goddamn.

Good one.

Nerded out.

But, uh.

But that's just my opinion.

Your opinion might be different.

No, that's fine.

That's fine.

So I'm just gonna throw that out there as something.

What do you always.

Your mileage may vary.

You'll do a review of a movie.

Yeah.

You went to Disney.

Yeah.

You went to Disney.

You go, your mileage may vary.

Yeah.

Like, no, I'm sure.

You know.

And I am not like the Mr. Movie Review guy.

Which means.

But I like hearing what you like.

Yeah.

I do too.

But there may be people listening who's like, you know, I usually end up only liking

the stuff Tor likes.

But.

Hey, Tor.

It's nice to be nice to the nice.

Or.

Or they're like, I hate everything that Tor likes.

So I guess I have to give my opinions and then you can base what you like off of that.

See, I think most of our listeners who have followed my recommendations fall into that

latter category.

You know, I use Sputnik as a reverse barometer.

He says he likes it.

I'm thinking that shit's not for me.

I should avoid that.

And as Victor, I say, watch Salo.

It's a great film.

It's really uplifting.

I mean, it just, it just brings me love.

Same with Audition.

Pulls me in.

Yeah.

It just pulls me in.

Gives me like hope.

Yeah.

For the world.

Like Salo, Audition.

There's just few films out there that really bring me that kind of hope.

It just puts it, it puts its hand on my hiney and keeps it there.

Yeah.

And if this was social media.

Yeah.

It would just be like, and other movies that Tor liked are.

I mean, Human Semi 3.

I mean, that's, that's like the best movie ever.

I haven't even seen that.

If you like this, Tor also liked.

It is now the Tor algorithm.

Yeah.

Oh God.

Hey, it's been a long time since we talked.

Okay.

Cool.

I gotta say, I saw Birds of Prey.

Did we talk about Birds of Prey in a podcast at all?

Boy, that.

I mean.

Fuck, I don't think we did.

Yeah.

I watched it.

It was just so long ago.

They're like, Qingan ships, but.

Yeah, with Margot Robbie and whatnot.

I adore her.

Yeah.

Especially as Harley Quinn.

I, I'm pointing it out now because we're all going into quarantine right now.

Right.

Yeah.

And it's gonna be available on any streaming service.

Rise of Skywalker is next week.

Yeah.

I highly suggest people watch it because like you got one of my favorite, okay, you got

Ewan McGregor from Star Wars as the bad guy.

Black Mask.

no one really cares about but you know he's a funny villain and margot robbie eats up the

scenery and uh also mary elizabeth winstead from um uh scott pilgrim uh she uh played ramona flowers

yeah sure she uh plays the huntress in probably the only and best version of the huntress i've

ever seen on film like i've always such a little waif and she's playing the huntress the huntress

yeah oh my god she's the best as the hunter no shit yeah almost stole the show almost i will

watch it on the way to that alone yeah and it's kind of a fantasy weird silly movie where you're

like well why would the police station not be able to handle that well let's not let's not

question reality too much it's a birds of prey margot robbie uh harley quinn movie anyway stop

being a dick yeah yeah don't don't be a dick it's not worth it it's not worth it totally not worth

it so um all right

and then and then i also wanted to mention um on hbo there's this uh stephen king adaptation

which i almost i wish i didn't know it was an adaptation called the outsider uh starring jason

bateman and he also directs a few episodes and his direction is wonderful oh um just just as a

side note for jason bateman uh new season of ozark oh i'm waiting for it that's coming out

really really soon yes is it already it's close it's close i think next week so excited so he's

a great actor

he's he's in the show it's really about uh it's a detective drama about horror murder and wow a

child is brutally horribly murdered in the very first episode and then bill mendelsohn plays a

detective who has to figure out yeah bill mendelsohn that's right yeah he ate the goddamn

scenes in captain marvel he's krennic in rogue one i love bill mendelsohn he's he he speaks barely

above a whisper oh my god he's a great actor he's a great actor he's a great actor he's a great actor

it's so menacing yeah he is so so he's the detective that won't get sucked into your

horror bullshit he's trying to do things by the books but uh it's a really really great show and

