TOV s15e01 Trapped on furlough with social distancing!

Traps on Vacation, Season 15, Episode 1-4, May 1st, 2020, 15 Years of Mediocrity.

To interrupt, Mrs. Fogle, we weren't introduced. I'm Jake, Debbie's boyfriend.

See, Mom? I am with someone. All those psychics were wrong.

Great, great. Well, anyways, I was just going to say that, you know, once we're done with this big score,

we're going to need a place to hide out somewhere where the cops could never find us.

Ooh, like Epcot.

Uh, yes. Epcot is great. That's exactly what I was thinking.

We can kiss in front of the Eiffel Tower, on the canals of Venice, in the Canada Pavilion.

Yes, but why wait till the Canada Pavilion when we can start right now?

I woke up, got my lazy ass out of bed. I watered all the rocks growing in my head.

I had a thought and fell asleep on you.

There I was, somewhere west of Tomorrowland.

Flying through the stars, just like Peter Pan.

And I said, damn, this looks too good to be true.

Hey, everybody, how are you? Welcome to another edition of Trapped on Vacation.

It is May 1st, 2020.

I bet you didn't expect to hear from me so soon after my last episode in August.

Well, at least I had two this year, or in the past year. I guess that was still last year.

And who knows? I might have another one this year as well.

You never know. I may suddenly have some time, like I do right now, except for the parks are closed.

Although maybe I can actually go through the backlog of audio that I have in my archives.

No promises, though. Who knows? You never know. Maybe we'll be back to work sooner than expected.

Okay, let's see. What's been going on around the vacation home?

Well, we've been stuck here.

For a while.

Well, okay. Admittedly, I haven't been stuck as long as some people.

I was able to work from home, or actually, when everybody else started working from home in mid-March,

I was able to work from the office, thanks to having very supportive leaders that understand that I have ADHD.

And I've kind of crafted my office.

I've created a space to me being productive, and it kind of works.

And I was kind of really, really nervous about working from home for a right reason.

Because I have my office set up. I have a routine.

If I stray from the routine, everything goes to crap.

See, I said crap. I didn't swear. So Apple doesn't have to ban me from Apple Podcasts.

Hooray! Family friendly.

Okay. But yeah.

I'm back on track, ADHD.

My leaders let me work from the office while everybody else is working from home.

Because that was social distancing. There's ice going on in the background.

We have a kid back there, she just went shhh, into the air.

And kind of, um, laughed at me.

Because she thinks it's hilarious that I have a podcast, because my kids are now almost 8 and 10,

and

and they pretty much just found out that I have A4 E4 who are really stuffy.

about the podcast uh okay the oldest has known for a while but the youngest found an old lanyard

and said what's this and i said it's my podcast lanyard and she's like you have a podcast and i'm

like yeah she's like how long have you had a podcast i'm like for 14 years and she was like

really i'm like i don't do it that often okay back on track adhd my office let me work from there

and i was the only one on my entire floor it was scary because it was just me

and well i still i was productive i i you know normally i don't stray from my cubicle very much

during the day anyway so you know working was normal and then i'm typing in the air you can't

see me but i'm pretending to work because that's all i do anymore working was normal but when i'd

go to lunch

or go use the restroom or go get a snack from the snack closet which was all mine

uh it was kind of weird and and awkward and kind of just odd because i was the only person there

well there were there were two other people on the other side of the building and i i saw them

like maybe twice during the entire two-week period and then i'd see the the cleaning staff they'd come

around and say hello and

you know

wipe everything down with lysol wipes and things like that and and security was there but just

there were maybe maybe 20 or 30 people in the entire building which normally has

i don't know i guess about 2 000 people and uh but then when osceola county said everybody has

to stay at home then i couldn't go into the office anymore so i had to move to my home office

and it wasn't quite as bad as i thought it was except

for the the loner imac that they gave me to work from was a 2013 model and it showed i got the red

spinning beach ball during pretty much like every five minutes or seconds if i if i was editing audio

during doing intensive stuff it was perfectly fine but then if i open an email and outlook

it would spin for about 30 seconds before an email message would open up why i don't know why i don't

know i just blame microsoft i guess but it wasn't quite as painful as i thought it to be it turned

out pretty good and worked from home for what was it like about two and a half weeks something like

that and then we got furloughed but the last day when i before the last day in the office i had to

run over to the pharmacy at the center for living well and i had to run over to the pharmacy at the

center for living well and i had to run over to the pharmacy at the center for living well and i

