#947 生きてるってなんだろ

お疲れ様です 甲子郎です

Thank you for your hard work, this is Kōshirō.

音声配信やっていきますということで よろしくお願いします

I will be doing audio distribution, so thank you for your support.

ただ雑談していきたいかなって思います

I just want to have a casual chat.

特にテーマなく話していこうかなって思います

I think I'll just talk without a particular theme.

疲れてるわけじゃないんですけど

It's not that I'm tired, but...

よくなんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

仕事明けとかに少し感慨深くなるというか

"I feel somewhat nostalgic after finishing work."

切なくなるというか

It's more of a bittersweet feeling.

そういう時期ってありませんかね

Isn't there a time like that?

僕結構あるんですけど

I have quite a few.

なんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

仕事終わったなぁ

I'm done with work.

帰ろうかなぁとかね

I'm thinking of going home, you know?

帰っている最中に

On the way home.

うーん

Hmm.

なんか

Something.

感慨深くなるというか

It's like becoming deeply moved.

何でしょうね

I wonder what it is.

よく私中で思うことじゃないとは思うんですけど

I don’t think it’s something I often contemplate, but…

なんで生きてるのかなとかね

I wonder why I'm alive, you know?

なんかよくわかんない

I don't really understand much.

考えが頭に出てきたりしますよね

Thoughts come to your mind, don't they?

なんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

なんで生きてるのかなとか

I wonder why I am alive.

今車乗っているんですけど

I'm currently driving.

車運転しているんですけど

I'm driving a car, you know.

みんなこれ

Everyone, this.

どこに向かって

Where are you headed?

運転しているのかなとかね

I wonder if they are driving or something.

歩いてる人も

People who are walking as well.

自転車に乗っている人も

People who are riding bicycles.

みんななんでこんな

Why is everyone like this?

忙しそうにしているのかなみたいな

I wonder if she looks busy.

でなんか

Well, like...

なんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

みたいなこと思っちゃいますよね

You can't help but think things like that, right?

なんだろうなって

I wonder what it is.

この世界なんだろうなみたいなね

I wonder what this world is like.

仕事をみんなしていて

Everyone is working.

悪せく働いて

Working hard.

これは何をしているんだろうなみたいな

I wonder what this is doing.

人間は何をしたいのかなみたいな

I wonder what humans want to do.

ところまで行っちゃうんですよね

It goes that far, doesn't it?

たまにねこうやってね

Sometimes, like this.

虚無感というか

It's like a feeling of emptiness.

なんというか

How should I put it?

意味ねえことみんなしてんだなみたいな

Looks like everyone is doing things that have no meaning.

意味なくはないですよ

It's not meaningless.

でもなんだろうな

But I wonder what it is.

別に意味がないですよね

It doesn't really have any meaning, does it?

やっぱり

I knew it.

そんなにそんなに

So much, so much.

自分がそのやっていることに

What you are doing yourself

特別な意味なんていうものはないんですよね

There isn't any special meaning to it, you know.

自分が

Myself

まあ

Well...

その仕事をしようがしまいが

Whether you do that job or not

生きていようがいまいが

Whether I am alive or not.

そんなにね

So much, huh?

変わらないんですよね

It doesn't change, does it?

変わらないですよ

It won't change.

僕個人がね

Personally, I...

例えばね

For example, you know.

明日急にいなくなったとしてもね

Even if I suddenly disappear tomorrow, you know.

いなくなる

To disappear.

忽然のパッと消えたとしても

Even if it suddenly disappears in an instant.

そんなにね

Not that much.

そんなに

So much

影響はないんですよ

There is no influence.

どこに影響があるか

Where it has an impact.

まあ周りくらいですよね

Well, it's about the surroundings, right?

僕で言えば家族くらいで

For me, it's about family.

まあだからね

Well, that's why.

なんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

特に意味ないから

It doesn't really have a particular meaning.

なんで生きてるのかなとかね

I wonder why I am alive.

ちょっと思っちゃいますよね

You can't help but think about it a little, right?

究極論意味なんかないんですけど

Ultimately, it doesn't really have any meaning.

意味なんかないんですけどね

It doesn't really have any meaning, though.

まあね

Well, you know.

特にね

Especially, you know.

