Come On, Dave! Episode 12: The Maltese Falcon

come on dave we're talking movies

come on dave you've never seen it come on dave this is the last one come on dave

dave i like how the last one is the one where you break where you're like

it's the one that i've done it so well yeah until now this is the one where you're like

i couldn't remember what i'd say but i never say the same thing anymore exactly doesn't matter

that's the beauty of it that's the beauty of it dave who is your favorite actor of all time oh gosh

i mean it's tough because don't say tom cruise no i would say tom

hanks oh yeah that's a great choice he is beloved yes but he's got his eras yeah yeah he's got the

comedy eras of the 80s yes started getting serious in the 90s like i don't love everything he does

now no but i used to love everything he did yeah yeah and i'll if he's in a movie i'm gonna watch

it so i'll say probably tom tom hanks yeah it's a good call it's a good call he's america's

sweetheart he is like i if if you don't like tom hanks you're probably an asshole right because he

just seems like in general he's what's going on that you don't like tom yeah right yeah like he

just in general like personally he seems like a good-natured guy he does fun things with fans

you know he sees him on the street and he's like hey i'm tom hanks want me to officiate your wedding

you know like he just does crazy shit and i love that about him um but

you

yeah i mean i think he gets political sometimes and i could see some people getting mad about that

wankers i'm not mad about it no get political tom you got some bull yeah because you're not a

wanker yeah um the reason i ask is obvious i'm i'm i'm leading you yes uh humphrey bogart for me

yeah favorite of all time which i want to get into that okay okay um i i have made a goal for

myself to see every movie he's in i'm pretty close i think i'm probably about

90s

90 percent some of them how many are we talking over under how many movies yeah like how many

like just to guess how many movies has he been in um i have the spreadsheet somewhere because i made

an excel sheet of course oh i've done that several times with actors um tom hanks being one of them

nice uh but um i'd say 50 or more okay and keep in mind he died early like he died in his

mid 50s late 50s something like that that's that's what happens when you smoke all those

heaters you know um but uh to some people there's other people that live until they're like 100

smoking out of their trachea too i've seen it i've seen a guy walk around carrying his

uh oxygen tank with a cigarette in his mouth oh my gosh yeah yeah um there's other ways to

get that nicotine now bro yep uh let's see hold on i got the list right here um um i don't know

if i've kept up with the list um because i kind of forget sometimes uh he has been in 77 movies

dang or wait uh it might be 76 but uh and of those according to this list at least um which

might not be completely up to date uh i've seen 45 so we didn't talk about this yet but today we

were talking about the 1941 gem of a movie the maltese falcon

yeah starring hey welcome to the show yeah uh but do you feel like he has a range

no no no like humphrey bogart's humphrey bogart yes for the most part there are

exceptions in a lonely place uh is like humphrey bogart oscar worthy oh like just did he win any

oscars i don't think so i don't think so okay that's surprising to me because i'm not the one

uh in fact i'm looking at these uh this list right now there are a few that i have marked

as not seen and i've seen since i've updated this but anyway i know right i know um humphrey

bogart spreadsheet i know um but uh what was i saying um yeah humphrey bogart is is humphrey

bogart yeah in most movies i feel that way about sam rockwell i love sam yeah yeah he's always

going to be saying when he's playing a pirate when he's playing a novel he's going to be playing a

nazi when he's playing a guy stranded on the moon he's sam rockwell uh-huh sam rockwell i love him

though wolf in an animated movie yeah but i love yeah he's great at it yeah he's great at being

himself yeah yeah um so uh so yeah while humphrey bogart i just like what he does you know i like

him i like his vibe uh i like his uh i like his lisp because he definitely saw humphrey bogart's

lisp and i like that yeah i like that he's like a tough guy who stands all of like five foot three

i've thought about that with maltese falcon there's a couple points where he's like am i

gonna have to deck you and you're like okay little guy go for it i'm feeling lucky

and every but like all the gangsters are like oh not humphrey i don't want you to deck me

not bogey don't hit me bogey i'm gonna have to give you this sandwich

so even uh even young humphrey bogart and i think the first movie i saw him in was up the river

