Episode from Sep 4, 2024

that's kind of a false ending i'm not listening i'm sorry wait hold on see he keeps playing

that hold on hold on my friend you're talking about our theme song yeah there he goes again

i call it our theme song i'm being generous your name isn't mentioned in it at all is it

is it no i think is it no i'm mentioned it is yeah fine go ahead and introduce the show now

you you you introduce no i introduce it every damn week i introduce it every damn week

what do you say you say welcome to the stunt joe friends and family you

can't

even get that boys and girls

welcome you're in for a real treat you could give the name out of the show i could yeah seven second

delay so i was so inclined with seven second delay with andy breckman yeah you don't even

have to mention my name it's okay with me are we going to change the name of the show next year

we could yeah we've called it seven second delay for quite a while how about severe tire damage

uh like the band there's a band called severe tire damage there is oh forget it

there's only uh hey the she's only a few band names not taken at this point sheaves are calling

the sheaves are calling yeah hi you're on the air hey it's nice to hear you guys i'm gabe

hi gabe i've gotten myself into some internet mischief that involves andy okay um i watched

your film rat race the other day and i'm like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry

with all my friends because i'm 32 and childless and things are going well very very funny movie

yeah it's the best yeah and we finished the movie it ends with a smash mouth concert

and there are these really cool jackets at the end of the movie that smash mouth wears

are you guys familiar with the jacket i've actually never seen the end of the movie i've

heard it's good i i if it's as good as the first half i mean it's a classic

yeah well it ends with smash mouth handing the cast these custom jackets

oh

and from the smash mouth tour and my friends and i have been obsessed with these forever

and we said we should check ebay and see if anybody uh is selling one and one person was

for 2500 wait but that's not but okay that's an inflated price but it's inflated because it's

smash mouth not because of the movie i don't know about that it's a smash mouth jacket but it has

an emblem from the movie the feed the earth charity so it's a very specific jacket that

must have been on ebay it's probably been on ebay it's probably been on ebay it's probably been on

bay for 22 years probably um and i have a modest social media following because i'm a i'm a comedian

that had a show off broadway and uh i told my followers every hey gabe who gabe who uh my last

name is malika you're not gabe malika that is it is gabe no i know gabe malika this is not gabe

malika i'm a huge fan of gabe malika and so people started sending me money because everyone loves

this jacket and this movie oh you're you're crowdfunding for a smash mouth jacket oh we

already did it i'm wearing it right now you wait did you hit twenty five hundred dollars with your

crowdfunding we we got to we got over a thousand and then we negotiated them down a little bit

oh send me send me a pic gabe don't gabe do me a favor if you love me do me a favor do not send me

a pic so so what we're so the movie ends with you know they wear these

the

you can only wear the jacket if you donate to the uh the food bank um that's how the movie ends

that everybody gives up their money that was andy's idea that was well that was not our original

uh ending but that's okay andy it's very clearly that the studio had their hands on this well it

was that they did well our original idea was in fact next you're absolutely absolutely right

uh of course of course but that doesn't mean it's not fun in its own way so i've been doing stand-up

and i've been bringing this jacket out on stage yeah

um it was a good buy because these people have been taking pictures with it um only if they donate to the food bank and then smash mouth followed me on instagram and said that they would sign it

oh my gosh that's fantastic things are happening and things are happening what i really need from

you andy is really the the first small request is one i'd love for you to sign the jacket so

when we auction it off at the end it has your name on it well you're not going to believe this

and i i'm telling you this from experience it will be worth more if i don't sign it

um well we'd love for you to be a part of it the other thing we're doing is we're having a

we're gonna we're paying for the rights and we're gonna screen this movie in october or november

um and with all the money going to the to the food bank oh wait that's fantastic wait so wait i i

would love to be present at the screening oh that's amazing i would be honored to be present

at the screening i i uh i really miss watching you know i've been writing for tv which uh which

is fine but you miss uh having an audience responding to your to your stuff so i i would

love uh to see rat race with an audience oh we would love to have you that's this is so exciting

oh sure no that's it that's for real you can contact me um through ken here at the station

and i will i promise i'll i'll be there do you do you actually have a date um we're working on

dates but honestly i wanted to wait till i got the call into the show to like make anything

official okay would it be in manhattan

um right now we're i've asked a few places um and one of some of them are in manhattan for sure

okay uh no i'd love i'd love to i'd love to be there uh even if even if it helps a local food

bank i would still like to be involved uh well that makes me really happy okay this has gone

better than i could have possibly imagined uh gabe that's great and uh so this is gabe he

watches the rat race he's 32 let me fill let me just let me just let me just let me just let me just

set the stage for a can a little bit 32 years old yeah he's watching 20 year old uh john

lovett's movies with his friends he sees a jacket at the end of the movie he becomes obsessed with

the jacket and he works hard he spends hours raising money to buy that jacket off of ebay

this guy needs a hug a hug so bad

this guy good honey gabe call him call any girl you know and just say i'm

gonna need a hug tonight my girlfriend agrees with you yes yeah tell your girlfriend that the

next hug she gives you is from me and ken because that's a sad sad story who is the

seth that was in that movie well seth green had a green yeah part isn't it i think it's

more of a seth green movie than a john lovett's movie oh don't get me started i mean reasonable

people can disagree ken about whether it's a seth green movie or john lovett's movie i guess uh

i well

that's right she has a line or two but i'm going to drag ken to the screening as well

i really am very proud there's there's it's a two-hour movie the middle hour

is is an hour i'm very proud of i thought it was a really funny movie once the once the race kicks

and not not because you used my name in it either i actually thought it was very funny uh that's oh

yeah ken friedman is in there the rocket scientist yeah yeah uh actually people that

know you that's the biggest laugh of the movie that you're a rocket scientist hey gabe thanks a

lot okay send us the details at ken at wfm yeah i'll see you i'll see you at the theater in a

month or two well congratulations andy your food bank uh ideas uh going gangbusters still 22 years

if you come to the screening i'll tell the audience what the original ending was oh you're

not going to tell us right now oh it'll it's uh it's a carrot that i'm going to dangle okay

