なぜ、う⚪︎こは恥ずかしいのか

MCタカト コマちゃんの マルコゲバンバン

MC Takato Komachan's Maruko Gebanban.

今日のテーマはですね すごいディープなトピックを持ってきました

Today's theme is that I've brought a really deep topic.

なぜうんこは恥ずかしいのか

Why is poop embarrassing?

頭の中どうなってんすか

What's going on in your head?

30代っすよね

You're in your 30s, right?

どうなってんすか

What's going on?

3時後半でございます

It is shortly after 3 o'clock.

なんですかその話は

What is that story?

僕すごい不思議だなと思って

I find it really mysterious.

うんこってなんか恥ずかしくないですか

Isn't poop kind of embarrassing?

なんか今恥ずかしいっすね

I feel kind of embarrassed right now.

この話題が出た瞬間

The moment this topic came up.

すごい恥ずかしい気持ちになってきました

I'm feeling really embarrassed.

だってこうおしっこも言うて恥ずかしさあれど

Because even saying "pee" brings a sense of embarrassment.

うんこほどじゃないんす

It's not as bad as poop.

なるほどね

I see.

でうんこってトイレでするとき

"When you do a number two in the toilet."

友達が家遊びに来てます

A friend is visiting my house to hang out.

ブリブリブリって音出ると

When the sound "bri bri bri" comes out,

なんか恥ずかしくないっすか

Isn't it a bit embarrassing?

今でも恥ずかしいっすよ

I'm still embarrassed about it now.

ねえ

Hey.

それ俺マジ

I'm serious about that.

よく考えたら超不思議だなと思って

When I think about it, I feel it's really mysterious.

だってみんな

Because everyone

当たり前にしないと生きていけないものじゃないっすか

Isn't it something you can't live without if you don't take it for granted?

うんこって

Poop.

でなかったらもうね死んじゃうわけですよね

If that weren't the case, I would already be dead.

でみんな当たり前にしてて

But everyone is doing it as a matter of course.

普通のことなのに

It's just a normal thing.

何が恥ずかしいんだろう

I wonder what is embarrassing.

例えば

For example.

ゲップ

Burp

とおなら

and fart

前に話したっけこれ

Did I talk about this before?

あの同じ空気

That same air.

穴から空気出てたっけじゃないっすか

Wasn't air coming out of the hole?

ゲップよりもおならの方が恥ずかしい

Passing gas is more embarrassing than burping.

でも匂いで言ったら別に

But if we're talking about the smell, it's nothing special.

ゲップもまあまあ臭いわけじゃないっすか

Burps aren't exactly odorless, you know.

うんうん

Uh-huh.

なんでおならの方が恥ずかしいの

Why is passing gas more embarrassing?

まあそうか

Well, I guess so.

うんこの空気を吐き出してるからっすね

It's because I'm expelling the air of poop.

なるほどね

I see.

一回うんこ

One poop.

うんこになる前の空気を吐き出してるのがゲップで

The burp is air that is released before it becomes poop.

うんこの空気を吐き出してるのが

It's吐き出してるのが.

おならってことっすね

So it's about farting, huh?

つまりおならが恥ずかしい理由はうんこになる

In other words, the embarrassing reason for passing gas is that it becomes poop.

そうそうそう

That's right, that's right!

戻りますけどなんでうんこ恥ずかしいの

I'm going back, but why is poop embarrassing?

なるほどね

I see.

俺は恥ずかしげもなく

I am unashamed.

うんこできる世の中になってほしいんすよ

I hope we can live in a world where we can poop freely.

やだなそれ

I don't like that.

だってさ

Because, you know.

あの今さっき

Just now, you see...

トイレドア閉めないでやろうとしましたよね

You tried to do it without closing the bathroom door, didn't you?

え

Eh?

あこれなんか

Ah, what is this?

言われるやつだって閉めてましたけど

Even the ones who said it were closing it.

普通閉めますよ

I usually close it.

あれがでも別におしっこの音でもやだし

But I don't really like the sound of that either, like urination.

あーおしっこの音も恥ずかしい

Ah, the sound of peeing is also embarrassing.

あ聞く方がやだって

Ah, I don't want to listen to that.

うん聞く方もやだし

Yeah, I don't want to listen either.

聞かれるのもやだ

I don't want to be asked either.

彼女でもやだ

I don't want to be with her either.

奥さんでもやだ

I don't want to even be a wife.

へー

Oh really?

全然平気っすか

Are you completely okay?

平気っすね

I'm fine, you know.

彼女とかそういうなんか近しい関係の女性とかだったら

If it's a woman in a close relationship like a girlfriend or something.

あでもうんこ恥ずかしいんだよなやっぱ

Ah, but it's still embarrassing to talk about poop, isn't it?

うんちはドア開けてはさすがにしないっすか

I probably wouldn't do something like that while opening the door.

閉める

Close.

で

So

うわーなんか

Wow, something...

それでもうじゃあ部屋の中がテレビもついてない

Then, the room doesn't have the TV on.

無音の状態で

In a state of silence.

ドア挟んで一枚そっちに彼女がいます

There is one girl over there behind the door.

でブリブリブリブリって出ちゃった時は恥ずかしくないですか

Isn't it embarrassing when you end up making a loud noise like that?

恥ずかしくて俺は多分

I'm probably too embarrassed.

あのごめんなさい

Um, I’m sorry.

おまかすのに大声で爆笑してます

I'm laughing out loud while leaving it up to you.

マジ小学生やってること

Seriously, it's like something an elementary school student would do.

ごめんめっちゃ音出たーみたいな

Sorry, it made a really loud noise!

小学生ですよ

I'm in elementary school.

