私たちはどこまでもわがままでいます

Wagamama Girls

わがままな女たち (Wagamama Girls)

私たちはどこまでもわがままでいます

ん

Hmm.

こんにちはわがままな女たちです遅れてきた社会人楓と

Hello, we are the selfish women. Latecomer working adult Kaede and...

今さら大学デビューの秋穂がやりたい放題わがままな人生について語っていきます

I will talk about Akiho, who is making a late debut in college and living a self-indulgent and selfish life.

わかるーと共感したりこんな人生あってもいいんだと思ってもらえたら嬉しいです

I would be happy if you could empathize and think that it's okay to have a life like this.

みなさんこんにちはわがままガールズの楓です

Hello everyone, this is Kaede from the Whimsical Girls.

3週間ぶりくらいになってしまって

It's been about three weeks.

あれ最近上げてないねという話

We were talking about how we haven't posted that recently.

私もちょっとあったので

I had a little bit too.

あそろそろやらなきゃなーとか思ってたんですけど

I was just thinking it's about time I should get it done.

そんなやらなきゃいけないほど

It's not something that has to be done that much.

すごいたくさん

A lot.

なんかデマンドがあるわけでもないので

It's not like there's any demand for it.

まあいいタイミングでできればいいかなって思って

I thought it would be nice if it could be done at a good timing.

ちょっと今日撮ることにしました

I decided to take some pictures today.

で、まあ気づいてる人もいると思うんですけど

Well, I think there are some people who have noticed it.

私今私一人だけで撮っているので

I'm taking the pictures by myself right now.

ちょっと今日はそこも含めていろいろお話したいなと思っています

I would like to talk about various things, including that, today.

えーとまず最初にですね

Um, first of all,

なんかいい言い方があまり見つからないんですけど

I can't really find a good way to say this, but...

一緒にいつもやっているわがままガールズの秋穂が

The selfish girl Akiho, who is always with us.

えーとまあ家族だったり友達だったり大切な人だったり

Well, you know, it could be family, friends, or important people.

っていうのを置いて

Putting that aside.

急にいなくなってしまったので

Because I suddenly disappeared.

えーまあポッドキャストも

Well, I suppose podcasts too...

えー私たちもともと二人でやろうって

Uh, we were originally planning to do it just the two of us.

言っていた話だったので

It was something they had mentioned.

これを私が一人で続けていっても

Even if I continue this on my own...

別に面白いことでは私にとってはないので

It's not particularly interesting to me.

えーまあ

Well, um...

今日で

Today

ポッドキャストをやっていくのは

Doing a podcast is...

最後にしようかなと思っています

I’m thinking of making this the last one.

まあ

Well...

ですね

That's right.

えーと

Um...

始めたのが4月くらいだったので

I started around April.

まあ約5ヶ月くらいで

Well, in about 5 months or so.

本当になんか多分

I guess it's really something.

何十話っていうのかな

I wonder how many episodes it is.

何十エピソードとか何百エピソードとか

Dozens of episodes or hundreds of episodes.

撮ってる人に比べたら

Compared to the person taking the picture.

全然私たちがやってきたことって

What we've done so far is nothing at all.

大したことではないと思うんですけど

I don't think it's a big deal, though.

まあそれでも

Well, still...

えー

Ehh?

毎週を目標にして

Aiming for every week.

こういろんな話について

About different kinds of stories.

えー私たちなりの

Well, in our own way.

わがままな考えとかを

Selfish thoughts and such

えー

Uh...

言えてきたのは

What can be said is

言えてきたプラットフォームがあったのは

There was a platform that could say it.

えー

Eh?

楽しかったっていうか

It was fun, or rather...

ありがたいことだったなと思っています

I think it was a blessing.

えーまあ一人でやっても

Well, I guess I can do it alone.

私的に全然楽しくない

It's not fun at all for me.

楽しくないというか

It's not that fun, or rather...

私は別に一人でやるつもりはないので

I'm not planning to do it alone, anyway.

まあ

Well.

あきほがもういなくなってしまった手前

With Akiho no longer here...

えー

Eh?

まあここで

Well, here...

ちょっと一旦最後にしようかなーと

I think I'll just end it for now.

思っています

I am thinking.

えー今日はそこら辺の

Um, today around there...

なんか話とかをちょっとしようと思って

I thought I would talk a bit.