so my god that's 11 minutes yeah we have a game that's 11 minutes out of our show

can we get that back no why can't i just stand up walk over to that clock and move the uh move

the minute hand back uh you can do that if you want could i yeah would that work yeah but then

i'm gonna have to move it forward why wait who follows us weekly world blues with matt five

he's an idiot he'll look at the clock he'll say oh i i'm 11 minutes early you'll screw everybody

up

by doing that the clock needs to be constant i'm changing the clock no don't change oh fine

go change the clock

geez louise it'll be so funny when matt comes in

great andy's standing up and uh messing messing with our time piece

yeah hey it's only two minutes hey that's fantastic

and that's how you do it what was the original time by the way it doesn't matter right now

it's oh it's two minutes after six it's two minutes after six we are uh we have a whole

hour ahead of us we're just going to have to estimate the end we don't have no we have an

hour no i know that when matt five ash walks in matt will will point to the clock he doesn't even

matt what are you doing he doesn't even look at the clock we're tonight we're going to point to

the clock we're gonna say matt matt matt you're not gonna push us out of here early when matt

comes in yeah i'll take care of that it's five i ain't scared of matt that that's it's like

clockwork he comes in at i got i'm gonna come we we have an hour ahead of matt comes in at five to

seven yeah and our theme song is almost four minutes long yeah all i gotta do is wait for

matt to come in yeah count to 60 buckle your seat belts ken and then put on the theme you're in for

a bumpy ride the last 10 minutes of this show confrontation maybe a fist fight yeah at least

a slap a little slap fight i was hoping for a fist fight over our apple you know yeah didn't

happen our apple bait package yeah yeah somebody stole it hi you're on the air oh i wonder where

it is should i check sure oh hey say it again have you started the game no but i guess we could

start the game with you honey wait where's my

oh

yeah i know oh i will i yeah we'll invite everybody okay we haven't even explained the

game yet beth but the idea here is that uh listeners are going to call and give us two bands

and andy and i then wager uh over which band got more airplay on wfmu according to our

our search database so you have a data it's not a song specific song no it's a band so

so just wait i should just maybe recap ken has access to a database

uh which counts how many times any given band has been played on the station

so listeners will call 201-209-9368 uh they'll give us the name of two bands i guess two bands

that are roughly roughly the same the pop in popularity yeah and you and i have to have both

heard of both of them yes that's a that's the challenge okay and so and so to demonstrate my

bride beth beth i call her a bride even though we've been married now 20 20 years right bethie

i'm pulling out my megabucks i met beth online did you know that ken i did

okay okay did you guys hear me because you can put in any parameters when you're when

you're dating online yes i wanted to find a virgin uh-huh andy shut up it was important to me

okay am i playing the game that she thinks i'm the greatest lover in the world

world. The only way that would be possible is if I found a virgin. So I set the dating app to virgin

and Beth's name popped right up. How many settings were there? Well, it was a very special app.

There was a virgin setting? It was a virgin and non-virgin. It was A or B. Oh, just virgin and

non-virgin. Yeah, it was. Yeah. That's not usually how the dichotomy goes. Most popular app on the

internet at the time. Am I still on? Yeah, baby. I'm so sorry. Am I still welcome home? That's the

question. Okay. So, wait, what are we doing? Beth was going to give us... Are you ready? I've got my choices.

Okay. And Ken and I have money to wager. We actually have cash. Okay. You have two bands.

Go ahead, honey. John Prine, Bonnie.

Oh, excellent. Oh, excellent. Okay. I'm going to hang up now. Okay. Okay. Thanks, Beth.

John Prine. I want to go to the movie. Yeah, honey. You don't have to start lobbying. You

have to start lobbying for an aisle seat now. Okay. John Prine or Bonnie Rae? Yeah, that's a

tough one. That is a tough one. Yeah. Okay. I know the answer. You do? Yeah.

Hmm. Man, that is... I'm not sure which one I'm going to bet on.

I guess I'm going to bet on... Wait. What if we bet on the same one? I happen to know it's Bonnie Rae.

Oh, okay. Then I'm going to bet on John Prine. Okay. You have a dollar? Yeah. Put a dollar on

the board there. Oh, baby. Easiest money ever. Because, you know, I have a system. I won't lose.

John Prine, 225. Wait. 225 times? Yeah. He's been playing... Wait. That's all? Over how many years?

Since 2001.

Wait. That's 23 years? You've only played John Prine? Oh, then I definitely win.

Because Bonnie Rae has covered so many songs. Only 68. What? Bonnie Rae? Yeah, for 68. I win.

Thank you very much. Well, now that I lost, I'm not going to tell you my system. Oh,

what's your system? No, I sound like an idiot now that I lost. It's the Martingale system,

isn't it? It's the musical equivalent of the Martingale. So you just lost. So now you have

to bet two dollars next time.

Yeah, to make it up. All right. Yeah, to get back to even. To get back to ground level.

Okay, that's how the game is played. 201-209-9368. And wait. For the record, I just want you

to know. Yeah, yeah. You're at the computer screen. I'm not at the computer screen. Right.

I'm trusting you. Well, yeah. I mean... I don't have to look. I trust you with my life.

I'm a trustworthy guy. No, that's not... I don't think so. I would say you're not wily

enough to pull off a scam as complicated as that. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

Okay. All right. So here we go. So Beth demonstrated this perfectly. 201-209-9368. It's Ken versus

Andy. Which band, give us the name of two bands, has been played more?

Hi, you're on the air.

Hey.

Ken, it's my show.

Can't believe I got through.

I can't believe either. Is this Henry or Hero?

Hero.

Hi, Hero.

Hi, Hero. You're on the air.

I knew it was Hero.

You love the show. Ken, it's my show.

Yes.

You can't believe you got through.

Yeah, first time, long time.

I'm a first time caller, long time listener.

I don't believe that about the first time caller. Now, Hero, do you have two bands that

Ken and I both have heard of that you'd like to... that you'd wonder who's been played

more?

So, I like Monty Python and Eric Idle or Andy Brexman.

