Zencast 461 - How Are You by Gil Fronsdal

The following talk was given at the Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City, California.

Please visit our website at audiodharma.org.

So, good evening everyone.

Can you hear me okay?

Maybe a little bit low?

A little bit low?

Can you turn up a little?

Let's see, is that better?

Okay, great.

Thank you.

So, one of the pithy little teachings that comes from an Indian vipassana teacher named

Munindra, his teaching was, if it's not simple, it's not vipassana.

If it's not simple, it's not the practice of vipassana.

And I think he felt the need to say that because people would get very complicated very quickly

in trying to meditate, trying to do things and accomplish things and get rid of things.

And it's an easy thing to do because we can give a lot of instruction in our tradition.

I'm just amazed.

How much?

How much of this instruction can be given?

And it's kind of a wonderful thing because there's these wonderful teachers who spent

20, 30, 40 years, more, some of them, exploring their minds, exploring the practice, and all

kinds of different situations of their lives.

And from that comes a big repertoire of how to be mindful in many different situations.

And so they have all these approaches and techniques and things to do.

And,

poor students have to listen to that.

And,

and,

and so it's easy to get some idea of all the stuff to do.

And if you come and take my introduction to meditation class,

you know, I give five weeks of instructions.

It's a lot of instructions.

And,

and,

you know, by the fourth week, some people think,

well, what am I supposed to do now in this situation?

And they wonder and all that.

So it can start seeming kind of complicated.

And,

and,

but if it's not simple, it's not mindfulness.

If it's not simple, it's not vipassana.

So I wanted to offer you, at the risk of more instruction,

I wanted to offer you some way of understanding this practice of,

especially,

especially in meditation and how it applies in daily life.

You have to have some wisdom and understand that.

But start with meditation.

Meditation is a wonderful laboratory.

It's a wonderful domain or area of our life where the rules of behavior,

are different than everyday life.

Because in meditation, for one thing, when you sit down and close your eyes to meditate,

you don't have to cook your dinner or go shopping.

You don't have to solve your taxes.

You don't have to solve your life problems or the world's problems.

You don't have to, you know, you're basically a safe person because you're committed for

the duration of meditation not to move.

And so, it's okay to have murderers.

I mean, where in your life can you have, it's okay to have murderous rage?

Usually, you know, in good society, you're supposed to keep it kind of, you know, polite

society, you don't go around demonstrating your murderous rage.

But in meditation, you can have tremendous upsurges of all kinds of emotions, anger,

greed, grief, sadness, all kinds of things can come.

And so, it's a different kind of, the rules apply.

It's like, you can allow things to happen in meditation that maybe it's not okay to

allow to happen at work, for example.

You know, you don't want to let your boss know you have murderous rage.

You know, that's not a place to allow it, you know, so it's kind of a special place.

And I like to think of it, it's kind of like being, it's a little bit akin to being at

home.

And the, and some people have a sense of being at home as a place where you can, you know,

if you're home and lonely.

It's your house, you can go walk around in your pajamas and your underwear.

You can just kind of, you know, you kind of just be yourself without having to worry about,

you know, being something for somebody.

And so the rules of society don't quite apply when you're at your own house, home alone.

You can just kind of unwind and just kick back and just feel at home and just be in

yourself.

You don't have to prove yourself or anything.

So meditation is a place to be home like that, to be at home with yourself.

So one of the ways to...

In this area of meditation, one of the approaches that can make it simple and I think very interesting

and also a wonderful protection for some of the challenges that can happen in meditation

is to have meditation primarily to be about how you are.

How are you?

I'm fine, thank you.

How are you?

Not about what you're trying to do, not what you're trying to accomplish, not what you're

trying to be.

But just check in, how are you?

And notice, how are you?

Because often in our life, I think human life, it's pretty common for many people to be about

something, to be trying to accomplish something.

You go to work, you have some hobby, you have something you're doing, and so your focus

is on doing the activity.

And the activity may be sometimes it's supposed to do us good, makes us feel good, and so

we feel, you know, the how is we feel good because of doing it.

Or what we're doing is trying to protect ourselves.

It's trying to protect us from feeling bad.

But the focus can be on what we're doing, what we're accomplishing, or what we're being,

who we are.

And meditation is not about who you are, it's not about what you're doing, but it's more

about how you are.

And so put aside, when you sit down to meditate, any attempt to try to do something.

But rather, use meditation as a time to check in, how are you?