なんか僕あの恥ずかしすぎて自分から言うタイプっす

I'm just the type who finds it too embarrassing to say it myself.

あーなるほどね

Ah, I see.

はいはいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

出たわーとか

I got it!

はいはいはいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

昔から

Since ancient times.

あーそっち派っすね

Oh, you’re in that camp, huh?

そうだからそれが逆にこう

That's why, conversely, this happens.

タカさんクレイジーだなって思われる要素になる場合もあるんですけど

There are cases where people might think that Taka is crazy.

ただただ僕の

Just mine.

照れ隠しな場合もあるんですよ

Sometimes it's just a way to hide embarrassment.

なるほどなるほど

I see, I see.

確かに確かに

Certainly, certainly.

いますよねそういう人

There are people like that, right?

言うタイプの人

A person who speaks out.

僕です

It's me.

あー俺もう隠すというか

Ah, I can't hide it anymore, or rather...

えだってじゃあ女性と二人きり家にいます

But then, I’m alone at home with a woman.

ブリブリって出たら

If it comes out with a "buri buri" sound, then...

出てきて一言目なんて言うんですか

What do you say when you first come out?

いやもう違いますまずその

No, that's not it. First of all, that...

出さない聞こえない準備を徹底的にしてます

I am thoroughly preparing to not let anything out and to not be heard.

どうするんですか

What will you do?

例えば部屋にいて寝室にいて映画を見てたら

For example, if you are in a room, in the bedroom, watching a movie...

もちろんその映画の音を

Of course, the sound of that movie.

徐々に徐々に徐々に上げていきますし

I will gradually, gradually, gradually raise it.

準備するんだ

Get ready.

間の扉は全て閉めますし

I will close all the doors in between.

あと僕すごく今でもやっちゃってるんですけど

Also, I still really do it a lot now.

良くないかな

Is it not good?

あの水を出しっぱなしにしちゃうんですよ

They leave that water running.

えどういうこと

What do you mean?

トイレに洗面台が付いてるんですけど

There's a sink attached to the toilet.

トイレの洗面台の水を出しっぱなしにするんですよ

They leave the water running in the bathroom sink.

そんな人いないよ

There isn't such a person.

ジャーって音流れるじゃないですか

You hear the sound of water, right?

あれでかき消し

That will drown it out.

何の音

What sound?

うんち

poop

それがあっても

Even if that's the case.

テレビは音楽結構大きめで鳴ってます

The TV is playing music quite loudly.

ドアは閉まってます

The door is closed.

トイレのドアも閉まってます

The bathroom door is also closed.

でジャーって音が鳴ってても静かに

Even if there's a buzzing sound, stay quiet.

ゆっくり出す

Take your time releasing it.

ぐらい気使っちゃいます

I tend to be quite considerate.

なんかあの出しながら流すとか手法あるじゃないですか

Isn't there a technique where you can kind of release it while flowing it out?

それも全然いいと思いますよ

I think that's perfectly fine too.

出しながら流すと

If you let it out while letting it flow,

多分水がジャーっていった瞬間に

Maybe at the moment the water went "shh."

ポトンってやっちゃったら後もつくと思うんですよね

I think once you do a photon, you'll have more afterwards.

あー確かにね

Ah, that's true.

あれ諸花剣だなと思ってて

I thought that was the Morihana sword.

流しうんこって僕が

"Flowing poop, that's me."

呼んでないでしょ

You’re not calling, right?

呼ぶ機会ないし

There's no opportunity to call.

なぜバレた

Why did you find out?

でもなんかやっぱこう恥ずかしいって気持ちも

But still, I feel a bit shy about it.

僕もあるんで

I have it too.

女性とかが

Women and such

トイレ行ったら

When I went to the bathroom

僕音楽とかかけます

I can play music and such.

あ

Ah.

何今のその

What was that just now?

こう今度上げようとして

I'm trying to raise this now.

なんすかその優しさ

What's up with that kindness?

上げとかないと丸焦げ番まで下がりっぱなしなんで

If I don't raise it, it'll stay down until it's completely burnt.

たまには上げさせてくれ

Let me raise it up once in a while.

それは良い配慮っすね

That’s a nice consideration.

そう

Yes.

メンズはみんなやったほうがいいと思います

I think all men should do it.

確かに確かに

Sure, sure.

すごい助かると思うし

I think it will be really helpful.

でもそれでわざわざありがとうって感謝されたこともない

But I've never been thanked for it specifically.

自然な感じに

In a natural way.

なるほどなるほど

I see, I see.

したりはするんですけど

I do sometimes, though.

自分が出しに行くとき

When I go out to put something out.

もうでもつけるときもあるかな俺も

Well, there are times when I might get angry too.

テレビつけたりとか

Like turning on the TV and such.

うんうんうん音楽ちょっと大きくしたりとか

Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe turn up the music a bit.

そう

Yes.

大きくはしないっす

I won't do it on a large scale.

大きくしないっすか

Aren't you going to make it bigger?

かける音楽をかけたりするけど

I sometimes play music.

はいはいはいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

もうなんか大きくしたら

If you make it bigger.

ちょっとそれでも恥ずかしい

That's still a little embarrassing.

匂いはどうっすか気になります?音だけ

How's the smell? Are you curious? Just the sound.

匂いも気になる

The smell is also a concern.

匂いも恥ずかしいじゃないっすか

The smell is also embarrassing, you know?

うん

Yeah.

でもなんでって

But why?

だってうんこ臭くない人間この世に人にもいないんすよ

Because there are no humans in this world who don't smell like poop.

でもうんこの臭い匂い嗅ぐのは嫌じゃないっすか

But you don't dislike smelling the stinky smell of poop, right?