i've heard some people say you know well the the the way it ended was kind of weird i don't know

if you saw the whole thing but the way it ended i didn't see the whole thing but i did start

watching it based on your recommendation i do like it so good and uh you know classic steven

king it does end kind of weird but that might be uh well the idea of the show is that it's a

that it's going to lead into a second season so i'm giving it some slack mainly because what i

really liked about it most was the direction was bizarre as if it wasn't filmed by people

filming people but by an outsider who doesn't really understand people and i i just i got that

feeling when i was watching it this is a film right a tv series filmed in a way to make you

feel at not at ease ill at ease you're supposed to feel

like you don't know where someone's watching this all from and i loved it loved it loved it and

in a you know five episodes i was hooked you know i was like really really into it so highly

suggest it and if you don't like it i totally understand you can be i can be a reverse barometer

i don't care but i did really really enjoy it and i was hanging on every uh word on that one

and then i also um i've been watching better call saul because bob odenkirk and the new season is

so good

i haven't started the new season oh god it's so good i think you'd really like it so fucking good

you know at first when i started watching better call saul i at first i was kind of bitter toward

it because i didn't want um uh breaking bad to end basically just because it was so so good

but you know once i just sort of let it just let it be on its own merits i thought this is really

really a good show i mean you actually on a par with yeah well a lot of people are pointing out

that on on forums uh

you can find out that they're referencing uh breaking bad and there are characters that you

never really see like judges are mentioned throughout better call saul that are mentioned

in breaking bad like there's a continuity that this is the same universe this isn't just some

joke they are seriously leading everything into some path right right and we don't know the whole

path no but it's there that's what i like they know everything it's almost like doctor who which

i have to say i really enjoyed the new season this

season finale was wonderful awesome yeah but in breaking bad you know um you know saul goodman he

would he would know a certain connection right that then would then be introduced into the show

yeah but you wouldn't know why he knew that or how that connection was made yeah now after better

called saul you know why yeah yeah but there's some weird shit saul is doing stuff now that he's

saul and no longer jimmy like i feel like that flip has been switched like he's doing shit and

oh my god he and you also notice that it's gotten less dramatic and more cartoony because you're

following this path of a character who's becoming a cartoon of himself and i i feel like as the

series has moved forward you're slowly getting jokier and jokier things because you're never

getting the true saul you're never getting the true story and and we're getting we're getting

sucked up into his story a little more i just i'm really excited to see how they wrap that up

to me it's almost like saul isn't as important to the story as just everything that's swirling

around him like he's just a nexus or a focal point and everything else is just kind of swirling

and in because i've never been one like i always get i can never just sit and watch something and

go through like oh what did this mean or what did that mean you know i kind of like to just let the

narrative kind of flow through and so on but i mean sure i do keep an eye on certain things but

and the season of doctor who too were yeah i'm really watching all of the the little side things

and trying to piece that together and that's that's pretty good so yeah doctor who left some

weird uh things open and that's fine let it ride and then we'll see what happens the next season

they have a good mixture of old and new writers and they don't rely so heavily on i was a little

disappointed to be honest with you that they brought back the cybermen because they were

never like one of my favorite ones

what bill cyberman yeah bill cyberman i've always been a cyberman you're a cyberman i'm a cyberman

it's like being a free mace and only more intense that was really annoying that bill

cyberman had such a big role but yeah yeah but i thought it was an okay way to like have a

protagonist or an antagonist it's a it's a familiar defend against you know yeah i just have to do

that i just hope they don't bring the i'm sure it'll happen but in the fucking daleks will come

back hey man i just want silurian cyberman there you go there we go i'm ready for that i'm ready

for that hey uh

one last thing that happened well maybe two i'm sorry tor keeping you late but hey we're all on

quarantine so we've got like we got time to kill i got people are gonna want to listen just so you

know i got i got a couple of quick ones too if that's okay i'm prepping for my last one just a

quick one before yeah just a quick one before she's while she while he's away is that what it

is uh yes oh and we have a really well planned episode two coming up 203 i think we've got some

good plans for that one i think it's fair to say this is uh going to be a very special

show and i think it's going to be a lot a lot of fun and definitely will keep your mind off of