How are you with what you're doing?

So how are you?

So you sit down and you find out.

Some people, when they sit down to meditate, it's the first time that they take the time

to check in with themselves, and they're surprised to discover what's there, the emotions there,

the feelings there, the attitudes that are there, the beliefs that are operating.

Because if we're running around being busy, and don't stop, we don't really catch up and

see what's going on.

So how are we?

So it can be any old way.

So we notice how we are.

And then that's fine.

So you notice that you...

I mean, maybe it's something that's going on.

This is an unfortunate example I got stuck in here.

How you are is you're rageful, lots of rage.

So that's what you notice.

And then you can ask again, well, how are you?

How are you with having rage?

I don't like it.

I wish it was different.

I feel justified.

There's a how.

How are you?

How are we relating to that rage?

I want to hide it.

I want to avoid it.

I want to get rid of it.

How is it that I'm using that rage as a mirror to define myself?

I'm a bad person because I have this rage.

I shouldn't be...

So we're not simple.

We have the rage.

And then how are we with the rage?

It gets complicated.

We have an attitude towards it.

So we notice that.

And so what do we do?

Well, then we try to get rid of the rage.

That's a do.

That's a doing.

That's not a how-ing.

And meditation is more about how-ing.

So how are you?

Is there a wise way...

Is there a wise how to be with what's going on?

So maybe the wise way with rage is just to make a lot of room for it.

Not do anything.

Stay really simple.

Make space for it.

And the power of making space, the power of just allowing it to be there, is that it's

not the same as condoning it.

Or letting it have exactly free reign and get involved.

But rather to allow for it is to make space, and in that space you don't get involved.

Just let it be.

So how are you?

It's over and over again.

How are you now?

How are you with this?

Because I think most of the time we are some way.

There's a how we are with what's going on, but we don't pay attention to it.

We don't notice it.

Because we're barreling ahead.

So one example I like to use is like holding onto this striker.

I could use a striker to point.

I could use it as a tool to do something.

I could hold onto it for a status symbol.

Every good meditation teacher should have a good striker.

And I can be holding it.

It has...

Striker how well it's meaning.

All this usefulness and I can focus on it.

But if I ask myself how am I holding it, well then I notice that I'm gripping it really

tight and my knuckles hurt.

And as soon as I see it, that that's how I am, that I'm kind of hurting, then the natural

instinct is to relax.

But if I keep focusing on the status symbol and don't want anybody to take it from me,

or...

I don't want to accomplish something, get your attention, you know, then I don't notice

maybe how I'm holding it.

So the question how, how are you, how are you with this, how are you holding it, reveals

the attitude, the approach, what you're doing.

And when you're seeing how you are, then you can ask yourself the question is this the

best way to be?

Is it best to grip this really tight?

Is it better to just hold it lightly?

Is it better to put it down?

Okay.

So the information you get about yourself by the question how, how are you, how are

you, is the kind of information that's most helpful for finding a direct path to coming

to some ease with the situation.

If what you're trying to do is to get some deep state of concentration or get bliss,

some people try to do meditation, even get really peaceful, if that's the goal and you're

trying to do that, it can be just one more thing that you're doing that blinds you from

how you are.

It's like one more thing you're holding onto, like the striker.

Don't try to do anything.

And one of the wonderful little sayings in meditation, in this kind of wonderful place,

this domain of meditation, is the saying, nothing needs to happen.

Nothing needs to happen.

And for some people that is a radical thing to say.

Because the human mind, for some people, is constantly wanting something to happen.

The idea that nothing needs to happen is frightening for some people.

For some people it's upsetting.

Their whole life's built on always making something happening, wanting something, getting

something.

But does anything need to happen?

And so we ask, nothing needs to happen, but how am I right now?

How am I right now is I'm trying to prove myself.

I'm trying to get something.

I'm trying to be someone.

Is that necessary?

No.

Maybe not.

Maybe I can let go and be simpler.

So this question, how am I, is a protection.

So say that you're going to do a very simple practice of meditating on your breath, being

present for your breathing.

So I've sometimes tried to get involved with breath meditation as a doing, as a thing to

accomplish.

As, you know, I'm going to become a good meditator, I'm going to be the best breath meditator

in town, and really going to focus and really get concentrated.

It's all about this doing.

And in that doing and trying to accomplish something, I lose touch with myself.

I lose touch with the cost, the feeling, what it's like to be trying to do it.