やだ

I don't want to.

人のうんこも嗅ぎたくないし

I don't want to smell someone's poop either.

人のうんこの

Human feces.

そのまあ友達ならまだ

Well, if it's a friend, then that's still okay.

うん

Yeah.

あれですけどまだね嗅ぎたくないっすけど

It's that, but I still don't want to smell it.

でもあのなんかねデパートとかのトイレ行ったときに

Well, you know when you go to the restroom in a department store...

あいやだいやだいやだ

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

あの出てきた人がすごい脂っこいおじさんで

The person who came out was a really greasy old man.

うん

Yeah.

その後に入ったら

If you enter after that.

うん

Yeah.

もうあの便座も拭くし

I'll wipe that toilet seat too.

うん

Yeah.

徹底的に俺は

I am thorough.

からの?

From?

でもうあの口呼吸っす

But that's mouth breathing.

あー

Ah-

ずっとここはもう鼻は止めて

"Just stop your nose here for a while."

わかる

I understand.

で口呼吸で息しながら

Breathing through the mouth while...

はいはい

Yes, yes.

僕あの口呼吸もやったりもするんですけど

I sometimes breathe through my mouth too.

なんか口呼吸で

Somehow, I’m breathing through my mouth.

すごいその匂いの要素をめちゃめちゃ直で入れてる感覚

It's amazing how directly they incorporate the elements of that smell.

あ待ってやだすげーやだ

Ah, wait, no, that's really no good!

今の話聞かなきゃよかった

I wish I hadn't listened to that story.

それマジで

That's seriously it.

それ言われたら俺今後すっげー気になるじゃないっすか

If you say that, I'm really going to be curious about it from now on.

もう今あの一瞬で

Already now, in that moment.

こぼちゃん人生俺変えたから

Kobo-chan, you changed my life.

うわマジでそれ聞かなきゃよかった確かに

Wow, I really shouldn't have heard that, it's true.

だから鼻の方がまだ鼻毛がそれブロックしてくれてる

That's why the nose hair is still blocking that for me.

やだ俺それ結構そういうの影響されちゃうんですよね

I really don’t like that; I tend to be quite affected by things like that.

あのテレビで誰かが

Someone on that TV.

トイレットペーパーの三角に先っぽおるじゃないですか

Isn't there a tip at the end of the triangle in the toilet paper?

あー

Ah-

なんかお店とかが

Something like a store or something.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

でもあれってお店の人がやってんだったらいいけど

But if that's something the store staff is doing, then it's fine.

用足した人がおると

When there is someone who has done their business.

それベタベタ触ってるってことだよねっていう

That means you're touching it all over, right?

その使用した後の拭いた後の指先で

After wiping with your fingertips after using it.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

って言われてから

Since I was told that.

もうあれ触るのめっちゃ嫌なんですよ

I really hate touching that thing.

いやわかる

Yeah, I understand.

だからあの先っぽがとんがってたら

So if that tip is尖ってたら

ちょっとなんていうの

What do you mean by "a little"?

側面を触って出して下にこうダラーンって伸ばして

Touch the side and let it stretch down like this.

あー

Ah-

で切って

Cut it off.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

それをトイレに捨てて

Throw it in the toilet.

うん

Yeah.

自分で取るんですよ

I’ll take it myself.

それねちょっとわかる

I understand that a little.

あわかります?

Do you understand?

俺もあの三角じゃないときに

I also want it when it's not that triangle.

うん

Yeah.

あのそこを触んないですもん引っ張って出すの

Don't touch there, just pull it out.

うーん

Hmm.

俺あの下をこうお尻を撫でるからにスーってやって

I'm going to gently stroke my butt like this.

そっちある

It's over there.

こう

Like this.

そっちある

It's over there.

シュッてやって

Do it like this, with a quick motion.

そうパーッつってすぐ捨てる

You just throw it away like that, poof!

でその後の次の一枚で拭きます

And then I will wipe with the next sheet.

はいはいはいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

確かに

Certainly.

他にこだわりとかあります?

Do you have any other preferences?

トイレで言うんだったら結構あるかもしれないです

If you're talking about it in the bathroom, there might be quite a few.

あの横スライド式の

That side-slide type.

引っ掛けあるじゃないですか

Isn't there a catch?

あははははは

Ah hah hah hah hah!

なになになに

What what what?

わかります?あの

Do you understand? Um...

わかるわかる

I understand, I understand.

ドアが台のドアバタンって閉めたときに

When the door slammed shut on the table.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

なんかあの

Um, well...

ガチャンでしょ

It's definitely a "gachan" (the sound of something crashing or breaking).

そうスニッカーズみたいなやつを横にスンって入れるやつ

It's the kind of thing where you just slide in something like a Snickers.

あーありますね

Ah, there's that.

長い棒みたいなやつ

Something like a long stick.

うん

Yeah.

あれ触んの俺すっげー嫌なんですよね

I really hate touching that.

いやわかる

Yeah, I understand.

なんかそのガチャンっていうのだったらまだ全然

If it’s that "gachan" thing, then that’s still totally fine.

なんかこうなんか肘とかで

Something like using my elbow or something.

おー

Oh!

やったりするんですけど

I sometimes do that.

あの長い棒ってなんかベタベタ触らなかったら閉められないでしょ

That long stick can't be closed unless you touch it with something sticky, right?

はいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes.

でそれかなんか

So, what about that?

なんていうのかな

What can I say?

シャーペンで言ったらあのカチカチする部分というか

If we're talking about a mechanical pencil, it's like that clicking part.

はいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes.

そっちの面からこう押すしかないじゃないですか

We have no choice but to push from that side, right?

うん

Yeah.

