良い意味で自分について気にするようになった

丘村奈央子

丘村の【今日のゆるオト】

こんにちは岡村直子です

Hello, I am Naoko Okamura.

仕事のこと趣味のことちょっといいことをゆるりと語るゆる音です

It's a relaxed talk about work, hobbies, and a few nice things.

今日は9月の9日月曜日

Today is Monday, September 9th.

大学院に通い始めて4月から通って7月に1回前期が終わって

I started attending graduate school in April, and the first semester ended once in July.

今夏休みというところです

It's currently summer vacation.

9月の頭先週に前期の成績がついて何単位取れたかっていうのを確定して

At the beginning of September last week, I confirmed how many credits I had earned for the first term.

今週また後期の履修登録をした後に9月の20日から新学期ということになってます

This week, after registering for the second semester again, the new semester is set to start on September 20th.

なので少し時間の余裕があるというか

So, it means that I have a bit of extra time.

こういう配信というのも久しぶりにやってみようかと思って

I was thinking about trying this kind of livestream again after a long time.

今おしゃべりしているところです

I'm currently chatting.

今日お話ししたいのは

What I want to talk about today is

良い意味で自分について気にするようになったというところです

It's about the fact that I've started to care about myself in a good way.

これは大学院に通い始めて

I started attending graduate school.

お仕事からちょっと離れてそういう学校に行ってみて

Take a break from work and try going to that kind of school.

意外に感じた心持ちだったので

It was a feeling that I found surprisingly.

結構自分にとって大ニュースなんですね

It’s quite big news for me, isn’t it?

想定外の結果というか

It's more like an unexpected result.

研究とか学習についてはそういう場所に行くので

I go to places like that for research and studying.

何がしか収穫はあるだろうと思って

I thought there would be some kind of harvest.

それ以外の自分の心持ちについて

About my other feelings.

こういう心理状態というか

It's like this kind of mental state.

こんな気持ちになるんだというのが

I never knew I could feel this way.

ちょっとびっくりしたので

I was a little surprised.

今日お伝えしようと思いました

I thought I would convey this today.

仕事からちょっと離れて大学院というと

When I step away from work for a bit and think about graduate school,

あんまり社会人入試で入ったとはいえ

Even though I entered through the working adult entrance exam...

20代23歳の人たちと一緒にお勉強しているわけで

I'm studying together with people in their 20s, around 23 years old.

あんまりもう

Not too much anymore.

私がそれまで何してたかというのは

"What I was doing until then was..."

関係ないし

It doesn't matter.

聞いてくる人も少ないというか

There are hardly any people who ask about it.

先生方は入試の時

Teachers during entrance examinations.

飲試の時に

During the tasting.

こういう人来るなというので

"Don't come if you're this kind of person."

履歴書を見て知ってたりもすると思うんですけど

I think you might know this from my resume as well.

同級生の皆さんとしては

As for you, my classmates,

年の離れた人いるなぐらいな感じで

It feels like there is someone quite a bit older than me.

あんまり関係ないみたいです

It seems to be not very relevant.

自分にとってもその方が

That would be better for me too.

かなり新鮮な環境というか

It's quite a fresh environment, you could say.

それがすごい良い効果を生んでるなと思いました

I thought that was creating a really good effect.

どうしてかっていうと

The reason is that...

今まで仕事でいろいろお話をする場所

A place where I've discussed various things for work until now.

お客さんに呼ばれて

Called by a customer.

何か交渉してお仕事いただいてくるとか

"Negotiate something and get a job."

仕事の関係の交流会とかに行って

I go to networking events related to work.

名刺交換をしてくるとか

Like exchanging business cards.

そういう時ってもう

At times like that...

当たり前ですけど

It's obvious, but...

必ず利害関係が出てきます

There will inevitably be conflicts of interest.

この人は私にお仕事を聞いてくれて

This person asked me about my job.

お仕事を頼んでくれる人だろうかとか

I wonder if they will ask me to do some work.

この人にとって役に立つ自分というのを

"I want to be a helpful person for this individual."

ちゃんとお知らせしたいっていう

I want to properly let you know.

欲みたいのが必ずついてもあるというか

It's more like there's always a desire attached.

それをアピールするための場所に行って

Go to a place to promote that.

お仕事を取ってくるっていうのが目標なので

My goal is to bring in work.

当たり前ではあるんですけど

It's obvious, but...

そこからもううまく

From there, things didn't go well anymore.

すごい切り離されたところにいるなと思います

I think you are in a really isolated place.

どう見えてるかとか

How it looks or something like that.