the big ugly three yeah i think we've talked about this off camera um but not on camera because this

is a podcast uh once upon a time in hollywood yes i think at lunch we talked about it but i don't

think we talked about this no actually i think we did talk about it in our last do we hit it in the

last one we you know it's sometimes it's hard for me to remember our conversations versus our

podcasts right yeah so well i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

i'm kind of on a talk record erase mode here short short recap short recap i really really

really enjoyed once upon a time in in hollywood yeah because uh you know people were complaining

about how slow it was i've had a hell of a time getting my hands on it i still haven't gotten a

dvd of it now i haven't seen once upon a in holly once upon a time in hollywood but isn't that the

genre with with the once upon a time movies kind of yeah i mean slow movies right right yeah exactly

exactly exactly it's the enero marconi kind of uh you know yeah it's a whole genre and and it it

hits he took it so slow and so paced and so mellow and it was all about you know people say it's a

love letter to hollywood of that era yes it's exactly what it is but i've never seen tarantino

more focused in his direction in that movie i think people are missing the fact that he meant

that so fucking hard that like he

understands what the actors were going through that were eventually you know riding off to italy

to go make those spaghetti westerns you know he knew rick dalton he knew the stuntman he knew those

kind of things and like it was so well written and plotted and yeah and every i was i was never

at any point during any part of that movie going god damn this is dragon i really wish this would

have picked up its pace a little bit but we need

he's eating macaroni and cheese not everything should be fast paced oh god no but but yeah but

but another problem i have is some movies think oh if we just make it slow enough it'll seem good

like ad astra where it's glacially glacially paced daddy she's for no fucking reason that's

that's a very good example yeah you don't have a good director who doesn't know what he's doing

if you have a good director who knows what he's doing and he's doing that glacial pace but he's

also filling in all these other things

rather than just riding in a buggy with a helmet on you can't tell what the hell's going on

you really need to be engaged in what's going on and man tarantino has slow film down to a science

like not since kubrick have we really had a director who's understood that i don't know who

else i'd put on that stage as being able to film really slow shit as well as i think the thing that

that i enjoyed so much about that movie was that um it was something that you said to our during

our spaghetti western podcast and we were talking about the movie and i was like oh my god i don't

about once upon a time in the west and you were saying it's like this whole movie it's just like

watching a series of really well painted pictures yeah and that the whole thing was building this

context of okay these this is the whole town this is the whole sense of this and that movie

once upon a time in hollywood was very much that way too he took his time to say hey this

southern california 1969 and i i think i gave you a copy of the soundtrack yeah and it what's

beautiful about that besides the the period uh music it also has a lot of the radio chatter

from southern california in between it which again builds perfectly into them so you just

have like brad pitt driving around and you know you have these characters and it's and margot robbie

so she was almost ethereal all right so tory you haven't seen the movie right i have not okay so

who do margo robbie play just like sharon brief brief little uh introduction so sharon tate

manson yeah she's pregnant attacked you know yeah so so yeah they they they took that whole

manson sharon tate thing but it injected this tarantino weird world

yeah of like people who don't really exist but people who do really exist and put them in the

same frames and so he was able to like i love how he's able to tell a story that's kind of

historical but also say well it's not really historical because my characters are not really

real and they're there and then you've got bruce lee who's real and you got this guy impersonating

bruce lee doing such a good job like inglorious bastards or uh oh django unchained yeah but

i don't know what he's doing because i don't know what he's doing because i don't know what he's

doing because i don't know what he's doing because i don't know what he's doing because

it was just a whole context the whole movie was the was i think the main character in a lot of

ways i feel bad about the rap it got because yes it's not my top number one or two quentin

tarantino's but when i got done watching that movie and i got to the end of it i was like god

damn right that's exactly what i wanted that movie to be that was so fucking beautiful i love it

I'll tell you something else, too.

I would love to see Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt do more movies together, because they made a great duo.

They were so good together.

And Brad Pitt ripped his shirt off at this one point in the scene.

I'm like, motherfucker, I'm going to have to get my home gym together.

Oh, God, I know.

Jesus Christ.

All he was going to do was fix the antenna on the roof.

And he plays the stuntman.