でもそこも押してるやついるかもしれないし

But there might be someone pushing there as well.

いやでもこれ大丈夫っす

No, but this is fine.

ロジックがあります

There is logic.

なんですか

What is it?

うんこした後開けるときはそこの側面触らないんで端っこ

When you open it after using the toilet, don't touch the sides, just the edges.

開けるからこうガチャって

I'll open it, so just like this, click.

そっかそっかそっか

I see, I see, I see.

そう

Yes.

だから閉めるときしかその端っこ触れないから

That's why I can only touch that edge when I close it.

あっちは大丈夫なのか

Is everything okay over there?

その端は安全っすよ

That edge is safe.

あっじゃあレバーはどうっすか

Oh, how about the lever?

レバーは

The lever is

流すレバー

Flush lever

あれ足で行きます手で行きます

I'll go with my feet, I'll go with my hands.

足で行く

Go on foot.

あっ分かんない

Ah, I don't understand.

レバーの種類によりますね

It depends on the type of lever.

あの横の棒のやつ

That thing with the horizontal bar.

低い位置にある横の棒のやつは迷わず足っすね

The horizontal bar at a low position is definitely for your feet.

そう低い位置はそうっすよね

Yeah, that's a pretty low position.

そうそう

That's right.

高い位置のやつはさすがに手でやりますけど

I'll definitely handle the high ones by hand.

でも便器を下げるときは

But when lowering the toilet seat...

俺足でこうやって便器下げます

I pull down the toilet with my foot like this.

下げる

Lower.

例えば便器が上がってました

For example, the toilet seat was left up.

上がってる状態でね

In an elevated state.

便座

Toilet seat

もう居酒屋とかあるじゃないですかそういうのって

Aren't there already places like izakayas?

個室のトイレとか

Private restrooms and such.

迷わず足で下げますよ必ず

"I will definitely lower it without hesitation."

俺はあのあれっすよ

I'm that thing, you know.

穴

Hole

アルコールで拭くんでトイレットペーパーで

I'll wipe it with alcohol using toilet paper.

あのガーっていっぱい取って便座持って

I took a lot of those "gah" sounds and brought the toilet seat.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

下ろすもしくはあの居酒屋とかだと洗面台の時にちょっと厚紙あるじゃないですか

When you lower it, or in the case of that izakaya, there’s a bit of thick paper at the sink, isn't there?

手拭く用の

For wiping hands.

ありますよねあります

It exists, doesn't it?

あれを使ってやりますね

I'll use that and do it.

それでもトイレットペーパーで手巻いて下ろすじゃないですか

Still, you roll it up with toilet paper and bring it down, right?

そのトイレットペーパーでそのまま便座拭きますよね

You wipe the toilet seat with that toilet paper, right?

いや拭かないと

No, I have to wipe it.

それはもう一回に

That’s just once more.

それはさすがに意味が分からないですよね

I really don't understand the meaning of that.

さすが

As expected.

そうなんですよ結構ありますね

That's right, there are quite a few of them.

この話題

This topic.

ある

There is/are.

まだありますよ多分正直出そうと思えば

There's probably still more to come, to be honest, if I really wanted to.

俺も全然ありますよ

I have it too, not at all.

例えばじゃあションベンする時

For example, when you need to pee.

ショーベンすかションベンすかどっち

Is it "shoben" or "shonben"? Which one?

まあ一応ショーベンでしょうね

Well, it’s probably a show of sorts.

まあじゃあ正しくいきましょう

Well then, let's proceed correctly.

ショーベンをする時

When taking a pee.

ショーベン

Shoben

する時に

When doing it

5個あります

There are five.

5個横並び

Five in a row.

どれ使います

Which one will you use?

ああえっとね一番手前は絶対行かない

Ah, well, I definitely won't go to the very front.

そうまずそっからじゃないですか

Well, it starts from there, doesn’t it?

一番手前が一番垂れてるんですよ

The one in the front is the most droopy.

そう

Yes.

雫が

Droplet

みんな迷わず一番近く行くから

Everyone goes the closest way without hesitation.

ジジイの雫がね

The old man's droplet.

言い方やめる

Stop saying it that way.

いやでもねジジイってあれなんですよ

Well, you see, old man, that's the thing.

あれなんていうの貧乳っていうんじゃなくて

What do you call that? It's not just called being flat-chested.

残乳がすごいから

Because the residual milk is amazing.

ジジイほどやっぱ垂れる

Old men really do sag, after all.

言い方

Way of speaking

この前ありましたよ

It happened the other day.

なんかどっかのサービスエリアでトイレ

Somewhere at a service area, there is a restroom.

あの代弁してたんですけど

I was acting as a spokesperson.

出てきたら

When it comes out.

あのこう一番下まである消弁機

The one that reaches all the way to the bottom, a vending machine.

下まで

To the bottom.

その手前びっちゃびちゃになって

It got all wet before that.

ああやだきったり

Ah, I don't want to cut it.

どんだけエイム悪いんだよこいつ

How bad is this guy's aim?

ジジイの雫汚め

Old man's droplet is dirty.

ジジイとは限らない

It doesn't have to be an old man.

絶対ジジイの雫だ

It's definitely the old man's droplet.

言い方言い方

The way you say it.

だいたい奥から2、3番目ぐらいじゃないですか

It's probably around the second or third from the back, right?

雫少なめのやつ

A thing with less droplet.

なるほど

I see.

俺はもう絶対的に

I am absolutely certain now.

ど真ん中のやついつも使うんですよ

I always use the one right in the center.

あど真ん中も結構汚い可能性ありません

There is also a significant possibility that right in the middle is quite dirty.