Great question. Eric Idle did have that big hit at the end of Life of Brian.

But I think it's credited to Monty Python. Hero, I'm going to suggest that we do Monty

Python versus Andy Brexman.

Well, how...

Is that okay?

I thought it would... I thought it was only Eric Idle.

I think Eric Idle... Eric Idle probably recorded it on a solo album. I'm guessing it's been

recorded a few times. I know...

It actually was on the... in his Broadway show as well, Spamalot.

Yeah.

So...

Okay, we'll make it Eric Idle versus Andy Brexman.

Okay, that's actually... that's actually an interesting contest.

Yeah.

I know I've been played maybe five times total by you out of pity. Maybe Irwin out of pity

will play me.

Right. So, you're going to bet Eric Idle.

I would say Eric Idle. I would... I would say that bright side of...

Are you going to bet $2, the Martingale method?

I would say Eric Idle has been played...

He's played more. Oh, he also has another song, Henry the Half a Bee or something. That

was kind of a hit.

Yeah.

I would say Eric Idle.

Okay. I'm going to say Andy Brexman.

Okay.

The reason being is that I know that when people play Monty Python songs, they credit

it to Monty Python, not to Eric Idle.

I think Eric Idle has done some stuff under his own name.

So, I'm betting on Andy Brexman.

Okay, go ahead. Let's do Eric Idle first.

Are you ready?

Yes. Okay, here comes Eric Idle.

I believe it's E-R-I-C.

Are you a big Monty Python fan, Henry?

Eric Idle comes up at 25.

Oh, then I... Okay. That's definitely more than me.

Oh, definitely not.

Oh, no. Who would play me?

Except to mock me.

Many people have played you.

I would challenge that.

60 for Andy Brexman, and I win $2 more.

Thank you, hero.

Thank you.

You can go to hell.

I tried telling you both.

I tried warning you both.

People who play The Bright Side of Life, they credit it to Monty Python.

They don't credit it to Eric Idle.

Then how did Eric Idle rack up 25 hits?

Must be that half a B, some other stuff, huh?

Maybe.

All right. All right. I'm down $3.

Yeah.

Let's see.

How did he...

He racked up for 25 hits.

I was going to buy my family dinner tomorrow night.

I like Chinese.

Oh, the FCC song.

Oh, okay. So he had some solo stuff.

Eric, the half a B.

Oh, that's right. Eric, the half a B.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Interesting.

I'm up. Are you going to stick to the Martingale method and double your bet every time?

Sure.

Okay.

Hi, you're on the air.

I just said interesting, and you didn't laugh at all.

Hello.

Okay.

Jack Klugman or Walter Matthau?

Well, they didn't sing.

Well, yeah.

They're artists. They're on the list.

Wait, but they didn't...

They weren't broadcast over FMU.

Yeah.

You know, there is that Odd Couple Sings record, but it's credited to the Odd Couple.

So I think...

Some nutty guy named Ken used to play one of those artists a lot.

Jack Klugman or Tony Randall?

No, or Walter Matthau.

Oh, Walter Matthau.

Yeah, Walter Matthau had some records out.

Well, Jack Klugman, I can't imagine having records out.

Jack Klugman.

All right.

You want to do this, Andy?

No, you just tipped your hand.

Okay.

I just got a glimpse of your hand.

Sorry.

We're moving on.

You would bet Walter Matthau.

Hi, you're on the air.

Hi, you love the show.

You can't believe you got through.

Hi, I really love the show.

I'm happy to be home.

Who's this?

Oh, my God.

Thanks, Ken.

Pam.

Hi, Pam.

Oh, Pam.

Hi.

How have you been?

Wait, it's been a minute, hasn't it?

It has.

Have you been climbing cliffs?

Wait, isn't that Pam?

Am I remembering?

Yeah, you are remembering.

I have, among other things.

Pam's a rock climber.

You're not scared of gravity?

Because there's a lot of gravity in that part of California.

I am scared of gravity.

But it's good to fear what you, wait, fear is healthy?

Face what you fear.

No.

No, Pam.

No, honey.

Don't do, don't.

Don't say that.

You know what Glenn Powell said?

Fear is healthy.

In Twisters, he said, ride what you fear.

In the movie Twisters?

Yeah.

I should get that as a tattoo.

I have a friend in the business, and he told me, and this can't leave the room.

Okay.

A lot of that movie was made up.

Twisters?

Yeah.

A lot of that was just imaginary.

Those are real Twisters, though.

It's a fake story.

I don't even know if the Twisters were real.

I think it might have been Hollywood magic.

But it's good you quoted.

It's good you're living life.

Yeah, yeah.

It's become your mantra.

I'm glad about that.

Hey, Pam, do you have two bands that are sort of, that you would imagine might be similar

in popularity?

Yeah.

I actually have two pairs, and I don't know which one to choose.

So if you guys could choose one or two.

Number one or number two.

Okay.

Well, of course we go with number one.

No.

Number two.

No, no, no, wait.

Number one, of course.

No, no.

Is it too late to switch?

I'm going to say number two.

Ken?

Your final choice, Andy?

Yeah, my final choice.

Okay, I'm going to go with number one.

Number one!

Wait, wait.

Number one.

Okay, I'm going with number one.

Okay, yeah, that's my choice.

Okay.

Honestly, I like number two better.

Pam, why don't you read number two, but tell us it's number one.

The Secret Will Die With You.

Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift.

What is it again?

Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift.

Okay.

Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift?

If Miley Cyrus, okay, see the thing is like a lot of her plays might be listed under Hannah Montana.

Really?

Yeah.

But hasn't Taylor Swift been recording and hasn't she been popular for 20 years now?

Yeah, but her music is so awful.

It is?

Yeah.

I've never heard any of it.

Yeah, it's really, really forgettable.

I mean, more power to her.

I like her.

Well, maybe it's because the relationships.

I'm going to go with Miley Cyrus.

I'll say Taylor Swift because I've heard the kids love her.

Are you going to double your bet?

Well, if the kids love her, then FMU's not going to play her.

Haven't you learned anything?

