Astrological Desire Styles: Talking Pleasure with The AstroTwins

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You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you

prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation

around sex. Today's episode is all about a topic that's a little bit controversial,

sometimes even more than sex. We're talking about astrology. I know, before you're like,

I don't know about astrology. Let me tell you, there is some serious wisdom and science to the

snapshot of the time that you were born, and these women have been doing it for 30 years.

Ophie and Tali, they founded AstroStyle, astrologers for Elle magazine, and these

identical twins have revolutionized the way we understand astrology.

Through their best-selling books like Love Zodiac, Momstrology, their annual horoscope guides,

they've brought astrology to the millions, and their latest book, The Astrology Advantage,

introduces their I Am Method. You can learn more about them at astrostyle.com,

and you've got to take their quiz right now to help you with this entire episode

to discover your I Am archetype. The Astrology Advantage unpacks their amazing system. It's

a cosmic personality test that combines astrology, Myers-Bruss, and astrophysics.

Astrology Advantage unpacks their amazing system. It's a cosmic personality test that combines astrology, Miles-Bruss, and astrophysics.

Briggs and the Enneagram. And in this episode, she reads my chart using her own innovative framework

to see how the stars align with my career, my sex life, my desires, and then where I fall in

their system. And when you download, when you check out their system, you'll be able to follow

along. We all really have a unique code and Ofi will walk us through how to discover it. So you

can use these tools to have an incredible life and sex life. Please rate and review Sex with Emily

wherever you listen to the show. It helps get the show out to more people and it just takes you a

few seconds to do it. You can just do it right now. Look at your phone, look at your app that

you're listening to this on and review us. We so appreciate it. You can also find me on Instagram,

YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook, all the places. It's all at Sex with Emily. And check

out my new articles, How to Have Vigorous Sex the Right Way and Does Sleeping Apart Help Your Sex

Life? Are both up on sexwithemily.com. Before we get into the episode, I'm so excited to announce

my new membership community coming September.

It is called Smart SX and this is the membership that you have been waiting for to take your sex

life to the next level. I'm going to be there with you every step of the way, coaching you,

helping you, you know, after 20 years of doing this one-way conversation with you. I want to

work with you together and bring in some leading experts and help you build a community. These are

your people that are going to help you have the sex life and the relationships that you've been

craving. Check it out on my website, sexwithemily.com and click the membership tab. All right,

everyone, enjoy this episode.

One of my biggest missions as a sex educator is to make sex less taboo. And I believe that talking

about sex should be as casual and easy as asking what's for dinner. One of the best ways to do this

is by talking about it with trusted friends or loved ones to compare experiences, get advice,

even laugh about it because, you know, sex is funny. It is important to find a community to

talk about sex with. And that's why I'm so excited to create the Smart SX membership program. This

is an open forum to invite conversation between different curious and open-minded individuals

across the world. And every week, there's going to be questions to contribute to. You can share

your own experiences while commenting on others and overall, just have a deeper feeling that you

are not alone. Listen, we're all in this together and we're all just trying to have the most

pleasurable sex and relationships as we possibly can. In addition to this welcoming community,

the membership will include live coaching sessions, exclusive access to the best experts in

the business, and a lot more. So, if you're interested in this, please subscribe to my

weekly polls and quizzes and just so much more. So, please join me in being a founding member of

Smart SX. Head over to sexwithemily.com slash membership to join the membership waitlist.

That's sexwithemily.com slash membership or just text the word SX. That's the letter S

and the letter X to 323-309-4757. And I'll send you updates via text. We're starting a pleasure

revolution and you're invited. See you there.

Thank you for doing this. And it was so nice to meet you in person.

Oh my God.

We had that instant connection. We both went to University of Michigan,

grew up blocks away, miles away from each other.

Very few miles.

I know, right? Very few miles. And when you mentioned the astrology advantage,

you had me hooked at lunch. I'm very lucky that I got like a sneak peek into the book

and the philosophy of it. And it made me feel like I was in the right place. I was in the right place.

I was in the right place. I was in the right place. I was in the right place. I was in the right place.