なかなか自分の時間を取るというか

It's quite difficult to take my own time.

えーちゃんとなんか

E-chan and something.

言葉にして言える時間がちょっとかかってしまったんで

It took me a little time to put it into words.

えー

Uh...

まあ今日のポッドキャストも

Well, today's podcast too...

まあ最終回ということなんですけど

Well, it's the final episode.

えーもしかしたらちょっとダラダラしちゃうかもしれないし

Well, I might end up being a bit lazy.

まあ編集はいつもあきほがやってくれていたので

Well, Akiho has always been the one editing.

なんか編集

Something editing

私が今回編集してちょっとやるのも

What I'm editing this time is a bit of a challenge.

もしかしたら拙いかもしれないんで

It might be clumsy, so...

あのー

Um...

いつも聞いてる感じじゃないかもしれないんですけど

It might not sound like it, but...

もしよかったらえー

If you don't mind...

最後まで聞いててくれると嬉しいです

I would be happy if you listen until the end.

えーじゃあですね

Well then,

まあ今日せっかく最終回ということなんで

Well, since today is the final episode after all...

んー

Hmm...

なんか

Somehow

えー

Ehh?

なんか

Something.

最終回っぽい話っていうのかな

Is it a story that feels like the final episode?

なんかできたらいいなーと思ってたんですけど

I was hoping I could do something.

まあ

Well.

んー

Hmm.

まあ

Well...

考えてもしょうがないので

There's no point in thinking about it, so...

ちょっと私が思っている今の気持ちとか

Just a little about how I feel right now.

を素直に話して

Please speak honestly.

えー

Ehm…

終われたらいいなと思ってます

I hope it can come to an end.

まあまず最初にですね

Well, first of all,

あのー

Um...

もちろん知ってる人は知っているんだけど

Of course, there are people who know.

そんなあきほが急にいなくなっちゃったってことで

So, Akiho suddenly disappeared, huh?

んー

Hmm.

なんか自分もすごいプロセスするのに時間がかかっていて

It seems like it's also taking me a long time to go through a significant process.

まだまだなんて言うんだろう

I wonder what they would say about still being not enough.

あのー

Um...

まあ時間ももちろんないし

Well, of course, there's no time.

えー

Uh...

なんか逃亡っていうんですかね

I guess you could say it's an escape, huh?

なんか逃げてる自分もまだいるので

There is still a part of me that is running away.

あのー

Um...

なんとなーくぼやーっとした

I felt somewhat vague and hazy.

あのー

Um...

感覚というか

It's more of a feeling.

うん

Yeah.

なんかはっきりあそうなんだっていうのを受け止めてはいないんですけど

I'm not really accepting the fact that it is clearly that way, though.

あのー

Um...

だからといって

That being said.

なんかこれからいろんなところとかで

It seems that various places will be coming up from now on.

なんか誰かと話をしていったときに

When I was talking to someone about something...

あのー

Um...

まあ過去形にするつもりが自分の中に今は全然なくって

Well, I have no intention of putting it in the past at all right now.

あのー

Um...

なんていうんですかね

What do you call it?

だったとか

It was like that or something.

そういう人だったみたいな

It seems like that type of person.

そういう過去にする

Make it a past like that.

あのー

Um...

まだなんか

Not yet something.

気持ちとかもなんかそういうのが全く感覚がわからないので

I have no sense of feelings or anything like that at all.

ちょっとなんかぼやけて話になっちゃうかもしれないんですけど

It might be a bit blurred and hard to follow, but...

まあ私の今の気持ちとしては本当に

Well, my current feeling is that it's really...

んー

Hmm...

今言ったみたいにぼやーっとしていて

As I just said, I'm feeling a bit fuzzy.

本当になんていうんだろう

I wonder what to really say.

あーそうなんだーとは言いつつ

"Oh, is that so?" is what I say, but...

本当なのかしらみたいなところがあって

There’s a part of me that wonders if it’s really true.

でもやっぱり友達とか知ってる人とかと一緒に話しすると

But still, when I talk with friends or people I know...

なんか急にそれがぶわっときて

Suddenly, it just hit me all at once.

あーそっかーっていう

Ah, I see.

なんていうんですかね

What do you call it?

なんか虚無感じゃないけど

It's not exactly a feeling of emptiness, but...