For all you kids, Google antenna on the roof.

Google antenna on the roof.

So he's supposed to fix this antenna on the roof.

And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, he just looks up.

And the way he deals with time and space, he's like, takes his time.

Even Brad Pitt, obviously, directed like hell.

That whole scene.

Okay, so he puts on his tool belt.

Does he use a ladder to get up on the roof?

No, he just parkours.

Parkour being that, you know.

Before parkour.

Way before parkour.

I'll say it's French.

It's just jumping from thing to thing.

Yeah, it's like when people go in buildings.

And they're like jumping from ledge to ledge.

All cat-like.

All nimbly-pimbly.

Yeah, I saw that on TV.

Well, so, but I mean, anyways.

He just instantly is on the roof.

Parkour.

He just jumps off this fence.

He's on the roof.

And you know it's him.

He gets up, takes his shirt off.

He's got his tool belt.

And he just lights a cigarette.

And he's just sitting in the sun.

And he's like, you magnificent bastard.

He's just standing on the roof.

And then he rips his shirt off.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it's hot.

Fuck.

And he's ripped.

And I'm like, ah, you motherfuckers.

I mean, it's just one scene.

But it just pulls you into what.

There are a lot of scenes like that where nothing's happening.

Like there's a scene at Brad Pitt's.

I'm not going to give away plot points.

But he's just at his trailer with his dog making macaroni and cheese.

Yeah.

And I was riveted.

I know.

I was riveted.

I know.

It's so weird when you try to describe that to people.

Yeah.

And they say, what are you, high?

And I'm like, that's none of your business.

Why?

Yeah.

And then he goes to the actual store.

Studio, which did exist.

Then there was the moment where he went to Spahn Ranch, which is real.

I've been there.

And meets Squeaky Froman.

And it's just, it's so cool to see some of these horrible people brought to life by great

actors and great actresses.

And I forgot the name of the actor who plays the lead guy who's half blind.

Bruce Dern.

Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah.

Now, kids.

So, Squeaky Froman tried to assassinate Gerald Ford, which, as we all know, is redundant.

And kids, when you're using an automatic, always remember, pull back the slide, chamber

around.

No, seriously.

She had half a clip and didn't pull the slide back.

But I gotta say, that movie, I mean, God, if we're gonna be in quarantine for months,

I mean, that movie is like three hours long.

Beautiful, beautiful.

And it's worth your time to not.

We don't have to speed through things anymore.

There's no reason we have to be on TikTok.

There's no reason we have to be on Vine, other than for the fun of it.

Vine doesn't exist anymore, but TikTok's the new Vine.

Sure.

But, you know, we can enjoy a long, lugubriously, lugubriously paced, you know, film like this.

And, man, I fucking loved it.

And I was smiling ear to ear for at least a day or two.

I think I even texted you after being like, oh, my God, I was so happy with how that movie

turned out.

So, I just, I wanted to share the movie as a, you know, bunker film.

I think I'd seen that last summer.

And when we had lunch at our, one of our favorite hideaways, I was telling you guys about that.

And I was having a hard time describing it then.

It was like, whoa, it's a, you guys were looking at me like, yeah, that sounds great.

The last thing I want to tell you guys is I took, I took Adzuki.

Yep.

To the Overture Theater.

Mm-hmm.

To see the most important, very important.

Okay.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 live.

Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun.

Starring Joel.

Joel Hodgson.

And they did, they did a Jean-Claude Van Damme film called No Retreat, No Surrender.

Oh, God.

I've seen that.

And it was fucking ear to ear hilarious.

It was, I honestly don't think I've laughed so hard in, like, months.

I mean, this was before, you know.

We even heard the word coronavirus.

But, like, even before that, I was laughing so hard, realizing I really haven't enjoyed something this much in so long.

They had puppeteers behind Crow and Tom Servo.

Oh, neat.

And they did such a good job.

And it was such a good stage show.

And I got seats that were really up front because I was like, if I'm going to go see this, we're going to get really up in the front row.

And, yeah, so, Godzuki loved it.

She loved it, too.

She's still wearing the T-shirt.

I still have the coffee mug.

But, yeah, I highly recommend.

I think Joel's probably done touring now.