It made me think we love, we all love different modes to understand ourself, right? We're obsessed

with personality tests and like the Enneagram and Myers-Briggs and CliftonStrengths was a friend

just had me take. And so what I love is that you make astrology so easy to understand. And so I

appreciate that. I think even by reading your book, the astrology advantage and your new system,

which we're going to get into the IM system. I love that.

Can you call it your personal instruction manual? Because I'm always telling people,

you read an owner's manual for our body. So we know what we like and I'm always getting people

to do that. But this instruction manual for your life, that's just laid out in the cosmos. Just,

I love it. Using astrology as an instruction manual for our life. So I love all of that.

I'm going to admit that I was very skeptical about astrology for a long time. Can you just

give us a quick, why this isn't just some fluffy woo-woo thing?

So basically the birth chart is a snapshot of the sky overhead at your time of birth. So it's like

if you looked up, took a freeze frame of the planets as they were arranged overhead with you,

then you would see, oh, okay, it forms a pattern. And that tells you your strengths, your challenges,

much like a personality test does, but mapped to the sky. It sounds crazy,

but when my college boyfriend, also back at U of F, did this for me, he got me this 30-page report

and I was like, this is undeniably true about me. So I guess we come with a cosmic code that we

don't know about. Right. That's it. It's a cosmic code and we want everyone to know about it so we

can help them with a lot of areas that they're struggling, whether it's work, place, love,

just relationship dynamics with everyone, your family, right?

Absolutely.

Maybe you could just first start out by explaining to us this new, the IAM system.

Well, the IAM system is like the short code for astrology. So a lot of people nowadays have done

their astrology charts already. They've used apps or whatever, and they're like, oh, that's

interesting. And now I've promptly forgotten everything that I've just read or learned.

So-

Right.

We, you know, my sister and I have been like working with entrepreneurs and high-performing

people and they just don't have the hard drive space in their brain. They don't have time to

remember an entire new hieroglyphic vocabulary of astrology. So we worked with something called

the chart dominance in the chart where it takes like your whole birth chart and crunches it into

one of three archetypes, innovator, authority, and maven. And-

Right.

From there, you can determine like what, what your mode and way of working with life is.

So let's get into those, these three, these three archetypes that we break it down into

in this book, in the IAM.

Yeah. So a lot of people have heard about the elements, the fire, earth, air, and water signs.

That's one way that the zodiac, the 12 zodiac signs are subgrouped, but there's another way

that are called the qualities or modalities.

And that's what we tapped into, because those are kind of the behavior triggers and psychological

drivers and motivations and the impact. Like, you know, a lot of people use astrology,

when will I find love or when will that, but it's not only about that. It's also like,

what is, what is under the hood of you that makes you respond to things the way you do?

And what do you need to feel this equilibrium in the world, in a relationship,

in the bedroom in life forever in your body so that's what you can find in the qualities and

modalities they have astro jargony names that we've redefined so the the it's called cardinal

fixed and mutable but the cardinal signs are the four signs that start every season aries

cancer libra and capricorn and we've renamed those the innovators because they're the starters the

trailblazers and uh the pioneers who are always kind of ahead of the curve and then there are the

authorities or the fixed signs taurus leo scorpio and aquarius and they're in the middle of the

season so they kind of take what the innovators start and fashion it into something that the

producers the project managers the experts the ones who you know put in those 10 000 hours to

master something and then there are the mavens who are

the communicators and the marketers those are the four mutable signs gemini virgo sagittarius and

pisces and they are the finishers of the season so they polish everything up and serve it up to

the people how do we use this to either find someone we could start with that to find someone

yeah and then what if we're with somebody that isn't compatible like is there some signs that

are some of these that shouldn't be together no i think everyone can be together i believe that any

people if they love each other can make it work i'm with you yeah but you need to kind of know the

person's operating system like you cannot install mac software on an android platform or a windows

platform without a little extra at least you know little little it support there so you got to know

who you're dealing with you got to know what you're signing up for and then i would i guess

this is just true no matter what preferences come up with you know you've got to know who you're

like you got to be like are you willing to meet me halfway you know if you're a maven and you're

extra talky or flirty and i'm an authority and i see you're flirting with other people as

a signal disrespect instead of something that you actually going to bring home to the boudoir and