1930 so he's relative already 11 years into his career by maltese

yeah so even young humphrey humphrey bogart when he's playing like uh uh uh the the tough guy in

the background he's not even like the lead he still looks like he's 50 years old and grizzled

he's got the leather face and everything what uh

year did casablanca come out casablanca let's look uh it's on my list right here buddy um

um which i would say casablanca probably his most famous movie yeah that's what i was thinking too

i mean treasure of sierra madre is really popular uh 1942 oh so right after this yeah um

altice falcon was 41 so many great ones high sierra they drive by night oh my god i love uh

on imdb it just says passed for the rating like like it passed the moral the code oh yeah i got

you the one like the comics code yeah because they did you watch any of those movies that were

like pre-code yeah criteria oh yeah yeah yeah those are great and there's and it's they were

a little racy yeah there's some shit now now you're like oh so movies are just like they

wanted to do that back then and the government was like no yeah i'm not doing that yeah

yeah like uh i watched i watched a may west movie oh yeah like six months ago and i was like dang

may west you're a body you're a body bitch

yeah body and naughty it's not like nudity and stuff like no no it's not like now now there's

nudity in movies all the time but better be i ain't watching it i feel like it's making a

comeback honestly yeah uh so

uh it always takes us a solid half the episode to get to talking about the movie we're talking

we're talking around the movie yeah context come on so it's a sam spade movie man um and uh sam

spade made famous by like the name of names when it comes to uh pulp novels and that's dashiell

hammett um uh just like a writer i don't know that he's a writer of like all sorts of like

great pulpy

yeah yeah uh like noir kind of stuff right um so sam spade has been portrayed by like everybody um

and and um so dashiell hammett i believe created sam spade the detective oh okay and uh so like

sam spade has like a series of stories right really yeah so they made other movies with sam

yeah yeah um uh uh the the long the long goodbye

i can't remember oh i've heard of that um that was i i'm i'm gonna get my facts the long kiss

goodnight with gina davis not that one not that one um but uh i could look right here look at the

uh sam spade uh oh well never mind i've not continued anyway uh so i will just go right now

yeah let's get this out in the open yeah i enjoyed it yes like it was so what what's

good about it is that it's not like it's not like it's not like it's not like it's not like it's not

great what's what's interesting about this movie is um that it doesn't make a lot of sense

no yeah the plot no i'm like okay they're after this like expensive bird that doesn't have it like

bird statue that has no power yeah but it's just like it felt like an indiana jones relic with

nothing uh-huh you know like all the indiana jones movies they have like some it's some like

spiritual mystical

power that goes along with it yeah and this is like it's a statue yeah yeah like like the the

the maltese falcon itself is like the ultimate red herring it's just there yes as like this is not

even the main part of the movie yeah it's just there's like this mcguffin that they're like

okay we're looking for this thing yeah and she's gonna be sexy he's gonna be like big and rich and

he's gonna be creepy and then sam spade's gonna throw in another woman that you've had an affair

with that will pop up randomly yeah

yeah um so let's take a look at sam spade so humphrey bogart was the best known um and he was

in the third uh of the movies right uh he was played by ricardo cortez in 1931

that's right uh he uh he was played by warren william uh george siegel uh in the black bird

peter falk and colombo really yeah uh

sorry sorry that's a hot i'm sorry hold on correction he that was in murder by death and

he played sam diamond which was get it diamond yeah anyway um and then uh let's see clive owen

uh in the television series what monsoor spade really yeah and then the one that i'm looking for

i don't i don't see and i forget his name

uh in 1970 or sorry anyway nobody wants to see me or listen to me read wikipedia so we'll move on

yeah start from the top of wikipedia go to wikipedia homepage and go

um so anyway sam spade long-running character dashiell hammett uh like huge in that world

i've got a next time you're at my cabin i've got a a book that has all dashiell hammett's

short stories it's like a compendium as it were yeah

go lay out on the dock and yeah you know just just yeah just just read a few stories in

about 20 minutes they're quick uh here's a great line from the movie when you're slapped you'll