And, unfortunately, I don't know that they're going to get another season.

So, we just have to enjoy what they have done in the past.

That was great.

The pictures that you had sent just looked like a lot of fun.

So fun.

Could I quickly just do a couple?

Okay.

One is, and again, okay, it's the Sputnik list, so just feel free to disregard.

But, on HBO, there was a continuation.

There was a continuation of a series that I just absolutely loved.

It was called The New Pope.

It was a continuation from The Young Pope.

And Jude Law was in both as the Pope.

And then, Malkovich Malkovich was the New Pope.

And you could just imagine the frippery, the acting.

Way more nudity than I was expecting.

Are these based on real popes?

Not whatsoever.

Do you hear?

Okay.

The Pope is encouraging priests not to have sex with kids.

Get out of here.

Yeah, it's because of COVID-19.

That's funny.

Crazy talk.

I mean, really.

These priests have to be careful.

They're elderly.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

We're just like, it's like, let's take every joke.

Like, I always remember the one about Michael J.

Hey, do you hear Michael Jackson's wearing a diaper on his arm?

Yeah, he's wearing the patch.

He's trying to quit kids.

It's like, oh, God.

It's like, no, I don't want to.

Sorry.

Yeah, sorry.

You know what?

I apologize.

Sorry.

You make your own decisions of what to leave in and what not to.

I've been kind of.

Jordan's going to write me a sternly worded letter.

I've been really.

Please leave that joke out about the Pope.

I found a.

A YouTube channel, which is all Soviet cinema.

So I have been just burying myself in Russian movies.

Nice.

I've been just like cruising through Eisenstein and all you name it.

So then I went on IMDb and found like the hundred best Russian movies ever made.

So I've just been pounding.

Oh, my God.

We have to talk.

And then.

And then, of course, I had to rewatch when I haven't seen since the 80s.

And this was a bellow Russian movie called Come and See.

Oh, God.

No.

Yeah.

No, don't.

No, I watched it again.

You know, I watched it again and it was like, oh, that kid, though, was so good.

Oh, my God.

I mean, his face just reflected.

Yeah, it was made.

Yeah, that was almost made to be a challenge to watch.

Oh, God, it is.

But it's considered one of the best anti-war movies ever made.

Yeah.

So because if you can.

Yeah.

Anyway.

My name is Ivan.

That's another one.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

The last one is it's a series tour.

We watched an Errol Morris documentary called The Undecided.

Unknown Known with Donald Rumsfeld, which I think we both admitted we had to do like

in 15 minute spurts because there's like, I want to bring his fucking name.

They use the interrogator.

Yeah.

Oh, boy.

Anyways, it was very difficult to watch in any case because he was just so irritating.

I may have blocked it out.

But anyways, there's a series on Netflix called Dirty Money, which I highly recommend, but

it is hard to watch.

So that had the one in there about, you know, the Volkswagen diesel.

Um, scandal and so forth.

And, and, and the more they dig into it, the more you just want to become like a dedicated

Stalinist and they have a new season out.

And what's the first show?

Jared Kushner, everyone.

The Kushners.

Lots and lots of dirty money.

Lots and lots and lots.

So anyways, that I believe.

I've got one more.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tor.

I didn't.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize.

No, that's fine.

Something's got to be last.

And my question is, have you guys ever watched Stumptown?

Love it.

Seen the whole thing.

Hold.

No.

Well, I think that.

It's also a graphic novel.

There's like one more episode coming out.

It was past this Wednesday.

You mean yesterday?

Yes.

Okay.

I haven't seen it yet.

I haven't either.

Okay.

So.

Neither have I.

It was based on a graphic novel.

And it's very, very good.

Yeah.

The star is Dexperios.

Is that.

Which is short for?

Dexedrine.

Okay.

And.

But.

She's played.

She's.

She's a private detective.

Played by.

Kobe Smulders.

Who you know from the Marvel movies.

Yes.

And.

How I Met Your Mother.

Mm-hmm.

So.

Was she playing the Marvel movies?

I don't know.

Oh, shit.

She helps Nick Furry.

Nick Furry?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know Nick was a furry.

Furry.

I knew.