なんかなくなっちゃった

Something has disappeared.

エンプティーな感じがちょっと

It feels a bit empty.

あるかなって感じですね

It feels like there might be something.

まあでも

Well, but...

あのー

Um...

写真とかねそういうのとかが全然見れなくて

I can't see any photos or things like that at all.

えー

Uh...

なんか

Something.

忘れたくないのか

Do you not want to forget?

忘れたいのかとか

"Do you want to forget?"

逃げたいのか受け止めてるのかとかね

Whether you want to escape or you're accepting it, you know?

逃げたいのかも自分の中で全然分かってなくて

I might want to run away, but I don't really understand it within myself at all.

あのー

Um...

どういう気持ちで自分がいたいのかが

How do I want to feel?

あの整理が全くついていないので

I'm completely unable to organize that.

なんかわーみたいな騒いだりすることはもうないんだけど

It's not like we make a ruckus or anything anymore.

あのー

Um...

前向こうみたいな

Like looking forward.

なんかそういう気持ちは今んとこゼロって感じでしたね

I felt like I had zero feelings like that at the moment.

んーかな

Hmm, maybe.

まあでもねそういうの

Well, you know, that sort of thing...

そういう経験ってそんなに多くするもんじゃないと思うから

I don't think you have those kinds of experiences very often.

まあ仕方ないなと自分に聞かせて

Well, I convince myself that it can't be helped.

まあでもまあ毎日仕事とか

Well, but still, every day at work or something.

あの他の予定とかはやってくるわけだから

Well, other plans will come up, you know.

それを淡々となんかこなすしか

I can only handle it calmly.

今の自分にはえーと

Well, I guess I don't really have an answer for that right now.

毎日を過ごしていく

Spending each day.

エネルギーがちょっとないなっていう感じかな

I feel like I don't have much energy.

なんかでも最近すぐ顔が疲れてるねとかって言われると

"I've been told recently that my face looks tired."

言われることが増えてるんで

I'm being told more and more.

ちょっとなんか支障が出てきてるのもさすがにちょっとね

Well, there are some issues arising, so it's a bit concerning.

あれなんですけど

About that...

まあね顔も疲れるよって感じですね

Well, it feels like your face gets tired too.

えーそうですねそれが今の気持ちかな

Well, I guess that's how I feel right now.

多分私だけじゃなくて

Maybe it's not just me.

なんか周り

Something around.

割と近い人たちは

People who are relatively close.

本当になんかそういう気持ちなんじゃないかなっていうのは思ってるんで

I really do think that it's kind of like that feeling.

まあ私だけじゃないんだけど

Well, it's not just me.

そのー

Um...

時間が湧かないっていうのが

I can't find the time.

一番たぶんしっくりくる言葉なのかなっていうのがあったんで

I think there was a word that probably resonated the most with me.

ねー本当に時間が来る日が

Hey, the day when time really comes.

あの時間湧く日が来るのかすらもわからないし

I don't even know if that day will come when I feel like I'm bubbling with energy.

なんかいろいろもう見てすぎるけど

I've already seen quite a lot of different things.

未来の話とかは今ちょっとあんまり

I'm not really into talking about the future right now.

なんかしたくなくなっちゃうなっていう気持ちとかはちょっとあるかもしれないですね

I might have some feelings where I just don't want to do anything.

うん

Yeah.

でー

Well then.

じゃあ私の今の気持ちはこんなんですって言うと

Well, if I were to express how I feel right now, it would be like this:

えっと

Um...

そういったことについて

About such things.

自分の気持ちが

My feelings are

私のことを

About me.

自分のことを

About myself.

伝えていって

Please convey it.

そういったところを

In such places.

感じたことについて

About what I felt.

やり直しをして

Do it again.

こうしたことを

Such things

作ろうとして

Trying to create

そうしたことを

Such things

ちょっと

Just a little.

そういったことを

Such things.

ちょっと

Just a bit.

ある程度

To some extent

感じて

Feel it.

うん

Yeah.

できて

"Can do" or "Able to do"

っていう

That is to say.

まぁ

Well...

そういう感じで

In that kind of way.

はい

Yes

そういう感じで

In that kind of way.

人と会話を

Talk to people.

言って

Say it.

ちょっと終わりたいなと思うんですけど

I feel like I want to end this a little.