over at the epcot cast parking lot and it was uh kind of frightening like it's weird seeing the

epcot parking lot or the epcot cast parking lot completely empty i i don't think i've ever seen

it like that ever and i've worked a few overnight shifts and i mean well overnight shifts they still

have a ton of people there working um not as many as during the day but it's still pretty active

and then when i drove through property and saw zero cars driving down buena vista drive

and then when i turned on to world drive um saw even less i actually had a strange

real panic attack like it was really scary it was driven home that you know disney world is

closed right now and uh well i take responsibility for that and i'm going to have to go back and

take responsibility for that i'll get into that in a second um well

not responsibility but i have a funny story about that i sort of predicted it in a different sort of

way but that is still okay right now we are six minutes and 36 seconds in that is still oh let's

say a half hour down the road i'll get to that story but for now we are going to go back into

time

back in the archives when the parks were still open and epcot had three new movies open up in

land pavilion we had awesome planet over in canada they had canada far and wide open up the

new circle vision movie and in france they had the beauty and the beast sing-along and i went

to cast previews yeah so we got to do that and uh we're gonna go there right now we're gonna start

oh quick warning um beauty and the beast sing-along uh i

kind of got lazy and i set the recorder down on the ground and it was under my seat so i recorded

echoes under my seat so we're not gonna play that that was me being lazy don't be lazy we're just

gonna do we're gonna go to the land we're gonna see awesome planet or listen to awesome planet

then we're gonna go over to canada and see canada far and wide and then we're gonna do something

else that we'll see in a minute when we're done okay here we go have fun

let's see when i used to work on the average here um here's where

but i got trained at moon rocks

but i called in sick for my training day at circle

because the next day because i was status at boat so i was just being trained for overtime purposes

turns out i never got checked out at circle and never had to work in these boring movies

that's probably

here

a lot too

if you were looking for the perfect home this would be it

i know it doesn't look move-in ready just yet but trust me this property is one of a kind

hang on hang on it's still under construction

but it has plenty of potential and it's still under construction but it has plenty of potential and

its value will only increase over time look what four billion years of remodeling did for the place

nice huh and this thing was built to last okay let's go over some of the features for starters

location location location this planet has a great orbit around the sun and that means

the weather's perfect for life not too hot not too cold next it's just the right distance from the sun

so you get liquid water that's essential it also comes with a bonus moon which gives you tides

and that early explosion it gave the planet a tilt so you get seasons

all together this is one unique and awesome planet come on let me show you around

there are lots of neighborhoods to choose from by the way we call them biomes

and they're all great places to live for example if you like

water you're in luck because most of the real estate on this planet

is ocean and that's a good thing because no water no life

and if water is your thing you'll be in good company not only with the folks who

live along the coasts and waterways but also with the fish and creatures that live under the sea

oh and if you're wondering about the schools just ask the fish

maybe you prefer something a little less wet we've got that too we call them deserts

definitely drier

but it's not as dry as it used to be

it's not as dry as it used to be

but it's not as dry as it used to be

warmer and rich with minerals

from majestic cities that stretch to the sky to homes that are more down to earth

there's a whole lot of life under the sun

now if you're looking for the coolest neighborhoods try

the Poles north or south take your pick

oh and both poles come in built-in ice makers

well they kind of are ice makers

just imagine the long winter walks

the short summer nights, and the feeling

of cool central air 24.7

sure the temperatures can get pretty chilly

and they're not the most populated

from a human standpoint

at night

standpoint, but they are stunning places to call home.

Oh, so you're looking for a home where the grass is always greener.

Then may I suggest the Grasslands.

They're one of our most popular neighborhoods.

And you'd be living on the land that helps feed your neighbors

around the world.

And for those of you that love the woods, you are so in luck.

There's a lot of inventory in this bio.

Almost a third of the planet's surface is forest.

And go on, take a deep breath.

Because forests help provide oxygen.

Music

soak up carbon dioxide and provide oxygen. Arctic seas absorb CO2 as well. And polar

ice helps keep the planet cool, while desert winds warm it up and blow nutrients across

the land. Even lightning plays a role in keeping the land fertile. When the biomes are healthy,

these maintenance forces of nature are in balance as well. But, full disclosure, things

are changing in the marketplace. Temperatures are becoming more extreme, with record freezes.