その人類が発展したところで

Even if humanity makes progress...

進化したところで

Even if it evolves.

まあ自分たちなんですよ

Well, it's us.

やっぱり結局はエゴでしかないのかな

In the end, is it all just ego after all?

なんてことを思ってきちゃいますよね

You end up thinking things like that, don't you?

人間が人間の住みやすい

Humans make it comfortable for humans to live.

世界にするために

To make it a world.

みんな悪性が働いているわけですからね

Everyone is acting out of malice, after all.

もっと言えば自分がなんだろう

To put it more simply, what am I?

幸福に住むことができるような

So that we can live happily.

幸福になるために動いているんですよね

I am working to become happy, aren't I?

そう考えると

Thinking of it that way

なんだろう

I wonder what it is.

まあこの仕事

Well, this job...

じゃあ自分のこの仕事っていうのは

Well then, this job of mine is...

まあみんななんかありますよね

Well, everyone has something, right?

それって自分を幸福にするもんなんですか

Is it something that makes you happy?

って言われるとね

When you say that, you know...

まあお金のため

Well, for the sake of money.

お金を稼ぐためだったりしますよね

It's often for the purpose of making money.

もちろんね

Of course.

あの

Um...

何もしてないし

I'm not doing anything.

仕事を一切してないと

"I am not doing any work at all."

それはそれで人生に針がなくなるから

Because then there would be no excitement in life.

不幸になるんですけどね

It will make you unhappy, you know.

だからといって

That being said,

仕事をしていないと

If I'm not working...

いけないかっていうとね

It's not that it's wrong, you know.

そうでもなくてね

Not really.

仕事してないで

Not working.

なんかね

You know...

毎日毎日幸福でいられれば

If I could be happy every single day.

別にそれはそれでいいんですよね

That's fine as it is, isn't it?

幸福のために絶対仕事が必要かって言うと

Whether work is absolutely necessary for happiness or not

そういうわけではないんですよね

That's not the case, is it?

うん

Yeah.

まあただ仕事をしないと

Well, I just have to get work done.

この世界では生き残れない人が大半なわけですよね

In this world, the majority of people cannot survive.

だからまあ仕事していると

So, well, when I'm working...

まあねやっぱり結局あれなんですよね

Well, you know, in the end, that's just how it is.

自分で選んでるかどうかっていうのは

Whether or not you are choosing for yourself is...

やっぱここなのかな

I guess it’s here after all.

根本がここなのかなって思っちゃいますね

I can't help but think that this might be where it all began.

話してるとね

When we talk, you know...

幸福がどうかとかっていうのは

Whether or not happiness is a factor...

自分が選んでいるかどうか

Whether or not I am choosing.

自分に選択肢があるかどうかっていうのは

Whether or not I have options.

仕事せざるを得ない状況だから

Because it is a situation where I have no choice but to work.

なんか不幸なんですよね

I'm feeling kind of unlucky.

なんか不幸じゃないですか

Aren't you somewhat unhappy?

なんか不幸を感じやすいって言うわけですよね

It means that you might be more prone to feeling unhappy.

日本人なんか特にね

Especially Japanese people.

まあね日本人なんかって言ったことで

Well, you know, when I said something like "Japanese people..."

ちょっと思い出したんですけど

I just remembered something.

やっぱりねなんか日本人

I knew it, something about Japanese people.

まあ僕も日本人だからなんですけど

Well, it's because I'm Japanese too.

やっぱこの何だろう

I wonder what this is.

わびさびさびですよね

It's the essence of wabi-sabi, isn't it?

特に寂しさのサビですけど

Especially it's the rust of loneliness.

あれに素晴らしさを覚えちゃいがちじゃないですか

Don't you tend to feel the greatness in that?

切なさに美しさを覚えがちじゃないですか

Don't you tend to feel beauty in sadness?

あれって結構危険な気がするんですよね

I feel like that's pretty dangerous.

これが行き過ぎるとサビが行き過ぎると

If this goes too far, the rust will go too far.

詫びはまだいいとしてサビが行き過ぎちゃうと

Apologies are one thing, but if the rust goes too far...

これなんだろうやっぱり自己否定感にもつながっちゃうのかな

I wonder what this is; I guess it might also be connected to feelings of self-denial.