Maybe FMU hasn't heard that the kids love her.

Ooh.

Maybe your head's been up your rear end for the last...

20 years.

All right, I have a $10 bill.

Can I get change?

Give me 10 singles.

Jesus.

Yeah, Jesus, really.

That's a lot of work.

Dan, you need to fly out to the West Coast and do a screening of...

Of Rat Race?

Rat Race.

Yeah, maybe I'll take Rat Race on the road.

Maybe that'll be my new career.

Yeah.

That'd be great.

Well, it'd be great for a week and a half.

How much are you going to bet?

Okay, on this one, Taylor Swift versus Miley Cyrus?

Yeah.

And Miley Cyrus, I'm using that name.

You're betting Tay-Tay.

You're looking up Miley Cyrus.

Yeah.

You're not looking up her.

I'm not looking up Hannah Montana.

All right.

Taylor Swift, I've got $4 on Taylor Swift.

Do I have to bet $4?

Yeah, well, either you bet or you pass.

Either you blink.

All right.

I'm putting $4 on the table.

I'm putting you down $4.

All right, fine.

Look, I'm trusting him.

Pam, I'm trusting him.

And Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus comes in at $65.

Oh, then I definitely won.

Pam, don't you think that...

I don't know.

I'm kind of going with Ken that they might not have played her.

But even if they played Taylor Swift to mock her...

Taylor Swift, $26.

I win again.

Oh, God.

You know what?

I have to remember to listen to the damn station.

Or maybe listen to what I'm saying.

Yeah, I have to either listen to the station or listen to what Ken's saying.

Okay, well, thanks, Pam.

Pam, what was the other couple?

Oh, no.

We've got to move on.

We've got to phone back.

But the other one's really good.

Okay.

What was it?

No, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Okay, sorry, Pam.

It was Dolly Parton and Johnny Cash.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Okay, maybe someone else will pick up on that.

Dolly Parton and Johnny Cash.

That's a tough one.

Okay, maybe someone else will pick up on that.

Yeah.

Hi, you're on the air.

Hi, you love the show.

You can't believe you got through.

Weird Al and Klaus Nomi.

Andy, have you heard of both of them?

No, we can't.

That's disqualifying.

We're disqualifying.

That's disqualifying.

Oh, because you haven't heard of Weird Al Yankovic?

Well, I've heard of Weird Al, of course.

You haven't heard of Klaus Nomi?

No, nobody has.

Interesting fact.

Nobody's heard of him.

Sorry, caller.

I guess.

I would have loved to have done that.

The bar is that low.

I should, maybe it would be easy.

Maybe I should list all the bands I've heard of.

Klaus Nomi performed on SNL.

What the hell are you talking about?

Within the last 15 years?

Yeah, around the time when you worked for him.

No.

Yeah.

No.

Let me see.

He had a bow tie.

Do you remember any performers who wore a bow tie?

Yeah.

That was Klaus Nomi.

No, that was Klaus Normie.

No, Klaus Nomi.

That was the guy with the bow tie?

Yeah.

Klaus Normie.

Somebody must have made a typo.

No, I've never heard of either one.

Hi, you're on the air.

Hi, thanks for calling.

You love the show.

David Bowie or Lou Reed?

Ooh.

Ooh, okay.

Well, now we're getting into some real numbers, right, Ken?

Yeah, yes.

David Bowie or Lou Reed?

Yeah.

Hold on.

I've got to get some money.

And, of course, Lou Reed is...

What do you do with all my money?

I'm just curious.

Lou Reed's hard because...

Because it's either him or the Underground, right?

It's Velvet Underground, yeah.

So we're talking about Lou Reed solo.

Just Lou Reed.

Yeah.

Okay.

So can I take Lou Reed?

Uh...

I got $4.

Okay.

And you'll take David Bowie?

Well, what happens if I don't want to bet?

Then you can't bet.

Because there's nothing for you to win.

Well, then why don't you go to hell?

But David Bowie did get...

You're on a roll.

You're on a little bit of a roll.

All right, I'll take Bowie.

Okay, I've got Lou Reed.

Because probably most of the Lou Reed stuff is going to be the Velvet Underground.

Wait, where does all this money go after the show?

Right up your arm.

Am I right?

Well...

The arm's kind of...

Used up at this point.

Yeah, exactly.

You're between the toes at this point.

Yeah.

Well, then it's my pleasure.

Then I'll bet more.

All right.

So you're betting Lou Reed.

I'm betting David Bowie.

What the hell is that?

I don't know.

Sounds like a foreign language to me.

And Siri.

Yeah.

Okay, but the bet still stands.

Okay.

So what number are you going to do first?

I just looked up...

Lou Reed...

Yeah, what's the number?

1,071.

There you go.

Okay, you know what?

Wait, hold on.

1,071.

Do you want to take your bet back?

No.

I'll let you take your bet back now that you know that number.

Are you intimidated by that number?

No.

It's north of 1,000?

Yeah, for David Bowie.

Yeah.

Okay, so David Bowie.

Look it up.

3,380.

Oh, God.

Once again, I warned you...

Yeah.

...that most of the Lou Reed plays are going to be under the Velvet Underground.

All right.

Thank you, caller.

That was a good one.

Yeah, you have to double down now.

Tell the kids we're going to be going without lunch for a few weeks.

Don't mention lunch to the kids.

I'm cleaning up.

Yeah.

I can't keep up with your betting.

You keep doubling...

I haven't won.

Yeah, you haven't won a single one, but you...

I haven't won a single one.

This is the Martingale method, huh?

I can't...

I have to score.

I'm not on the scoreboard.

All right.

Let's go back to the phones.

Hi, you're on the air.

Oh, I can't believe I got through.

I can't believe it either.

You love the show.

You have two bands you want us to compare and contrast?

Glenn Campbell or Paul Simon.

Oh.

That's pretty good.

Well, Glenn Campbell did all those Jimmy Webb standards, right?

And Paul Simon, that's 30, 40 years of great, great stuff.

Yeah, and two good songs.

Oh, shut up.

He's the best.

He's not better than Glenn Campbell.

