Sew Your Penis Head To Your Pubic Puff

Tim Henson

Distorted View Daily

Hey freaks, it's Thursday, September 5th, 2024.

Coming up on the program today, does concrete grow on trees?

Plus, sewing your dickhead to your pubic puff and other wacky things eunuchs do.

PTSD related to scorpion scrotal stings.

And you'll never guess who a church pastor wants to shoot in the back of the head.

Everybody, yeah.

Rogue your body, yeah.

Everybody, yeah.

Rogue your body, right.

Backstreet's back, alright.

Hey, hey, yeah.

Well, oh my God, we're back again.

Brothers and sisters, everybody sing.

Gonna bring the flavor, show them.

How?

Got a question for you, but it ends now.

Yeah.

And I'm original.

Yeah.

And I'm the only one.

Yeah.

And I'm sexual.

Yeah.

And I'm everything you need, you better.

Rogue your body now.

Everybody, yeah.

Rogue your body.

Everybody, yeah.

Rogue your body, right.

Backstreet's back, alright.

It's Distorted View Daily with Tim Henson.

Crystal meth loosens up your butthole.

A lot of hot liquid food just went out all at once.

Hot dog and jumbo will not be seen this morning so that we may bring you the following.

Yeah!

Yes, Jim Henson back here with you for your Thursday episode of DV.

Have a great one for you.

Hey, real quick, at the top of the show, I want to say thanks to, I don't know if this

is one person, a bunch of people.

I think DV listener Slapplebags is at least partially behind this.

He called into the voicemail line yesterday.

Let me just play you that call.

Oh, hey, queer.

Sideshow freak Slapplebags here.

I just wanted to call and let you know that me and the boys at MIT have added some additional

features to the Blackfeelator.com.

Everyone knows the Blackulator Caucasiatron.

It is the shining star of the segment known as Black and White.

That's a game we play here on DV occasionally where I find a clip of a ridiculous black

person acting like a fool.

And then I find a similar clip of a ridiculous white person acting like a fool.

And using sophisticated technology on loan from MIT called the Blackulator Caucasiatron,

we determine.

We determine which race is more recalculus.

Tim, what are you doing?

Not much, boo.

What you doing?

That's the Blackulator Caucasiatron.

And this is what it sounds like when it's calculating.

I'm.

Bon.

Beyonce.

Bing.

Bob.

Calculating.

Haunted.

Quotient.

Sorting.

Negro Matrix.

Pasty Egg.

Male.

Okay.

Albino.

Asshole.

Billy Shaders.

Applying.

Dark.

Chow.

Charism.

There must have been an over-the-air update recently.

I don't remember the Blackulator Caucasiatron ever preloading the albino-ass hillbilly shaders.

Doing so, I bet, improves the frame rate.

All right.

I'm sorry, slapplebags.

Go on.

First, we added a 56K modem.

Oh.

So it's now available on the World Wide Web at blackulator-caucasiatron.com.

And second, we added transcriptions of every episode of DV to its database.

So you can now search for your favorite show.

Favorite DV moments.

And it'll give you the episode and timestamp.

Now, you never know when a listener is dicking around with me.

Because sometimes I get dicked.

I get dicked real good.

You guys like to dick me.

So I had to see if I was getting dicked.

So I went to blackulator-caucasiatron.com.

And lo and behold, it works.

It's an actual functioning website where you can literally search for anything I've ever said.

And find out what episode I said it on.

And the exact.

The exact time I said it.

This is bonkers to me.

You know, occasionally I try to include AI-generated transcriptions in the show notes.

Thinking it might help with Google's results and search engine optimization and all that bullshit.

It's very time-consuming.

Even having AI transcribe an episode for you, it takes time.

It takes a lot of time.

I have no idea how these freaks went through 5,000.

episodes of the show.

Got them all transcribed and searchable with timestamps.

I don't know if this was just slapple bags or if there was a team of people behind this.

But they deserve our gratitude and round of applause.

Now, there are some missing episodes because, well, it's my fault.

Throughout the years, there are various broken links.

Last year, we switched hosting companies.

And I had to update URLs.

For a bunch of stuff.

And, you know, a bunch of links to shows don't work.

But slapple bags was nice enough to email me with all of the episode titles or episode file names that are missing.

So I can go through and try to fix them.

And I'm going to send them off to slapple bags so he can get the final batch of these things transcribed.

Right now, according to blackulator-caucasiatron.com, I will provide a link on the show notes today.

Because it took me one or two tries to actually spell.

Blackulator-caucasiatron.com, right?

Caucasiatron is a tricky one.

Anyway, at the bottom of the website, it has the total number of episodes transcribed.

And right now, it's sitting at 4,812.

Just doing another sample search here.

I searched for the word Tonetta.

How many times have I talked about Tonetta on DV?

We've done what?

Over 5,000 episodes.

Total results?

191 times.

Compare that to the N-word where we got 778 hits.

Now, to be fair, that's not just me saying the N-word, you know, back when that was acceptable.

But it's audio clips and, you know, of course, voicemailers calling in.

It's so funny.

I searched for the N-word.