you know we're going to both enjoy the bounty of that this is a helpful negotiation tool it's a

framework to give you something to start with and i think that's a really good way to start with

i have been joking that i think you know like we have 70 plus pronouns for gender why why don't we

have those for relationships too i mean maybe we do but not enough not enough and innovators are

like we have a secondary name innovators are the idealists sometimes i call them the independents

too authorities the attachers and mavens the mirrors innovators should not always live with

partners but we have like well you've now reached this point on the linear timeline you should move

in together and get mad and the minute an innovator does that like that sexy mystery innovators are all

about discovery so when you kill the discovery channel which is like when someone's a little bit

mysterious or a whole lot it like it can really kill the attraction but there is no real cultural

space to do that so i think it's a really good way to start with and i think that's a really good

place for innovators to be like i want to have a companion but not live with them ever or you know

have a third space that we share or something like that what about the authority you call the

attacher yeah so they do want that kind of secure attachment at a certain point they because they

just they get exhausted by too many changes even if you are in a living apart together as an

authority it's like that's just what you're doing authorities are more literal loyal they're

like innovators are about the future authorities the past they want to build a legacy they want you

know even if you do it your own way it's still like these are the agreements and the rules and

the expectations and the ground rules and the boundaries and so everything is more defined

for authorities and that's what allows you to relax and be more free and open what about the

mavens the mavens are just talk talk talk all about communication like you know they want to talk about

what they're going to do what they're doing while they're doing it what you just did when you finish

doing it mirrors so just like and um you know you got to be into that and touch and explore and

experiment mavens rule the present they're touchy they're exploring they're curious they're they're

everything how do they pursue their sex life so you get you know you get this one size fits all

advice for like well you need to talk in the bed you know like and you know that some people like

people don't are there any signs that are more kinkier or explorative or experimental i i would say

like how would an innovator be kinky how would an authority and how would it yeah you know the

the innovator would just like it would just probably just happen like oh i never thought

i was going to do that and all of a sudden i'm having a threesome you know like and then a maven

would be like have some elaborate i always wanted to try kind of this an authority that would be

like an entire historical period

costume like elaborate scene that would be planned probably for that okay how do you know

which areas to lean into and which ones to pull back on if it's all evenly split well i think i

think for you and for the the people that have a more even split like you could you can play in

the different one you can be like which one do i want to lean into now like i think you should

always know like at the end of the day you are an authority so you will probably like

after a certain point want to know where something's going right yeah you're not gonna

leave it open-ended forever or be with someone who's like in an ambiguous kind of like not quite

divorced sort of setup like that wouldn't be your jam for more than like you might play with that on

a vacation as an innovator or a maven but when you're really looking to but you would you would

probably need a person who knows how to

be traditional but also freaky couples could just take this for free tonight and they you actually

spell it out for people how they could work together right in your book absolutely and i

think it makes it more fun i mean like okay this is how we are right it gives them a little bit

more roadmap and if you don't like something or you're not because i think sometimes people get

shamed for not being experimental enough in some cases you know that that happens too like oh i

should be more all the time well honestly i wish i knew this 20 years ago because

all the time my partner wants to be more explorative or kinkier what do i do i get these

every day and i should just be like well you could start by figuring out your charts you could start

by figuring out the i am method right because in a way that's just who they are but so much

relationship is like is is just doing this deeper work of compromise and understanding you know

maybe you're not as explorative but sometimes you could be then they could give you what you want

right but a lot of times the people say i'm just not that and i always say okay but if you're not

are you right or maybe they maybe they just hear the word exploratory or kinky and a whole world of

associations opens up that's it isn't even accurate like it's like you know like oh i'm

supposed to change my nature and be that way like no actually like exploring could just mean like

changing a location or something like they don't even know what the options are because we just

full stop shut down because we hear something like i'm gonna fail at that i'm not gonna be

at that they're gonna i'm gonna be someone's you know story over drinks with her girlfriends or

guy talk and everyone's gonna know what i was like and i'm gonna be humiliated for not so i'm

only gonna play in the safe zone okay so maybe we should walk through my chart then so through i am

and see how it plays out in my chart and see how it plays out in my chart and see how it plays out

in my chart so everyone listening can understand how they could they can interpret theirs there's