ネガティブになりがちになっちゃうような気がするんですよ

I feel like I'm prone to becoming negative.

やっぱり酔いがちになっちゃう気がするんですよね

I feel like I tend to get drunk after all.

サビをあまりにも重要視しすぎるとネガティブになりがちですよね

If you place too much importance on the chorus, you tend to become negative, don't you?

ここは切なくていいなとか思って

I think it's nice to be bittersweet here.

切なくて

It's heartbreaking.

いいなーって思っていると

I think, "That sounds nice."

やっぱり自分に酔いがちじゃないですか

Aren't you prone to getting a bit intoxicated by yourself after all?

自分に酔いがち

Tending to get intoxicated with oneself.

僕はそうなんですけどね

That's how it is for me.

こうやってここにいると悲しいけれども

It's sad to be here like this.

ここも居心地いいなーみたいな

"This place feels nice and comfortable too."

じゃあ悲しいものをもうちょっと取り入れてみようかな

Well, I think I'll try to incorporate a bit more sadness.

みたいなこと

Something like that.

暗い曲いっぱい聴いてみようかなとか

I wonder if I should try listening to a lot of dark songs.

思っちゃうと急激に

When I think about it, it becomes sudden.

自分の

My own

ネガティブ力が

Negative power.

ネガティブ度が強くなってきますよね

The negativity is getting stronger, isn't it?

あれだから危険ですよね

That's why it's dangerous, isn't it?

危険な気がするんですよ

I feel like it's dangerous.

今ふと思ったのは

What I just thought of now is

悲しい絵とか

Sad pictures or

描く人とかっていうのも

People who draw, or something like that.

なんかね

Well, you know...

鬱になりがちじゃないですか

Isn't it easy to become depressed?

昔の文学で言えばね

In terms of ancient literature, you could say.

太宰治なんかもね

Like Dazai Osamu, you know.

人間失格なんていう

It’s called "No Longer Human".

恐ろしくネガティブな

Terribly negative.

文学ある

There is literature.

というわけじゃないですか

That’s not the case, is it?

最後に死ねっていうね

In the end, just die, huh?

まあすごいざっくりすぎてねあれですけど

Well, that's very rough, but...

そういうのがなんかもてはやされている

Such things are somehow being praised.

世界というか

It's more about the world.

お国柄文化じゃないですか

Isn't it a matter of cultural characteristics?

別にねそれが悪いとかじゃないですけど

It's not that it's bad or anything, but...

ネガティブになりがちだよねって

It's easy to become negative, isn't it?

だから日本人っていうのはね

So, what Japanese people are is...

なんだろうな

I wonder what it is.

こんなこともう絶対ないですけど

This will never happen again for sure.

なんとなく

Somehow

自死することがちょっと美しいみたいな

It seems a little beautiful to die by one's own hand.

なんか文化

Some kind of culture.

なきにしもあらずじゃないですか

Isn't it possible that it could be?

武士で言う切腹なんかも

Such as the seppuku of a samurai.

そんな感じでしょ

That's how it is, right?

今考えると信じらんないですけど

Looking back, I can't believe it.

信じらんないし

I can't believe it.

どうかしてるなって思っちゃうんですけど

I can't help but think something's off.

ああいうのがちょっと美しいって言われている

Those kinds of things are said to be a little beautiful.

文化に住んでるんだなっていうことをね

I realize that I live in a culture.

やっぱり

As I thought.

ちょっと覚えておかないとって思いますけど

I feel like I should remember this a little bit.

ああやっぱりこれはなんだろうな

Ah, I wonder what this is after all.

だから自分のそのなんだろう

So, what I mean is...

うつっぽい人って別になんだろう

What is a person who seems depressed, anyway?

自分のせいじゃないんですよね

It's not my fault, you know.

だからね

So, you see.

自分のせいじゃないですよ

It's not my fault.

自分はなんてダメなんだじゃないんですよ

It's not about how hopeless I am.

まあそういう文化に生きてるからしょうがないよね

Well, it's unavoidable because we live in that kind of culture.

って思うしかないですよね

I guess there's nothing else to think but that.

それくらいなんか離れて

Get away from me that much.

俯瞰で見た方がいいような気がしますね

I feel like it's better to look at it from a bird's-eye view.