And, like, one of the first results is what it says right here.

Distortive view daily.

April 30th, 2015.

The timestamp is 36 minutes and 18 seconds, which already tells you that that's the voicemail segment.

And it's just the N-word.

One, two, three, four, five, six, like 30 times.

And there used to be that caller.

Remember that guy who would call into the voicemail line occasionally?

And that's all he would say.

He wouldn't even say, hey, Tim, love the show.

It's just N-word, N-word, N-word, N-word, N-word before I could hang up on him.

I can't thank.

I can't thank Slapplebags enough for doing this.

And I'll tell you why.

You know, the show notes for many years has not been super complete.

This is going to make it so easy for me to find old-ass episodes of DV,

especially when I want to play, like, a best-of program

or I want to remind you guys of something I said back in the day.

Like, I could be like, hey, remember when we called that party line for gay dudes,

the manhole line?

And I could just search for manhole in the Blackulator, Caucasiatron,

and find all the times we ever called in.

Oh, it's going to be so great.

Well, thank you again so much, Slapplebags.

Try it out for yourself.

Blackulator-Caucasiatron.com.

And just to let you guys know, the site doesn't contain any audio, right?

It's just you search for a term.

It'll tell you where that term appeared on an episode.

You have to, you know, if it's a Sideshow exclusive episode, you have to sign up.

Become a Sideshow member if you actually want to hear that amazing audio.

Whatever amazing audio that may be.

Again, Blackulator-Caucasiatron.com.

All right, listen, I've got a bunch of great audio to share with you today.

First up, I don't know how I missed this from a while ago,

but there is a British journalist who hosts a TV show.

Maybe if you live over in the UK, you're familiar with Mike Graham.

I know nothing about him, but he sounds like a complete moron.

On his show, he apparently takes calls.

And.

A climate change activist called in to talk about, you know, the climate.

And Mike, it seems like he was desperate to pin this guy down, right?

Make him look like an idiot.

Now, I don't know what Mike's politics are.

I don't know if he believes in climate.

It sounds like he doesn't really believe in climate change.

Here is the exchange.

Morning, Mike.

Oh, hello.

Who are you glued to, Cameron?

Uh.

Just to your screen, unfortunately.

Unfortunately?

What do you do for a living, Cameron?

Well, you know, the caller came in hot, right?

He's pretty combative at the start.

Apparently, he wasn't a fan of Mike.

But yes, go on.

Just to your screen, unfortunately.

Unfortunately.

Unfortunately?

What do you do for a living, Cameron?

I'm a carpenter.

A carpenter, right.

So how safe is that for the climate?

You call yourself a fan of the environment?

Your whole profession is based on.

You're destroying trees.

Well, I work with timber, which is a much more sustainable material rather than concrete.

I also work with trees that have been cut down, then, don't you?

It's a sustainable building practice.

How is it sustainable if you're killing trees?

Because it's regenerative.

You can grow trees, right?

Well, you can you can grow all sorts of things, can't you?

I'm not sure what his point is.

Like, why do you have to be a carpenter using wood?

Why can't you use fish?

Or mushrooms?

How about you build some mushroom-based furniture?

Why you got to go after the trees?

You call yourself a climate change activist.

All right.

This is an incredibly stupid exchange that just gets stupider.

You can you can grow all sorts of things, can't you?

Well, you can't grow concrete.

You can.

Mike just wants to fight, man.

Anything this guy says, he's going to disagree with.

This video went viral because of Mike's believing you can do anything you want.

This video went viral because of Mike's believing you can grow concrete.

See you, Cameron.

Cheerio.

That was Cameron.

He grows trees and then cuts them down and then makes things from them.

Brilliant.

Marvelous.

I don't think I ever want to talk to any of those people.

As Mike sits behind a wooden desk.

Ah, fuck those carpenters.

You know, if Mother Nature wanted us to use wood, she wouldn't have given us trees.

She would have just made pressure treated lumber come

sprouting up out of the ground this isn't what trees are for grow concrete for christ's sakes

you want to build with something well mike even though he wouldn't admit it it seems like

this conversation has been eating at him probably because the video went viral and it really did

make him look like uh an idiot now two years later mike's back and he's gonna have the last laugh

yeah this video is uh from earlier this year those of you who have been following the

independent republic for a while will know that i am famous for many things my predictions are

rarely wrong whether it's politics sport or just public relations my common sense manifesto has

been universally adopted by everyone who knows what they're doing in life and of course i can't

tell if this guy knows he's a joke like if he's if he's just playing along right if he's trying

to be kind of funny or if he's just a giant douche i mean according to wiki

pedia he's just a douche right like there's no indication he's funny who knows what they're

doing in life and of course i'm known for saying you can grow concrete he then plays the clip and

comes back to begin his victory lap right because uh he thinks he's been vindicated the first thing

he says is look i know it's funny i said it i meant to be funny but then he goes on to say i'm also

it's a ridiculous thing to say that couldn't possibly be true right if you're just stating a

fact that is true why would that be funny if everyone knew you could grow concrete and you

said yeah you can grow concrete that's not a joke in every case it was the funniest thing on their