多分聞いて

Maybe listen.

十何回くらいですかね

I think it's about ten or so times.

聞いてくれて

Thank you for listening.

なんとなく秋穂のこういうところ

I kind of like this side of Akiho.

こういう性格があったかっていうのを

I wonder if I had this kind of personality.

分かり始めてた人も

Even the people who were starting to understand.

もしかしたらいるのかなと思うんですけど

I wonder if they might be there.

自分たちの自己紹介とか

Our self-introductions, etc.

お互いの最初の出会いとか

Our first meeting and such.

そういうところを話してはいたんだけど

I was talking about those kinds of things.

それって事実という部分でしかなくて

That's just a matter of fact.

実際私たちってこういう性格なのよねとか

Actually, it's true that we have this kind of personality.

っていうのを

That which is called...

お互いが思っている性格とか

The personalities we each think we have.

お互いが好きなお互いの部分とかを

The parts of each other that we like about each other.

言う機会は

Opportunities to speak

ポッドキャストでも

In the podcast as well.

実際の場面

Actual scene

とかでもあんまりいなかったので

There weren't really that many, even in that case.

ちょっと恥ずかしいことだからこそ

It's precisely because it's a bit embarrassing.

なんか言えなかったんだけど

I couldn't really say anything.

今となったらね

Now that it's come to this.

もしかしたら遅いかもしれないんですけど

It might be late, but...

ちょっとせっかくだし

Since it's a special occasion, let's do it a little bit.

私が思う

I think.

10年間付き合ってきた

We have been together for 10 years.

秋穂のいいところっていうか

What’s great about Akiho is...

私にとっての秋穂という存在を

The existence of Akiho for me.

ちょっと話したいなと思います

I would like to talk a little.

えー

Umm...

えぇ

Sure.

まあ性格の部分では

Well, in terms of personality...

本当にね

Really now.

なんかど真面目だったなって思うんだけど

I feel like it was really serious, you know?

高校生の時からもすごい真面目にあってて

We've been really serious about it since high school.

でももしかしたら自分は真面目になりたくないんだけど

But maybe I don't want to be serious.

真面目にさせられちゃってたのかなとか

I wonder if I was being made to be serious.

あのそういうなんか葛藤見たのも

Well, seeing that kind of conflict...

会話見えている時期とかはよくあった気がして

I feel like there were often times when I could see the conversation.

多分どうなんだろうそこをもしかしたら

Maybe, I wonder how it is there, possibly.

秋穂は見られたくないのかもしれないけど

Akiho might not want to be seen.

そういうふうに思ってる時とかもありました

There were times when I thought that way too.

なんでその秋穂でこういう性格だよねっていうのを

I wonder why that Akiho has this kind of personality.

正直なんか決めつけになりかねないから

To be honest, it might end up being a bit of a presumption.

その言うのとかをためらってた時とかがあって

There were times when I hesitated to say things like that.

こういうふうに見られたくないのに

I don't want to be seen like this.

こういうふうだよねって言われることが

It's often said that this is how it is, right?

余計にもしかしたらプレッシャーに感じることって

It might feel like unnecessary pressure.

誰にでもあると思うから

I think it happens to everyone.

どういうふうに言われたいんだろうっていうのを

I wonder how I would like to be told.

考えたこともあったんだけど

I had thought about it before, though.

今は好きなことを言えるので正直に言うと

Since I can now say what I like, to be honest,

私にとって秋穂は本当に真面目な人だなっていう感じですね

For me, Akiho really feels like a serious person.

だからこそ反動でなんか金髪にしてみちゃったりとか

That's why I ended up trying something like dyeing my hair blonde as a reaction.

なんだろう

I wonder what it is.

やらかしてみたりとかそういうのはあったんだろうと思うけど

I think there were things like trying to mess up or something like that.

それも含めて彼女なりの逃げ方みたいなのを

It seems to be her own way of escaping, including that.

模索してる中でのそういうことだったのかなっていうのは思いますね

I think that's something I realized while searching for answers.

やっぱり秋穂は本当に優しくて

After all, Akiho is really kind.

誰よりも優しいかな

I wonder if I'm kinder than anyone else.

優しいっていう言葉の一言だけで表せないんだけど

It's hard to express it with just the word "kind."

なんていうんですかね

What do you call it, I wonder?