なんだかんだ喉がおかしいな

My throat feels a bit off for some reason.

やっぱなんだかんだね

After all, it is what it is.

その周りの環境ですから

It's because of the environment around it.

環境ですよ環境

It's the environment, it's the environment.

なんで僕たちがこんなね

Why are we like this?

日本人でいて

"Stay Japanese."

まあこういう立場にいるか

Well, it seems I'm in a position like this.

まあなんか比較的ちょっとネガティブな人が多いかって言うと

Well, if I were to say that there are relatively more negative people...

それはもちろん日本人だからですよ

That's of course because they are Japanese.

日本人がそういう文化を大切にしているからですよ

It’s because Japanese people value that kind of culture.

なんでその文化を大切にしているか?

Why do you cherish that culture?

なんでなんなんでしょうね

I wonder why that is.

そこは四季の移ろいが激しいからとか

Because the changes of the seasons there are intense.

そういうことになっちゃうんですかね

I guess that's how it turns out, isn't it?

まあ文化周りの環境なんですよね

Well, it's the environment around culture.

やっぱりね結局はね

I knew it, in the end.

ってことをねちょっと

Well, that means...

まあダラダラ話してますけどね

Well, I'm just rambling on.

だからねなんか自分がもしね

So, you know, if I were to...

そのネガティブだなとか

That's a bit negative, isn't it?

なんかね自分はすごく暗い人間なんだな

I feel like I'm a really dark person.

なんて自分はだめなんだよなとかね

I often think about how useless I am.

なんかね自分はすごく暗い人間なんだなとか

I feel like I'm a really dark person.

ダメなんだって思う必要ないですよね

You don’t need to think that it’s wrong.

なんで自分はダメなんだって思う必要

There's no need to think that there's something wrong with yourself.

一切ないんじゃないかなって思いますね

I don't think there is anything at all.

なんでかっていうとまあそれは環境のせいだから

The reason is that it's because of the environment.

環境がそうだから

It's because of the environment.

まあ僕もそうなっても

Well, even if that happens to me...

自分も私もそうなってもしょうがないよねって思っちゃう

I can't help but think that it's okay for both me and myself to end up like that.

思っちゃうと

When I think about it,

割り切っちゃうとなんか結構生きやすくなるんじゃないかなって思いますね

I think if you can make clear distinctions, life becomes a lot easier.

だから僕がこうやってね今日なんか切なくなって

That's why I'm feeling a bit melancholic today like this.

生きるのって何かなとか思ってるのかなって思いますね

I wonder if they are thinking about what it means to live.

これ別にもう僕の性格じゃなくて

This isn't really my personality anymore.

まあ性格なんですけど

Well, it's just my personality.

性格が形成されているのって

Is personality being formed?

こういう環境に自分がいるからなんですよね

It's because I'm in this kind of environment.

だからねやっぱり結局は

So, in the end, after all.

自分が明るくなりたいんであれば

If you want to become brighter.

周りがその明るい

The surroundings are so bright.

周りを明るい人たちで埋め尽くすみたいなことが

It's like filling the surroundings with bright people.

大事になってくるのかなって思いますね

I think it might become important.

やっぱり家族

After all, it's family.

みんな思うことだと思うんですけど

I think it's something everyone thinks about.

やっぱり家庭間で

After all, between families...

環境で結構その人の性格って左右されるわけじゃないですか

A person's personality is quite influenced by their environment, isn't it?

じゃあ家庭環境が何かっていうと

So, what is the family environment?

やっぱ環境ですよね

It's definitely the environment, isn't it?

結局環境なんですよね

In the end, it's all about the environment.

だから自分をネガティブだから責めるとか

So blaming yourself for being negative...

そういうのは一切必要ないなと思いました

I thought that kind of thing is completely unnecessary.

ということでちょっとね元気に生きていこうかなって思います

So, I think I'll try to live a little more energetically.

割り切ってね

Just accept it.

よくわかんないこと言ってますけどこれぐらいで

I don't really understand what you're saying, but is this enough?

終了します

I will end it.

ではここまで聞いてくださって

Thank you for listening up to this point.

ありがとうございました

Thank you very much.

お疲れ様でした

Thank you for your hard work.

失礼します

Excuse me.