Increased heat waves and droughts too. Glacial ice is melting at an alarming rate. It's

getting worse. And with it, ocean levels and temperatures are rising. Sadly, that

means coral reefs are dying. And flooding is becoming more prevalent. Hurricanes and

storms are happening with greater intensity.

Wildfires are more frequent and more destructive. This planet, our home, is in peril. We need

to protect it as if all lives depend on it. Because they do.

Now I want to thank you for watching this video. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did,

I would never try to sell you on a home that has no hope or future. And while it's true

that the challenge to restore the balance has never been greater, the opportunity has

never been greater as well. Never before have we had the knowledge and the tools to turn

things around. The choices that we make, that you make, do make a difference. So, choose

how you want to make a difference.

And choose to make a difference. Imagine if everyone on the planet pitched in what we

could accomplish. Together, we can do it. And together, we will.

That's why we are here.

A makeshift

planet that has never existed before.

Get your

first

life

from

a

natural

human

plant.

The Earth of Mars is reality.

No matter the

Well, it's been a quick tour, but hopefully you're sold now on this dream home called Earth.

And that's good, because as far as we've searched throughout the universe, we've never found another place that can support life.

It truly is a miracle, this awesome planet that we've been given. Let's keep it that way.

If you'd like more information on ways you can help protect our planet, we invite you to visit Disney Conservation Fund online and social media.

So, that was Awesome Planet. I really enjoyed it. It's different. It's not as...

We used to call the Circle of Life movie our daily dose of guilt, or annual dose of guilt, because it was just so...

Everything is going wrong. And, yeah, and...

Well, I do miss Hakuna Matata Lakeside Village. That was fun.

Those clips are great.

Those clips were fun. But the rest of the movie was just like, ooh, bad. Here's guilt, and make it better.

So, yeah.

I do have a few issues with the combining of footage shot for video and footage shot on film, because there is a difference in quality.

But the people that I was there with, my friends Lee and Eric, they didn't notice a difference.

So, I think it may be just me, because that's what my...

My eye does, because I work with video on a regular basis, and that's what I see.

I honestly don't think it'll make a difference to anybody else except for, well, me.

You'll like it. Go see it. It's good.

All right, now we're going to go over to Canada, and we're going to check out Canada far and wide.

Now, a quick funny moment from the lobby of the Circle Vision movie in Canada.

The cast member who was from Montreal, or Quebec, I don't want to say he was from Montreal.

He was from Quebec someplace.

He called Eugene Levy, Eugene Levi, and we just thought it was the funniest thing ever.

I have it recorded, but you can't really hear anything, because that room has the worst acoustics out of any place, anywhere in Walt Disney World, because the ceilings are like seven feet.

And there's 800 people inside.

And there's 800 people inside that area.

So I hope you enjoy Canada's Treasures, Eugene Levi and Catherine O'Hara in Canada Far and Wide.

So is this the same concept as the old one, like flying around and looking at Canada?

Well, we're in a Circle Vision theater, so no, it's not.

It's only going to be on one screen.

It's going to be that one.

So it's off center.

I feel like he's making fun of me.

Everybody has to turn their head to the left.

But if you're facing that way, you turn your head to the right.

Like, yeah, I think right there the stormtroopers come flying by on the speeder bikes.

Welcome to the Circle Vision 360 theater.

For your comfort, we have provided...

Oh, I lied.

Please do not sit, stand, or swing on them.

If you need to exit this presentation, we ask that you use the opposite doors as those you entered.

And refrain from using flash photography or video recording.

And now, on behalf of myself, Walt Disney World Resort, and the entire Canadian Pavilion,

I am proud to present Canada Far and Wide.

Legend says the word Canada comes from Kanata, the Huron-Iroquois word for village.

And although those early villages have grown into our modern world,

grown into our modern provinces,

Canada has remained a cultural mosaic.

A place where you can keep and nurture your language and traditions while embracing the future.

All of which has made Canada one of the most diverse, modern, and natural places on the globe.

So settle in as we take you on a journey far and wide

across five regions, six time zones, and 5,700 miles.

Or as we like to say in Canada,

9,300 kilometers.

Because we have the metric system here, you know.

We began on the east coast in Nova Scotia with one of our true Canadian treasures, the Blue Nose.

She not only looks impressive, she can move too.

The Blue Nose was once the world's fastest racing scooter.

The Atlantic provinces are well known for their historical towns and traditions,

as well as some of the most musical Canadian accents we'll find everywhere.

Just west of the Atlantic in central Canada,

you'll hear lots of French accents because French is an official language spoken here.