shows because it was and is actually funny of course the humorless leftist didn't see it that

way they're still convinced that the wally from insulate britain showed me up to be a complete

and utter moron but that's because they have no sense of the ridiculous not the shred of humor

in their beings

but it wasn't just funny it was also true and with every year that passes it becomes even more true

as a result of the concrete episode my family actually bought me some stock in a concrete

company and that stock price is certainly growing thank you very much that's one thing

further proof this guy is not a laughing stock even though he says funny things and he might

just possibly be the greatest comedian in his own mind so he says something funny he says something

true also he's a financial genius whose stock

portfolio is going through the roof several bioscience companies have been working on

growing concrete for a variety of natural resources yeah well lots of people are working

on lots of ideas i'm working on a dildo that also does your taxes that doesn't mean it's currently a

thing it doesn't mean that it's ever going to be a thing and two years ago it certainly wasn't a

thing that you could you couldn't just go out yourself and grow some concrete this week we

have more proof that i was right no lesser newspaper than the times and their very estimable

science editor tom whipple have reported that an australian company called mci carbon is working

on a system of creating building materials in hours rather than decades by capturing carbon

and then mixing it with minerals in a giant bubbling vat the company says they will recreate

what geology does over centuries and speed it up to a process that only takes a few minutes

this guy he just cannot be wrong he's looking you know what i mean like yeah

there are

different that's not even concrete at that point right it's a different building material as a

result they'll be able to decarbonize heavy industry while actually manufacturing carbon

negative building materials it's always nice to be proved right again but of course i knew i was

right all along so please stop thinking i'm stupid you can still think i'm funny as long as you think

i'm smart and funny and what i said is true but still hilarious and also i'm smart and rich why

can't you people just respect me

you know who else wants to be respected a locked pussy boy bottom i'm talking about austin jacobs oh

by the way we're done with the british journalist i'm not very good with the segues today it's not

exactly graceful but what more can you say about that stupid guy who thinks you can grow concrete

i'd rather discuss pussy boys pussy boys all day non-stop pussy boys when austin says he's a locked

pussy boy that means he's into chastity right so he's literally got a cage over his head and he's

over his penis he cannot pleasure himself that's okay though because you know he's a bottom boy

uh he says i'm locked in chastity and my body is for the pleasure of men i love piss i love cum i

love men fucking me here's a little bit of austin in his natural element what are you what are you

yeah oh fuck and here's a clip of him drinking pee yeah welcome back thank you sir so are you

ready to go i'm ready to go i'm ready to go i'm ready to go i'm ready to go i'm ready to go i'm ready to go

yes sir

i realize this isn't a high budget studio porn film but i can't help but notice austin jacobs

is on his knees and drinking piss on a carpeted floor now i myself have never drank piss however

i've seen enough clips to know it's uh inequality

taste and even if you like the stuff sometimes it's just too strong to take and for one reason

or another it comes dribbling out i feel like the last thing you need is a piss soaked carpet

can't you do this in the kitchen where there's tile or linoleum or something by the way this

is another installment of uh tim focuses on the wrong thing in a porn clip it happens often and

honestly this little compilation is not the reason why i'm feeling like i'm not doing this

austin jacobs today i don't really care if he is in a chastity belt if he's getting fucked

drinking piss whatever before i get into the real reason why austin jacobs is on my radar i do have

to admit um his tweets are great he writes stuff like i love the transactional nature of the sex

during a cum dump there's no long drawn-out conversations no chit chat just you know

blowing a load in a dude's ass another tweet is it's amazing how much dick influences my

day to day life i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't

know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know

day to day life wwdd man what would dick do that's what i always think before i make an

important decision in life and another i'm just a fucking hole i love what i am i love how happy

this dude is with himself very comfortable in his own skin now recently efuck posted a video

featuring austin jacobs as the host of a dickless roundtable i had to find the source material i

wanted the full thing now what am i talking about what is a dickless roundtable i had to find the

roundtable well it is a roundtable discussion featuring men without penises for one reason or

another they decided to chop them motherfuckers off no more dangly bits now you may ask yourself

why why tim why would anyone do this to their precious dick and nuts a couple reasons come

to mind one you have a medical condition like cancer gangrene or something i don't know flesh

eating bacteria nibbling away at your shaft of course you could be trans and you might

be fashioning that dick taking that dick off and uh turning it into a brand new pussy but

apparently there are other reasons as well by the way there are two parts to the dickless men

roundtable each is over an hour long so apparently these guys have a lot to say about their non-existent

cocks hello and welcome to our dickless men roundtable uh this is an idea concocted uh to

explore uh the i guess the journey of people who have nullified themselves

and become nullos and we also have a uh a man who has uh changed his genitalia into a pussy

and is remaining uh to be a man uh there's a lot of i think unfancy certainty that's exotic

i know it's not like super safe and uh acceptable in society to be trans but we're getting there

so you'd think if someone wanted to turn their dick into a pussy that's the route you would go

that's something people can at least sort of understand like oh i feel like a woman

i'm turning my penis into a pussy and i'm living life as a lady that's not what this guy did though