And I've literally gotten headaches.

And I've been meditating a long time, so it's not like a regular thing, but when I was a

new meditator, I would get headaches, I'd get, sometimes like, I did get really angry.

I got usually angry with myself because there was this wonderful thing that the more I tried

to get concentrated, the less I could concentrate.

So my solution was to try harder, and then, you know, so I tried harder, and guess what

that means?

It's even harder, even less likely to get concentrated.

So I just kept chasing this concentration by just trying harder and harder and harder,

and it was pretty ugly, until finally I crashed.

But if I'd asked myself, how am I?

How are you?

Then I would notice, oh, how am I?

I'm striving.

I'm pushing.

I'm expecting.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of not accomplishing, afraid of what's going to happen if I just kind of let

go and just be here somehow.

The how question reveals what's actually going on in a more intimate or personal way that

sometimes is lost when we're trying to accomplish something and do something and make something

happen or be someone.

So the how question is always coming back, how am I?

How am I?

And one of the important nice things about meditation, this kind of meditation practice,

is that it's a way of really becoming intimate with yourself, really getting to know and

be present.

It's very easy for the people I talk to and see to become alienated from yourself, to

not really be in touch with yourself, not really connected, not really know what's going

on.

So the question, how am I?

How am I?

How am I now?

And then, how am I?

How am I with what I notice?

So I'm sitting here and I notice that I'm agitated.

How am I with being agitated?

So then you can fill in the blank.

How am I is that I'm disappointed or I'm unhappy or this must mean that I'm a failure of a

meditator.

So the how is we start seeing the beliefs, the beliefs we have, the ideas we have, the

reactions we have, the attitudes we have.

That are happening in the present moment towards what's happening.

So how am I?

How are we?

Keep asking.

And in some ways you start seeing, kind of go step back, back and back.

So maybe you're restless.

How am I with being restless?

I don't like it.

How am I with not liking it?

I want to get rid of it.

How am I with wanting to get rid of it?

Well, I'm just angry.

I'm just angry.

That I have to live with things I don't like.

How are you with being angry?

And at some point you step back far enough, you start saying, well, I can just let it

be.

I don't have to keep adding more and more on top of it.

I can just kind of step back and make space.

And that is one of the, one of the, now I don't dare say it given what I've said so

far.

One of the goals of doing the how question is in asking how.

Is to begin to relax about how things are.

To begin to open up and allow for them to be there, make space around them.

Not because, as I said earlier, because we want to condone them or because we want them

to take over our lives.

But there's something about the process of stepping back, relaxing and allowing and opening

it up.

How?

Oh, like this.

It's like this.

Oh.

It takes the pressure off it.

It takes the fuel that keeps it going away.

So many of the activities of our mind are being fueled, are being driven by our desires,

by our fears, by our aversions, by our non-acceptance, by all these things we're trying to do.

And that's why they persist through time.

How am I?

And then open.

How am I?

Oh, it's like this.

How am I with that?

Oh, it's like this.

And then, is it possible to be at peace with it?

Is it possible to be at ease?

But no matter how difficult the situation is, oh, it's like this.

It's like this.

How?

How am I?

So I've used this a lot, this question, how am I?

Checking back.

And I learned this in my meditation because I needed to learn it.

I learned it because I noticed that if I was trying too much to do something, I was not

able to do it.

If I was trying too much to do something in meditation, I lost kind of touch with myself.

It was like I was out there in my breath trying to do something, and I wasn't kind of settled

back in feeling the fullness of who I am.

And so by asking how, I came back into myself, and then back in myself in the fullness of

the wholeness, then meditation or settling or becoming more peaceful had a chance to

just happen on its own.

Rather than knowing.

Yeah.

Rather than something that I'm doing, there's a kind of settling or letting go or relaxing.

Maybe not so different than you finally come home from work, and you're home alone, it's

nice to be home, and you just, you don't have to be anything for anybody anymore, you don't

have to do anything anymore.

And it's kind of relaxing, kind of things beginning to fall away and settle away and

just, you know, just because you're not being fueled, not fueling the stress or the tension

of the day.

You're just allowing yourself to be.

So how are you?

So that's my offer for you today, to keep it simple.

You can use that question, how are you?

And just keep asking it and see what happens.

Just that knowledge of what you learn when you ask that question.

What does that reveal for you?

What does that show you?

What happens if you follow the thread of how am I now, and how am I with this, how am I?