Quebec City is one of North America's oldest metropolises.

A perfect blending of old world meets new.

It's southern neighbor, Montreal, blends over 350 years of multicultural heritage with stunning architecture.

And it's the second largest French speaking city internationally after Paris.

Natural or not, both cities offer lots for you to explore and discover.

No matter where you travel throughout the country,

one thing you'll discover is that Canadians thrive on and embrace the public exploration of art, theatre, dance, and music.

Just west of Montreal is our nation's capital city, Ottawa.

A city of museums, festivals, and celebrations.

Oh, and in the winter, don't miss your chance to ice skate on the Rideau Canal.

Always a good time.

The Thousand Island Suspension Bridge

straddles Canada and the United States across the St. Lawrence River.

It's just one of our many natural U.S.-Canadian connections.

Niagara Falls is another.

And as any self-respecting Canadian will tell you,

Mount Falls aren't bigger than the American Falls.

But they're both really spectacular.

That's true.

Continuing west of our way bigger falls is the provincial capital, the great city of Toronto.

One of the largest cities in North America, and in my opinion, one of Canada's best.

Did I mention I'm from there?

Did I mention the Toronto Raptors?

The North has made history.

That won't be dated any time.

Let's move on to our third region, the Prairie Provinces.

With the Rocky Mountains on one side and the prairies on the other,

Calgary is absolutely gorgeous.

And one of today's most exciting modern cities.

Cowboy hats are a proper dinner attire in a region where horse and ranch culture still thrives.

As does the annual Calgary Stampede,

a spectacle that's been charging along for over a hundred years.

Just outside Calgary,

the great outdoors will come.

Even greater,

with activities for every skill and thrill level.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge our deep love of hockey.

For many Canadians, it's a way of life.

And a way of life for our dentists, too.

I have to admit, in Canada, things can get pretty wild.

Actually, very wild.

Ow.

I'll find組

conviction.

Our journey continues to the West Coast and British Columbia.

The Okanagan Valley is home to two very different environments.

The valley's temperate climate is ideals of growing grapes in our wine country.

And you'll also find Canada's only desert region.

Yes, Canada actually has a desert.

Now grab your coats, because we're heading toward the snowy peaks of Whistler.

At Whistler Mountain, you'll find opportunities for almost every winter sport imagine.

Say, are you a fan of palace games?

Hell yes, and as long as I'm not the one doing it.

Fortunately, it's just one of the many ways to experience these majestic mountains,

which were home to much of the 2010 banged-rover Olympics.

Oh, oh, oh!

And this is Vancouver, tucked right next to the Pacific Ocean.

There's more vitality and culture here than you can shake a Canadian...

Hey, there's Meghan Markle.

That's our new princess.

Oh, oh, oh!

Cathedral Grove, one of my favorite Vancouver spots.

Some of these trees are 250 feet tall.

Trees that have been nurtured by Canada's indigenous people for centuries.

Canada is home to numerous First Nations peoples.

A wonderful portrait of multicultural diversity.

Our fifth and final region is the North,

divided into Yukon, Northwest Territories, and Nunavut.

For countless generations of families, this majestic home has provided a traditional lifestyle.

Oh, oh, oh!

Well, that's just a glimpse of our Canada, far and wide.

We hope you know now why we love it so much.

Not just for the natural beauty, but for the people who make it so special.

And the best way to really know this country is to experience it yourself.

So come visit our Canada.

We'd love to have you.

Hey!

Canada, Canada

We're a lifetime journey for you to travel through

Canada

You're a lifeline of wonder on this planet Earth

Canada

You are far too vast and beautiful for words to ever really tell

Canada

You are lifeline of wonder for words to ever really tell

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

Oh, oh!

Canada

A travers les temps

Tu es la fleur et l'assommant

Canada

Tes montagnes, tes villes et tes mers

Sont tous ceux que j'aime

People from around the world

Have settled in your name

For their heritage in Canada

They stand side by side and hand in hand

Canada, Canada, Canada

You're in every time I'm home

Canada, Canada, Canada

I was expecting something a little different though

With Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara

Some of the funniest comedic actors and people in the world

I was expecting more humor like the Martin Short

O'Canada version

Or was that O'Canada?