he's like no no i'm a hundred percent man i just hate my dick i i would rather have a cunt to play

with what do you even call that then because he's not trans is that non-binary i'm still confused

about terms i don't think it's even non-binary because he's like he was born a guy he feels like

a guy he just hates the idea of those balls bouncing around banging on things or his

penis getting all sweaty sticking to the side of his leg pussies are tidier tuck all that shit up

inside in a hole you know all right let's meet some of these dickless wonders uh we'll do

introductions first uh how about we start with verse first ass punch on twitter cool hi there

my name is verse ass punk i'm 36 years old and so i live in san francisco in the united states

of course you do um and i am a nullo so i have no dick no balls

and it's been about eight years since i was nullified back in 2016

uh loving every bit of it what exactly is there to love about it there's nothing there

hi um nullo ff um or scotty um i am three years post-surgery nullo i live in los angeles california

and uh yeah loving every minute of it he literally said the exact same thing are you following a

almost like a hostage video i had my dick and balls cut off it was my own choice i'm loving

every minute of it i live in california this guy at least is believable based solely on his username

nullo underscore ff dude likes to be fist fucked he has no problem getting rid of his penis he

doesn't need it i guarantee you he doesn't feel the same way about his asshole that's where he

gets all his pleasure yeah it's a pup kibbles uh 29 years old i live in

new england area i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm looking at the screenshot look at the featured image

over there at distortive.com and superfreaks.com this person is on webcam and he's got um a bunch

of those like metal racks behind him and it's full of what appear to be very very large butt plugs

there's some other stuff there too that i'm i'm guessing are sex toys

connecticut um i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was i was

nullified back in march of 2022 so i can speak help um through the kind of uh covid era of of

surgery oh we don't think about how hard covid hit the nullos back in 2020 2021 why is no one

talking about this there are people who wanted to have their cocks sliced off because they hate the

way it looks and there was a pandemic going on and they had to wait several months and

also one of the i was 27 when i had the procedure done uh so one of the younger nullos uh and so

what doctor is okaying this shit it's like what if i was a doctor the the first thing i would say

is why what is the reason you want your penis cut off i feel like i'm a woman okay let's let's go

with that i can work with you on that one there's an infection and my dick has turned black all

right yeah we got to get that thing off but if your answer is i don't know i don't know i don't

know i just don't want it it's so cumbersome it's not really a medical reason right you have

to go overseas for this procedure i'm guessing i don't know well those are just some introductions

let's get to some questions and answers why why would you guys uh as you know men remove your

genitalia this is like the only question i want answered i'm glad he started off with this you

know most men are um love their their their push button pleasure stick uh and

they couldn't imagine parting ways with it so i'm gonna see you just give me some insight on what

made you kind of commit to this uh body modification and just uh give us a rundown

uh let's start with scotty uh it's all because of a game of truth or dare that went too far

i hate to lose so i was eight nine years old drag queen story hour is that what made you do this

i knew it when i looked in the mirror and was playing dress up with

my mother's lingerie and i tucked my penis between my legs and i was like wow this is

this is what i'm supposed to look like again ultimately this guy is not trans but he liked

the way it looked all smooth and tidy i told you pussies were tidy some pussies are tidy you know

the the penis that i have totally didn't fit and all at the same instance i knew that i wasn't

supposed to be like my sister or a girl and i was like oh my god i'm not supposed to be like my

girl so it was like that nothingness was real real to me i'm like how can i how can i live like

this the rest of my life imagine if he would have discovered masturbation before he discovered his

mom's wardrobe like if he would have figured out how good it feels to play with your dick

maybe he wouldn't have become a nullo and so that started really early i never went away

and then covid uh how the hell is covid having this much of an impact on people who don't want

penises it's it was literally just a pandemic that gave you the flu you know it killed a bunch

of people but that you know ultimately when you boil it down that's what it is

covid 19 really had a an effect on these people happened of course and made you think differently

about the world and about yourself and what or it did me and so i what

the world needs now is dick less dick the one time gay people are in the clear when it comes

to a pandemic or epidemic or whatever they somehow need to make it about them you know the age crisis

was largely a gay problem so many gay guys died in the 80s now monkey pox that spread like wildfire

in the gay community the coronavirus has nothing to do with being gay but he's like look it is

hitting me so hard

right in the groin i couldn't stop thinking about it i hated my penis it was it was a nice looking

penis quit bragging but i just it i never wanted it touched i'd feel way better if he was like i

hated my dick it was super ugly it looked chewed up mangled it's a big reason i wanted it removed

it's an eyesore this guy makes it hard for me to sympathize with him oh i had a beautiful cock

big nice fat head

girthy where's the sad violin music you know the moment someone went for it it was like

a killer so the the thoughts of having it removed was constantly on my mind yeah he was sick of guys

you know going for the dick like no no no i'd really prefer it if you didn't like but we're

having sex what am i supposed to do that's standard sex stuff me touching your dick

maybe i should have included this in my online profile but

uh i don't like my dick touched what am i supposed to do blow on it look at it intently like i mean

i hope to god this guy likes his ass fucked otherwise um there's like no reason for me to