Ken, he might be listening.

He might be listening.

I can't possibly bet on Paul Simon.

Because he's too talented.

I'm betting on Glenn Campbell.

Here's what you do.

Here's what I do.

Here's my system, if you want to know.

Okay.

I determine which of the two artists are more talented.

In this case, it's Paul Simon.

Right.

I confirm that we're talking about WFMU out of Jersey City.

Are we?

That's the station?

We are, yep.

Okay.

So then I bet on the other artist.

So you're betting on Paul Simon?

No, I'm betting on Glenn Campbell.

Because he's less talented.

I'm betting on Glenn Campbell because he's the one who's not...

He's not Paul Simon.

Oh, my God.

What do you have against gifted Jews?

What is your problem?

Don't get me started on Paul Simon.

Hello, darkness, my old friend.

See, his friend is darkness.

He's Mr. Alienation.

At least he was in 1965.

Yeah.

Okay, so I have to bet on Paul Simon?

Yeah.

I'll bet on Paul Simon.

Okay.

Wait, I'll bet on Paul Simon.

Go ahead.

Bet on Paul Simon.

Okay, I'm going to bet.

I'm going to maybe temper my bets.

Here's $2 on Paul Simon.

And I'm betting $2 on Glenn Campbell.

Fine.

Who are you looking up first?

Glenn Campbell comes in at $520.

Oh, I guess we lost him.

Well, that makes sense.

All those Jimmy Webb, you know, time I get to Phoenix.

That makes sense, right?

Galveston.

Paul Simon comes in at $105, and I win again.

Wait, in 23 years...

On a 24-hour, seven-day-a-week music radio station,

Paul Simon's been played a little over 100 times.

Has anybody ever told you...

Shame.

Shame on you.

Has anybody ever told you how short and annoying he is?

I can't even get my head around that.

And also...

I can't even get my head around it.

I didn't look for Simon and Garfunkel, remember?

Oh, shut up.

Oh, please shut him up.

Somebody shut him up.

He can't talk forever.

Oh, God.

You know what?

It makes me want to go home and play Paul Simon for five days straight.

To make up for it.

So God at least will know what team I'm on.

But there's only two good songs.

Shut up.

How long can you listen to those two songs over and over and over again?

I just want to beat you to a pulp now.

Ha ha ha.

You're on the air.

Hi, you're on the air.

You love the show.

Close to know me was on Saturday Night Live 1979.

Oh, 1979.

Is that when you worked there, Andy?

Bow tie?

That might have been just before me.

But even if I was there...

No, that was before me, because Letterman began in 80.

Dressed as a triangle, wore a bow tie.

No, I probably didn't even see it.

White face makeup.

Even if I was there, I might have been oblivious.

Like a balloon suit.

I don't know.

Neil Diamond and Tom Jones.

Interesting.

Is Neil spelled N-E-I-L?

N-E-I-L.

Yep.

Neil Diamond and Tom Jones.

That's a hard one.

They're very close.

Wait, Neil Diamond and Tom Jones.

Okay, hold on.

I'm going to guess.

I'm going to.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to guess Neil Diamond because he had some legitimate great songs.

Yeah.

Tom Jones.

I mean, after you've played What's New Pussycat, what do you have with Tom Jones?

Delilah.

All right.

Will you give me Neil Diamond?

Cannon, Thunderball.

I don't know those songs.

Will you give me Neil Diamond?

You got Prince's Kiss.

Yeah, you can have Neil Diamond.

I'm taking Tom Jones.

Really?

Yeah.

Thank the Lord for the Nighttime?

Neil Diamond?

Wait, I'm a Believer?

Neil Diamond.

Yeah, but the Monkees had the hit with I'm a Believer.

Neil Diamond's version is great, too.

All right, hold on.

Oh, my God.

You're down to a 20?

Oh, shut up.

I can't change your 20?

You can because I gave you a 20.

You gave me a 10 a minute ago.

Here's your 10.

Oh, this is sad.

Note to self, avoid Vegas.

Well, thanks, caller.

Sounds like he's gone anyway.

Okay, good, yeah.

He just planted the seed and then he left.

Yeah, give me 20.

Can I break a 20?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so this is on.

Wait, which one did I take?

You're taking Neil Diamond and I'm taking Tom Jones.

Boy, I really am a problem gambler.

I can't even remember what numbers I bet on, what team I have on Sunday's game.

All right, here's $3 on Neil Diamond.

Okay, and Neil Diamond has 594.

Oh, okay.

Wait, that's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Okay, I'll let you take your bet back.

No, no thanks, Grandpa.

Grandpa, where'd that come from?

641 for Tom Jones.

See, here's the thing.

Tom Jones.

Yeah, it's so campy.

No, he does all these covers of more recent stuff.

He's covered Prince.

He's covered...

What the hell?

Is that on the phone?

Wait, let it go.

I love it.

Can you please repeat that?

That's Siri.

What the hell is going on here?

Jesus, you know, somebody else mentioned something like that happening.

I didn't even believe him.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know, this is pretty impressive technologically.

Yeah.

You can't even control your own phone lines.

How do you expect to control your own staff?

201-209-9368.

Give us the name of two bands.

Wait, have I still not won a bet?

No, you haven't won a single one.

Okay, my new strategy...

That's not unusual.

My new strategy is to stall.

Right, it's not unusual, Tom Jones.

Oh, yeah, Tom Jones, it's not unusual.

Yeah.

I can't believe I got through.

Listen to the station all the time.

It's Pete the Gardener.

Hey, Pete.

How are you today, Ken?

Good, how you doing?

All in all well, thank you.

And yourself?

How's Andy?

I'm doing well.

Andy's been better.

All in all, all in all well.

I like that answer.

Except Andy's playing games with the clock on the wall.

You've tempered the answer.

That's what I try to do.

All in all, all in all well.

All in all, you're not saying you're doing good.

You owe me 25 bucks for my call-in for the last year.

But we can work that out later.

I didn't quite hear what he's saying.

Me neither.

It doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

So, Pete, what's the duo you got for us here?

Okay.