なんかいやあるんですけど

I have a feeling that something is off.

例えばじゃあ1個目の消弁機に来ましたってなったら

For example, if I said I've arrived at the first vending machine...

3番目ど真ん中のやつ使われるじゃないですか

The one in the exact middle will be used, right?

でも謎に2番目も

But mysteriously, the second one too.

結構濡れてません

It's pretty wet, isn't it?

ああ濡れてる濡れてる

Ah, it's wet, it's wet.

1、2番目が一番濡れてる

The second one is the wettest.

濡れてる濡れてる濡れてる

It's wet, it's wet, it's wet.

でど真ん中に行くのって

Going right in the center is...

混んだ時だけなんですよ

It's only when it's crowded.

なるほどね

I see.

あんま混まない施設だったら

If it's a facility that doesn't get too crowded.

わざわざど真ん中に行くことないでしょ

There's no need to go all the way to the center, right?

他のやつらって思って

I thought it was someone else.

僕はだいたいど真ん中行くんですけど

I usually go right down the middle.

この前

The other day.

この前ですから結構前

It was quite a while ago.

松本ひとしさんが

Matsumoto Hitoshi-san is...

テレビ番組で同じ話してて

They're talking about the same story on the TV show.

めっちゃわかると思って

I think I totally understand.

ど真ん中に行くって言ってたんですか

Did you say you were going right in the middle?

ど真ん中って言ってました

They said it's right in the middle.

へえ

Oh really.

ど真ん中か

Right in the center.

ちょっとじゃあ

Well then...

今日トイレこの後行くとしたら

If I'm going to the bathroom later today,

ど真ん中見てみますわ

I'll take a look right in the middle.

うん

Yeah.

綺麗なのかな

Is it beautiful?

綺麗ってことはないか

It’s not that it’s beautiful.

まあでも一番汚れが少ないんですよ

Well, it's the least dirty.

でもなんか男子便所って安っすよね

But men's bathrooms are kind of cheap, aren't they?

便所自体安っす

The bathroom itself is cheap.

女子便の方が綺麗じゃないですか絶対に

Isn't the women's restroom definitely cleaner?

ちょっと僕は入ったことないんでわかんないです

I don't really know since I've never been there.

いやありますけど僕

Well, I do, but...

あるの

It exists.

ありますあります

Yes, there is.

そのなんていうの仕事で

What do you call that job?

警察この人です

This is the person, police.

仕事であるんですよ

It's for work.

何の仕事

What work?

ガラスコーティングとか

Glass coating and such.

仕事で

At work

見に行った時に

When I went to see it,

女性のお手洗いも見に行った時に

When I went to check out the women's restroom.

やっぱりなんか

After all, there's something...

ちょっと香りから違うんじゃないのかなって

I feel like the scent is a bit different, don't you think?

思う

to think

今ねめっちゃ乳会だって聞こうと思ったら

I was just going to ask if it's a really big breast meeting.

本当に香り色晴らしちゃったからびっくりしちゃった

I was really surprised because the scent was so amazing.

いや本当に

Yeah, really.

男の人って使い方汚いですよね

Men have a dirty way of using things, don't they?

そのなんか

That something

そのなんだろう

What is that, I wonder?

体の仕組み的にもしょうがないのかもしれないですけど

It might be unavoidable due to the way the body works.

ブラブラ下がってるから

Because it's hanging down loosely.

言い方

Way of speaking

でも家のトイレもやっぱ使い方汚いじゃないですか

But the way we use the toilet at home is still dirty, isn't it?

男の人の

Man's

まあ確かに

Well, that's true.

あれちょっと

That’s a bit...

どうにかした方がいいですよね

It would be better to do something about it, right?

自分で掃除したらいいんですよ

You should clean it yourself.

分かるから気持ちが

I understand how you feel.

それも前々回話した

I mentioned that the time before last as well.

男と女性の

Man and woman.

このなんだろう

What is this?

本質的な部分の違いかもしれないですよね

It might be a difference in essential parts.

女性の方がちゃんとしてるかも

Women might be more reliable.

まあ比較的ね

Well, relatively speaking.

それはあるかもしれないですね

That might be the case.

そういう綺麗面で言ったら

Speaking of that beautiful side...

ちなみに今おしっこの話ですけど

By the way, I'm talking about urine right now.

あそうだった

Oh, that's right.

うんちの話も

Talking about poop too.

そうだった

I see.

大事なんだようんちの話が

It's an important conversation about poop.

あのうわでもちょっと気になること

Um, there's something I'm a little curious about.

今思い浮かんじゃったら言いますね

I'll say it if it comes to mind.

うんちしてるときに

When I'm pooping

携帯いじります

I'm fiddling with my phone.

いじっちゃう

I'll mess with it.

それ一番汚いの携帯ですかね

Is that the dirtiest phone?

そうなんすよ

That's right.

いやそうなんすよ

Yeah, that's true.

あのレバーがどうのこうのとか

That lever or whatever.

それ以前に

Before that

携帯そのままうんち

The phone is just like poop.

触った手うんちゃん触んないか

Don't touch with the hand that touched the poop.

汚い手で

With dirty hands.

顔につけて電話とかするわけじゃないですか

You're not going to use it on your face while making a phone call, right?

僕のはコーティングしてありますけどね

Mine is coated, though.

コーティングで綺麗になるんすか

Will it become beautiful with coating?

金はなくなる

Money will run out.

だけど

But...

いや汚いですよそれでも

No, that's still dirty.

汚いですよ

It's dirty.

だからそのね

So, you know...

やたらコーティングの話が出てきちゃうんですけど

The topic of coating keeps coming up a lot.

僕らやってるコーティングって

What we're doing is coating.