Whatever the Martin Short version was

That's what I was expecting

And then it was a straight narration

I was not expecting that

They still did a fantastic job

I just think that maybe they could have used

Almost anybody for that specific narration

Instead of those two big names

That are known to be funny people

But no, it was really good

I highly recommend it, as always

Now, the Beauty and the Beast sing-along

It was okay

It answers a few questions we may have thought about LeFou

But you can go see that for yourself

Or you've probably already seen a YouTube video

Or something of the movie

I don't know

But it was okay

It seemed more something

That would have been a DVD extra in 1997

It just

It was fun, I guess

But it wasn't for me

And they really misused the screen

When it was shot in a 4-3 aspect ratio

Or cut in a 4-3 aspect ratio

They really misused

That giant, gorgeous screen

For something very small

So, I don't know

If you have kids, go see it

It's air-conditioned

But I would wait until the France movie

Is playing

And skip the sing-along

Personally

But that's just me

Okay, now we're going to fast-forward

A couple

Well, a month and a couple days

From that point

To the movie

And that's just me

It was the end of February

It was February 28th

I believe was the day we went

And we

I gave up waiting for

Cast blockouts to be lifted

From Hollywood Studios

And I couldn't avoid

Spoilers for Rise Against the Resistance

Anymore

Because, well

Four months was

Really hard to avoid all spoilers

Or, I guess

Three and a half months

But a long time

To avoid spoilers

Especially where I work

Where footage and details

About that attraction

Was everywhere

Like, literally everywhere

You'd go to a meeting

And all of a sudden

I had to direct my eyes

At the floor

Because all of a sudden

There was footage from the attraction

On the screen

And I'm like, I don't want to know

I don't want to know

I know I might need to know this for my job

But I don't want to know

And I was sick of waiting

And avoiding

And hoping that

They would let us in

So I burned a comp ticket

And we went and rode

Rise of the Resistance

And holy cow

It was

Perhaps the greatest moment

Of my life

At Walt Disney World

In the past 22 years

That I've been working here

My mind was blown

From start to finish

And I loved every minute of it

Although I guess I should probably tell you that afterwards

But, well, you'll figure it out

So, uh, yeah

Come along for the ride

If you haven't, um, seen

Anything

And you're avoiding spoilers

Then skip this part

I put at the end for a reason

So just skip to the end

And, like, skip to five minutes from the end

I think, give or take

Because I have something good at the end

Like I always do on the first of May

But it's different than normal

So just skip ahead

You're all set

And I came out one thing

You're all set

Go ride Rise

I didn't have to wait two years like stinky dogs

I still had a dream to fly

Three

Then I'm like

Face your mother

Then I'm like

She's mine

And I'm still mine

And I came out one thing

I didn't have to wait two years like stinky dogs

Like I said, I written flight pictures

Then I come home

Three years

And me and Arthur

Have been over here

For three years

I have as well as much as as much as possible to be spoiler free.

Oh yeah, there is stuff to scan in here, but everybody's running through the queue, so I can't look through the ancient temple here.

Makes sense.

This is on point.

It is four inches wide.

It's slightly crooked.

I was following you. I've never walked the queue.

Oh.

The agility test is on point with the temple in the novel.

It all depends on your perspective.

I meant the first order is the bad guy.

I meant first order is hard.

Okay.

This is cool.

This is very cool.

Oh, I...

There is a map of the galaxy up there. That's pretty awesome.

We've got a storage container filled with weapons.

Ooh, a wrench.

All right, so I'm taking you down.

Another storage container filled with breeding apparatuses.

And a...

I'm totally nerding out in here.

A Yoda lamp.

And now we're in a tunnel.

A deep, dark, twisty tunnel.

Something about that is very cool.

This is very, very cool.

This is...

Well, it took Vi a long time to put this together.

Right.

What?

Huh?

Well, Vi was responsible for finding the space for the Rebel base.

Or the Resistance base.

Yeah.

She had to beat up a bunch of monsters in this temple before...

Like, yeah.

Yeah.

True story.

Okay, we're by a door.

This is...

Yeah.

Daddy, I can count my ABCs by rolling my tongue around.

Ah!

Why did our breakthrough look like that?

That's pretty impressive.

Okay, we're going in the door.

Okay, Amy, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Okay, baby-8!

Baby-8!

Baby-A athletic giant!

BB-8, prep the ready room for regroups.

Okay, we're in the ready room.

This is the ready room.

Okay, what's that map for?

Incoming transmission from Rey.

BB-8, is everyone assembled?

Yes.

Good.

Shouldn't you be in flight prep?

Please, thank you for joining the cause.

A covert resistance team led by my friend Finn

has infiltrated a First Order star.