I'm always going to say that wrong.

Nick.

Let's cut that.

No.

We're leaving Nick Furry in.

Nick Furry.

That is staying in.

And we.

Yeah.

That's got to stay in.

Well, if he'd grow a bigger afro.

He's a fuzzy man.

You know.

We all know what he likes.

Yeah.

She's like part of S.H.I.E.L.D.

All right.

Good enough for me.

She's one of the.

Yeah.

S.H.I.E.L.D.

attacks on the helicarrier, I think, or some shit like that.

Yeah.

Oh, is that his number one helper person?

Because I know there's that woman.

Yeah.

Let's say that's right.

I am down with that.

Yeah.

But.

I'm more down with Nick Furry.

I always have trouble with that word, that variation.

It does not trip off the tongue.

Nick Fury.

Fury.

Right.

Because it's a hard CK, and then you just go right into that.

Yeah.

When you grow up above the pine curtain, it's hard, man.

I used to really like Nick Fury being the white guy, Nick Fury.

And then David Hasselhoff played him.

And then I was like, hey, maybe we should go with the other Nick Fury version.

How dare you?

Bring that up.

Did you ever see that?

Yes.

I saw that, and I was like, yeah, man, I'm fine with Samuel Jackson.

Because, you know, they designed the, I'm sorry, I'm going to nerd out.

They designed the character for this version of Nick Fury off of Samuel Jackson without telling him.

Without his permission.

He's basically model built on him.

And then when he found out about it, he was like, well, you can't just use my image.

And they're like, well, how about if we ever make a movie, you get to be Nick Fury.

And he's like.

That's fine.

Wow.

And then they made the Marvel movies.

And then he became Nick Fury.

And I'm like, well, that's fucking awesome.

Yeah.

He actually played a very good Nick, I thought.

Oh, he was so good.

Yeah, so good.

Anyway.

So anyway, on Stumptown, Dex is a former military person.

And I really like what they're doing with character building.

Yes.

Throughout the whole series.

And this is one you really want to watch them in order if you can.

You really have to.

Yeah.

It's very character driven.

You're right.

Yeah.

And but yeah, the character building is great.

And it does touch on some like post-traumatic stress disorders.

Yes.

Episodes.

So, you know, it's something I wasn't in the military myself.

And so I think it's kind of interesting to watch because you kind of get what, you know,

maybe some people are going through some pretty serious shit.

That's true.

And there is.

We should mention for the kids.

That there is a lot of bisexuality in this movie as well.

Yeah.

It's, you know, it's.

I'm sorry.

Serious.

It's not for the not not for the younger kids.

It's not like a younger superhero thing.

It's a adult for adults.

But but yet it is a TV show on the American Broadcasting Company Network, whatever.

ABC.

Disney.

Cole.

Yeah.

Holy Owen subsidiary.

Right.

And so it.

Yeah.

We saw the torpedo.

It's at the end of this show.

Well, it's kind of the unofficial logo.

Yeah.

So a little bit.

It's got kind of that, you know, a shimmy monk or murder.

She wrote kind of twist to it now and then.

But with a lot more really hard edge.

Yeah.

Action.

Yes.

And stuff like that.

And the writing so far seems good.

And the plots are awesome.

It's been very consistently good.

Yeah.

And I'm not one.

I've always said that there is three things I don't care about on TV.

Doctors.

Lawyers.

Or cops.

You know.

Well, she's a private investigator.

She's a private investigator.

But then, you know, it's like.

But there's a cop in it.

It's one of the characters.

Yeah.

Who was from a series that I'd wished had been picked up and that was almost human.

Oh, yeah.

Did you ever see that?

It was.

No.

I was in like the near future and he's like an android cop.

Okay.

Yeah.

And his partner was Carl Urban.

As you may know him as the new Dr. McGaughy.

Or Judge Dredd.

Oh, that was the best Judge Dredd.

In the film Dredd.

Yeah.

I can see why that would be good.

Best version of Dredd.

Yeah.

That's worth a rewatch right now, too.

Yeah.

He does a good job as this police officer in Stumptown.

Yes, he does.

He looks like a young Smokey Robinson.

He has that feel to him.

Anyways, yeah.