金を測るんですよ

I'm measuring the gold.

キッコーマンの醤油工場で

At the Kikkoman soy sauce factory.

使ってるもので

With what I'm using.

どのくらい汚れてるか測るんですよ

I'm measuring how dirty it is.

よくお客さんのところに行ったときに

When I often went to the customer's place

例えば病院だったら

For example, if it's a hospital...

受付ね

Reception, right?

カウンターの受付が一番汚いんですよ

The reception counter is the dirtiest, you know.

で普通の

And normally

家のリビングとかだったら

If it's in the living room of a house.

1500だとしましょう

Let's say it's 1500.

で

So, / And then, / Therefore

病院の受付だったら

If it's the hospital reception desk.

2万とか3万

20,000 or 30,000.

でトイレとかだと

In places like the restroom,

3万とか

30,000 or so.

ぐらいいくんですよ数値が

The values can go up to that much.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

携帯なんと4万とか5万いくんですよ

The mobile phone can cost as much as 40,000 or 50,000 yen.

あとパソコン

Also, the computer.

ああ

Ah.

結構汚いのを

It's quite dirty.

やっぱり見てきてるから

I knew it because I've been watching it.

あれどうしようもなくないですか

Isn't that just hopeless?

手洗うしかどうしようもなくないですか

Isn't there nothing else we can do but wash our hands?

どうしようもないですよね

There's nothing we can do about it, right?

携帯洗えないですもん

I can't wash my phone.

シートで拭くまではさすがにやらないし

I won't go as far as wiping it with a sheet.

なんかありましたよね

Something happened, didn't it?

洗面台の横に

Next to the washbasin.

スマホ入れて洗えるみたいなやつ

It seems like something that can wash with a smartphone inside.

デパートとかにね

At places like department stores.

一時期なんか今もあんのかな

Is there still a time like that now?

あんま見ないですけどね

I don't see it very often, though.

あんま見ないけどありましたよね

I don't see it often, but it was there, wasn't it?

あんなのでも入れるの怖くないですか

Aren't you afraid of going in something like that?

怖い

Scary.

そこも金だらけでしょみたいな

It seems like that place is full of money too, right?

せめて自分のうんこで

At least with my own poop.

納めておきたい金を

I want to save some money.

うんこにの話で一個いいですか

Can I share one story about poop?

いいっすよ

That's fine.

あの和式と洋式この話しましたっけ

Did we talk about the Japanese-style and Western-style?

してない

I haven't done it.

和式と洋式僕和式行くんですよ

I prefer the Japanese style, I'm going for the Japanese style.

いい変な人

A nice strange person.

どっちかがあったとしたら

If one of them exists.

変な人

Weird person.

家が和式にしたいかって言ったらそうじゃないですよ

If you ask whether I want my house to be in a Japanese style, that's not the case.

洋式がいいんですよ

I prefer Western-style.

でも外でするときにうんちしたいなと思ったら僕和式行くんですよ

But when I'm outside and feel like I need to poop, I go to a squat toilet.

なんでですか

Why is that?

つく面積がないじゃないですか

There's no area to stick it, is there?

なるほど

I see.

足の裏以外

Everywhere except the soles of the feet.

なるほど

I see.

だからなんかその便座に座るより

So rather than sitting on that toilet seat,

僕の中ではきれいなんですよね

In my mind, it's beautiful.

あー

Ah-

だから和式に行くんですけど

That's why I'm going to the washroom.

みんな絶対洋式派の方が多いじゃないですか

Isn't it true that most people definitely prefer Western-style toilets?

あれがちょっと僕にはわからない

I don't quite understand that.

和式だと僕きれいが悪くなります

If I use a Japanese-style toilet, it makes my hygiene worse.

それはありますね

That is true.

あるなんすかあれ

What is that?

あれはなんなんですかね

What is that, I wonder?

きれい悪いっすよね

It's beautiful but also bad, isn't it?

悪い

I'm sorry.

あと和式のネガティブポイントで言うと

Also, regarding the negative points of the Japanese style...

もう一個あのやっぱ臭いじゃないですか基本的に

Well, it's still kind of smelly, basically.

地位運転

Position driving

うん

Yeah.

なんで今だけこんだけうんちうんことが言っといて

"Why are you only saying this much about poop right now?"

なんで今だけ地位運転言ったんだ

Why did you only mention "driving" now?

よかよこ

Yokayoko

あと小便ももう一回言ってもらっていいですか

Could you please say "urine" one more time?

小便と地位運ね

Urine and status運 (un)

皆さん流行らせてください

Please make it popular, everyone.

いやなんかあの大なんだろう洋式の方が臭くないんですよ

No, I mean, the Western style is less smelly, right?

で俺なんでだろうと思ったら水の中に入るから

I wondered why that was, and then I realized it's because I go into the water.

あの水ってだいぶ匂いを抑えてくれてて

That water really helps to suppress the smell a lot.

和式って物が外に出てるから

Because things in Japanese style are exposed outside.

すごい匂いを感じちゃうんすよね僕

I can really smell something amazing.

なるほどね確かにそれはそうかも

I see, that might be true.

そうそれで洋式を使いたいっていうのと

Yes, that's why I want to use the Western-style toilet.

もう一個はあの洋式も洋式でもちろんそういう要素ありますけど

The other one has those elements of Western style as well, of course.

和式大きいの出たらポチャンってなるじゃないですか

When a large Japanese-style one comes out, it makes a splashing sound, doesn't it?

その時に多分跳ねる先って靴とか足の内側なんですよね水が

At that time, the water probably splashes onto the shoes or the inside of the feet.

なるほどそれも聞かなきゃよかった

I see, I shouldn't have asked that.