13 points in the system so you're for you for our innovator five our authority and four our maven so

you're one of the people that are a little more balanced when we do this extended chart where we

add the elements in that we call the im diagram you are the earth authority the provider so in

your spread of these things you are

fire six earth three air and four water i gotta get more fire right what does that mean so it so

fire means kind of like action oriented and motivated sometimes if you have none you'll like

actually overcompensate and be the person that takes all the risks and you know lights the match

first and but like you know accidentally starts a wildfire the minute they light a match so it's

like you may not have a whole lot of time to do that but you're a person that takes all the risks

but if you're low or don't have any fire it can you you probably do need a team to keep you

moving ahead and burning right that's it that's what the team's all about you feel more confident

doing that when you have people behind you the heavy earth you're a provider so earth is like

the material resources um you really like security stability and you have a long running show here

like you like to find something you like to find something you like to find something you like to

become a master of it that's also very authority-ish three air so like kind of in the

middle uh air is spreading the message it's a little bit lower but you have a marketing director

for that and then four water which is decently high and that makes you empathic and creative

so i would say that you would prefer to be in a setting where you can just you know take your

expertise empathically share it with people you don't have to be the person running around

fire also likes to run around and do all the things like you're like oh thank you you're not

the you're not the producer here of your own show i am not that and terrible job for me

terrible job but like if you sit down just tune in you start to channel and like really connect

with people so you're doing everything as you should um and then in the i am you're for

innovator five authority and four maven so your highest authority meaning

that you're if you had to you know draw a straw between like starting a whole new venture which

would be innovator marketing the venture which would be maven or being the expert and having

everybody else do that other stuff that's authority you would take being the expert

so does that track for you that does track for me that took me a long time in my career to get here

you know i'm heading into my 20th year of doing this podcast and at the beginning of a startup

exactly

but at any you know it took me a long time of doing everything and thinking i should be able

to do it all but it's not until i really realized that i could have a team that supports me in really

every other area so i could be the best authority that i could be and help people that's really what

i love doing empathically sharing connecting to people and everything else is just not my jam as

much so that completely resonates you are yeah and imagine if you would have this calculator

in that 20-year journey

and you realize that about yourself sooner so that's my real goal and i was gonna say i wish i

had 20 years ago this will really give people yeah permission probably to lean into what they

already know or what have you said absolutely permission and like people are really carrying

around a lot of shame and feeling like you know they're hiding like oh god i i am like we joke

about the maven mess uh mavens have piles of things but they have a method to their madness

But they're shamed for not having the perfect, you know, wicker basket system a la Martha Stewart living in the early aughts or whatever.

Like we still have these standards that people are quietly expected to live up, whether we impose it on ourselves or just it's just what we see.

And people don't operate that way.

They don't fit into these little boxes.

But there's a part of us that thinks that we're supposed to.

So when you do this and you get that cosmic permission to be who you are, again, it doesn't mean you're like, well, maybe it's not like, well, I'm a maven.

I'm just going to make bigger messes.

You're going to be like, okay, that is a tendency.

I'm going to take the shame out of it and maybe find a way of like not being as messy because it's not serving my highest goals.

That's a different place to come.

Yeah, it is.

But I love the shame part of it because I have to say why this gives me such a sigh of relief is that I have held a lot of shame.

I have a lot of shame around not being able to do things that seemingly should be easy for me, like the organization, the planning.

I think, again, it's a sigh of relief to say, okay, this is like, well, I can't really change this, right?

You can't.

You can change it in a way that you can change it over time through learning, but not like changing your wiring.

And also, like, there are better questions you can ask yourself besides can I change this?

For example, like, why am I procrastinating?

You know, getting curious.

I'm an innovator, so I'm always thinking about these kinds of things.

Like, well, why would an authority procrastinate?

Authorities really do best when they stay in the lane they're in.

Like, it doesn't mean you can't drive in multiple lanes, but you're not a lane crosser when you're doing something.

So you're probably what's underneath the procrastination is like you don't feel prepared.

You don't give enough research or data because authorities, their credibility is everything in order to maintain the role.

Maven might procrastinate because they need to talk about it.

Mavens are very interactive, and they need, like, you know, a brainstorming session.