That is now headed to the system.

Your outpost on Batuu is no longer safe.

We have transports waiting to take you

to General Organa's secret base on Pekara.

I'll regroup quickly there.

Your resistance desperately needs your help

in our fight against Kylo Ren and the First Order.

Remember, it is vital that you keep the location

of the Pekara base secret.

Lieutenant Beck, one of our top commanders,

will lead you.

Affirmative. Transport is ready.

Line number 9 shall personally see them delivered.

Wait.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

Welcome to the cause.

May the Force be with us.

Commander Poe Damry and her squadron of X-Wings

shall escort us to the rendezvous point on Pekara.

Roger, this is Black Leader.

I hear you're a fine-looking group of recruits.

About no time to waste.

Let's get you on your way to the General.

Stand clear.

Dead doors opening now.

Holy cow.

Whoa.

There's Poe's X-Wing.

He's in there.

Poe Damry's in there.

And BB-8's in back.

Oh, there's the shuttle.

We're going to get on board the shuttle.

No, we can't get in.

Affirmative.

Dead 3, you're clear for launch.

Able to copy.

Squad, since we are loading up.

Okay, you ready to go on the ship?

This is your final report.

Huh?

I think so.

We need a closer look.

Gadsden.

That's better.

Check the binary motivator.

Is that all I need to check out?

Yes.

I just want to be sure.

All recruits must be on board now.

Now transport is away in 30 seconds

Good

Yes, check the hyperdrive also

Airspeed sensor

Thank you the night now black leader. Are you and your team ready?

Affirmative engines are hot

Red to blue fire report red to check

Engage propulsors and hold on recruits loop 5 is kind of shoes launch loop 5 is kind of cute

There's a viewport in fact

Oh

Whoa, that is trippy

Black leader we're picking up an unusual signal. Are you spotting anything? Yeah, I see it. We'll check it out. What do you got?

There appear to be a number of small craft heading our way raise the shields

We got company! First order TIE fighters. We're out! We're out!

Red to blue fire! We gotta get out of here!

We're gonna pass a transport to make a jump!

We lost red 2, more incoming! Blue fire taking evasive action!

We lost blue fire!

Oh no! She was a cute one!

Get us clear so we can make the jump!

Be ready, you won't have much time!

Where are all those TIE fighters coming from?

Oh, that's where they were coming from!

Get out of there!

We can't! We're caught in a tractor beam! It's pulling us in!

We're not going to get surprised and make this a fair fight! Don't worry, I'll come back for you! Stay strong!

Is there anything we can do, Nidna?

No, the tractor beam will be too strong.

Cargo vessel TR-141, identify yourselves and prepare to be boarded.

This is TR-141. We are a civilian vessel.

By whose authority are we being detained?

By the authority of the First Order, Resistance scum.

Now bring down your shields and prepare to be boarded.

Screw you!

They'll twit you out there!

They'll want the location of our secret base.

Tell them nothing. The future of the Resistance is at stake.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Stand back from those doors!

What?

The first order has been seized. You are now under the control of General Hux and the First Order.

I thought we'd go out those doors.

You will be interrogated. Everyone off, proceed to your right for interrogation.

We're going to be interrogated? That doesn't sound good. Holy cow.

There's nothing I hate more than stormtroopers.

This is beautiful. And terrifying.

Question, move along.

Okay, I don't need to take photos here because I've seen all of this, but...

This is absolutely... What?

Okay, that...

This is mind-blowing.

Me too. I'd like to get paid for it at least.

I want to know the mechanics of that ship.

We're going to be able to space, side by side.

There'll be two lanes up ahead, one on the left and one on the right.

Use both lanes and keep your units together.

Did he say, there be two lanes? Is he a space pirate?

Oh.

What side are we going on? Okay.

To the right.

Imperial what?

Uh-oh.

The Empire's dead.

So tell me again, what kind of ship is this?

Uh-oh.

All the way forward.

You're in trouble.

This way simplifies this quickly.

Make sure to use both lanes filling an all-bamble space.

Use both lanes filling an all-bamble space.

This way, make sure...

This is mind-blowing.

Move all the way forward to the all-bamble space.

How did the ship move?

Like...

I knew they made it.

How did they make it?

Wrap your hands around the single file.

How many? How many?

Oh, there's two.

Make a new line next to them.

Nice and moist.

Follow them.

There are two stormtroopers standing over there.

Slowly looking around.

These First Order troops look miserable.