That's one that I've really been enjoying, too.

Uh-huh.

I think I walked by a Smokey Robinson concert once.

Said a county fair somewhere.

I walked straight to the front.

I walked to the front row of a Foghat show once at Summerfest.

Yeah.

I rushed the stage.

Yeah, you don't fuck around, man.

Scared the hell out of the guy.

Smokey Robinson, Foghat, Foghat bass player had no idea what was coming at him, man.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I was ready for that.

Looking back, I wish we would have sat down and listened to a number of songs.

But I think we were ready for lunch.

Well, gentlemen, I think we've...

I think we went long, and I think that was purposeful.

Well, it's been a while since we've gotten together.

We've plenty of time.

Plenty of time.

We hope that you enjoy some of our recommendations.

You have plenty of time.

And, hey, if you have some, let us know at feedback at tankride.com, because we're always

looking for things to watch, too, because we're in the same bunker.

Not the same bunker, because then we'd all have the virus.

But...

Right.

Different bunkers.

We're keeping a respectable distance of three inches apart.

You know...

I think that's what the government recommended.

I have been in so many stores where they have blue tape squares that you have to stand in.

And that always reminds me of Howard Hughes, you know, after he had his big plane crash

in 45, and he started living in the desert, and, you know, surrounding himself with his

Mormon guards and so forth, and he would have people stand in a white square, and he said,

okay, all right, you can come in now.

And it was like, it didn't do anything.

It just, you know, he was so obsessive compulsive, he had to...

A little Les Nesman thing going on.

Yeah.

This is my office!

To him, it was like de-germing you.

And then he'd come in, and you were clean.

So, yeah.

Anyways.

So, be happy, be safe, be healthy.

Hopefully this shit will be gone.

Probably not by Easter, as El Jefe says, but...

Yeah.

Please take whatever advice Donald Trump says and do the opposite.

You'll probably be better off.

Use El Jefe as our, a good reverse barometer for science, religion, economics, just about

anything, really.

Anything, really.

Yeah.

Except maybe, like, reality programming, because that's what he's best at.

True.

So?

I guess I'll give him that.

It's like Hitler, you know?

He did one good thing.

He killed Hitler.

Yeah.

That's true.

He did invent the highway system.

I think he did.

Good night.

This has been Tank Ride.

I said good day.

You get nothing!

Nothing, Charlie!

Your papers!

Nothing!

Too little of the new!

Just get the...

Surrender mercy!

Don't go taking them home!

Surrender mercy!

Don't go taking them home

Say what my father say

Don't go taking them home

Say what my father say

Don't go taking them home

Hey everybody, it's Victor, editing.

It's taking me extra long to edit this episode, sorry about that.

You know, time constraints and whatnot.

I hope everyone...

I hope everyone's well, I hope everyone's staying at home, I hope everyone's, like, doing the necessary.

I, uh, was really upset by the news of losing Adam Schlesinger today, uh, from Fountains of Wayne.

And I love their music very much, and I'm, yeah, just bummed about that.

But, you know, it's the nature of life and death.

Yeah.

I'm gonna play a song at the end of this.

Um, with or without copyright rights, cause I don't give a fuck anymore.

Who, why do we care about this anymore?

Copyright's so insane nowadays.

Anyway, um, one of my friends who died in a reckless car suicide, look it up.

His name is John Glick.

Um, he's a musician from Madison.

He did a cover in one of his bands, Fez Petting Zoo.

Called, uh, Whole World Lost Its Head.

It's a cover of Go-Go's song.

So, go figure.

But it's been on repeat in my brain in the last couple weeks.

And I'm sad to be mourning people already, but we'll mourn more soon.

So, I hope everyone takes the necessary precautions to keep everybody safe.

So, goodnight.

I said good day.

Good day.

I've read it in the paper, I've seen it on my TV

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

You can buy tomatoes for five hundred years

Buy a ship and say I'm safe, then disappear

Profits haven't made you a couple of little bits

You've barely had a little bit, but God gives you ten

I've read it in the paper, I've seen it on my TV

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

I've read it in the paper, I've seen it on my TV

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

Is it just me?

And the whole world wants it dead

The world is here