So, like, instead of, like, fighting what's happening within you, go like, ah, why?

This is make it right instead of making it wrong, and then you have these tools to use.

So much of life is about how do you improve yourself?

How do you work on your weaknesses to turn them into strengths?

And this is more like this is who you are.

This is your cosmic roadmap.

This is your personality.

Really go toward your strengths.

Would you say that's your philosophy?

Absolutely know your strengths and always have them.

But sometimes, like, for example, you're eight Maven marketing director, right?

Like, sometimes that's too much of a good thing.

So we in the book have a part that we jokingly call Astro Ayurveda, where it's like balance out.

If you know that you're really high or really low, you might consciously then.

Add what you don't have or OK, if you're really high Maven, you might be really full on.

Everything is the biggest deal, the most epic thing ever.

And then you're like, all right, not everybody can really gel with that.

So it might be one of those things where, like, maybe I need to dial that down for that person who's super high authority.

And I also love that you started the that you talked about the shame thing, because we are launching this this membership.

And it's a membership for people to it's a community of people to come and talk about what's holding them back sexually, how to communicate about their needs and how to really, like I said, build their own sexual dating owner's manual.

And it's called Smart SX.

And I know you're also going to be doing some stuff for that today.

But I just love this because this is like another tool.

And then there's like a community aspect where people are going to.

You actually find a community of people that can help them and safety because it helps with the shame.

Right. Like the antidote to shame is like speaking your truth.

Right. I want to ask also, what about the gender differences with the I am system?

Like, are there do certain genders experience it differently?

Does that matter?

I think that, you know, you know, it's all a spectrum and continuum.

I certainly don't need to tell you that.

But I think that the things we've learned or inherited.

Learning from gender roles and cultural ones will intersect with this, you know, like a male authority might express authority nests in, you know, in a way that a male conditioning would have them if they're not conscious about.

Yeah, they're not conscious that they're doing that.

They might be like, well, I know better, you know, like if I want to get a little personal here, which I might.

I had my I had my partner.

Sort of an ex, but we're still share some things together, figuring it out.

But I am an authority, as we know.

And my ex is an authority.

And I can't remember what else we found.

OK, so this special friend of yours is only has one water planet, which is one of the ones you're high in.

He has five.

He has five air, which is one of the ones you're low in.

And he's two, six, five.

So he's also low.

He's lower on innovator, higher on maven.

And he's he's an authority, but he's pretty close authority and maven.

But low on water is like not as empathic, maybe thin skinned and oversensitive at times and that insensitive at other times.

Or just like, you know, the water.

You're just maybe not ever fully emotionally gelling, right?

Yeah.

And yet you're both authorities.

So it's like the bird in the hand or the devil, you know, is sometimes a good one to hook up with.

What are some great case studies that you could tell me about, about how companies or relationships have shifted?

Maybe relationships if you work with couples.

What are some ways couples use this information to really reinvigorate their relationship?

Well, what's happening with couples these days?

It's just that both partners usually have very full lives, schedules, existing communities.

They maybe have kids from other people.

They're just, you know, they are these.

It's not like one plus one equals two anymore.

It's one plus one equals three or zero.

So it's like if you're not making each other's lives amplified and better, then it's almost like, why?

Why am I doing this?

So like relationships, I say, are going through a giant iOS update right now.

And their function and purpose is unclear.

It's certainly not what it was back in the day.

We needed each other for survival.

We're in, I believe we're in the age of Aquarius, which is about choice, not like survival.

So it's harder to find.

Just like it's harder.

Just like we expect everything customized to us.

Unfortunately, we're expecting other people to customize themselves to our preferences.

And we forget that it's not Grubhub.

It's another person.

I wish it was Grubhub.

I wish we could just order it out.

I wish.

I know.

But that's a great point, what you're saying, because I've run into that too in my own relationships that I've said,

one plus one has to equal three these days.

We have to be compatible in work, life, play.

We have to be compatible.

How do all we bring stuff to the table to amplify?

We had a reality dating show on Amazon Prime called Cosmic Love a couple of years ago.

And we had a cast of 20 people, four main characters that each had four matches.

And we had to match them up astrologically.