I had to wear that hat. I'm being miserable too. It is not a fashion.

They sorta look like imperial duck hunters.

Or First Order duck hunters.

Hehe.

Two.

Okay, the single-file line is creeping me out.

I've seen prison movies.

That's what I'm worried about.

Orange line. Like I said, I've seen prison movies.

When the cell goes open, I'll be holding five of the same ones.

Enter the cell and be able to leave the call found.

Am I clear?

Yes.

I see your data pad out.

Again, what do you think you're doing?

For what reason is this being done?

Guys, what if I push this button here?

We're already going to jail.

What if I push some buttons, we might get out?

See, it lit up.

He was by the door when we got off the ship.

We're already in jail.

Blue red.

Blue red and pink?

Blue red.

It's not me.

That's so hard.

Why are you following my lead?

Stop them.

Good.

Enter the cell.

Fine, I'll leave that on the stage.

And roll the blue and red line into the cellar, now.

And roll the silver and orange line into the cellar.

And quickly synthesize as we don't have all day.

Oh. This is... not good.

This is like Willy Wonka- oh.

Leave us.

Enemies of the First Order. We will soon snap out your meager resistance.

You chose the wrong side and now you will pay.

The resistance prisoners.

You have what I want.

You know the location of the secret base and I will take it from you.

We'll need it on the bridge.

Keep the prisoners here. I will return to finish this personally.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. Are they gone?

Yes.

Good. We're in the business. It's a very good chance.

I'll quickly find this place.

Let's go. Let's go.

We don't have a lot of time.

Let's go. Let's go.

Blue. Red. To your left.

Silver. Orange. To your right.

Okay.

Okay. We're getting in.

We're all coming back with an attack force.

Get to the escape route. Now!

Lieutenant Breck, we need to fight them away.

The resistance is Spanish?

We got a buckle? I got it.

I got a buckle.

Alright, okay, bye-bye.

Why are you wearing a safety strap? Let's go, go, go. We're trying to escape here.

Alright, yellow strap.

Alright, cool.

Hey, you're okay.

You good?

What do you want to say with that?

Here's a pin-up.

What do you want to say with that?

You got it?

You got one chain.

No, it's not a buckle.

It's not a buckle?

Okay.

We are so getting by.

See, it's been

four months, so I can't read

Aurebesh anymore. I've gotten rusty.

Huh?

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Alright, remember,

come around the front row.

Go ahead and pull on that yellow safety strap.

Pull on that yellow strap for me.

Make sure you take your hat off.

Alright, make sure to watch your hands.

My buddy here in the back over there

is going to be closing those doors.

Okay.

Take this corridor to the turbolift.

Then head down to the escape pod base.

Those droids are programmed to return you to Batuu.

Hurry, and don't keep calm.

For your safety, stay seated with seatbelts securely fastened.

Keep hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the transport

and supervise your children.

Tell them it's a prisoner transfer.

Did it work?

Good. Now get a move on.

There's a clear path to the turbolift at the end of the hallway.

Okay, that's cool.

A probe droid.

You're lucky it didn't spot you.

Take those turbolifts and stay out of trouble.

Hey, you're not authorized.

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Your cover is blown.

Find an alternate route.

Holy cow!

Bad abs.

Or AT-STs.

There they are! Fire!

Whoa!

Get cover recruits!

Hey, and there's...

Whoa! Holy cow, we just went up.

We're going backwards.

What the...

This does not look good.

No, it doesn't.

Try to find another way down to the escape points.

The Resistance will attempt to rescue the prisoners.

They have neither the resources nor the courage to engage us.

You underestimate their conviction. Raise the shields.

Shields? I see no evidence.

Shields? I see no evidence. Now!

Sound the alarm! All personnel to their stations!

The prisoners have escaped!

How brave! But ultimately hopeless.

There's nowhere to run.

Hmm.

Oh.

Oh!

Whoa!

Oh!

He's cutting through the room!

I don't think we should be going under these guns.

Oh. Crap.

Attention. All resistance personnel. Abandon ship.

I repeat. Abandon ship. I'm just a soldier in the back.

There's no escape.

Whoa. Kyle, we're right back there.

You will tell me the location of the secret base.

And then I will destroy you and the resistance.

Whoa!

Okay. We're in the escape pod, I think.

Okay. Whoa!

You guys ready?

Whoa. We just flew through a window.

Okay. You're clear.

We're going back to Galaxy West and we're back on my two.

Your escape pods came in on a little target.

