The Redemption Story - Episode 224: Opening Up About Grief

What was once a cornfield now sets a sprawling campus known as Redemption Christian Church.

In small-town rural southern Indiana 23 years ago, an upstart church began with a handful of people,

and God has grown it to an impactful church of more than 2,000 with campuses in three towns.

How did this happen?

What did God use to not just make a church grow, but create a movement of Christ followers

who are brought into the mission of loving God, loving people, and changing the world?

This is The Redemption Story, a series of programs in association with Redemption Christian Church

and the Kavanaugh-Smith Company that attempts to tell a bit of the story of what God has done

and is doing at and through Redemption Christian Church.

Well, Darrell, when we started The Redemption Story, one of the things you basically put your heart out there was

that we wanted to bring people of the church within the story,

and today we're joined by a very special guest, Coach Gene Mattingly.

Coach, thank you for joining us.

My pleasure.

Darrell, Coach has been heavily involved with the church and does a lot of things,

but talk a little bit about the value of the people of Redemption.

Yeah, I mean, I've always said it's about the people, really, the relationships.

I had lunch with a pastor, or breakfast with a pastor this morning,

and we were just talking about the key to relationships,

and then the manager of the place we were at was talking about it.

It's like, I've always been in the relationship business.

Like, yeah, that's it. It's a relationship.

And so the church people have always been, you know, center to what we do.

It's never...

been supposed to be about the leaders or the staff, but about God and His people.

And so just to picture that as we...

I don't know how many years ago it was, but we had this Bible study at 11 o'clock on Tuesdays,

and somebody said, hey, could I bring my friend Gene?

I had never met Gene.

Knew a little bit of Gene's story, and said, sure, bring him on.

We'll take Southridge people, too.

Not discrimination.

So he came, and I don't know, we became really good friends right off the bat.

And then the key was him and his wife met with me once.

We did some, you know, talking about the situations they were going through,

and then at that point, they became redemption people, and I've never looked back.

And Gene's part of this Bible study, serving here on our...

helps with our finance team.

He probably don't want me to say that on camera, but he helps with that.

Yeah, they kind of...

help audit and give advice to our financial director,

which then comes back to us about what to do about things,

and now involved with leading a grief share, facilitating that grief share.

And he and his wife both serve in our pre-teen ministry on Sunday mornings,

so they really are a glutton for punishment to serve with that.

No, that's a great age group to work with on Sunday mornings.

So anyway, just involved in a lot of different aspects.

Coach, you...

I personally have got to know you the past couple years.

Daryl invited me to the Tuesday morning piece.

You're just a standout individual, best of the best in my book,

and the way you represent our Father God is just simply the message

that redemption resonates in our communities and beyond with.

Talk a little bit about your introduction to redemption and your story from there.

Thank you for the kind words, both of you.

Primarily, it's...

You know, I'll kind of piggyback off what Daryl had mentioned.

It was not too long after my wife and I lost...

We lost Lexi, which was our...

Oldest daughter, middle child.

And the friend had reached out to me and kind of sent me a text and said,

Hey, I know you're not doing anything.

You're just laying in bed.

Get your butt up.

Meet me at the Ferdinand Library at 11.

And I'm like, No, I don't want to.

He was like, No, if you don't meet me there, I'm going to come get you.

So finally, you know, he coerced me, if you will.

And so that's where we met Daryl and I met Daryl

and then kind of explained kind of what we were going through as a family

and the circumstances of losing.

And really, we had a wonderful church family.

And my wife had grown up in this church.

And our kids, you know, had all gone through, you know,

they had gone through all the Bible schools and confirmation classes.

But after we had the funeral there, we just couldn't go back.

We tried for months, really, several Sundays to go back.

And just not...

We just couldn't.

We couldn't get through a Sunday service without just the emotional breakdown.

And so we were talking with Daryl about that.

And he was like, Hey, I got a solution.

It may not be one you're looking for, but I got a solution for you.

And he said, You know, you come into this entrance, and I'll put a cone out,

and you wait until this time, and you park here, and you sneak up the back,

and you sit in the balcony, and nobody will know who you are,

and the lights will be down.

And you won't have to have a lot of interaction because my wife wasn't quite ready for that yet.

And he said, Okay, when this song comes on, then you can kind of ease out the back door,

and you can kind of get back into being able to worship in a corporate worship, not just at home.

And so we did that for, I don't know, maybe four weeks.

And then my wife, we get ready to kind of sneak out.

And my wife kind of said, You know...

No, we're going to stay till the end.

And I was like, Are you sure?

And she was like, Yeah.

And so we stayed through the final service, the final song,

and then instead of sneaking out the back door where nobody could see us,

we walked down the main staircase into the lobby.

And I guess we've been partners ever since.

And we want to give back, and we want to honor God with how we live and what we do.

And, you know, the Grief Share program's a part of that.

We were fortunate enough as a family, Tracy and I went through that.

And so we kind of know what the program's about and how it's structured and how much help it is.

And so we're super excited to be involved in that and be trying to give back.

I think, I don't know exactly the verse, but it talks about, you know,

we're to comfort others as we have been comforted.

And I think that's a huge part of what redemption,

story is about, you know, loving God and loving people.

And it's just an additional outreach and ministry that we're, you know, we're involved in.

I wouldn't say we're happy to be involved in.

I mean, it's the circumstances are what they are.

And we don't understand the why to that, but, you know, one day we will.

And if we can help others through that process and down that journey, we're happy to do that.

Yeah, it's funny you say that.

Yeah.