be here here's another clip of a nullo speaking i never identified with my junk and like liked it

even as a kid i would tuck it and i was like this is so weird it like why is this poking out here

why is this dangling here this feels really weird

and then i ended up over the course of my life becoming this massive bottom

okay i think i'm sensing a pattern here i'm starting to understand the dick plays such a

small part in their life it's more of a nuisance than anything these guys get off to prostate

stimulation you know butt butt stuff basically and you know when you're a guy people see you

you know naked and they're like oh okay well he's going to fuck me with his penis or i have to suck

his penis i have to get him to fuck me with his penis and i have to get him to fuck me with his

penis and the thing is if i suck him off somehow penisly penisly speaking and getting nullified is a

way of saying no no no no there's nothing there i don't want anything to do with front no front

stuff please unnecessary just focus on the back door the cock garage back there i love to get

fisted i mostly got off through playing with my ass and i just didn't like my dick i didn't want

to be a girl i didn't feel that aspect like i liked being a boy i just didn't like the parts now

even though this is a quote unquote roundtailLAimpin' ljahrv materials from martin k wedin

discussion it still gets a little crazy because uh the guys show off their fronts i don't even

want to call it a pussy it's not a pussy they they show off what's not there so i'm doing this

doing this shirtless anyways but um as you can see so no penis no testicles no nothing um you

can probably see my piss hole over there everything that i have is removed so no testicles no shaft

no head none of that yeah there's just like a little hole for the pee to come out it doesn't

look like a vagina or anything it's just like a it's just like a hole now two of the guys have

very similar anatomies where it's just like the hole it's otherwise smooth this next guy it's so

bizarre you need to go to efuck.com and you can see all of this efuck picked uh you know got some

great moments from the talk here this next guy i has like just

i don't even know how to describe it it's almost like his dick was cut off and then the head of the

penis was surgically stitched back on so it's just like the mushroom head stuck on to a flat pubic

area does that make sense it's just the mushroom cap maybe he can describe it better so this is

yes mine is totally different so i have i had gland preservation done oh he's a preservationist

gland preservation is what it is

it's called i can honestly tell you i've seen a lot of things in my day i've never seen

this particular configuration of human a little bit different than what a lot of people do is the

the gland of the of my penis is on the outside a lot of people have it typically buried in this

same area and then that's the head right the head of the dicks yes yep um it does get the only

downside is it does get confusing for individuals at and say like a

dark room or a play scene because they think i've had uh vaginalplasty just due to the size and

when i get aroused it kind of engorges a little bit um so they think they're they're pussy actual

pussy lips i'm like nope that's on the back end oh so this person oh my god okay so i'm sorry

so this person had a vaginal vaginalplasty so or maybe not wait what is he saying about the back

in the back they're pussy actual pussy lips i'm like nope

that's on the back end okay guys that's the shit the asshole okay um so i'm a little bit

different in that way yeah i mean that is special i wonder if that is just for like sexual feeling

reasons he can sort of like rub the what's left of the cock the cock head there and you might get

some sort of sensation i don't know i want you know if i went to the doctor i wouldn't even know

what to call that tim what exactly do you want your genitals to look like well nothing i want

nothing there except for a little bump where you sew on my my cock head and why do you want that

tim well i'll tell you why i love mushrooms i mean i guess i guess he called it gland preservation

an it yeah i i i non-binary um this is a different guy evolving i think i'm becoming more fluid um

i want your fluids no no no young tim it's a different type of fluid later on in the discussion

they talk money how

much does a procedure like this cost well it all depends on if you have insurance yes insurance

covers this inexplicably my out-of-pocket which uh was four thousand dollars so the insurance

believe it or not build was billed uh like a quarter of a million dollars that's how much

insurance paid for it meanwhile there are people going into bankruptcy

because of their cancer treatment these guys only have to pay a couple thousand dollars to get

nullified oh well you know it is an easier procedure like my clinic in chicago tried

telling me that it's so oh it's a minimum of six to twelve months to get any surgery and i'm

i'm breaking the land speed null record and getting this done in nine weeks he wanted that

motherfucker cut off fast i have a functional penis and i want it off now sadly i think that's

one thing jg wentworth won't have to do with cancer treatment because of their cancer treatment

there's no such thing as penile annuities right well if you're interested in checking out what

these men don't have to offer i will provide a link on the show notes today to efuck.com where

you can watch this compilation now if you're really into this if nullification fascinates

you i will also provide a link to austin's uh x account where he's posted uh both of those

roundtable discussion full videos each one is about an hour long we just scratched the surface

so god knows if you're interested in checking out what these men don't have to offer i will provide

what these freaks are talking about for hours and hours uh and with that let's get into the crazy

bizarre twist

hey if you enjoy distorted view daily please consider signing up for the sideshow it's db's

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in spotify and of course apple podcasts one final way to help support the show we have a patreon

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little bit helps if you pledge at least five you get access to a special voicemail line where i

will play your calls first and yes we've got some patrons calling in today if you pledge at least

twenty dollars which is a you know higher tier occasionally i send out dv merchandise as a matter

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yes you higher tier freaks are getting dv umbrellas you saw some pictures i posted them on