Does it lead to peace?

That's the question.

So what do you think of that?

How are you with that?

Anything anybody wants to say or ask?

How are you?

You're quiet.

I wanted to keep it simple.

Okay.

How am I now?

Simple, I hope that this was simple, I don't know.

But I was going to ask this simple question, how am I?

That idea was very simple.

Because I think I was partly inspired because I've done so many retreats the last … well

I'm currently actually teaching a retreat.

I came home to be with my family and then I came down to see you.

So I'm on a retreat that I retreat center and it's just so simple, simple.

Simple.

Simple, yeah.

Simple, uh, it is.

Yeah.

What I'm using for the maintenance, just to keep me with that?

For what use?

simple. Just a bee. Yes, please. Right behind you, Jim, first.

I guess this is a question that I've been meaning to ask, and maybe not directly related to your

talk, but sort of related. I've read books about Zen, and in the stories that they tell there,

it seems like they emphasize this idea of sudden enlightenment. Somebody says something,

and you're suddenly changed. But in the Vipassana tradition, it seems like

that's not emphasized at all. It's a gradual thing. And I guess tonight's talk is sort of

like that. If you keep on asking, how are you, you're sort of gradually going towards enlightenment.

So you want the sudden thing?

Well, what I wanted to know is, because you've studied in both of those traditions,

what do you think of that?

I mean, is there any truth to that sudden thing? Or is there, does that really happen?

I don't know if I want it.

It happens all of the above ways. There's many people, it's sudden until, why don't you stand?

Stay there. That's kind of nice.

It's gradual until it's sudden.

You know, there's many, many activities in life, which you're building towards it,

and you're working towards it, and finally you get there, and the actual accomplishment is sudden.

Right? So that's pretty common. And so even in Zen, they don't put a lot of emphasis on all the

years that the Zen monk was training and preparing and working. But the actual experience is very

quick of enlightenment. So it's sudden when it finally happens. And so it's sudden when it finally happens.

As opposed to, you know, some novice, some guy, you know, I think I'll go down to the Zen monastery.

I think this enlightenment thing is good. I'll knock on the door of the Zen master and, you know,

oh yeah, here it is. And it's done. Then you can go, you know, this gradual thing is a waste of time.

Because, you know, it's better to be enlightened quickly so that you can then, you know, live a life.

No, it's gradual until it's sudden kind of thing.

That's one approach. And so it's a little bit complicated. I mean, to really get into this whole

sudden, gradual thing and what it all means, it's a little bit more complicated than what I just said.

Some people, sometimes they say it's sudden awakening followed by gradual practice.

Sometimes it's gradual practice that's a sudden awakening followed by more gradual practice.

All kinds of different combinations and ways in which this can happen.

Some people, by accident, have some kind of realization-like experience.

And then they spend years practicing because they have to kind of, now they understand something,

they want to actualize it or live into it.

But I could offer you, if you're a game, a kind of Zen thing to kind of see if we can get you suddenly enlightened.

The techniques that I've heard of doing that are maybe not so nice, but...

Oh, so we don't want to...

You know, take the risk, so...

I'm not going to have you as a striker.

I'm a striker.

Should we try it?

Okay.

Yeah?

So we have to pay very careful attention for this.

There's going to be a little flicker of a moment where there's a little gap.

And see if you can notice that little gap where you're free.

Does that make sense?

So this is a Zen question for sudden enlightenment.

So pay attention and see that flicker.

How are you?

You didn't get it.

It went by so fast.

It was sudden.

But you weren't fast enough.

Thank you.

That's the problem with a sudden school.

You have to be there.

Yes, please.

So if at the heart of it, it's simple.

I hope so.

And if Buddha was the master of it, why are Buddha's writings so complicated?

Buddha's writings so complicated?

Yeah.

One answer to that is that because human minds are so complicated.

And so you have to kind of meet the complication at its own terms in order to unravel it.

So here's an example.

This is the other topic I was thinking of teaching today.

So this gives me a chance.

So I hope I can do this shortly.

There was a disciple of the Buddha who encountered some non-Buddhist,

spiritual teachers of his time.

And those spiritual teachers asked this disciple of the Buddha,

what does the Buddha teach?

What are the Buddha's views?

Views means like, you know, philosophy.

What's his philosophy?

And he said, I don't know.

And so what's the philosophy of some of the Buddha's other disciples?

I don't know.

What is your philosophy?