そういうのはなんていうんだろう

I wonder what that's called.

慈悲深いわけじゃない

It's not that I'm compassionate.

なんていうんだろうな

I wonder what to call it.

わかんないけど優しいです

I don't know, but it's kind.

優しい本当にまめらしい

Kind, truly like a bean.

旅行の話のエピソードとかでも言ったかなと思うんですけど

I think I might have mentioned episodes about travel stories or something like that.

計画立ててくれたりとか調べてくれるとか

Like planning things out for me or researching for me.

そういう具体例みたいな部分もそうなんだけど

It's part of those specific examples, but...

抽象的なところで気持ちの面とかでもやっぱり優しくて

In an abstract sense, they are still kind when it comes to feelings.

本当はツンツンしてるんだっけツンツンしてて

Are you actually being prickly? You're being prickly, huh?

なんか自分がわがままに振る舞いたいんだけど

I want to act a bit selfishly.

そういう秋穂でもコントロールできない秋穂の性格の部分で

In that aspect of Akiho's personality that cannot be controlled, even Akiho herself.

やっぱり優しさっていうか

After all, it's about kindness.

やってあげよみたいな

It's like saying "I'll do it for you" or "I'll help you out."

やってあげなきゃな困ってるしなみたいな

"I guess I have to help them since they're in trouble."

お世話焼きみたいなところがすごいあったから

Because there was a part that was really like a caretaker.

自分がこの今の仕事とかこれからね

My current job and what lies ahead.

これからっていうか当時悩んだ時に

It's not that it's just now, but back when I was struggling at that time.

この仕事どうしようかなって言って

I'm wondering what to do about this job.

秋穂に相談することとかが多くて

I often consult with Akiho about things.

その時に秋穂がじゃあ聞いてみてあげようかとか

At that time, Akiho said, "Well, should I try asking?"

私もちょっと見ててあげるよとか

I'll just watch it for a bit too.

そういう誰かの助けになろうとしていることを

Trying to be of help to someone like that.

すごいいっぱいやってくれてたので

You did so much for me.

そういうところも含めて

Including those aspects as well.

秋穂って優しい人だなっていうのはね

Akiho is such a kind person, you know.

ずっと思ってます

I've been thinking about it all along.

けど多分本人はそんなことないよとか

But probably the person themselves doesn't think that way.

なんかうるさいなとか

It's kind of noisy, isn't it?

言うんだろうなと思うんですけど

I think they would say that.

本当に誰よりも優しいなって思いますね

I really think you are kinder than anyone else.

先日秋穂とも仲いい友達とかと喋ってた時に

The other day, I was talking with a friend who is close with Akiho.

ちょうど話が出たんですけど

Speaking of which, it just came up.

もしかしたら秋穂の本当の部分の性格っていうか

Maybe it's about the true part of Akiho's personality.

秋穂がわかってほしい性格?

What kind of personality does Akiho want you to understand?

秋穂がわかってほしい秋穂という人について

I want you to understand about the person named Akiho.

私たち10年くらい付き合ってきたけど

We have been together for about 10 years.

もしかしたら一個もわかってなかったんじゃないのかな

Maybe you didn't understand even one thing.

っていう話が一瞬出て

There was a brief mention of that話.

っていうのも

The reason is that

やっぱり私たちが見る秋穂ってこういう人だよって

After all, this is the kind of person we see in Akiho.

思ってはいたものの

Even though I was thinking that way.

それが秋穂にとって

For Akiho, that is...

なんかプレッシャーじゃないけどストレスじゃないけど

It's not really pressure, but it's not stress either.

なんて言うんですかね

What do you say?

その

That

そうじゃないのになぁ

That's not the case, though.

こういう風に振る舞っちゃう私

I behave this way.

みたいな風な感じに捉えられてたのかなっていうのも

I wonder if it was perceived in a way like that.

一瞬やっぱ思ってるっていう話をしましたね

We talked about how I really was thinking about it for a moment.

だから本当に秋穂が見せたかった秋穂の素とか

So, it’s really the true side of Akiho that Akiho wanted to show.

本当の秋穂を

The true Akiho.

私とかその友達とかじゃなくて

Not just me or my friends.

だけじゃなくて

Not just that.

もしかしたらあの

Maybe that...