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patreon.com slash distorted view all right three very quick stories now first up we got one from

las vegas here i feel like las vegas is in trouble

i mean i don't have any insider information but you don't hear a lot of uh people talking about

how excited they are about going to las vegas there's not a lot of not a lot of buzz i feel

like that city is due for a financial collapse maybe it's just because no one has money to gamble

away anymore well uh this next story is not going to help the tourist industry that's for sure

a distressing incident at the prestigious venetian resort in las vegas has given rise to a lawsuit

after a guest suffered a scorpion sting that allegedly impacted his sexual health

so you can imagine where that scorpion stung dick and nuts i was able to pull up that sound

clip quick because we already used it once today alexis i'm gonna need you on standby

you know just in case we have any other dick related stories uh michael farchi a 62 year

old resident of agora hills was in las vegas vacationing over the 2023 christmas holiday

when he awoke to intense

pain caused by a scorpion sting to his testicles farchi recounted feeling sharp stabbing pains in

his hand and groin shortly after the initial sting leading to multiple symptoms including ptsd

come on i mean look you can't scream ptsd every time something undesirable happens to you also i

feel like for it to be a traumatic event you have to be conscious right like if you're an army dude

and you walk on to a landmine and you blow yourself up that's traumatic you're gonna have

flashbacks and you know ptsd is that's a that's a reasonable thing to experience if you're asleep

and you wake up because something happened to you even if it is painful i don't think you should be

able to call ptsd on that one so yeah he's saying he's got ptsd because of this and erectile

dysfunction which i don't know that well that one could be true i mean the scorpion sting

may have messed up your dick or he's just afraid to get a boner uh it could be part of the ptsd

these conditions have purportedly disrupted his marital life yes prompting his wife

basia farchi to file for loss of consortium due to deteriorated sexual relationship the

fuck does that mean sounds like basia wants to divorce her husband because she can't get laid

but she doesn't want to sound like an awful person so she's going to go for a payday here

the couple's attorney brian veery

of my bed bug lawyer that's the lawyer you got for this

my law firm is called my bed bug lawyer uh yeah he spoke with the local news emphasizing the

broader impact on mrs farchi's life and the couple's relationship a legal complaint accuses

the venetian resort of negligence by not maintaining a pest-free environment he highlights

prior issues with scorpions at the property okay virag noted it really doesn't matter how the

scorpions are treated it doesn't matter how the scorpions are treated it doesn't matter how the

scorpion got there the fact it was present is the main point what the hell do you know you're a bed

bug lawyer do you even have any experience in scorpion law i guess this is the best they could

do right because there's there's no my scorpion lawyer well if any of you listeners are about to

take the bar exam you're thinking about uh opening your own practice i think we just stumbled upon a

niche market you can corner scorpion law the incident detailed in a medical report uh became

even more humiliating for farchi when he claimed hotel staff responded inappropriately allegedly

mocking his condition he was later diagnosed with poisoning scorpion sting at the summerlin hospital

and received further treatment for his injuries at ucla medical center the farchis are seeking a

jury trial to resolve claims for medical expenses pain and suffering mental anguish and loss of

enjoyment of life specifically the snorks despite the severity of the claims the venetian has chosen

not to comment on the case the farchis are seeking a jury trial to resolve claims for medical expenses

comment on the individual case citing guest privacy they did confirm the standard incident

protocols were followed stick with distorted view if there are any new hilarious turns in this story

i'll be sure to bring you an update second story we have for you ladies and gentlemen

pack your shit kicking boots because we're going to texas baby we're going to texas

we're going to texas we're going to texas

i sound like a kettle whistle when water's boiling

we're going to texas

here we

yeah that's not a that's a not bad impression if you ask me all right in a recent escalation

of hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful hateful

hateful rhetoric that sounds like a description of every distorted view daily episode

tim henson takes hateful rhetoric to a new level on thursday's distorted view daily ting all right

what's going on here in a recent escalation of hateful rhetoric dylan oz not familiar with that

person a texas preacher known for his extremist views has openly called for the execution of two

gay pastors and a mega church leader who supported them oz who is part of the what

or you can just call them some of the crazy ones the kooks uh criticized charles andrew stanley of

north point ministries for allowing the gay pastors to preach stating that they along with

stanley deserve the death penalty rather than roles in the ministry sounds perfectly reasonable

right uh rather than me babble on about this instead let's just listen to the preacher's

sermon and in this conference he's going to be talking about the death penalty and he's going to

be invited two sodomites that were married to each other to preach sermons for the conference

you guys can't see me but i am clutching my pearls two homosexuals married each other

where's my fainting couch and the quote from these two sodomites we're talking about how

they're so excited to be able to preach i know you guys think that uh calling us sodomites really

bothers us but um

gays think that's cool it just makes us sound like the bad boys you know and it's even better

when you say things like wicked sodomites i think you guys really had something with fag

fag faggot that kind of stings sodomite doesn't faze us i'm thinking about getting a sodomite

tattoo honestly it's so that because it's the message that the children need to hear

so they're literally just admitting their heart like we're here behind the pulpit