Well, I don't know.

Oh, exactly.

I'll tell you, but first you tell me what your philosophy is.

And so these other spiritual teachers give them their philosophy,

which are kind of big metaphysical things, statements.

And then this disciple of the Buddha is going to tell him

kind of his philosophy, his approach.

And he says,

my view is to focus on how,

philosophies are constructs of the mind

that are volitionally, intentionally created.

And if you notice how the mind,

the activity of the mind that creates the view,

and you see that you don't have to be involved in that activity,

there you'll find yourself free.

So it's kind of like coming at it from a whole other angle.

That made sense to you.

That's nice to give two talks in one night.

Is there a microphone at the corner of the stage?

Could you hand it to the man over there?

Hi.

I'm going to try to put this into words.

Could you elaborate on the balance of thinking?

So I'm still, like I still have this impression

that meditation is about not thinking.

Yeah.

And in a way, it's kind of,

it kind of sounds like what you were talking about,

but it's about being rather than having or doing, right?

It's not about being anything special.

So not thinking would be doing something special.

So whether you think or you don't think,

how are you?

That's where the freedom is found.

Does that make some sense?

Yeah.

But you had a question, so please.

Well, no, I'm just,

because I heard, you know,

at another talk you said, you know,

don't necessarily come right back to the breath, you know,

kind of sit there and figure out what you were thinking about

so you can start to understand your mind.

And, you know, so when I start to feel agitated or something,

I start to think, I go back to like the three characteristics,

like what, you know, what is this?

What am I doing?

So I'm wondering like the balance of like thinking

and trying to figure out your mind versus the balance

of just coming back to your breath.

I think it's good to err on the subject.

Instead of being simple.

And not try to make meditation this complicated thing.

But if you find yourself

wandering off into thought

over and over again,

especially if it's the same kind of thought,

then sometimes it's important to

investigate what's actually going on.

So you could ask the question,

how are you?

When I'm thinking, having all these thoughts,

how am I? What's going on? What's happening?

What's this about?

Kind of take a deeper look at it.

Because some things you won't be free of

until you understand it well.

And so we have to, so what is it,

what do you need to understand in that thinking mind?

And once you've understood it,

maybe then you can put it to rest

or it puts itself to rest.

Does that make sense?

But it doesn't mean you have to do a lot of thinking

about thinking.

It's more like a quiet mind looks at it

and sees what's going on.

Good?

Thanks.

So.

So, how did you stop

trying to be peaceful?

You mentioned earlier how,

as how you are.

Did I stop trying to be peaceful?

Yeah, I mean, the trying is just

not peaceful.

So the how, how am I?

You notice, oh, this effort that I'm making

is going

counterproductive.

It's going against the grain,

against, it's countering what I'm trying to do.

I want to be peaceful,

but there's a,

I mean, within reason you can do something,

you do things to be peaceful.

You can like, you know,

if you're at a wild party

and it's not very peaceful,

people having a fight,

like they had a fight, right,

down in Santa Barbara, right?

And it wasn't very peaceful.

So one way to get peaceful is to leave.

You know, and that's, you know,

you can do certain things sometimes.

But in meditation,

as the mind gets quieter,

then,

and the mind gets quieter,

at some point you come to a place

where any effort to do anything,

to try to accomplish anything,

it just feels irritating.

It just does, gets in the way

and it doesn't feel peaceful.

So even the attempt to be,

the attempt to try to be more peaceful

is itself an agitating movement.

So the best thing to do is just leave it alone.

And the mind will settle on its own

if you leave it alone.

If you're not bothered by it.

Okay, so maybe, yeah?

So maybe,

I'll take the mic here.

Do you have any comments on,

I guess,

if we should ask that question?

I think the green light should be on.

Yeah.

If you ask your question,

like, how are you?

And there's no response.

You're lucky.

It never lasts.

What?

It never lasts.

Yeah, so then ask it again.

So how are you with nothing?

How are you with nothing happening

with nothing there?

Well, I'm frightened or I'm bored

or I'm blank, you know.

But yeah, I think it's fine to have nothing.

And then ask it again.

How am I with that?

How am I?

Blank or nothing is sometimes

very important time

in a variety of different ways.

Sometimes it's the cusp

of something new happening.

So here's a,

when my son was in

fourth and fifth grade,

he had the same teacher.

So during the summer

between fourth and fifth grade,

the teacher spent time

choosing a poem or a verse

for every student in the class

that was going to be their verse

for the year,

the fifth grade year.