誰にも見せられなかったら

If I couldn't show it to anyone.

本当のかもなっていうのは

It might really be true.

誰のせいでもないのかもしれないけど

It might not be anyone's fault.

あの

Um...

もしかしたら私たちが見てた秋穂って秋穂じゃないのかなっていうのは

Maybe the Akiho we were looking at isn't really Akiho.

なんか一生考えちゃうような内容

It's the kind of content that makes you think about it for a lifetime.

なんかことだなっていうのはちょっと話をしてましたね

We were talking a bit about how it's kind of a thing.

だから今私が思う秋穂ってこういう人だよって言っても

So even if I say that this is the kind of person I think Akiho is right now,

結局それは多分正解じゃないと

In the end, that's probably not the correct answer.

思うから

Because I think so.

秋穂ってどういう人なんだろうっていうのを

I wonder what kind of person Akiho is.

私は解明っていうか見せてもらえることが

I mean, it's not about revealing it, but being able to see it.

できてないのかなっていうのは思って

I wonder if I haven't been able to do it.

そこはねもうちょっとなんか頑張ってってことでもないんだけど

It's not that you need to try a little harder there, though.

秋穂が弱さとか寂しさとかも見せられるような

Akiho can show her weakness and loneliness too.

友達でいて

Let's be friends.

あげたいなとは思うけど

I want to give it, but...

どうなるだろう

I wonder what will happen.

そう思ってもらえる場面がどっかで

I hope there’s a scene where you can think that way.

一瞬でもなんか高校時代でも大学時代でもあれば

If there was even just a moment during high school or college...

良かったかなと思うんですけど

I wonder if it was good.

そういう人になれるようにね

I hope you can become that kind of person.

私もちょっと頑張りたいなっていうか

I want to try a little harder too.

修行を積みたいなって感じだけど

I feel like I want to train and improve.

まあ

Well...

秋穂

Akiho

まあ少なからず秋穂という存在は

Well, to some extent, the existence of Akiho is...

私にとって

For me

こんな人ですっていうのを

This is the kind of person [they are].

ちょっとお話ししてみました

I tried talking a little.

割とねあの喋ってたり

Well, it's quite talkative.

実際会ってる時とかは本当

When we actually meet, it's really...

どこまでもわがままで

As selfish as can be.

なんだろうなんか

I wonder what it is.

オラオラしてるなっていう感じなんだけど

It feels like you're being a bit pushy.

やっぱりなんかツンデレ感がもう半端なくて

After all, the tsundere vibe is just off the charts.

酔ったりとかもそうだけど

It's not just about getting drunk, but...

ふとした時になんか

At unexpected moments, somehow...

ぽろっと出るなんか

Something that slips out.

言葉とかがやっぱ変わってきて

Words and things have definitely changed, after all.

可愛いし

It's cute.

秋穂と一緒になんか遊んだりとか

Playing together with Akiho or something like that.

キャンプとかなんか出かけたりとかする時に

When going out for things like camping or something.

本当秋穂って憎めない

Akiho really can't be hated.

可愛いなみたいなのはね

It's like being cute, you know?

やっぱ思うので

I thought so after all.

そういうところが

That's the kind of place.

ある秋穂は本当に

Aru Akiho is truly

愛されキャラというか

It's more like a lovable character.

憎めない可愛いやつだなと思いますね

I think it's a cute little guy that's hard to hate.

顔も可愛いからね秋穂

Because your face is cute too, Akiho.

全てがね可愛くて

Everything is so cute.

秋穂になりたいなと思ったんだけど

I thought I wanted to become an autumn breeze.

もしかしたらね

Maybe so.

それを思ってたのは私だけかもしれないから

It might just be me who was thinking that way.

なんとも言えませんが

I can't say for sure, but...

まあ最終回ということで

Well, since it's the final episode...

私が思う秋穂という人について

About the person I think Akiho is.

ちょっとあの

Um, well...

ラブレター

Love letter

ラブメッセージ的なものを

Something like a love message.

言わせてもらいました

I was allowed to say it.

でどうだろう

So, what do you think?

えーこれから

Um, from now on...

これからをちょっと一瞬考えてみたんですけど

I just took a moment to think about the future.

あの

Um...

ポッドキャストだけじゃなくてね

Not just podcasts.

自分の将来っていうかこれからとかをちょっと

About my future, or rather what’s coming up.