so that we could defile children with our message

that's where we are

we've gotten as a nation by being nice to sodomites you know first it was they can get

married then it was they could have all equal rights then it was well we could have drag shows

out in public then it was yeah but that's not like anything new people can dress however they

want to dress out in public it's like free speech or something i don't know well we could take

children into the drag shows too then it was like well we could allow homosexuals to attend church

then it was well we could now let drag queens attend church and then it was like well we could

be in the fair but we were like ew we can't even take the boys to the fair in the dorms

and then we were like we're already in the fag faggot that there was a great foundation

for us and we were like hey where did anybody get off of the road and we should tell the

gang that it's so domineering there's no fat in here and we're in the country right

now there's faggot behind the pulpit there we go there's the f word why because of nice

guys like andy stanley that won't say what needs to be said which is that these faggots

should get a bullet in their brain that they should get the death penalty not be preaching

behind the pulpit what a one guy right nice guy andy stanley is i i honestly believe there's

like three people in the audience what a nice guy you would love to see the camera

I would love to see the camera

swing around. Look at this

congregation.

Right? Yeah.

Preach. What a nice guy

Andy Stanley is. What a nice guy you

are for letting children in your congregation

be abused by pedophiles. How nice

of you, Andy Stanley.

How nice of all the pastors

today that are enabling...

I know this guy is going on and on about how evil

the gays are, but

he looks rather homosexual

and also there's nothing gayer than

gossiping. And that's what this queen ball

is doing. Did you hear what's going

on at that other church? Girl!

You would not believe it!

Mary over here is spilling

the tea!

Well, you know what? Go to hell, Andy Stanley.

And every single pastor like you,

go to hell.

Back to the news story. During

his inflammatory remarks, Oz

resorted to using highly offensive

language and slurs against the pastors,

labeling them sodomites and baselessly

accusing them of pedophilia and

harmful influences on children.

Quote, these men should face severe

consequences like a bullet in their

brain. His tirade

did not stop at verbal assaults, though.

He extended his vitriol

to all pastors, he claims, and

enables such speakers, condemning them

to eternal damnation.

This is not the first instance of

Oz promoting violence against the

Ligbits community. In 2022,

he delivered a sermon suggesting that

queer individuals should be executed.

The Southern Poverty Law Center

has labeled his affiliated organization,

the New Independent Fundamental

Baptist Movement, as

a hate group. Oz previously

belonged to Steadfast Baptist

Church. Pretty sure we featured them

on the podcast as well. Apparently

Steadfast disbanded following

scandals involving its lead

pastor. That also sounds very

gay. Drama. The homosexuals

love drama. Alright,

final story we have for you. This one

comes from Pennsylvania,

and it's from Pennsylvania,

in an unusual sequence of events.

A man from Hatfield is charged with

the theft of a Subaru Forester.

You never hear about those cars getting

stolen. People tend to carjack

more desirable or attractive

vehicles. I'm guessing

the Forester was

just, you know, around this guy

when he needed it. It was the closest

available car to Jack.

Alright, so this guy

stole a Subaru Forester,

which he allegedly used to make an

audacious stop at a police

station. He was probably pulling into the

police station just as the

owner of the Subaru was calling

that police station to report that his

car was stolen. Shortest investigation

ever. Yeah, the man was

going to the police station following

an attempted theft at a local

Target store. I'm sorry, I still

don't think I understand what's going on here.

Christopher Jordan Gansel, 24,

who resides in an apartment on

Poplar Street, is facing charges of felony

theft by unlawful taking,

felony receiving stolen property,

and misdemeanor unauthorized use of a

vehicle, as per the court filings.

Records show Gansel was released

on $5,000 unsecured

bail. The incident follows a

separate encounter five days earlier

when Gansel was involved in a minor legal

issue with the Lower Marion Township

Police. He was charged with simple

trespassing and disorderly conduct for

using offensive language. That's

bullshit. Disorderly conduct because you

were swearing? Talk about a free speech

issue, right? He was subsequently released

on a $1,000 unsecured

bail on August 16th.

The auto theft occurred on August

21st at approximately 1.31

p.m. after the owner of a

green 2023 Subaru

Forester reported the vehicle stolen.

They were at the Lansdale

Public Library. The car was stolen

from the library's parking

lot. The vehicle owner

had parked the Subaru next to a blue

Toyota RAV4. Upon

exiting the vehicle with his son,

he noticed the car made a peculiar

beeping noise, a feature intended

to alert owners who leave their vehicle

running. Surveillance footage from the scene

identified a black male dressed

in a white tank top and black long

pants taking the Subaru at

12.48 p.m. Shortly after,

Lansdale Police informed by

Hatfield Police that Gansel had appeared

at their station driving the stolen Subaru,

attempting to recover his

confiscated drugs. So that's

why he was at the police station.

The police took his drugs

and he wanted them back.

As if that was ever going

to happen. And then to get to

the police station to get the confiscated

drugs, he had to do some more

illegal shit. He then left

the station and was later spotted attempting

to commit a theft at a Target

store. Damn, my boy is

busy. He fled the scene in the

Subaru, heading south on Route

309. The stolen vehicle is

valued at $30,000.