take it and like it that's what he slaps the woman right i think it might be yeah i think i'm pretty

sure well i don't know he might slap uh the guy with the bug eyes yeah yeah what's his name yeah

igor yeah yeah it's not earnest uh no i want to say it's

it's a very similar name yes uh it is uh it is uh jesus christ

oh god damn it but he's such a wormy dude yeah he's been in everything peter lori yes peter lori

he's been in everything um so and he was in casablanca as well yeah so they must have been

buddies that little fish fish eye motherfucker um but uh yeah so the movie the the plot is

kind of like a movie it's kind of like a movie it's kind of like a movie it's kind of like a movie

kind of nonsensical and you lose it about halfway through and i think if i read it correctly this

again i'm fucking probably making shit up and i'll do my research more in the future but i think

editing i think editing kind of had something to do with this like they were on a schedule they

edited it they made retake recuts and shit i mean that was part of the the notes that i took

have you ever noticed the music in this movie yeah yeah it's weird it's like it's like

cartoon comedy in some parts yeah like

not that not quite like that yeah there was one part uh so the main bad guy in the movie is the

fat man yeah yeah he comes into the hotel room and it's like weird music that does not fit yep

and i was thinking about it movies back then i don't think had the score like movies do now

okay like there's

there was a lot there's a lot of silence and talking and then music yeah where now there

might be a lot of music throughout like you know the score might be the whole movie and they just

have like sound parts or whatever yeah i feel like that's adapted over time yeah

but i did like the shots of the fat man he was a big dude he was a big and he also shoot him

from the floor to make him look even fatter more imposing like they would pick the worst

shots of the fat man and then they would like shoot him from the floor to make him look even

fatter more imposing like they would pick the worst shots and be like all right let's let's get

this on the fat man that poor bastard he's famous too yeah yeah uh that's sydney green street i feel

like i saw him in a movie was he in christmas in connecticut uh i'll find out but he has also been

he was in casablanca he was in across the pacific um but yeah he like i feel like a lot of these guys

were kind of reused for similar movies you know so he's been in a handful of like uh other bogart

movies right maybe as like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't

not as imposing but um yeah man he actually wasn't he was in 24 movies which sounds like a

lot but for that many for the era no now they were cranking they would like sign up with the studio

and just crank out movies to your point he was only in movies for eight years so that's 24 and

eight years he was in four movies a year i'm sorry that's just bad math but uh but they would

literally just move around from sound studio sound yeah just crank him out like get over there and go

all right all right you're done cut yep now go over to that stage yeah

but it's a great movie despite it being uh kind of nonsensical because it has all those great

elements like he's a private detective it built all those elements really like he's a private

detective he's got the he's got the frosted uh glass door with his name etched on it and then

it's like she walked into my room say you know like the whole thing it's another note that i

have it's like it's such gangster talk yeah he's not a gangster

he's just a detective he's like scrape that name off the glass yeah after his partner dies like

i want that name off the glass

exactly um yeah miles archer spade and archer um but uh i'm just making this connection now

yeah well you were gonna say no i was i was just gonna just kind of uh you know continue with the

like it's got all the elements of the classic noir like it

it's the foundation basically yes i'm i'm just making this connection now but chinatown like

nailed that yep yeah yeah and it's chinatown yeah it's totally noir like jack nicholson

great great movie fucking amazing movie yeah it's a great movie but seeing this movie like oh yeah

like yeah they did it 40 years prior yeah yeah yeah yeah and i'm trying to think like this wasn't

a movie where a beautiful girl walks into the room yeah yeah you know but that's such a trope now

yeah yeah yeah she she walked into the room like a like a hot pigeon on a like fucking all right

um like a hot coal on my tender

but this is like classic bogart if you're looking to um yeah i would say like

i don't know man like if you're looking to get into humphrey bogart this might be the one to

start with yeah i would think so too i mean casablanca is obviously his most known one yeah

but i don't think he plays such like a a gray character in casablanca does does he i don't

remember i mean i watched that a few years ago but yeah i mean he's a good guy in casablanca

yeah in this movie he's kind of like is this dude shady yeah he's a bit of an asshole and he is a