絶対に当たってないことはないと思うんですよ今まで

I don't think there's absolutely nothing that's gotten through so far.

何も得しない会話する

Engaging in conversations that yield no benefits.

嫌なことしか起きてないですわ今日

Nothing but unpleasant things have happened today.

それだったら俺はまだ拭けるお尻にかかった方がいいなって

In that case, I'd rather have it on my still-wipeable butt.

海外どうですか

How is it overseas?

海外

Overseas

トイレ事情

Toilet situation

最悪っすよね

It's the worst, isn't it?

マジで最悪

This is seriously the worst.

なんで日本ってこんなトイレ素晴らしいんですか

Why are toilets in Japan so wonderful?

そう本当に最高日本中

Yes, it's really the best in all of Japan.

べっちゃべちゃな便座とかあるでしょ

There are certainly some really dirty toilet seats, right?

べっちゃべちゃっすよ

It's super soggy.

なんかもう紙とか何あの日本のトイレットペーパー3枚におろしたんじゃねえかぐらい薄いじゃないですか

Isn't it so thin that it feels like it's just three sheets of that Japanese toilet paper?

いやわかるわかる

Yeah, I understand, I understand.

ようあれをおろせたなっていう

"Well, I guess you managed to get that down."

本当にすんげぺらっぺらなやつをあってであと流しちゃいけないところあるでしょ

There are definitely places where you shouldn't just let a really flimsy person go.

あるある

It happens often.

あれマジで俺もう本当にちょっと待ってあれもしかしたらうちのスタッフ一緒に聞いてたかもしれないけど飛行機乗るときに前にいる日本人が海外にいてね海外に帰ってくるとき飛行機乗る前の通路で話してたんですよ2人組が

That was seriously, like, just wait a minute. Maybe one of our staff was listening too, but when I was on the plane, there was a Japanese person in front of me who was overseas, and when they were coming back from overseas, I overheard two people talking in the aisle before boarding the plane.

はい

Yes

ゴミ箱の横にあるトイレの紙ってあれ何なんだっていう話をしてて

We were talking about what the toilet paper next to the trash can is for.

うんうん

Uh-huh.

一人はあれはあの拭いた後のやつを捨てるところだろって

One person said, "Isn't that the place where you throw away the one that’s been wiped?"

え

Eh.

言ってたんですよ

I was saying.

うんうん

Yeah, yeah.

そのバケツの中に

In that bucket.

はいはいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

でそれが正解なんですよ

And that is the correct answer.

はいはいはい

Yes, yes, yes.

そのケツを拭いて流すと水道管が詰まっちゃうから

If you wipe that butt and flush it, the pipes will get clogged.

なるほど

I see.

バケツに捨てるっていうのがもうアジアとかのトイレの設備なんですけど仕組みなんですけどもう一人のやつがいやあれは使うやつだって言ったんですよ

Throwing it in a bucket is the toilet system in places like Asia, but the other person said, "No, that's something you use."

やばいそいつ

That guy is trouble.

ははははは

Hahaha!

早く止めて

Stop it quickly.

そうでもう後ろでえーと思って聞きながら

I was thinking "um" while listening from behind.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

だってみんながウンチを拭いて捨てたやつをそいつは拾おうとして

Because that person is trying to pick up what everyone wiped and threw away.

やばいやばいやばい

Oh no, oh no, oh no!

でその2人もいや絶対それは違うよとかじゃなくてあーみたいなそうなのかなぐらいの感じ

Well, it's not like those two are saying "No, that's definitely wrong" or anything, more like a "Oh, is that so?" kind of feeling.

あーじゃねーよって

It's not like that!

やばいやばいこいつらやばいそんなことをまた次海外行ったら

Oh no, these guys are crazy! If that happens again when I go abroad next time...

はい

Yes

うんちつきの人のうんちつきのやつが

The person with poop attached has poop attached to them.

うんちつきのやつで拭いてしまうと思って

I thought I would wipe with something that had poop on it.

やば早く止めないとそれ

That's bad, I have to stop it quickly.

でもねー言えなかったっす

But, you know, I couldn't say it.

言いやないの

I won't say it.

なんで飛行機乗る前に違いますよってそれはうちくっついてるんですよってでももしかしたらこいつ拭いちゃってるかもしんないじゃないですかワンチャン

Why would you say it's different before getting on the plane, saying that it's attached to us? But maybe this guy could wipe it off, you know? There's a chance.

もう確かに

Surely now

ね友達には言えないですよ

I can't tell my friends about it.

はいはい

Yes, yes.

もしそれだってうんこつきだとはそれまで思ってなかったんですから

I hadn't thought of it as being covered in poop until then.

うん

Yeah.

きれいだったよーって言ってたんで

I heard you said it was beautiful.

いやー

Well...

なんか折りたたんでるんでしょ多分内側にやつがいるんだよ

It seems like it's folded somehow, and probably there's something inside.

やだやだやだ明らかにクシャクシャってなってんすよ

No, no, no! It’s clearly all crumpled up!

うわもうほんとにその話だなあ

Wow, that's really the story, isn't it?

もうほんとにその話を聞いたときに結構ねゾッとしました

When I heard that story, it really gave me the chills.

ゾッとしてるよ今

I'm feeling creepy right now.

聞いてたよね

You were listening, right?

あのうちのスタッフ二人ともマジさっきから大爆笑してますからこの話題

Both of our staff members have been laughing out loud since earlier about this topic.

腹抱えてこうやってお辞儀するかのごとく笑いこらえてるから声入んないように声入んないようにっつって

I'm trying to hold back my laughter as if I'm bowing while holding my stomach, so I'm telling myself to make sure my voice doesn't come out.