Generous. Gansel is scheduled for

a preliminary... I don't have anything against

Subaru Foresters. I'm just being a dick.

I almost bought a Subaru Forester at one

point. Or leased it or something.

Gansel is scheduled for a preliminary...

I am a lesbian, after all. Gansel is

scheduled for a preliminary hearing on

October 16th before Magistrial

District Judge Edward

Levine. So there you go.

That is what's happening in your world today,

freaks! Let's do a couple voicemails

and get the hell out of here.

Love to hear from you, and there are many

ways to contact the show.

Show it at DistortedView.com.

I'm all over social media at DistortedView on Twitter

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if you pledge at least $5, you get access

to a special voicemail line where

I will play your calls first. And yes,

we've got some patrons checking in today.

Hey, Tim.

TitDirt here. Just calling in response

to Unicorn Hamster's

voicemail the other day.

How he mentioned his brother told him to go

the way of the TurboGrafx-16.

Right. Brought back a lot of memories

when he said that I myself had

a TurboGrafx-16. I'm so

sorry. Your childhood was probably...

very, very different than

most of us. It just seemed

to never take off in America.

But yeah, it was a great system.

It had a HuCard instead

of a cartridge. Yes, the HuCard.

Which was pretty much a

card chip that's about smaller than

a regular average-sized credit

card. You never had to blow on it.

The thing was always consistent.

It was great. So, yeah.

Unicorn Hamster made me think of all

the good memories I had with that.

I had quite a collection.

I only played it for a few years and it just never

took off here in the States.

So, I guess

props to Unicorn Hamster. Props to you

also. You mentioned

Blanc's Adventure. That was a game I played

a lot of. Unicorn Hamster

also said Splatterhouse. Another classic game.

A horror game. When I was a little kid,

I always got scared playing that game.

I'm fascinated by

video game consoles that

didn't really succeed.

They kind of went nowhere.

3DO is a...

a great example of a failed

system. There were a lot

at the dawn of multimedia.

You know, like when things started moving over

to CDs,

there were a lot of

companies that tried to make video game

systems. It just didn't work out

too well. I think the first really

successful system that had the CD

was...

Well, it had to be PlayStation, right? That was

the first huge, huge... I mean, Sega

had an add-on to the Sega CD,

but you had to have the...

the Genesis for that.

There was Philips. Philips came out with the

CD-i system. That was a huge

flop. Even my beloved

Commodore computer tried

their hands at a video game

system called the

Amiga... No, Amiga

CD-32.

That one is so interesting.

I'm a student of Commodore

history, and that thing

was released just as Commodore

was about to declare bankruptcy.

They had absolutely no money,

and they had a bunch... If I remember

the story correctly, they had a bunch of these things

produced, and they couldn't afford...

There was some sort of dispute

with shipping or something. It was like

these units were stuck in Taiwan,

and I know a bunch of

them were released in Europe,

and it started to do

well, right? They were selling a lot.

Maybe not a lot, but it looked

promising. And then the fact that they just had

no money and couldn't get

these consoles

shipped over and

I don't know. Something strange

like that. It was just

a disaster. Anyway, that's neither

here nor there. I get caught

up in these stupid nerd

discussions.

Yes, caller, what can I do for you?

As usual, I am about a week behind

on the show.

This is about...

I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Last week,

talk about curve feces and how

it's magically caused by

cell phones. Okay, well, first of all,

it's not magically caused.

By cell phones. I explained

what the theory is behind it.

It's like the phone...

You've got the weight of the phone

resting on your

pinky, and over time

that creates a bit of a

curvature.

18% of the population is just born

with a curved pinky.

It's common as fuck.

But, you know, people on

YouTube and such are stupid.

Well, I guess I'm stupid too because I kind

of believed it. I'm looking at my pinky.

I'm like, oh yeah, it is curved. But, then again,

like, who the fuck pays that much attention

and reads about their pinkies?

The curvature of pinkies.

Sorry I don't know everything in the

fucking history of the world

and anatomy and all that bullshit.

I'm only one man, and I'm a moron.

Hey, Timothy, it's

Meowness. So I just listened

to the episode yesterday

with this news story about the guy that opened

the Amazon package. He got shit

right in the mail. With the poop in it? Yeah.

Uh, dude.

Like, you need to

rile up

all the same freaks

that did all the shenanigans on the

Yahoo Answers. Oh, yeah.

And we need to start

finding the person that wrote this article

and fucking troll

every story

that this guy

or lady

has ever written. Because

Jesus Christ,

the way that that story was written

has to be the

worst pile of shit

journalism I have ever

heard in my life.

We have to rise up

and fuck with this person all

the time. You're talking about the fact that they did

absolutely no research as to

why he received the shit

in the mail? Like, no mention

if it was like a scam?

I mean, that's obviously what it was, right?

One of those Amazon review scam things

going on. You'd think he would have mentioned

that, or she. I don't know who wrote that

story. But, yeah, I kind of agree with

you. Of course, I just read it because it had

the word poop in it, and I know

what my audience likes. Shit