And one of the weeks we did the composite chart.

And that was the week that blew a lot of their minds because, you know, they were so like, I'm an Aquarius.

She's a Libra, blah, blah, blah.

Are we?

But then it's like, oh, this is what you come together as.

And it really shifted people.

Oh, together we're a Taurus.

We are here to do this.

I think it gives people.

See, we almost need an artifice.

I don't want to call it artificial, but a self-generated focus.

Like we used to come together back in the day for a family, for legacy, for this.

There was a reason that people put up with the hell of other people, right?

Sometimes.

Sometimes for a common goal.

So when you do the composite chart, you get that common goal.

Oh, we're here to build this.

It's really inspiring.

I could see that being very inspiring people and sort of a reminder of why they came together in the first place.

Yeah, because it's so easy to forget now.

Yeah.

It's like a business plan or a cosmic plan for your relationship.

But what do you see in astrology right now as the future of marriage and partnership, according to astrology?

I love that.

It's going on.

We have to realize it's not what it was anymore.

I mean, there's what, a 70% divorce?

Like we have to realize that there are higher odds in our favor of so many other things than marriage.

It's like we, you know, we have to look at it as a choice and have to also understand that we are evolving so quickly.

Our consciousnesses, our preferences, our society, like to think that you're going to be able to stay in sync with someone.

When your life, like you can be a new person when you wake up tomorrow and reinvent yourself.

So we have to understand that we're not playing on the same ball field here anymore, but people do need each other and we have to just be, be willing to try new tools.

What we're looking for is still sort of based in the past paradigm, but now we're seeing that we, we really need more.

And so are different things, different kinds of partners.

Some people are looking for that.

A lot of them are authorities or mavens and want to compete, but even the ones that are, it's like wanting it and keeping it going are still two like worlds apart.

So what your work can do is really help people keep it.

Even if they do.

Your honeymoon is going to end and it's going to end a lot faster than you think.

We all have choices.

Yeah.

And we can all make it work for us if we give ourselves permission to actually do the work and explore.

I think that's a really important part of this.

I'm always saying it's not one size fits all.

That's a lot of what our membership is about as well.

Our Smartest Ex membership will be a lot about giving people permission to explore and figure out what kind of relationship they want, what kind of sex life they want.

Because a lot of times we don't feel like we have permission, right?

We don't even know what's available.

People don't even know that such a roadmap could exist or is possible for them.

Like, whoa, I have these choices.

I could.

They're so affordable.

We're afraid of sex.

We're afraid of astrology or spirit, any deeper exploration beyond just, like, the face they show the world.

But it's like you're just, like, denying yourself all these options.

So true.

I was thinking about how astrology and sex are so taboo in many ways and very misunderstood, but yet they can really deepen the richness of our lives so much if we really understand it, right?

I was thinking that when I was reading your book.

I was like, oh, I'm always spending a lot of time trying to tell people initially, too.

Like, no.

Sex can be, it's not just what you think.

It's not just penetration.

It's connections, intimacy.

Hear me out.

Like, it could be different than what you told me.

Sun signs, penetration.

Yes.

All the things.

There's just so much more to it.

And I just want people to, yeah, feel safe and know we can explore and life can get a lot, lot better from here for sure.

Oh, my God.

I love that so much.

I love that all of your work and all of your dozens of books.

How many have you written now?

21.

Going on 22.

Oh, my God.

Well, congratulations on all this.

I just, I just love the work that you and your sister are doing.

You have so much wisdom and you really are doing such an incredible service, whether people are looking for a partner to increase their productivity or have more, more love in their life, less conflict.

So everybody has to get your book.

It's out now, The Astrology Advantage, and you can follow the astral trends to discover your inner innovator or authority or maven and hear them on our membership, too.

Smart.

SX.

We're doing a special, a special session with you and that's going to be, the membership comes out on September 10th, right when this is released.

Ah, perfect.

I know.

Anything else we can know about you or where to follow you?

Yeah.

Follow us on Instagram at astrotwins.

Come do your I am archetype at astrostyle.com slash I am.

Get the book, read all about it, but come and share what, which one you are.

Thank you for being here.

So appreciate you, Elfie.

Thank you.

That's it for today's episode.

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