Doug and the Slugs and Brand X.

I'm sorry, neither one is eligible to participate in this contest.

Andy hasn't heard of either band.

No.

I don't believe anyone has.

How about the Beatles and the Who, then?

The Beatles and the Who.

I don't think anyone could beat the Beatles.

Yeah, that's going to be too easy.

The Beatles would definitely win.

There's no question about that.

No one's betting against the Beatles.

Can I take another shot at that?

Yeah.

One more shot.

Dan Fogelberg and Doc Watson.

And is Fogelberg B-E-R-G?

No, Fogelberg is F.

F-O-G.

The end of it.

Or D-A-N.

Fogel, F-O-G-E-L-B-E-R-G.

Okay, I'm ready with my bet.

Yeah, I'd say Doc Watson.

Yeah, I'm going to say Doc Watson.

I'm not going to bet on Dan Fogelberg.

No, I won't either.

Okay.

Sorry, Pete.

Sorry, didn't work for you.

Not a whole lot of Dan Fogelberg fans around the station.

What was the name of his big hit?

Part of the Plan.

Who sang Leader of the Band?

Leader of the Band?

Leader of the Band.

Yeah, about his father.

I don't know.

It was kind of a heartfelt little ballad.

Was that Dan Fogelberg?

I don't know.

Well, then I'm going to say it was.

If you don't know.

Kenny Loggins.

The gals all loved Kenny Loggins.

Why wouldn't they?

Caddyshack.

The gals loved doing the Caddyshack dance.

I know that from my marriage to Beth.

What's that got to do with Kenny Loggins?

Didn't he sing the Caddyshack theme song?

Oh, I don't know.

Over the credits?

Oh, maybe.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I never saw Caddyshack.

You never saw Caddyshack?

Never saw it.

Well, after you see Rat Race next month.

I've seen Rat Race six or seven times.

You just leave right after your name's mentioned.

It's got my name in it.

Yeah.

As soon as Ken's name is mentioned,

Ken turns to his family and says,

Okay, we're leaving.

Rat Race has the Barbie Museum gag.

That's a good one.

Oh, yeah.

The tongue-piercing gag.

Oh, yeah.

A couple of good gags.

Yeah.

Lots of good gags.

Yeah.

As many gags as Paul Simon has good songs.

That's what you're saying.

No, way more.

Way more gags in Rat Race than Paul Simon has good songs.

It doesn't get dumber.

If you're just tuning in, we've hit rock bottom.

We've hit bottom before, but never hit rock bottom.

Hi, you're on the air.

Hey, Ken.

Andy, can't believe I got through.

Hey, Zachary.

Hey.

How's it going?

Good.

How you doing?

Great now that you called.

You're the fish we wanted to catch.

He is.

Oh, you know?

He is the fish I wanted to catch.

Yeah.

Hey, there you go.

Weigh me up.

Don't cut my gills yet.

Hold on.

What movie is that line from?

You're the fish I wanted to catch.

I've been quoting it for 30 years.

It's in a lot of movies.

That's public domain, Andy.

The answer is Norma Rae.

Really?

Yeah.

But something precedes it from Norma Rae.

I don't know.

I challenge that.

I don't know.

I think it's originally from Silkwood.

Oh, shut up.

You're just babbling.

I don't know what you're saying.

So, Zachary, what's your dynamic duo?

Hey, by the way, if any staff members are listening,

nothing is more satisfying than saying shut up to Ken.

Try it tomorrow.

It's true.

Try it tomorrow at the office.

Okay, you're putting $3 down, Ken, even before you heard the choice?

Well, you seem ready to put $3 down.

Okay, Zach, what are your bands?

Chico Marx.

Okay.

No.

Sam Kinnison.

Chico Marx and Sam Kinnison.

Well, Groucho would be played quite a bit.

Well, Chico had...

But Chico, wouldn't that be under Marx Brothers?

There's no solo Chico Marx.

Yeah, there is.

He played piano.

I know, in every movie, but he probably had a cut on every soundtrack, but it would be

under Marx Brothers if you were looking for it.

Maybe.

Hey, let's split it.

What is it?

An extra challenge.

You got three more dollars?

I don't know.

Should we do it?

Chico Marx versus Sam Kinnison?

No.

You can't play...

Number one, you can't play Sam Kinnison on the radio.

Throw in Dave Hill.

That's true.

Sam Kinnison is very hard to play on the air.

Well, I don't like this bet.

Okay.

I have to say we should...

Sorry, Zachary.

You have another one?

Oh, okay.

Sorry.

What about Judas Priest?

Okay.

And Van Morrison.

Well, that's...

Can I take Van Morrison?

Are you so confident, Andy?

Yes, I am.

I'm confident now.

It's going to double it, Ken.

Would you allow me to take Van Morrison?

No, because it's so clearly Van Morrison.

Yeah, it's not even close.

Yeah.

All right, Zach.

Sorry, Zach.

We need two artists who seem like they would be close.

The same ballpark.

Yeah.

That's the idea here.

So I can get all of Andy's money.

How much money do you have left?

I have...

Don't worry about it.

I can't name one Judas Priest song.

Can you?

Diamonds and Rust.

No.

I understand it.

Yeah.

They covered Diamonds and Rust.

They covered the Joan Baez song?

Yeah.

No.

It's fantastic.

No.

Yes.

The song isn't very good.

No, it's her best song.

That's about her...

That's about Dylan?

Yeah.

If you want to know about Joan Baez and Dylan, don't listen to that song.

Just wait till Christmas and go out and go see the movie.

There's a whole movie.

Who plays Joan Baez again?

You know her.

I've worked with her.

Yeah, Monica.

Monica what?

What's her name?

Monica.

What's her name?

Celis?

No.

Wait.

Oh, my God.

Oh, baby.

Lewinsky?

No.

You worked with her.

I know.

Was she on The Good Cop?

Yeah.

She was in The Good Cop.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, let's go to our next call.

Like, so stop.

All right.

You're on the air.

Wait.

Now I've got to look at it.

Jesus.

Hey.

Is James in Atlanta?