どう見られたいかっていうのは

It's about how you want to be perceived.

もちろんゼロではないんですけど

Of course, it's not zero.

それはもう何でしょうね

I wonder what that is.

仕事がどうじゃなくて

It's not about the work.

もうちょっと自分の本体に近い部分というか

It's more like a part that's closer to my true self.

鎧とか革の部分じゃなくて

Not the armor or the leather parts.

自分の中身について

About my inner self.

純粋に自分はどう見せたいんだろう

I wonder how I truly want to present myself.

見せたいでもないな

I don't really want to show it.

自分は何をしたいんだろうとか

I wonder what I want to do.

どうありたいんだろうっていう

I wonder how I want to be.

別に見え方はあまり関係なくて

The way it looks doesn't really matter much.

じゃあ己はどうするんだっていうのを

So, what are you going to do about it?

毎日突きつけられている感じが

I feel like I'm being confronted with it every day.

あるんですけど

There is.

だから余計なことを考えなくていいというか

So you don't have to think about unnecessary things.

かなりすっきりした気持ちになるというか

It's like feeling quite refreshed.

あとお金のことは考えなくていいっていう

You don't have to worry about money anymore.

気安さもあり

There is also a sense of familiarity.

自分がどうしたいかで

Based on what I want to do.

年の離れた

Years apart

それこそ30年ぐらい離れている人たちと

That's with people I've been apart from for about 30 years.

お話をしたり

Talking

その人たちとも

With those people too.

単に自分の体験とか経験だけを

Just my own experiences or encounters.

バックボーンにして

Make it the backbone.

自分の体験とか経験だけを

Only my own experiences or encounters.

私はこういう経験をしてきたので

I have had experiences like this.

こう思いますっていうことだけを

I just think this.

話せばよいっていう環境が

An environment where it's okay to talk.

すごい心地いいなと思いました

I thought it was really comfortable.

大学生

University student

自分が本当に20代

I really am in my twenties.

半ばというか

"Rather, it is halfway."

20歳そこそこぐらいの時の

When I was around 20 years old.

学部生っていう経験もあるんですけれど

I have the experience of being an undergraduate student, though.

その時も同じように

At that time too, in the same way.

利害関係なんかなくって

There's no conflict of interest or anything like that.

自分次第でどうにかっていうのは

It's up to me to figure it out.

あったんですけれど

There was, but...

あの時は

At that time

多分

Maybe.

今みたいな心持ちには

In a state of mind like now.

なれなかったと思います

I don't think I was able to.

その時はその時で

At that time, it is what it is.

20代半ばの自分の

Myself in my mid-twenties.

欲というか

It's more like desire.

こう見せたいとか

I want to show it like this.

こう思われたいっていうのが

I want to be thought of this way.

結構あって

Quite a bit.

それに縛られたりして

Being bound by that.

悩んでた時もあったんですけど

There were times when I was troubled.

今はもうそういう

Not anymore like that now.

縛りから離れた

Released from bondage.

全然異次元の場所から

From a completely different dimension.

見てる感じがするので

It feels like I'm being watched.

本当に純粋に

Really purely.

じゃあ自分は何しようかな

So, what should I do?

っていうところだけに

Just in that regard.

集中できている気がします

I feel like I can concentrate.

本当に細かいところで

In truly細かいところで.

もうちょっとスキンケア

A little more skincare.

ちゃんとやんなきゃなとか

I have to do it properly.

もうちょっと運動して

Get some more exercise.

この坂道ちゃんと上がれるようになった方が

It's better to be able to properly go up this slope.

いいよなっていう

That's nice, isn't it?

そういう外見的なところもあるし

There are also those external aspects.

あとは

That's all.

みんなこんな本読んでるんだったら

If everyone is reading books like this...

自分もそれにちゃんとお話ついていけるように

I want to be able to properly keep up with the conversation too.

この辺チェックしないといけないなとか

I need to check around here.

そういう内部のことでも

Even those internal matters.

あるんですけれども

There is, but...

まあだから

Well then.

それをやったからといって

Just because you did that...

自分がどう見え方が変わるっていうよりも

Rather than how I am seen...

自分がそうしたいから

Because I want to do so.

自分が興味があるから

Because I am interested.

っていうところで選べるっていうのが

The fact that you can choose in that regard is...

社会人として

As a working adult

大学院に入った時の環境というか

It's about the environment when I entered graduate school.

今だから得られる感覚なのかなと思います

I think it's a feeling that can only be gained now.

これは本当に入って半期

This is really halfway through the term.

過ごしてみて

Try spending time (with it).