マジでトイレはやっぱり日本が素晴らしすぎる

Seriously, the toilets in Japan are just amazing.

いやわかる俺アメリカで一回あったのがまずアメリカのトイレって座高が高いんすよね

Yeah, I get it. The first time I encountered it in America, I noticed that the toilets there are quite high.

あー確かに

Ah, that's true.

だからあのちょっと若かったら

So, if I were a little younger...

若かったときはもうほんと足もこういう感じでなんか立てないと足がつかないみたいな

When I was younger, my legs were really like this, and I couldn't stand properly or my feet wouldn't touch the ground.

うわうんこしにくいみたいな

It feels like I can't poop.

そしたらやっぱなんかキレが悪くなるんすよなぜか

Then, for some reason, it just loses its sharpness.

で最悪だなとか思ってたら一回ほんとにあったのがびっくりしたんすよ

I was thinking how terrible it was, and then it actually happened once, which really surprised me.

そんな高いトイレの中でで奥行きもあるはずなのにあの扉が開きっぱなしになってるトイレがあってそしたらあの便器の穴からこんもり顔出してたんすよ

There's a toilet that should have some depth in that high place, but the door is left wide open, and then a face was poking out from the toilet bowl.

そいつが

That guy.

えっ何この量って

Huh, what is this amount?

あっマジっすか

Oh, really?

そう

That's right.

えっ嘘

What, no way!

ほんと

Really.

何食った

What did you eat?

で誰かが誰かの上にしたの

So someone did it on top of someone else.

ちょっとやめて

Stop it a bit.

でもそんなことはさすがにないと思って

But I really don't think that will happen.

気持ち悪くなってきた

I'm starting to feel sick.

でもなんかアメリカ人ってすっごい大きさの方いるじゃないすか体

But there are really big Americans, aren't there?

デッキハンバーガー食ってんからさ

I'm eating a deck hamburger, you know.

そうそうそうものすごい大きさの人たちの量を考えたら嘘でしょと思ってたぶん量が多すぎて流せなかったんすよ

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought it was a lie when I considered the huge number of people, and probably there were too many to be able to handle.

ほんと?

Really?

あのちょっと先に言っていいっすか食事中の皆様ごめんなさい食事中は聞かないでくださいこれ

Um, can I say something a little ahead of time? I'm sorry to everyone who's eating, but please don't listen to this while you're having your meal.

匂いしてきませんでした?

Didn't you smell it?

いやもうもう

No way, come on.

俺の脳が狂ってきたんですけども

My brain is starting to go crazy.

息止めるし

I'll hold my breath.

匂いを感じてきました

I have started to sense the smell.

なんだちょっとさっきの口呼吸の話で急いでたんすけど

I was in a hurry earlier when we talked about mouth breathing, but...

いいいいいいやめてやめて

No, no, no, stop it, stop it!

大丈夫大丈夫これは大丈夫海の家のあのトイレとか

It's okay, it's okay. This is fine, like that toilet at the beach house.

仮設?

Hypothesis?

そうめちゃめちゃ匂うじゃないですか最近なんか匂わないやつも出てきてますけど俺はもう口呼吸も嫌なんでさっき話した通り

It's been really smelling lately, hasn't it? Although there are some that don't smell, I really dislike breathing through my mouth, as I mentioned earlier.

完全に息を止めます

I will hold my breath completely.

あーでもそれはありますよ

Ah, but that is true.

そういう時もあるでもめっちゃ熱いでしょ

There are times like that, but it's super hot, right?

めっちゃ熱いから

It's really hot.

仮設便所の中の

Inside the temporary toilet.

結構クラクラ

I'm feeling quite dizzy.

クラクラするでしょ和式も多いし

It's dizzying, right? There are a lot of Japanese-style ones too.

それでもう息止めてクラクラしますよぶっ倒れちゃうでしょ

Even so, I'm holding my breath and it's making me dizzy; I'm going to pass out.

辛い

Spicy.

あれは辛いっすよね

That's tough, isn't it?

なんの話したっけ一番最初あでもうんちだ

What were we talking about? Oh right, poop.

ずっとうんちの話で盛り上がってんだこれ

We're having a great time talking about poop this whole time.

うんちなんで恥ずかしいのって話が始まって

The conversation started about why pooping is embarrassing.

なるべく15分以内に収めようとしてるんですよね僕は

I'm trying to keep it within 15 minutes as much as possible.

そうですね

That's right.

今23分超えてます

It's now gone over 23 minutes.

こんな早い23分俺実際初めて

This is actually the first time I've done it in just 23 minutes.

確かに俺も最初何始めんのかなって小学生みたいだなって話してますけど

I agree, at first I was wondering what I was going to start, and it felt a bit like elementary school.

楽しかった

It was fun.

じゃあ最後に最後に

Well then, finally, finally.

締めたいと思います

I would like to conclude.

うんち拭くとき後ろから拭く派ですかそれとも前のおちんちん通り越して拭く派ですかせーので言いましょう後ろか前か

Are you the type who wipes from the back when you wipe, or do you wipe from the front, going over the penis? Let's say it on the count of three: back or front.

はい

Yes.

せーの後ろ

Behind you.

いや前いんだ

No, it's in front.

いるんすよ

I'm here.

じゃあちょっと次はゲストに

Well then, let's go to the next guest.

はい

Yes

前の人呼んでお呼びして

Call the person in front of you.

熱く

Hot

盛り上げましょう

Let's liven things up!

語りたいと思います

I would like to talk.

了解です

Understood.

じゃあ皆さんご視聴ありがとうございます

Well then, thank you all for watching.

ありがとうございます

Thank you.