We're not happy about being involved in one of the prayer groups I meet with on Tuesday mornings at 630,

get a group of guys, and I told them that we were oversold for the grief share.

And they're like, you know, it's interesting because you're not excited that you have to have that many people,

but you're excited that you get the opportunity to maybe potentially help that many people take that next,

get through that next stage of grief.

Because it really is stages and not in an order like we often think it is.

It's all over the map.

And so anyway, we're excited about that and excited to have you guys be a part of it.

And really, honestly, I think you said this is part of the redemption way, the story.

And that's the real heart.

Like God is using all of our story and everything good, bad, and ugly that we go through to help form us,

and make us into what he desires for us to be.

How have what you've been through, not asking you to dive in the deep details,

but how has what you and Tracy would have been through helped?

How has God used that in a way to do different things with you to help others, to grow your faith, all those kind of things?

Yeah.

And quite honestly, you know, all of those things, you know, over the last seven years, you know,

in a situation like that where you really just, you know, you're just stripped down to nothing, really, you know,

from an emotional perspective, and all you have is your faith.

And I think a lot of times that's how God wants us, right?

He wants us to be so reliant and so dependent upon him.

And then he's freely giving, you know, what we need.

And I think from that perspective, he's continued to...

To show us, one, opportunities, to show us comfort and peace and strength, really,

when you don't really know how you're gonna get out of bed because a part of you is gone from this world.

And the rest of the world's just going on.

And it has to, right?

I mean, it has since the beginning of time.

And so he's really just...

He's really shown us his power, both from a healing and a comfort...

But a strength to be able to move on.

And, you know, we've been very fortunate enough, both Tracy and I, and even our kids at this point,

Peyton and Ella, to be involved in the church and be involved in Emmaus.

And really, you know, the songs that talk about, you know, our mess in a message and our pain into progress

and all of those things, it's really played out that way.

Not by our own.

More of our own submission than anything else.

Yeah, that's it.

Just submit to what he's doing.

And, yeah, it's good.

It's good.

Coach, you talk about what the Grief Share Program just recently have started up in that aspect.

You share, you know, with what you and your wife went through in the Grief Share Program.

Talk a bit, not so much directly your direct experience, but for someone coming in and just starting out.

And Daryl said it very well, I think.

It's not really an organized outline like you're writing a thesis.

It's just all over the place.

Talk a little bit about when you first knew, hey, this is helping me.

Oh, yeah.

You're so right.

You know, grief is chaotic, and it's not linear.

We like to describe it as it's like standing, watching the waves come in and the tide.

Early on, you're waist deep, and the waves come over you, and you can barely breathe.

And as you go through the journey.

And as you learn more, you just get through it.

It's like the waves still come.

You're just moving further and further up the shore.

So it doesn't, it may come over your head, but it's for a little bit instead of for a long time.

And so, and I think the journey itself, that never ends.

But as far as when we began being able to talk about and tell our story and really be open and vulnerable with our emotions,

and not be so self-conscious about how we were feeling,

because a lot of times people, you know, they don't know how, you know, am I going crazy?

And, you know, am I supposed to feel this?

And why does this, why is it like this?

And so part of the program, which is why I was so excited for Redemption to offer it,

was it's individualized sessions and sections.

And some people are in that, and some people just came out of that.

Mm-hmm.

And some people are getting ready to go into that.

And so it's very, it's progression, but it's not a linear progression.

You're moving through phases, and not everybody's at the same phase at the same time.

And I know Tracy and I felt that.

We were in a parallel, you know, we were driving the same direction, but we were never at the same spot.

And so, and I think that was what probably helped us really get through it together is one could help,

the other along while not, and then the other one catches up, and then it's, there's just different, the different phases.

So I'm really excited about that.

And for anyone coming into it, it's really just, you're not, you're not crazy.

You feel what you feel.

There's no feelings that you shouldn't have.

And it's just how do you process that in a healthy way?

And the Grief Share Program does that.

It does that through the lens of the Bible and what God has done for us.

Yeah, and that's so true because if you look at the Bible, you know, I've done the Read Through the Bible in a Year plans and so on and so forth.

If you look at so much of the Old Testament in particular, you know, you got Psalms and even some lamenting, lamentations.

There's a lot of grief and lamenting, and you don't ever see God say,

that's wrong to have that feeling.

It's, He just allows that to happen.

Like God is not, He's God.

He's not threatened by our doubts, by our struggles, by our questions, by our anger towards Him at times,

which I think we have all dealt with on varying levels.

And I can't imagine the level of deep loss that a parent would have.

But I know that it's there.

And so I think that's what I love about a biblical-based program.

It's because it's not just this therapeutic thing.

Those elements are there, but it's like, it's letting, I mean, God created us.

He knows our emotions.

And so just allow us to more naturally go through and work through those things.

And I haven't been through it myself, but I've watched the videos years ago and trying to decide whether we were going to do it.

And it just, it's good stuff, good material.

Of course, the heart of it is not.

What you're seeing on the screen, it's what's happening in the conversations.

And I'm really excited to have Gene and then Lena Wessel as facilitators because they've been there, done that.

And yet neither one of them are the type to say, this is what you got to do here.

This is what you got to, they understand that it's, you know, we're walking with you through this.

So anyway, we're very excited.

I think we're going to see a lot of fruit and healing that comes out of this program.

So.

We appreciate you taking the lead on that.

And the great thing is Coach Madden is coming back with us next week.

We'll pick up and talk more about his redemption story.

Love you, brother.

Love you.

Great job.

Love you, brother.

Thanks for joining us.

Appreciate it.