little bit right yeah yeah he's lying all the time and i i think fighting for the gun i think

this movie might be one of the reasons i love who framed roger rabbit so much oh i gotta re-watch

that it's so great i think that is a great movie i think roger rabbit might be up there and it's

got to be up there in my top movies not a family movie to watch i don't think no i don't know i

think it is really yeah you can watch this with the kids i mean i mean there's

bucks them you know yeah and she plays patty cake that's patty cake like literal patty cake

and uh and the only i guess there's the dip at the end or the dip the dip at the end but

i don't know it's oh my god i mean it's a great movie that's that's uh a quote-unquote family

movie that i could watch every day every day since i've watched that every day i could watch

that movie it's on disney plus isn't it it's got

to be yeah yeah anyway movie isn't on disney plus that i would love to see again dick tracy

oh yeah it's nowhere that's not a disney that is that a disney well it was touchdown i think

at the time which is owned by disney yeah yeah i don't know that i've ever watched it all the way

through really yeah yeah that was a movie i watched as a kid right madonna warm baby yeah

al pacino al pacino yeah yeah i have seen clips of it for sure and that movie was huge when it

came out yeah

like it was they had playing cards dick tracy playing i had a ton i also have the novel

trading cards of the movie script book on my shelf that's weird that is i've got a small

collection batteries not included is another one that that's amazing that is a that is a movie that

i've not thought of in 20 years it's a great movie i need to watch it again i know like i

haven't seen it since i was a little kid yeah

is it did that take place in an apartment no that was i'm thinking inner space no it was in an

apartment oh i i get inner space and batteries not included mixed up no inner space is like

do you remember the ride body wars no but they go into like somebody's body right martin short's

body like dennis quaid is a pilot yeah yeah where i should do a double feature yes

batteries not included is this apartment is going to get torn the apartment building in

new york is going to get torn down by some huge conglomerate yeah and there's a diner in there

in the bottom yeah and the people don't want to leave and these aliens come to kind of like help

them but they're also helping the aliens i love the story jessica tandy's in it uh yeah right

driving miss daisy yes yeah she's just as old i think she was old out of the womb

oh man yeah i got it on blu-ray oh all right we gotta have a double feature we got we've got so

many movies to watch on my shelf i i this is a great segue we've got so many movies to watch

so this is the last episode of come on dave uh we've done it we've gone through the whole list

it only took two and a half years but we went through the whole list yes but we're starting a

new podcast for anybody who cares listen the two dudes in their basements we're starting a new

podcast oh what an original idea two dudes in a basement just having drinks and talking about

shit it we're revolutionizing the fucking world but this is for us

so dave and i are going to pick movies uh and we're going to watch them and but we're going to

go a little deeper these yeah come on dave didn't we didn't we're just kind of like talking about

reflections yeah come on dave this is the longest episode of come on dave dave we're at 21 minutes

oh my gosh yeah so uh uh but uh we're gonna go deeper we're not gonna get snobby about it

in fact as a way to keep us from getting snobby about it we're gonna call it film dabblers film

so these aren't courses in film or anything but it is going to be a couple dummies probably talking

about like actual real films except for you know every now and then we have a couple things planned

it's like it's like one week we're gonna talk about you know uh i don't know some

godard film and then the next week we're gonna talk about porkies you know i've never seen that

uh i don't know that i've seen porkies either and maybe we'll get my

buddy cory on here and we can finish our earnest movies there you go there you go so um uh yeah

i'm excited yeah and and uh so uh dave and i both invested in criterion uh uh subscriptions so

we'll get a little snobby but it it'll be dabbler it'll be fun it'll be fun so look look forward to

that uh in the future uh also you know as we intersperse

on this feed the occasional episode is super the hardest yeah it's still around yeah it's not dead

yet all right that's it for come on dave dave you're caught up you're officially like yeah

nobody can be like you haven't seen that dave you've seen everything now i'm a true child of

the 80s yeah exactly that's pretty much what it was all right you want to take us out for the last

time oh man come on dave it's over come on dave

you actually did it come on dave catch the next episode called film dabblers