えー

Uh...

考えてみて

Think about it.

今のところはちょっとその考えが全然つかなくて

At the moment, I can't really grasp that idea at all.

あの

Um...

ちょっとね曖昧な表現で申し訳ないんですけど

I'm sorry for the somewhat vague expression.

秋穂がその今いなくなっちゃったから

Because Akiho is no longer here now.

その

That

秋穂とやりたいなと思ってたことを

I was thinking about things I wanted to do with Akihō.

これからどうやって自分はやっていこうかなって

I'm thinking about how I should move forward from here.

思ったりとか

Thinking about things, etc.

その

That

いなくなった席っていうんですかね

I guess it's called an empty seat.

いなくなったポジションを

The position that has disappeared.

なんか私はどうやってその

I'm not sure how to do that.

隙間とかを

Gaps and such

あの埋めていくのかなとか考えたんですけど

I was thinking about whether they would fill that in or not.

多分そのなくなった隙間っていうのは

Maybe that missing gap is...

埋められないから

Because I can't bury it.

その空いたままなんだろうな

I guess it's just left empty like that.

とは思うんだけど

I think so, but...

その空いた隙間が

That empty gap

なんか

Somehow

いい隙間って言ったらあれだけど

When you say a good gap, it’s like that, but...

その

That.

空いたままでもいいなと思えるような

I think it's okay to leave it empty.

あの将来になれればいいなと思っていて

I hope I can become that in the future.

っていうのもその

The reason is that...

まあ秋穂の代わりはいないので

Well, there's no substitute for Akiho.

その秋穂という人に会えて

I'm glad to have met that person named Akiho.

あの一緒に過ごしてきた時間とか

The time we spent together.

その内容とか思い出とかが

Such content and memories.

なんか自分の中で

Somehow within myself.

すごいなんか役に立ったって言ったらあれだけど

That's amazing, but it may be a bit much to say it was helpful.

その良かったなって思えるものに

I'm glad to think of that.

あのできる

That can do it.

生かし

To make use of.

そういうのを

Things like that.

そういう経験とか思いとかを生かして

By utilizing those experiences and feelings.

ちょっと自分の人生につなげていきたいなっていう

I want to connect it a little bit to my own life.

感じかな

I wonder how it feels.

なんか

Somehow

当たり前はないなって思わせてくれたのも秋穂だし

Akiho is the one who made me realize that nothing is taken for granted.

うーん

Hmm.

なんかもうちょっと友達に

I want to be a little more like a friend.

なんか優しくしようとかって思わせてくれたのも秋穂だし

It was also Akiho who made me want to be kind.

うーん

Hmm.

うん

Yeah.

そうだな

That's right.

あの

Um...

そうですね

That's right.

うーん

Hmm.

なんかうまく言えないけど

I can't quite say it well, but...

その

That.

言いたいことが

What I want to say is.

言いたいことっていうかその

What I want to say is, well...

愚痴とかそういうのじゃなくて

It's not like complaining or anything like that.

その伝えたいことがあった時には

When there is something I want to convey

なんか

Somehow

どの形でもいいから

I don't mind the shape at all.

固化しないで伝えられたらいいなっていうのを

"I hope it can be conveyed without solidifying."

教えてくれたのは秋穂だから

It was Akihou who taught me.

なんかそういうことを

Something like that.

これからの

From now on.

人生

Life

まあ自分もね

Well, I guess I too...

どうなるか本当にわかんないんだけど

I really don't know what will happen.

あの

Um...

今ある人生の中で

In the life I have now.

あの

Um...

そういうのをいっぱいやっていって

Keep doing a lot of things like that.

振り返った時に

When I looked back

ああすごい幸せだったなって

Ah, I remember being so happy.

思えるような毎日をね

A daily life that feels meaningful.

毎日無駄にしないで

Don't waste your days.

生活できればいいなと思っています

I hope to be able to live well.

どうだろう

I wonder how it is.

こんな感じで

Like this.

全然伝わ

Not at all conveyed.

伝わったのかどうかもわかんなくて

I don't know if it got through or not.

もはや

No longer

独り言レベルなんですけど

It's like a level of talking to myself.

うーん

Hmm.

まあこんな感じです

Well, it's something like this.

なので本当になんかね

So, it really feels like...