Who is it?

Oh, man.

James in Atlanta?

Hi, James.

How about Cheap Trick or Kiss?

Oh, that's a good one.

Andy, have you heard of both?

What?

Have you heard of both Cheap Trick and Kiss?

Yeah.

Okay.

You think that's a good, you think that's a fair?

I think it might be kind of close.

I'm going to take Cheap Trick.

Monica Barbaro.

That's, oh, I blanked on her name.

Oh, she plays Joan Baez in.

Yeah.

You know, I only worked with her for a year and a half.

There's no reason I should be expected.

That new Timothee Chalamet.

Timothee Chalamet, Dylan.

Yeah, she plays Dylan.

Biopic.

Yeah.

What's it called again?

It's not No Direction.

I believe it's, no.

A Complete Unknown.

Yeah.

A Complete Unknown.

Yeah.

They're running out of lines from, they're running out of lines from Rolling Stone to

use as movie titles.

All right.

So you're going to put $3 on Kiss?

Wait, on who?

Kiss.

As opposed to who?

Cheap Trick.

I'm putting $3 on Cheap Trick.

My heart's not in this bet, but I'll say yes.

Okay.

I don't know either band, really.

Cheap Trick.

Ooh, $778.

Well, that's significant.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

Wait, is that mine or yours?

No, that's mine.

You bet on Cheap Trick?

Yeah.

And Kiss is $618.

Way more than I thought, but I win.

Yay, Cheap Trick.

Hey, if you're just tuning in, a listener just said this over the air.

Yay, Cheap Trick.

That's a wonderful sentiment.

Yeah, that's all you have to know about the show we're doing.

201-209-9368.

Yay, Cheap Trick.

Love Cheap Trick.

Yeah.

Yay.

If you love Cheap Trick, you would join in when we say, yay, Cheap Trick.

I don't know why that's so funny.

It is.

If I went to a Cheap Trick concert, I'd make a giant sign.

And you know what that sign would say?

Enunciate?

Yay, Cheap Trick.

No.

Enunciate, I say, for my Neil Young concerts.

That was fantastic, wasn't it?

Holding up that sign?

Yeah.

Hey, speaking of Neil Young.

Yeah.

We saw him.

We went with a bunch of, we went with a couple of listeners.

Some listeners, yeah.

Oh, they really lucked out.

At Forest Hill Stadium.

Imagine going to see Neil Young with me.

Yeah, we went.

We saw Neil Young and Crazy Horse at Forest Hill Stadium.

And it was a pretty good show, although they had some PA problems.

It was only about three shows after that that Neil Young announced

that the rest of the tour was canceled.

Yeah, I mean, I guess, well, he's in his 80s, isn't he?

He's 78, because he said that they were all sick.

Yeah.

There was definitely some implication that multiple members of the band

had fallen ill.

So of course, people think, oh, maybe they all got COVID or something.

Yeah, but if they all got COVID, they'd be back on tour in a couple of weeks.

Right.

Well, Neil Young just came out with a statement.

Yes.

In which he explained.

Yes.

That he had to cancel the tour.

He had to cancel the tour, because the thought of going back on stage made him sick.

He was sick of performing.

And then he elaborated and said, my body was telling me to stop.

So he did it.

Isn't that great?

Imagine you're a fan.

You're in Tucson, Arizona.

You've been waiting 30 years to see Neil Young.

You have your ticket.

You were online.

You woke up at midnight.

Set the alarm to buy good tickets, right?

And Neil Young comes out with that.

Yeah.

I'm sick of performing for you.

He did it.

No.

For you.

The idea of going on stage again made me sick.

Yeah.

He couldn't make himself get on stage.

And it's weird, because when we saw him at Forest Hill Stadium, he seemed in very jolly

spirit.

Did he?

Yeah.

Really?

From the half mile away that we were, you could tell?

Oh, yeah.

Huh.

Remember?

I couldn't really get a good read on him.

Remember eight or nine times he said, how you doing?

Yeah.

That's right.

That's a happy Neil Young.

Yeah.

And then.

I couldn't quite get a read.

Yeah.

It was raining, and he was a half mile away.

Another seven or eight times he said, what's your favorite planet?

Yeah.

That's also a very happy Neil.

Yeah.

We witnessed the breakdown.

We were there at ground zero.

Hi, caller.

You're on the air.

Hey.

Do you think.

Yeah.

Hang on.

Wait.

Hang on, caller.

Do you think the signs I was holding up from the audience had anything to do with him losing

his heart?

I held up enunciate.

Well, not enunciate.

But I do think.

I did hold up another sign that said, sing something else.

Yeah.

And didn't you have one that said, sing like a man?

Yeah.

Sing like a man.

Because I think the joke is getting old.

No.

I think that.

I think that one.

You think that broke him?

That one really got to him.

Yeah.

Then he decided.

He was.

He was not sick of performing.

He was scared I'd be there.

Oh.

Like you were going to.

If he was being honest.

You were going to be.

I was going to follow him.

Like a dead head.

Yeah.

Following me.

Yeah.

Following the tour.

Yeah.

With my signs.

With my magic markers.

And my.

And my poster boards.

I was going to haunt him.

That's probably it.

Quick impression of Neil Young backstage before the next show.

The next night.

Yeah.

Is he out there?

Do you see him?

The big bald Jew.

Do you see him?

The big bald Jew with the markers?

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

He's out there.

Yeah.

I'm going to.

Okay.

Good.

And that.

Now you know the rest of the story.

Yeah.

Hi, caller.

You're on the air.

Hi.

What's your dynamic duo?

Hello.

My dynamic duo is Poco versus Steely Dan.

Ooh.

Well, that's such an obvious.

Yeah.

That's an easy.

That's an easy one.

That's too easy.

Yeah.

But.

Wait.

Let me hear why you think it's easy.

On the plus side, I've heard of them both.

Yeah.

Well, because you've been deriving Poco.