And then once a week,

each student recited their verse out loud

to the whole class.

And so they,

they had all these verses.

They were all tailor-made verses

for the kids,

kind of somehow spoke to their character

or something like that.

And my son,

he was really happy.

He was very happy with his verse

because he had the shortest one.

And his friend,

his best friend had the longest one.

So he was kind of relieved.

And, but his verse,

I'll make it even shorter than it was,

but it was almost as short

as what I'm going to tell you.

It was like this.

Without darkness,

nothing is born.

Without light,

nothing flowers.

Isn't that kind of great?

For a fifth grader

to recite that once a week.

What do you think that means?

So this thing about blank,

darkness.

Maybe it's a fallow time.

Maybe it's something new

that's about to be born.

The darkness also means,

you know,

we talk about the dark night,

hard to soul,

or difficult times in our life.

Things are dark.

But without that,

maybe nothing really important

is going to be born.

So without darkness,

nothing is born.

But then once it's born,

it flowers in the light.

So the light,

I like to call it

the light of awareness

or attention.

So don't be afraid of blank.

The light doesn't express

or leave anything behind.

For the light,

everything is built

on the light of the light.

The light is not the light

of the light,

it's the light.

The light pieces

the balance,

which is our creation.

So the light of the light

is the sense of consciousness.

There's no empty gift,

and nothing

unless you see it.

So light,

like light,

does that mean

anything method?

Yes there's no 버ION

or the mind.

That is love.

Light,

that is love.

The light,

love,

the how am I, let's say I'm feeling murderous rage

to actually somehow, what, letting go of that

living with that, understanding that

so how do you go from having murderous rage, for example, asking how am I

and noticing how it is, and then letting go of it

so sometimes it might be easy

because just seeing it is enough, and realizing this doesn't serve me

this is not helpful, and if you're lucky, maybe the grip is not so hard

and maybe it's possible to let go

or it might be, you see, I'm in the moment of imminent danger

this is not cool that I should feel this way

next time someone talks to me, I'm probably off their head

so I need to go do something, I need to be by myself

I need to go, so just noticing that's how you are

can give you the information you need to make yourself a safe person

and be wise, just go to the beach and go for a long run

come back tomorrow, when it's all settled away

so that can be helpful, but in the process of meditation

what can happen, since you're not killing anyone there

you're sitting still, how are you

and to open to it and feel it more fully, but feel it and be present for it

in such a way that you're not feeding it, you're not involved in it

you're just making space for it

and generally what can happen then is it begins to dissipate

because, you know, I don't know, maybe some of you know the actual number

but a few years ago they started publishing these reports

psychologists or mind scientists

about how long an emotion lasts

and they said something like emotions only last something like the most two minutes

and like what?

they didn't interview me

and why they said that is that

emotions have a natural tendency to dissipate

unless they get reinforced

and so if there's more thoughts, more stories, more intentions come along

so the act of how am I leaving it alone

is an act of not adding more stories, adding fuel to it

so it might not go away in two minutes, but it then begins to relax and dissipate

and so rather than being the person who has to fix it

we become the person who has to fix it

we become the person who makes space

for the heart, the mind to relax and settle away itself

and if you keep asking the question how am I

it's a way of getting the information you need

it's helpful to see

it's really helpful to know what's going on

you don't just leave your mind alone and not know

you have to really see clearly

the more clearly you can see what's going on

then there's space in a sense for things to unwind

or unfold the way they're going to unfold

so that's one way

so there's many ways this can work

and something as serious as murderous rage

I don't want to hold it lightly and say it's a simple thing

there's a lot of different things that might be needed

if it's really a real life challenge someone's under

but the general approach of meditation

one of the general approaches is to get out of its way

and stop feeding it, stop fueling it

and one of the ways to do that is this question of how am I

is to notice that even not liking it fuels it

even trying to get rid of it

the subtle way is sometimes it keeps adding fuel to the fire

and so you just leave it alone, leave it alone

make sense?

so I hope that's satisfying answer

okay, good

okay, so I hope that you find occasions this week

to ask yourself repeatedly, how am I, how am I

or if someone asks you how you are

be gracious

grateful, use that as a mindfulness spell. Oh, yeah, how am I question? Then don't start

giving them a long explanation. But, oh yeah, how am I? How am I? And I hope how you are

is happy. Thank you.