Ground crews will meet you outside the wreck.

All right. Nice job, recruits.

Not what you signed on for, but hey, you're resistance now.

I think I have that authority. Right, Beck?

Where's the lieutenant? I need eyes on Beck.

Oh. Whoa.

Hey, dude.

Lieutenant Beck here.

Beck. You're alive.

I should hope so. Great job, recruits.

Thanks to your help.

By heroism, the location of the resistance base is secure.

Bravo.

Yes, R5. You too.

Holy cow.

Oh, no.

Okay. I can have my bag back now.

I feel like those stormtroopers at the beginning were perfect.

That...

was...

incredible.

So I think there's nothing more I can add to that experience.

I think the words speak for itself.

It was freaking amazing.

Yeah, I can't wait to go back probably sometime in 2022.

Because I'm sure when we reopen after all of this,

yeah, we're going to be blocked out even more because of limited capacity.

So at the beginning of the episode,

I mentioned that I felt partially responsible for the park closures.

And here's why.

Well, when I used a comp ticket to go into the studios to go ride Rise

and go to Galaxy's Edge for the first time in three and a half months,

I mentioned that, watch, now that I've used a comp ticket,

that we're going to, you know, the...

I basically said that I thought that the blockouts would be lifted

and then that within two weeks,

cast members and guests would be on the same page,

everybody would get to go.

And, in fact, the opposite happened.

Exactly two weeks after we went to Rise of the Resistance,

everything shut down.

Like, to the day.

And...

Yeah, I apologize.

While COVID wasn't my fault,

the park closures was just a little bit of my own bad luck.

So sorry, world.

But hopefully we'll be open soon,

and we'll be getting back to normal,

and I'll be out of the house for more than maybe ten minutes a day.

And so will you.

So will all of us.

So with that,

I wish all of you a very happy first of May,

this year for the first time ever,

the only thing offensive about the end of the show

isn't bad language,

it's just really bad singing.

I apologize in advance,

but, eh, not really.

So keep having fun with whatever you're doing,

wherever you are.

I will see you next time.

Until then, I'll be hopefully wandering around the Orlando area.

Doing what?

Well, I'm trapped on vacation.

Bye now.

I woke up this morning

I had a scone and a large house blend

Then a little conversation

With my squirrel and chipmunk friends

I said I'm sick and tired of wind

And I wish that it was spring

Then a little fella named Robin Redbreast

Began to sing

And he sang

Ooh, child, what'd you think of me?

Quarantine's gonna last forever

Ooh, child, now's the time

For all the people to get together

Inside

Cause it's the first of May

First of May

Social distance

Starts today

So bring your favorite lady

Or at least your favorite thing

Water's not cold, baby, dip in your victor

Maybe I'll see you in flagrante delicto

Grass below you, sky above

Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called

Stayin' inside

I thanked him for the information

I cried a little when he flew away

I watched an episode of the People's Court

And I tried to plan my date

I called up my old lady

She wasn't home, so I called my girl

I asked her if she'd like to join me

As I entertain the world

And I said

Ooh, child, I'll bring a blanket

And I promise I will brush the ants off

Ooh, child, I'll bring a blanket

Ooh, child, you're gonna like it

Taking each other's masks off

I'll sign

Cause it's the first of May

First of May

More hand washing

Starts today

So bring your favorite lady

Or at least your favorite thing

Water's not cold, baby, dip in your victor

Maybe I'll see you in flagrante delicto

Grass below you, sky above

Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called

Toilet paper

So we went to the park together

We were walkin' in the midday sun

Met all kinds of people and we

Stayed away from them

Not a lady who sells ice cream

Or a man with a tan sharp hair

Everyone who needed

Distance

They got some today

So come on

Ooh, child, open your mind

And your heart

Feel the spirit movin' through you

Ooh, child, you'll feel the warmth of the love

When I stick it to you

Outside

Cause it's the first of May

First of May

Stay the hell away from me

So bring your favorite lady

Or at least your favorite thing

Water's not cold, baby, dip in your victor

Maybe I'll see you in flagrante delicto

Grass below you, sky above

Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called

Stayin' inside

Hey, thanks for being such a great test crew.

Come back and ride any time.

Bye now.

Bye.

Watch your step when exiting the vehicle

And remember to take all your personal belongings.

Thank you.

Okay.

Bye.

Thank you.

Bye.

Oh, thank you all so much for being here.

And thank you for all you guys that have joined me.

I'm going to go now.

Bye.