Yeah.

for uh for 25 years since the day we met almost you've been deriding my love of poco yeah but but

steely dan is respected by by musicians you know up and down the line all right i was thinking

maybe you were gonna go with no no no i'm i'm smart enough to know okay do you have another

duo caller well my other duo would be bob dylan versus donovan well that's also that's just too

easy yeah no yeah there ain't no donovan movie coming out uh on christmas a mellow yellow really

they never even went into production on mellow yellow was that a plan mellow yellow i think i

think the scene where he sings about how mad he is for 14 year old girls that was the problem

that was that was the second verse of mellow yellow and and don't look back my favorite

scene was when dylan took donovan's guitar away from him

you

that was a nice moment and they're and they're in the back of the limo together

yeah there was that people forget for a hot minute donovan was it in england yeah he was

the answer to bob dylan that's right and man donovan's had some great albums and some great

singles it's a beautiful production yeah atlantis you've named the worst how did you do it ken

how do you do it it's like it's like a magic trick you can name the worst cut if someone's

long career it's like a

you'd be like hey this is a lovely trick

to do that yeah really nice hi donovan how are you doing he's here at fmu were you in a bite-sized idea Mary

water party trip donovan was here at fmu he was not he was

we can do that is there anyone in the cast related to sting uh as a matter of fact there is get out

of town who uh the lead the lead yes go on the lead yes go on the lead yes go on finish the

sentence yes the lead yes a lead actress yes actress is she related to sting yes has a blood

relation to sting i'm there next week we're live they're doing a show about a disc jockey or what

yeah she might be kind of busy is it a failed she'll no there's time between takes she's the

lead is it about a failed radio station a radio station with vultures circling overhead no radio

station that mishandled some uh funds radio station where the state where the station manager

has been

indicted misappropriation of funds maybe you should be the script doctor yeah oh baby oh baby

i've got some stories to share next week with the with the director uh hey we'll talk to the cast

right yep they're not going to pass the chance to promote their little movie their little indie

movie no probably not we'll give them some indie cred yeah what's the name of the movie uh i believe

it's going to be called almost grace i love that name yeah and our own matt uh our

dj matt yes matt's in it matt has a line or two or three three lines hey maybe we'll be here and

we'll witness uh matt's uh shot at stardom yeah oh that'll be great what a great show next week

we should talk to the director beforehand oh matt you're a little early oh yeah matt look at the

clock no uh matt matt what's going on i believe matt's right on time no matt matt if matt's here

it means matt don't eat into my time matt

i'm gonna put this cd on i have 15 minutes here he's preparing early that's all not not a problem

thank you matt i appreciate appreciate how ahead of the game you are here should we take should we

take one more i don't care hi you're on the air quick what's your dynamic duo uh deep purple

versus neil young well too easy too easy sorry no it's very close really oh oh i see our listeners

have the have the chance to look it up yeah they can look it up

okay but very close tells me everything too if you let me bet neil young i'll put everything in

the world on it if you let me bet neil no it's clearly neil young oh fine yeah i don't know how

i don't know how it could possibly be so close oh well okay i guess you're talking about you're

talking 37 plays away 37 within each the top one is 2202 wow that is a lot 2065 wow well i would

say it's neil young but now i'm now i'm curious

yeah because before i began holding up signs during his live shows he was very popular

i'm the giant killer how could there be that many plays for deep purple

oh exactly ken exactly listeners have been wondering that exact question for years

ken listeners have been listening to your station in complete bafflement

for years oh i he's cheating okay

i knew i knew there was some trick what tell me uh the robot on the rock and soul stream owl sun

has uh plays deep purple constantly yeah in a loop keeps playing deep purple in a loop yeah

oh all right that is cheating cheater it's a play cheater it's a robot doesn't count

cheater hey if any robots are listening i think you count cheater cheater hey we'll be here live

with the film crew next week right they're shooting their fmu movie almost

grace yeah yeah almost starring sting but not quite yeah one generation away from stink yeah if

the director's listening we'll have him called ken nick nick the director i'll let nick know yeah we

got to call talk to him before yeah we'll promote the hell out of that little movie of his are you

gonna fix the clock now no no that's my little practical joke it's called a prank you've been

pranked ken you've been played you pranked me by prank not just you every dj that comes in this

room for the next week you're gonna be pranked you're gonna be pranked you're gonna be pranked

well they've been pranked because you that'll teach him a lesson okay you play with fire you

get burned thank you jeremiah yeah thank you jeremiah thank you kenzo for such a great

music database this is wfmu east orange wmfu mount hope in new york city and rockland county

at 91.9 fm and online at wfmu.org stay tuned for weekly world blues with matt

beth

there's a man who leads the life of the singers

and everyone he meets he says the singer

oh with every move

he makes another chance he takes

our dog ken won't live to see

the point

come on

shut up

And this is the sound of the blues scale.

The blues scale is very simple, very useful, but also very simple to build.

All you have to do is know your minor pentatonic scales.

So in this case I was playing A.

. . .

The blues come so many different ways until it's kind of hard to explain.

. . .

Come on and be my little old woman

You can have them all

Oh, the big star falling

Baby, it ain't long today

Oh, sugar

Oh, the big star falling

Baby, it ain't long today

Oh, that one that I'm loving

Drive my good old way

Oh, that good dollar

Just take me where

I want to go

Oh, sugar

Oh, that good dollar

Just take me where I want to go

Baby, it ain't long today

Oh, the big star falling

Oh, baby, it ain't long today

Well, the wind won't rise

Oh, sugar

My good old way

Well, the wind won't rise

Oh, my good old way

Oh, the good dollar

Oh, the big star falling

Yeah, it ain't long today

Oh, the big star falling

Well, I was gone, gone to the army.

I was gone a great long time.

Well, when I come back home, my baby still says she was mine.

She still says she was mine.

She was all right, she was all right.

Well, I give her, give her all of my money.

Tell me, what more can I do?

Well, I really don't believe she gone.

She gone give it to you.

She's all right, she's all right.

Well, I went, went to the church house.

And I kneeled on my knees to pray.

I got to thinking about that girl.

She drove my, she drove my spirit away.

She drove my spirit away.

Let the poor boy praise

Get on the ride, get on the ride

Get on the ride